Chapter Text
Artemis sat in the diner, munching, nibbling, and sometimes even devouring a hamburger. It wasn’t good. He knew it wasn’t good. And yet he still found himself craving the succulent grease before him. To an onlooker he probably looked strange, like he didn’t belong to his clothes. It wasn’t that they didn’t look good on him- they did, and he’d gotten more than a few looks prowling the streets of Vegas. But there was a sharpness of wit and spirit in his eyes that muddied the image set by the long overcoat and baseball cap, made one wonder what exactly it was that the man did.
And why he was here of all places.
The news blared on the tv, reporting on some recent bizarre court case as they so often tended to be. He thought he might be able to recognize a few faces but he couldn’t really make it out.
“Hey any chance you could change the channel?”
The woman behind the counter regarded him with some mild curiosity. He was a regular here and yet he’d probably spoken 4 sentences not concerning food.
“Sure what for?”
Artemis shrugged
“Er- No reason”
An oppressively gorgeous popstar came on the screen, sauntering about on some bizarre set. Artemis wasn’t sure whether this was an improvement or not. He winked at the camera and Artemis’s heart fluttered just a tiny bit-something he felt stupid for doing and rolled his eyes at.
“And that was the lead hit “Your love is like a sexy Christmas present” from your newest Christmas album, The Naughty List Prosecutor. I have to ask on behalf of the nation, how do you keep managing to knock it out of the park every time?”
Audience laughter.
The popstar leaned forward smugly and flicked his hair to the left.
“Ja well its simply really.You s-”
What a prick. Artemis thought to himself.
It must be easy to live like that. Have the world just eating out of your palm all the time, to be the constant centre of attention. He thought about his own situation and how he’d made the choice to suddenly disappear from his old life. The stereotype he’d conjured up quickly faded and he grew weary at the thought of the world being any more complex than it already was. His unattended meal remained in front of him, dimly illuminated by the light filtering through the window blinds. A fan swung lazily overhead.
He decided he was done and flagged the waitress over to take the bill.
The cold winter air of the city bit at him, nibbling like a dozen tiny mouths on his face. A singular snowflake landed on his nose and he crossed his eyes to examine it, as if hoping to scare it into melting.
A body bumped into him- suddenly and without warning. Artemis nearly fell over and before he could figure what was going on a hand reached out to pull him back him up.
“Oh my gosh I am. So sorry about this!” the stranger said.
Artemis grabbed the hand and took it up, slightly woozy from the fall and his oncoming food coma.
“This is a weird question for someone I just ran face first into but- do I… do I know you?” the girl asked.
His heart skipped a beat.
“Uh me? N-not likely. I’m kinda a nobody if you catch my drift” he responded rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.
“Nah I-I swear you look just like this one lawyer or, s’mit like that a friend of mine got help from once. Practically loves ya. Still has a photo in his bathroom”
Artemis stared in horror, both at the thought that he was immortalized in someone’s bathroom and that his cover might blow. In another context the gal’s overwhelming friendliness was endearing- here not so much.
“Curly yellow hair? Used to run a hawker stand? Ring any bells?” she probed, unrelenting.
“Uh no haha” he meekly responded.
“He’s literally right around the corner trying to flag a taxi there I’ll go grab him. Worst case scenario you get to meet someone new right?”
“S-sure!” he said, screaming internally. Unfortunately he’d always been too much of a munchkin to refuse people and the habit didn’t seem to be going away. Artemis suddenly remembered what he’d been told when he left and fumbled around in his pockets for a phone. He bludgeoned his way through the menus, finally finding ‘K’ under the caller directory.
This migt be on of those times Artemis quickly texted.
Journalists? Hooligans?
There was a pause and Artemis swore if the silence between texts was audible it was the sound of a gun loading.
…. worse? the second reply came.
Not imprtnt. Jst pick me up
Our people’ll be there before you can say white chocolate panna cotta
Artemis frowned. What had they said? Some kind of dessert? A code? Anything??
“White chocolate… p-“ Suddenly a hand grabbed him and yanked him inside a suspicious looking van with surprising strength. Before his maligned brain could catch up with the situation they were speeding towards the city and away from the diner.
“Well well well. Look what we got here eh?” the front man said in an archetypal boston accent.
“Boss calls us in the middle of our lunch break and whats we’s wanna know is why youse so important to interrupt our delicious canneloni.” the back man continued.
“Huh?”
“Boss calls us in the middle of our lunch bre-”
Artemis knew he probably should’ve kept his mouth shut but his analytic side, vastly under-attended as of late, burst into action.
“No no no Wait- what’s with the phony accents?”
“Huh?” They both responded at the same time
“I don’t mean to assume but we’re not on the east coast by a longshot and uh… you guys are pretty clearly Japanese..” Artemis said pointing to the dash computer language and the passport sitting in the glove-box.
The two goons turned towards each other in fear, realizing something was amiss about their target.
“These powers of deduction…” one started
“Leave only one possible conclusion” the other finished.
The truth dawned on them.
“Ap- I mean A-artemis“ the one in the back said out loud, slowly realizing who they’d picked up.
The car pulled over immediately and both the passenger and the driver turned towards him before unleashing a torrent of apology.
“ごめんなさいさん!”
“許してください!”
“あなたの強力な額で私を全滅させないでください!”
Artemis blinked and rubbed his temples, trying and failing to process what had been said.
“Hey Y’know it’s not a big deal. I’ll… I’ll survive“ he said, raising and lowering his hands in a calm-down manner.
The goons smiled and nodded, a painful cringe still smeared across their faces. In an instant the car immediately picked up again and the drivers sat upright, stiff and completely unmoving.
What do these guys think I am anyway? Some kind of gangster? God knows I never got that kind of response back in the courtroom.
“We were… trying a new look…” the man in the front began, presumably going on about their accents.
“A re-branding thing thing” the man beside him continued.
“You guys know who I am right That I’m not like a mobs-?” he interjected, trying to halt the bizarre conversation before it went any further.
“Of course!” The front-man continued.
“You’re a friend of the boss.”
“You did a ‘job’ for him…”
“And when we asked around”
“Word had it that you did the whole thing without firing a single shot”
Artemis was beginning to realise the source of the confusion as the goons continued to mutter something about his 'unmistakable power’.
“OH no it… it wasn’t like that kind of ‘job’ it was just a matter of-“
“No worries. If it its alright we’d rather not know the details.” they interjected simultaneously.
“Ikusa and ..”
“Asuki.. at your service mr.. er.. injustice. ”
Artemis smudged his head against the glass and sighed.