Archive of Our Own

The Christmas season was approaching fast. Holiday festivities were already in motion in the Bangtan dorm, beginning when Hoseok dragged in a Christmas tree bright and early one December morning.

Immediately he had demanded that everyone help decorate it, knocking on doors and blasting holiday music through the dorm until everyone was gathered in their living room, half-awake and rubbing the sleep from their eyes while Hoseok, cheery and bubbling with excitement, tossed ornaments and garland in different directions.  

"Do we really have to do this right now?" Jimin had whined, rubbing his tired eyes while holding a string of lights that were placed in his hands at some point. Taehyung was on the ground next to him untangling the tinsel that Hoseok had thrown at him.

"If we get started early, we can enjoy the decorations longer, Jimin-ah. When was the last time we were really able to enjoy the holidays with so much time off? Don't be a grinch," Hoseok teased him before going back to unpacking their box of decorations.

"Yeah Jiminie, don't be such a grinch!" Taehyung piped in from his spot on the floor, reaching up to grab at Jimin's hand, gently tugging him down until Jimin was seated next to him, curling up against his soulmate. The two whispered something back and forth, Taehyung giggled and Jimin poked him back before grabbing the lights to start untangling them.

On the other end of the room, Seokjin and Namjoon were sorting through their box of ornaments on the couch, heads pressed close together as they organized them with some sort of system only they understood. Yoongi, despite being the last one to enter the room, was already moving to adjust the placement of the Christmas tree, pushing it into the corner of their living room. Though disturbed from his sleep and forced to rise at an ungodly hour, he didn't dare complain about his boyfriend's eager attitude to have everyone involved in the decorating.

The only person left outside the room was Jungkook. He had stood there watching his hyungs all dancing around the room and hanging decorations around the large space. Their break had begun last week and ever since, Jungkook had debated back and forth on if he wanted to stay in the dorms for the holiday season or take this opportunity to go home and visit his family.

When he brought it up to each of his hyungs, they had all told him the same thing: They were going to stay in the dorms through the majority of the break. In true Bangtan style, he agreed to do the same out of solidarity. Besides, he could always visit his parents for a few days after Christmas was over and catch them up on everything that had happened over the past year.

All six men were his family too, and his heart always missed them when they all weren't together. Even when just one of his hyungs wasn't around, Jungkook felt incomplete. They were seven for a reason, after all. 

In fact, Jungkook loved his hyungs. They were the people he was closest to in his life. The ones that he knew he could go to about anything, and they would listen and offer him up any advice they had. He truly believed the universe had brought them all together. 

There was one hyung, in particular though, that made Jungkook’s heart beat a little too fast and stomach flutter whenever he got close. One that made his head spin seeing that familiar dimpled smile thrown in his direction. 

Jungkook had always had a lot of love to give, so it was only a matter of time before his heart decided that the love he held toward one of his members, toward his leader, wasn't enough anymore. Slowly, he realized that his love for Namjoon was different, and it grew and grew into something more than the type of love he felt for the others. 

Even years after this revelation, Jungkook still was finding new ways that made him fall even harder for Namjoon.

This morning, in particular, Jungkook's heart clenched at seeing the other man deep in concentration as he was gently sorting through their collection of ornaments, taking extra care with the more fragile ones. 

He could have watched the endearing man all morning, but a voice called out to him, interrupting his fond staring.

"Jungkook-ah! Come help me with the tree."

It was Yoongi, from behind the tree. Jungkook tore his eyes away from Namjoon and rushed over to help him fix it before it completely crushed Yoongi against the wall. Together, with Jungkook kneeling down to adjust the bottom branches and Yoongi holding the top steady, they stabilized the tree on its stand.

Once Yoongi and Jungkook determined that the tree was positioned properly, they called Jimin over, who started to string the lights on the branches. He was more awake now, probably from some sort of soulmate energy transfer he had gotten from Taehyung. He had gone from sleepy and swaying on his feet, to giggly and excited to get the lights on. 

At some point, Seokjin and Namjoon come over with the ornaments they had sorted through, placing them on the branches. Taehyung mumbled something about going to look for the star Hoseok had bought last year for the top of the tree, but Jungkook barely heard him. He was too distracted by Namjoon. Or rather, the way that Namjoon’s shirt had ridden up to show off a sliver of exposed skin, his tanned stomach peeking out while he tried to hang an ornament near the top of the tree. 

"Since when did we have this?"

They all had turned toward the sound of Taehyung's voice to find him holding up a tiny plastic green plant, red ribbon tied around the top. 

“Isn’t that mistletoe?” Seokjin walked up to grab the plant from Taehyung’s hand, fingers adjusting the fake leaves that had been flattened out, no doubt from being crushed at the bottom of their storage box for so many months. 

Jungkook could sense the impending chaos forming.

“ Ooo, let’s hang it up somewhere in the house!” Jimin suggested while walking over to where Seokjin and Taehyung are standing, ignoring the many protests from the other members as he grabbed it, hanging it over his head. He dragged Taehyung under, the other man having to bend his knees slightly to fit underneath.

"But first, who wants to kiss me and Taehyungie?" The two 95-liners pressed their heads together, Jimin wiggling the mistletoe over their heads. "Yoongi hyung? How about you?"

Yoongi didn't respond, instead turning back to continue to work on stringing some tinsel around the Christmas tree.

Jimin frowned, but quickly set his sights on his next victim.

Jungkook pretended to busy himself, fiddling with the ornaments that were already hung up on the tree. He loved Jimin, but he wasn’t about to get himself in the middle of whatever the other two maknaes were planning.

Luckily, Jimin had set his sights on someone else, choosing his next victim by proximity.

"Jin hyung! Come kiss us!"

Taehyung had wrapped his arms loosely around Jimin's waist, leaning his head on his shoulder, eyes wide and innocent as he looked at Seokjin. Jimin had a matching look on his face, a pout on his face to add to the adorable look they were going for.

The two together were pure menaces.

"Oh my God, put that thing away, I'm not kissing either of you idiots," Seokjin said with an eye roll, huffing when he reached out and grabbed the mistletoe away, only for the two to drag him in and both press a quick kiss to either side of his cheek.

Seokjin protested in faux disgust, wiping his cheeks and whining about how they both had morning breath.

If anyone noticed the way his ears went bright red, nobody commented on it. 

After that, the mistletoe somehow ended up in Hoseok's hands, where he pulled Yoongi in for a quick kiss, the other rapper not at all put out that he was pulled away from his careful work on the tree to give his boyfriend some affection.

When Namjoon looked over at Jungkook and shook his head, laughing at their bandmates' antics, Jungkook pushed down the fluttering feeling in his stomach and simply shrugged in response.

He assumed the little mistletoe had been lost after that, either winding up in a pile of trash (probably thrown out by Seokjin in hopes of ceasing all torment from Jimin and Taehyung) or buried back in the box of the Christmas decorations they didn't hang up.

Either way, he didn't give it much thought after that.

____________________________

A week after the Christmas Tree fiasco, Jungkook sits on his bed, shuffling through the drama section of Netflix. He’s looking for the next show to binge, having finished everything on his list already, when he hears two fists knocking at his door, getting louder with each passing second until Jungkook finally acknowledges them.

"Come in," he mumbles, already knowing who the door will reveal.

Taehyung and Jimin stumble inside, Taehyung turning to close the door before the two join Jungkook on his bed.

"What's going on?" Jungkook asks, sitting up and eyeing the two suspiciously.

"It's December," Jimin replies.

Jungkook just nods blankly.

"It's the end of the year," Taehyung adds on.

Okay?

"Yeah?" Jungkook questions, giving each of them a confused look. "I know?"

"Oh Jungkookie, have you really forgotten the promise you made us to at the beginning of the year?"

Taehyung snickers at that and Jungkook, realizing where they were going with this, hopes they’ll have even the slightest bit of mercy on him.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jungkook lies, his heart rate picking up. Taehyung and Jimin hadn't mentioned the promise all year, and he had wrongly assumed that they didn't remember. Clearly, he had been lured into a false sense of security by their silence.

"Oh, you don't? Maybe Taehyung and I should refresh your memory?"

"No thanks," Jungkook says quickly, hoping that if he remains calm about it, they’ll give up and leave. Maybe pretend like this never happened and give Jungkook the benefit of the doubt that he hadn't remembered that night.

The unfortunate thing is, Jungkook hadn't forgotten. In fact, he remembers very clearly the declaration he had made on New Years' Eve last year despite being drunk from all the champagne. 

"Jungkookie," Taehyung whines, scooting up closer to Jungkook's side to cling onto his bicep. "You made a promise to us, to yourself, that you would tell Namjoon hyung how you feel about him."

Jungkook shakes his head, ready to argue he remembers no such promise when Jimin curls up on his other side, giving his shoulder a firm squeeze.

"By the end of the year, you'd tell him. That's what you said," Jimin reminds him.

Jungkook knows they're only trying to help. After all, they were the only other ones to know about Jungkook's feelings for Namjoon.

He had been alone in his bedroom one evening last year, curled up in a ball underneath his covers, hoping to wallow in his misery undisturbed.

Namjoon had come home earlier that day announcing that he had a date that night, and Jungkook had never felt his heart drop so fast in his life. While all the other members quickly jumped to ask him questions about who he was going out with, Jungkook had silently slipped out of the room.

He cried that evening, feeling so stupid and silly for shedding tears over the man when he had no claim to Namjoon in the first place. The man knew nothing about Jungkook's feelings, but that didn't stop him from sobbing into his pillow at the idea of him on a date with someone else, probably already planning another date, and then another, and then before he knew it they would get married and Jungkook would have to live with silently being in love with Namjoon for the rest of his life.

At least that's what he had confessed to Taehyung and Jimin when they entered his room after ten minutes of knocking.

They had listened to him spill his feelings for Namjoon, cuddling up against him when he started to cry again. Taehyung had let Jungkook cry into his shoulder while Jimin wrapped his body around him from behind, trying to soothe him as best they could.

As they had tried to reason with him that it was only one date and Jungkook shouldn't get ahead of himself, Jimin and Taehyung worried silently that if things did go well with Namjoon's date, that they were going to have to do a lot more than console Jungkook that everything would be okay.

Jimin had even joked that he would date Jungkook if Namjoon got a significant other, which prompted both Jungkook and Taehyung to protest at the same time.

The three ended up staying up together the rest of the evening, Jimin bringing in a hoard of snacks that Seokjin labeled off-limits, and Taehyung finding a video game they could all play together. Trying their best to distract the younger, they took turns finding the most dramatic ways to die in the game, finally prompting a few giggles from Jungkook.

Fortunately for Jungkook and his sensitive heart, Namjoon had come home a few hours later and admitted that he had fun but didn't have any plans to see the guy again. 

Jungkook had rejoiced silently, catching the eyes of Jimin and Taehyung who subtly sent him a thumbs up when nobody was looking and Jungkook turned red, remembering that his secret was out.  

When New Years' Eve rolled around that year, once they got back to their hotel from their performance in Times Square, they broke out bottles of champagne and toasted together, just the seven of them.

They had all sat together and talked about their resolutions as a group, for Bangtan, and what they hoped to accomplish in the next year.

In his hotel room later with just Jimin and Taehyung, he confessed a personal resolution of his own.

He wanted to finally tell Namjoon that he was in love with him. That Jungkook had fallen in love with him two years ago, and he didn't want to keep it from him any longer.

Namjoon had always been special to Jungkook. His admiration for the man had spanned almost a decade, and with time, it was bound to have bloomed into something more. Something bigger and brighter that was as terrifying as it was exhilarating. The appreciation he felt toward Namjoon, the man who held them together while Jungkook was just trying to navigate a new life in a new city as a young idol chasing a dream with six other bandmates, only grew. Deeper feelings slowly replaced the innocent ones of his youth.

The way Jungkook always imagined he would fall in love would be quick. It would crash into him all of a sudden, and if he didn't pay attention, he would miss it. Jungkook imagined bells and laughter. The person he would find love with would be his other half, everything that he ever wanted.

Instead, love crept up on him, so silent and unsuspecting that Jungkook almost hadn't been aware it had happened. He did notice though. Slowly, but surely, he had started to notice the way everything had begun to shift, his world suddenly expanding to make room for another person.

He wanted to confess all of these things to Namjoon, to finally admit his deepest feelings, guarded so deeply into his heart for so long, now ready to burst.

Jungkook almost did it that night, but Namjoon was already asleep and he wasn't sober enough to give a clear confession, according to Jimin and Taehyung.

When they all woke up the next afternoon, pressed together in the same bed, Jungkook didn't mention his confession, and neither did the other two.

He told himself they had forgotten, and Jungkook buried the resolution deep down.

Now, sitting in his room two weeks before Christmas, Jungkook is faced with the reality that he’s running out of time if he was going to actually fulfill his resolution.

If he was going to follow through, that is.

Logically, he knew he didn't have to. He had gone all year trying to pretend like he didn't utter those words in a hotel room in New York City at three in the morning. 

And yet, now that the year was closing in, Jungkook started to think hard about the reason he had in the first place to tell Namjoon.

He would no longer have to worry about hiding his feelings around him. He wouldn't have to pretend like he was completely calm when Namjoon would lean in close. He wouldn't have to pretend like he didn't want to kiss him anytime Namjoon giggled or showed off a new plant purchase, excitedly telling everyone how perfect it would look on their kitchen table.

And even if Namjoon rejected his confession, Jungkook knew he would be gentle about it. He'd probably sit Jungkook down and tell him that his feelings meant a lot to him, and as much as he wished he could, he wasn't able to return them.

Jungkook would be sad, heartbroken, completely and utterly defeated, but at least he would know he tried.

And, on the slight chance, with that little sliver of hope he had tried so hard not to cling onto because it would hurt more if he had hope, Namjoon did have feelings for him...well Jungkook could call it a Christmas miracle.

He sighs.

Maybe they have a point.

"Why did you two choose now to say something?" He questions, looking between them.

"We wanted to let you do it on your own time, Kookie," Jimin explains, petting his hair gently. Jungkook wouldn't even dare pull away. He enjoys the comfort his hyungs so readily provide him with. Yoongi had called it baby perks and Jungkook didn't argue with that.

Taehyung nods in agreement, massaging the back of Jungkook's neck.

"But since you didn't seem like you had any plans to do anything about it, we figured you could do with the reminder," he adds on.

"I remembered, that's not the issue," Jungkook replies, letting his eyes fall shut as the two continue their comforting touches.

"Are you scared?" Taehyung asks after a long pause.

"No, yes, kind of. It's just a lot. I'd be telling Namjoon hyung I'm in love with him. It's not exactly everyday conversation."

"Do you think he's going to reject you or something?"

It's Jimin who asks this time, and Jungkook huffs out a laugh. What kind of question is that? 

"No, hyung. I'm not at all scared that Namjoon hyung is going to reject me and leave me sad and alone for the rest of my life. Absolutely not at all worried about that, nope."

He can feel Jimin and Taehyung sending each other a look above him, but he's not about to try to guess what sort of telepathic messages they're communicating to each other.

"I really don't think you need to worry about that, Kook. But, even if he didn't feel the same way, Namjoonie hyung wouldn't be mean about it." Taehyung's voice is low and soothing, but Jungkook still doesn’t think they quite understand where he’s coming from.

Jimin and Taehyung have always been close, and whether or not they were together romantically, they somehow always ended up on the same wavelength. Hell, they could wake up one morning and announce they’re getting married and not one of them would be surprised by the declaration.

Not everyone was so lucky to have that. 

"I know that, but it's still scary," Jungkook admits, and two pairs of hands are immediately soothing him again as Taehyung presses a soft kiss to his hairline.

"If you're really not ready yet, Kookie, you don't have to. We won't press you about it anymore," Jimin tells him, hands still threading through his hair.

"But we don't want you to regret it, either." Taehyung whispers.

"No." Jungkook shakes his head. "I'll..I'll do it. I'll tell him."

Sooner or later, Jungkook wouldn't be able to hide his feelings anymore. He'd rather Namjoon hear it from him than find out any other way.

Jimin squeals, wrapping Jungkook in a tight hug. Taehyung joins in, the three forming a puppy pile in the middle of Jungkook's bed.

Once they calm down and Jungkook tries to find the remote lost in his covers, Taehyung asks him a question that leaves his mind spinning all over again. 

"So how are you going to tell him?"

One would have assumed that having nearly a full year to think it through that Jungkook would have some sort of plan, anything, but his mind is certifiably blank.

"I don't even know. Oh my god. I have nothing!" He whines at the realization, falling back against the mattress.

Maybe this isn’t a good idea.

"Well," Jimin begins, shifting around on the bed to pull something out of his hoodie pocket, "What about doing something with this?"

He’s holding up the missing mistletoe, wiggling it around in the air to show to the other two, and Taehyung gasps dramatically, praising Jimin for such a clever idea.

Jungkook takes the mistletoe from Jimin and turns it around in his hands.

"And do what? Ask him to kiss me?"

"You could do that," Jimin nods, moving down the bed to settle in front of the other two. "Or you could use it as a chance to bring him under the mistletoe and confess your feelings. Tell him how you're in love with him and then kiss him. It could be really sweet. And perfect for the season."

With no other idea in mind, and the year closing in fast, Jungkook is running out of options.

Staring down at the mistletoe, stroking his hand over the red ribbon, he realizes that this was better than nothing.

"Okay, I'll do it," Jungkook agrees, and is swiftly met with soft cheers as Jimin and Taehyung high-five. 

"This is going to be so good," Jimin declares ten minutes later, grabbing a pen and notebook off Jungkook's desk and starts scribbling down at least a dozen different ideas. "Operation Get Namjoon Under the Mistletoe so Jungkook Can Confess His Undying Love for Him can commence."

Jungkook has no idea what he was getting himself into. 

____________________________

A balcony decorated to fit the cheery Christmas atmosphere of the rest of the dorm? Check.

A handwritten confession just in case Jungkook forgets everything he wants to say? Check.

A mistletoe placed carefully off the overhang on the roof? Check.

A bundle of nerves and a persistent stomach ache that hasn't left Jungkook once all day? Check. And check.

Jungkook has been preparing all afternoon. Together, the three maknaes had prepared for idea #1: Kiss Namjoon in Mini Winter Wonderland. He was following the first idea on the list, one that Jimin himself claimed would be completely and totally foolproof. A guarantee for success.

He and Taehyung helped him set up the plan, gathering all the lights and decorations to hang up outside while the rest of the members were out for the evening, giving the three plenty of time to make everything look as pretty as possible.

There are lights strung up along the underside of the roof, twinkling beautifully in contrast to the night sky. They had wrapped a few lights around the larger plants (safely, Jungkook made sure it wouldn't harm any of them because he wouldn't ever want to ruin Namjoon's precious babies) and covered the railing with some fake snow because they still hadn't had their first snowfall in Seoul yet.

Off to the side, there's a couple of side tables that are covered in the fake snow too, with a few fake candles in the center, because Jungkook didn't want to risk the wind blowing them out and ruining the ambiance he's going for.

The next thing is a set of padded benches that Jimin covered in a bunch of cozy white blankets from his room, adding a few throw pillows that has Jungkook imagining him and Namjoon curled up on together afterward, sharing kisses and watching the night sky together. Or a good place for him to bury himself into and cry if Namjoon rejects him.

Jungkook spends the next few hours going back out to check the balcony again, wanting to be absolutely positive that everything was still in its place, no lights that had burnt out or any critters having come to knock down the mistletoe.

Seokjin in the first one home, bringing in a few bags he claims are Christmas presents and that nobody, not a single soul (not even a curious Hoseok) can look through or he will return them and never buy anyone a Christmas present ever again.

It's a lie, of course. Seokjin loves spoiling his six babies so even if Hoseok, and maybe Taehyung if he gets roped into it, sneak into his room when Seokjin isn't there to peek to see what he's bought them, the most they'll get is scolded and a disapproving look.

Jungkook can finally breathe when Seokjin is off in his room, probably where he'll be for the rest of the night. Jungkook is sat on the far end of the couch, closest to their balcony just in case he needs to guard the door so that his hyungs won't go out there and question why it's been turned into a mini winter wonderland.

Taehyung and Jimin are keeping him company, sprawled out together on the couch in a mess of limbs, quietly whispering together about the Christmas movie playing on the tv. He thinks they might have forgotten that they have a mission in progress, and as willing participants, Jungkook would really like it if they could at least pretend like they were on watch for Namjoon.

Yoongi comes home next, having spent half the day working in the studio, and slips quietly into his room after greeting the three maknaes. Another hyung successfully in for the night.

He tries to focus on the movie. The plot is mostly lost on him, but he thinks there's some sort of magical spell, and a talking cat that's supposed to save Christmas, but that's all he's sure of.

"Do you two mind coming to help me with something?"

Jungkook looks away from the television to see Seokjin standing off to the side of the living room. He's staring at Jimin and Taehyung, who hardly look like two separate people right now with how closely they’ve wrapped themselves around one another. 

Taehyung raises his head first and looks over at Jungkook and back to Seokjin. Jimin untangles himself from the other man, and yep, okay, there's still two beings there. They're both hesitant, not moving off the couch just yet.

"Hyung, we would love to but," Jimin begins, looking like he's trying to find the words to politely decline, even though he doesn't want to actually say no. Jungkook knows that face all too well. It's the same one that Jimin has when he pretends like he likes the tea Taehyung makes him, even though everyone knows he doesn't put enough sugar in it, and Jimin never had the heart to tell him even after all these years.

"We're watching movies with Jungkookie right now," Taehyung finishes. He looks apologetic and disappointed. Jungkook doesn't take it personally, though. He knows the two of them are his best friends and their mutual disappointment clear as day on their faces has nothing to do with him. Besides, they had already spent the whole afternoon and most of the evening together.

"Nah, it's okay. You guys can help Jin hyung," Jungkook replies, looking at Seokjin who's still standing in the doorway of the living room. He sends a knowing smile to him, and Seokjin responds with a raised eyebrow as if to challenge Jungkook to say something.

He doesn't, but he still winks at his hyung who would probably slap Jungkook if he were standing closer.

"Are you sure, Jungkookie? We don't want to leave you out here alone, you know, with the movie..." Taehyung trails off, and Jimin nods in agreement.

"We don't want you to watch the movie alone without us." Jimin scoots across the long couch, grabbing his hand and trying to drag him closer.

"I promise guys," Jungkook reassures them, squeezing Jimin's hand and pulls it away to push at his shoulder. "Go, I'm fine. Swear it." He's not really that fine and thinks he could puke at any moment, but he doesn't let either of them know that. Jungkook would still feel that way if they were there or not.

Finally, they nod and get up, going over to Seokjin who's smile widens when they make their way over to him.

"If you need us, Kookie, just come to hyung's room!" Taehyung calls back when they're walking away, Jimin half hanging off Seokjin who's pretending to groan out in pain.

"You can come let us know how the movie ends later, but make sure you knock first-ouch! what was that for!" Taehyung grumbles as Jimin smacks the back of his head, the three of them bickering the rest of the way to Seokjin's room while Jungkook rolls his eyes and turns back to the movie.

Not even fifteen minutes later, when the talking cat has ended up in Santa’s workshop and is about to single-handedly save Christmas, he hears the lock turning again and this time, finally, it’s Namjoon. 

Jungkook glances back at the door, and then quickly looks back toward the television, sinking down on the couch. He hears Namjoon moving around the front door, probably taking his shoes and coat off. Wanting to peek back, but not be caught, Jungkook keeps his gaze set on the tv, even though the screen has gone black and the credits are now rolling. 

Namjoon had spent part of the day in the studio too, having gone a total of six and a half days before he cracked and told the rest of them he needed to get some energy out and create some music. Seokjin, who argued their break was for resting, was quickly ignored as Yoongi and Namjoon headed for the studio the next day with the promise of not spending all their time there. 

They both did their best to keep their promise, knowing Seokjin would probably come drag them home by their hair had they clocked in too many hours. Their eldest hyung had many threats that he had delivered over the years. Some he wouldn’t end up following through on, such with the Christmas presents, and then there were ones that the rest of the group knew not to run the risk of being on the receiving end of, just in case. 

Now, with Namjoon finally home, the only person left was Hoseok. He had met with a few friends for dinner and promised to be home before midnight. 

Jungkook is trying to make himself seem invested in the credits that still haven’t finished yet, ignoring his heart that’s about to burst out of his chest along with his stomach from the nerves rolling around inside. Namjoon is walking in the room and pauses when he sees the lump on the couch.

“Kook?” 

“Hi hyung,” Jungkook mumbles shyly, head peeking out of his blanket cocoon. 

Namjoon walks over to Jungkook who’s curled up on the couch with all but his face covered in a blanket. He’s dressed in soft colors today, a dark beige sweater and a pair of faded maroon jeans. There’s a deep brown scarf still wrapped around his neck, poofing out adorably around his face. He looks cute and cozy. Jungkook wonders if he buried his face in Namjoon’s chest, the other man would feel as comforting as he looks. Jungkook would be willing to test that theory but a) he would have to stop staring at Namjoon long enough to do so and b) there was a definite chance Namjoon would feel how fast his heart was currently racing.

“Are you watching movies alone?” He asks, and Jungkook thinks he might sit down so he scrambles up, blanket falling further off his body as he moves.

"Tae and Jimin were watching too, but Jin hyung said he needed their help with something."

Namjoon nods and Jungkook wants to ask him to sit and join him.

Jungkook wonders if he should just throw his plans out the window and just suggest watching another Christmas movie with Namjoon. He's about to ask him, but before he can say anything, Namjoon is making a face and grumbling under his breath as he stares down at his feet.

"What's wrong?" Jungkook asks, watching him carefully.

"My bike hit a puddle on the way home," he whines softly and sticks one leg out to show him. Jungkook didn't notice it at first, but both legs of his pants, half up to his knees, are wet, clinging to his skin.

Jungkook wrinkles his nose. He hates the feeling of wet jeans. It makes him want to rip off the fabric as soon as possible, so he figures Namjoon is probably feeling the same right now. And, oh god, it's probably so cold.

"Hyung!" He exclaims. "You're probably freezing! Go change before you get sick!" It's not the first time Namjoon has come home covered in something. Usually, it's dirt on his pants from his various hikes. Everyone else in the dorm knows it's a commonality, so Jungkook can't be too surprised.

"It was so cold, I think my legs are already numb," Namjoon jokes, and Jungkook makes a distressed noise, ready to shove Namjoon toward his room and make his hyung get warm. He couldn't let his precious hyung get sick if he could prevent it. Not that Jungkook wouldn't be the first one volunteering to take care of him if he were to feel under the weather. 

"Please go change," Jungkook whispers this time, pointing toward the hallway where their bedrooms are.

"I will! Hey, if you're still watching movies, mind if I join you?"

This is the perfect time for Jungkook to ask him to meet him on the balcony after he changes, but he just nods. Maybe when Namjoon comes back out, he can get the courage to ask.

While he waits, he picks another movie to turn on, clicking on the first title he sees. The two actors on the front are wearing Christmas hats so at least he knows it's festively appropriate.

Ten minutes pass, and five more, and Jungkook is getting restless on the couch. Nobody else has come into the living room, Hoseok is still not back, and Namjoon hasn't returned from his room.

Maybe that should have been the first sign that this so-called foolproof plan had some holes. 

Did Namjoon forget? Or maybe he fell asleep? Or maybe he changed his mind because he somehow saw the balcony and found out about Jungkook’s plans and now he’s freaked out and hates him and Jungkook will be forced to move out and never be able to show his face again in public? 

His phone buzzes and Jungkook pulls it out. 

Jimin:

what’s going on 

Jungkook:

nothing :( 

Jimin: 

????

Jungkook:

he came back but he’s left to go change and hes still gone

i don’t think i can do this

he’s gonna reject me

Jimin: 

he’s not going to reject you lmao 

go find him!!! 

u know joonie hyung

he probably got distracted or something

Jungkook: 

or he knows and is avoiding me

Jimin:

oh my god

ur psyching urself out kook

go get him..we didn’t do all that work for nothing!!

u got this!!! taetae says good luck too! 

Attached is a picture of the two men sending him a thumbs up. 

Jungkook: 

i’m scared

can u do it for me

Jimin:

...

no.

Jungkook:

ugh fine! 

if this ends badly tho

u owe me a lot of food and cuddles

Jimin: 

ok deal 

He knows it’s a bit dramatic, but he’s right on the precipice of a giant confession that he’s been holding in for so long. He’s come this far without Namjoon finding out, and Jungkook technically could wait until next year. Or the next. There was no rush, really. Unless Namjoon meets someone soon. On his next bike outing, even. And Jungkook had allowed his fears to let this chance pass right through his fingers. 

No. He was going to do this. 

Jungkook sits up and squares his shoulders, throwing his phone back on the couch. He runs through the speech that’s burning a hole in his pocket while going to do one last check on the balcony. 

He makes his way to Namjoon’s bedroom, hesitating outside the room before sucking it up and knocking. 

Maybe Namjoon fell asleep and that’s why he didn’t return. He easily could have been exhausted after working in the studio the last few hours, and Jungkook was just being sil–

“Come in,” Namjoon’s voice rings out through the closed door. Jungkook comes into the room, closing the door behind him, to find Namjoon on the bed, dressed in some joggers and a long sleeve shirt, running a towel through his hair, damp, and oh. That makes sense. 

“Sorry for keeping you waiting, Koo. I ended up seriously needing a shower. I didn’t realize just how freezing I was until I had taken all my clothes off and thought I was going to freeze my ass off.”

He’s just talking, but Jungkook’s stomach goes warm at the mention of him being naked and nope, that’s not at all the point of him being here. 

“S’okay, hyung.” He shrugs and joins Namjoon on the bed, instantly able to smell the body wash he had used. It’s his favorite scent, and not just because Namjoon is the one who uses it. Okay, maybe it had a little bit to do with that. But the scent is also kind to Jungkook’s sensitive nose. 

“What did you do today?” Namjoon is asking him a question. He knows how to answer questions. Questions that have nothing to do with how his hyung smells. Or him being in the shower. Or being naked in the shower smelling good. 

What did he do today?

Oh, right. Setting up the balcony to finally fulfill his long-awaited New Years’ resolution. 

“Nothing much. Just worked out a bit and then hung out with Jiminie and Taehyung.”

“Good. You deserve to relax. You work so hard, Jungkookie,” Namjoon reaches up to squeeze his shoulder and Jungkook’s brain glitches. 

“So do you, hyung. You should relax too.” he coughs out, and he hopes Namjoon will pull away, but instead, the man just moves his hand down, resting it on Jungkook’s back, rubbing small circular patterns into his shirt. 

“Is this about me going to the studio? Because I already had to promise Jin hyung I wouldn’t work too hard and I really am trying to keep that promise. But I can’t pass up some inspiration when it hits me, you know?”

Jungkook is all too familiar with this feeling. As a musician, he knows it’s nearly impossible to ignore the burning desire to create, especially once the seed has been planted. 

“I know, hyung. As long as you’re not sacrificing your sleep or anything. We’re supposed to be enjoying our break.”

“Ah, Jungkookie. Always looking out for hyung, aren’t you? You’re too good. Thank you, I promise I won’t overdo, though.” 

Jungkook flushes at the praise. 

“Oh, that reminds me!” Suddenly, Namjoon stands up, going to grab his laptop from his desk and a pair of headphones, carrying them back over to the bed. 

“Do you mind listening to something I’ve been working on for a bit? I want to get a second opinion on if it’s any good.” 

Jungkook nods eagerly, reaching out for the headphones. It’s not that often that Namjoon asks him to listen to his demos. He understands that Namjoon’s music is oftentimes very personal to him, and the process isn’t always easy, so Jungkook knows it means a lot for him to ask Jungkook to listen this early on. 

Namjoon fiddles with the laptop a bit, and then suddenly music is pouring through the headphones. It starts out quite soft, before building and building with beautiful instrumentals. The music grows more intense, the beat starting to pulse more, the instruments getting louder and powerful, but still beautiful. There’s no lyrics, as Jungkook suspected, but the emotion is still there. 

It’s only about a minute and a half before it cuts off, but by the time the piano sound fades away, Jungkook pulls the headphones off his head, gently tossing them onto Namjoon’s bed. 

Namjoon is looking at him, concern written all over his face, and Jungkook doesn’t know why until he realizes his face was wet. Oh god. He brings his sleeve up to his face and wipes away the tears. 

He thought it was beautiful, but Jungkook didn’t realize just how much the song had affected him. 

“Hyung,” Jungkook breathes out. “Namjoon hyung, that was beautiful. I’m okay, I swear. It was just really really beautiful. Thank you for letting me listen.” 

The concern on Namjoon’s face slips away and it’s soon replaced by a soft smile. The kind that makes Jungkook wish he could kiss him freely. 

“You– really? You seriously like it?” Jungkook nods at his question and he wants to ask to listen to it again, but he’s afraid of what kind of reaction he’s going to have to it. He might cry again, or worse, confess right there. 

“I did. It was...powerful. Tragic, but still just as beautiful.” 

Namjoon asks him a few questions about the instrumentals and Jungkook gives him a couple of suggestions. When they’re done, Namjoon carries his laptop and headphones back to his desk, depositing them down and coming back to the bed. 

“Did you still want to go watch movies?”

Jungkook hesitates. This is his chance. He takes a deep breath and reminds himself that he won’t allow himself to lose this opportunity. 

“Actually, there’s something I want to show you, um, out on the balcony. If you’ll come with me?”

He stands up and his legs are a bit shaky, but he steadies himself and looks back at Namjoon. 

“Sure, Kook. This isn’t a prank though, right? I don’t want to have to take another shower again.”

Jungkook assures him it’s not a prank, and together, they walk toward the balcony. He pats his pocket again to make sure the speech is still there, breathes, and opens the door. 

All the decorations are still intact, and the fake snow luckily hasn't blown away. But there are two empty cups sitting on one of the tables. 

Jungkook doesn’t have any time to question it before he finally spots Yoongi and Hoseok on one of the benches, directly under the mistletoe, kissing softly. 

“Wha–What are you two doing?!” Jungkook exclaims, watching as they break apart when the couple notices they’re not alone. 

“Oh, hi Junkook! Namjoon!” Hoseok grins at him while Yoongi pouts, trying to cover it up with a smile, but his bottom lip juts out just a little too far to hide it.

“You! But when did you...and how did you...are you kidding me?” Jungkook wants to protest that it’s not fair! This was for him and Namjoon. Not for those two! 

“I just got home,” Hoseok carries on, like he didn’t just completely ruin Jungkook’s hard-worked plans. Realistically, he knows it’s not really his fault because he didn’t know, but still! “I bought me and Yoongi hyung some hot chocolate and asked if he wanted to drink it out here. I didn’t know you guys decorated out here! It looks great.”

Okay, maybe Hoseok’s compliment eases some of Jungkook’s frustration. But only a little bit. 

His plan failed so quickly, after hours of putting it together. And it’s not like he can tell Yoongi and Hoseok to go back inside and confess to Namjoon now. 

It would look like he was just copying them, like he had decided this on a whim, and Namjoon deserved more than that.

“I can’t believe this,” Jungkook grumbles out, and Yoongi raises an eyebrow.

 “Kook, what’s wrong?” 

“You wouldn’t understand, hyung,” he huffs and then apologizes when Yoongi looks mildly offended. Once again, he reminds himself, it wasn’t their fault. 

“Sorry Hobi, hyung. We didn’t mean to interrupt,” Namjoon nods to the both of them, much nicer than Jungkook has been about the situation, but then again, he doesn’t understand why Jungkook is so frustrated in the first place. 

“It’s no worry,” Hoseok tells them both. “We’re just enjoying the cute decorations. And these soft blankets. Are these Jimin’s? I swear he has some like this.” 

They were definitely doing a lot more than looking at decorations, Jungkook wants to add on but he’s not looking to get scolded for being disrespectful tonight. His mood has soured, and he just wants to go to bed. 

Yoongi and Hoseok are still curled up on the bench, sharing a large white blanket. It’s the exact scene that Jungkook had in his head. For him and Namjoon. He bitterly wonders if they even appreciated how carefully he had placed the lights on the plants. Or that the fake snow was actually pretty soft. Did they notice how perfectly the blankets had been arranged before they came and messed them up? And most importantly, did they notice how the mistletoe was hanging perfectly high enough to not notice straight away but was in the perfect spot above them? 

He’s getting himself worked up again and wishes that his hyungs didn’t look so adorable right now because Jungkook kind of wants to take out his phone and snap a picture of them that the couple would probably actually really like and thank Jungkook for.

 Ugh. Whatever. 

“Jungkook, come on, let’s go back instead and give them their privacy,” Namjoon is gripping his arm, gently pulling him back inside. Jungkook doesn’t resist, giving one last look at the mini winter wonderland before he’s inside, the door shutting behind them. 

“I thought you said that it wasn’t going to be a prank!” Namjoon whines, rubbing a hand over his face. “Kook, that was so embarrassing walking out on them like that!” 

Jungkook wants to argue, tell him that wasn’t at all the reason he brought him out there, but what else would he say? That he just wanted to show Namjoon the decorations? Oh haha. Look at how romantic this is! Oh, is that mistletoe? How cute! Let’s admire this as totally platonic buddies and no, I definitely didn’t have ulterior motives getting you out here. 

“Sorry hyung,” Jungkook says, trying his best to sound convincing. “I just thought you could use a laugh.”

“Your idea of a laugh is definitely something else, geez. You’re lucky they were only kissing, or we would have had one of those cups of hot chocolate thrown on us. Probably both, if they moved fast enough.”

Jungkook laughs at that, his mood lifting just slightly. 

His night was ruined, and he would need to think of another plan, but Jungkook realizes something, too. When walking out to see Yoongi and Hoseok, he was disappointed he couldn’t follow through with his plan. Not relieved he didn’t have to confess. Not thankful for them saving him from possible humiliation, no.

He was upset his plans had failed. 

But that meant he was willing to try again. 

“Do you still want to watch that movie?” Namjoon interrupts his thoughts, and even though, not even two minutes ago, he wanted to pout in bed under a blanket, Jungkook finds himself agreeing. 

“Sure, hyung.” 

The two end up watching the cheesy movie that Jungkook hadn’t actually managed to start earlier, and really, it ends up making no sense, everything explained through the ‘magic of Christmas’ which Namjoon tells him is a silly excuse. They make some popcorn, sharing a bowl between them, and when Jungkook makes more once they run out, he thinks he knows what the next idea is going to be. 

____________________________

It’s two nights later when he decides to try again.

After the disastrous first attempt, one that he had to retell to Jimin, and then again when Taehyung joined them, Jungkook had grabbed the list and pointed to idea eight. It wasn't the lowest idea on the list, but it was toward the bottom, also known as the ideas Jimin had written down only after both Jungkook and Taehyung had reminded him to put down all their ideas.

So, it wasn't too surprising that Jimin had looked like he wanted to protest, even suggesting that Jungkook goes with a choice at least within their top five, his self-proclaimed Best of the Best Ideas.

Jungkook reminded him how well their first idea had gone, which Jimin argued wasn't technically the list's fault. Everything had gone fairly smoothly up until Jungkook had left watch of the balcony.

But Jungkook insisted that this plan was going to be The One and the best part of all was that it required minimal preparation.

Taehyung offered to find a way to get all the hyungs out of the apartment for the evening, to not run the risk of them interrupting the two. He mentioned a new art exhibit that had opened up, but Jungkook knows if Namjoon had caught wind of them going without him, he'd probably mope around the dorm for a few days, or worse, insist on going and yet another one of Jungkook's plans would fail.

As luck would have it, when the night of Attempt Number Two rolls around, the rest of the group sans Namjoon and Jungkook all find themselves either busy with some self projects (Hoseok, Jin, and Jimin), hanging out with friends (Taehyung) or catching up on some much-needed rest (Yoongi).

Jungkook rejoices, knowing his plan is already moving forward on schedule, with no interruptions in sight.

He's already cleaned his room, making sure there isn't a stray sock or pair of underwear somewhere on his floor. His room is typically very tidy, and Jungkook takes his laundry seriously, but there have been times where he's been too tired to aim properly enough to his laundry basket, so he does a quick sweep to double-check nothing is dirtying the floor.

When he's satisfied enough that his room is clean, his next step is to pile on extra blankets and pillows on his bed, knowing that Namjoon is a sucker for soft things. Jungkook is more than happy to make his room look cozy and inviting. He takes it one step further and steals some of the Christmas lights they had leftover after decorating. He hangs them up around his bed frame, proud that he was able to throw together something so simple yet so warm and snug looking.

He decides not to put the mistletoe up yet, in case Namjoon is able to spot it right away. He wants to enjoy at least some of their movie night first and maybe even get a chance to spend more quality time with him before he confesses.

Everyone knows Namjoon isn't always the most tactile person, but when it comes to Jungkook, he usually doesn't hesitate in throwing a quick arm around him or giving his shoulder an affectionate squeeze. He often pulls Jungkook into hugs and even rubs his back gently.

Jungkook isn't sure why he's the one that Namjoon seems to be the most comfortable around in terms of physical affection, and yes it makes his heart race erratically in his chest, but Jungkook can't do much else to complain when he gets the chance to feel how warm Namjoon is, and how nicely he feels when his arms stretched around Jungkook's own body.

And yes, perhaps Jungkook really started to enjoy it when Namjoon began working out more. His arms were definitely a lot bigger, and somehow his thighs got more muscular and toned and perfect for Jungkook to sit down on and - okay, yeah. He just really appreciates Namjoon's beauty.

So instead, he shoves the mistletoe under his pillow, planning to find a time during the night that he can discreetly take it out and hang it from the string of lights.

He then leaves his room to go find Namjoon.

It's not hard to find the other man. He's still in the kitchen, where he had been earlier that day. He had been reading and taking some sort of notes at their kitchen table, something that resembled something too close to a homework assignment that Jungkook doesn't want to ask what he's doing.

Now, he's standing next to the stove, phone in hand, scrolling while a pot of water on the stove heats up.

"Hey hyung," Jungkook says while walking in the room, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

Namjoon stops his scrolling, looking up at him, a single dimple poking out as he gives him an easy smile. He sets his phone down on the counter and leans back again.

"Kook, hey! I was just making dinner. You hungry? I can make some for you too. It's just spicy ramen, nothing I can kill you with, I promise," he tells him, to which Jungkook responds with an eye roll. Namjoon had gotten better at cooking this year, thanks to Yoongi and Seokjin who sat him down one evening after he burnt a whole batch of kimchi fried rice and said they were going to give him lessons in his spare time, welcoming the other members to join if they so pleased.

Namjoon, looking terrified out of his mind at the intensity in both of their eyes, had only nodded and accepted his fate.

Now he had gotten fairly good at making easy meals, even able to follow a recipe pretty well one some of the more advanced cuisines.

Jungkook had made sure to always compliment him whenever he asked someone to try what he had made, and even helped him out when he needed it. One night, together, they had even recreated a couple of dishes from one of their Run BTS episodes, and the rest of the group had given them plenty of praises for it. Jungkook told them Namjoon deserved most of the credit, that he had just helped out, and when Namjoon tried to protest, Jungkook lightly kicked his foot under the table, a message to take the compliments as they were. 

So tonight, even with a simpler meal like instant ramen, Jungkook can't stop the smile from spreading across his face when Namjoon eagerly offers to cook for him.

"I'd love some ramen." Jungkook sets down his empty water bottle and goes to grab another package of ramen, tossing it next to the one Namjoon already had sitting out.

"You didn't have any plans, either?" Namjoon asks, to which Jungkook shakes his head. Well, he did have plans. A very specific one at that, but he tries to remain casual about it.

"Nope, just me and a Netflix marathon. Are you doing anything, uh, after you eat?"

He knows Namjoon hadn't talked about going anywhere, but he still holds his breath until Namjoon confirms he's just staying in.

"Nah, I figured I would actually listen to Jin hyung for once and stay in to relax."

The last part is laced with sarcasm, which means Seokjin probably brought up his work habits to Namjoon yet again.

"Oh, so you mean you aren't going to sneak out later and try to work once everyone else is asleep."

Namjoon groans.

"Kook-ah, that was one time, let it go! I beg you."

Jungkook laughs, knocking his shoulder against Namjoon who repeats the motion back.

"I'm just saying, hyung!"

Namjoon huffs playfully in return, turning to check the water. It was finally a gentle simmer.

"You see, this is why I don't cook. Everything takes so long. Why can't I just throw it all in at once? It all mixes together anyway." Namjoon is whining, and Jungkook wonders how long he's been standing here waiting.

He turns to check the stove and laughs at what he sees.

"Hyung, it would help if you turned the heat up. It's too low to boil."

Jungkook turns it up higher, and the water begins to simmer more.

"Oh. Oops."

God, he's so cute.

"It's okay, Namjoonie hyung. If it makes you feel better, Yoongi hyung accidentally poured half a bottle of chili flakes into the tofu soup he made last week and ended up ordering some from the restaurant down the street and pretended like he made it."

"He did not, oh my god."

Jungkook giggles. "He did! I'm serious!" He pauses. "But don't tell him I told you. He swore me to secrecy."

The other man just nods, pretending to zip his lips and toss the key behind him. Then winks at Jungkook.

"Your secret is safe with me, Kook. Thank you for making me feel less incompetent."

"You aren't incompetent. You're just not used to cooking so much for yourself. The little things are easy to forget sometimes. Happens to everyone."

Namjoon is looking at him, and Jungkook feels hot under his gaze. He can't decipher the look on his face, but his eyes are soft and Jungkook thinks he could get lost in them if he stared for long enough.

Finally, the water begins to boil and Jungkook helps open the packaging while Namjoon throws everything into the water.

Now would be a good time to bring up his plans. "Hey, Namjoon hyung?"

Namjoon hums, attention on stirring the ramen.

It helps ease some of Jungkook's nerves that Namjoon isn't looking at him right now.

"Do you want to join me? For my movie marathon? We could eat the ramen while we watch, and I think there's still some gingerbread cookies left."

Namjoon looks up from the pot to answer. "I'd love to. Should we bring it out to the living room when this finishes?"

"Actually, I have it all set up already in my room."

"Okay. Sure, Kook. That sounds like a lot of fun. I enjoyed our movie night the other day. Maybe we could make it a regular thing? Watch a movie together at least once a week." His face is staring straight into the ramen, and if Jungkook didn't know better, he would think Namjoon was blushing.

It must have been the steam from the boiling water, though.

"I'd like that a lot. Maybe you can even pick the movie next time. But I have to have veto power just in case," he teases. 

Namjoon laughs under his breath. "You're so generous to me."

Soon enough, the ramen is ready, and they're scooping it out into the bowls, and Jungkook grabs two glasses to fill with Coke before they carry it all to his room.

"Wow, you really went all out in here," is the first thing Namjoon says to him when they walk in.

It honestly wasn't a lot, but Jungkook takes the compliment anyway.

They set their bowls down and Jungkook selects the first movie he had picked out. It wasn't exactly the most subtle film he could have gone with, the plot involving two best friends who fall in love over the span of three Christmases, but he genuinely likes the movie and Namjoon doesn't seem to protest when he clicks on it.

They mostly eat in silence, the only word spoken being Jungkook asking Namjoon for an extra napkin from the stack he brought in, and Namjoon joking that he'd still be standing at the stove had Jungkook not come in.

When they finish their dinner, Jungkook stacks the bowls and sets them on his bedside table, not bothering to take them to the kitchen yet. He doesn't want to get up just yet. In case Namjoon somehow decides that he's bored and when Jungkook comes back he's gone.

He's watching the two characters tiptoe around each other, giggling when they just can't seem to get it.

"I don't get him," Namjoon says, causing Jungkook to look over at him in confusion.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Him!" He points at the tv, groaning. "He's in love with her, and yet he's just sitting there while she talks about finding a date to their Christmas party and isn't even saying anything! She likes him back, it's totally obvious."

"Maybe it's not obvious to him, hyung," Jungkook says softly.

"Jungkookie, they're both being dumb. He should have told her how he felt, and neither of them would have to keep hiding their feelings for each other."

Jungkook bites his lip. Namjoon is just talking about the characters on screen, he reminds himself.

"Yeah, but, even if he thinks he knows her feelings, it's still scary to tell someone how you feel."

He feels the need to defend the characters. They'll figure it out with time. After all, it's only the first Christmas and they still have two more to celebrate together.

"That is true," he hums, "but even so, shouldn't the risk be worth it? He could be missing out on so much time spent with her because he can't know for sure how she feels. But isn't that everyone? Nobody can truly know for sure how someone else feels about them. They just have to take that leap and hope they land on their feet safely."

"Even if the ground might just be a burning pit of fire and you're jumping right to your death?"

Namjoon gives him a funny look and shakes his head.

"No, you would have to have at least a little bit of knowledge about the ground before you jump. So you'd have some confidence that it won't be a total disaster."

Jungkook personally would weigh his options a lot harder than that. But he supposes that's what he's been doing this whole time.

"Okay but what if your parachute doesn't open?"

They both laugh at Jungkook's question. "I don't think this analogy makes sense anymore."

"I don't think so either."

They resume watching the movie, and Namjoon doesn't mention the character's decisions again for another twenty minutes.

Jungkook is breaking off a piece of the large gingerbread cookie, holding the bigger half out to Namjoon who happily takes it, nibbling off the side.

"Okay," he starts a few moments later, and Jungkook groans. "No, Kook, hear me out! Why didn't she accept his offer to go with him to the karaoke bar? It would have been the perfect opportunity to ask if it's a date! They're just being idiots now."

Jungkook lets him rant, humoring him because it's Namjoon (and he may have a bit of a point there).

He shivers, rubbing his arms to try to warm up a bit. The temperature outside must be dropping, and their apartment isn't warm enough to combat the night air.

"You cold?" Namjoon turns to him.

"Just a bit," he mumbles back. "I think my hoodie is around here somewhere."

"Wait just a sec," Namjoon tells him and Jungkook doesn't move.

He leans forward, grabbing the biggest fluffy blanket Jungkook had set out on the end of the bed, unfolding it, and lays it across Jungkook's body. He tucks it into his side and throws the other end over himself. It was plenty big enough to fit both of them underneath just how they were sitting now, but Namjoon scoots over until their shoulders are touching, moving his arm up and around Jungkook's shoulder, pulling him close to his side.

He might have just forgotten how to move. Or breathe. In fact, his whole body might be seconds away from shutting down because there's no way he can process how he's practically cuddled up against Namjoon's side right now.

The other man must notice his stiffness because he asks him quietly, "Is this okay?"

"Y-Yeah, S'good, hyung. You're uh, really warm," Jungkook manages to get out, forcing himself to relax back against Namjoon's embrace. He didn't want Namjoon to think he wasn't comfortable, or for him to pull away.

"Good...that's good. You are too. Warm, I mean."

Eventually, Jungkook relaxes back more. He even manages to talk himself into leaning his head against Namjoon's shoulder, who doesn't stop him, so he keeps it there for the rest of the movie.

Neither of them points out that they could have easily gone to turn the heat up in the apartment instead of huddling together under a blanket, but it isn't mentioned even once. 

Namjoon offers to bring the empty bowls and glasses to the kitchen when the first movie is over, and Jungkook uses it as the chance to finally hang up the mistletoe. It had been crushed under his pillow, but he smoothes the fake plant down and with shaky hands, hung it from the lights strung across his headboard. 

He wonders what Namjoon will say when he sees it. Or if Jungkook will be the one to point it out to him. Maybe he can play dumb and ask how it got there - no, that wouldn’t work. He would have to be honest, telling Namjoon everything he had planned. 

The speech is sitting in his bedside drawer right now, hidden between the pages of a book and buried under some cables. 

He checks to make sure Namjoon isn’t back yet. When he hears the water running from the kitchen, he knows he’s good to quickly read over the speech again, mouthing the words as he tries to practice saying them out loud to Namjoon. 

When Namjoon makes it back to his room, Jungkook is sitting on his phone, trying to pretend like he hadn’t just shoved the speech back into his drawer the moment he heard the sound of the other’s footsteps approaching. 

He walks in, seemingly unaware of the internal breakdown that currently is Jungkook's brain. He watches Namjoon carefully, but the man just walks straight over to the bed and sits back down, leaning against the headboard with his hands behind his head.

Jungkook feels a mix of relief and disappointment that he hadn't noticed the mistletoe. Maybe it's a good thing, he thinks. Maybe this way he can build up to it more naturally. He could even work his way up to cuddling against Namjoon again and wait for the perfect moment in the movie to confess. That would be romantic, right?

Yeah, that could totally work.

Unfortunately, Namjoon is sitting further away than before, close enough that when he pulls the blanket back over his legs Jungkook still has enough to cover his own body, but it's not the same.

"Hyung, you wanna pick the next movie?" Jungkook is handing the remote out to him, but Namjoon doesn't move.

"Hello? Namjoon hyung?" He waves the device in front of his face, and Namjoon blinks before finally reacting.

"Oh! Sorry, Kook. I zoned out. Hyung's just a little tired," he finishes his words off with a soft yawn, waving off the concerned look from Jungkook. "Are you sure? I thought you had a whole plan for tonight."

Jungkook's palms sweat at the choice of words.

"Plans? What plans? I didn't have anything planned tonight." He can hear the shakiness in his own voice.

"I meant with the movies. Didn't you have a whole marathon planned with movies you wanted to watch?" Namjoon clarifies, and Jungkook relaxes a bit. Of course that's what he meant. He still had no idea about Jungkook's real plans.

"Oh...right, yeah. I do," he shrugs. "But if you have a movie you want to watch, we can! The only rule is it has to be a Christmas movie. And cute ."

Taking the remote from him, Namjoon flicks through the selection of movies before stopping on The Polar Express. He looks over at Jungkook with hopeful eyes, more awake than he had been just moments prior.

"How about this? I don't think I've seen this movie in years. But it's super cute. Reminds me of being a kid and wishing hard Santa would come whisk me and my sister away to the North Pole."

Jungkook has to resist the urge to coo and call him the cute one. He's excited, and it may have not been the movie Jungkook had in mind, but he's more than happy to make a few sacrifices and alter his Ultimate Christmas Movie Marathon Experience (Self-Titled).

"It's perfect. After all, who doesn't love some magical middle of the night excursions on a terrifying train, creepy adults, and some really fucking good looking hot chocolate," he jokes.

"It did look really good," Namjoon agrees, and turns on the movie.

Namjoon is concentrating on the movie, lips twitching every so often as the hero boy finally boards the train, passing the houses and meeting all the other kids.

Jungkook feels a sense of nostalgia creeping up on him when he hears the familiar music from the movie and remembers his own childhood watching the movie with his family, wondering what it would be like to experience the magical land of the North Pole.

They're barely ten minutes into the movie when Jungkook has an epiphany. He quickly grabs the remote and pauses the movie.

"Oh! Joon hyung!" He exclaims, suddenly excited at his realization.

"Hmm?" Namjoon responds, slowly blinking, moving sluggishly when he finally registers Jungkook has been talking to him.

Jungkook doesn't notice, bouncing on the bed, clapping his hands together. "I should go make us some hot chocolate so we can pretend like we're drinking it like they do in the movie! Hyung, isn't that a good idea?"

Dimples poke out when Namjoon grins at him in return. "That sounds lovely. Want me to come with you?"

Jungkook shakes his head. "Stay here. It won't take more than five minutes. There should be some instant mix in the cabinet." He hops off the bed, pointing toward the screen. "Don't start it again without me though!"

With a promise from Namjoon that he will wait for Jungkook to return, the younger hurries out of the room and into the kitchen.

He whistles one of the songs from the movie while he heats up the milk on the stove, grabbing two of their most Christmassy looking mugs. He picks out the cutest one for Namjoon, of course. It has a bunch of different animals in Santa hats printed all over the sides, one that he knows Namjoon likes.

As he mixes in the hot chocolate powder, he thinks that this night was going quite perfectly. They can both enjoy the movie and their shared nostalgia of their childhood during the Christmas season together. With hot chocolate and extra marshmallows floating at the top, how much nicer could their evening get?

It would be such a sweet way to tell Namjoon about his feelings. Maybe Namjoon's lips will taste like chocolate if they kiss. Then they could curl up together and watch the rest of their movie marathon. And to think it was so far down on the list.

Carrying the two mugs back to his room, Jungkook prepares himself for what's about to happen.

When he walks in the room, proudly lifting up the two mugs to show Namjoon, he's met with possibly the cutest site he's ever seen in his entire life. A cute sight that completely messes his plans up, but he can't find it in his heart to be upset. Not one bit.

Namjoon is curled up on his bed, softly snoring into the pillow, blankets pooling around his waist. His glasses have fallen off his face and are laying on the pillow next to his head.

He looks so peaceful, and Jungkook's heart lurches. He must have been exhausted. Jungkook sets down both mugs and carefully pulls the fluffy blanket they had been sharing earlier further up his body until he's covered properly. Then he joins Namjoon on the bed, careful not to disturb his sleep, and sips his hot chocolate.

He'll let the man sleep for a while longer before he wakes him up to go back to his own bed. For now, he watches the movie, volume low and ends up finishing Namjoon's mug of hot chocolate too, occasionally looking over to make sure he's still resting peacefully.

Ah well.

He can revisit the list again in the morning. 

____________________________

Attempt #3 has to work. Third time's the charm and all that, right?

Jungkook thinks that maybe, just maybe, the universe hates him. His two carefully crafted plans have both ended before a confession could even begin. No kiss. No magic moment between him and Namjoon. Not even a chance for rejection. Jungkook hadn't made it that far to even begin reciting those words he practiced so many times.

Part of him thinks he should just corner Namjoon in their dorm somewhere, tell him everything, and get it over with.

But that doesn't match the Christmas spirit he's going for. Jungkook really wants to channel the holiday season into his confession to make the moment as magical as he can.

So, he sits down and inspects the list, looking for the next best idea. There are a few ideas on here that are nearly impossible, like the one that requires him to find someone who owns a horse and a carriage and elaborate matching prince costumes or the one where he has to somehow write an entire song and perform it for Namjoon. He tried to tell Jimin he couldn't write a song that's good enough to convey his feelings for the other man in such a short amount of time, but his hyung wrote it down anyway.

When he wakes up two days later with a sudden craving for sweets, Jungkook knows just what he’s doing. 

He spends the morning looking up a bunch of different recipes for different cookies, saving them to his phone, and checking their kitchen for all the ingredients. He has to make a quick trip to the local grocery store to pick up a few bags of melting chocolate and caramel, but a few hours later, he has all the ingredients sitting out on the counter and five different recipes printed out in front of him.

So maybe he went a little overboard with the cookies, but he knows that the other members will want some too, and he can afford to set aside some for the rest of the members. One of them is for more of those classic gingerbread cookies that they had eaten on movie night, chocolate drizzle sugar cookies, salted caramel, plain sugar (with plenty of icing to decorate them with), and some sort of soft cookie filled with raspberry jam that he hasn't had before but thinks that Namjoon will enjoy.

Namjoon is out again today, visiting some book shops to hunt down a special early edition copy of Les Misérables.

The first part of the plan requires him to actually bake all of these cookies, so he starts with the sugar cookies first to give them enough time to cool before he can decorate them.

He's working on mixing the dry ingredients for the gingerbread once the sugar cookies are in the oven, and there's flour everywhere, even in his ear and he has no idea how he managed that.

It’s, well, a lot, but when he presents Namjoon with a plate of the assortment of treats, carefully leading him under the mistletoe, he knows it will all be worth it.

Jungkook is taking the sugar cookies out of the oven and setting them down to cool when he hears someone coming into the kitchen.

He turns around, ready to explain why the kitchen is in a state of disaster, and hopefully shoo them out of the room, but he's a little relieved when he sees Seokjin standing there.

"Jungkook-ah," he begins, looking around at the mess, "What on earth are you doing?"

"Baking, hyung!" Jungkook gestures to the little workstation he has set up.

"I can see that, but why are you making so much? Is that," he pauses to count, " Five recipes sitting there?"

"Yup." He's mixing the rest of the ingredients into the mixing bowl when Seokjin walks closer, picking up the recipes and rifles through each of them.

"Okay, but why? Are you bringing them somewhere? Is there a party I don't know about?"

"Nope, they're for here. Us. All of us." Jungkook hopes that his hyung will be satisfied with that answer, and he won't press on for more answers.

"And you're doing all of this by yourself? What's got you wanting to turn our kitchen into a bakery? Did you do something?" Seokjin is mostly joking, but there's also a look in his eye that Jungkook suspects is at least a little serious.

"I didn't do anything! Can't I just bake a bunch of cookies for my fellow members without me having an ulterior motive?" Technically, Seokjin isn't even wrong in his assumption. He did do something, or is doing something. But how can he explain that it's for Namjoon without him asking more questions?

"Okay, Jungkook-ah." Seokjin doesn't look entirely convinced, but he doesn't push anymore. "Do you want help?"

Help would actually be great. He's trying to get all the dough made as quickly as he can so he can just pop them into the oven one-by-one and then decorate the ones that need it.

"Are you sure? You don't have any plans today?"

Seokjin just gives him a look. "I'm in my pajamas and it's almost two o'clock. Do I look like I'm going anywhere today?" He's wearing old pajamas that don't match and have been through the washing machine one too many times.

"Oh, I thought those were your normal clothes. You usually look like when you go out so I just assumed you had somewhere to be," he says with the straightest face he can manage, despite the giggle falling from his lips and swiftly dodges the smack Seokjin aims toward his head, grabbing his arm to force Seokjin to slap himself instead.

"You brat!" He yells, trying to get his arms around Jungkook's waist and lift him off the ground, smacking his ass hard to which Jungkook responds with a shriek and wiggles out of his grip to sideways karate chop Seokjin's neck. "I offer you my help and all you do in return is insult my clothing! I cannot believe you, Jeon Jungkook. And to think, to think, I was trying to be nice to you! A good hyung! Is this what I deserve in return?"

Jungkook is laughing, tears in his eyes as his red-faced hyung rants on. Their wrestling only ends once Seokjin forces him to admit to his lies and formally declare Seokjin as having the superior fashion sense.

"Please accept this as part of my humble apology," Jungkook says while holding out the nearly cooled sugar cookie, shaped like a Christmas tree. It has no decoration, but Seokjin accepts it anyway, complimenting him for how good it tastes.

"Apology accepted, but only because you make a damn good sugar cookie," he mumbles out between bites and then goes to grab another baking sheet.

Together, they roll out the dough for the gingerbread, spreading it out and using the cookie cutter to cut out the different shapes. He's grateful for Seokjin's help and thinks that the cookies will turn out nicely for Namjoon. For everyone else, too. But he's really looking for Namjoon's approval most of all.

Once they're in the oven, Jungkook starts on the salted caramel cookies and Seokjin does the chocolate drizzle. When they're both finished with each dough, they work on decorating the sugar cookies.

He's trying to outline the Christmas tree in green icing, tongue poking out in concentration when Seokjin says "You know, I'm pretty sure I heard Namjoon mention the other day that he was craving salted caramel cookies. And I know he really enjoyed the gingerbread ones. Aren't the chocolate drizzle ones his favorite, too?"

The comment is made so casually, but Jungkook presses down too hard on the icing bag, making it come out too fast, messing up the line he was making.

"Fuck," he mumbles out, grabbing a toothpick to try to fix the icing, but it only smudges it further. "I uh, maybe? I don't remember," he lies, grabbing another tube of icing to cover up his mistake.

Seokjin just hums. "Well, I think he's going to like them. He's got such a sweet tooth; I think he would probably be happy with whatever you make him."

Make him. Singular him.

"They're not just for him." It's not even technically a lie. There are too many cookies here for Namjoon to eat on his own that he has to give some away to the rest of the members. He hasn't even used all the dough either. The leftover sugar and gingerbread dough are sitting in the fridge and there are still three more types of cookies to be made.

"Of course, Kook-ah." Seokjin places the chocolate cookies on the tray and sticks them in the oven, going to clean out the mixing bowl to start the next mix. "I'm just saying. I think if you were to give them to Namjoon, you know, as a surprise it would make him very happy."

He's not going to take the bait. He's not going to take the bait. He's not going to take the-

"Did Taehyung and Jimin tell you something?" He curses himself for falling into such an obvious trap, but now he's curious. He didn't think the two would give away his secrets like that, but he also was wondering with how strangely close the three have gotten over the last few months if they don't keep secrets between them.

"They didn't say anything," he reassures, and Jungkook relaxes a bit. Seokjin isn't one to lie about things like this, but that still begs the question of how he knew what Jungkook was up to. "And I know it's none of my business, but if you're worried about how he may.... react to anything you might say or do, don't be."

It sounds so matter of fact that Jungkook almost believes him. There's still that overwhelming sense of doubt though. The thought that he's doing all of this to only be met with rejection in the end.

He wants to keep denying it, pretending like he's clueless to what Seokjin is trying to imply, but there's a chance here for him to tell someone else the truth. One less person he has to bury his feelings down in front of.

Jungkook takes the chance.

"You don't know that hyung," he whispers out, grabbing another cookie and tries to ignore how his hand shakes a little as he picks the icing bag up.

Seokjin stays silent for a moment, and Jungkook doesn't know if that's a good or bad thing. Maybe he realized Jungkook is right.

Two minutes pass. The silence is so uncomfortable that Jungkook considers turning on some music to cut the awkward energy in the room. He's about to reach for his phone and open a playlist when Seokjin finally says something.

" What I know," he begins, slowly, as if he's carefully choosing his words. "What I know, Kook, is that you're one of the sweetest people I know, and your heart is good. You've been here since you were so young and could have easily lost that sweet nature of yours, but you've never once been anything but your kind self, Jungkook-ah. All of us love that about you. You have a lot of love to give, don't you? And I think anyone would be lucky to have you. Namjoon especially."

"Thank you, hyung," Jungkook whispers, trying to discreetly wipe away the tears in his eyes. He wants to think that Namjoon would be lucky, he really does, but it's just not that simple. "I'm really not so sure he feels the way I do about him, though."

Seokjin studies his face for a second, putting down the mixing bowl and wiping his hands on a towel sitting off to the side.

"Then what's the point of you doing all of this?"

Jungkook stares down at the mess of icing, cookies, and dough and wonders what the reason was for everything he's done so far. The list, the careful planning, the time spent trying to make sure the words he had to say were going to be perfect. Why was he going through all this trouble?

"I...I don't know."

He thinks about the resolution. Was he just trying to fulfill a promise he had made, half-drunk, in the middle of a hotel room in a different country, still high off the excitement of performing for so many people? Did he even really have hope that Namjoon felt the same way?

Maybe this was all a bad idea. Had he even sat down and really thought about what he was doing?

"Jungkook-ah, look at me."

He shakes his head, gripping the cookie in his hand so hard it breaks in his hand.

Seokjin turns him, carefully grabbing the cookie out of his hand before placing his hands on his shoulders.

"Kook, look at me." He doesn't continue until Jungkook finally meets his gaze. "I don't mean it like that. I'm sorry, I should have worded that better. What I mean is, I think there's a part of you that knows that Namjoon has feelings for you too. I know it's scary, but you wouldn't be doing this if you weren't at least a little convinced of that, right?"

Does he think that? Sure, he's had moments where Namjoon will hug him a little longer than the others. Where he thinks he may have caught Namjoon staring at him, but tells his brain it was just his eyes playing tricks on him. How Namjoon usually seeks him out when he's having a bad day and they just talk about it or go get ice cream and Namjoon still pays no matter how hard Jungkook tries to insist it's his treat. Namjoon likes to go on bike rides and hikes on his own, but occasionally he will invite Jungkook along. Sometimes they don't even speak at all. He thinks about how Namjoon has called Jungkook his rock or how he will tell Jungkook when a song reminds him of the younger and share it with him. They're usually sweet songs, the ones he knows Jungkook loves. He even has a playlist for all of them.

So maybe Seokjin is right. Maybe he does believe, beyond that sliver of hope, that Namjoon has feelings for him too. It's frightening to admit it when it could so easily be wrong, and Jungkook desperately doesn't want to be.

"You're right," he admits quietly. "I just really don't want to be wrong about it. I keep telling myself ' oh it's okay if he rejects you because he won't be unkind about it' but it's still going to hurt if he does. A lot, hyung."

"I know it's scary, Jungkook-ah. And I wish I could convince you that you have nothing to worry about, but I understand the fear of being rejected. Even if you're completely convinced of how someone might feel about you, it's terrifying to open yourself to potential heartbreak. But I really honestly believe that things will be okay."

He doesn't know how to respond so he just pulls Seokjin in for a hug. They both stand there in the kitchen, Jungkook clinging onto him until the timer goes off and the other man has to pull away to retrieve the cookies from the oven.

They continue making cookies together, and finally, when the last batch is in the oven, the raspberry filled butter cookies, Jungkook groans and pretends to collapse against the kitchen counter. "Oh my god, I think my arm is going to fall off from all that mixing."

"What, all those weights at the gym didn't help?"

Jungkook lifts his head up only to glare at him, but he looks more like a pouty bunny than anything.

"Lifting weights and mixing dough together are two very different things! They work different muscles," he whines. At least that sounds right. He doesn't know. His arm is just sore and he's never making cookies again for a long time. Perhaps they just invest in one of those electronic stand mixers.

"Come on Jungkookie," Seokjin says, patting his back. "Let's clean up."

He groans, not moving until Seokjin has to pry him away from the counter.

"Nooo," he whines. He hates this part of baking.

Nevertheless, they clean the kitchen, and when Taehyung and Jimin come in a few minutes later, demanding Seokjin's attention, Jungkook tells him he can finish up on his own. It would give him time to make sure he's ready for when Namjoon comes home.

Cleaning the rest takes about ten minutes, but it looks cleaner than before and so Jungkook is satisfied. Then he plates the cookies on a Christmas platter (minus the ones still baking) and tries to pick out the best ones from the dozens sitting in their containers.

Leaving the cookies on the counter, he has to rush back to his room to grab the mistletoe. He tears through his drawer to look for it, only to find that it had made its way under his bed. It must have ended up there after he had woken Namjoon up, half-asleep himself, and then proceeded to toss it off the bed and then knocked out.

It's when he's walking back out to the kitchen, trying to determine the best place to hang the mistletoe that he runs into someone. He's not paying much attention to where he's looking, obviously.

"Sorry hyung!" Jungkook breathes out, looking up to see who he all but slammed into. Of course, it's Namjoon. The man must have returned when Jungkook was searching his room for the missing mistletoe.

"Why are you in such a rush?" He asks, rubbing his shoulder gently.

An excellent question. One that Jungkook cannot answer.

"Uh," he thinks for a moment, begging his brain to come up with a good explanation, "No reason! Just um, going to grab something from the kitchen."

He's trying to keep going, but Namjoon grabs his hand before he can run off. His heart skips a beat.

"Wait, Kook. Look!" Namjoon is excitedly pulling out a book, and holy shit it's freaking huge, holding it out to him.

Jungkook takes it in his hands, being careful with it because he knows how hard Namjoon has been searching to get his hands on a copy.

"Oh my god, hyung, I can't believe you found it!" He turns the book over in his hands. It's old, but in great condition considering.

"I know," Namjoon gushes, a smile wide on his face. He bounces back on his heels and Jungkook hands him the book back. "I had to call a few stores and finally one said they had it, but it wasn't for sale. I was about to give up when I found a small shop and agreed to sell it to me. It was expensive but so worth it, Kook."

Jungkook notices another book in the paper bag and asks, "What else did you get?"

"Oh, it's uh," he chuckles awkwardly and reaches back into the bag to pull out a smaller book, showing it off to Jungkook. "It's for you, actually. I was going to wait to give it to you on Christmas, but here, you can have it now."

"For me?" Jungkook asks, taking the book as it's held out to him. The title is in English, and he opens it, flipping through the first few pages. It's full of different art pieces, with paragraphs written about them, and the artists who painted them.

"Yeah," Namjoon nods. "I don't know if you remember, but I was reading that art book last year and you started looking through it. You seemed interested in it, and I was going to get you your own copy, but I thought it was kind of dumb because I already own a copy and we live together, so it wouldn't make sense to get you your own when you can just borrow mine. Then I saw this one and I stood in the shop reading it for like, ten minutes, and thought you might really like it."

Jungkook stares at him, wondering what he must have done to deserve such a thoughtful gift for Namjoon.

"I love it, thank you," he says, a smile spreading across his face as he continues turning pages in the book.

"It's in English, so if you need any help reading it, you can always come find me."

Jungkook thanks him again, grateful that his hyung is so sweet to give him this book and offer to help him translate the parts he might have trouble understanding.

He feels kind of silly now. When he shows Namjoon the cookies, how in the world are they supposed to compare to this? The cookies will be gone, in a few days maximum, but this was something he was going to keep for a long, long time. Probably forever if he can help it.

"There's also something else to go along with this gift, but you can get that on Christmas."

"Hyung! We all agreed to one gift each," Jungkook whines, shaking his head.

"It was all going to go together, so it's technically one gift. You just got part of it early. Think of it as a preview to the rest of your present."

Jungkook rolls his eyes. He would be more pressed if he hadn't used the exact same reasoning on Namjoon's Christmas gifts as well. He found a book highlighting good care tips for a number of different plants when shopping for his hyungs a few weeks back and immediately bought. Then he remembered the shears that Namjoon mentioned needing for his bonsai tree, which Jungkook also picked up. Finally, he found a website that sells yearly subscriptions for organic bonsai fertilizer that will be sent to the dorm every month.

He thinks they're all things Namjoon will like and hopes that he will get good use out of all of them.

"Well, thank you. I can't wait to read it. It's really thoughtful of you. I seriously love it." Jungkook holds the book close, happy with his early present.

"I was a bit worried you might not like it, so I almost walked out without it, but it just felt like something you would enjoy, you know? And maybe we read together some time?"

Jungkook thinks that sounds like a perfect idea.

When he agrees to the idea, Namjoon smiles back at him brightly.

"Awesome. I have a stack of books I've been meaning to get through, and this thing right here," he waves the bag, "Is going to be a challenge because it's in French and I think trying to learn the language would be fun and– wait, do you smell that?"

He sniffs, and it smells like burnt sugar and– oh god.

"Fuck! The cookies!" He thrusts the book into Namjoon's hands and runs toward the kitchen. He doesn't see any smoke, a good sign, but pulls open the oven door. He pulls the tray out, looking down at the mess. The cookie part has browned a lot, to the point they were looking a lot closer to black. And the raspberry jam was hard. Jungkook can't believe it. He hadn't heard the timer go off, so he checks, and yep, he didn't set the timer.

"Fuck," he whispers out, not believing that he's ruined the cookies. He's trying to stay calm, and blink away the tears as they pool in his eyes. He almost cried once here today; he's not going for a round two. 

"What happened?"

He scrubs a hand over his face and waves a hand in Namjoon's direction. "M'fine, everything's fine. Just burned a batch of cookies." Except it's not fine and they're ruined.

"Did you bake?" Namjoon asks, and Jungkook heaves out a sigh.

 "Yeah, but it didn't go too well, clearly.” If he sounds bitter it’s because he mostly definitely is. 

“Then what are all these?” 

And when Jungkook turns around, he sees that Namjoon isn’t even looking at the stove, nor the horrible mess that the raspberry thumbprints turned into. Instead, he’s looking at the carefully arranged plate sitting on the counter, picking up one of the salted caramel cookies and biting into it. “Holy fuck, Kook, this is amazing,” he groans, shoving the whole thing into his mouth. 

“Really? I didn’t try them, but there’s a whole bunch more in the containers over there.” 

Namjoon’s eyes widen and he looks over to where Jungkook is pointing, visibly surprised at the multiple containers filled with cookies. 

“You made all of this?” 

“Seokjin hyung helped, but yeah. I wanted to bake cookies, and found a few recipes,” he shrugs, still disappointed that the last batch burned. 

Namjoon picks up a decorated candy cane sugar cookie next and takes a bite. “Jungkook, these are fantastic.” 

The disappointment swirling around in his stomach loosens up a bit. Namjoon seems to like them so far, even without the last cookie. 

Namjoon finishes the cookie and then blushes. “Sorry, I just started eating them without asking. I don’t know if these are sitting out for a special reason.” 

“No!” Jungkook rushes to explain. “I mean, yes they are,” and Namjoon frowns, opening his mouth like he’s about to apologize again and Jungkook interrupts before he gets the wrong idea. “They’re yours. Those are for you.” 

“They’re...for me?” 

Jungkook nods carefully. He thinks about the mistletoe burning a hole in his pocket right now. Maybe he could still salvage the moment. It wasn’t the surprise he was going for, but there might still be a chance here. 

“Jungkook-ah, you’re incredible, you know that?” Namjoon is pulling him into a hug, and Jungkook contemplates if he, as a human being, could live functionally in Namjoon’s arms for the rest of his life. 

“Y-You’re welcome,” he says, stomach warm at the thought of Namjoon liking the cookies. This could work. He still had a way to tell Namjoon. 

“Here,” he reaches for a chocolate drizzle, splitting it in half and offering a piece to Jungkook. They both munch on the cookie and split two more when they finish. 

Now is a good time as ever. 

He can do it. 

“Namjoon hyung,” Jungkook begins, trying to think about the words in the speech he had prepared, “From the first time I met you, you’ve always been so important to me. I used to think about how amazing it was that I was able to be in a group with someone I admi-” 

A ringing interrupts his speech, and Namjoon gives him an apologetic smile before he answers. 

“Hello, PD-Nim.” He mouths an ‘I'm sorry’ to Jungkook before shuffling out of the room, voice carrying as he continues the phone call.

Once he’s gone, Jungkook buries his face in his hands and resists the urge to scream into them. 

He was so fucking close. Closer than close. He was actually confessing. Saying the words that he thought would never even be able to get past his lips. 

And he would have gone through with it all right then and there if it wasn’t for that stupid phone call. 

Hoseok finds him hanging upside down off the couch twenty minutes later, stuffed full of way too many Christmas cookies and a persisting stomach ache that doesn’t go away until he whines for Hoseok to make him some ginger tea. 

____________________________

There’s definitely something ironic about how the two people who encouraged him to pursue this whole ‘confess to Namjoon before the end of the year thing’ are also the same ones responsible for ruining his latest attempt. 

It’s not like they meant to. But Jungkook is really getting tired of things not going his way, and he could do with the universe siding with him. Just once, he begs. 

It starts out just fine. That morning he had made the decision that after everything he had tried and failed, sticking to the basic ‘oh is that a mistletoe above us? Guess that means we have to kiss now!’ was his best bet. 

He doesn’t bother telling Jimin and Taehyung about his plans yet. It’s early in the morning and he doubts they’re awake anyway. In fact, nobody else in the dorm seems to be awake when Jungkook rises, which is absolutely perfect for him to put his plan in motion. 

It doesn’t take long, minutes really, but Jungkook spends three just trying to find the perfect place on the Christmas tree to hang the mistletoe. He knows it will blend into the tree easily enough that nobody will notice it straight away, which is exactly what he is going for. 

Now all he has to do is wait. 

Jungkook hopes to get Namjoon alone before everyone else is up and finally finishes this whole thing. He heard the man moving around in his room, and then the shower running, so Namjoon is bound to come out at any point.

Even if someone else beats him to the living room, then Jungkook will just find another time in the day to pull him under the tree if he has to.

Jungkook has picked out his softest red sweater to wear and even puts on a Santa hat to match. He wants to look adorable when he's confessing. He doesn't have any cookies, or decorations, or even movies to entice Namjoon. Just himself and the plastic mistletoe that is almost falling apart from all the times Jungkook has shoved it into his drawer or pocket.

Just because his plan is going to be simple doesn't mean he's about to slack off and not give Namjoon the confession he deserves.

Though when he paces around the living room, he starts to think maybe he could have done something more. He could run out and get him some pastries? No, that's too similar to the cookies he baked. Maybe sing him a song? No, he hadn't prepared anything and he doesn't even want to think about how awkward it would be if he woke everyone else up with the performance and they all had to witness that.

(Plus, if he was going to go down the song route, he'd write his own. Which he's already determined there was no time left to do such a thing.)

He's a bundle of nerves ready to burst. His pacing hasn't stopped, and Jungkook is pretty sure his nails weren't that short when he first woke up this morning.

Jimin and Taehyung aren't awake either, so Jungkook can't ask them to remind him that he can still do this, and it won't be a dumpster fire train wreck. He tries to tell himself, but it's nothing like the reassuring way his hyungs talk to him. And it usually will involve lots of hair petting, which he loves. He could technically pet his own hair, but it's a bit weird and doesn't feel the same as when the others do it.

He's fiddling with his hat, flicking the pom-pom back and forth, twirling it around, anything to keep his hands busy while he continues to pace.

Five minutes pass and Jungkook thinks he's done a good job at distracting himself, but when he hears a door open and Namjoon walks out, he's ready to run.

"Good morning Jungkookie," Namjoon greets him in his low voice that's much more prominent in the mornings. His damp hair from his morning shower, fitted shirt clinging to his skin, and of course, the grey sweatpants are all enough to make Jungkook's mouth go dry and brain turn to mush.

"Morning," he squeaks back, hoping it's not too obvious that he's openly staring at Namjoon. He fights the voice screaming that he wants to climb Namjoon for looking like that. This confession wasn't supposed to involve any of Jungkook's...less pure thoughts. It was meant to be about how he was deeply in love with Namjoon, and okay, yes that did include a lot of thoughts that made him blush all over, but that wasn't part of his confession. For today. At least.

"You look cute. I like the Santa hat," Namjoon tells him suddenly.

I like you, he wants to say. Instead, he just thanks him quietly.

"Have you been up long?"

Jungkook shrugs his head at the question. He woke up with the sun a few hours ago, but he hadn't left his room until he was sure he had everything for the plan ready. He even remembered to grab the speech he had forgotten last time. "Eh, kind of? I just couldn't sleep anymore."

"Are you having problems sleeping, Kook-ah?" Namjoon asks, face serious all of a sudden.

"No, no, hyung. It's nothing like that, I swear. Just had a lot on my mind today, I guess."

"You sure you don't want to try to go back to sleep? I'm sure Tae or Jimin will still be out for at least another hour. You could go crawl into bed with them. I doubt that they'll mind."

"Really, I'm fine," he reassures Namjoon, who still doesn't look completely convinced, but nods anyway.

"If it keeps happening though, come find me, okay? I can always make you some tea, even if it's the middle of the night. Just don't suffer alone."

This is another reason he fell in love with Namjoon. He cares so deeply about everyone around him, especially the other members. He’s there, always offering himself up as someone to talk to or just a shoulder to cry on when someone needs it. He’s incredibly selfless, and Jungkook knows he’s lucky, all of them are, to have Namjoon with them. 

The rest of the group tries their best to give solace to Namjoon, to ease his burdens and worries, and return the same support that he showers everyone else in. And they do. They all have their own special way of taking care of him. 

They can tell when there are those harder days, a black cloud trailing behind him, persistent in its pursuit to pour down a storm of negative thoughts. All of them do what they can to ease his troubled mind, to be a calming presence to drive away the storm. 

It doesn’t always feel like it’s enough, though. Namjoon has led them to tall peaks and as they still continue to reach new heights, they’re all too aware that there are burdens that come with this amount of success. 

Bangtan made a promise to each other to always navigate the path ahead together, and even when someone trips and stumbles, the rest of them are there to help them back up, dust off their shoulders, and walk again. 

Jungkook just wishes that he could do more to make sure Namjoon knows he’s always there for him. 

“I promise I won’t. Same goes for you though, hyung.” He feels the need to add the last part for good measure. 

“Of course, Jungkookie.” 

They fall into a comfortable silence after that, Namjoon going into the kitchen to make some coffee and Jungkook pretends like he’s fixing a branch on the tree, but he’s really just making himself look busy until the other comes back. 

He returns a minute later, mug in hand, and walks toward the couch. Before he can sit down, Jungkook decides that he has to do it now. 

“Wait, hyung. Come over here.” 

Namjoon gives him a curious look while carefully setting down his mug, he walks over to where Jungkook is standing by the Christmas tree. 

“What’s up?” 

Jungkook adjusts the front of his Santa hat and pats his pocket and relaxes a bit when he feels the folded-up paper. His hands shake as he pulls it out, unfolding the paper and staring down at the words on the page. It feels like decades ago that he had written it all. 

“I have something I want to say. To you. Please just listen.” Jungkook can see Namjoon’s eyebrows raise up in confusion, but he doesn’t say anything, to which Jungkook is very grateful. He’s already anxious enough, the pit in his stomach growing by the second. 

“Namjoon hyung,” he reads from the page, “From the first time I met you, you’ve always been so incredibly important to me. I used to think about how amazing it was that I was able to be in a group with someone I admired so much. I still think it’s amazing. You’ve shown me that I have so much more potential than I could have ever imagined was possible. I wouldn’t be standing here, right now, if it wasn’t for you. I can’t tell you exactly when things started to change, but-” 

“Everyone in the living room right now! Emergency meeting! Wake up!” Taehyung’s voice comes booming down the hallway. 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Jungkook mutters, annoyance burning in his veins. He was seconds, seconds away from his confession, the words quite literally falling from his lips. 

Namjoon gives him a sympathetic shoulder squeeze before turning his attention toward Taehyung.

He shoves the paper back into his pocket and crosses his arms over his chest. It just wasn’t fair! He’s been trying so hard. 

When Taehyung enters the room, Jimin and Seokjin right behind him, they all pause when they see Namjoon and Jungkook still standing by the Christmas tree. 

“Oh. Are we interrupting?” Jimin’s looking at Jungkook, who wants to scream ‘Yes! Go away!’ but he just sighs and heads to the couch to sit down. 

“What’s goin’ on?” Yoongi is walking into the living room, going straight to the couch to curl up. Hoseok trails in just a moment later and takes a seat next to Yoongi. 

“We’re not doing more decorating right? Christmas is in like, three days.” 

Jimin shakes his head at Yoongi’s question while Taehyung bounces on the balls of his feet. Seokjin reaches a hand up to gently rub Taehyung’s arm and the other man calms down a bit at the touch. 

“We have something important we need to tell you all,” Seokjin says suddenly, and the four on the couch perk up, their interest clearly peaked. Even Jungkook, pouting in his misery, sits a bit straighter when he hears the serious tone in Seokjin’s voice. 

“Go ahead, you know you guys can tell us whatever it is you need to,” Namjoon speaks up, giving the three an encouraging smile. 

Hoseok, Yoongi, and Jungkook all nod in agreement. This is an open space to speak about anything freely, they were all aware of that. 

“We’re dating,” Jimin reveals, “All three of us.” 

“Yeah, and if you have a problem with it then we don’t give a fuck because we’re happy and in love and nothing you can say or do will change that!” Taehyung shouts and the other two groan while Seokjin rubs a hand over his face. 

“That’s not what we rehearsed, Tae,” Seokjin says with a shake of his head. 

“ What he means, ” Jimin continues, rubbing Taehyung’s back, “Is that we really hope you support us. I know it isn’t exactly the most typical relationship, and maybe it will take you all some time to understand, but we’re really happy together.” 

He smiles at the two, who give him matching grins in return. 

Yoongi is the first to speak. “Congratulations. You three deserve to be happy, and I’m glad it’s with each other. Of course we’re going to support you.” 

“Yeah!” Hoseok pipes in, grin spreading across his face. “We love you. And we love that you guys love each other.” 

Jungkook smiles, his previous annoyance gone. He was too happy for his hyungs to think about anything else. “Me too. You seemed a lot happier these days. You all deserve this, and I think Yoongi hyung is right, I’m glad that it’s you guys. You all seem to fit together really well. It’s sweet.” 

The trio at the front looks at Namjoon, who still hasn’t said anything yet. 

“Hyung,” Jimin starts, worrying his bottom lip, “What do you think?” 

“Well,” Namjoon begins, leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees, “Of course I’m happy for you guys. Seriously, it’s really a brave thing to stand in front of anyone and confess something like this. Your relationship is your own, and you don’t have to explain it or justify it to anyone. I think anyone who’s unsupportive isn’t worth your time. I’m grateful you don’t have to worry about that, here in this room with us. And I know you guys know to be careful, so I won’t even bother to tell you all that. But,” he pauses, and rubs the back of his neck, “Didn’t we all already know you guys were together?” 

“What!?” Taehyung exclaims, looking between his two boyfriends. “Did you tell them?” 

“I didn’t say anything!” Jimin defends himself, throwing his hands up. They both turn to Seokjin. 

“Well don’t look at me! I’m just as confused as you guys! Namjoon-ah, please explain.” 

“What do you mean, you guys were there!” Namjoon says at the same time Yoongi goes, “It’s not surprising to me either actually.” 

“ Oh my god. Okay, Namjoon-ah. Explain.” Seokjin points to Namjoon, an incredulous expression on his face. 

“I really don’t understand why I have to, but okay. I saw you guys a couple weeks ago on the couch. You were all cuddling together and kissing. You guys saw me. I even said hello!” 

The trio all exchange looks. This time it’s Taehyung who speaks. “We thought you didn’t see! You came in and we stopped, and so we all thought you hadn’t seen us kiss. And you didn’t say anything about it!” 

“Was I supposed to? I didn’t think it was appropriate to comment on you guys kissing? What would I even say? ‘Oh, hey guys, nice form, but maybe use less tongue next time?’ I’m not going to do that!” 

Jungkook holds back a giggle, covering his mouth with his hand. 

“You could have said something! Weren’t you shocked when you saw us?” Taehyung almost sounds offended.

Namjoon shrugs, and Jimin’s eyes bulge. “What is that supposed to mean? Didn’t you care? Hyung!” He cries out. 

“I already knew before that, too? I mean, I wasn’t totally sure, but you guys weren’t exactly really discreet, so I thought that was your way of telling everyone.” 

“Hyung really walked in on us making out and just thought ‘yeah seems normal’ . I cannot believe this. And to think we’ve been freaking out for days over how they would all react!” Jimin is staring at his boyfriends, who look equally as shocked as he is. 

“Like I said,” Namjoon speaks again, trying to defend his name, “I don’t make it a habit of commenting on people kissing. Jungkookie and I accidentally walked in on Hobi and Yoongi hyung making out last week but I didn’t say anything! Okay, not until now, but still!” 

Jungkook rolls his eyes, remembering the night all too clearly.

Yoongi scoffs. “Yeah, and you two should have knocked–”

“Knocked!? It was outside! Who knocks to go out on the balcony?” Namjoon cries out, falling back against the couch cushions. 

“It’s not our fault! Someone put mistletoe out there!” Hoseok butts in. 

“You two kiss everywhere! Mistletoe or not, you have no control!” 

“Hey! What happened to ‘oh I don’t like to comment on people kissing’, huh?”

And suddenly the whole hyung line is arguing at eight in the morning. 

Seokjin is demanding that Yoongi explain what he meant by also not being surprised, while he shrugs, causing Seokjin to narrow his eyes, threatening to burn his Christmas present if he doesn’t talk. Hoseok and Namjoon are bickering about the balcony and a lack of privacy. 

Jungkook looks at Taehyung and Jimin and all three immediately dissolve in a fit of giggles. 

Later, once everyone has calmed down and Jungkook makes the hyung line apologize to each other for their bickering, they all order a large breakfast and end up devouring it, plus the last of the Christmas cookies remaining. Jungkook watches them all, smiling when Seokjin, Jimin, and Taehyung all press soft kisses to each other’s cheeks, clearly happy to not be hiding their relationship anymore. 

He imagines that could be him one day. And when he feels a foot knocking into his, and it’s Namjoon offering him another hotteok, he eagerly accepts the food, exchanging soft smiles with the other man while they finish their meal. 

____________________________

It takes two days, seven phone calls, and four hours in the freezing cold for Jungkook to finally, finally, get it right. 

The past two weeks, the multiple failed attempts, and the many hours spent planning and then replanning have all led up to this one moment. 

It’s Christmas Eve, and the first snowfall of the season, so most of the morning was spent taking pictures outside in the snow and uploading them to Twitter. They even take a group selfie, smushed together and grinning and Jungkook makes it his new phone background. 

Once everyone goes in to warm up, Jungkook jumps right into getting things ready. 

The list had been thrown away, ripped up, and forgotten. He was done trying to come up with plans from it, ones that just never seemed to work out, so Jungkook comes up with an entirely new idea from scratch. He even throws the stupid fake mistletoe away. Honestly, he was glad to see it gone. 

He even tossed the speech away in the trash, too. He wants to speak straight from the heart when the time comes. 

Jimin and Taehyung, apologetic that they messed up his previous plan, and despite Jungkook’s assurance that he’s no longer upset about it, insist on helping him one final time. So Jungkook suggests they can go pick up the supplies he ordered, and they jump on it, dragging Seokjin along too with Jungkook's permission.

(He thinks he's pretty lucky he has such good friends to help him.)

While they're out, Jungkook calls back the woman who played a huge part in how his plans came to be and confirms that he can still come to set up.

She tells him yes, and he breathes a sigh of relief. So far, so good.

Now he just waits for the others to return with the supplies. Luckily, they're back within the hour, carrying in two large boxes and depositing them in his room.

"The owners kept asking what on earth we needed with all of this, and I didn't think I could explain to them if I wanted to. I mean, you really plan to use all of this? How much did all of this cost?"

Jungkook just thanks them and assures the three that he does, in fact, need it all.

"And you're sure you don't want us to come to help you set all this up? This is gonna take forever, Kookie," Seokjin says. When Jimin and Taehyung informed him of Jungkook's plans on the way there, he was shocked. Impressed, but definitely surprised at how elaborate his plan was.

"No thank you hyungs, I can do it."

They seem skeptical, and Taehyung tries to protest that he can't possibly do all of this himself, but finally, they relent when Jungkook threatens to not take pictures of the final product when he's done.

Once they're gone, Jungkook checks the boxes to make sure everything is there and carries them out of his room, ignoring the curious stares from Yoongi who's currently making coffee in the kitchen. He doesn't say anything, but Jungkook thinks he can see his lips curl up into a small smile.

Loading the boxes into the car, Jungkook is off. It's only about a thirty-minute drive to get to his destination, to which he spends running through the checklist in his head that will ensure that his night goes as smoothly as possible. 

The woman greets him when he finally arrives and shows him where he can set everything up. He sets his boxes down under the pergola and gets straight to work. 

Two hours in, and the woman comes back around to offer him a steaming mug of tea. Jungkook steps down from the ladder and accepts the drink with a polite bow. He talks with her while he drinks his tea. She’s a kind, older woman who tells him about how long she’s owned this place, and all the people she’s met over the years. Jungkook listens to her stories with wide eyes, surprised at how interesting her life has been.

When he finishes the tea, she takes it from him and starts to leave. Before she goes, she turns back to Jungkook. 

“In all my years working here, I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone call me and request what you did. It caught me by surprise, I almost thought it was one of those silly pranks. But you must really love whoever you’re doing all of this for.” She gestures to his work, and Jungkook nods.

He really does. Namjoon deserves something like this. He deserves the world, in fact. 

“I do,” He tells her, and she smiles at him in return. 

“Well, I think that they will love it. They must. I’ve never known what to do with this area, but I think this will look absolutely stunning. Especially once the sun goes down.” 

Jungkook thanks her, and then thanks her again for allowing him to rent out the whole place for the night. She gives him a knowing smile and winks before walking away, humming a Christmas song under her breath as she goes. 

He gets back to work, warm from their conversation and the tea. Despite the freezing temperature and snow that he’s nearly slipped on at least ten times since he arrived, Jungkook is happy. Everything was falling into place. 

When he came up with this idea, he thought it was a longshot, but now that he was here, he doesn’t think he could have come up with anything more perfect. 

Four hours later, Jungkook is finally finished. He steps back to admire his work, snapping a few photos. It doesn’t quite capture the beauty of it all. When it’s dark and everything is lit up, he can’t begin to imagine what it will look like. 

He still sends the pictures to Taehyung, Jimin, and Seokjin. 

They text back immediately, and Jungkook flushes at all of the praise they shower him in. 

Seokjin: 

Wow, it looks amazing! 

Jungkook you did an amazing job 

Taehyung: 

OH MY GOD

it’s beautiful 

Jimin: 

kook wtf you seriously outdid yourself

okay i will confess that this is 100% better than anything on that list

Jungkook:

hehe thank you

it took so fucking long

but i glad u all like it  ^_^

Taehyung: 

namjoon hyung will love it 

Jimin: 

how much do you bet that he cries when he sees it 

Jungkook: 

stop! i don’t want him to cry :( 

Seokjin:

₩ 200000

Jungkook: 

u guys suck 

Jungkook gathers up the empty boxes and finds the woman. He finds her and thanks her one last time and tells her he will be back later that night. She sends him home full off of more hot tea and a wish of good luck.

He returns back to the dorm and collapses on the couch. It’s as far as he’s able to go. He can feel the hours of work catching up to him. The freezing temperatures outside made the work harder, and if it wasn’t for the woman and her warming tea, Jungkook thinks he might have turned into a human icicle outside. He yawns, curling up into a ball, and rests his head on the arm of the couch. 

The exhaustion slowly creeps over him until Jungkook can no longer fight off the heaviness of his body, and his eyes slip closed, sleep washing over him. 

He wakes up to a hand stroking his hair. Jungkook leans into the gentle touch, the repetitive motion soothing enough to make him fall back asleep. There’s a soft blanket draped over his body he doesn’t remember grabbing before he passed out, and he feels pretty great right now.

That is, until reality comes back to him, and he jolts up, knocking the hand away from his head. Jungkook is patting his pockets, looking for his phone. 

“What time is it?” He’s panicking, pulling the blanket up to look under there. He overslept. He fell asleep and now he’s ruined his chances all over again and god, he really was an idiot for being so damn careless, and where the fuck was his ph–

“Woah, Kook, slow down.” It’s Taehyung’s voice. He reaches out to stop Jungkook from his panic searching, spinning him until they’re face-to-face. 

“Your phone is on the kitchen counter. You dropped it when you came in and knocked out. It’s only seven, relax. You slept for maybe two hours. We’re about to eat dinner.”

He looks over at the dining table. The rest of the members are watching the two, but when they see Jungkook catch them in their staring, they all look down at their plates with just a bit too much interest. 

“Oh.” 

Jungkook sighs, relieved that he hadn’t slept too long. He still has a few hours before he’s set to show up with Namjoon. First things first, he needs to ask Namjoon to come. He knows it’s right up his alley, so him saying no isn’t a worry for Jungkook. The rest of the plan? Absolutely terrifying, no doubt. 

Taehyung and Jungkook join the rest of them at the table, Jungkook sliding into the chair next to Namjoon. 

“You were passed out pretty hard, Kook. Long day?” Namjoon asks, scooping a spoonful of rice onto his plate. He doesn’t mention Jungkook’s panicked reaction when he woke up, and for that Jungkook is grateful. 

“You could say that. But I can do that,” Jungkook says, trying to reach for the spoon, but Namjoon shushes him. He also piles Jungkook’s plate high with veggies and spicy garlic chicken that has to be from the restaurant down the street because it smells absolutely amazing and just like theirs. “Thank you,” he mumbles once Namjoon is done. 

He reaches for a pair of chopsticks and takes a bite of chicken. It takes everything in him not to moan. It was exactly the meal he was craving after a long day. Sure, he had been through things much more tasking on his body, like long dance practices and concerts, but working in the cold for hours still took a toll on his body. He was still in break-mode, too. His body wanted him to lay in bed and eat his weight in all his favorite foods. 

They all eat, conversing casually back and forth. Yoongi mentions going back to the studio in a few days to work on a track he’s been working on in his room, but needs more equipment to finish. Taehyung tells everyone he got tickets to an exclusive art exhibit for the day after Christmas in Samcheong-dong. Seokjin says he’s visiting his brother soon, and they all hum happily at that news. 

“What is everyone doing tonight?” Namjoon asks a few moments later and Jungkook chokes on the bite of rice he’s eating. He waves off the concerned looks and gulps down his water, trying to stop the coughing, eyes filling with tears. 

“M’fine, ignore me,” Jungkook croaks out, and Namjoon slaps him on the back once for good measure. 

“Well,” Yoongi says, “Hoseokie and I are probably going to go get some hot chocolate and bungeoppang and walk around the park.” 

Hoseok nods. “The bakery I went to the other week with my friends has incredible desserts and I promised Yoongi hyung I would take him there. He wants to go tonight.” 

“Cool.” Namjoon looks over at the trio at the other side of the table, “What about you guys?” 

Jimin’s answer comes too quickly. “Oh, nothing. We don’t really have any plans–ow, what was that for Taetae, oh shit right–” 

“What Jimin means is that we’re not going anywhere but we’re having a date night in hyung’s room tonight. Probably going to watch movies and make out. Like, a lot. Really raunchy, too.” Taehyung gives off a proud grin, and Seokjin shakes his head. 

“We’re just watching movies. Don’t make it gross.” 

“Are you saying you don’t want to make out with me? Ouch, hyung. I guess I’ll just make out with Jiminie and you can watch.” Taehyung has the audacity to look offended, pressing a hand against his chest. 

“I think I liked you guys better when you thought nobody knew about your relationship,” Yoongi grumbles, setting his chopsticks down on his plate as he starts to pick up the empty plates on the table and bring them to the kitchen. 

“Hyung,” Jungkook says suddenly, turning to look at Namjoon. “I actually have plans, too. Tonight. Do you want to join me?” 

“Sure, Kook. What are you doing?” 

Another step closer.

“I read about this Christmas light trail at a private garden close to here. It’s supposed to be really pretty at night when all the lights are on. Some of the lights even move around and make really cool shapes and stuff.” He tries to sound casual about it, but he’s vibrating in his seat. 

Namjoon’s eyes light up and go wide. “Really? Oh my god, that sounds amazing. You really want to go? Tonight? Wait...is it going to be really crowded? I don’t want us to cause a disruption. We’d have to call the managers too, to let them know.” 

“No, um. Actually, they do private shows. You can rent out the whole place for the evening. I called earlier and they said they would do it.” 

It’s mostly true. The woman’s gardens had never offered private shows before, but Jungkook promised to pay more than enough to cover the entrance fee for the normal amount of people who come through in one night, and then some. 

“Wow, that’s amazing. Okay, yes, let’s go,” Namjoon gushes. He looks excited by the proposal, and Jungkook knows he definitely made the right choice. 

“We can leave soon? It’s a thirty-minute drive, but they close at midnight.” The whole lights trail is supposed to take at least an hour, according to the woman, and with Jungkook’s surprise at the end, he doesn’t want to be in the middle of his confession when all the lights shut off at the end. 

He doesn’t think the woman would do that, but he doesn’t want to take any chances. 

Together, the seven of them clean up the kitchen. Hoseok and Yoongi leave soon after that, promising they won’t be gone long and wish the rest of them a fun night. 

Seokjin, Taehyung, and Jimin announce they’re going to go to Seokjin’s room for the evening, but before they do, Taehyung and Jimin pull Jungkook to the side. 

“Do you think you’re ready?” Taehyung asks. 

“I think so?” He answers, fiddling with the rings on his finger. 

“You worked so hard on this, Kookie. I know that the past tries didn’t turn out the way you wanted, but Taetae and I know this one will. We can feel it.” 

Jungkook wonders if this is just them trying to keep him feeling positive about it, or if their soulmate connection is somehow connected to the rest of the universe. 

“I hope so,” he replies. “I think he’ll love it. I just, you know, don’t know about me part.” 

“He’s going to love you part of it most of all, Kookie.” 

“Thank you for believing in me,” Jungkook tells them quietly. 

They all hug, an awkward three-way hug with Jungkook squished in the middle, Jimin and Taehyung on either side of him. “You can do it,” Jimin whispers in his ear, and Taehyung kisses his cheek. 

They pull away and with Seokjin joining them, walk to his room. 

“Have fun! Let us know how it is,” Taehyung shouts from the hallway before a door closes and Jungkook is left standing alone with Namjoon. 

“Let me go change into something warmer and we can go?” 

“Sure,” Jungkook says, and watches as Namjoon goes back to his room. He does the same, putting on something that wasn’t so affected by the freezing weather earlier, and freshens up. He quickly brushes his teeth and runs a comb through his hair. It’s extra curly today, but Jungkook styles it to the best of his ability and calls it good. 

When he’s back, dressed in a different sweater and jeans this time, winter coat and gloves in the pockets, Jungkook is met with the sight of Namjoon who is dressed pretty similarly. 

“Ready?” Namjoon asks. 

“Yeah, let’s go.” 

They get in Jungkook’s car, the heat blasting the moment they get into the vehicle. Once they pull out onto the road, Namjoon connects his phone and picks a playlist full of Christmas music. They sing their hearts out to Ariana Grande’s Santa Tell Me and Jungkook loses it at Namjoon’s impression of Santa during Santa Claus is Coming to Town. 

“We’re here.” Jungkook turns onto a smaller road and pulls up in front of the gardens. Some of the lights are visible from here, and it looks absolutely stunning with the night sky above.

“Wow, Jungkook, this is amazing.” Namjoon is looking around at the gardens from his place in the car. 

“We haven’t even gone in yet,” he teases back. 

“Doesn’t matter. This is beautiful. Thank you for inviting me along.” 

“‘Course, hyung.” Jungkook whispers the next part quietly, “I wouldn’t want to come with anyone else.” 

Namjoon reaches over the console to squeeze his hand. “Me either.” 

They step out of the car, putting their large winter coats and gloves back on. There’s still snow on the ground, and Jungkook thinks it makes the scenery of the gardens even more pretty. 

When they get to the entrance, there’s a man standing there who lets them pass. When they do, he closes a gate behind them to not let anyone else in. 

The front of the gardens is decorated with beautiful twinkling colored lights, tree trunks wrapped, and a string of lanterns hung between the trees. The pathway is filled with even more lights, making the snow on the ground illuminate a vibrant blue. 

They walk further in and there’s all kinds of lights hanging from the various plants, wrapped up and sparkling. It’s all giving off an enchanting sensation. Jungkook feels like they’re truly in a fantasy. 

“Wow,” Namjoon whispers and points at a bunch of lights shaped like different woodland creatures, and he pulls out his phone to snap a picture. 

He watches Namjoon excitedly point at more of the gardens covered in lights, dragging Jungkook along by his hand. He happily follows along, taking a couple of his own photos but mainly watches Namjoon’s eyes light up every time he finds something else that amazes him. 

Eventually, they stumble along a pond. There’s an animated projection of a Christmas tree lighting up on a pond, and they watch in fascination as it becomes more colorful as the animation plays on. 

When they round the next corner, there’s a tunnel made out of lights they walk under and Namjoon tells him to pause so they can take a few selfies. 

“Jungkook, this is amazing.” Namjoon is in awe and is smiling so brightly that Jungkook really has to resist the urge to kiss him right now. There’s still the rest of the trail to walk on and he has a plan to stick to. 

“I know,” Jungkook looks around, thinking how perfect this night feels. 

“Are those bonsai?” Namjoon exclaims suddenly, once again pulling Jungkook down the path and toward the next section of the light trail. There’s a collection of little bonsai trees made out of lights, next to a few decorated real bonsai trees. It’s surrounded by a bunch of blue lights made to look like water. There’s a set of pink lights that are shaped like cherry blossoms trees and it’s almost as pretty as the real thing. 

“I can’t believe we never knew about this place before,” Namjoon tells him when they’re walking again, this time along a path that’s made to look like they’re surrounded by green vines and vibrant flowers. 

“I’m glad I was able to find it. It kind of came out of nowhere, but I thought you would really like it when I saw it,” Jungkook says back. 

“I do. I love it, Kook.” Namjoon is looking straight at him, and Jungkook feels himself blush under his intense gaze. 

“There’s so much more left, come on.” It’s Jungkook who grabs his hand this time, leading them along the trail. 

The pass a few more lanterns strung up between the trees, and a gorgeous light scene that makes it feel like they’re in the North Pole. There’s Santa and a bunch of elves working in a light-up workshop. Jungkook points out one of the elves is moving, pushing a present up and down on the workbench. 

“It’s cute,” Namjoon comments, to which Jungkook snaps a picture that he knows he’ll show to Jimin later and tease that it looked like him. 

“What’s your favorite Christmas memory, hyung?” Jungkook asks suddenly.

Namjoon thinks for a moment before answering. “When I was a kid, it had to be when both me and my sister were both young enough to still believe in Santa. I think I was five or six? We thought we could stay up all night to wait for Santa and even tried to set up traps around the house that we thought could catch him. After a few hours, we both fell asleep on the couch and woke up to a whole bunch of presents under the tree. We were so disappointed that we didn’t catch him in action, but our parents pointed to one of our traps and there was a Santa hat left in it. They had obviously put it there, but we were so excited that we had actually caught proof that Santa came to our house.” 

Jungkook hasn’t heard this story before. He laughs, knocking their shoulders together. “I can imagine how happy you must have been to think you got evidence of Santa. I’m pretty sure I tried the same thing when I was young.” 

“What about? What’s your favorite Christmas memory?” 

“There’s one I always think about. My dad used to always dress up as Santa, right?” Namjoon nods. Jungkook knows he’s mentioned it before. “Well, one year when I was getting older, and I already kind of knew Santa wasn’t real, my dad did everything he could to convince me he still was. He even drafted a letter from the North Pole from Santa and made it look all fancy and formal. It said that he knew I was doubting that I still believed in him, and he hoped I still did so he could keep bringing presents to my house. 

“It was a week before Christmas and my dad told me that there was something for me under the tree. Santa, my dad, had left the letter there and had even left behind a sleigh bell. Like in the movie, you know? Yeah, my dad did the whole thing and said I had to shake it to prove I still believed in Santa. I didn’t really, but my dad was so excited to keep the magic alive that I pretended for two more years.” 

Namjoon laughs. “I think you made your dad really happy. He really must have tried hard to keep you believing even when you didn’t anymore.” 

Jungkook agrees. “I think my other favorite memory was our first Christmas together as a group. We were working, but we all got together that night and Jin hyung cooked us dinner and we all exchanged small presents that we could afford with each other. You got me a journal and told me I could use it to draw or write in, whatever I wanted. I still have it.” 

Namjoon’s eyes widen at the confession. “You do?” 

“Of course I do. It’s my desk drawer somewhere. I still write in it sometimes.” 

Namjoon looks surprised. “Huh, that’s–, wow. I can’t believe you kept it.” 

“It’s special to me. It was the first Christmas present you got me.” 

Namjoon doesn’t say anything for a couple of moments, but he reaches for Jungkook’s hand, threading their fingers together. Jungkook thinks he’s going to let go, but he doesn’t. 

His heart is racing, and he prays his palms don’t start to sweat. 

“I like that memory, too,” Namjoon hums. “Our first Christmas as Bangtan. I don’t think it’s something I’ll ever forget.”

“Me neither, hyung. It was hard back then, still is sometimes, but we still tried to make holidays special.” 

Their hands stay held together as they continue their walk, and neither of them dares to pull away. 

“Hey, Jungkookie?” He whispers. 

“Yeah, hyung?” 

“If anyone else was free tonight, would you have invited them along too?” 

“No. No, just you.” Jungkook tells the truth. 

“Okay. Yeah, cool. That’s cool.” 

There’s a beat of silence and then, “I’m glad. I wouldn’t have wanted you to invite anyone else.” 

A warmth that has been building in Jungkook’s stomach since they arrived only grows at Namjoon’s words. 

As they make their way further down the trail, they make a few more comments here and there about the lights and glowing plants, and even when one of them pulls their phone out to snap a picture, their hands stay firmly grasped together. 

Eventually, they wonder upon a tall light display. There's a dozen or so stands branching off in different directions, all bunching together and extending up into the sky. The lights start at the bottom and then shoot up the display, an explosion of red and green. They look like fireworks. Namjoon stares, in awe, his mouth hanging open. He looks gorgeous with the light hitting his face, and Jungkook wishes Namjoon could always stay this happy looking. 

“This is beautiful. Don’t you think, Kook?” 

“Yeah,” Jungkook agrees, smiling to himself as the glow makes Namjoon’s eyes look like they’re sparkling. He’s not looking anywhere at the display. The sight in front of him is the loveliest thing he’s seen all night. “It really is.” 

The end of the trail is nearing, and Jungkook can make out the top of the pergola from his viewpoint. 

“It would be nice if we had some hot chocolate too,” Namjoon says as they walk on, hands swinging between them. 

“Mhm,” Jungkook hums. “Maybe they have a suggestion box you can write that in.” 

“Or we can go get some after this? Unless you’re too tired. We don’t have to. I know you’ve had a long day.” 

He immediately protests. “No, no. It wasn’t that bad, hyung. And my nap really helped. We can definitely go get some hot chocolate after this.” 

“Great!” Dimples poke out as he smiles. “Woah, Jungkook, look.” He points with his free hand toward the pergola. They’re walking closer now and Jungkook gets his first look at it properly lit up. 

There’s a bunch of red ribbons tied around the posts, visible thanks to the lights tied around each beam. Hanging off the roof are dozens and dozens of hanging twinkling lights. They span across the entire pergola and flow down like a waterfall. He can see the vines intertwining the lights, and the warm glow of the lights combined with the greenery makes the pergola look like a magical enchanted forest. 

“This looks like something out of a movie,” Namjoon whispers. Jungkook squeezes his hand on instinct. “I can’t believe what I’m looking at.” 

“Come on, hyung. Let’s go inside it.” Jungkook leads him into the forest of lights and vines. Namjoon runs his hand along them and looks back at Jungkook. “They’re real vines.” 

“Yeah, they are. They were hard to find, too. But it’s worth it when I see the look on your face.” 

“What do you mean?” Namjoon asks, eyebrows pulled together in confusion. 

“It was me. I decorated this thing. Not the whole trail, obviously. But this part right here. This was all me.” 

“ Huh? You..did this? How–but you.. is this what you’ve been doing all day?” Namjoon stumbles with his words, pure shock written all over his face. 

“Yes. I arranged all of this for the last couple of days. I wanted to do something special for you.” 

“You did all of this... for me? ” 

“Yes.” Jungkook tugs him further into the pergola until they’re both standing in the center. He carefully placed everyone centered around this one spot. It’s a small opening between the rest of the hanging lights and vines. Enough space for just two people. 

“Namjoon hyung. I’ve been trying to do this for the past two weeks. It feels like I never can find the right moment, but I think, maybe, I did it all right this time.” 

“Do what?” He whispers, and Jungkook just smiles, pushing the nerves down. If he thinks too hard, he’s going to do something silly, like run. Instead, he points a finger toward the top of the pergola. 

“Look up, hyung.” 

And Namjoon does. 

Hanging from the roof of the structure are dozens and dozens of tiny mistletoe. They’re carefully tied to the top between all the lights and greenery. In the center, directly above their heads is the biggest one, a bright red bow flowing down from the tip of it. 

He can hear the soft gasp falling from Namjoon’s lips, and the other man looks back down at him. Jungkook feels his fingers twitching against his own, and he takes that as a sign that maybe he should pull away, but Namjoon’s grip only tightens. 

“Kook. Jungkook. You really meant all of this to be for me? Even that?” He nods to the mistletoe.

“I told you, it’s all for you. Especially that.” 

Namjoon opens his mouth to speak, but Jungkook holds a hand up to stop him. “Before you respond, I need to say this. I need to tell you what I’ve been trying to say for the past year.” He steadies his breathing and remembers what he felt the first time he realized he was falling in love with Namjoon. It calms him, and Jungkook is able to continue. 

“Hyung, I’ve been trying to do this so many times. It kept going wrong, and I was so close to giving up, but I don’t think I could let another year pass without telling you. Namjoon hyung, I think that you’ve always been special to me in one way or another. I’m grateful for all of my hyungs in my life, for Bangtan, for all the opportunities we’ve had together. But you, there’s something different when it comes to you. I’ve spent so long trying to hide my feelings so that you didn’t know because I was terrified of what you would think or say.” Part of him wishes he still had the speech, but even when he thinks about what he wrote, he doesn’t feel like it fits in this moment. 

“You’ve been my role model for so long. Even now, I still look up to you because I think you’re a great person. You’re a talented artist and a fantastic leader, but you, Kim Namjoon, are an amazing person too. You have such a big heart, and you’re so curious about the world that it makes me wonder if this planet is even big enough to hold someone like you on it. I came here, because of you, and I stayed because you gave me plenty of reasons to. Even as we got older, and grew, I admired how you never let the pressures of this kind of life become too much. I would be happy if I could become half the man you are someday. You’re special, one of a kind. Sometimes I don’t think this world deserves you, but I also don’t know how to give you anything more.” He reaches out to grab Namjoon’s other hand, who lets him take it. 

“I love Bangtan with my whole heart. All of you guys are my whole life. I can’t imagine what it would be like without you all in it. You, Namjoon hyung, it’s just different with you. My chest gets so warm around you, and you make my heart race, and sometimes I think that I could explode with the crazy intense feeling I get any time I’m around you. But you also make me feel safe and protected. You calm me down when I don’t know how to do it myself, and my bad days get a little less bad when you’re around. I don’t know the exact moment that things changed, but they did. It’s like my heart made extra room for you in it, and you fit so perfectly inside that I couldn’t fight it even if I wanted it. Hyung, I love you. I love you so much. In a million ways and more.” 

Jungkook finishes his speech, opening his eyes that he must have closed at some point because when he looks up at Namjoon he only just notices the tears in the other man’s eyes. 

Namjoon opens his mouth and closes it. He repeats that a few more times, like he just can’t find the right words.

Finally, he manages a few words out. 

“You mean it?” Namjoon’s voice is a little shaky, and his breath is coming out in little puffs, the cold air around him giving it away. 

Jungkook squeezes their intertwined hands together and shakes his head yes. “I mean it. Every word of it.” 

“Jungkookie...Kook-ah, if there’s anyone here right now that deserves more than the world can give them, it’s you . You’re the special one. I’m proud of the person you’ve become. You’re my rock, the person I feel like I can really open up to. You make me feel safe, like there’s someone I know that will always have my back. You mean so much to me, Jungkook. I wish I was more prepared so I could tell you all the ways that you make my heart sing, or how I hope that I can be a part of your story. You made me a better person by just existing. I want to be the very best version of myself. For you, Kook-ah. Fuck, of course I love you. I love you so much.” 

Jungkook can’t stop the sob that falls from his lips. Namjoon loves him. Namjoon loves him. Namjoon loves him. 

Namjoon’s confession, his words, they were never something Jungkook allowed himself to imagine. He had hope, so much hope, that there was a chance for them. But now that he’s stood here, hearing Namjoon utter the same three words back that Jungkook had spent so long trying to figure out how to say, he can’t quite comprehend that it’s actually happening. 

“I love you so much,” he blurts out, and lets out another sob, tears falling freely on his face now. 

“I love you, too.” Namjoon is sniffling, and Jungkook thinks he might be crying too, but his tears are blurring his face too much to be able to tell for sure. 

He wipes his eyes and sees that Namjoon does the same. When they meet each other’s gaze, they both can’t help but laugh. 

“God, look at us,” Namjoon shakes his head. 

“We’re a mess, hyung. You made me cry, it’s not fair.” 

“You made me cry first!” He exclaims. 

“Crying wasn’t part of the plan,” Jungkook tells him. 

“Come here,” Namjoon whispers and untangles their hands, wrapping his arm around Jungkook’s waist instead to pull him closer. “Thank you, for all of this. For telling me. I’ve wanted to tell you, too, but it’s scary.” 

Jungkook nuzzles his face into Namjoon’s shoulder, because he can– he thinks, and sighs a happy sigh. 

“It took a lot of work, hyung. Many things didn’t work.” 

Namjoon holds him close. “Is that what you were trying to do by the Christmas tree the other day? When Taehyung walked in?” 

Jungkook groans. “Yes, ugh. I was so close to telling you.” 

“That’s okay. I loved this. I love you. You could have told me when we’re eating cereal, or brushing our teeth and I would still love it, because it’s you. That’s all that really matters.” 

“Mm, you should have told me that earlier. Would have saved me a lot of trouble,” Jungkook teases. 

“No way, this was perfect. I loved every bit of it. This night was amazing.” Namjoon pets his hair and Jungkook happily let him. “But, there is just one this missing.” 

He straightens up, sending Namjoon a confused look. “What? What did I miss? Are there not enough vines? I should have gotten more vines.” 

“No, no. Jungkook. It’s not the vines. The vines are fine. I meant that we hadn’t kissed yet.” 

Jungkook relaxes at that, and then grins, wrapping his arms around Namjoon’s shoulders. 

“Well then what are you waiting for? Kiss me, hyung.” 

And Namjoon does. He presses their lips together, holding Jungkook close in his arms. They kiss slowly, lips learning how the other one’s feel. Jungkook notices how soft Namjoon’s are, and wonders if it’s from all the chapstick he always carries around. Jungkook hasn’t kissed that many people in his life, but he likes to think he knows what he’s doing when he nips on Namjoon’s bottom lips, tongue just barely flicking out.

One of Namjoon’s hands comes up to steady the back of Jungkook’s neck, and he deepens the kiss, parting Jungkook’s lips open and it all makes him feel a little dizzy. He gasps into Namjoon’s mouth a moment later, and before it can go any further the other man pulls back and pecks him once more on the lips. 

“Hi,” Namjoon says to him when he opens his eyes. 

Jungkook blushes but mumbles back. “Hi.” 

“Was that the mistletoe kiss you were hoping for?”

“Oh hyung, it was so much better. I could kiss you forever and never stop.”

It’s Namjoon’s turn to blush this time. “I don’t know if we could kiss forever, we’d have to breathe at some point, but maybe I can promise I will continue to give you kisses for as long as you want me to.” 

“And what if I never want you to stop giving me kisses?” 

“Then I guess I’ll just have to keep them going, hm?” Namjoon pecks his lips once, twice, and brushes their noses together. 

“Sounds like a plan to me. Maybe you could start now. There’s at least a hundred mistletoe hanging here and I think we’re technically required to kiss under all of them.” Jungkook is grinning widely, happier now than he’s ever been. 

“Oh, well, if we must, then I don’t see any way of getting out of it.” Namjoon is smiling back, and Jungkook takes back what he said earlier, Namjoon’s smile right here in this moment is the loveliest thing he’s seen all night. 

“Hurry up, we don’t have all night,” he teases him and then squeals when Namjoon dips him dramatically, kissing him hard on the lips. 

They spend the rest of the night exchanging kisses and talking about their feelings, and when Jungkook pauses to make sure that this means they’re together now, Namjoon rolls his eyes and kisses him again for good measure, assuring him that yes, they’re together. 

After almost a year of waiting to confess his love, and four failed attempts, Jungkook sips his hot chocolate, hand-in-hand with his boyfriend, and thinks that he could go a very long time without having to see another mistletoe again in his life.