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Yeonjun's face is hard.
As he crosses his arms over his chest, the expanse of a single dinner table has never felt so wide. Taehyun's throat constricts, tight and raw, as he tries to think of a way to breach this distance.
"Do you have anything to say for yourself?"
Yeonjun breaks the silence first, his voice flat. Taehyun's knuckles have gone white from where they grip the empty mug in front of him uselessly. In all the years he's known Yeonjun — in all of Yeonjun's colors and sounds and emotions — he has never known his anger.
How is he supposed to find the answer to a problem, if Taehyun has never been taught how to solve it?
"My money is on Soobin hyung."
"No way, my money's on Taehyun. Just give him a second. He'll logic his way out of this."
"I don't know, it looks like he's already KO'ed. Soobin hyung's Yeonjun impersonation could kill —"
"I'm done," Taehyun suddenly announces.
He gives up, pushing away from the kitchen table anxiously. His palms are sweaty and, Taehyun knows, if Yeonjun hyung was really there, he'd be pinching his cheeks and referencing an old Eminem song (mom's spaghetti, he'd rap lovingly) by now.
Soobin's Yeonjun facade cracks once Taehyun pushes away from the table as well, immediately dropping their game of pretend.
"What, noooo, you didn't even try!!" he cries, banging his hands (the size of melons, he really ought to be careful) on the table in disappointment.
Beomgyu immediately drapes himself over Taehyun's shoulders, giving him a helpless squeeze.
"Taehyun!! You were so close!" he whines, ruffling Taehyun's hair and then immediately whining again when Taehyun moves to snap at his wrist, all teeth and no mercy. "Fake Yeonjun hyung would've broken if you just gave him Those Eyes for another minute or two!"
"Says who!" Soobin glares, crossing his arms over his chest again. "I would never have given in!"
This time, Taehyun bites Beomgyu for real, finally catching the tip of his index finger between his teeth. He feels victorious when Beomgyu lets out a startled yelp. Serves him right for ever suggesting this game of pretend in the first place.
"What was that for!" Beomgyu wrenches his arm away, wounded, shuffling towards the bedroom just beyond the wall divider to hold his hand out to Kai instead. Kai, shoes already toed off and feet propped up on the princess bed, blows at his index finger, nodding sympathetically when Beomgyu whines at him some more.
"I told you I didn't want to play this game," Taehyun huffs, trying to gather his things together. He still has at least four items left on his shopping list and they were all getting no where fast.
"I was just trying to help you practice!" Beomgyu huffs right back, mollified only by Kai taking his hand in his, pulling him into the princess bed as well. "You know you're going to fight with Yeonjun hyung once you two are living together. You need to learn how to work through it! I was giving you free couple's counseling!"
Soobin nods in agreement, still parked at the kitchen display, arms crossed over his chest, his melon-hands tucked away for the time being.
"It's true, you definitely need some practice. You two have never fought yet, right?" Soobin hums, expression pensive. "I remember when Jungkook hyung and I had to live together for a week while his plumbing was out. I thought I was going to murder him by the fourth night."
This makes Taehyun stop.
He pauses, teeth still bared at Beomgyu, and turns, stilted, to glance at Soobin.
Soobin meets his gaze, nodding with the utmost seriousness.
"I mean it," he replies solemnly, not a trace of teasing or playfulness in his eyes. "We almost broke up by the fifth night. Thank god Jimin hyung called to tell us their bathroom was finally fixed."
This did not bode well for Taehyun.
Not one bit.
His hands are sweating again as he gingerly sits back down.
"Why… were you fighting?" he asks, voice sounding strangely pitchy even to his own ears. From the princess bed beyond the wall divider, Kai snorts.
"What didn't they fight about?" he snickers. One of Soobin's melon-hands slowly peeks out and Taehyun wonders if Kai knows how lucky he is that he's too far out of reach. Wonders if Kai knows his life is in actual danger. Kai doesn't seem to care. He continues nonchalantly, instead. "I'd hear them fighting literally every other hour. Fighting when Jungkook hyung didn't close the cabinet door. Fighting when Jungkook hyung broke one of Soobin hyung's cups. Fighting when Jungkook hyung didn't tell Soobin that his cookies were delicious in a voice that was sincere enough —"
This time, Soobin gets out of his seat and Kai squeaks loudly, hiding behind one of the unicorn plushes lined up on the bed. Beomgyu covers him protectively and shoots Soobin a glare.
"You know it's true, hyung! Don't be mean to Kai," he bristles, straightening up with all the ferocity of a protective pomeranian. Soobin shoots him a glare that's just as withering before sitting back down, melon-hands on full display now.
"Whatever," he grumbles, turning back to Taehyun instead. He pauses for a beat before finally replying — with the utmost reluctance: "...ugh. Fine. It is true. We fought about all of those things. And everything in between. And more, even on top of that."
Taehyun stares at him helplessly.
"Why? You guys never fight."
Soobin shrugs.
"It's just something that happens when you're close to someone for a while, I guess. It's different, living together. You don't get to take breaks from one another. You don't get to just be Alone. You don't get to put your phone away when they say something that grates on your nerves and you don't get to hide in your bed for the day when you're feeling less patient than normal. You're literally together twenty-four seven and it's… tough."
Taehyun thinks of Yeonjun hyung, waiting for him back home — in their new apartment, perfectly calm, blissfully unaware of this apparent shitstorm waiting for them up ahead.
"I mean, c'mon. Think of how many times you must've fought with your family back when you still lived with them," Soobin continues, seemingly unaware of the fact that Taehyun is already beginning to leave his body, having a severe out-of-body moment and rapidly crumbling in crisis. "You fight over the stupidest things and you have to learn how to work it out. It's totally different from dating. It's an entirely different ball game."
Beomgyu twirls a strand of Kai's hair between his fingers, humming in agreement to cut in.
"But I'm sure you and Yeonjun hyung will be okay, Taehyun," he declares loudly. "You're so calm and thorough and logical. I bet you guys have already talked this all out, right?"
Taehyun, definitely not calm and logical and still drifting out of his body, nods numbly.
"Yeah, I'm sure we'll be okay," he lies, voice distant.
A strange awkwardness falls over the group. Taehyun wonders, distantly, if they've all realized that he has ascended out of his body. He hopes that they'll tell Yeonjun hyung that he loved him. He wonders who will get his cat.
"Taehyun… are you… okay —" Kai begins to venture before a man, dressed in a grey suit and wearing the most exhausted expression that it almost gives Taehyun a run for his money, interrupts them.
"Excuse me, please do not take off your shoes in the display case."
Kai, momentarily forgetting about Taehyun's existential crisis, turns to the man in surprise.
"But I'm getting in bed! Who wears shoes in bed?"
The man sighs again.
"Please do not get into the bed, sir. This is an Ikea. You cannot sleep in the display beds."
Beomgyu shoots the man a scathing look.
"Don't tell him what to do!"
The man probably wants to jump off a cliff. Or throw them off a cliff. Taehyun can relate, on a truly spiritual level. He wishes he'd throw him off a cliff instead.
"I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Please leave. This goes beyond my paygrade."
Taehyun whispers, "Same."
/
By the time they leave the Ikea, Beomgyu haughtily shuffling his way out of there before they can be escorted out (and Kai nearly forgetting his shoes when he tumbles out of the princess bed), it's well past dinnertime and Taehyun knows Yeonjun hyung has been waiting.
Still numb and untethered, like a balloon in the sky, Taehyun cannot remember how he gets from Point A to Point B, but somehow he makes it to their apartment in one piece.
Yeonjun hyung is bent over the stove in the kitchen when he comes in.
His entire face lights up when Taehyun enters.
"Hey! How'd the Ikea run go?"
Taehyun doesn't reply right away and Yeonjun pauses, realizing that he has still not said a word. His brow furrows as he lowers the ladle in his hands. "Taehyun? Everything okay…?"
The concern in his voice snaps Taehyun out of it.
He looks up, confused, before nodding a little too vigorously.
"I — yeah, I'm fine — everything's fine. It was fine," he clears his throat nervously. "I got the bookcase you wanted. Beomgyu and Kai have been blacklisted from that Ikea now."
Yeonjun's grin is wide when he finally reaches Taehyun, arms opening as he pulls the boy in close, chin nearly bumping into the top of his head as he crowds all around him, smothering the smaller boy in a bear hug. Taehyun burrows into the soft fabric of Yeonjun's hoodie and inhales deeply. Lets the smell of Yeonjun — soap and cologne and spice — ground him. Prays it'll bring him back down to earth, back into his body.
"So, in other words, it was just another normal outing then?" Yeonjun teases, voice coming muffled in Taehyun's hair. He drops a kiss to the crown of his head. Taehyun shivers in his arms. "Those two are gonna end up being blacklisted from almost all retail establishments within a ten kilometer radius. Tell them to settle down."
"Like they'd listen to me," Taehyun laughs hollowly, the sound foreign even to his own ears. He can feel Yeonjun stiffen against him. He winces and presses himself even closer, face hidden right in the center of Yeonjun's chest. "I think I'm tired. It's been a long day."
And it had been a long day, hadn't it?
They had started moving in at 6 AM. Had settled three fights between Soobin and Beomgyu before 10 AM. Had struggled with the moving truck and movers for a good two hours, missing lunch entirely, and then had to deal with an equally pissed and impatient Jungkook hyung and Jimin hyung who were upset that (word for word) "their babies had to miss lunch". Yeonjun had shooed Taehyun out with the boys, telling them to escape to Ikea, while he settled the hyungs down — and, rather than catching a break, Taehyun had been handed a death sentence for his relationship with Choi Yeonjun instead.
It's totally different from dating. It's an entirely different ball game.
Taehyun shudders again.
"Hey, earth to Taehyun," Yeonjun murmurs, lips grazing Taehyun's forehead tenderly. "Why don't you go take a shower and then come out and eat, hm? Dinner's almost ready. Then you can relax. We can unwind."
"You'll eat with me?" Taehyun asks quietly, voice small.
Yeonjun's fingers are in his hair as he replies, just as softly, "Of course, baby. I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me now."
Taehyun's heart leaps into his throat and, pained, he wonders if he'll die like this, choking on their brand new kitchen floor.
/
He does not, in fact, die.
Instead, he showers dutifully. Uses the new shampoo and conditioner set that Jimin hyung had gifted them as a housewarming present. Dries off and dresses in one of Yeonjun's shirts, taking it out of their dresser in their new apartment in their new bedroom, and then sits on the living room floor to unpack the pieces to the stupid bookcase that had caused all of his distress at Ikea to begin with.
"You can do it later, Tae," Yeonjun calls from the kitchen, already ladling up their dinner into two bowls. "Eat first!"
Taehyun shakes his head, still numb, even after the shower. He had been hoping that it'd snap him up out of this stupor, but he finds that his body is still floating somewhere up on the ceiling.
Maybe being useful would help, instead.
"No, I can do it. I can finish this," Taehyun insists, deft fingers sorting through the pieces in front of him. Smoothing out the crumpled instruction sheet.
Yes, Taehyun could do this.
He had a set of instructions. He had diagrams. He had all the pieces.
Taehyun is good at this, after all. He's good at puzzles. He's good at solving things, when he's given a map or a key or some kind of godforsaken way of solving the problem in front of him. Taehyun is very good at this. It's one of the things that Yeonjun had always loved about him, after all.
Yes, he's smart. He's resourceful. He can do—
"Ow!" Taehyun yelps loudly when the diagram sheet slices across his thumb. The papercut is unexpected and Taehyun drops the paper, as if burned, and holds his hand to his chest.
He can hear the clatter of bowls being set down before he actually sees Yeonjun appear in front of him. He moves so quickly that Taehyun barely has time to catch his own breath before Yeonjun has pulled his arm towards him, large hands firm around his wrist, holding his hand up for inspection.
The cut is small, and a drop of blood is gathered at the worst of it.
Yeonjun immediately grabs a tissue to press to the cut, his hold so steady that Taehyun is torn between wanting to melt into him in gratitude or disappear altogether from embarrassment.
Even with an instruction sheet, he still is a failure, he realizes.
Oh god, what is he thinking?
"Oh god, what am I thinking?" Taehyun actually blurts out loud.
Yeonjun stares at him, eyes wild, the worry still evident in his face as he cradles Taehyun's hand in his.
"What? Does it hurt a lot? Are you okay? What can I do?"
The questions come all at once, a slew of words, Yeonjun's tongue tumbling over vowels and consonants as he tries to control his concern. Taehyun shrinks under his gaze. He hadn't meant to say it out loud.
He apparently can't do anything right today.
But he's come this far.
Fuck it.
"I can't build this!"
Yeonjun, expression more bewildered than wild now, stares at him in confusion. The words take a second to register and Taehyun's palms feel sweaty all over again.
"...What?"
"I can't build furniture!" Taehyun repeats, more loudly this time. His voice is too loud, pitchy and squeaky and cracking. It echoes in the otherwise silent apartment and Taehyun becomes overwhelmingly aware of how alone they truly are. There are no buffers here. There is no Kai laughing in the corner, there is no Soobin mediating in the kitchen.
It's just Yeonjun and Taehyun, on their own, and Taehyun has a stupid papercut and he can't do anything right today.
"I can't build furniture. I can't cook. I actually have never done laundry by myself and I don't like going to the dry cleaners because I never know how to answer when they ask me how much starch I want or not," Taehyun can't be stopped, now. "I bought a bill organizer but I don't even know what bills I should be expecting yet and I don't know what to do with lightbulbs or batteries after they've been changed and I don't want your mom to come over and see that there's nothing in the fridge because then she'll worry and —"
"Taehyun, breathe."
What?
"Taehyun."
Oh, Taehyun isn't breathing. The fact registers a second too late and Taehyun, face red, inhales a loud gulp of air, cutting off his rant. He's not sure if he had even said full sentences. He's not sure if he's making any sense.
Still, Yeonjun does not turn away from him.
He does not let go of his hand, either.
Carefully, he pulls Taehyun closer. Pulls him in, in, in until Taehyun is curled up into his lap, both sitting on the floor, now, surrounded by Ikea furniture pieces and bubble wrap. He covers Taehyun with his entire body, all broad shoulders and long arms, and holds him as close as possible.
Holds him still, until Taehyun stops shivering.
Taehyun isn't sure how much time passes like this, until his heart finally begins to beat steadily again. His ears are still muffled, as if full of cotton, but he can hear the sound of soup bubbling on the stove just fine so he assumes he'll be alright.
Yeonjun reaches up to card gentle fingers through his hair, palm warm against the back of Taehyun's neck.
"You with me, now?" Yeonjun murmurs quietly.
Taehyun nods jerkily.
Yeonjun tightens his other arm around his waist, his voice lower, rumbling deep in his chest. It's the voice he usually saves for Taehyun when he wants to be Serious. The voice he used when he'd first told Taehyun he loved him. Taehyun curls into the sound, trying to wrap himself into it; into the stark sincerity of it. The solid steadiness of it.
"Is this… are these the things that have been stressing you out all day?"
Taehyun's voice is so small that he wonders, faintly, if Yeonjun will even be able to hear him.
(It's a silly thought, really. Yeonjun always hears him. Yeonjun is always listening.)
"Soobin hyung… told me that he used to fight with Jungkook hyung a lot. What if we fight? What if you get angry with me?" Then, more afraid: "We've… never fought before."
Yeonjun hums in response, mulling over the words.
Taehyun tries to be brave and continues before he can reply.
"What if you stop loving me? What if you realize I'm dumb and can't build furniture and have bad breath in the morning? What if I steal all the blankets at night? What if I complain when you don't come home in time for dinner or bother you when you should be rehearsing or get short with you when I'm stressed from exams?"
Yeonjun hums again and, when he begins to pull back, Taehyun feels as though he's been doused in a bucket of cold water. He scrambles frantically for better grip, drowning, but, still, Yeonjun pushes back. Pushes away.
He pushes himself just far back enough so that Taehyun has no choice but to face him, no longer hiding in the folds of his shirt. His eyes are watery when they meet Yeonjun's (drowning, definitely drowning) and he has never felt more out of his depth than he does in that single moment.
"Taehyun," Yeonjun begins, voice steady, unwavering, as if he's completely unaware of the fact that Taehyun is drowning in his arms as he speaks. His hands drift down to his hips, warm and steady when they anchor themselves there. "We can't prepare for every single situation. We're going to fight. That's just life."
"I know," Taehyun's voice is wobbly when he replies, the wave inside of him threatening to overflow onto everything, ruining their entire new apartment in one blow. "I know we can't. I just wish I could. I like being prepared. I need to be prepared. I feel like… I feel like I'm showing up for an exam but have no idea what the subject is. I have no idea what I'm doing."
Yeonjun gaze is thoughtful, one hand rising up to cup Taehyun's cheek in his palm.
"You know what the subject is. You know me. And I know you."
"But I don't know you angry," Taehyun insists tearfully, the words coming out brittle. "I don't know what things you're going to dislike about me, yet. I don't know how I'll convince you to keep loving me, when you find those things."
This time, Yeonjun laughs. The sound is loud, echoing in their empty apartment, startling Taehyun in his lap. He jumps but, still, one hand holds him in place. Yeonjun smooths his thumb over Taehyun's cheek as he lets his laughter taper off, quiet footsteps that are trying to find the right path to take. The right road to travel.
"I could say the same for you, Tae," Yeonjun grins wryly, his lips twisted with a strangely familiar kind of wistfulness. Taehyun wonders if this is what Yeonjun sees in his face, too. Wonders if this is how he looks right now. "You're gonna find things that you hate about me. Things that are gonna grate on your nerves and drive you crazy and make you wish that you never asked me to live together in the first place. But…"
"But?" Taehyun whispers, holding his breath. Nervous. Afraid.
"...But then we're both gonna calm down. And then we're gonna work it out."
Taehyun finally pushes back in despair, hands thrown up, feeling as useless as he had in that Ikea kitchen display all over again.
"But how do we work it out!"
Yeonjun pulls him back in, cradling him to his chest, gaze warm and hazy as he stares at him through his lashes. He pushes long fingers through Taehyun's hair and smiles faintly when he catches sight of Taehyun's teeth chewing a hole into his bottom lip. He smooths his thumb over the curve of Taehyun's mouth and drops a kiss there before Taehyun can gnaw himself to nervous pieces again.
"How about this. Instead of coming up with an entire to-do manual for every single possible situation that could ever possibly happen while we live together," Yeonjun takes a breath, dramatically winded. Taehyun doesn't want to laugh but he huffs out an exasperated sigh despite himself. Yeonjun seems to take it as a win. "How about… we set up some ground rules instead"
"Like… like math? Set rules. Set logic. And then apply them?"
Yeonjun's face softens into something awfully endeared but Taehyun is deathly serious. Yeonjun indulges him.
"Sure, baby. Like math."
"Okay. What are they?"
"First…" Yeonjun's expression turns thoughtful. Soft. His gaze drifts from Taehyun's as he stares at the wall behind him. Taehyun wishes he could crawl into the space between his ears and see what he's seeing. Wishes he could be useful, too. "First, we sleep in the same bed. Always. No going to bed mad. No sleeping on the couch and shutting down. No staying out all night without letting the other person know."
Taehyun feels small when he replies, "Okay."
"Second," Yeonjun continues. "Always text for meals. I'll let you know when I'll be in for dinner, you let me know when you'll be in too. We can put up a calendar on the fridge, so that you'll know where I'm at and I'll know where you'll be. Deal?"
Taehyun feels a little braver now. This, he can handle. This, he can do.
"Deal."
"And lastly…" Yeonjun, this time, chews on his own bottom lip instead. Taehyun stares at his mouth before he can stop himself, fixated on the pink bottom lip caught between Yeonjun's teeth before he continues. "Lastly, we follow the five points of success. Every night and after every fight. Whenever we need the reminder."
Five points of success?
Taehyun is startled out of his stupor, tearing his gaze away from Yeonjun's mouth to stare up at him, confused, instead.
"What's that?"
Yeonjun grins again — full and wide and his mouth wonderfully pink.
And then, without answering Taehyun just yet, he leans in.
He presses a kiss to Taehyun's forehead.
"One," he counts off, voice as deliberate and stern as Jungkook hyung is when they're at the gym, counting off reps.
He presses another kiss to Taehyun's left cheek.
"Two."
Understanding begins to dawn on Taehyun, slowly. Like a gently rising sunrise, warm and soft and bright, clearing out the shadows of the night slowly, slowly, slowly.
Yeonjun presses another kiss to his right cheek.
This time Taehyun counts for him instead, voice just as soft, breaking like morning daylight, "Three."
Yeonjun's grin is blindingly bright.
He drops a kiss to the tip of Taehyun's nose.
"Four," they say together, Taehyun's voice less brittle now. Yeonjun's voice more sure.
When Yeonjun leans in to press a kiss to his mouth, Taehyun is ready. He kisses him back squarely, mouth soft and pliant beneath his, a promise caught between his lips.
Five.
"The five points of success," Yeonjun breathes out, barely pulling back, his forehead pressed to Taehyun's, instead, hands soft around his face. Taehyun lets him stay exactly where he is, reaching up to cover his hands with his own. Squeezes them gently. A silent thank you. A silent I love you .
"Promise me that we can follow those three rules, Taehyun," Yeonjun murmurs, the words unbearably soft. "Let's follow those rules first and then see how you feel."
Taehyun nods, suddenly shy.
"I promise."
Maybe Yeonjun is right, Taehyun thinks distantly, as Yeonjun slides a warm palm down his cheek, down the back of his neck, drifting to his waist and finding purchase at his hips. They don't know everything about living together — and they will inevitably fight — but maybe… maybe…
With Yeonjun's hands soft against his skin, the smell of soup wafting from the kitchen, and the apartment feeling unbearably full of them — just them — Taehyun wonders if they'll be able to figure it out regardless.
After all, he knows Yeonjun.
He knows all of his colors, his sounds, his emotions. This is not a man who will hurt him. This is a man, with Taehyun's heart in his hands. A man who is willing to work on this together, after all.
/
Beomgyu sprawls out on their couch, sleepy and very, very openly jealous, as Yeonjun putters around in the kitchen, fixing Taehyun's hot chocolate and a coffee for himself. Taehyun is in the corner, putting on a record that he knows Yeonjun likes to play on lazy Saturday mornings just like this.
"You know, I really don't know what the fuss was all about with Jungkook hyung and Soobin, now," Beomgyu says suddenly, voice thick with sleep.
Soobin rears up to throw a pillow at his head but Beomgyu is still hungover from the late night last night, and Kai seems to recognize it, immediately kicking the pillow out of reach and pulling a careful hand through Beomgyu's hair, instead, nodding soothingly.
"Seriously, man," Kai agrees. "You guys have been living together for what… six? Seven months now? Have you guys even fought once yet?"
"You know," Beomgyu hums nonchalantly. "If there was a guarantee that we'd end up like you two, then I'd probably just ask Kai to live with me too."
Kai begins to choke on air, his hand frozen, fingers still curled around a lock of Beomgyu's hair. Soobin snorts from the next couch over.
As Kai buffers like a computer in error, Taehyun takes this moment to settle down onto the floor, smiling when the music begins wafting out into the apartment properly. Yeonjun settles down next to him, pressing the mug into Taehyun's hands, knee warm and solid against his. Taehyun drapes himself over Yeonjun's lap, careful not to jostle the drinks in either of their hands, and shrugs.
"We fight all the time. Soobin hyung was right, it's hard work," he sniffs, taking a slow sip of his drink.
Kai seems to be rebooting now, slowly regaining function in his hands. He jerkily continues to stroke Beomgyu's hair, nervous and stilted. Taehyun rolls his eyes.
"Yeah, I think we fought over laundry last night before you guys even came over," Yeonjun agrees evenly, raising a brow at Taehyun. They both can see that Beomgyu's ears have gone red, despite his feigned nonchalance, as he clearly tests the waters. They let him.
If it's right, it's right, Taehyun muses to himself.
But maybe he'd throw Beomgyu and Kai a bone.
"It's a lot of hard work, but it's worth it. If you guys really want to consider moving in together, then I'll let you know what our secret is," Taehyun lifts his chin up, mouth more whipped cream than anything else. Yeonjun leans in, kissing it off with an easy laugh, ignoring Soobin's groans of no PDA in the morning!!!
"What's… your secret?" Kai finally ventures, fully functioning again. His ears have also gone a remarkable shade of red.
Taehyun can only smile in response. Catches Yeonjun's gaze in his, licks the remainder of the cream from his lips. Feels sweet and full and warm, preening from Yeonjun's attention and feeling unbearably, overwhelmingly proud of their hard, hard work.
"We know the five points to success."