Work Text:
A 15th birthday is supposed to be an exciting day, but Han Jisung's was not a day worth remembering as it was the day he learned he was cursed to live a loveless life. Jisung did not develop a normal soulmate mark, instead he developed a very rare mark that most consider a curse. This mark has been recorded as a soulmate-less mark through the centuries, owners of this mark never finding their true love because they lived years before the current bearer of the mark was born or many years after their death. Being a generally happy person, Jisung was able to push past his mark and just chase his dreams. As long as he hid his mark no one knew what it was, and as long as no one brought it up Jisung was able to keep it off his mind; until his members started finding their soulmates, that is.
The first to find his match was Seungmin at the very young age of 16 while he was still training. Everyone was surprised to learn they'd debut with an already partnered member, but as any good family they all loved Seungmin's soulmate like a sibling.
One night after moving into the dorm together everyone was hanging out in the living room and the topic of soul marks was breached, so everyone started showing off theirs. Jisung became unusually quiet as everyone boasted about their marks - hoping to get through the night without anyone asking to see his - But he was not so lucky.
“Jisung-hyung, what’s your mark?” Jeongin’s simple, harmless question had Jisung’s heart racing.
“Oh, nothing special.” He muttered, holding his sleeve balled up in his hand. “Yours are all way cooler.”
“Aw come on, show us!” Felix practically pounced on Jisung, playfully pulling his arm out of his lap as Minho joined in and pulled up his sleeve.
Minho gasped when he saw the mark and pulled Jisung’s sleeve back down quickly, but the collective “Oh” that went around the room told them that everyone had seen enough of it to know why Jisung hadn’t wanted to show it. Jisung couldn’t bear everyone’s looks of pity and he stood swiftly, bolting to his room and slamming the door shut as tears began to pour down his face.
A light knock at the door before it opened signaled someone’s presence, and Jisung was surprised when the person to speak wasn’t one of his roommates.
“Jisung, I’m so sorry. We were just surprised.” Chan’s voice was truly apologetic and Jisung heard the springs of another bed protest as Chan sat. “That must be hard… I can’t even imagine knowing...”
“I try to forget about it most of the time but… yeah, it’s not fun.” Chan had to strain to hear Jisung, whose face was buried in his pillow. “Especially when people react like that. I already know I’m cursed, but why does everyone have to act like I’ll infect them or something?”
“That’s not what it was. We were surprised to see it, nothing else. No one is scared of you. Everyone is worried about you right now.”
“And now they’re always going to be worried for poor Jisung, who is cursed to be alone.”
“You have us now…” Chan knew that didn’t really help. “And I don’t think you’re cursed. I think you’re destined for something that wouldn’t be possible with a partner.”
Jisung scoffed. “Like what? What incredible feats did anyone else with my mark accomplish?”
“One was a great mathematician. One was a renowned poet. Maybe this means you’ll be a rapper or composer good enough for the history books.”
“Sure.” Jisung was not convinced in the slightest. “Thanks for trying Channie-hyung, but I think I just need to be alone for a bit. Tell everyone I fell asleep or something.”
“Alright. Just know we’re here for you, OK? We’re your brothers now, and brothers stick together, yeah?”
---
Seungmin remained the only one to have found his soulmate until three months post debut when Bang Chan found his while taking a walk in a park. He brought his soulmate to the dorm not long after meeting them and everyone instantly welcomed the new member of their family. Jisung was especially friendly, treating the new partner as if they’d been part of the group as long as Seugnmin’s.
Barely a week later Hyunjin's soulmate ran into him, literally, as they were rushing to school and Hyunjin to practice. Unlike Chan, Hyunjin decided to keep his soulmate to himself for a while, going on cute dates and not telling anyone. He managed to keep his secret for about a month until one day Jisung noticed a text message and wouldn't let Hyunjin do anything until he told him. Hyunjin didn’t want to tell Jisung first, but Jisung was so happy to have their family grow again that Hyunjin soon became glad he was the first to find out.
What Hyunjin didn’t see was Jisung crying himself to sleep that night before anyone else went to bed. Two soulmates in a month, and so early into their time as an idol group, it was like a knife had been planted into Jisung’s heart. Seungmin had found his soulmate before they were even living together and it really hadn’t hurt Jisung more than any other relationship in the world did. But now it just felt like every soulmate his brothers brought home would be another jab of the knife, another twist, until finally everyone had a partner and he’d be left bleeding and alone.
Even so, Jisung made it his mission in life to make sure the soulmates always felt like a part of the group. When on tours, Jisung was in charge of keeping everyone in communication. When Hyunjin would pass out too early to call his partner, Jisung would text them and let them know he was fine, just tired. When Chan didn’t come home from the studio Jisung would text his partner to see if they knew where Chan was or how he was doing, and if they didn’t then he’d check on the leader himself. Helping keep everyone happy was Jisung's way of distracting himself from the fact that he'd never have a relationship like his brothers did and it worked, most of the time.
Minho was next, two years later, finding his soulmate working at a cat cafe that he frequented when he missed his cats. He texted Jisung about them first, thinking Jisung would be ecstatic to welcome another new member of their family. He was surprised when Jisung's response came hours later instead of the usual immediate reply, but thought he must have forgotten about a schedule Jisung had. The truth was, Jisung saw the text right away and had to take time to let his jealousy cool down before he could respond with the expected energy and excitement. As he suspected, another partner, another twist of the knife and the more alone he felt.
Jisung’s relationship with Minho’s partner was nothing like the other three, and he hated himself for it. He tried. He tried so hard to treat them the same, but deep down he knew there was something off. Five months later he was the last to find out that Changbin had met his soulmate as the older boy was scared to hurt Jisung with the knowledge. They all saw how each new partner made him sadder, no matter how hard he tried to hide it by being overly welcoming, and Changbin felt truly bad to hurt Jisung again. It was all so confusing, he was happy for his brothers but at the same time he just couldn’t shake the jealousy and sadness.
A year passed without another soulmate and Jisung was mostly back to his happy-go-lucky self, his attempts to treat all the partners as equals being far less taxing than before. That is until one day when he overheard Chan and Felix talking in their room and even though they were speaking English he could understand enough to make him furious. He threw the door to the room open, making both men jump.
“Oi Jisung, what-” Chan started before Jisung cut him off, yelling at Felix.
“You’re complaining that your soulmate is in Australia?! Is that what you were saying? My English might not be perfect but I don’t think I mistranslated that.”
“Eh, yeah but Jisung, why are you yelling at me?” Felix was shocked, shrinking back farther onto his bed at Jisung’s anger.
“You found your soulmate last week in Australia? You’re telling Chan-hyung you wish you’d never found them because now you have to have a long distance relationship? How ungrateful can you be?!”
“Jisung, lay off him, he's just trying to adjust.”
“No! I have to live my entire life without a soulmate, and you have the audacity to complain that yours is a phone call away? Felix how is that even something to complain about with today’s technology? How is that even-” Jisung’s voice broke as he choked back tears. “-even a problem?”
“I’m sorry Jisung I wasn’t really complaining I was just trying to work out how to make this work best.” Felix’s deep voice told just how sorry he way, but as he stood to pull Jisung into a hug the other man shook his head and turned, exiting the room and slamming the door to his own as he flopped onto his bed and let loneliness overtake him. He jumped when his door popped open and Chan poked his head in.
"Jisung, can we talk?" The leader asked as he sat on the edge of Jisung's bed and started rubbing his back. "I know what you must have been able to understand from Felix wasn’t exactly what he meant, can I explain?” Jisung replied with a tearful mumble into his pillow which Chan couldn’t understand. “What’s that?”
Jisung turned his head just enough to let the words reach Chan. “It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have blown up at him like that.”
“Yeah, but I get it, that’d be a pretty tactless thing to complain about even behind your back.”
“I probably didn’t fully understand him, I should’ve made sure I understood before losing my temper. But it hurt so much, Channie-hyung. Just thinking someone in the would could be so ungrateful, that finding your soulmate could be so taken for granted that you could complain about it.”
Chan nodded, “Felix wasn’t complaining about finding his soulmate. He was just telling me that he doesn’t know what to do with them in Australia. He misses his family so much as it is, and now to have his other half so far away, he was asking me if I could help get the company to fly them here.”
“See, that’s not bad. I’m so stupid, I need to go apolo-”
“No, Felix understands. You can apologize later. For now, it’s OK to let your feelings out.”
“I just feel so alone.” A new wave of tears overtook Jisung and Chan just let him cry for a few moments.
“You’re not alone, we’re all here for you Jisung.” Chan’s voice was soft and reassuring, and yet it didn’t help Jisung one bit.
“You all have your partners. Or at least you will. I have no one.” He sat up as he talked and put a hand over Chan’s mouth, stopping his rebuttal. “One day we’ll disband, you’ll go off and start your families, have solo careers or just leave the limelight all together. What’ll I do? Keep working my ass off till I drop because there’ll be nothing else to keep me busy? Live in an empty flat with me myself and I? Get a pet? While all around me the world laughs in my face, constantly reminding me of the love I’ll never receive?”
Chan sighed and pulled Jisung into a tight hug. “I would hope that even after we disband we’d all stay connected. I know I’ll want you in my family’s life, as my kids’ uncle Ji, and so would everyone else.”
“So I’m just supposed to be the entertaining uncle? With my little nieces and nephews asking why I don’t have a partner, why my mark is so weird, why I don’t have kids?”
“Well yes children are curious creatures so I’m sure they’d ask. But they wouldn’t care, wouldn’t judge. And if you want a family, there’s always those whose soulmates have died. You can still find love, Jisung, even if it’s not in the expected way.”
Jisung shook his head. “Not even a widow would fall in love with a curse.”
Chan rolled his eyes, though Jisung couldn’t see that. “ You aren’t a curse Han Jisung, and I don’t think your mark is either. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s damning. Sure, you may have to wait a while to find love, but I think you’ll find it. And whether you do or don’t, if you want children you can always adopt, we’d all help you and you know it.”
Jisung thinks about that suggestion for a moment and then shrugs. “I guess maybe. Thanks Channie-hyung. He gives Chan a hug and then sits back. “I think I’m going to take a nap before practice.”
“Sounds good, I’ll wake you up when we need to go.” Jisung gave Chan a light smile as he left the room.
---
Another year passed and neither Jisung nor Jeongin found their soulmates, not that Jisung expected too. Through the year the group stayed extremely busy and Jisung was able to push his loneliness and jealousy to the back of his mind for the majority of it. His 21st birthday, however, was not a day that let him ignore his fate. They had their normal midnight “surprise” with a cake and a surprise live, which Jisung managed to put on a happy facade for, and then they went to bed. When Jisung woke up annoyingly early on the morning of September 14th he knew the day would be a bad one, and he didn’t want his brothers to try making it better.
I’m spending the day with my family, I’ll be back late. Jisung texted the group chat as he left the dorm, having no intention of actually seeing his family or anyone he cared about on that day. He wandered on the streets for a while, not caring where he went. He found himself grabbing coffee at a shop he’d never been in before as he ignored the messages coming in from his waking members. The constant notifications from his phone became frustrating and he powered it off, he didn’t have a schedule that day so there was no reason for anyone to look for him while they thought he was with family.
He sat in the back corner of the coffee shop for about an hour, sipping on his drink and staring at the table, trying to stop the onslaught of emotions and thoughts from getting too strong. When he left he took a random set of turns, trying to lose himself in the city. He walked around for another hour or so before ending up at a park and hiding against a tree where he broke down, not for the last time that day.
People could find their soulmates after they turned 21, it wasn’t unheard of even if uncommon, but hitting 21 still felt like the final nail in Jisung’s coffin of fate. He hated that he had gotten so lonely even with everyone around him, hated that he couldn’t just accept living a partnerless life and move on with things. He thought about his members’ relationships with their partners, something he tried to stop himself from pondering any other day, and he let the sadness wash over him like a tsunami, hoping that maybe allowing it all to consume him for a day would lessen his pain later. As he let the thoughts run free in his mind he began to sob, screaming at the world, asking why he had to be the one to carry the lonely mark.
At some point he fell asleep against the tree, waking to the sun on his face and dogs barking in the park. He stood and stretched, feeling no better than before. He moved on, hoping that no one had thought to check on the man against the far tree and taking pictures of him. He began walking randomly again, taking turn after turn with no care of where he ended up. Suddenly he stopped as he heard a cacophony of children’s laughter and playful screaming. He looked towards the sound, thinking he must have ended up near a school and being surprised when he realized it was actually an orphanage.
He watched the kids playing outside for a few minutes, actually smiling at the contagious laughter and the games being played. Chan’s words from what felt like forever ago came back to him then “ You can always adopt”. Without consciously making a decision to move he found himself walking up to the orphanage door and knocking. He cursed himself as he knocked and turned around quickly, thinking he was crazy and having no idea why he was knocking in the first place. He couldn’t adopt a child now, Stray Kids were in the height of their popularity and not slowing down any time soon, none of them could take care of children yet.
Before he could take more than a step away the door opened. “Hello young man, how can I help you?”
“I-I don’t know.” Jisung stuttered awkwardly, suddenly realizing how swollen his face must be from all his crying. “I’m sorry for bugging you, I don’t know why I knocked. I’ll leave you be.”
“Young man, you seem to need something to do.” The kind woman smiled at him knowingly. “It just so happens that two of my helpers called in sick today and it’s lunch time, would you like to help me prepare the children’s lunches?”
Jisung stood in shock for a moment and then shrugged. “Sure, I… I think that’d be good.”
The woman led him into the orphanage, naming children as they passed. A particularly chubby little boy who couldn’t be any older than five ran over as they passed and clung to Jisung’s leg, laughing wordlessly as Jisung tried to pry him off, causing Jisung too to chuckle, the sound surprising him.
“What’s your name young man?” The woman asked as they reached the kitchen.
“Han Jisung, ma’am.”
“And what were you doing in this area, Han Jisung?”
“Just wandering, really. I have the day off and didn’t really know what to do with myself.”
“That explains the lost look. Well I appreciate your help, it’s been a tough day.” Jisung returned the woman’s kind smile as they began prepping food. They chatted lightly as they cooked, and Jisung loved talking with all the kids as he helped serve their lunches.
“Have you ever fed a baby, Jisung?” The kind woman asked.
“A baby? No ma’am I haven’t.”
“Well come sit down over here, you can feed this little one his bottle. Hold her like this.” The woman showed Jisung what to do and he cooed over the little girl as she fell asleep drinking the bottle.
Jisung spent the rest of the day at the orphanage, only realising what time it was when the older kids returned from school. Luckily none of them were old enough to recognize him, all being elementary schoolers. He had so much fun entertaining the kids that he truly forgot about his worries for a while. He stayed long enough to help with dinner and then decided that he should head home.
“Thank you for today, honestly today was going to be one of the worst days of my life but I don’t think I can say that anymore, these kids really changed it.”
“Well, I’m glad we could help.” The woman laughed as she walked him to the door. “You know, we can never have too many hands around here, really we always need a few extra pairs. I’m sure you have your own life to lead, but anytime you want to stop in and play with the kids, we’d love to have you.”
Jisung smiled widely. “Thank you, I’ll be back as often as I can be. My schedule is kind of all over the place, but I’ll be here whenever I can.”
“It was nice to meet you, Han Jisung.”
“You too, ma’am. Have a good night.” And with that Jisung headed back to the dorm, his thoughts revolving around the children and planning out times when he could return.
Chan was right, he would find love and family one day, even without a soulmate. He didn’t want to rush anything with Stray Kids, he would perform with them as long as he could. But where he used to be terrified of the day they’d disband, he now had something to look forward to. When that day came, he knew he’d be adopting a child and starting a family of his own. Those kids were just like him, worried that they’d never have a family of their own, but he knew there was hope for all of them, just as he now knew there was hope for him.