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There was one point in life where Kaeya went, "You know what? That's it. I had enough."
And it wasn't when Crepus died, or Diluc left him, or anything actually dire like that. No, it was just another night in his house, drinking another glass of Death After Noon, and Kaeya realized.
There was no point in life. Nothing seemed worthwhile. He wasn't happy for god knows how long, and Kaeya thought he was used to it, but everything kept piling and piling up until something snapped, and everything went crumbling down.
Humpty Dumpty took a great fall. From the top of the wall, he crashed to the ground. Shattered into bits, the little glass shards shining amidst the sea of bloody wine; looked at the broken wine glass, and -
What?
What was the point in anything, anymore?
Sure, Kaeya thought he was someone important when he got leeched into Dawn Winery, a spy for Khaenriyah. Then, he became a son, a brother, a family in heart, no matter how many times he denied being one outside. And, even after leaving the Ragnvindr family name, he was Captain Kaeya, Knight of the Favonius, Head of the Calvary, incognito spymaster -
But even though he could keep listing out all of those things, they didn't matter. In the end, they all didn't describe "Kaeya" at all. Not really. He couldn't be any of them, no matter how much he tried, because his heart never been there, his brain never took ahold of those names to be fully responsible for it. In the end, Kaeya was just Kaeya. A kid fleeing, running away from all of his problems.
Kaeya was still foolish when it came to love, after all. Abandoned, gripping an empty box of grape juice, looking at the dark, rainy sky where his "true" home lay beyond the horizon of the land. And, he supposed Kaeya received love as much as he gave them back: none.
Once, a long time ago, Kaeya did thought he loved. Loved his family, loved the Knights, loved Mondstat. Was loved, in reciprocity. But as Kaeya looked at the bloody pool of wine sinking into the crevasses of the wooden floorboard, he realized his love was fake. Fake as much as his names. The cacophony of emotions tried to seep into his heart like some jumbled mess of a lie Kaeya weaved into everyone he had (thought he had) a relationship to, and that was the joke, wasn't it? He lied to everyone just like he lied to himself.
And for once, for once. Kaeya wanted to be truthful.
So one day, Kaeya resigned. Something about taking a break, having a wine tour around. Jean sighed in annoyance; Lisa laughed and said to have fun. Noelle gave him yet another pre-packed breakfast and wished him good luck.
One day, Kaeya gave Klee his last storybook. Said the trip will take longer than expected, and Klee can draw in the empty spaces next to the writings. Embedded the last bright smile into his memories.
One day, Kaeya asked for another sketch from Albedo. Draw me like one of your Fontaine girls, Kaeya would say in a sultry tone and laugh as he received yet another three-line doodle of his face. Tucked it in his chest pocket, never taking it out.
One day, Kaeya taught everything he knew to the Outrider. Amber muttering something along the lines of you're only teaching me something now that you're resigning, tomorrow? A grin hiding the guilt inside.
One day, Kaeya went and sloshed himself drunk in Angel's Share. Loudly bantered about the wine tour for good emphasis, in the roaring laughers of the drunkards of Mondstat. Diluc glared - at least, Kaeya hoped he did.
And when everything was done, Kaeya was back in his little old room. Poured his last glass of Death After Noon (funny, since it was the evening, and - ), stirred it. Looked at the swirl of vortex concaving inwards.
Kaeya pressed the glass to his lips, faltered, then gulped it down whole.
The man crashed down to the floor.
For a second, he thought he saw that broad shoulder of his long lost dad. For a second, he thought he saw a flash of red hair - Crepus? ( Diluc? ) For a second, he thought he heard his name.
Kaeya.
Kaeya.
Kaeya.
And the boy closed his eye, and drifted to sleep on top of the stained wooden boards.