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Karen stopped in the hallway, standing before the array of eclectic frames hung on the wall outside her boyfriend’s bedroom. Her heavy eyes scanned the various baby pictures and family photos before lingering on the most recent photo taken before Rod’s departure almost ten years prior.
Growing up, Karen had seen the gallery wall countless times. She always wondered what it would be like to be in one of these pictures, but lately, she wasn’t too sure where she would even belong amongst the group. It didn’t feel like she deserved to be anywhere near them.
After lingering on the photo for longer than she’d care to admit, Karen exhaled and tore herself away. She turned off the lights and headed down the stairs.
Karen had always wanted a sister. Though she never thought that desire would take on a completely different meaning when she made the wish decades prior.
It happened gradually. Popuri had always been around; her presence wasn’t foreign, just a constant forgotten in the back of Karen’s mind. At first, she was the childish, nagging voice chasing Karen and Rick around town as kids. As everyone got older, Popuri was just a steady source of sass and headaches for Rick, and by extension, Karen too. It wasn’t until the past year when Popuri started joining in for drinks in the evening that Karen began to discern her outside of her role as Rick’s sister.
Though the two got along well enough beforehand, Karen had never thought about Popuri in any other way besides as Rick’s kid sister. She was only two years younger than her brother, but it didn’t help that Rick continued to baby her, something that had begun to get under Karen’s skin as of recent.
Because she wasn’t a kid anymore, Popuri had more than grown into her own the last few years, and Karen viewed her as an equal. She wasn’t the clueless, immature drama queen Rick seemed to make her out to be. Instead, Karen saw a vibrant, bubbly personality, passionate dreams, and silly, endearing quirks. Popuri was so unapologetically herself, and Karen admired how fearlessly she followed her heart. Karen only wished it was easier for her to do the same.
As she spent more time with her boyfriend’s sister, Karen couldn’t help feeling like she clicked with Popuri on a level that she and Rick hadn’t even grazed the surface of yet. And who knows if they ever would. Karen tried to justify this connection, though she wasn’t a stranger to the kaleidoscope of butterflies that seemed to frenzy in her stomach when Popuri was around. If anything, Karen actively avoided thinking about how the relationship made her feel compared to her other friendships or even her current relationship with Rick.
If she was honest with herself, the things Karen loved about Popuri were reminiscent of her favorite parts about Rick. The siblings were kind-hearted, caring, enthusiastic, hardworking, and the list went on for miles. While Karen tried to shield herself from these qualities in Popuri, they shined through the cracks like the scorching summer sun. Everything that had drawn Karen to Rick was present in Popuri tenfold, and that frightened her.
And now, Karen was at a standstill. Stuck between the consistent, supportive love of her long-time best friend and the exhilaration of intense connection with his sister, fixated on what could be. She knew it was wrong to think of her boyfriend’s sister in that way, but Karen was beyond the point of stopping; her head was the only place safe enough to explore her feelings now.
Karen loved Rick and couldn’t imagine her life without him, but she couldn’t deny the sensations that would arise when she was with Popuri. The cognitive dissonance was slowly eating away at her sanity. Still, she continued to excuse the stress for the sake of the fleeting feelings of sweet escape. It wasn’t sustainable in the slightest, but Karen couldn’t help herself anymore. She just continued to put herself into uncomfortable situations, only to relish in the momentary rush before reality settled in.
It was only a matter of time until she crumbled. But that didn’t seem to stop Karen.
“Is he okay?” Karen heard the light, feminine voice ask as she tiptoed down the staircase. The faint glow of the fireplace provided a soft spotlight in an otherwise dark room, illuminating Popuri as she sat on the couch. Her head was tilted back towards Karen, curious garnet eyes reflecting the fire in front of them.
Karen let out a defeated sigh as she gripped the stairs’ railing, using it to hop down the last step. “Yeah, I mean, he’s passed out now, but he’s going to be.” She rounded the staircase, approaching the small living room from behind.
“I haven’t seen Rick drink like that in a looong time,” Popuri said in disbelief, though Karen could tell there was a hint of concern in her tone.
Karen had noticed that something seemed to be bothering Rick, too, though she hadn’t done much to help and was painfully aware of this fact. She felt guilty for not supporting her partner the way she knew he needed, but she was emotionally exhausted herself. It was just easier to feign ignorance.
“Yeah,” Karen offered with no real meaning. She found herself standing behind the couch, hands in her pockets as she nervously contemplated her next move.
She’d taken care of a beyond intoxicated Rick, so it was inevitably time to put herself to bed too, right? But Karen knew she didn’t want to leave, not yet. Something about being here alone with Popuri felt so right, yet so incredibly terrifying.
“You’re not leaving, are you?” Popuri asked softly, leaning her chin against her crossed arms as they rested on the back of the sofa.
“Ah, well,” Karen started uneasily. Her eyes darted up the stairs before hesitantly returning to the scene in front of her. A roaring fire, the source of her racing mind curled up in a blanket looking so effortlessly beautiful, bottles of wine and red-tinted glasses littering the coffee table. Of course, she didn’t want to leave. “I just thought after Rick threw up, you might want to call it a night.”
“Just because my brother’s down for the count doesn’t mean we can’t still enjoy ourselves,” Popuri said brightly, her mouth curving into a lippy smile.
And Goddess, how that smile seemed to melt all sense of reason from Karen’s head.
“Plus, look!” Popuri continued, quickly leaning from her perch on the couch to grab the black tinted bottle off the coffee table behind her. She turned back to Karen, gripping it by the neck as she gently swished the liquid inside at eye level. “Seems like we have… almost half a bottle of wine left. At the very least, we have to finish this off!”
Karen smiled as she exhaled through her nose. “Well, I guess I can’t argue with that.” She wouldn’t have argued with any of the reasons Popuri could have given her to stay, but she didn’t feel particularly inclined to share that out loud.
Popuri let out an excited squeal at Karen’s surrender and turned back to distribute the remaining red liquid between their respective wine glasses. Karen made her way around the living room set, plopping down on the other side of the couch from her busy companion.
“Here ya are,” Popuri sang as she handed the heavy pour of red wine to Karen, scootching closer on the cushions to push the glass closer to the brunette’s hand.
Karen tried to ignore the closing space between her and Popuri, instead thanking her friend before promptly bringing the drink up to her lips. For a moment, she was distracted by the wine as it stung down her throat. Karen focused on the faint, oaky aftertaste in the back of her mouth, trying to occupy her thoughts with anything other than the woman in front of her. She succeeded, only until she felt Popuri readjust on the couch next to her.
“Thanks for staying,” Popuri said, settling into the seat directly next to Karen. She pushed her back into the cushion as she folded her legs in front of her, a fuzzy blanket loosely draped over her lap. “It just makes me so happy that we can hang out like this. We’ve gotten so much closer this year!”
“Yeah, me too,” Karen admitted before taking another sip. She wanted to say more, so much more, but she knew she couldn’t.
Popuri mirrored her action, bringing the glass up to take a drink. “I can’t believe there was ever a time where we didn’t get along.”
A laugh escaped Karen’s lips. She leaned into the arm of the sofa, resting the wine glass on its surface as she reminisced. “Remember that time when I came over to hang out with Rick like, forever ago, and you stole my scarf from the kitchen?” She raised a thoughtful hand to her chin as if trying to place the memory. “I think you couldn’t have been older than like, what, fourteen?”
“Thirteen,” Popuri corrected her with a chuckle, shaking her head. She briefly closed her eyes as if playing the memory in her mind. “And that was ridiculous! I still can’t believe I did that.”
“And then Rick and I spent the whole evening looking for it,” Karen began with a laugh, recalling the event as if it were yesterday. “But you hid it in your closet, so when Lillia came to check your room, she made you come apologize to me and give it back.”
“Ugh,” Popuri groaned after a long sip of wine. “That part was sooo embarrassing. I don’t even know what I was thinking back then.”
“You were just a kid; you didn’t really know any better,” Karen assured her with an earnest smile. “I just think it’s kinda funny to look back on now…” She eagerly took another drink of the wine to stop her train of thought.
Popuri pressed the wine glass up to her lips, seemingly reflecting on Karen’s words, but Karen was just occupied trying to imagine how those lips might feel pressed against hers. She knew she shouldn’t let her mind wander like that, but she was already in too deep.
“I guess,” Popuri said, her eyes moving to the fireplace in front of them. “For some reason, at that age, I really didn’t like you.” Her head snapped back to Karen, a sheepish grin appearing beneath her flushing cheeks. “B-but don’t take it personally! I didn’t really like anyone at that age, to be honest. I think I was just... jealous of you or something?”
Karen’s heart throbbed as it dropped down in her stomach. Popuri was too cute for her own good. She searched for the right words to respond, though Karen couldn’t believe that somebody like Popuri could ever be jealous of her.
“Being a teenager sucks,” Karen managed to force out. “I’m sure I was the same way, probably worse.”
“Yeah, right,” Popuri scoffed, catching Karen off-guard. “Growing up, I remember always thinking that you were so cool. I mean, I still do. I just can’t believe you even want to be my friend or hang out with me.” Popuri looked down into her wine glass as her voice faltered. After clearing her throat, she continued with a hint of sarcasm in her tone. “I’m more so surprised with your interest in my brother, but I think everyone got over that a while back.”
Karen forced a laugh, gently shaking her head at how foolish her friend sounded. “You give me way too much credit, Pop,” she said defensively before taking a drink. “I love hanging out with you. You’re always down to have a good time, like tonight, and... I appreciate that about you.” Trying to carefully place the right words as her pulse rang through her chest, Karen took a deep breath and averted her gaze to her lap. “I appreciate a lot of things about you. You’re… one of my best friends.”
The corners of Popuri’s mouth stretched to either side of her face, “I feel the same way!” She set her wine glass down on the coffee table and leaned back into her seat. “Like I said, I still can’t believe someone like you is even with Rick, but I’m glad he found you. I really like having you around all the time, even if it means I have to hang with my brother,” she joked with a wink.
Karen hated how much she related to Popuri’s last sentence, but she tried not to let it show.
“Aw, come on, Rick’s not that bad,” Karen teased back, though she wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince herself or her companion.
“Yeah, I guess he’s gotten better,” Popuri admitted with a sly smile.
Karen agreed with Popuri, though she was much less concerned with the poultry farmer as he laid passed out upstairs. Out of sight, out of mind had never rung more true.
“So what about you two?” Popuri asked, pulling Karen out of her head.
“What about us?”
“I don’t know, it just feels like you two have been together forever!” she said with feigned dramatics. “Do you think you two will get married soon?”
The question stirred a series of deep, conflicting emotions in Karen’s chest. She felt like, after this long, marrying Rick was just the logical next step. But truthfully, Karen felt indifferent about going through the motions. Everyone else seemed so convinced that she should be happy with Rick; she wanted to believe that she was happy too.
But she wasn’t happy, nor did she feel like she deserved that happiness. After entertaining what could have been for too long, it was all Karen could think about. How could she even consider marrying Rick when all of her judgment was clouded with thoughts of his sister?
“Eh,” Karen choked out, searching for any response worthy enough to pull her from her current position. “It hasn’t been that long.”
“Aw, come on, Karen, now’s not the time to get all bashful,” Popuri teased her, causing Karen’s face to heat up. “You guys have been together since I was… eighteen? Like what, three years ago? And then whatever you two were doing, like, your entire childhood.”
While Popuri’s words were true, they only made Karen feel shameful. She and Rick had always been together; it had been an essential consistency in Karen’s life. He was her rock and had been as long as she could remember. It only made Karen feel worse about her current state of mind. She wondered why part of her was so willing to throw everything out the window to chase a reckless feeling.
“I guess you have a point,” Karen agreed with a sigh. She reached for her wine glass, savoring the last sip. “He hasn’t really said anything about proposing, but I’m not sure if he would tell me even if he was planning it.”
“That’s true.” Popuri readjusted her legs on the couch, and Karen ignored the way her feet brushed along her leg, or at least, she attempted to do so. “He tends to keep things locked up, usually to a falt,” Popuri added with an eye roll. “That’s a big difference between the two of us.”
Karen was painfully aware of this difference too, but she kept it to herself.
“Sometimes, I think it has to do with your dad,” Karen said before she realized what had left her mouth.
Bringing up Rod was usually a touchy subject with Rick, but more of a hit or miss with Lillia and Popuri. Karen only hoped she hadn’t upset her friend this time around.
“Not proposing or keeping things locked up?”
Karen paused before taking a deep breath. “Both... probably.”
Wood crackled over the hearth of the fireplace as the words hung in the air. Popuri looked at Karen sincerely, easing the brunette’s worries.
“Yeah, I see that,” Popuri conceded, her eyes moving to the frosted window in front of the pair. “Just because dad’s gone doesn’t mean we have to stop living. Sometimes I think Rick forgets that... He’s so occupied trying to fill whatever hole he seems to think our dad left, but he deserves to live his life too.”
Karen was silent for a moment, processing Popuri’s words. Maybe it was the alcohol, but words seemed to just fall out of her mouth before Karen had time to even consider what was being said. “You deserve that, too. You know that, right?”
Popuri turned back to Karen with a soft smile. “I know,” she replied, grabbing the wine glass she had put aside to finish the last drink. “And I try. I just hope that Rick doesn’t wait around too long for Goddess knows what. You deserve that too.”
The last thought left Karen at a loss for words. At this point, Karen had no idea what she deserved, but it definitely didn’t feel like it was Rick or the girl in front of her. This anguish must have been apparent on Karen’s face because Popuri quickly changed the subject.
“It looks like we finished up this one,” Popuri said as she grabbed the empty bottle off the table, holding it up for Karen to see. She seemed to investigate Karen before resuming, a hint of hesitancy in her voice this time around, “We have another… if you want, we could open that one too?”
It was a dangerous game they were playing. Karen knew she should leave, but against all better judgment, she nodded her head with a forced smile. “I’d love that.”
Popuri sprung up from her seat, leaving the fire’s warm light to retrieve another bottle from the adjacent kitchen. Karen readily took the opportunity to take a deep breath, trying to release the built-up tension from her body. It was an all-too-familiar routine by now.
Nervous excitement returned to her chest as she heard the familiar POP of the cork, followed by a steady pattern of floorboard creeks increasing in volume.
Before Karen knew it, Popuri was in front of her with a fresh wine bottle in hand, the gleaming fire backlighting her silhouette. All she could think about was how perfect her friend looked standing before her.
“Your glass?” Popuri prodded playfully, holding the bottle out towards Karen.
It was enough to pull Karen back to her senses. She lifted the glass to meet the spout and watched as the red liquid rushed up to the brim.
“Damn,” Karen laughed, pulling the wine glass away from Popuri’s eager pour. “Looks like you’ve been spending too much time with me.” She brought the drink up to her lips, expertly slurping the liquid that threatened to spill.
Her companion laughed as she moved on to fill her own glass in the same fashion. “I don’t think that’s possible,” Popuri said sweetly as she settled back into her spot next to Karen.
Karen felt the corners of her mouth instinctively tug up. The words made her heart feel light, as innocently as they had been intended. She decided to ignore the nagging voice in her head, basking in the moment as long as she could.
Suddenly, a section of the fuzzy blanket Popuri had wrapped herself in earlier was draped over Karen’s legs. She looked over to her friend, noticing the remainder of it rested over Popuri’s lap.
“You looked cold,” Popuri answered without prompt. “Is that okay? I can go get another blanket from the closet if you want.”
It was more than okay; it was exactly what she wanted. But Karen knew she couldn’t say that, not out loud, and not without ruining everything. Losing both Rick and Popuri for good would hurt more than being stuck where she was.
“Of course,” Karen answered with a smile, trying to mask the bittersweet taste on her tongue. “Thanks.”
While Karen knew she couldn’t have Popuri the way she wanted, she could live in this moment as long as her friend would let her. And to Karen at that instant, it was the next best thing.