Work Text:
When you stay up too late to finish writing a chapter, sometimes you wake up to things that make you raise an eyebrow and go how?
That is precisely Dazai’s expression when he looked down at the email in his inbox reading that he had downloaded a chatting-app late last night and he had manually turned on his direct messages? He did know that technically was the whole point of the app, but still… what if he struck up a conversation with a serial killer?
You could ask for help with your book- No. He slapped himself, fingers moving through the app to find the ‘Delete Account’ button, but-
Ding!
‘clown noises sent a friend request. accept?’
Sure, why not? thought Dazai, his last fuck flying straight out the window behind him, probably colliding into some person with absurd morals; knocking the poor person unconscious as a result of Dazai’s carefreeness.
clown noises: hello (｡･∀･)ﾉﾞ
dead: hey
clown noises: just dead? that's kinda bland… did u choose that name passed out or something?
Dazai sharply inhaled.
snow white: maybe
clown noises: so now a princess??
snow white: yes. problems?
clown noises: i suppose not (._.`)
clown noises: well… now i want a princess-themed-code-name. (；′⌒`)
snow white: be the evil step-mother (～￣▽￣)～
evil step-mother: okay
Coughing on his cup of water that he had unceremoniously dumped on his face when the reminder popped up on his screen (set up by one of his friends to ‘quote on quote: have a reason to make sure to keep the body properly hydrated.’)
snow white: AFLAKSDFSJA REALLY?
evil step-mother: yes really. also. i got a question.
snow white: shoot
evil step-mother: ur bio said u were a writer, what do u specialize in?
A thought wormed its way through Dazai’s mind, but he dubbed it “unprofessional” so he vaguely answered, ‘irl stuff. sometimes murder/mystery/horror when im bored or smth’
evil step-mother: :0
evil step-mother: that’s cool.
On the other side of the chat, Nikolai wiped his knife on a handkerchief, giving a final look at the body whose breaths were faded. He smiled endearingly at his phone and the little tired cartoon-egg picture at the top of the screen.
evil step-mother: so, metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?
The three dots came up, bouncing up and down, before a message was sent: air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.
Nikolai inhaled a shaky breath, Okay, wow-
-----
Dazai was stumped. Hit a wall in his work stumped. ‘This is a tiny detail but it must be accurate but I don’t have the resources to confirm so I’m just going to sit here for the next hour’ stumped. All the articles that popped up contained random ads for help and sketchy websites that he was not prepared to click, lest it contain some malware or virus.
snow white: hey
Minutes passed before Nikolai replied with a simple: what’s up
snow white: how long... would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts?
Gogol looked at the stopwatch that was clutched in one of his hands, and down at the blood pooling on the ground, and back to the question displayed on his phone, giving out a short laugh.
evil step-mother: anywhere from 2-30 minutes ^^
Dazai’s hands were shaking, the answer Nikolai provided was the light at the end of the dismal, dark tunnel, and he was so very close from jumping out of his apartment to get a wedding ring, as he sent a hasty: thanks <3
Nikolai stared at the screen, jaw dropping, before he snapped it close, looking around him to make sure no one saw that, as he replied: np c:
Reading the message that popped up on his screen, Dazai left a quick reaction before returning to rapid typing.
-----
Over the next couple of weeks, Nikolai and Dazai had become… something of friends… colleagues? Partners? The two of them never really talked about how their relationship was going.
Nikolai dropped in to ask questions and Dazai answered. In the evening, that’s when things… um, changed moods.
osamu attached an image.
Ah, yes. Nikolai thought, the reminder that they had exchanged names, always sending a flurry of giddiness through him. (I would like to clarify that this is innocent giddiness and just Nikolai genuinely happy that he got a friend to talk with.)
osamu: not sure if this would work /_ \
Nikolai opened the image, a short drabble; a hundred words, give or take twenty. He glanced out of the corner of his eye; looking down at the victim that had chosen to mess around with his organization, before a wicked smile took over.
20 minutes later.
nikolai: it’s great! you’re doing such a good job \(￣︶￣*\))
nikolai: ...tho…
[Image attachment.]
nikolai: that line ^^, the person can’t make any noise/grab their throat, because the throat is already slit and you mentioned the hands are behind their back already, is all. everything else is top-tier!!
osamu: ohhh yeah huh, ty :D
nikolai: it’s no biggie, i’m always more than happy to listen to you (‾◡◝)