Work Text:
With a muffled thump, Minsoo landed on the couch, his intake of oxygen suddenly knocked out of him.
“Hey! What the heck was that for—”
“I don’t know what happened between you and your brother,” Dongho stared down at him, “But you shouldn't be treating your members like this.”
He seated himself in front of the silver haired male, the coffee table creaking as he set himself down and shifted his weight to his knees, sighing, “I know this is important to you, but why?” He leaned forward just a bit, letting his arms lay on his lap, “What’s beating him at a sports competition going to prove? That you're better than him?”
“Don’t say it like that—” Minsoo muttered, his voice cracking slightly, “You don’t get it.”
Dongho examined his group mate’s face, his troubled grimace shifting to an angered expression and back as he fought with his emotions. Something was wrong with him, it was pretty obvious. But Dongho didn’t know what it was or even how to help it. He tilted his head to get a better look at the shorter man. He was hiding himself, closing up and pretending he was just a headstrong ball of energy that never got insecure. Weren’t those kinds of people the most insecure? Maybe sometimes.
“Then help me get it.” the black haired male uttered, pronouncing every syllable with care and perhaps something short of trepidation.
Minsoo suddenly got up. “I’m gonna get some air. I’ll be back later!”
Dongho had only watched as he left the dorm, perhaps barely containing a swirling storm of memory and emotion as he did so.
And he’s still thinking about it. In his bed, Dongho turns over to see the other one, Minsoo's, still empty across the room. He’s still not home.
They’ve known each other for a long time, right? The first trainees to join HCE, the ones that had gone out recruiting new kids for the company. Seems like a lifetime ago. After all this time, wouldn’t they at least be good friends by now?
Minsoo and Dongho really don’t know anything about each other. Dongho never met his brother, never really talked about the past with him. Hell, they never even really talked as friends much.
It’s just the same with Minsoo. He knows nothing about Dongho, about his parents, his upbringing, really nothing. And who’s fault is that?
You might say it’s both. Minsoo doesn’t say shit, Dongho doesn’t say shit, they’re bound to know nothing about each other, right? Dongho would agree with you. He’s been pushing people away all his life, it’s barely even noticeable. A forced habit, started by his parents and encouraged by the promise of a career that needs toughness, a desensitized approach to your life, to another’s life.
You don’t want to be vulnerable in that kind of business. At least, not too much. People like people that are human. That’s what stimulates empathy, a friendly association. Give them Mr. Perfect, stern and kind. No one likes insecurity.
It’s just that lesson that Dongho was able to carry over, when he diverged from the path he was given. Be Mr. Perfect for your audience, because they demand humanity, but only when it’s beautiful.
But it can’t just be him that’s resigned himself to a silent life such as this, right? What about the others, Minsoo, Daehyun, Wyld? He’s seen the way they are. Minsoo with his mystery brother, Daehyun and what seems to be guilt buried from the past, and Wyld….Well Wyld is an enigma himself. Dongho still has yet to delve into figuring him out
They’ve all chosen this way, and they’ve gotta stick with it. There’s nothing more to say. It’s the decision they all made when they chose to sell themselves to the company. Well, selling themselves is a little dramatic. Rather, they gave HCE the steering wheel. It’s kind of a job requirement, being able to shut out the feelings. The fans are ruthless. They see everything, from the twitch of your lip to how fast your eyes flicker to each seat in a concert of millions.
But does that mean that they should hide these kinds of things from each other? What happened to “Get along!” and “Be friends with your groupmates!”, all the stuff people had told them over time?
It’s the association between them and their jobs. They’re coworkers, sure, but they should try to be friends too. No reason for them to be strangers, right?
So why doesn’t he do anything? Why doesn’t he push for this? It’s always the same reason. He’s got no problem with the confrontation. He’ll fight, he’ll argue, he’ll push as much as he damn well needs to, but…
This kind of interaction requires a transaction. To get Minsoo to open up, he might need to do so himself first, as encouragement. And goddamn, he hadn’t wanted to admit it before, but he probably wouldn’t even be able to get him to say shit.
No room for emotion here, right? It’s not his fault, he’s bred that way, right? Way he sees it, the others probably don’t even want to get closer, cause if they did they would have taken initiative and come to him first.
Right?
‘No, you’re a coward. You think they’d come to you first like that? What have you known your whole life? Nothing’s going to come to you just like that, you idiot. If you want it, you gotta push for it.’
But does he really want it? Honestly, he doesn’t need to be buddy-buddy with them to be a part of MAYHEM. He doesn’t have to push to get them to talk to him when they clearly don’t really want to.
But...What if he is wrong? As he usually is. Hell, he sees the same kind of thing in himself. Wanting to talk, to open up, but you just can’t. There’s a chance that they’re going through that too. But if they aren’t?
He overthinks too much sometimes. It’s certain that everyone has their own secrets. The only dilemma he has is whether he should push to help them open up or not. Perhaps he’ll find out on his own, as they continue to get to know each other as co workers instead of fellow trainees. Even if it's an intangible, insubstantial surface self they come to know. It’s a step.
For now, he should probably focus on falling asleep instead of having yet another moment full of late night overthinking. God knows he’s had enough of that.