Chapter Text
Chapter 1
"...I really wanted to be yours...”
Mrs. Coulter was taken aback by how peaceful her daughter looked while sleeping. There had been nights in London when she had found herself standing outside her child's bedroom door, resisting the urge to open it just to have a look at her. If possible now, Mrs. Coulter would spend every waking moment looking at her child. She had fought the impulse then, but now she found it impossible to resist and wished she could freeze the moment in time. She wondered if she had ever truly seen Lyra back then.
Lyra made no movement as she gently stroked her cheek. Was she dreaming? If so, was she dreaming of easier times, times before leaving her in London? Before London?
Their short moment in the canyon played over and over in Mrs. Coulter's mind even as she tried to shut it out. Lyra had spoken her words with so much venom that they were still stinging at her insides, nesting under her skin.
“You. Are. Vile!”
Trying to reason with her feral child had proven absolutely fruitless. Mrs. Coulter would have given the world to Lyra, and yet it would not have been enough. Lyra had left her behind when she had walked over that bridge. The bridge her father had built. Had she had any thoughts of ever returning?
“I will never be yours!”
Any armor she had acquired over the years had shattered at her daughters words. She had stared down the self righteous men of the magisterium and raised above them all and even vanquished the despicable cardinal, and yet she found her most formidable adversary to be but a child. Her child.
Lyra would never have come with her willingly. Determined to not let her daughter best her again she had taken necessary actions. Frightful, panicked, betrayed eyes had stared into her own as realization had dawned on Lyra just how far she would go to keep her safe. Even with Pantalaimon secured in the golden monkey's grip, Lyra had fought her with all of her being as she had forced her to drink the sleeping concoction. Mrs. Coulter could not help but find herself impressed. If she had even managed to put up half that resistance against her own mother…
Mrs Coulter had held her daughter safely in her arms, slowly rocking her as the drug had taken hold. Even then Lyra had fought it all the way, eyes groggily looking around the canyon. For the witches? For the boy? A few times she had weakly called out his name. As sleep slowly claimed her she had started to look around frantically, startling several times, her arm weakly reaching up to grab at her. Mrs Coulter had gently caught Lyra's hand and brought it to her own cheek, reveling in the touch. That was when the girl's eyes had found her own. For a moment Lyra had looked right at her, and as a final tear had slid down her cheek she had sorrowfully breathed out one final sentence before sleep claimed her.
“...I really wanted to be yours...”
An internal battle had played out inside Mrs. Coulter's mind then as she had continued to hold and rock her daughter a while longer, whispering apologies and promises. On one side regret and on the other determination. Lyra was a child. She could not be blamed for not understanding any better. She had to be strong for the both of them. But what if that meant losing her daughter entirely? Could she bring Lyra to understand?
“...I really wanted to be yours...”
In the end it had been the golden monkey who had brought her out of her own dream world. After so much time apart , it seemed Lyra would be the one to bring human and daemon together.
It is a dangerous thing to get lost in a dream world.
“...I really wanted to be yours...”
Mrs. Coulter continued to stroke her daughter's cheek now, as she made another effort to shake the memory.
“I am taking you somewhere entirely safe.”
Taking in the image of her now peaceful daughter, she preserved that image in her mind as she closed the lid of the large trunk, obscuring Lyra from the dangers of any and all worlds. She would protect her with her dying breath.
She would not let her fall.