Chapter Text
"Cory, no, come on. I know it's been a while since we've seen each other, but…" Shawn sighed into the phone and stared out the window. It was another damp, dreary winter day. That might bother some people, but not him. He didn't need constant sunshine to be happy. In fact he found the frequent gray skies to be cheery in their own weird way. It must be his wife's influence. Even the darkest days held promise as long as he had her by his side. God, he was turning into such a sap. "What, yeah, I'm still here."
"What's it going to take to convince you, Shawnie? What do I have to do? Is it money? We'll pay for your plane tickets."
"It's not money," he snapped back, probably more harsh than intended. While he was comfortable now, his lack of funds growing up would always be a sore spot. "We can pay our own way."
"I'm sorry. You know I wouldn't…I didn't mean it like that. It's just that we've spent every Christmas together since we were eleven. It's tradition. Just think of it: trimming the tree on Christmas Eve, my mom making so much to eat we're all in a food coma before the desserts make it to the table, Mr. Feeny reading A Christmas Carol even though no one ever asks him to, and then complaining when we all fall asleep before the end. Can you just turn you back on those traditions?"
"I'm not turning my back on anything. But I have my own family now. We want to create our own traditions. Niko's at an age where he's starting to build memories. I want the first Christmas he remembers to be at home with his parents. Is that so bad?"
It was Cory's turn to sigh. "No, it's not." There was nothing he could say that could compete with that. "You win."
"I think there's some static on the line. What did you just say?"
"You don't have to rub it in."
"Sorry, it's not often you relent and let me win one so easily."
"It's a couple days before Christmas. You call this giving up easy?"
"Fair enough."
"I don't know how I'm going to break it to Riley and Auggie that Uncle Shawn won't be at Christmas for the first time in…"
"I'm hanging up now."
"Fine, fine. You have your own life, your own family. I get it."
"Good."
"But you owe me Spring break, mister!"
It wasn't worth pointing out that they had to see if their breaks synced up. There was months before he had to worry about that. "We'll Skype or something on Christmas Eve so you can watch Niko open the presents you sent. We'll let him help open the baby's, too. Sonnet's too young to give a damn about Christmas yet. She just likes to stare at the lights."
"But I didn't send any-"
"Topanga sent yours' last week and your mom and the Feenys' sent theirs' a couple weeks ago."
"Oh. So I guess I was the only one holding out hope you were coming home?"
"I think I am home now, Cor," Shawn said quietly. He lifted a picture from atop the bookcase. His wife was in the rocker with both kids on her lap. In one arm she cradled a nursing newborn and in the other she held their preschooler, reading to him from a book about his newest obsession- bugs. It was his favorite photograph out of any he's ever taken, definitely one of the most beautiful sites he's ever seen. "I'm home."
"But Portland is so far away. I don't get why you had to decide to live in Oregon of all places. First you bounce all around the globe for years and when you finally do settle down its twenty-nine hundred miles away?!"
"That part sucks, but it's not-"
"It's a minimum six hour plane ride."
"A plane ride you want me to take with a four and a half year old and a five week old. Does that not sound like the very definition of hell to you? Because it's not my idea of a good time."
"Me and Topanga made the drive to Philly when Riley was two and a half weeks old."
"And from what I heard you bitched about how tired you were the whole time even though your parents gave you an out and said they understood you staying home that Christmas."
"Is it me? Did I do something wrong? Did I push you away? Are you mad at me?"
"I'm just trying to live my life, Cor. The dart happened to land here."
"You know that's not funny. I'm never going to believe you guys decided where to live by throwing a dart at a map."
Shawn was never so happy to hear cries coming from the baby monitor. "Sorry, I have to go. Nap time's over. I'll talk to you later. Christmas Eve for sure, okay?"
"Yeah, talk to you Christmas Eve."
/
A little while Shawn was pacing from one end of the house to the other, wondering if anyone's eardrums had actually ruptured from a baby's cries before. "I know, kid, I know. You're hungry. I get it. But if you'd just take the bottle like a reasonable person…it's the exact same milk you get from your mom, I swear. I wouldn't lie to you, Sonnet. I'm not that kind of guy. Well…maybe I used to be the kind of guy who said what I had to to get by and survive, but I'm not that kind of dad. Believe that. Niko can vouch for me and you like him, right?" She quieted down when he offered the bottle again. For a moment he let himself think she actually had the cognitive ability to decide to be reasonable and listen to him. Instead she was just gathering some oxygen for her next crying jag. His only consolation was that she wasn't as loud this time. "Okay, you can cry your little heart out. I'm not going anywhere." He added a little extra bounce in his step and patted her back as he walked. "Are you sick of hearing the story of how you got your name yet? You see, it all started with a book of sonnets and love poems I found in this girl's purse. And, as you probably suspected, this girl was a very special person and I knew I needed to find out who she was…
"…and that's why your name is so special," he concluded. "Sonnet represents unbending, never ending love. It's a symbol of the ever fixed mark your mom is on my soul. Daddy likes to think she feels the same about me."
"She does."
He turned around and saw Angela standing in the doorway. "Oh, hey."
"Hey."
"Daddy, I buy you Christmas stuff," Niko exclaimed and ran into the room.
He feigned surprise. "You did?"
"Yeah, see!"
"Niko, wait, you're not supposed to-" It was too late. Their little boy was elbow deep in the bag and pulled out a tie covered in face of various Shrek characters. There was also a new journal with Thomas the Tank Engine on the cover. Those were the risks you took when you let a four year old pick out gifts.
"You like them, daddy?"
After growing up in a house where his family either couldn't afford presents or just didn't bother, Shawn now had a son who couldn't wait to give him his presents. Who cared that it was still a couple days before Christmas or that he literally couldn't remember the last time he wore a tie? "I love them so much. But do you know what would be fun?"
"What?"
"If you and mommy wrap them up for me and put them under the tree, this way I can be super surprised on Christmas morning."
"You will be shock?"
"Yeah, I will be very shocked. Does that sound good?"
"Sounds good," Niko mimicked.
"Go hide them under your bed so I can't find them, okay?"
"Okay, daddy."
They laughed as they watched their son run out of the room. "Subtle thy name is Niko."
"I probably should be appalled that my kid is such a bad liar, but it definitely works in our favor in the long run."
"What are you talking about? You're a horrible liar."
"Most people don't think so."
"Most people aren't me."
Shawn conceded her point. "I never could fool you, could I?"
She shook her head. He'd tried multiple times in the past, mostly because he was afraid of his feelings, afraid of hurting her, or getting hurt himself. She always saw through it. "You'd better not try and start that again."
"I learned my lesson…eventually. It almost cost me you, us. Not worth it." The baby squirmed in his arms and began to fuss again. "Sorry, someone's been waiting on you for lunch. She wouldn't take a bottle from me. I tried multiple times."
Angela placed her shopping bags on the coffee table and walked over to her husband and daughter. "Being quite the demanding princess, huh?"
"I think we can cut her a little slack. She can barely hold her head up and her only means of communicating are screaming in my ear."
"I don't know, Sonnet. Is daddy telling the truth? He's not making you look very good," she remarked as she took their now crying daughter into her arms.
"All I meant was-"
"Relax, Shawn, I know. I was just kidding." She offered him a smile and squeezed his arm before moving to the recliner to settle with the baby. Within moments the crying ceased. "So what was with the conversation Niko and I walked in on? Were you letting her know who to blame if she ever decides she hates her name?"
"How long were you standing there?"
"Just a minute or two."
"You don't think she will, do you?" Though he loved the moniker, Shawn knew it was a lot to saddle a baby with. Sometimes he wondered if they should've made it her middle name instead. "It's not technically a name, but the sentiment-"
"I know. I still can't believe you talked me into it though. I can't picture her as anything else now, but major accomplishment on your part, babe."
"You flat out vetoed naming her Poet."
"That's even less of a name than Sonnet." Angela ran a finger across Sonnet's faint hairline and chuckled when the infant grabbed it tight in her little fist and pulled it away. "Sorry, baby girl, was I disturbing you?" She studied her daughter's face before speaking again. "You want to hear something crazy?"
"Sure."
"I think she looks like my dad. She has his eyes."
"That's been obvious since the day she was born," he said, his tone soft.
"Last night I was rocking her to sleep after her 2AM feeding and she gave me once of those smiles where it's maybe a real smile but could also still be gas, you know?"
"Yeah." He took a seat on the arm of the chair and wrapped his arm around her.
"Something about her expression reminded me of my dad…just this look he'd get on his face when he found something amusing, but not quite funny enough to laugh at."
"So, basically the way he'd look at me when I tried to make a joke?"
She let his attempt at humor go and continued speaking. "I think it's finally hitting me that he won't be here for Christmas. I didn't have time to think about my first Thanksgiving without him because we were barely home from the hospital after Sonnet was born. I was deep in new baby zombie mode. Hell, I'm still in zombie mode, but…" Angela bit her lip and kept her focus on her daughter, worried Shawn would think she was losing her mind. "I called him today, tried to anyway.
"I just….I forgot. I wanted to ask him about these cookie bars my grandma made every Christmas when I was a kid. I want to make them with Niko but I couldn't find the recipe in my box of stuff from grandma." She attempted to fight off the tears that came to her eyes, but to no avail. "Sorry."
"Nothing to be sorry for." He handed over a clean cloth diaper from the stack on the coffee table for her to dry her eyes. "Are you okay?"
"It didn't hit me until I heard his voicemail message." Most people thought she was nuts for still keeping his cell phone active all these months later, but she couldn't bring herself to cancel it just yet. "How could I forget? What kind of person forgets something like that?"
"Maybe you just don't want it to be real."
She leaned into him and rested her head against his chest. "Most days it feels like a nightmare I can't wake up from."
"I get it, kind of. For the longest time I told myself Chet was still out there trying to find whatever the hell it was he was chasing to make him happy. How sick is it when parental abandonment is the better alternative?"
"I'm sorry."
They both jumped when a loud noise echoed throughout the house. It was quickly followed by a little voice saying, 'uh-oh.'
"Crap, lost track of how long he was alone."
Shawn patted her knee. "I'll check him. Are you okay?"
She nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"You sure?"
"Mommy, daddy, I made a ass-uh-dent!"
They looked at each other for a few seconds before they burst out laughing.
"Is it wrong if I say I hope he never learns the correct pronunciation of accident?"
"Go check him please."
"Okay." He planted a quick kiss on her lips before he stood. "Remind me to tell you all about Cory's phone call later. Who knew we had the power to ruin Christmas."
"Did you tell him that planes can get to Portland just as easily as they get to New York?"
"I was saving that for you. But hey, this was the first time in forever he didn't mention that we eloped with only your dad and Jack as witnesses."
"Wow, progress."