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"Rick-"
"Do you think I want to do this, Morty? Do yo-you really think I would stick my tongue down my grandson's throat willingly?"
"No but-"
"I told you, Morty. The-these Thequerians they use real sloppy makeouts as a form of greeting. They reaaAAally have these long tongues that can asphyxiate you. But i-if we show them that we're 'partners', already 'bonded' to each other," Rick said as he gesticulated in air quotes. "They'll respect that and leave us alone."
"Why did you ask me to co-come with you here then?"
"Do you think asking Summer or your mom to come here with me is any better?"
Morty couldn't really argue with that logic. He sighed, thinking of the mess Rick dragged him in again. He didn't really had a choice to come here, his wrist getting yanked to a swirling green portal as he was closing his locker was already a daily occurrence in his life. He was still trying to piece together what Mr. Goldenfold lectured about polynomials and binomials while Rick was already explaining at 300 words a minute why he needed this particular atomic ray from the Thequerians for his work. But Morty knew it was all just bullshit. From experience, Morty knew that 'needed' really meant 'slightly interested in possessing' it.
"O-okay," Morty says resolutely. "But I'm only kissing you only if someone talks to us which as you said won't likely happen."
"Won't likely happen but it still could possibly happen," Rick replies matter-of-factly.
"Ugh."
Rick glared at him when he saw Morty cringing in disgust. "You little shit, I should be the one saying that."
"Let's just get this over with, Rick. I have homework."
The fancy museum like building comes into view and they both infiltrate the auction as newly hired janitors. Morty wanted to comment on how stupid and cliché the idea was but he bit his lip remembering the whole vat of acid incident. Thankfully the security is lax. They slip through without any much struggle or problems. Rick steals the atomic ray from the master vault expertly but it all goes to shit when Morty loses his grip on the heavy mop he's holding.
In that instant, the alarms go off. "Morty! I told you the portal gun doesn't work in this vicinity!"
Fortunately, Rick knew Morty would fuck up one way or another so they kept themselves dressed in formal attire inside the janitor uniforms, just in case they needed to blend in the crowd. The auction was jammed pack with pretentious looking items being bid by equally pretentious looking aliens. All of the objects that were on display was just really bullshit.
Rick and Morty make their way to the throng of aliens near the front of the stage because the sensors specified two human trespassers.
"Oh aren't you a cute one!" One bodacious alien woman exclaimed when she saw Morty. "Let me introduce myself, my name's," and well introducing herself consisted of her tongue slithering in the direction of Morty's mouth-
In that instant, Rick wedges himself between Morty and the alien woman.
"He-he's uh- paired already," Rick told her, uncharacteristically nervous.
"Oh really?" She said tone signaling that she wasn't entirely convinced. Morty considered his options. It was either kissing Rick or being riddled with bullets by the security.
Oh fuck it.
"Mort-"
Morty spun Rick around and went up on his tiptoes to reach the older man's lips. Surprisingly, it wasn't as disgusting as he imagined it would be. They realllly get into the part, selling that make out as much as possible to the crowd. Morty exhales a moan when Rick presses his tongue inside, exploring his little mouth.
"H-how long do we need to do this to uh convince them?" Morty whispers between kisses.
"A minute or two," Rick replies dazed. "But we should do it longer than that, just to be safe."
"Just to be safe," Morty echoes in assent. "Maybe fi-five. Five would do it right?"
"Y-yeah," the older man agrees.
Five minutes was really more than enough because by two the alien woman already left uninterested. In the end they exit the place with the atomic ray and new shameful feelings buried in their gut. Morty really liked kissing Rick, he realized to his horror. They don't talk on their way to the ship, both overthinking shit in their heads. No words were spoken between them until Rick parked the ship in the garage.
"L-let's not tell your mom about this, buddy." He looks away, scratching the back of his head while blushing.
"S-s-sure. Don't even trip dawg."
"But I uh - I forgot to get the extra forcefield bomb in that place so we kinda have to go back there next week. Will you come with?"
Morty doesn't look back as he gets out of the vehicle, not wanting to betray the glee in his face.
"Anytime, Rick."