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He made sure to show up right before it started.
He wasn’t going to be late; he didn’t tolerate lateness of any kind, but he also knew that if he was caught in Hakodate before the show started, someone was going to question him. He at least did have an excuse prepared; he was running an errand there, he just happened to be in the area, pay no attention to the fact it’s four hours out of his way. He had spent about half the train ride trying to come up with what type of errand could drag him out here, but every time he tried to think, his mind inevitably ended up at the actual reason he was there.
Ren Nanahoshi.
Nayuta wasn’t one to let his thoughts wander. He was focused on what was ahead of him at all times, and what was ahead of him was the world. But to get there, to seize the world, there was something - no, some one - standing in his way. A someone who probably wasn’t even aware he was an obstacle. He wasn’t a distraction, no, nothing was going to distract him from his goal. But he was standing in his way. He was going to overcome anything in his way.
That’s why he was going to Hakodate, he thought as he quietly slipped into the venue, his head down. He needed to gauge how far Argonavis had come. He needed to see how close Ren was to catching up to him, so he could push himself harder to overcome him.
No other reason.
If he kept repeating that, maybe he would actually believe himself.
—
He stuck by the wall, but not flush to it.
Even through the crowd of people, he knew he might stand out. He wasn’t exactly the best at blending in with a crowd, but keeping his head down near a small crowd of people was probably enough to not get recognized. He finally found a good place to stand, right when the house lights went down.
The first song started with a flourish. Hoshi ga Hajimaru, Nayuta remembered, as the opening chords of the intro went into the first verse. Not his favorite, not by a long shot, but he could see how someone could like such a bright song. Not like he had a favorite. His eyes scanned each of the members, one by one, trying to see how they each performed, but his eyes were always dragged back to Ren. The Ren he saw on stage under the spotlight was almost a completely different person than the one he knew off stage. Off stage, he was damn near socially helpless. Unless he was getting fired up about singing or whatever new plot point was in Star Five (everything he had learned about that show had been against his will), he had no clue how to really interact with people. But on stage, even with the other four shining brightly, Ren seemed to shine the brightest. The only thing that seemed to outshine the lights on stage was his smile.
Not like he cared. He didn’t. He was only here to see how far the band had come along. That was the only reason.
Seeing Ren’s smile was making it harder to keep that lie up.
—
There was a short break in between the songs. For a moment, Nayuta was standing there, just thinking about the show so far. It wasn’t bad. The band was getting a little bit better, more on a level that it would actually be a fair fight if Gyroaxia surpassed them. But he wasn’t satisfied with them yet. He wasn’t satisfied with just watching them, anyone could put on a good performance when it was just their live.
But if they had to perform with someone else, how well they did then would be the real mark of progress.
He slipped out of the main room, and started walking. He wasn’t familiar with this particular live house, but most live houses are the same, anyways. It wasn’t hard for him to find the backstage area, and since it was smaller, there wasn’t any staff or security around. It wasn’t even that long before Argonavis had to take the stage again, if he didn’t pick up the pace, they’d probably go on stage again without even knowing he was there. He needed some form of indicator to know which room they were in-
A small commotion from one of the doors, just a little further down.
Well, that was as good of a sign as any.
—
When he arrived in Hakodate, he wanted to watch Argonavis perform, to gauge their improvement, if any. Then, when he saw their performance, he wanted to perform with them; it would be the best way to see how far they were really coming along.
Of course, when he said that, he meant that he wanted to perform with everyone in the band. Including Ren.
He wasn’t expecting to have to go on in Ren’s place.
To the other band member’s credit, they had only put up a bit of a fight right before going on stage, but they really didn’t have another choice, and as soon as they got back on stage, they went into the next song. Nayuta wasn’t going to let this band outshine him, he wasn’t going to let anything outshine him. A performance was a performance, every one was still a step closer to seizing the world. If Ren wasn’t on stage with him, this was the least he could do.
As soon as the song ended, he heard something running up to the side of the stage. He didn’t even look at Ren when he started to talk to him, at first.
“Thank you for helping out!” Ren said, a genuine smile on his face. For some reason, seeing that smile… ‘pissed him off’ wasn’t exactly what he was feeling, but it was as close as he was going to get.
“Don’t be acting so giddy when someone else took your stage.”
Ren just responded with his little “un” sound, seemingly unfazed by his criticism.
“I am a little disappointed,” Ren admitted. Nayuta knew him better than that.
“A little?”
“I lied,” Ren said, almost immediately. “I’m really disappointed. Because I want to sing as many songs as I can.”
Predictable, but Nayuta understood that feeling. He was able to see it a Destiny Rock Fes, when he had called out Ren’s name, when he had truly been the spark to ignite his passion, to finally get him on the stage. It was only so they could get better, of course. That was all, he kept saying to himself since that night.
“Um, Nayuta,” Oh, Ren was still talking. “About coming to see the concert… thank you.”
“Tch, I didn’t,” he lied through his teeth, turning away from Ren. “I just had something to take care of here.”
“Still, I’m glad,” Ren said. Nayuta could hear the smile in his voice. “Good thing you had an errand that brought you here.” Well, you could call it that-
“What was the task, by the way?”
Shit.
“Shut up, why should I tell you?” Nayuta should’ve thought about his excuse harder. Ren, however, seemed to get the message (Nayuta’s glaring probably helped), and dropped the subject. Which would’ve been good, until the next sentence left Ren’s mouth.
“Nayuta-kun, would you sing the next song with me?”
That was the whole reason he had come here to begin with. But this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. It was supposed to be a repeat of the battle of the bands; he would’ve barged onto stage, when Ren wasn’t expecting it, and shake his nerves a bit. Instead, Ren was the one who had come onto stage, Ren was the one who was asking to sing with him. At this point, it was a matter of his pride.
“Don’t get so cocky.” Even under such a hard gaze, even after Nayuta had been short with him… Ren hadn’t flinched at all. He was still looking at him… no, through him, with those deep violet eyes.
“But don’t you want to sing too? Sing as many songs as you can?”
Ren was looking at him expectantly now. Nayuta turned away with a “tch”.
“Talking like you know me.” But that was the problem, wasn’t it? He really did know him, maybe knew him better than Nayuta wanted to admit. He was too proud to even entertain this-
“Um-”
“Are we doing it, Nanahoshi?” Cut him off before he can make him think too hard about this. Besides, he was here for a reason, wasn’t he?
“Mhm, I want to sing!”
--
What other song were they going to sing other than Starting Over?
They had only ever performed it a few times together, but every time, he felt the adrenaline rushing through him, and a determination, not just to best Ren, but to make Ren want to best him, too. And, of course, both of them surpassing their own limits.
Next to Ren, on stage, it was obvious that Ren was catching up, maybe even faster than Ren realized. He wouldn’t give someone with average talent the time of day, after all.
Once the song had ended, Nayuta’s original plan was to just… leave. Go back into the audience, and watch the rest of the performance. That was the plan. But his heart was still pounding. He still wanted to sing with Ren. And judging by Ren’s smile, and the sparkle in his eyes, Ren wanted to keep singing with him, too. It was mutual.
They launched into the next song; Karma.
--
For the most part, it was going fine. They were both feeling the emotion of the song. In fact, this song was shockingly easy to get into. He wasn’t exactly sure how, especially since he didn’t exactly relate to the lyrics all that much, but he still felt the emotions run through him, and sang them out alongside Ren.
But then… the bridge hit.
Just out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ren reach out. But not towards the audience; he was reaching out towards him. When Nayuta’s half came up, for no reason he could truly think of, he reached his hand out towards Ren, too. A mirror image of each other, almost. Their hands weren’t touching, but Nayuta, for some reason, desperately wanted to hold Ren’s hand… but he couldn’t make himself do it.
The music softened. Ren turned away from the audience… to him. The lights had turned off except for the spotlight on them, and for a few moments, it felt like the fog machine that had been pumping wasn’t even working. He saw Ren, sweating from the heat of the lights, but smiling, a much softer smile than usual. His eyes seemed to look into Nayuta’s soul, and for a second, his heart felt like it was going to stop. Ren’s voice rang out, as Nayuta also turned to look at him in those beautiful eyes…
‘I’m here, you can definitely touch me.’
Those lines, that look, the softest smile, his voice being so soft…
Oh.
Oh.
…
Oh no.
He couldn’t deny it. Ren, looking at him, singing those lines when just a half second ago he so desperately wanted to close the tiny distance between their hands, Ren being able to read him so easily… It was a feeling that he didn’t have a name for at first, but he had felt it all those months ago when Ren waltzed into his apartment, and, despite everything Nayuta thought, was able to shake his heart.
...
Nayuta was in love with him, wasn’t he?
God damn it.
He was almost impressed that he seemed to be able to keep singing, almost on instinct. The second the music went back, they had both simultaneously put their hands down and turned back to the audience. Even while Nayuta was singing, though, his thoughts were getting distracted.
Did Ren feel the same? Did he have the same realization at that moment? Would he even be the type to admit something like that out loud? He was usually almost insultingly easy to read, but now, in yet another moment of Ren taking him by surprise, he couldn’t tell. He couldn’t tell at all.
Nayuta had never been in love. Hell, he barely made time for anything that someone would call “positive” in his life. It was about singing, it was about seizing the world, it was about standing on top of it all.
But now, Ren had unlocked these emotions, deep inside of him. He was doing fine, pushing them away and making up excuses, but the truth was staring him in the face. He couldn’t ignore any of his feelings for him right at this moment.
Oh, the song was coming to an end. He looked at Ren… and Ren was looking right back at him.
Fuck.
He had to leave. He had to leave right that second. He had to leave before he did something he would regret.
He had to leave before his feelings truly threatened to spill over.
“Nayuta-kun!”
Nayuta didn’t turn back. He had to get out.
Maybe one day he would be able to confront this feeling. One day, when he truly had the upper hand, that was when he would be ready. He didn’t know how long that would be, and god, god not right now… but one day, he would have a moment with Ren, and Ren would feel the exact same, and then, and only then, when he was ready, would he be able to take this feeling head on.
And this time, he swore to himself, this wasn’t a lie.