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"I'm done Charlotte- I'm done. Don't call me again. Delete my number. Forget I even exist."
Those were the last words Ted said to her and he didn't regret them one bit. His hand was looped in Melissa's, squeezing tightly as she nodded reassuringly. He didn't give her time to respond, tossing the phone aside at the sound of her tears.
Melissa did what he couldn't and ended the call, crawling over and tenderly pulled his face to look at hers. "You did the right thing, you have to know that," she murmured, peppering soft kisses on his forehead.
"I know," he muttered, staring at the phone. His regret formed in the pit of his stomach unnervingly fast. He wanted to call her back, to apologize and go to her but with Melissa staring at him with so much adoration in her eyes, he pushed the thought away. Instead, he pushed himself into her embrace, kissing her, not Charlotte. It could never be Charlotte again.
Work was awkward, but with Melissa by his side, he was able to resist the urge to let Charlotte corner him. By the second month, he barely ever thought about Charlotte. Any memos designated for her desk, he took extra care to make sure it remained professional. None of the cutesy innuendo he'd been known for in the past. No scribbled drawings of stick figures in very “not-safe-for-work” positions. It was over. According to Paul, the first one sent her into the bathroom for an hour where she sobbed her eyes out but Melissa assured him it was fifteen minutes, tops. Still, an ache in his chest haunted him every time he sent anything to that department.
After three months, Ted would call himself clean. He hadn't thought about Charlotte for an entire week and his relationship with Melissa was thriving. He hadn't had faith in it, it was a rebound after all, but Melissa was there for him. Helped him off the destructive path that he otherwise would've followed to an untimely demise. He called Melissa, excited to share the news. She was overjoyed, maybe a little more than he'd anticipated but he brushed it off. They made plans, deciding on a late dinner at his favorite diner. He didn't even think about the one time he'd taken Charlotte there and he definitely didn't think about how he nailed her right there in the parking lot. No, he wouldn't think about that at all.
They sat in the same booth as his night with Charlotte but Ted didn't think about it. He just enjoyed his time with Melissa, her hand wrapped in his as she looked over the menu. He ordered a burger, the same burger he'd ordered when he'd come here with Charlotte. But he wasn't thinking about that. Melissa ordered a chicken sandwich with a side of fries, still somehow managing to sneak a couple of his. After they ate, they shared a milkshake and Ted did think about how this date was like one he'd had in high school. He told this story to Melissa, leaving out the detail of who the date had been with. She didn't need to know he was thinking of her despite his best efforts.
Ted finished the date the same way he had in high school. Melissa didn't make the same noises as she had, but that was probably for the best. Her face was in his mind and that was bad enough. He dropped Melissa off at her apartment shortly after, his head mired in a fog he could quite explain to her just then. His shoulders drooped the moment he broke the line of sight with her and by the time he was back in his car, a tear had trickled down his cheek. He steeled himself, reminding himself that it'd been almost six months as he wiped the tear away in disgust. Charlotte had probably long since forgotten him, moved on to another hapless sap that she couldn't stand the sight of.
That powered him through the next six months. Melissa moved in with him, much to his delight after her apartment had been infested by rats. Ted was happy about the change. With Melissa around constantly, he couldn't be bothered to think of her. They slept side by side, usually tucked into each other but sometimes when Ted's mind started to drift, he'd find himself sitting on the edge of his bed once again. He stared at his phone, desperate for some app specifically designed to distract him but everything just reminded him of her. He just had to make it to a year, he told himself. Once a year had passed, she'd be out of his system. She didn't even spare him a passing glance. There was no way she thought about him like he still thought about her.
At a year and a half, Bill and Paul started nudging him about getting a ring for Melissa. "You've changed so much since you've started dating her," they insisted, "Lock it down, don't let a good one like that getaway." Ted chuckled amicably, but his stomach sunk at the thought. Whenever he'd imagined buying a ring before, it had only been for two people. One had been for Jenny, but he truly hadn't thought of her in years. The other had been far more recently, though he knew his attempts would've been squashed by the ring already tightly wrapped around her finger.
He found himself at the jeweler's anyway, glancing over the rings half-heartedly. He ended up bringing the stone home anyway where he promptly tossed it in his sock drawer for a time when he was feeling more romantic and spontaneous. The ring sat in the draw for two months, only pushed around as he dug for clean socks. Melissa was getting antsy and he'd suspected she'd spotted the ring putting away laundry. He knew he'd have to do it now, but he wasn't sure when would be the right time. It sat in the drawer for another month before he drove her out to Look Out point and got down on one knee. She accepted gladly, practically squealing as she inspected the small stone with wonder. Ted tried to ignore how much he wished she was someone else and how much he wished he was anyone else. Melissa deserved someone who could move on properly. Melissa deserved someone who looked at her the way she'd looked at him that night and so many nights after. Melissa deserved someone who loved her.
That wasn't entirely true, Ted did love Melissa but it couldn't compare to the unbridled passion he'd felt with Charlotte. That all-consuming need to have her close to him at any given time. The unending devotion he'd felt every time he looked at her. He hadn't looked at Melissa like that once since that night but when he'd see those messy curls out of the corner of his eye, the feeling came creeping back in.
Ted finally resolved to leave CCRP. He hated to do it and everyone seemed sad to see him go but noticeably, one person was absent during the going away party Mr. Davidson threw for him. Ted didn't care, he'd told himself he was dedicating himself to Melissa. He was going to give her everything she'd deserved and more to make up for his detached nature over the two years they'd been together. He brought the stuff from his desk home and shoved it into the closet before shoving his lips to Melissa's. For the first time in over a year, he was present, he was there with her completely. He made love to Melissa that night, not whatever concoction of a person he'd been trying to forget. It was her smeared red lips on his, her long brown hair flowing around him.
He started his new job the next week and he felt the shift settle in completely. He missed Paul, Bill, and hell, even Mr. Davidson with all his quirky oversharing but his new co-workers were nice, he even liked a few of them. After his first shift, he came home and with Melissa's input, set a date for their wedding and he actually felt the bubbling of excitement in his guy as he imagined pulling the veil back over Melissa's beautiful face. He knew he'd cry-- hell, he'd cried when they settled on the date-- but for once he'd cry because he was happy. And he was happy.
Melissa took over his old office, remarking how roomy it was and the odd humming she'd hear every now and then. He assured her she'd grow accustomed to it. He had after all. A month later, Melissa was sent on a corporate conference, something Davidson had apparently avoided doing with Ted due to a lack of trust that he wouldn't just spend the trip sleeping with everyone he came in contact with. He kissed Melissa goodbye a few hundred times after making her promise to keep him updated on how everything went. She agreed and left, left him alone in their apartment, left him alone with his thoughts.
She called when she landed, called when she got to her hotel room, and called one last time before she went to sleep. With the bed empty, Ted tossed and turned. He missed the warmth of his fiancée beside him and opted to wrap his favorite of her sweaters around a pillow to finally lull himself to sleep. The next day he was exhausted but he was thrilled to hear her voice even if it did come at 6:30 in the morning. They talked briefly before she left for her first meeting. Once again Ted was alone and now he didn't even have sleep to look forward to. He begrudgingly got up and made his coffee. After a shower, he dug through his closet, looking for nothing but a distraction as he waited for it to be time to leave for work. He found his box from CCRP and started going through it, grinning at the small gifts Paul and Bill had left for him to find. An envelope caught his nail and he extracted it, confused for a moment. He flipped it over to find a small script spelling out Teddy, handwriting he'd recognize anywhere. He shoved the envelope back into the box, pushing it away from him as if it could actually cause him physical pain. He called into work, explaining his poor sleep from the night as the reason for his absence.
He stared at the box for an hour, wrestling with himself over opening it. He didn't need to know what it said, it didn't matter what she had to say to him. He was with Melissa now and he loved her the way she deserved, finally. Charlotte was just a painful memory but he'd moved on. He didn't even think about her anymore, save for the past hour he'd spent staring at an envelope like it was life or death. He'd just throw it away. It could be a letter detailing her explicit plans to leave her husband for him and he couldn't care less. He couldn't care less, he couldn't care less, he-
His phone ringing stopped him from breaking the seal. Melissa, his darling Melissa. He could talk to her about this, he could tell her he was still struggling but as she regaled him with tales of her first meeting, he knew he couldn't bring up ancient history, now of all times. No, he'd have to deal with this on his own. Something he should be more than capable of doing anyway.
When she hung up again, he found himself staring at the envelope. He fiddled with the flap on it, trying to convince himself one way or another that he shouldn't or should open it. On one hand, it could offer closure. It could be her finally apologizing. He scoffed at the thought but his finger came dangerously close to opening the flap. This was nothing but trouble and she knew that. She knew how he felt about her and he knew she knew exactly how to play him right into her hand. He told himself he was going to prove her wrong. Prove to himself that this was over.
He tore the envelope open to find a small hallmark card with a sad gray and white cat on the front. Immediately he smelled her perfume wafting off of it and his stomach sank. He couldn't do this- This wasn't over. With a deep breath, one very pointedly away from the card, he opened the flap. "Be missing you every second you're away." With her signature scrawled underneath. His heart raced as he looked the card over, looking for some secret message tucked in the frilly paper within the cardstock. When he was certain that there was nothing to be found he let out a sigh of relief and leaned back. Instinctively, he put the back of his hand over his eyes, unfortunately, the one still clutching the card.
He breathed her perfume in again, this time a deep, soul reaching depth. Every memory hit him like a bus. The good ones of them cuddling on his couch into the early morning watching whatever came on. The bad ones of their arguments where he'd give just as much vitriol as she did. Most devastating, the memories of her on top of him filled his veins. He could feel her soft hands on him, the tickling of her hair on his nose.
The overwhelming flood of sense memories left him retching, throwing the card away from him. Her voice tinkled in his ears, haunting him and making him desperate to hear it just one more time. The ringing of his phone couldn't break him from his trance as he relived every moment of his time with Charlotte in gut-wrenching detail. He couldn't talk to Melissa like this, he couldn't let her know he'd failed her again. Instead, he left his phone on the bed, grabbing his wallet and keys, and heading to the bar down the street. He drank himself to ruin, eventually getting himself kicked out to wander home alone.
He stumbled over the door frame, face planting himself on the floor. Kicking the door shut, he crawled to his room. Ten missed calls blared at him on his phone's bright screen but he pushed them away and dialed a number he knew by heart. The line rang three times before she picked up.
"Teddy?" she whispered into the phone nervously.
"You can't just leave me alone, can you?" he slurred into the phone. "Did you have to dump the damn thing in your fucking perfume?"
"Teddy, I can't- excuse me a moment." A rustling could be heard but his frustration only intensified. "Teddy, I can't talk right now," she said into the line finally.
"I'm not even supposed to be fucking thinking about you," Ted bellowed into the phone.
"Teddy, I don't know- wait, is this about the card? I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
"Don't give me that shit, Charlotte," Ted cried into the phone, "You know exactly what you're doing to me and it needs to stop."
"Teddy, whatever you think-"
"It's not what I think, it's what I know. It's been two years, why are you still haunting me. Just let me die in peace, Charlotte."
"D-Die? Ted, are you alright?" she asked nervously, "Is there anyone there with you?"
"Of course there isn't, Charlotte," he sneered, "I'm going to die alone and it's all my fault and it's all your fault- Just please, let me forget you."
"Teddy, I'm coming over. At least to make sure you don't drown in your own vomit."
Ted tried to argue but she hung up. He tried to pull himself off the floor but his limbs were nothing more than jello. He heard the front door open slowly as footsteps crept through his apartment. Charlotte peeked around the bedroom door and let out a sigh of relief at the sight of him.
"Oh, Teddy, I was worried I'd find you covered in your own puke," she admitted, "Let's get some food in you."
"Why are you here?" he demanded despite letting her help him stand. "Don't you have a husband to go home to?"
"No, not anymore," she chuckled sadly. "He ran off with that barista."
"Oh -hic- sorry about that." His tone was much softer as the realization hit him. He pushed it away. "Unfortunately I have a fiancée that I love very, very much."
"Yes, Ted," Charlotte said stiffly, sitting him down in his kitchen chair. "She works in your old office. I see her every day."
"She loves me very, very much," he rambled as Charlotte started making him something to eat. "She helped me get over you, you know. It didn't really work but she did her best."
Charlotte didn't respond, continuing to work. She presented him with scrambled eggs, toast, sausage patties, and a cup of coffee before sitting down with her own cup.
"I'm glad you're finally happy," she told him finally after he finished the food on his plate. His stomach now full of carbs that soaked up the alcohol, his head was less fuzzy and the room had stopped spinning.
"Charlotte, I'm not happy," he admitted with a sob. "I'm trying so desperately hard to be but I can't let you go."
Charlotte frowned and rested her hand on his. "I'm sorry, I wish there was something I could do to help."
The feeling of her skin on his electrified him and he gripped her hand tightly. She froze, unsure of what he was about to do. He gently pulled her closer, "Charlotte, can I- Do you think- Would it be okay if-"
Charlotte let out a frustrated whimper and pushed her lips to his. His whole body was buzzing with intent as he moved closer, his hands falling into a familiar routine as he started exploring her form. His hand breached the hem of her shirt and she pulled away, biting her lip as her eyes flicked to the door.
"I don't think this is the best idea, Teddy," she murmured, her chest heaving.
"I know, I know," he admitted, frustrated. "I just can't help myself when it comes to you. I never could."
Charlotte bit her lip again, looking to the door before grabbing Ted by his shirt and kissing him. She stood, pulling him up with her as she led him to the bedroom he shared with Melissa. He didn't think of Melissa as his body melded with Charlotte's and by the time they finished, he was left panting but still hungry for more.
"It's funny, you know," she remarked when her breathing finally started evening out.
"Hmm," he asked lazily, rolling over to nuzzle into her chest and breathe in the cocktail of her sweat mixed with her perfume.
"You spent so long being the other man," she told him. "Now it's my turn."
"I don't want it to be like that," he told her, sitting up to look at her. "I never wanted that, I only ever wanted you."
"Oh Teddy, I couldn't ask you to break Melissa's heart for me," she told him sadly. "Even if you did spend plenty of time asking me to do that to Sam."
"There's a difference, Char," he told her, laying his head back on her chest. "Sam deserved everything he got, Melissa doesn't deserve someone still in love with someone else."
"Oh, Teddy, you don't mean that. You love Melissa, you told me yourself."
"It's nothing compared to how I feel when I look at you."
They laid in silence for a while before Ted drifted off. He woke to an empty bed and another five missed calls. He dreaded calling Melissa, he knew what he'd have to do and it was going to destroy any chance at a friendship he could have with Melissa. He was going to be honest. He was going to tell her everything, completely bare his soul. And he was going to break the heart of the only woman who'd ever truly stuck by him through everything he could dish out.
He answered her next call, assuring her he hadn't been avoiding her, just that he left his phone at home and passed out the minute he got home from work. She seemed to believe him and he justified it with himself by telling himself one more lie wouldn't hurt if it wouldn't ruin the rest of her trip. He called out of work again, his stomach still reeling from the alcohol. He stayed in bed, clutching Charlotte's card as he drifted in and out of sleep.
He finally woke up when he heard the front door shut. For a moment, he thought it was Charlotte, back to save him from his hungover stupor but it was Melissa who dropped her bags inside the door.
"So, we need to talk, don't we?" she asked after a long silence spent with her standing in the doorway.
"Yeah, I guess we do," he admitted, sitting up to look at her.
Another long pause as Ted desperately tried to find the right words to try to explain himself. "It's her, isn't it?" she asked finally, her tone even.
Ted nodded in response, "I really tried, Melly-"
"No, you don't get to call me that," she told him, her voice starting to rumble with emotion. "You don't get to call me anything anymore."
"Mel-"
"No, shut up, listen to me," she glowered, "I knew you would be hung up on her. I was fine with that, but it's been two fucking years, Ted. You bought a ring! You fucking proposed! And now you're telling me that you're still not over her? She used you! She used you for years and you still can't see through that?"
"Mel, I tried, I really tried-"
"Did you see her while I was at that conference?" Her voice was dangerously even now.
"Not- Not intentionally-"
"Did. You. See. Her. While. I. Was. Gone."
"Yes," he sighed, defeated.
"Ted, did you fuck her while I was gone?"
Ted opened his mouth to respond but the words wouldn't come. She took his silence as enough of an answer and licked her lips as a hysterical smile crossed her face.
"Great- fucking spectacular," she hissed, "I hope you two will be very happy together."
"Melissa, I'm sorry-"
"Shut the fuck up, Ted. I knew I should've listened to Felix, he fucking TOLD me that you were still a thousand miles away from ever being in love with me like you were with her."
"Felix doesn't know shit about me, Melissa," Ted hissed, his own frustration boiling up. "I can't explain to you how hard I fucking tried but I couldn't force myself to love you like I loved her, I'm sorry, Melissa."
"Don't you try to make me feel bad for you, you piece of shit," she snarled, taking her first step toward him since she got in the door. "You're the one that cheated, you motherfucker, you're the one who led me on for two fucking years and let me think that you were committed to me. Maybe it's my own fault, maybe I should've been able to read your fucking mind and know you could never fully commit to anything but your own fucking misery."
"I didn't ASK you to stay here! You saw how miserable I was for a year and a fucking HALF!" he snapped at her.
“I thought if I just waited, if I just gave you the benefit of the doubt, that you would eventually come around- So maybe I am stupid, maybe I am the idiot here but you’re still a piece of shit, Ted. I guess you always have been, always will be.”
Melissa turned on her heel and left the apartment, slamming the door so hard that he heard frames fall from the wall. He was livid, his blood was boiling but for the first time, he actually felt alive. No longer was he held down by the secrets he kept close to his chest, they were all out in the open now. Melissa may hate him now and that would ache in every bone for the rest of his days but he let her go, he’d told her. He may be an asshole for not doing it sooner, but he finally did it.
He followed her out the door, his keys and wallet in hand as he headed for Charlotte’s. As he pulled up in her driveway, he realized just how much things had changed. Through the front window, he saw Zoey, the barista she’d spoken of setting up a Christmas tree in the window. A small figure on her hip upset him as he watched them and he found himself horrified at the realization of why Charlotte’s marriage had ended.
He called her up and she told him where she was staying now. It was across town but he made it in record time. She invited him in and took him right to her bed, now one that was hers and hers alone. He told her about Melissa, how he’d told her everything. Charlotte was horrified. She would have to face her at CCRP and the thought paralyzed her. He was starting to realize his peace was going to cost so many people their own.
He finally got what he’d wanted and he did it in the most scumbag way possible. He’d been sleazy before but now he was no better than the man Charlotte had spent her life with. She fell asleep in his arms but he laid awake, staring at the ceiling as the guilt washed back over him.
Ted was an asshole, he was a sleazeball but now by his own hand, he was an absolute scumbag. He had taken a woman who adored him and put her through the wringer for his own benefit because he didn’t trust himself to be alone and now he was going to have to live with that every time he looked at Charlotte. He spent the last two years wanting nothing more than to be at her side and now the sight of her made him sick to his stomach.
Theodore Spankoffski would never be happy, he only ever stood in the way of his own happiness.