Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first thing she noticed was that she slept well. Really well. The kind of slumber where you feel perfectly awake and ready to go before you even open your eyes. Her bed was even more comfortable than usual, and the sun was...coming from the wrong direction?

Kara opened her eyes to find that her ceiling was not her ceiling. Gone were the exposed bricks. It was still a high ceiling, something that Kara always loved about her loft, but the crown molding and pristinely painted white was not what she was supposed to be looking at. Sitting up, she discovered that she was definitely not in her bed and definitely not in her loft, the place where she definitely remembered falling asleep last night.

It was a bedroom that she knew for certain she’d never been in before, but it was strangely familiar. Wide open and curved, but not entirely circular. That was the only thing that kept her from thinking she was having a lucid dream of her old bedroom on Krypton. Instead, she could see it was a merge of the sleek minimalism of Earth architecture with towering ceilings and walls of glass that allowed an extraordinary amount of sunlight.

Looking out the windows, Kara gasped and jumped out of bed. She stepped right up to the glass, resting her hand on the sun warmed pane. Wherever this was, this place, it seemed to be on some hillside or mountaintop. The sun was rising over National City. It blanketed the room in a warm, golden hue. Kara could feel the strength of the yellow sun growing stronger as it infused the cells of her body in that invigorating tingle that went straight down her spine and sparked something even deeper within.

It was large and lovely, but a touch too…different for a bedroom on Earth. It stirred something much too familiar, too close to memories long gone. Stunning floor to ceiling windows mirrored both sides of the room. A forest behind her, the city in front of her. Kara gazed around in wonder. It wasn’t the oval shape of her family home in Argo City, but instead of intersecting at the corners the way almost all Western architecture did, it seemed to blend somehow. The slightest softening of the corners and extensive exposure to sunlight gave an otherworldly feel to what was otherwise a normal bedroom on Earth.

Never did she think she would see something like this here. If it wasn’t for the yellow sun and National City’s skyline, she might have dared to wonder… But then that would mean this was a dream and this did not feel like a dream.

The windows were so large and expansive, she was surprised she didn’t feel more exposed, like she would if this was the city, but she wasn't in the city anymore.

She also wasn't alone.

Kara zeroed in on the sound of someone moving downstairs. Only one other person in this building with her as far as she could tell. They were huffing and straining. She heard them slap the floor with their palm in frustration. Snatching a pair of her glasses off the nightstand, she carefully exited the bedroom and found herself in a spacious hallway. Following it, she reached a stairwell, and slowly made her way down, body taught with hands curled into fists as she readied herself for whatever attack might come. It opened into a sprawling living room where she could see the kitchen on the far left and a dining room on the opposite side.

There was a woman on her hands and knees on the floor. She seemed to be trying to reach something underneath the couch that was proving elusive.

Lena.

Without thinking, Kara sped to her side and lifted the couch almost completely off the floor. Lena snatched her heel with a small cry of victory. Kara put the couch back down while Lena stood, putting the shoe on to match the other she was already wearing.

Kara sighed in relief. Finally! Lena could explain what was happening. Maybe there was an alien threat and the DEO had to relocate Lena to a safehouse? If this was a safehouse, Kara was going to be supremely annoyed that they’d kept a gorgeous place like this under wraps after all these years. But if that was the case then why didn’t she remember any of it?

Lena smiled widely at her, seemingly unconcerned in the slightest, and before Kara could even open her mouth, she walked right up and kissed her.

Kara froze.

“My hero,” Lena teased and her gaze flickered down. She chuckled, using her thumb to swipe off some of her lipstick from Kara’s mouth before breezing past her. The light click of her heels on the hardwood floors echoed in Kara’s ears.

Her brain was short circuiting. She didn’t dare move…hardly even breathed.

This was a dream after all. It had to be. She was having a very realistic, but totally implausible dream. The shoe stuck under the couch was probably a metaphor or symbolic for something right? It wasn’t like she’d never had dreams before where weird things like this happened with Lena. Should she pinch herself?

But somewhere in the back of her racing mind, she heard Lena say something about running late for a meeting and tried to bring herself back to the present. Even if it were a dream, it would be so rude not to pay attention to Lena.

“Lunch at my office today,” Lena was saying as she walked through the kitchen, “I don't care how busy it is at Catco or even if the building's on fire.” She looked at Kara over her shoulder. “You can't make promises like you did last night then stand me up...” The sly grin and suggestive tone had Kara in a full body blush even though she had no idea what Lena was talking about.

She just knew it wasn't what they should be talking about.

Lena, however, didn’t seem to think there was anything odd at all as she whirled around this strange house with practiced familiarity, picking up her coat, purse, and looking for something that eventually turned out to be her cellphone.

“Order us something that you know I would never get for myself. I'll need every trick in the book to lift my mood after dealing with these pricks for the next three hours.”

Kara was dumbstruck at how this was playing out, but Lena was about to disappear out the door and she knew she was going to lose her chance to say anything at all. She finally managed to get her brain working enough to open her mouth and called out to her.

Lena looked back curiously, door open, hand on the handle. “Hm?”

It was on the tip of her tongue.

It really was.

Kara wanted to ask her just what the hell was going on, what world had she just woken up in, and why was Lena acting...like this, but when she looked at her, all she could see was how bright and unburdened Lena was. The new day's sunlight poured in from behind her and Lena was...

She couldn't bring herself to do it.

“I...I just wanted to wish you luck,” she said with an honest-to-Rao smile that showed she meant it. “I hope you have a good day.”

Lena smiled back, a small crease in her forehead at why Kara seemed so serious, but she didn't question it further. “Thank you, darling. It’ll be a good day when I see you again later.”

When the door closed behind her, Kara exhaled so hard that she accidentally shifted everything in the living room three inches over.

Her suit still materialized from her glasses, thankfully, and Kara flew to what should have been the DEO building...but it wasn’t there.

Oh. Right.

She’d forgotten that the battle with Leviathan had leveled the DEO skyscraper. But the rubble from the destruction that only occurred a week ago had already been cleared away. Kara landed on the ground where the building once stood and was dumbfounded. This should have been an ugly massacre of glass, steel, and concrete. Craters in the ground from the impact. Instead, she was standing in a beautifully landscaped park with a number of children running around a playground while adults strolled down pathways lined with trees, flowers, and benches. Quiet conversations and youthful laughter. There was a wrought iron arch over the entrance: ARGO CITY PARK. Kara found herself looking up at a statue of Supergirl. Smaller than the one by the waterfront, but much more detailed. Her hands were on her hips, the cape frozen in the air majestically behind her as she stared ahead with a closed mouth, gentle, and a – dare she say it – heroic looking smile on her lips.

A young cry startled her.

“Supergirl!”

Utterly bewildered, Kara waved to the little girl, but left before any others could join in. What universe had she landed in? None of this made any sense. The multiverse had been destroyed. She couldn’t be in an alternate reality and this was much too real to be a dream. So where did that leave her?

Alex. She needed to find Alex.

Flying with near frantic desperation, she went to Alex’s studio, only to find that Alex didn't live there anymore. Without thinking, she sped off to her own loft and her stomach lurched at the sight. She walked through her apartment that she’d only just gone to sleep in last night and nothing was the same. Any furniture left was draped while almost everything else was cleared out. It looked as though it hadn’t been used in years. A glorified storage space.

Panic started to set in.

J’onn. She could find J’onn.

And there she was able to breathe her first sigh of relief. The Tower was still operational. More than that. It’d gotten a pretty cool makeover, not to mention a mind-blowingly impressive tech upgrade, but it was still the Tower and there was still her name on the call button. Kara was relieved to know that at least one place she remembered still bore her name as it should. There were other names added on alongside hers that she didn’t recognize, but she ignored that. Now she was even more determined to find answers for this new world. There had to be someone, somewhere who would know her, who would know what was happening. Unfortunately, J’onn was nowhere to be found. That left Kara with the last place she could think of.

After a quick change into the clothes she managed to grab off the floor in the bedroom before she left, she walked into Catco Plaza. Once on the elevator, pressing the familiar button, she took a small breath in respite.

Here was one thing that hadn't changed. The building still looked and felt the way it was supposed to. The elevator even smelled the same.

Ugh. Kara scrunched her nose at the thought. The situation had to be desperate if she was relieved by the smell of a highly trafficked elevator.

But the moment she stepped out onto the main floor of Catco, her respite came to an abrupt halt. Staff accosted her from all sides. Some were people she knew, some were complete strangers, but they all seemed to need something from her. They were talking a mile a minute, crowding around her, asking for things like approval on ads to run, reminding her of staff meetings, running down a list of calls she needed to return, and so on.

Nia, a blessedly familiar face in this strange world where people were under the wildly mistaken belief that Kara was in charge of this sort of thing, pulled her away from the gaggle and into Andrea’s office.

Except it didn’t look anything like what Andrea had turned it into and it wasn’t the same as when it was Cat's office either. The only thing that remained unchanged was the wall of glass that looked out over the bustling media floor.

“Nia!” Kara gasped and clutched her arm before hugging her so tightly that Nia exhaled in a giant whoosh. “Oh, thank goodness. Someone I can talk to!”

“You’re so late!” she exclaimed reprovingly after disentangling and catching her breath. “You missed the news meeting and everyone is at each other’s throats trying to make their claim on a story this week. Where have you been? If it was a Lena morning, why didn't you text me like usual so I could cover?”

“A...a what?” Kara squeaked, stammering as a very pointed blush creeping up her cheeks. “No. No! I mean, I don’t think so?” She shook her head, trying to gain some semblance of thought. “But where have I been? That’s a great question! Except I’ll do you one better - why is everyone acting like they need my approval for all these things?”

Nia, confoundingly, just laughed. “Eventually you’re going to accept that you’re the boss now, Kara. It’s been a year already and you’re great at it. When are you going to let it go?”

This could not be happening.

Kara fiddled her with glasses nervously, trying to suppress the panic bubbling up inside her. “I’m...I’m the what?”

Nia rolled her eyes. “Alright, lady. I’ll leave you to your cognitive dissonance. But you really need to get a hold of the reporters before they eat each other alive. Can I assume that my piece on the gentrification of Alien City Fashion District is still a go?”

Kara couldn’t make head nor tails of it.

“Uh. I mean, yeah? Yes! Sure.”

“Great! Thanks. I’ll get back to it, boss.”

“W-wait!” She gulped, scrambling to find some solution.

Nia seemed trapped in this...illusion as well. Nia and Lena. What were the chances that Alex, if Alex existed here, would be any different? But she had to try.

“I’m...I’m having a bit of an off day. I left my phone at home and I... Could I borrow yours for a second?”

“Of course!” She whipped it out and unlocked it, handing it to her.

“Thank you! I’ll just be a minute.” She scrolled through the contacts to find Alex’s name and called her.

She tried to be mindful of how hard she was gripping the phone as she waited. Crushing Nia’s phone to smithereens would not be helpful right now. Then that blessedly familiar, wonderful, amazing voice of her sister filtered through.

“Nia, what’s up?”

“Actually, it’s me. Hi!”

“Kara?” She could hear the concern laced with amusement. “Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you lost your phone again.”

“Well, I don’t think I technically lost it…” Nia raised an eyebrow but Kara just waved her off. “It’s probably back at…” She stumbled as the memory of the house, and Lena in that house, sat itself vividly front and center. What was she supposed to call it? “My place…somewhere.”

“Kara! This is the 3rd time in 4 months. Do we have to surgically attach a comm device to your ear now?”

“That is a complete overreaction!” she said reflexively. “I didn’t even really lose it. I don’t think I did anyway… But that’s not the point! Do you have a minute to talk?”

“Talk?” Alex’s tone turned serious. “Yes, of course. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah! I think so. Maybe?”

“Kara…” There was increasing concern in her sister’s voice now.

“I’ll explain when I see you! Um. Where are you?”

“At work,” she replied carefully. “Where else would I be?”

“So, the DEO. Okay. Uh.” Kara winced. “C-could you remind me what the address is again?”

Nia was talking to another employee when Kara shoved the phone back in her hands and rushed by with a whirl of apologies and vague excuses about how she’d be right back.

Alex was at the new DEO headquarters that was located just outside of the city. Kara flew in apprehensively, scanning the building as she went. It looked a lot like the old DEO. Just a new location. Thankfully, they did not revert to being stationed in a cave again.

Stupid bats...

Alex strode up to her with that intensely familiar look of concern. “I know it’s been a while since you’ve been here, Kara, but forgetting the address? Just because you’re turning 35 soon doesn’t mean you’re going senile.”

Honestly, Kara barely even heard her. She was just so relieved to see her sister after the strangeness of this morning and yanked her into a massive hug. Of course, that’s how Alex knew something was really wrong.

“Come on.” She tilted her head in one direction and led Kara through a maze of identical looking hallways until they were sequestered in a private room. She closed the door and hit a button on the panel that seemed to cut off all room surveillance. “Okay, talk to me. What happened?”

Kara immediately launched into it, explained everything, and left nothing out. Alex was her sister. She had to know something. She had to be able to help even if this illusionary world had her brainwashed too. She could always count on Alex to pull herself out. She had to make her remember.

“Wait, wait, whoa.” Alex’s eyes were wide as she held out her hands for Kara to slow down. “You're telling me that the last thing you remember is defeating…Lex and Lillian?”

“Yes!” Kara cried, pacing the length of the room. “We all went for drinks to celebrate at Al's and then I went home, totally exhausted, and went to sleep. When I woke up...everything was...like this!”

Alex took a deep breath. “So you’re telling me that you don’t remember anything from the last six years?”

Kara spun around on her, heart hammering in her chest.

“What are you talking about?”

“Lex and Lillian…” she replied slowly, “are gone. Lex died rather than be captured and Lillian is in supermax. We defeated them six years ago.”

Kara shook her head, bewildered. “No… No, that can’t be right. That’s not possible. It just happened yesterday! That’s…”

The look on Alex’s face was too grave to deny.

Serious. Worried. Resolved.

Kara looked closer and realized that the wrinkles around her sister's eyes were a little more pronounced than she remembered. Her hair was longer than it had been in years. She couldn’t have grown it out that much overnight. Everything started to click into place. It all made so much more sense.

Well, some things made more sense.

The other things were still as stymieing and mystifying as all get out. Having memory loss certainly did not explain what she woke up to this morning. It just couldn’t.

“You really don’t remember anything else?”

“No.” Kara managed to stop pacing and faced her with arms folded tightly. “Though, I mean, it explains why I moved and, wow, did I get a major promotion...and a park! National City likes me a lot more now apparently.” She moved closer curiously. “Have we gotten over the aliens versus humans thing? Did we achieve world peace? Oh!” She clapped her hands suddenly. “Did Frank Ocean finally release a new album?”

Alex’s look was scathing as ever. “Seriously?”

“Okay, forget the last one.”

Her sister sighed, still very much alarmed, but tried to answer her (relevant) questions calmly. “After the DEO sky-rise was destroyed, we rebuilt here. Lena bought the land where the old building was and developed it into a public park in honor of Supergirl.”

Kara’s heart sped up again.

“Lena…”

Alex grabbed her arm worriedly. “You don’t remember Lena?”

“Of course, I remember her! But I don’t...” She trailed off uncomfortably before leaning in conspiratorially. “Alex,” she whispered, “I think I might be dating Lena.”

The elder Danvers took a deep breath, scrubbing her face wearily. “You’re not dating Lena,” she muttered.

Kara exhaled in relief, giggling, and put her hand on her chest. “Oh, so we’re roommates? That’s fun! I mean, we were finally back on good terms and she forgave me, and I forgave her, and it was...it felt like it was going to be okay, but I was still super nervous! Now it’s for sure that we're okay. Great! Cause this morning was really confusing and that would have made things way more complicated than— “

“You’re not dating Lena,” she cut her off, “you’re married.”

A beat.

Then Kara's cry was so shrill that Alex winced in pain.

“WHAT? Married! To who?”

Her sister was quickly losing what little patience she had left.

“Kara, you’re married to Lena Luthor. She’s your wife. You’ve been married for 4 years now. You live in that ridiculously gorgeous house because you said you didn't like penthouses and Lena wanted more room than your loft had. Plus, I’m pretty sure she wanted a bedroom with a door on it. Something about being an adult and whatnot. None of this rings a bell for you?”

Kara didn’t realize that she’d stopped breathing until Alex clapped her hard on the back to snap her out of it.

“I’m...I’m...”

“Just keep breathing,” she said calmly.

“I don’t...”

“You’re going to be okay.”

“Alex!” she cried. “How...HOW IS THIS HAPPENING?”

“No, no, no. Stop right there," she pleaded, holding her hands up. "You are not going to freak out about this. Because then I'm gonna freak out more and that can't happen right now.”

"W-w-well too bad!" she spluttered frantically. "Because I am FULLY freaking out! I’m married? To Lena. My best friend. Well, former best friend turned enemy turned temporary ally… And I don’t remember any of it!”

“I just want to take this moment to point out that you’re happily married, so...just consider that too while you're processing, okay?”

“I DON’T REMEMBER ANY OF THIS!”

“We’ll figure it out!” Alex grasped her shoulders tightly and gave her a shake. “I promise, Kara. We will figure out what happened and you will be fine. Let me get Brainy on this, all right? We’ll start running some tests and take it from there. We got this.”

Kara took deep gulping breaths, trying to calm herself. “Yeah. Okay. That sounds good.”

When she released her grip from the table, it had two very noticeable handprints from where she crushed the metal.

They ran some preliminary tests. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Kara had Brainy check about ten times to be certain that she was actually from this Earth and not some parallel universe, even though the multiverse technically didn't exist anymore.

By the 5th time, Brainy was starting to lose his patience.

By the 10th, he begged her to leave him alone.

There were no residual particles to indicate a reality shift and no possibility that it could happen since there were no more alternate realities.

Brainy was saved from Kara insisting he check “just one more time” when Alex walked in and announced that there were no reports of Supergirl having any major encounters in the last 2 months.

“How have I not fought anyone in 2 months?” she replied in disbelief while Brainy scrambled for the exit. “I've had slow days, maybe once there was a slow week, but two months? No way!”

“The last thing was an earthquake in Tibet that you helped with, not a fight. You’re semi-retired now. We bring you in as the big gun. You've inspired a lot of people over the years, Kara, and several of them who have abilities decided to step up and become heroes themselves. We work with an elite team of superheroes that partnered with the DEO so they didn't have to go it alone as vigilantes. It’s really been amazing. And, because of that, you get to live a more normal life without having to fly into every emergency.”

“Wow..." She tried to consider it. "Kind of hard to imagine what that looks like.”

Alex had her sit down as they went through some more routine tests, but Kara's fidgeting was getting worse. Her nerves and restlessness becoming more apparent with each one they went through. While they were waiting on results, it made every second seem to tick by that much slower. She started pacing again while Alex was on a stool in front of a bunch of monitors. Seeing how it was affecting her, Alex shifted gears, and started talking in that casual, comfortable, easy tone that made it sound like they could have been on Kara's couch eating take out for Danvers sister night rather than in the DEO lab with countless agents she could see walking by on the other side of the glass wall.

“Hey. I know how scared you must feel and how overwhelming all of this must be, but we’re going to figure this out.” She smiled reassuringly. “And, just so you know, even though there's a lot that's changed over the years, this life? You’re happy. I mean, being CEO of Catco kind of drives you insane sometimes, but you even love that because you and Lena get to work together since you guys own it.”

“I own...I own Catco?”

Kara could only believe so much. This couldn’t be real. None of this could be real. Maybe she was trapped in her own mind again. Maybe Mxy was back and this was another twisted game of his. Because this just couldn’t…be real.

Could it?

“Well, you’re a majority share-holder,” Alex amended. “Lena gets pissy when we don’t use the ‘correct’ terminology. Whatever.” She rolled her eyes fondly. “She bought it back from Andrea soon after the Lex and Lillian thing was handled. Then she asked Sam to come back and help transition Luthor Corp back to L-Corp again - what a nightmare that was - while she stepped in as CEO of Catco. So, you know, equal distribution of assets between married couples...”

“So, I became CEO because I'm m-married to Lena?”

The word felt foreign and clumsy on her tongue.

“Sort of. You deserved it, but you refused to take the position for a while. You didn’t think you could handle it and wanted to stay a reporter, but Lena needed to devote her time to L-Corp again. You guys tried hiring a few acting CEO’s and it was basically a disaster each time. Lena finally put her foot down. I think she literally chained you to the CEO office using Nth metal one night. There’s more to that story, but I begged you to never tell me it.” She wrinkled her nose and closed her eyes. “As your sister there are things I just do not need to hear.”

Kara blushed about three different shades of red.

“But it really changed when Lena called in the big guns.”

Kara scoffed. “What because chaining me to the office wasn’t convincing enough?”

Alex tossed her a look. “You’re impossibly stubborn when you convince yourself of something, you know that.”

“Fine. So, what did Lena do?”

“She called Cat Grant.”

Kara gasped. “She didn’t!”

Alex laughed. “Cat flew in the next day and kicked your ass all over that building. Lena said she found you hiding in a storage closet at one point.”

“And now I am both owner— uh, majority share-holder—and CEO of Catco Worldwide Media.” She shook her head in disbelief. “No. This isn’t possible. None of this makes any sense! I would never agree to this! How can you be so calm? This is against everything we talked about, everything I have built for my life on Earth! We all agreed. Kara Danvers stays in the background. She doesn’t draw attention. She blends in. No one bats an eye for Kara Danvers. You know this, Alex!”

“I do know that.” She nodded sympathetically. “And…we thought it was the right thing to do. The only thing to do. Mom and Dad knew how it worked for Clark, so we all figured we just needed to do the same to protect you.”

“And now that’s changed?” she replied disbelievingly, but Alex only shrugged.

“Yeah. It did. Look, we didn’t know of another way back then. When all of this started happening, you know, with Lena and then Catco, the spotlight, we had this exact same conversation about a hundred different times. It came down to Lena making a really good point and Clark actually agreed with her, which had us all shocked, believe me.”

“Which was what?”

“There’s not much difference between living unknown in the shadows and living unknown by hiding in plain sight.”

“Are you-are you joking? That makes zero sense!” Kara cried, tugging her fingers through her hair. “Do you hear yourself?”

Alex took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. “The Luthors crossed paths with Bruce Wayne many times over the years. Do you know they never guessed his identity?”

“Who?” she asked blankly.

“Kate’s cousin.”

“Oh, yeah.” She nodded impatiently. “Okay. So?”

“Wayne Industries is one of the largest corporations on the world stage. You may not know his name, but everyone else does. His secret identity has never been revealed. Clark is good friends with him, apparently. He’s seen how you can live a life just as unknown with your face splashed on every magazine and newspaper as you can tucked away on a small farm in Kansas.”

“So you’re saying the way one random guy in a costume, a human, chose to live his life is the reason why I threw away everything I’ve been doing for the last 15 years?”

“It’s not just him," Alex retorted, exasperated. "Remember the President? She was under more scrutiny than anyone on Earth short of the Kardashians and she still wasn’t discovered--”

“Until Lex Luthor tried to have her assassinated and exposed her as an alien to the entire world? Cause that turned out so well…” Kara dropped down to a chair and crossed her arms pointedly, each word dripping with sarcasm.

Alex rolled her eyes. “Lex is gone and there are more examples, but the crux of it is we discovered that the more you opened yourself up to the media and publicity, the likelihood of people pointing to you as Supergirl was even less than when your name was only a byline in Catco magazine. The more that people see you as Kara Danvers, wife of Lena Luthor and CEO of Catco, there's less of a chance that they will even stop to consider that you could be Supergirl. It’s like their brains can’t put the two concepts together. They don’t recognize you even when your picture is blown up next to Supergirl’s on a billboard!”

Alex shook her head with a tired wave of her hand.

“I know it’s crazy and it’s still crazy to me, but apparently it’s something to do with, like, reverse psychology or whatever. I don’t know. Brainy or Lena could explain it better. I just know that it’s worked. I actually worry less about people finding out about your identity now than I do about paparazzi falling over themselves trying to catch you and Lena in some kind of domestic scandal.”

Kara stared at her unblinkingly.

“I’m serious!”

She’d never had a headache before, but she could swear one was forming now and it hurt. Kara pinched the bridge of her nose. “Rao, Alex. This is...a lot.”

Her sister squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“I just don't understand. Why can’t I remember? If I'd fought something otherworldly, maybe it could be a virus, or if there was a bad guy, maybe we could say they tried to poison me. Something! Anything! But you're saying nothing happened. Did someone put the equivalent of a Kryptonite roofie in my coffee?”

“We’re going to figure it out,” she repeated firmly. “Give us time.”

Time.

Kara had this lingering feeling that there was somewhere she was supposed to be. But that was ridiculous. She couldn’t remember anything from the past six years, but apparently knew there was an appointment to make today? Her gaze landed on the clock on the wall.

“Oh, no!” She gasped and jumped to her feet. “I’m supposed to meet Lena for lunch! I promised her I would. I mean, I think I did? She told me that I did so I'm pretty sure I did.” Her hands moved through the air in a flurry. “I have to go!”

“Wait, Kara, no, that’s not a good ide— “

But Alex was talking to an empty room.

“Oh, God,” she groaned.

Chapter Text

Kara knocked, peering through the crack in the door, her stomach a sea of nerves, and waited until Lena looked up from her computer screen. The biggest smile spread across her face when she saw her and it was enough to quell the nerves a bit. She walked in holding up a bag of Big Belly Burger in one hand and a tray of milkshakes in the other.

“I hope this fulfills your request?”

"Perfectly." Lena stood up with a chuckle. “God, it’s been ages since we’ve had this! How is it that you always know exactly what I need?”

She came closer and Kara catapulted into a state of extreme panic. Lena's not-so-subtle insinuations of what Kara's promises were from this morning still weighed heavily on her mind and she had no idea what to do. When Lena leaned in to kiss her hello, Kara all but dove to the other side of the office and devolved into high pitched, manic giggling, like someone who belonged in a psych ward.

Lena was...perplexed.

“Is everything all right?”

“Yeah! Totally! Why do you ask? I’m starved. Let’s eat!”

She was still giggling in a totally not normal or at all calm way when Lena walked back to her desk to look at something. Taking a deep breath, Kara emptied out the bag and mentally yelled at herself to get it under control. Just because she didn’t remember a huge chunk of her own life right now didn't mean that she had to act like a lunatic. She just had to find a way to explain to Lena what was happening, and she knew the other woman would be understanding. At least...she hoped she would be. They were clearly on better terms than ever before, right? Kara swallowed hard. Maybe the milkshakes would help ease them into it.

So focused on her own internal battle, she happened to miss the part where Lena pulled out a very sophisticated looking gun from under her desk and leveled it at her.

“Oh, wh-whoa!” She held her hands up in shock. “What the—!“

Lena leaned back against the edge of her desk casually, gun outstretched and aimed at Kara’s chest. “You’re going to tell me exactly who the hell you are and what the fuck you think you’re doing.”

“Le—"

“Oh, and if you think this is just your average handgun, you’ve severely underestimated me. Answer my questions or you’re going to find yourself with a two-foot hole in your chest from the energy blast.”

“It’s me! I swear! I know I’m acting a little off — a lot off — but I have a really good explanation for it. I-I was trying to figure out a way to tell you, but then this happened...” She gestured to the gun lamely.

“You have 5 seconds before I pull this trigger.”

“Lena!” she gasped. “I... Call Alex! She knows! She’ll tell you!”

Pursing her lips, she considered it, then with her free hand, she picked up her cell and put it on speaker. Her aim never wavered.

Alex picked up and before she could even say hello, Lena beat her to it. “Who the fuck is in my office?”

“Hi, Lena. I’m fine, how are you?” she replied calmly. “I assume you’re having lunch with Kara?”

“Alex!” she exclaimed. “Please explain—“

“Quiet!” Lena eyed Kara warningly. “Alex?”

“Yeah, it’s her. But she’s experiencing significant memory loss. Some kind of partial amnesia. We’re working on some theories right now and waiting for test results. If you want to lend a hand, we'd be more than happy to have you.”

“You’re certain?”

“Yes, we did full body scans, brain waves, the works.” Alex's voice grew gentle. “Lena, it’s Kara, it really is. I promise.”

Lena lowered the gun and Kara started to breathe normally again. She probably would have been fine against whatever it was, but with Lena...she’d learned the hard way to never underestimate her.

“I’ll be in touch,” Lena said simply and hung up. She placed the gun on her desk and folded her arms across her chest. “Partial amnesia?”

“Jeez, Lena, what was that about?” Kara smoothed down her shirt nervously. “When did you get so trigger happy?”

“After a shapeshifter came into our home pretending to be you and held me hostage for two days,” she replied curtly.

Kara’s eyes widened. “Oh.” Her voice softened immediately. “Oh, Lena, I’m so sorry... I had no idea.”

“Right,” she said tersely. “Well, I think you have some things you need to fill me in on.”

“I do. I totally do.” Kara nodded vigorously. “But...do you want to eat first? The fries are going to be soggy.”

It seemed to be the right thing to say because some of the tension in Lena’s body released and she gave her a small, fond smile.

“Yes, we can eat first.”

Lena was sitting back against the couch, deep in thought, while Kara sat across from her on a chair, noisily slurping the last bit of her milkshake.

“This morning must have been very strange for you,” she said quietly.

Kara put the empty cup down and nodded slightly.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I think I was in shock... A part of me was convinced that it was all a dream and I would wake up soon. But...”

“But what?” Lena finally looked up from her hands and Kara realized that she’d been toying with her wedding band, twisting it over and over.

Which made her look down at her matching own and her stomach did somersaults that were not entirely unpleasant.

She swallowed hard, ducking her head. “You looked so happy. I-I was going to say something, I swear! But you looked at me like...” She sighed. “I just couldn’t. Not then.”

Lena inhaled deeply, trying to accept that.

“So you really don’t remember anything from the last six years? Us? Any of it?”

“No. I-I mean, yes. Yes, I don't remember. I don’t know what happened to me. I went to sleep in my bed in my apartment then woke up...”

“In our bed.”

The tips of Kara’s ears burned. “Yeah,” she managed to squeak.

“I imagine that was quite a surprise.”

Kara nodded, unable to trust her voice with anything else at the moment.

“Are you really so repulsed to find out that we’re together?”

Kara’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head.

“No!” she cried and jumped up from her chair, almost leaping over the table to sit next to her on the couch. Instinctively, she reached out to take Lena's hand, but second guessed herself and brought it back to rest on her lap. “Oh, I-I, no. That’s not it.”

How could Lena possibly think that? How could she let it cross her mind for even a single solitary second?

Kara took a deep breath. “It’s just been really kind of jarring to go from you despising my existence, being so angry with me and hating me so much, for over a year and then literally just when we’ve reached a truce after taking down your mom and your brother, the next day I wake up to find out we’re married... I-It’s a lot to process. But I would never be ‘repulsed’,” she choked on the word. “Rao, Lena!” She exhaled in wonderment, eyes wide as saucers. “It’s you. I’m...I’m experiencing a lot of emotions right now. Can you understand that?”

She still didn’t meet her eyes, holding her hands together so tightly that her fingers were turning white. “When you put it that way...”

Kara sighed. “Will you-- Would you be willing to help Alex and Brainy find out what happened to me? I hate this. I hate not knowing all that happened. I hate that I’ve hurt you.”

Again.

Lena looked up sharply. “You haven’t hurt me, Kara. You’ve done nothing wrong. And, of course, I’m going to help. We’ll get to the bottom of this. Give me a few minutes to clear my schedule and then you can fly me to the DEO.”

She managed a grateful smile at that. “Okay.”

Lena went back to her desk, talking to her assistant over the intercom and shot off a few emails. Kara eyed the gun that was still on her desk with unease. Knowing that Lena had to take such extreme measures to protect herself had her stomach in knots. When Lena glanced over and caught her staring, she seemed apologetic, but didn’t say anything. Instead she took the gun and put it back into its hidden compartment under her desk.

It was Kara who apologized and Lena looked up at her in surprise.

“Whatever for?”

She crossed her arms tightly, looking at the floor with her mouth contorted almost angrily. “That I haven’t done a better job of protecting you.”

Lena sighed at that as she closed her laptop and rounded the desk to stand in front of Kara. She seemed to want to hug her, but caught herself at the last second and instead tugged at her fingers anxiously while standing inches away.

“I guess you don’t remember, but we’ve had this conversation before. Many...many times. It all comes down to this - I knew exactly what kind of life I was choosing when I married you, Kara, and I have never once regretted it. There’s always a danger in being close to Supergirl, but somehow, in all those conversations, you also manage to forget just how dangerous my life already was by being a Luthor. In fact, I have a compelling case for how much safer my life is because of you. I even developed a lifespan prediction using data compilations of a timeline without Supergirl versus a timeline with her. And I’m here to tell you that every projection shows I live a hell of a lot longer when you’re in my life. Not to mention I’m happier for it.”

Kara shook her head in bemusement. “Is it in a PowerPoint presentation?”

“Don’t mock.” Lena raised her chin. “I spent a full night working on it after one of those arguments because you were being infuriating with your stubborn clinging to the idea of being noble and trying to stay away from me for my own good.”

“Hm. How long did I last?”

“Half a day. It would have been less, but I had a meeting that morning that couldn’t be rescheduled.”

Kara giggled, ducking her head shyly. “Figures.”

“How so?”

She shrugged. “I’ve never been able to deny you anything, Lena.”

A slow, teasing grin spread across her lips. “Oh...that I do know."

Kara’s cheeks burned as she fiddled with her glasses, unable to meet Lena’s eyes, but felt oddly pleased despite it all.

“I’m finished here if you’re ready for the DEO?”

“Oh! Yes. Right. Totally. Um. One sec!"

She left the office in a hurry, which gave Lena just enough time to put on her jacket and lift her purse over her arm before Supergirl appeared on the balcony and pushed open the glass door from the outside.

"Your ride is here, Miss Luthor."

Lena couldn't help but shake her head. "I cannot believe you just said that."

"What?" Kara pouted. "Too corny?"

"Too something," she muttered and cleared her throat.

Kara had the distinct feeling that she was missing something, but couldn't dwell on it for long because Lena stepped so dizzyingly close that their bodies were nearly touching. She didn't understand why her heart was racing like this or why the scent of Lena's perfume was making her feel... No. She hesitated only for the briefest moment before making up her mind, scooped Lena into her arms, and shot into the sky.

Kara was sitting on the exam table, kicking her feet impatiently as she looked around the room. It was basically the same as the old DEO medical bay, with just an upgrade here and there. The building itself was smaller than the sky rise. She'd taken the liberty of scanning each floor in her boredom…twice. Alex was busy attending to her responsibilities as Director and Lena said she was going to check out what Brainy was working on because Brainy refused to be anywhere near Kara after how she 'tortured' him earlier.

Maybe she was too bored.

Because she started listening in to see if she could find anything of interest or maybe if they'd already figured out what was wrong with her but were too scared to tell her yet.

She found Lena's voice at once.

“What am I supposed to do? My wife of four years doesn't remember being my wife! Let alone dating me, loving me, or even...I don't even know if she's attracted to me.”

Alex snorted. “Don't be ridiculous. Kara is sickeningly obsessed with you. I've heard you two going at it on more than one occasion. Have I thanked you lately for putting those god-awful images in my head?”

“You don't understand.” Her voice dropped to a tight whisper. “It was always there for me, but...”

“Attraction?”

“Yes. But it wasn't the same for Kara. We talked about it a long time ago and she said she didn't see me that way. Not at first. It was like everything was there for her except that one part.”

“Lena..." Alex's voice dropped gently. "You know that had nothing to do with you."

"Believe me, the scientist in my head explains it in great detail. However, the rest of me..." she trailed off.

"I get it," Alex said kindly, "but I really don't think you have to worry--"

“I don't know what changed!" she cried. "I don't know what I did or didn't do to make it happen...but something changed. Clearly. And then we started dating.” She sighed. “Kara described it like a faucet, and once it was turned on, it never stopped.”

Alex’s voice was strained. “I'm trying so hard to be an adult about this, but you're talking about my baby sister.”

“If the last thing she remembers is Lex and my mother, then that was when she still...” Her voice trembled. “Alex, she hated me back then. And she certainly didn't have any romantic inclinations towards me. How am I supposed--”

“We are not going through this again,” she interrupted sternly. “Kara never hated you. Not for one single second. Was she pissed? Hell yeah. I know I was. She was angry and hurt, rightfully so. You two were hot messes back then and it was a really...really long year. But did she hate you? No. Not ever. The Kara in there is still Kara, just with some missing memories. I'm sure the...faucet...” she choked on the word, “is still on. Please don't ever make me use that metaphor again. We're going to find out why this happened and fix it.”

“And if we don't?”

“Then you'll start over and she'll fall in love with you all over again, just like she did before. Actually, didn't she ask you out first? Wasn't she already—? Forget it. We're not getting into this because it's pointless. It won't happen. I won't let it!” she insisted. “Neither will you. So, stop panicking, pull yourself together, and let's find out what happened to your wife and my sister, okay?”

Lena sighed quietly. “Okay.”

She sounded so small.

Kara stopped listening, unable to process any of what she just heard, but she could have sworn the sound of her heart pounding was echoing off the cement walls for all to hear.

The test results showed nothing out of the ordinary. Lena joined in the effort and they worked through the day, hooking Kara up to what seemed like every contraption the DEO had. She knew if none of this worked, she was going to end up in Lena's sub-floor lab at L-Corp soon.

They ran through every possible cause of amnesia - seizures, substances, traumatic brain injury, tumors, even psychic attacks. They called J'onn in. Even though he couldn't read Kryptonian minds, he could still assess the aftermath of any psychic phenomena, but he found nothing.

Regardless, Kara was happy to see him and gave him an enthusiastic hug. Shortly after though, he was called away for an emergency, and Kara was already half out the door with him before J’onn was able to clarify that it was a non-superhero emergency.

Dejected, she plopped back down on the examination table.

Meanwhile, Alex, Lena, and Brainy were stumped.

Kara was in perfect health, just as she always was, much to the human grumblings about superior Kryptonian physiology. Brainy suggested the possibility of it being the result of psychological trauma and therefore undetectable by their means.

“But there's been no big events for a while, personal or Supergirl related,” Lena reasoned. “Why would something happen now?”

“A question for a psychologist, to be sure. It's not my area of expertise.”

With nothing else to lose, Kara shrugged, and looked at Alex. “I guess we could call Kelly?”

Alex immediately stared at the floor and Lena winced while Brainy seemed to find something across the room suddenly fascinating and disappeared.

“Oh.” She didn't need this one explained. “Alex, I'm so sorry.”

“It's fine,” she said stiffly, avoiding eye contact. “It's been a while.”

Lena stroked Kara's back reassuringly. 'It's okay,' she mouthed to her when Alex turned back to fiddle with the controls of the machine Kara was hooked up to.

Kara's mouth was dry and, shamefully, she wasn't thinking about what her sister was dealing with in that moment. Instead, all she could think of was how Lena's hand was on her back. It'd been so long since there were even casual touches between them as friends. A hug here and there, and then for so long...nothing. Now she was standing so close to her, their bodies almost making contact, and she was rubbing her back as if it were nothing all. As if it was the most natural thing in the world. And the strangest part? It felt like the most natural thing in the world.

How did they stay away from each other for so long? How could Kara have let them reach the point that they did? She tried to shake off those thoughts, drawn in by the feeling of Lena's hand on her again. The only thing that separated her from touching bare skin was the thin cotton of the DEO exam gown. Lena had just enough pressure on her to make Kara feel the motions perfectly as she rubbed soothing circles between her shoulder blades and occasionally drifted to her lower back. Her stomach was somersaulting again and her heart hammered against her chest. She shivered involuntarily and tried to keep her eyes on the medical bed. To think of anything except how it felt to have Lena touching her.

Of course, she would never get a reprieve. Lena, damnably, noticed it.

“Kara? Are you...are you cold?”

Alex turned around in surprise at the question. Kara looked between the two of them like a deer in headlights.

“Uh. N-no. Why would you say that? I'm never cold.”

Alex looked to Lena for an explanation while Lena took her hand back, folding her arms against her chest as she scrutinized her.

“You shivered. What was it? Did you feel something unusual?”

Kara felt her cheeks heating up quickly and wanted nothing more than to vanish from this room right this second. “Nothing unusual! I'm not cold. I'm fine. I totally shiver sometimes. It's a thing...for me.”

“Kara, it's really important that we explore any symptoms you might be experiencing, no matter how small,” Alex said firmly. “We have nothing to go on right now, so whatever it is, just tell us. That way we can either consider it or rule it out. We have to know everything."

“It's not a symptom! It was nothing. Seriously! Can we just move on?”

The two women were a formidable pair as they stared her down, waiting, and Kara could feel herself shrinking by the second.

“It's nothing,” she tried again weakly, face burning now. “I just...” She swallowed hard and glanced at Lena before looking back down at her hands. Her voice dropped and she spoke so quickly that neither of them understood. Mortified, Kara groaned and tried again, mumbling, “It just felt nice when you were rubbing my back.”

Alex snorted and shot Lena a look. “Told you it was her.” She went back to monitor the readings on the computer.

Kara quickly glanced at Lena and her heart fluttered at the gentle, pleased expression on Lena’s face. At least she hadn’t upset her for once. It’d been so long since she’d been able to make Lena look like that…

Thankfully, the two of them seemed to take pity on Kara and didn't press the issue further. She leaned back on the exam table with a sigh, willing her face to cool down.

What. Was. Happening.

They debated how much detail they should give Kara about the missing years, to which Kara strenuously objected.

How could they think of keeping anything from her? She needed to know everything!

Alex and Brainy were concerned about how much that would impact the engrammatic centers of her brain. It could possibly cause a conflict with her mind's attempt to recollect old memories if new and old memories were being coded simultaneously.

Lena seemed to be leaning towards their hypothesis as well until Kara tried another tack.

“But what if I just need a trigger? If they're in there, but blocked off somehow, wouldn't it make sense to continue telling me about my life until something clicks?”

Alex rolled her eyes. “That only happens in movies.”

“Not necessarily,” Lena interjected with a shrug. “She could very well be right about needing something to connect to a strong sense memory.”

“There's sufficient evidence to say that you might never regain these memories,” Brainy said. “I calculate a 23.7% chance of total recovery.”

“Evidence based on what?” Lena snapped. “We have no data or any kind of lead on what caused it to begin with!”

Brainy looked a little frightened of Lena now, having moved on from Kara after this morning, but still drew himself up to full height. “My calculation is based on prior medical histories with similar amnesiac patterns that are also unresolved.”

“And how many of those cases involved a Kryptonian?” Lena demanded.

“Oh! Um. Well, in that case, I would have to say...none?”

Lena looked like she wanted to sock him in the face.

“All right." Alex stepped in between them warily. “Let's just play it by ear. We'll agree to not to overload Kara with information.” She was ready to object, but Alex knowingly held her hand up to stop her. “However, we will answer your questions as they come up organically. Fair?”

Reluctantly, she agreed. “Fair.”

“Good. Let's take a break for the night and we'll be back on this first thing in the morning. I'll check in with you to assess whether or not there's further degeneration or signs of this being unstable.”

“You think it could get worse?” Kara asked.

The possibility of that hadn't even crossed her mind until now.

Lena inhaled sharply but said nothing. Kara could hear the uptick in her heart rate.

“If it's a disease or virus, that has so far been undetectable by our means, it's most likely that these symptoms would be progressive and further memory loss all but guaranteed,” Brainy answered.

Kara tried to think of what it would be like to wake up tomorrow and...not even remember half the people she remembered now. She felt sick to her stomach.

“If that happens, if I get worse--”

“We're not there yet,” Lena interrupted. “Let's not jump to conclusions or go down any rabbit holes, okay?” She shot Brainy such a fearsome glare that he visibly withered beneath it.

Alex nodded in agreement. “We just don't know anything yet. That's the problem. But Lena's right, no rabbit holes, no spinning, and no crinkle, okay?” She tapped her between the eyes affectionately. “Come on, there's nothing else we can do tonight. Time to go home.”

Brainy nodded and eagerly left the room as quickly as possible. Probably because Lena was still glaring at him. Kara was kind of surprised by that because Lena and Brainy had always gotten along so well before.

“What about work?” she asked. “I-I have...I mean,” she looked at Lena sheepishly, “we have a company that I'm supposed to run. But I don't know anything about it.”

“I can step away from L-Corp for a while to take the reins,” Lena said immediately. “You don't need to worry--”

“Actually,” Alex cut her off, “I think that might be a good thing for you, Kara.”

“What? Screwing up Catco by being completely inept?”

“You're the one who suggested that familiar things could possibly spark your memory, right?” Alex shrugged. “If you want to attempt the Hollywood solution, you should keep your regular routine. That means going to Catco and running the company. I'll talk to Nia and, Lena, maybe you could have a conversation with Kara's assistant to see how he can be more supportive.”

“Done.”

Kara gasped excitedly. “I have an assistant?”

Alex and Lena exchanged a wary glance. One that said they clearly did not believe this was going to go well.

“Oh, hey, nu-uh! That's new and totally not okay with me. You two are not allowed to gang up on me!”

“Way too late for that,” Alex replied smugly and patted her leg before she took off. “Goodnight!”

“Aw, man...” Kara pouted up at Lena. “Do I hate that usually? I bet I complain about it a lot.”

Lena sighed. “I suppose we should head home.”

“Oh. Oh! Right. Yeah. Cause we live together...”

Her anxiety must have been all too obvious because Lena’s gaze dropped quickly as she focused on anything in the room except Kara.

“However, that might be a bit too much right now.” She swallowed thickly. “Which is completely understandable. I'm sure Alex wouldn't mind--”

“No, no!” Kara didn't know why she was rushing to assure Lena of the opposite when, yes, it was definitely too much, but she just couldn't bear for Lena to know that. “It's not. It's totally fine. We should...go home. I'm flying us, right?”

She looked conflicted for a long moment before finally tilting her chin down, still unable to meet Kara’s eyes. “All right.”

They walked down the DEO halls side by side, Lena's heels clicking quietly while Kara's cape ruffled gently behind her. Neither seemed to know what to say. So, Kara went with the first thing she had.

“What's up with you and Brainy?”

“Hm?” Lena replied absently, looking at her for a long moment before the question seemed to register. “Oh. Nothing. Brainy's one of our best friends.”

“Really? Cause you were like this close,” she held up her thumb and index finger, “to biting his head off in the literal sense.”

“I didn't turn cannibalistic in the last six years.”

“Hey, you never know what could happen. I am wide open to all possibilities.”

Lena shot her a look. “Brainy and I are fine. Honestly. I'll...” She groaned. “I'll apologize to him tomorrow. You're right, I was hard on him. I didn't mean to be. I was just frustrated.”

“And worried about me?”

“Of course I am,” she replied softly.

“It'll be okay, Lena. Whatever happens, it'll be okay. Even if I have to get a psychic to remap my brain, I will make this better. Oh, hey! That's a great idea!”

“No, no, it's absolutely not a great idea. J'onn already warned us against such methods. We could end up scrambling your Q waves permanently. Do you like the idea of frying your brain?”

“I guess not. Sheesh. Just spitballing here.”

“Maybe we can postpone that for tomorrow?” she asked tiredly. “It's…been a lot for both of us today.”

“I can do that.” Kara nodded. “So are you-- Are you ready for me to...” She made an awkward sweeping gesture to indicate that she was ready to fly.

Lena chuckled seemingly despite herself. “Just about. Give me a minute to get my things?”

Kara was gone and back in a gust of wind, grinning proudly. Lena was now holding her purse and jacket.

“Got it!”

Lena's smile grew and she softened in a way that Kara hadn't seen since before she left the house this morning. “Thank you, darling.”

Kara felt the tips of her ears burning at the lovely way the endearment rolled off Lena's tongue, dripping like warm honey and so filled with affection. It made her feel such things in her chest that she couldn't contain herself, she burst into giggles and ducked her head shyly.

What surprised her even more was the way Lena laughed in response.

“What?” she asked, cheeks still flaming. “Are you laughing at me?”

“Only a little,” Lena admitted. “It's just...you used to do that a lot in the beginning. When I called you that.”

“Oh. I-I did?”

“Unfortunately, our communication skills weren't up to par yet and I misunderstood. I thought you were uncomfortable with me using terms of endearment. So I stopped altogether and you were so hurt. You thought I was upset with you. It was a bit of a mess, but we worked through it. The way you looked just now...it almost felt like the beginning again.”

“Of us...dating?”

Lena nodded.

“In...in a good way?”

“I'm feeling very fondly nostalgic at the moment, so, yes, in a good way.”

“Good,” Kara breathed. “That's...um...good.”

“You said that.”

“I know,” she groaned. “I'm trying. Go on easy on me.”

“That's not what you—” This time it was Lena who blushed as she cut herself off abruptly and coughed, feigning interest in the hemline of her shirt quite intensely. “Never mind.”

Kara thought her face was red before, but this time the blush spread through her entire body and there were some parts of her that were reacting in a very new, different, way.

When they flew out into the cool night air, they both breathed a sigh of relief, but Kara's heart stuttered when Lena tucked her face in the crook of her neck to escape the wind. Arriving at what was apparently their house, Kara almost passed over it just so she wouldn't have to let go of Lena so soon.

But it was a stupid thought and she chided herself for even considering it.

“What do you think of our home?” Lena asked. “Is any of it familiar?”

Kara looked at her, then down at the house and realized that while she didn't fly over it, she'd inadvertently just stopped altogether, and they were hovering high above it.

Thank goodness it was dark enough that Lena couldn't see the absolute crimson of her face.

“No,” she admitted. “But it is beautiful. I'm actually kind of surprised it's not bigger. I thought you would have wanted...”

“A garish mansion filled with antiques and gadgets and lethal booby traps and secret rooms like a proper Luthor?”

Kara rolled her eyes. “Not like that, silly. But I guess I always pictured you on some lavish estate...like Downton Abbey."

Lena chuckled. “Castles are too drafty for me. I get cold easily.” She wrapped her arms around Kara's neck a little tighter as if to make her point. “No, I love this. It's been perfect for us. But you're not far off about the estate aspect... We do own a fair bit of land. A little over 500 acres.”

Kara just laughed. It really didn't surprise her that Lena would own enough land to be a national park.

“I needed the room for something else,” she explained. “Also, that amount of private property makes it easier to safeguard your identity when you're flying in and out of here all the time.”

“What did you need 500 acres for?”

“Well, I didn't need that much for my project, but it's still been useful. Take a look.” She gestured vaguely to an area on the far right of the house. Kara only saw a walkway that led to a small structure that was a little larger than a shed but wasn’t really big enough for much more.

“Is that a guest house?”

“Oh, no, that's your art studio, but that wasn't what I was referring to.”

Kara blinked, trying to process the fact that she had her own studio when Lena gently tapped her on the temple.

Ah.

She used her X-Ray vision to explore deeper and gasped, zipping higher into the air without warning to take it all in. Sure enough, there was a behemoth looking structure underground that was so expansive it looked like it ran the length of a small city. But Kara couldn't see what was inside of it.

“Lead. Really?”

“Have to protect against all possibilities,” Lena replied unapologetically. “It's my lab and, trust me, a far better option than relying on the DEO to solve our problems. The DEO serves its purpose and I'm happy to continue funding it with all the incredible work Alex has been able to do with the new team of heroes, but it's still too exposed for my liking. My lab has all sorts of safeguards and multi-layers of protection that the DEO can't even come close to since it's in the public eye."

“Of course your lab would be 30 times larger than your house.” Kara snorted. “It's like 300,000 square feet down there, Lena!”

“Well, it started with us needing more room to house the spaceships that some of our overnight guests like to travel here in...and then I just went with it.” She shrugged. “I'm still a Luthor. Honestly. What did you expect?”

Kara shook her head endearingly as she floated them down to the front door of the house and eased Lena onto her feet. “I knew some things could never change. Tell me, how many times have I gotten lost down there?”

“Too many.” She chuckled. “So I built an AI to be your personal guide. It's worked perfectly ever since.”

Kara's jaw dropped. “You made me a Kelex?”

“Bite your tongue.” Lena glowered. “Valor is far more sophisticated and capable than that moody pile of rust.”

Kara struggled to hide her amusement as Lena opened the door and they walked inside.

“How did you and Brainy end up with this grudge match against Kelex? What are you guys doing in the Fortress when I'm not looking?” She paused. “On second thought...maybe I don't want to know.”

Lena put her bag down and toed off her shoes. “That one I'll leave for you to remember on your own.”

Kara was grinning from ear to ear as she watched Lena put her things away, but the giddy playfulness started to fade the longer she stood awkwardly in the foyer, decked out in her suit. She realized that she had absolutely no idea where to go or what to do. This was supposedly her house too. Her home. With Lena.

But she didn’t have the faintest recollection of it.

“What…” she trailed after Lena who’d walked into the living room with a yawn, “what should I do now?”

Lena stopped short and Kara saw her shoulders tense, but when she faced her again, her expression was impassive as ever.

“You can change upstairs if you want. In our bedroom. You have a closet. I’m sure you can figure out which one is yours.”

Kara nodded quickly in gratitude and sped away from the uncomfortable encounter, but as soon as she was upstairs, guilt walloped her in the gut. She covered her face with her hands and groaned in disbelief. Did she really have to use superspeed? How over-dramatic was that? She wanted a do over. She wanted to go back down there right now and simply walk away at a normal speed like anyone else would have.

She just…hated disappointing Lena.

After a quick shower and a look in the mirror, Kara discovered that she'd grown out her bangs and that her hair was a couple shades lighter than she remembered. Wandering a bit, she soon found her own spacious walk in closet. Lena had her own to match and it came as no surprise that even as big as Kara's closet was, Lena's was still twice the size. Wrapped in a towel, hair dripping, she ran her hands over the many…many outfits hanging that she apparently accumulated over the years. It was all still in her style, a few things questionable, but more of it and meticulously organized.

Kara just had to laugh.

The size of her closet was about the same as her dorm room at National City University. Lena probably didn't have to push for this one. Kara imagined herself quickly getting over the novelty and filling up the closet so fast that Alex would have likely tormented her for months about it.

She found some pajamas in a built-in drawer of the closet. A matching grey set, super soft, and comfy looking. When she pushed the drawer back in, she noticed a tiny light flicker out of the corner of her eye. Curious, she turned towards it and used her x-ray vision.

Grinning, she bounced on her heels excitedly, and didn’t hesitate to place her hand on the wall over the hidden panel. It scanned her bio-signature and the wall opened to reveal a secret compartment that, sure enough, had various designs of Kara’s suit draped. There was even a wicked badass looking black and silver suit that she just barely resisted the temptation of trying on. There weren’t any Kryptonite suits in there, but knowing Lena, she guessed there was another version of this display down in that ginormous lab with various upgraded designs of the Kryptonite suit she would have tinkered with over the years.

Strange.

If you’d asked her yesterday if Lena would have given a second thought to improving the design of the Kryptonite suit, she would have dismissed it. Lena was only doing what she had to do to take down Lex and Lillian. Anything more than that? Well, she hardly cared enough about Kara anymore for that to rank on any list of priorities.

Sighing, she dressed for bed and shook her hair fast to dry it in a second. Lena was nowhere to be found. Kara listened carefully and knew at once that she wasn’t in the house anymore. It took a few moments of worrying silence before she finally picked up her heartbeat again with a breath of relief. Lena was outside but coming closer. She must have been in the lab, that's why she wouldn't have been able to hear her before.

Kara hated the lead lined walls even more.

She made her way downstairs just as Lena walked in through a set of French doors that, presumably, led to the backyard. Lena looked up from her phone and nodded at Kara’s pajama selection, but there was this soft tilt of her head with an expression that Kara couldn’t quite place.

She stepped towards her, moving slowly, as if trying not to spook a wild animal, and Kara inhaled sharply at the nearness. Lena reached up, her fingers brushing her cheek, as she removed the glasses that Kara didn’t even remember putting on. It was so habitual at this point.

“Not at home,” Lena said gently, folding them away. “Not with me. Not anymore.”

Kara felt as though her chest might burst. Whether it was sadness or happiness, she didn’t know. She just wished that this could be real. But it wasn’t. This would never happen.

Lena would never look at her that way again.

She found herself breathing once more when Lena moved away and watched her as she walked through the living room, placing the glasses on a side table near the foyer.

“So…did you find everything okay?”

“Easy enough,” Kara replied, aiming for casual. “Best closet ever. Don’t even have one in my loft and I can see what I’ve been missing out on. But weren’t you the one who just told me you were too cool for secret rooms? That you were so above all that?” she teased.

The uptick of her eyebrow was all too familiar. “If you’re referring to where you store your suits, that’s a hidden compartment, not a secret room. There’s a significant difference.”

Kara had to bite her lip to contain her excitement and racing heart. It’d been so long since Lena joked with her like this. So comfortably, playfully…lovingly. If this had been yesterday, she probably wouldn’t have even been ready for Lena to act like that and she knew for certain that Lena wouldn’t have been either.

But six years had passed and even though Kara couldn’t remember it, every fiber of her being wanted to. Wanted to trust it. Wanted to believe it. Wanted to enjoy every single moment of it.

Yet there was still the lingering foreboding feeling underneath it all. How long would this last? When would it all be ripped away? Was this really Lena or was it another act? Was she waiting to catch her unaware just to hurt her again? Payback. If there was anything Kara learned for sure about Lena in the past year, it was that her pain ran deeper than she ever let people see and forgiveness was unthinkable.

That sick feeling twisted her in chest until it became hard to breathe. Kara quickly turned away, wrestling to get it under control.

“Right. So, uh, where do you—I mean, we – keep the blankets?”

“Blankets?” Lena echoed, brow drawn. “What for?”

Kara gestured to the couch. “Just wanted to get set up for bed. I bet I could find them if you don’t mind me snooping a bit.”

Lena looked so genuinely confused for a moment that Kara didn’t know what to say. Then she appeared to remember and an inescapable sadness washed over her features before she could hide it behind her usual mask.

It hit Kara harder than an oncoming train.

She’d just reminded Lena, again, that she didn’t consider their house her house or their bed her bed. She was acting like a guest when this was supposed to belong to both of them.

“Don’t be absurd.” Lena swallowed hard. “You…you’ll sleep in the guest room, not on the couch.” Her voice was taut. “I’ll make up the bed.”

In that moment, Kara would have given just about anything to fix it. Which is undoubtedly why she heard the next words coming out of her mouth.

“Oh, right! N-no, you don’t have to do that. I just forgot! I’ll sleep in our bed. There’s no reason for it to be weird. We’re married. We…do that. I just wasn’t thinking.”

“Kara.” Lena exhaled softly, her eyes revealing so much more than she was used to. “Don’t.”

“But—" She stopped herself at the look Lena gave her.

“We don’t need to make this anymore complicated and uncomfortable than it already is,” she said evenly. “Let’s just get you set up so we can both have some much-needed rest after today.”

Tonight was not the night to fight this.

“Okay."

But how she ended up in a tug of war over the sheets with Lena for the guest bed, Kara still didn’t quite understand.

“I can do it myself!” she insisted. “You don’t have to do this for me. It’s my house too, right?”

Lena’s look was scathing. “You can’t even remember where the linen closet is.”

“Doesn’t matter because I have them now," she retorted. "Problem solved! I can take it from here.”

Before Lena could utter another word, Kara used superspeed to snatch the sheets away, made the bed, and was sitting against the headboard, tucked under the covers with a victorious grin.

“That's cheating,” Lena huffed.

“You know what they say, if you got it…”

They smiled at each other for a long moment, silence falling, and slowly the playfulness of the moment faded along with their smiles. Reality beckoned once again and Lena’s silence pressed in like a weight on Kara’s chest. But there was nothing she could say to make it better. She wondered if her future self would have known what to do, after years of being together, maybe she had all sorts of ways to lift Lena's spirits and take away that inexorable pain. But it was useless thinking. She didn’t remember.

Lena softly bid her goodnight and Kara echoed with her awkward own.

Yet, she couldn’t sleep.

Her mind wouldn’t stop racing, replaying all the events of today, yesterday…the past five years. The years with Lena that she could actually remember.

Things sounded different here than in her loft. She tried to listen in to the city sounds, miles away below them, instead of the quiet cacophony of nature, but even that familiarity didn’t help. She could hear Lena tossing and turning in the other room for what felt like the longest time. She was sure it was somewhere around 3am when Lena finally dropped off and began snoring lightly. The sound melted Kara's insides. Leave it to Lena to make that as adorable as possible. Alex always sounded like a chainsaw. Kara would never tell her sister, but she’d slept the soundest she’d ever slept since she came to Earth when they no longer shared a room.

Eventually, she fell asleep as well, but only after tuning in to the sound of Lena's heartbeat.

Chapter Text

Exhausted, but brimming with anxiety about having to go into Catco as the actual literal boss, Kara was on her 5^th stack of pancakes that morning when Lena came down, fully dressed and flawless in her work attire. Her dress was form fitting and, honestly, a little tighter and more low-cut than Kara was used to seeing for a day at L-Corp.

“Um,” was all she got out around the mouthful of pancakes she'd just shoveled.

“Good morning.” Lena eyed the messy kitchen and Kara's plate. “Stress eating?”

“Carb loading,” she mumbled sheepishly then caved. “Yes! I am totally freaking out. I know how to be a reporter, but I'm not a manager! Nia was the first and only person I even sort-of supervised and not even in an official capacity. What do I know about being a CEO?”

Lena sighed affectionately and leaned across the countertop. “Stop. Put the pancakes down.”

Alarmed, Kara pulled her plate closer instead, but Lena didn’t let up.

“Put. Them. Down.” She said firmly. “And listen.”

Frowning, Kara slowly lowered her fork. Lena raised an eyebrow as she waited. Finally, Kara dropped it on the plate and sat back, showing that she was listening, but also made it clear how much she objected to being deprived of her breakfast.

“I am not looking to repeat what was essentially a 9-month military campaign to convince you that you were the best, most capable, and deserving person to run Catco. So I'm telling you right now, that is not happening again, do you hear me?”

“But I--”

“You were Cat Grant's assistant for a record breaking 3 years. No one has ever lasted as long as you did and she rewarded you with the pick of any career you could possibly ask for. You worked directly alongside one of the greatest mogul's in the industry and you know much more about this job than you will ever give yourself credit for. You know the people to call. You know how Catco is supposed to work. You know the mission of the company. You know what a good story is and, even more importantly, what it isn't. You know how to let people do their jobs and they do it well because you are a great judge of character and have an incredible ability to spot talent and integrity. You're a natural born leader, Kara Zor-El. So, as uncomfortable as it may feel at first, to stand in front of a room full of staff and give orders, you just need to remind yourself that you have literally saved Earth and the universe from complete annihilation on more than a few occasions. People look up to you - both as Supergirl and as Kara Danvers. I once told you, early on when we first met, that Supergirl may have saved my life, but that you--”

“You said Kara Danvers was your hero,” she finished for her shyly, smiling. “Of course I remember that.”

“I meant it then and I mean it now. You have this in you, Kara. I’ve witnessed it firsthand. Go in there today and act like you own the building. Because you do. Literally. Our names are on the deed.”

Kara giggled disbelievingly, rubbing her forehead. “I never knew you were this good at pep talks. I would have come to you first instead of Alex all that time...”

Lena reached across the counter and squeezed her hand reassuringly. “Nia knows the deal and she will be there to help you navigate the routine. Your assistant will be completely understanding of any forgetful moments because he is under the impression that you had an elective surgery that requires a certain amount of painkillers during your recovery. He's expecting you to be a bit...fuzzy around the edges.”

“Elective surgery?” Kara raised her eyebrows, ignoring the warmth radiating from where their hands touched. “What did you tell him I had done?”

“I told him if he dared to ask, I'd have him run out of the country.”

“Lena!”

“Julian will be fine,” she said dismissively. “Now I have to go, but you're going to be great today and if anything major comes up, remember, I'm only a phone call away. I'll help you with whatever you need, I promise. We're partners. You handle staff, content, and image. I do contracts, mergers, and acquisitions. We both deal with budgets and advertising and, yes, we do debate a bit over that, but it's not something we have to worry about today. Just know...” her voice grew softer, “you're not in this alone. You never have been.”

Kara sighed, feeling far more relieved than before the pancakes began. The tension flooded from her chest and she felt lighter again. Knowing that Lena had her back, the seemingly unshakable confidence she had in her...well, that was enough to make Kara feel like she could start leaping through space so running a major corporation couldn't be much more difficult than that right?

“Thank you.”

Lena smiled. “Always.”

Picking up her purse, she rounded the counter and Kara thought she was going to walk by her, but Lena paused just long enough to bend down and press her lips to Kara’s cheek for a lingering moment. Her heart all but stopped when Lena whispered against her ear before she vanished out the door.

Kara stared after her long after she was gone, heart thudding wildly and painfully against her chest. Gingerly, she touched her cheek where Lena's lips had been and wondered at how electric it'd felt.

Faucet.

“Good morning!” Nia raced up to her at the elevator, all teeth in her not-at-all-disguised nervous smile. “Just another regular day of being CEO of Catco, Miss Danvers!”

Kara shot her a look. “Do you seriously call me that now?”

“No, but I thought it would give you some encouragement.”

“Just be yourself, Nia.”

“Right. Okay.”

They continued walking across the floor and Kara could feel how many eyes were on her. She was exceedingly grateful for Nia shooing away everyone who tried to run up on them.

“How are you? I'm so sorry. If I'd known yesterday what you were--”

“Gosh, do not apologize, really. This has been...crazy. Thank you for agreeing to help me today.”

“Of course! Just consider me at your disposal. With Julian running interference, I'll be your guide.”

“Sounds good to me. Um, speaking of whoever that guy is, where is he? I wanna know what my assistant is like! As a former one, I have expectations for him to live up to.”

Nia glanced at the empty assistant's desk as they went into Kara's office and shrugged. “Dunno. He'll show though. It's weird. He has the best timing. It's always exactly when you need him.”

Kara put her bag down and hung up her coat before turning back to her, looking around to make sure they were alone, and whispered, “Hey, um, d-did you know that Lena can speak Kryptonese?”

She couldn't stop replaying the moment in her head. Lena's plush lips on her skin...whispering encouragement in near perfect Kryptonese... It felt so...normal. But not a human normal, just normal for someone who grew up on Krypton. Even in her most imaginative daydreams, she never allowed herself to come up with something as wonderful as that. It would have hurt more than anything else because she knew that kind of life would never exist for her.

Except...now it did. In this new, but so oddly right, life she led.

“Did I know that your genius, billionaire, polyglot wife added an alien language to her repertoire in all 2 seconds of her spare time...” Nia stopped and sighed. “Actually, I was going for sarcastic on that, but I just couldn't do it. Yes, I know! It's so sweet. She was determined to learn as much as she could before you guys got married. We once caught you two using it at game night to cheat. Huge fiasco. Alex wouldn’t speak to either of you for a week.”

“We would never cheat!”

“You literally don’t remember it so you can’t say that.”

“I know I would never cheat!”

“Maybe being married to a Luthor has lured you to the dark side.” Nia wiggled her eyebrows.

Kara was not amused.

“Ugh. You’re no fun. But what’s the freak out about Lena knowing your language? You were so happy you cried when she said your vows in Kryptonese as a surprise.”

Kara did not have an answer for that. And now she was picturing Lena on their wedding day and seeing the way her lips wrapped around the sacred words, hearing the accent she would have in trying to pronounce the harder ones, the way her native tongue would roll off Lena’s tongue...

“Nia Nal to Kara Danvers. Kara Danvers, if you have functioning brain cells left, please respond.”

It was enough to jar her out of the daydream and she looked at Nia strangely as she pretended to speak into a microphone.

“Ah. There you are. Good. Worried I lost you to another Lena coma. Seriously, those are so inconvenient. I don’t know how you function on a daily basis.”

“A what now?”

She ignored her. “You have a regular scheduled meeting with BB first thing on Tuesday mornings. She'll be here any moment.” Nia led Kara to the desk and had to give her a little push before she let herself sit in the chair.

“Oh, this is so wrong...” she whined in a hushed whisper, staring at Nia with wide eyes. “It feels like I'm breaking a law!”

“It's a chair, Kara,” she replied flatly. “You own the company.”

“So they keep telling me, but it doesn't make it any easier to get used to.”

“Focus!” Nia snapped her fingers and Kara sat up straight, nodding seriously. “Just let BB talk herself into everything and approve it at the end. You totally trust her to make the right decisions, she just likes to process things out loud.”

“Let her talk and approve at the end. Easy enough. One question: who’s BB?”

“Our Editor-in-Chief.”

“What happened to Snapper? We didn’t get him back after Andrea’s disastrous takeover?”

“I’m not sure.” Nia walked around to the opposite side of the desk. “Lena was pretty set against it. She loathed him. You said he made you a better reporter, but Lena was adamant that there were better ways to motivate someone than to degrade, insult, diminish, and verbally abuse. You guys debated it a lot and then one day you announced to us all that BB was the new Editor. I have no idea what changed your mind, but BB is amazing and I’m so glad Lena won the fight because when I handed in one of my first stories for Catco, Snapper ripped me to pieces so badly that I didn’t change out of my pajamas for 4 days.”

“That’s...a pretty fair reaction,” she admitted, but was still focused on the fact that she was sitting in this chair.

The chair.

There might as well have been a kryptonite laced bomb planted underneath it for how it felt.

“Oh, here she comes!” Nia turned back and groaned in exasperation. “Kara!” she admonished. “You have got to relax otherwise you're gonna make everyone feel super weird.”

A tall Black woman dressed head to toe in hot pink stopped at a desk outside the office and seemed to be either happily congratulating Kevin or ripping Kevin a new one, Kara couldn’t tell by her enthusiastic hand gestures. She looked up at Nia in bewilderment.

“That’s the woman I hired to be our Editor?”

“Yep!”

“She looks like she stepped out of the Barbie Dream House - business style, 80s edition.”

“Isn’t it fantastic?”

“She has poodles on her heels.”

“She loves dogs?”

Kara gawked at the scene happening outside of her office. Nia came back around and patted her on the shoulder reassuringly.

“You got this. Don't worry. BB is basically the Elle Woods of the editorial world and utterly fabulous!” Nia squealed excitedly. “You love her, I promise! I'll come back when you guys are done.”

BB seemed to be done with Kevin and Kara wasn’t sure if he was alive or dead. Or how she felt about it. Nia slipped out the door with none the wiser.

“Miss Danvers, so glad to see you back in!” BB strode in with her purse on her arm and pulled out a hot pink file that flawlessly matched her outfit before placing her purse carefully on the couch. “You were sorely needed yesterday, but we can’t all be Supergirl, can we? Instead we must be Superwomen and we carry on!” She handed her the file with flourish.

Every alarm bell in her head went off.

How could she know? Why would they tell her? If she didn’t know then why would she say that... No, it was totally a joke. She didn't know. She couldn't. Nia would have warned her.

Kara stared up at her blankly until BB, seeming a little concerned, waved the folder again and got her attention.

“Oh, yes!” Kara took the file. "Of course. Sorry, go on.”

Had to be a joke.

“Here’s what I’ve worked out for the next three editions.”

“Three?” she echoed in disbelief. "That's like…five months of work in advance."

“Okay, you caught me.” She grimaced. “I have the next six editions planned. You really do know me well, Miss Danvers. But I swear I have been trying to take your advice on slowing down a bit. It’s just…” she sighed, “a work in progress.”

Kara blinked.

“Now, if anything doesn’t feel right, I do have my back ups, of course.” She pulled out another file about 3 times thicker than the first, tapping her acrylic nails on it as she waited.

Kara opened the brief, flipping through, becoming more and more impressed with each page. “Wow, this is—”

“Horrible! You hate it. I knew it.” BB snatched the file out of a bewildered Kara’s hands. “We’ll trash it. Forget that happened.”

“I hated it?”

“Yes, of course you did. How could you not? It looks like we’re playing at amateur hour. No. Unacceptable.” She handed her the next folder. “I’m so sorry, let’s try Plan B. See if that’s any better.”

Kara was a little nervous to open it this time, but BB was peering down at her with such scrutiny that she felt like she better move fast or she wouldn’t even get to see what’s in this one. She went through the pages speedily, but still a human speed, and something caught her eye.

“Is that…is that supposed to be an article on Lena and me? ...With a 6-page spread!”

“Certainly! Your anniversary gala is next month.”

‘Anniversary gala?’ Kara mouthed to herself in disbelief.

Seriously, what kind of life was she leading?

“I know how Miss Luthor despises being in the spotlight, but this is my one opportunity every year to give our readers a glimpse into the lives of two of the most powerful women in the country, if not the world, and you know I won’t miss it.”

“Nia is interviewing us?” she asked, noting the byline placeholder.

“As you requested. But, if you like, there are hundreds of reporters that would leap at the chance…”

“No, no, Nia should write it. That’s totally fine. I just don’t…” she trailed off for a moment and then looked up at the woman. “Why?”

“Why?”

“Yeah. I mean, wha-what’s so interesting about Lena and me that we would need to be interviewed for a national publication…” she forced a nervous chuckle through her teeth, “…that’s translated in 20 different countries?”

"32 countries," BB corrected, looking entirely perplexed. “And because it’s the best opportunity to shine a light on all the philanthropy you and Miss Luthor have been working on? It’s why you started hosting it 3 years ago. The gala is one of the most exclusive, sought-after events of the year that raises hundreds of millions in one evening for a number of charities and funding for medical research. You know all of that, Miss Danvers, obviously, but am I to take this to mean you’ve changed your mind about the feature?”

“Oh, um...” Kara puffed out her cheeks as she rebelled against her every instinct to say yes, cancel it, shut it down. There’s no way it could possibly be a good idea to splash pictures of herself and Lena with an intimate interview in the middle of Catco magazine. But she stopped herself, remembering Nia’s advice. “No, it’s fine. Of course, I’m--we’re--doing the interview. Because that’s what we agreed to. Apparently.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“And this is fantastic work. I think we should definitely go ahead with—"

“No. It’s hideous. Absolutely not.” BB yanked the folder away, tossing it clear across the room while she strode towards her bag to pull out an absolute monster sized looking brief – still the same shade of hot pink as the rest. “I don’t know what I was thinking even letting you see that.” She shook her head. “Here. This should do it.” She dropped the next one in front of Kara with an audible thump on the desk.

Kara openly gaped at her, certain that she shouldn’t be making any sudden movements. BB didn’t seem to notice as she glanced at her wristwatch which, frankly, was exquisite and she suspected Cartier. How much did she pay this woman?

“Well? Come now, Miss Danvers!” She clapped her hands with a keen gaze. “You don’t have all day to meet with me. There’s a thousand more important things for you to do and I would hate to waste any more of your valuable time.”

Kara gulped and nodded, almost too scared to open it at this point, but started to go through what was apparently Plan C.

Were they going to go through the whole alphabet?

After BB left her office, just as perky and energetic as when she’d entered, Kara felt like she’d just gone four rounds with someone well outside her weight class. She certainly understood why she hired her now though. Snapper Carr was a, well, snapper, next to BB’s Blue whale.

Still in a daze from the meeting, someone used the opportunity to stick a box of the most incredible looking doughnuts under her nose. Kara gasped delightedly and snatched it as though she might have to fight people off to keep it. When she opened the box, the mouthwatering scent of the freshly made confections wafted over her and she was halfway to heaven.

“And your mid-morning latte, Miss Danvers.” A short young man with fair skin and meticulously coiffed dark hair placed a steaming cup of coffee next to her on the desk. “Don't worry, I bought a backup dozen in case you're feeling extra peckish today. Just let me know.”

Kara would have thanked him, but she'd already shoved half a doughnut in her mouth. As far as she was concerned though, he had just made one of the best first impressions she'd experienced.

“Julian! There you are.” Nia walked into the office with a smile but got distracted by the sight of the box of doughnuts in front of Kara. “Oooooh, those look amazing.”

Kara was about to tell her to get her own, though it would have been unintelligible due to the second doughnut already in her mouth, but it turned out she didn't need to.

Julian stepped between them. “Absolutely not, Miss Nal! Do you feel like losing a hand today?”

She rolled her eyes. “You are so bad at sharing, Kara.”

“Mmpphh!” was all she managed to reply. Third doughnut gone.

“Is there anything else I can do for you right now, Miss Danvers? I tried to make your lunch reservation as usual, but Hector called and said that Miss Luthor had a conflict today. That hasn't happened in over seven months, which is worrisome, but I'm sure you two are fine, right?”

“Julian!” Nia chided, elbowing him pointedly. “Of course they're fine. God, do you ever think before you speak?”

“Thinking is overrated. Actions speak louder than words anyway.”

Kara chuckled, finally taking a break long enough to speak clearly after she polished off her fifth doughnut. “Interesting perspective for someone who's supposed to be doing nothing but thinking of my needs as my assistant.”

“You've kept me around this long.” He shrugged. “Can't be that bad at it, right?”

“I can see it's gone to your head.” Kara pushed her glasses back more securely on her nose. “We might have to reevaluate.”

Nia snickered behind her hand.

Julian sighed. “Understood, Miss Danvers. What shall I do for lunch with your wife then? I bet she'd like to try that new Vietnamese place that's been all the rage. What time should I have it delivered to L-Corp?”

“Didn't you just say Lena was too busy for lunch today?” she replied distractedly with her mouth full of the 6^th doughnut.

His eyes doubled in size and he clutched his chest as if he were a 50s housewife clutching her pearls. Nia started waving wildly behind him, mouthing 'no' in a panic, but Kara didn't understand what the heck was wrong with the two of them.

“You're not going to have lunch with Miss Luthor? Oh, dear God. I...I should have gotten more doughnuts! And ice cream! I should have gotten so much ice cream.” He looked near tears. “My sincerest apologies, Miss Danvers. I didn't know! And I was being so flip... I am a terrible human being.”

Apparently Kara had just sent her assistant into a nervous breakdown within 3 minutes of meeting him. She was competing against Cat Grant's record.

Nia came to her rescue though, throwing her arm around Julian's shoulders as he continued to spiral. “No! It's okay. You remember what Lena said about how she might be acting today right...” she trailed off with an exaggerated jerk of her head towards Kara and gesturing various signs of crazy. “Thank God she has you. Can you imagine what Lena Luthor would do if her wife didn't show up for their lunch? You're Kara's saving grace! Now go place that order and...please don't put her on the phone with anyone important today.”

“Right, of course, you're absolutely right.” Julian took a deep, calming breath. “So sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that. I know better.” He looked at Kara with all the sympathy one would muster for an injured child. “Don't you worry about a thing, Miss Danvers. I have it all in hand. Your lunch will arrive at L-Corp at 1pm. I know you usually like to walk, but on this occasion, I would really like to have a car take you today.”

“I guess that would be fine?”

He looked so relieved, Kara might as well have saved his life by saying 'fine'.

She waited until he left the office before turning to Nia expectantly.

Nia sighed heavily, hand over her heart. “That was so close. Jesus, Kara. You're going to be the death of that boy. He worships you and Lena. If you two ever broke up, I think it would honestly shatter him.”

“It's one lunch... Why would that be enough for him to start needing a padded room?”

Nia tilted her head fondly. “You and Lena are the cutest. You have lunch together every day without fail. If Lena's too busy to leave the office, you always just go straight to her. Occasionally she comes to Catco just to shake it up a bit. You say you're adamant about lunch because she forgets to eat if you're not there so you're just looking out for her, but I think you mostly like being able to have that mini-date break with all that you guys deal with between Catco, L-Corp, and occasionally saving the world.”

“Oh.”

“You really don't remember anything, do you?”

“Apparently not.”

It was all she could do to keep her voice level.

“I don't know how Lena's dealing with it...” Nia gave her a pitying look. “Never mind, I'm sure it'll all work out! But don't do that to Julian again. He puts on a tough act, but he's a sweetheart deep down.”

“I won't?”

It was probably inappropriate to be so grateful to hear a police siren at that moment, but Kara was positively overjoyed. Finally! Something she knew how to do and it wouldn't be filled with all the distressing pieces of her life that she didn't know anything about. Plus, she could escape this increasingly unsettling conversation.

“Oh well! Duty calls! Gotta go. You know the drill. Be back in a jiff.”

Nia looked confused. “Wait, really? What happ--”

Kara ran out of the office before she could finish.

It was almost noon and Kara was feeling more off kilter than ever. She thought being able to put on the suit and be Supergirl for a little while would let her forget all the new, overwhelming things she was discovering about her life as Kara Danvers. It was supposed to be her reprieve! Her one solace that she could count on. Punch bad guys into the stratosphere! But no.

She'd made five separate attempts to swoop into different emergency scenes, but every single stinking time there was already another superhero on the scene that had the situation well in hand. They weren't faster than Kara, but they did have the heads-up advantage from the DEO. Every time she showed up, not only did the heroes look surprised, but so did the police, the firemen, the paramedics, and even the bad guys! An attempted arsonist that was getting put in handcuffs apparently found her presence galling. “Supergirl? What the hell are you doing wasting your time on me? There's a fucking civil war about to break out in Kaznia right now. Shame on you!”

Kara was so flustered that she just flew away since there was a costumed metahuman on the scene working with the firefighters as they located where the would-be arsonist had planted charges.

Supergirl was apparently no longer needed in National City.

After the fifth failed attempt to do some kind of heroism, Alex called her and begged her to stop interrupting other people while they saved the day.

“You have a job, Kara! Go do it.”

Absolutely indignant, she all but stamped her foot. “Is this your way of telling me I’m obsolete? Cause that's what it feels like, Alex. It's not retirement when you've been forced out!”

“No one is forcing you out," she replied tiredly. "National City is well protected now because of all the work you've put in over the years, but yes, they don't need you at every robbery or pile up. You have to trust me, when something happens that only you can do or that we'll need all hands on deck for, we will call you. Otherwise, just go enjoy life as Kara Danvers, media mogul.”

“That is so unbelievably weird, you know that, right?”

“I've had time to get used to it.”

“Well, what about this Kaznian civil war?” She tried, knowing that this was sounding way more desperate than necessary. “I heard about it from— Uh. I heard it on the news. Can't I do something about that? Isn't there a dictator I could punch? Or maybe glare at really menacingly?”

“Diana is already handling that one,” Alex replied distractedly. “Diplomacy is more of her thing.”

“What? Who's Diana?”

“A friend. Kara, please! I have work to do. Just go back to Catco. We have it handled. Stop interfering.”

“Excuuuuuse me for caring,” she muttered.

They ended the call at the same time.

As frustrated as Kara was, every hero she met so far today – though they already all knew her – appeared to be doing a great job and everyone had been so incredibly nice to her, even though she was clearly not needed. She couldn't find a way to be mad at them for taking her job.

Resigned, she went back to the office and reined in her every instinct to take flight at the sound of distress. She reminded herself of what Alex said and did her best to try and trust that if there was something she was truly needed for, either Alex would call her or Kara would be able to hear the difference between something the locals could handle and something that only Supergirl could do.

So she focused on being CEO and it was...honestly harder than being Supergirl. Kara decided she would rather carry a submarine on her back for a week than sit through another budget planning meeting and walked out of there plotting all the ways she could avoid ever doing that again. Surely there had to be a way to 'delegate' that particular task.

She spent about ten minutes alternating between staring into space and staring at her cell phone, which Lena had found for her last night, while drumming on the desk with her fingernails. Finally, she swallowed the nerves, and picked up the phone.

Lena answered on the first ring. “Kara, is everything alright? Did something happen?”

“No, no, nothing’s wrong. I mean, nothing that we didn’t already know, anyway. Same old problems as this morning.”

The tiny sigh of relief on the other end would have been undetectable if it wasn’t for Kara’s hearing.

“It’s actually…going better than I expected,” she admitted. “It’s weird and I still think Miss Grant is going to walk in here and have me decapitated for sitting at her desk, but it’s not the impending disaster I thought it would be.”

Lena chuckled quietly and the throatiness of it made Kara feel something she really could not fathom putting into words at the moment.

“I did have a reason for calling though.”

“Of course. How can I help?”

Kara smiled despite herself. “No, it’s not… I was only wondering… Well, are you free for lunch?”

Lena was strangely silent. The courage that Kara had summed up was rapidly depleting.

“I-I just didn’t want to impose,” she continued. “Your assistant said you were busy, but Julian seemed to think I should still… Well, he got weirdly upset and acted like we were breaking up if we didn’t have lunch. Which is crazy, right? Silly. It’s just…lunch.”

“Julian is a nosy busybody,” Lena sniffed, “and if he wasn’t so exceptionally good at anticipating your needs, you would have fired him on day one.”

“I’m getting that same feeling.”

They both fell silent this time.

“So…” Kara leaned forward nervously, “a-are you busy today?”

“I do have a lot going on…” she conceded, hesitating slightly, “but we usually meet in my office when it gets like this.”

“Then you did want to cancel because of me? Because of the situation?”

“It's not like that, Kara. I simply thought that after yesterday and this morning, you've been forced to spend a lot of time with me and I figured perhaps you could use some space. I can't imagine how overwhelmed you must be feeling.”

“I haven't been forced into anything with you,” she insisted. “Besides, we really should keep things as normal as possible...so I won't have to call in a medical team to sedate Julian.”

“Right," Lena drawled. "Wouldn’t want that happen."

“And...I'd like to see you,” she confessed, feeling the blush creep up her cheeks as she said it. “We could talk more about us o-or nothing about us if you're tired of that. We have so many things we could talk about. Like are Harry and Meghan still together? Did the Queen take away their titles? Did they vote that jerk out of the White House? Did T-Swift get married? Oh! Did Frank Ocean finally release a new album?! Alex wouldn't tell me.”

“Google still exists, you know.”

“Huh. Forgot about that.”

“Perhaps I should check for signs of cognitive degeneration later. Another symptom, perhaps?”

“Oh, funny. I'll be there at one. We're having Vietnamese.”

“Oh, from the new place?” Lena sounded pleased. “I've been wanting to try it.”

“Really? What a coincidence.”

“All right. Have it your way, Kara.” She could hear the smile in her voice even over the phone. “I'll see you at one.”

After they ended the call, Kara put the phone down on her desk, feeling immensely pleased with herself and didn’t really understand why. She just knew she couldn’t wipe the dopey grin off her face for a while, not even when Julian told her that, no, Frank Ocean still hadn’t released any new music.

Another day passed. Then it was two. Kara was oddly getting used to the routine, but there was still no lead on what had happened to her or why she couldn’t remember such a large, but specific chunk of her life. Alex and Brainy were working around the clock. Though Lena seemed to be carrying on as usual, Kara knew she was likely spending a lot of time in the L-Corp lab working in tandem with them. On the upside, things with Lena were getting less awkward. It was almost starting to feel like what it used to be when they were best friends before…everything.

Sure, there was still the whole marriage thing, which was strange, but of course Kara wore her wedding band every day. There was no sense in taking it off when all that would do is hurt Lena’s feelings. Besides, if she made those vows, it didn’t matter whether or not she could remember them at this particular moment, they still counted, and she would honor them. She would honor Lena. Always.

The worst part right now was, really, the severe lack of sleep they were both suffering. Kara usually didn’t need that much sleep on average, but she hadn’t slept well since waking up in this new world and she knew Lena wasn’t sleeping either. She heard her tossing and turning in the other room every night. Even though Lena was an expert on covering the dark circles under her eyes, she still couldn’t hide the toll lack of sleep was taking on her. They didn’t talk about it though. Kara had a feeling that, deep down, she knew the answer to the problem, but it wasn’t something she was prepared to admit. It was too much. She wasn’t ready to broach it.

Yet.

It was another busy day for L-Corp so instead of meeting at a restaurant like they’d done the past two days, Kara was meeting Lena at her office again. She didn’t mind where it was. She liked these breaks in the middle of the day, however brief, to sit down with Lena and just…talk. It was one of the things she’d missed the most since their rift.

They didn’t really talk about Supergirl-in-action things, probably because Kara had been forced into retirement (no matter what Alex said!), but they did talk about Kara Zor-El. Conversations that had usually been about life growing up with the Danvers and Kara’s day job now included casual comments and offhand remarks about Krypton, the House of El, Kara’s parents, her true childhood, and never did she have to say a single word of untruth. Lena knew everything about her and there was such an intimate relief and ease to it all. In her wildest dreams, never did she think it could be like this.

Kara grinned at Hector as she walked by and he smiled back with an approving nod, which usually meant that Lena was alone in her office. Except this time she wasn’t.

“Oh, sorry!” she said awkwardly. “I didn't realize you were busy. I can come back?”

Lena and the young woman stopped their conversation, facing her with similar expressions of amusement. She felt something tug at her memory and inhaled sharply, wondering if this was it, the hint of her missing memories showing some sign that they still existed.

“Wait a minute...I know you. How do I know you?”

The woman rolled her eyes. “I swear, you get cheesier every year, Kara.”

Lena hastily interjected. “Ruby, it's not nice to tease senior citizens. Where is that busy mother of yours, Sam?”

Kara's eyes doubled in size when it clicked. “Ruby Arias?” she exclaimed, several octaves above usual. “Oh my... You are beautiful! Y-you're a whole...adult!” She wrapped her in a bear hug before stepping back. “And tall! Goodness. You're...” she caught Lena's reproving gaze and realized that she was not supposed to react like this, “...exactly like you have been for a while now because you are...a woman and I am not at all surprised. How old are you?”

Lena covered her eyes in exasperation.

Kara couldn't help it. The last time she saw this girl, she was an adorable 12-year-old who was over the moon to have her amazing mom back. Now she was a full-blown woman, several inches taller than Kara and nothing short of gorgeous. Sam’s daughter, indeed.

Ruby seemed amused for the most part, along with a tad bit concerned. “I'm 21, Kara. You guys were just at the party and gave me a car for my present. Remember?”

Kara looked around her, gaping at Lena. “We gave her a car? Like a real one?”

“Yes, and without her mother's approval to boot,” another voice chimed in behind them.

Of course she knew that voice. Kara turned around and there was Sam Arias, glowing and perfect as always.

“Sam!” She couldn't help it. She threw herself into the woman's arms happily.

“I missed you too, Kara.” She laughed fondly.

“Don't tell me you're still ticked off about the car, Samantha,” Lena teased. “We let you give her the apartment.”

“Oh, you let me, did you?”

After Kara released her, Sam made her way over to Lena and embraced her as well.

“Someone has to spoil her,” Kara said with a shrug, looking at Lena. “Isn't that right?”

She was getting better at this pretend game - where she played the part of Lena's wife. Sometimes it would come so naturally that Kara surprised herself.

“Exactly right,” Lena replied with a twinkle in her eye and put on an exaggerated look of innocence. “Don't begrudge us for loving her so much.”

“I certainly don't!” Ruby chirped.

“You two are a disaster. Wait 'til you have your own. Then it's payback time.”

Kara promptly went mute. Lena blushed, but tried to be more subtle about it. Sam showed no mercy, but it was Ruby that came to their rescue.

“Mom, you're being cruel. Plus, you have an unfair advantage. I think Kara's been day drinking.”

“I have not!” she protested, indignant.

Sam stifled her laughter with her fist. “Really? Kara Danvers? What makes you say that?”

“She's being even more of dork than usual and I didn't think that was possible.”

“I see how it is.” Kara gestured between the two of them. “You've taken after your mother too much. I'll have you know that, once upon a time, she liked me. I'm sure of it.” She looked at Sam. “And it's not my fault that my wife insisted on a car. You know what she's like! How was I going to stop her?”

“Fine,” Sam sniffed, lifting her chin in mock indignation. “You're right. I'll blame it all on Lena.”

“For God's sake. Is this what dinner is going to be like?” Lena rolled her eyes. “Because if it is, my assistant can tell you that I'm coming down with a possible bout of the flu.” She fake-coughed pointedly.

“No canceling,” Ruby said warningly. “You've already rescheduled on us twice.”

“Very well, I suppose you have me in a bind. I'll just suffer through Sam's withering glares all evening.”

Sam grinned. “Damn right you will.”

Hector knocked, sticking his head in. “I'm sorry to interrupt, but your lunch order has arrived Miss Luthor. Would you like me to bring it in?”

“Yes, please!” Kara answered for her without hesitation.

As he promptly ran out, hurrying to meet Kara's enthusiastic request, the other three women just looked at her.

“What? I'm hungry. You guys act like you've never met me.”

Sam and Ruby both shook their heads in amusement, looking so much like mother and daughter that it warmed Kara's heart.

“Okay, I know we've taken up a lot of your time already,” Sam said laughingly. “We just dropped by to say hi and I wanted to check in with some of the department heads. We'll see you tonight though?”

The two of them started to move towards the door.

“Absolutely,” Lena replied. “Seven on the dot.”

“See you then!” Ruby smiled. “And no more drinking, Kara. You're not as young as you used to be.”

“I wasn't--!”

But Ruby just laughed as she walked out with Sam. Kara spun around with her mouth wide open in shock.

“I know,” Lena said. “Amazing, isn't it?”

“That 6-foot-tall model is the baby-faced Ruby Arias that we know and love?”

Hector quietly laid out lunch for them on the table by the couch and closed the door behind him, leaving them alone.

“She's incredible. She's already gotten her undergrad and she's in medical school. Pretty sure Alex was the inspiration behind that one.”

“Is she at NatCU?”

“Nope, Stanford. We send the jet for her sometimes when she has a long weekend and beg her to stay with us so we can spoil her more. She's utterly brilliant and her work ethic is impeccable.”

Kara smiled. “Just like her mom then.”

“Yes, and that is exactly why you will not be going to dinner with us tonight. I'll make up a very heartfelt apology on your behalf.”

“What? No!” Kara cried, crestfallen. “Lena, don't do this to me! I wanna be there and--”

“They'll know something's up if you spend more than 5 minutes with them right now. Sam is one of the sharpest people I know and her daughter takes after her.”

“Apparently not if she thinks I was day drinking,” Kara grumbled, fiddling with her glasses.

Lena raised an eyebrow. “You're lucky she loves you enough to find your obliviousness charming. But there's no way you can fake it through an entire meal. It's six years of friendship and six years of Ruby's life that you don't remember, Kara. Do you really think it's the best idea? How are we going to explain it? Other than alcoholism or some other substance abuse,” she said dryly.

“But-but I just want to talk and hear about their lives!” she whined, pouting. “I miss them so much. I haven't seen them since they left for Metropolis after Reign.”

“Technically, you have, but you don't remember it.” She rubbed her arms consolingly. “There will be other dinners, I promise. And by then you'll have all your memories back and you will be able to carry on a conversation without either of them thinking you've completely lost your mind.”

“I guess you're right...” Kara groused. “But still, did you see her? Lena! That elegant, well-spoken, supermodel used to be little 12-year-old Ruby!”

“Yes, darling, I saw her. I know.” She shook her head in amusement and led Kara over to the couch so they could finally eat.

“Sooooo...does she still like Supergirl or is she too old for that now?”

“You are not crashing dinner as Supergirl,” she said flatly.

“Lena...” she whined.

“Absolutely not. I forbid it.”

Kara peered at her suspiciously. “Is that really how our marriage works?”

“Completely.”

“Liar.”

“Do not come as Supergirl, Kara. I'm serious.”

“Fine.”

“Kara!”

“What? Okay. Okay. I promise. I will not come to dinner as either Kara Danvers or Supergirl.”

“Thank you.”

They started eating in silence and Kara pouted sadly through each bite.

Lena chuckled incredulously. “You and your puppy dog eyes. The most powerful person on Earth and this is what you resort to every time.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hm. Nice try. It might have worked on me in the early days, but I have built up an immunity to that pout, Kara Zor-El.”

“I just can't believe that you won't...” she trailed off in a mumble, taking another sad bite.

“Christ, you're the embodiment of a child who had their toy taken away.”

“You're a mean wife.”

Lena put her food down abruptly, and for a moment Kara was worried that she'd taken the teasing too far, but then she felt a firm hand sliding up the inside of her thigh and Lena's breath on her throat as she pressed herself pointedly against her side.

“Are you...absolutely certain of that?” Lena murmured seductively against her ear before dropping a kiss to her neck.

And she could swear...swear that she felt the lightest brush of Lena's tongue against her skin. Kara promptly dropped the entire contents of her lunch down her front.

Unfazed, Lena pulled away, sitting up properly, and picked up her container again as she took another bite of her unspoiled food. “There's a change of clothes in the closet,” she said smoothly. “Don't worry about the mess. I'll have it taken care of.”

Kara stared at her, breathing hard, while Lena just kept eating innocuously, not bothering to look at her.

Chapter Text

After the day ended, Kara left Catco without much idea of what to do. Lena was working late and going directly to dinner with Sam and Ruby from the office. Nia had tickets to a concert with old friends. She offered to blow it off if Kara wanted to hang, but Kara insisted she go ahead with her plans as usual. Without many options, she hoped Alex would be available and headed for the DEO. But when she got there, they told her that Director Danvers had already left. So had Agent Dox. That was a little strange considering it was still early in the workday. Alex never left work early - they were usually just lucky if she left on time. Curious, she called and it turned out Alex was already toiling away in Lena’s lab.

She left work...only to go do more work.

Well, Kara felt reassured that at least not that much about her sister had changed even if the rest of the world had.

“Pick up some pizza and meet me there.”

Kara made a face even though Alex couldn’t see it. “You want to have dinner in the lab?”

“No, your house, you goof. I’ll meet you outside.”

Her house. With Lena.

Did that ever get old?

Alex was leaning against a motorcycle in the circular driveway as Kara touched down.

“Took you long enough.”

“I’m sorry! They gave my order to someone else. How do you have the keys to the lab, but not my house?”

“I have restricted access to the lab,” she corrected. “And the house is...complicated. Lena is really serious about protecting you guys, which I am exceedingly grateful for, but it means I can't just drop by and water your plants.”

“Why not?”

“Well, to start, your force field would knock me out cold.”

“She has a force field?”

“Yeah, give me your phone.”

Kara handed it to her while she used X-Ray vision suss out some sign of this apparent force field, but nothing showed. She felt queasy.

“It's bio-tech so it responds based on physiology,” Alex explained. “You and Lena can walk through it without feeling a thing, but if you want to have a guest, you need to grant them temporary access.”

“So the force field doesn't kill them?”

“It's non-lethal." She scoffed. "Seriously, Kara. As if Lena would ever do that nor would you ever agree to it. Don't be ridiculous.” She held up the phone to show her what she needed to do and they made their way inside.

Alex was clearly as used to being there as she was Kara's old apartment, because she grabbed plates, napkins, and beer with practiced ease, knowing exactly where everything was – unlike Kara.

They settled on the couch with two boxes of pizza, a beer for Alex, and water for her.

“Hey." She pointed to the bottle in Alex’s hand. "I don’t get one?”

She rolled her eyes. “Give it up. The cat’s long out of the bag."

Kara was confused.

"You hate beer," she elaborated.

“What? No, I don’t!”

“Uh, yeah, you do. You admitted it while under the influence of some Mringian wine.”

“Mringian?” The name sounded vaguely familiar. “As in Mringa, the planet with the fires and people with a passion for all things dance?”

“The same. They're obsessed with you there. Gave you a lifetime supply of wine as thanks for just you being you.” She snickered.

Kara didn't know how to respond to that. “But I--"

“You hate the taste of beer. It was a night of revelations when you first tried that wine. I learned more things about you than I ever really wanted to know... Anyway, you told us that you've always hated it, but drank it because you wanted to fit in. Seem more human somehow." She shrugged. "At first, I was upset that you felt like you had to keep up the charade for so long, then it turned into me feeling super guilty cause it’s the most classic case of peer pressure so how did I not realize that, right? But you talked me out of the shame cycle. And I get why you did it. Really, I do. Besides, Lena hates it too. I think that made it easier for you to come clean.”

“Okay, wait, so if you know that I…actually don’t love beer so much…” she eyed Alex guiltily to which she only smiled and poked her playfully, “and Lena doesn’t like it, then why is there a six pack in the fridge?”

She faked indignation. “Uh, because I exist and you love me?”

Kara laughed and they toasted with her glass of water and Alex’s beer. It was all so normal and hardly changed that Kara could almost forget the strangeness of her new world. Alex would always be her sister and they would always be able to find their way back to moments like this. She could have even believed that the dream had ended and she was in her apartment again telling Alex all about it. They would laugh until tears at the idea of Kara marrying Lena Luthor and being a media mogul.

But Alex’s hair was too long.

The couch was too big.

And this house was certainly not her loft.

This was not the world she knew.

After a few moments of silence where Kara tore through her first slice of pizza and Alex searched for the remote, she couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“I thought I was straight.”

A testament to Alex’s character, or perhaps just how well she knew Kara, she didn’t so much as flinch.

“I thought you were too,” she replied simply.

In truth, Alex probably anticipated this conversation from the moment Kara whispered a confession that she might, bafflingly, be dating Lena. Instead of looking at her though, Alex found the remote that was tucked between the couch cushions and turned on the large flat screen mounted on the wall and started flipping through apps to find a movie.

Kara was almost finished with her second slice by the time Alex took her first bite.

“I didn't know that I could like girls that way. Women, I mean. What changed?”

Alex shrugged, eyes still on the TV. She seemed determined to be as unhelpful as possible in this situation.

She huffed. “Oh, come on! You’re not going to give me anything?”

Sighing, her sister dropped her hands in her lap and turned her head to her. “It’s your story, Kara. Your journey. And…this is one part that really isn’t my place to tell. I don’t think anyone can.”

She mulled that over in silence that while working on the third slice and Alex finished her first.

They still hadn’t decided on what to watch.

“You have to tell me something," she insisted finally. "We must have talked about this."

“Of course we did. We still do.”

“Then…tell!”

“I don’t know what changed for you. I can’t answer that. Only you can. And just because you can’t remember all the steps before you reached this point, doesn’t mean it’s not all still there.”

Kara dropped her half-eaten fourth slice in frustration. She’d already come to that conclusion well enough on her own. What she needed was more.

"I feel like I've been dropped in the middle of a movie I've never seen, except it's my own life, and I have no idea what the plot twists are that got me here. I'm... I've been trying really hard to stay calm about all of this, but I don't think--I don't think it's going to keep working for much longer. I need to know. I need to understand. Please."

Alex exhaled, seeming to take pity on her. She didn't rush to speak though, instead remained thoughtful and drawn. Her expression was one Kara knew all too well, it meant she was internally debating what to do next.

“Just say it. I know you’re already thinking something so, whatever it is, say it already."

“I don't think it's right to go into the whole story," she started slowly, "because it's not my place, but I'll tell you some of the things that you've told me. Just promise you won't freak out about it."

"Not sure I can promise that."

"Okay, then...don't shoot the messenger?"

Kara considered it for a beat. "Deal."

Alex shifted so that her whole body was facing her more comfortably and took a deep breath. "Before your first date with Lena, you and I searched the data banks of your mother’s AI program. Turns out...all Kryptonians are pansexual. I mean, that's not the word they used, but you said it was the closest translation of it.”

Kara made a small noise in the back of her throat - curious surprise, but wasn’t really surprised at all. Everything she'd been feeling since she woke up a few days ago pretty much told that story already. “That would explain a lot,” she admitted with a shrug.

Truthfully, she'd been thinking about the subject for far longer than she was willing to say. She usually tried not to think about her childhood on Krypton, but this couldn't be helped. Kara was never given much explanation about sex in a romantic context, only taught the basic biological function as a primitive means for reproduction. And Kryptonians weren't prone to displays of affection, not like humans were. Kryptonians loved fiercely, of course, but there was a greater element of formality to their customs that she knew most humans would view as 'cold'. It was one of hundreds of different customs she had to adapt to when she arrived on Earth. But thinking of Kryptonians as cold was too simplistic and ultimately inaccurate. There was warmth and love everywhere Kara went on Krypton, but it was shown in subtleties that humans would never pick up on. Physical affection was most commonly engaged in with children, but not between adults. Private and public displays between adults were far more complex.

Krypton had dyadic relationships, bonding rituals, arranged unions, even courtship - all things that were familiar to human customs, but only in concept - not in practice.  Kara was still too young to understand it all at the time, but she also didn't question it. She felt she knew all that she needed to know. She knew that when her father lingered in a room, gazing at her mother as if there was something to say, but no words spoken...that was love. When her mother would leave for court, she would bid farewell to them both and brush her hand over her father's shoulder as she walked past...that was love.

After Alex came out to her, Kara found herself trying to remember if Krypton had same-sex pairings. It seemed strange that in an evolved society like theirs, this would be missing. Then the memories slowly began to piece together. Flashes of moments and words and faces passed through her mind, seemingly insignificant memories of a child now seen through the lens of adulthood. She remembered her father's two best friends that were bonded - Ahn-Ral and Kann-Mil. So many shared dinners and social gatherings over the years as Kara ran circles around the residence. Whatever their jobs were, it had required a lot of travel for research so they would often bring her trinkets, souvenirs, from their off world voyages. They always made her mother laugh, a rarity for the solemnity of Alura, and for that alone Kara adored them. The presents were a bonus. She remembered thinking how she wanted to have a best friend like that, to go everywhere with, to share everything with someone she loved.

She remembered Kann-Mil mention their daughter once, that the girl was a little older than Kara, and how the adults had laughed when he said that maybe she and Kara would be friends one day. At the time, Kara didn't understand what was so funny about having more friends - it sounded like the most wonderful thing in the world to her. She remembered the look in Ahn-Ral's eyes whenever Kann-Mil spoke. It was the same her father had when he would linger in a room with her mother.

With further introspection, Kara wondered more about Astra's life as well. Her aunt had a number of female friends that would take turns joining her at family gatherings before she met Non. As a child, she just thought her aunt was lucky to have so many friends and hoped to be like her one day. That took on a whole different context now and no wonder her mother had given her that look when she said it.

But these memories were terrifying.

It meant that she'd forgotten. Years passing without a single recollection. These had only been buried, but how much more had she already forgotten about Krypton? More that she wouldn't be able to summon from the recesses. About her family? Her people? Their whole world?

How much would she continue to forget as time went on?

She was the Last Daughter of Krypton and her people deserved so much better than her as their legacy if she couldn't even remember those as important and as loved by her family as Ahn-Ral and Kann-Mil had been.

That same day, she sent a prayer to Rao asking forgiveness for not honoring the memory of those two men who had shown her kindness and brought such joy to her family. She hoped - in Rao's light - that they would forgive her.

Kara was fortunate to have love as a constant in her life, taking different shapes and forms, but romantic love - as defined on Earth - that was different. She never could quite reach the same wavelength that everyone else seemed to be on. But, growing up, Alex didn't have many relationships either, definitely nothing serious, so it made it easier to accept. If someone as amazing as Alex wasn't running around, obsessing about boys, throwing herself headfirst into love and heartbreak, then it couldn't be such a bad thing that Kara wasn't interested in it either.

Except Alex was gay. It turned out she was more than ready to throw herself wholeheartedly into the abyss when she allowed herself to accept having feelings for a woman.

What excuse did Kara have?

“But it doesn't-- I mean, that explains some of it, a lot of it even, but not everything." She ran her fingers through her hair, tugging slightly in frustration. "I still don’t understand why it took me so long to...”

“Experience sexual attraction?”

Kara nodded. She could believe loving Lena enough to marry her and happily spend the rest of her life with her best friend, but the sexual factor... There was a question mark where there should be something else. Something definitive at least. Though, she had to admit, the question mark was rapidly fading after these past few days.

Alex took a sip of her beer, contemplative. “Have you ever wondered why your crush on James deflated so quickly?”

She grimaced. “I mostly try to forget it ever happened. It was seriously awkward.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t great, but for a hot second there you were totally into him. Moony eyes and all.”

“Is it really necessary to humiliate me right now?” She hated thinking about that time. At least she and James were able to stay friends through it. “Yes. Okay. I thought I really liked him. And then, when it was about to happen, I just realized--”

“You weren’t that into him after all..."

Kara shrugged begrudgingly, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“...because you also had a massive crush on Lucy Lane,” Alex finished.

She bolted upright like someone had dumped a bucketload of Kryptonite ice down her back and grabbed Alex’s arm in shock.

“Too tight! Too tight!”

“I had a...” she trailed off, eyes widening in realization, and distractedly released her sister’s forearm.

“Damnit,” she muttered. “That’s gonna bruise.”

“I totally had a crush on Lucy!” Kara shouted triumphantly and smacked a throw pillow so hard that feathers exploded in the air. “Duh! How could I not? She was so pretty and smelled amazing and the way she could command a room...”

“Careful, you’re married now.” Alex coughed, unfazed, and tried to wave away the white cloud, but everything was sticking to her.

Kara was oblivious. “I can’t believe it!” she cried. “This explains so much!”

Alex sneezed and Kara absently handed her the box of tissues on the coffee table.

“Right, so it’s always been like this, but you convinced yourself you were straight due to Earth’s heteronormative tendencies.” She paused to blow her nose. The feather dust storm was settling down. “You were already an alien living among humans, why would you want to add anything else that would make you stand out? So you listened to your feelings when you liked a boy and any girls that you liked in the same way, you just considered them good friends. Didn’t question it. Determined to blend in and appear as inconspicuously human as you could. Sound about right?”

Kara slumped back on the couch in disbelief. “More than I ever thought possible. And you...you even explained it like that when you told me you were gay! I still didn’t put it together. Am I really that dense? I know we joke about it, but now it really seems more true than not.”

Alex eyed her sympathetically. “You had a lot more going on, Kara. There were other factors for you. Give yourself a break. Besides, take it from someone who knows, it's incredible what our minds can convince ourselves of with staggeringly little effort.”

She sighed despairingly and Alex patted her head.

“Come on... Stay with me. So the James thing was really a combination of you being into both Lucy and James, which is why it felt so intense for you. The jealousy, the attraction, the slightly obsessive tendencies, all of it. It was them combined, but you didn’t realize the part Lucy was playing in it. When Lucy was out of the picture and it was just you and James...”

“It fizzled,” Kara finished for her knowingly. “Because there weren’t really any strong feelings there to begin with. I knew we were better as friends.”

Alex nodded. “That’s what you told me anyway. You’ve done a lot of self-reflection in the past few years.” She made a long basket toss with the tissue for the waste bin, but it sailed by a yard and she groaned.

Kara didn’t hear it. She was a million miles away. Her attraction to men had always been so mild, and now that included women, but she thought it was because everyone she met was human while she was the alien. Then Mon-El changed it. 

But he didn’t, did he? If she was being completely truthful with herself, it hadn’t been a sexual attraction in the beginning with him either. Or a romantic one even. Whatever it was had slowly worked its way past her defenses. If she was brutally honest, she’d pushed hard to find those feelings in herself for him. He was an echo of Krypton. A distant reflection. It was the closest she'd been to her world since her parents put her in that pod. Once she could grasp it, she could keep those feelings afloat when he was there. Without him...everything went back to the way it used to be and she firmly shut the door behind her.

It was another reason why she believed he was the love of her life. She’d never been able to have a sexual relationship before him and didn’t feel drawn to anyone in the same way after him. Before now, anyway.

For Lena, she always felt everything except that one missing piece of the puzzle. Having to entertain the idea of being sexually attracted to her best friend that she loved so deeply while she had no idea that what she was feeling could be anything other than platonic... Well, if she'd even allowed those thoughts in, it would have destroyed her relationship with Lena and she would have done anything to keep that from happening. Of course she never let herself think like that. Her dreams had other ideas, but those were dreams and easily ignored if you try hard enough.

“Do you think it’s a Kryptonian thing?” she asked quietly. “The reason why I didn’t figure this out earlier?”

“Yes, I do." Alex came back from the kitchen with a towel on her arm and settled down again. "We know it for a fact, actually.”

“Also in the data banks?”

Alex nodded.

“Man, I cannot believe I didn’t study that program more...”

“When your species evolved without needing sex to reproduce, the equivalent of what humans consider a sex drive essentially lies dormant, or latent, in Kryptonians. Your body is basically designed to view sex as recreational rather than a biological imperative.”

Kara frowned. That explained, miserably, why her previous experiences had been so lukewarm and therefore easy to misinterpret. “So I really can’t enjoy sex as much as humans do. Makes sense, I guess.”

Alex grew a bit red in the face and started to fidget. “No, you, ah...you’re fine. All good in that department.”

“But you said—“

“It’s latent, Kara. It just doesn’t appear as urgently the way it does for humans at puberty, but it exists and it’s every bit as intense as humans feel, if not more, from what you’ve told me and I’ve heard,” she muttered the last bit through gritted teeth and took a deep breath. “You have an absurdly healthy sex life. You’re very active.” She cleared her throat uncomfortably. “No concerns.”

Kara’s face was redder than Alex’s now.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that’s...that’s good to know. Thank you.”

“No problem.”

“We don’t have to talk about this anymore.”

“Oh thank God.” She downed the rest of her beer.

A long moment passed in silence before Kara pointed at the towel with a furrowed brow.

“Why do you have an ice pack on your arm?”

An hour later, ‘Enter the Dragon’ was on screen while Kara and Alex were warmly snuggled under a blanket on the couch. After that super awkward but enlightening conversation, they decided a kung fu movie was as far from their reality as they could possibly get and it was exactly what they needed.

“Any leads on those pesky missing memories of mine?”

Bruce Lee was fending off 50 men alone. There was a lot of yelling in Cantonese. It was strangely comforting.

“We’re still waiting on some results for a few tests, but…nothing concrete yet.”

“You don’t even have a working theory? I thought Brainy would have a million of them.”

“He’s…toned down the theories,” she replied carefully.

Kara snorted in amusement. “Lena?”

“Oh yeah.” Alex chuckled. “She ripped him to shreds. He’s terrified, but I gotta admit it’s kind of nice that he’s filtering more before he speaks. I’m enjoying it while it lasts.”

“But what if the tests don’t show anything? What if—”

“We have a plan for that,” Alex cut her off. “Lena's been preparing her lab for a lot of work that we would never be able to do with DEO technology. There’s an answer to this and we’re going to find it. It’s Lena. You know she won’t rest until she figures it out. Neither will I.”

“What if this is just a freak occurrence and I never get my memory back?”

“A freak occurrence where you happened to have six years of memories removed with damn near surgical precision?” Alex shook her head. “This isn’t just happenstance. Whether it’s some kind of physiological reaction, psychological, or if this was done to you by someone or something… We will find the answer and we will fix it. I can’t imagine how hard this is on you, but you just need to be patient. Trust us.”

“You know I trust you.”

After the movie was over, and with repeated assurances from Kara that she was okay to be left alone, Alex kissed the top of her head and left. With nothing else to do, Kara cleaned up the remains of their meal and found herself wandering aimlessly around the house that she apparently called home.

Her home with Lena.

It still didn't quite register that any of this could be real.

Lena didn't get back until late that evening, a bit wine drunk.

When she came in the door, Kara looked up from her book and watched as Lena kicked off her heels and started tugging at the bun she'd had her hair wound up in. Long, dark locks were freed and fell softly over her shoulder in slight waves.

“You're back.”

She looked up in surprise, seeing Kara on the couch for the first time. “I thought you'd be asleep by now.”

“I...” Kara closed her book and blinked in surprise at her own answer. “I guess I was waiting for you.”

Lena exhaled softly, padding into the kitchen for a glass of water. “You didn't have to.”

“I know.” She got to her feet and found herself leaning against the island a bit awkwardly. “How was dinner with Sam and Ruby?”

“Hm. It was nice. Always good to see them.”

"Did they suspect anything when I didn't show?"

She shrugged. "I had a perfectly plausible explanation, but even with that...they were concerned. I knew they would be. Still, they know better than to press the issue. It's all right. Nothing that can't be fixed."

She sounded so far away.

“Is everything okay?”

Lena peered up at her and Kara saw the exhaustion in her eyes. “Yes, of course,” she replied and came closer to her around the side. “I'm just tired. I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Me neither,” Kara found herself saying before she could even think about it.

Lena hummed softly, as if she'd expected the answer. If it hadn't been for what was surely a few bottles of wine over dinner, she probably wouldn't have said what she did next.

“It's been a long time since we haven't spent the night together. To be honest, I don't sleep well without you anymore.” She rolled her eyes at herself. “We found that out some time ago when I had some business overseas. I planned to be there for two weeks, but by the end of the first week, we were both so sleep deprived, that you ended up just flying out there every night to sleep in the hotel with me. I wouldn't have made it through the rest of the trip otherwise and you were becoming Nia's narcoleptic twin, falling asleep at your desk.” Her smile was laced with melancholy.

Right then and there, Kara made up her mind. Awkward or not, she wasn't going to be the reason Lena was sleep deprived any further. She'd denied this long enough. Before she could say anything though, Lena leaned in with the lightest pressure of her fingertips on Kara's chest and a brush of her lips against her cheek.

“Goodnight,” she murmured and walked past her, heading up the stairs.

“Wait.”

Lena paused with a slight wrinkle in her brow, looking at her. Kara swallowed apprehensively and closed the distance between them.

“Can I... I mean, would it be all right if I slept in the other bed tonight? Um. Our bed?”

The wrinkle in Lena's brow deepened.

“Oh. I meant with you. If that wasn't clear." Kara rubbed the back of her neck. "I-I wasn't saying we should switch or anything. I just thought maybe...it was something we could try?”

Lena sighed, looking even sadder than she did when she walked in the door, and it killed Kara to see it.

“No, really, it's all right." She waved her off. "I shouldn't have said anything. It was unfair of me. I practically guilt tripped you just now. You know you shouldn't listen to me after I've had too much wine.”

“But--”

“I said no," she interrupted tersely. "It'll just make it worse.”

At that, she turned and continued up the stairs without another word. Kara was left to spin in her confusion. She waited until she heard the bathroom door close and the shower turned on before going back to the couch in defeat. How was she supposed to combat this? She knew that Lena didn't mean it. Not really. But how could she convince her that she truly wanted this too? And not out of obligation. She didn't really know what it was actually, but it wasn't a sense of duty or even friendly compassion. It wasn't any of that.

She wanted to know what it was like to share a bed with Lena. It was as if her body knew something that her mind didn't because every instinct told her that the awful restlessness of past few nights wouldn't be there again if Lena was beside her. If she could feel her weight on the other side, the slightest dip and rise of the bed with each breath, to be able to smell her, to feel her warmth...

Kara covered her face in disbelief and tried to take deep, calming breaths. Maybe she shouldn't be pushing so hard for this. She still knew so little about the life she lived now and remembered nothing, even if her body seemed to have some kind of sense memory that her mind lacked. Or had it always been there and she'd just ignored it?

When did this happen? When did she start associating this feeling of warmth, the same that she felt under the yellow sun, with Lena as well? She loved her friend and it made her heartsick when she saw the torment she'd caused her. The lies. The betrayal. Lena never deserved to feel pain like that and it destroyed Kara to know that she'd been the cause. She'd always convinced herself that she would be Lena's champion. Then somehow, slowly then all at once, Kara became the enemy, along with all the rest in Lena's life, and her worst fear came true – she lost her.

But Lena came back. She came back to Kara and she apologized. She helped take down Lex and Lillian. She protected Kara's identity. She kept her safe when she was using the Obsidian lenses. She made her a Kryptonite suit.

Things were uncomfortable between them, but they'd reached a truce. An unspoken agreement that they both wanted to repair what had been so terribly twisted and broken. Kara didn't have the slightest idea where to start and neither did Lena. But knowing that they both wanted to try? That was enough. She remembered watching Lena walk away that night. After all was said and done with her family. The others wanted to go for celebratory drinks and Alex was the one who invited Lena to join them, but she politely declined. She'd thrown a fleeting glance in Kara's direction and walked away before anyone could protest. Kara felt herself wanting to go after her, but Alex shook her head.

“Let her be for tonight. It's been a rough year. Give it time.”

Not knowing what was right in that moment, Kara decided to listen to her sister. She tried to swallow the knot in her throat and put on a smile as the others eagerly chattered around her, ready to throw off the shackles from the last few weeks after battling Leviathan and the Luthors. Nia slipped her arm around Kara's and tugged at her lightly.

“Come on, Supergirl. You of all people deserve to let off some steam.”

Kara just nodded and went along with them. She made it through one round of drinks before heading home, leaving her friends to enjoy the rest of their night. All she could feel was exhaustion. Mind numbing exhaustion. And it wasn't really that the back to back battles with Leviathan or the Luthors that did it. That was a physical weariness and, sure, there was a little bit of that, but mostly? It was something else she couldn't identify.

She just chalked it up to it being a weird few weeks and knew that she'd back to her usual self by morning. Probably. What was her usual self these days anyway?

Then she'd woken up here.

Now she was debating how to, or even if she should, convince Lena to let them share a bed? Kara belly flopped on the couch and pressed a pillow to her face. She didn't scream because even though muffled, Lena might hear. That was not something she wanted to have to explain.

She debated it when she heard the water shut off. She debated it when she heard the door open and Lena's soft footsteps moved across her room. She debated it when Lena went downstairs again to refill her glass of water, dressed in silk pajamas with damp, tousled hair, the sight of which tugged at something low in Kara's belly in a way that she was not at all used to feeling. She debated it until the moment she was standing in the doorway to the guest bedroom as Lena passed by.

She caught her elbow gently.

“Please?”

The silence after seemed to stretch for eons as Lena held her gaze.

And, finally, she nodded – unable to form the words, but it was enough.

Kara couldn’t help but feel intimidated by the size of the bed, seemingly magnified in this open room with a backdrop of National City’s lights. She realized she didn’t know which side to take, but didn’t want to make this any more awkward for Lena than it already was. She looked at the nightstands and nearly breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the slightly messy pile of books, a bound daily planner, several pens, a phone charger, and three pairs of identical glasses on the right side. Definitely hers. Lena’s side was much neater and sparse with only a tablet charging on a platform, a glass of water, and a box of tissues.

She quickly pulled back the covers and settled in. Lena had taken a detour to the bathroom and was turning off the light when she saw Kara sitting up in bed and...she looked confused.

Kara bit her lower lip. Had she gotten it wrong?

“What is it?”

Lena shook her head slowly. “It’s only… Never mind. It’s nothing.”

“No, please. Tell me. Did I do something wrong?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why…”

Lena’s gaze searched the room and something changed, the tension that was there moments ago evaporated, but somehow she seemed even more forlorn than before and slipped between the sheets without a word.

“Lena?”

She was quiet for a moment, contemplating her hands. “I just wondered, for a moment, if you’d remembered something.”

Kara was lost.

She took a deep breath and met her eyes. “When we first started to...share a bed...you didn’t know which side you preferred. I thought maybe you remembered, but,” she pointed to Kara’s nightstand, “it was obvious, right?”

Puzzled, Kara nodded anyway.

She knew which side of the bed she liked… Didn’t she? Well, she usually just slept in the middle. It wasn’t like she ever shared a bed with anyone besides Alex when they were kids on vacation. Oh. Well, there were those few times with Mon-El, but… Wait. She slept on the left side then. It never occurred to her to really think about it before. He just always took the right side so Kara had to take the left and that was it.

The look on her face must have given her away because Lena gently covered her hand with her own. Kara couldn’t help but look down at their joined hands and wondered if Lena felt what she did every time they touched.

“I once jokingly asked which side you preferred and it became readily apparent that you had no clue. You claimed it didn’t matter and just wanted me to tell you which side I wanted. Well…it mattered to me. So I refused to say. You were a little annoyed, but kind of curious too. You took the left side for a few nights and then, I don’t know what prompted it, but you were so shy, so nervous, and you asked if we could switch. Just to see. And that’s how we discovered you do have a preference after all.”

“I like sleeping on the right?”

Lena nodded.

“But…what about you? That’s not fair if I just chose and you ended up stuck with the default.”

A sly grin spread across her lips. “As it so happens, my preference is the left.”

“So it worked out perfectly. We…work perfectly.”

Lena sighed and her smile faltered for the briefest moment before she was able to summon it back.

“Yes. We do.”

She laid down, head on the pillow, and turned off the lights with a press of button on her nightstand, blanketing them in darkness. She didn't say goodnight.

Kara slowly followed suit and stared at the ceiling. Her mind turned over their conversation and combined with all she'd discovered with Alex earlier, about what it all meant, as she allowed herself to be lulled by the sound of Lena’s breathing growing even. Kara never really understood until now how comforting it was to have Lena near, to feel her closeness, the scent of her shampoo, the soothing familiarity of her heartbeat. Her presence alone always made things just feel…better. Long before tonight.

It was a while before Lena fell asleep, but as soon as she did, Kara dropped off as well.

Blissful was how she woke the next morning. Feeling fully rested, relaxed, and discovered that she'd curled around Lena with her head on her chest sometime in the night. Actually, not even that, her face was warmly nestled right between Lena's breasts.

Panic shot through her like a lightning bolt.

Unbeknownst, Lena stirred as well and kissed the top of her head, threading her fingers in Kara's hair lazily.

Kara was frozen. She didn't know what to do. She knew she was supposed to move and put a respectable amount of space between them because clearly Lena wasn't awake enough yet to remember their current situation, but she also...didn't want to. She liked the feeling of being pressed against her like this, of Lena beneath her, the soft heat of her body against every inch of her.

“Any change?” Lena mumbled, sounding still half asleep, and continued to stroke Kara's hair.

“No, I'm sorry.” She started to shift away. “So, so sorry, I shouldn't have been--”

Lena caught her and pulled her back into her arms with minimal effort. “It's all right. Stay.”

“But...”

“Are you worried I'll expect more from you?”

“No, of course not. I'm just...I feel like I'm taking advantage of you.”

Lena gave her sleepy grin and Kara all but melted at how content she looked in that moment. Unguarded. It was a rare sight and a wonder to behold.

“Taking advantage?” she chuckled throatily. “I'm your wife. Cuddling is implied in the marriage contract.” She paused. “Unless it's too much. I didn't mean to make you feel uncom--”

“You didn't,” Kara said quickly and settled back into her arms, her head resting on Lena's shoulder this time though, much more innocuous. “I'm just not used to this. I don't know what's okay and what's not. It's like... For me, we're moving so fast, but I know we're married so it's not fast, and it feels good...it feels right...but my head tells me that it's not. I'm sorry I'm making things so complicated for you.”

Lena's arms tightened around her briefly. “Do me a favor, love?”

“Anything.”

She truly meant it.

“No more apologizing.”

“I can do that.”

Lena exhaled softly and Kara could hear her heartbeat slowing as she dropped back off to sleep. Unable to keep the smile off her face, she let herself nuzzle lightly into Lena's neck, breathing her in, and watched the sun rise over the city while lying in Lena's arms. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this happy...or safe. Maybe on Krypton. Maybe not even then.

She only wished it could be real.

Chapter Text

A while after Lena dropped off again, Kara reluctantly disentangled herself, struggling to leave that perfect little burrow of comfort, to get ready for work. She looked back at her, still sound asleep despite the daylight pouring into the room, and the flutter in her chest was there again. It always was but she couldn't ignore it this time. Not the way she used to.

In the past, she'd always dismissed it as feelings of friendly affection. Platonic love. But this world she’d woken up to didn't give her that choice. The flutters had always meant something else and she didn’t get to deny that anymore. After a long moment, she blinked and turned away in heated embarrassment, realizing that she’d just been watching Lena sleep. So inappropriate and totally creepy. Shaking her head, she tried to pull herself out of the spell she’d been under.

Lena was already dealing with so much, supporting her unconditionally, having what seemed to be an infinite amount of tenderness and patience for her, so she really didn't need this muddying of waters between them. It wasn't fair to her when Kara couldn't remember a single thing about who they'd become. It was amazing though... She always knew that this was the kind of person Lena was for the people she loved, but she’d never seen it quite so clearly as she did now.

With a sigh, she tried to put all those thoughts aside and focused on showering while mentally preparing herself for another day as CEO. The fact that she wasn’t dreading it nearly as much as she thought she would was actually the scariest part of this new development of her career. She never thought this was something she’d be doing one day, let alone enjoy doing.

When she finally decided to be a reporter, and naturally that revelation owed much to Lena, she thought that was it. That was her career for life. Considering how much time Supergirl required, there was no feasible way to move up and still be able to balance the work/superhero life. She’d always thought that her life as Kara Danvers would be shrouded in anonymity and now she'd discovered that she’d thrown all of that to the wind, stepping forward proudly into the world as Kara Danvers, CEO of Catco Worldwide Media, two-time Pulitzer Prize winner, last year's Siegal Award for Women in Media winner, currently on the short list for this year’s Nobel based on a series of articles she wrote that she was also considering turning into a book (according to Nia), and wife of billionaire tycoon/genius scientist, Lena Luthor. Her parents would have been proud. She didn't end up being the Science Guild prodigy they intended on Krypton, but at least she married one.

Rao.

All of this was enough to make her head spin so much that she had to sit down if she let herself think about it too much.

So she wouldn't think about it.

After showering and dressing, she made her way down to the kitchen. The other day, she’d gone with the easiest thing to make with whatever was in the first cabinet she opened. But she hadn’t really explored the kitchen beyond that. There was a door that looked like it might lead to a closet at the end of the counter, but it was an odd spot for a closet. Curious, she opened it and her jaw dropped. It was a massive walk in pantry. Stocked to the ceiling with every imaginable dry and canned good product. If this was in any average human’s home, it would look like they were preparing for the apocalypse and they likely would have a bomb shelter built underneath the house ready to withstand a nuclear winter.

But this was the home of a Kryptonian living on Earth which made this restaurant quality pantry absolutely perfect. Kara wandered in and scanned all the products with delight, noting how every single one of her favorites was in there. Not just one, but in multiples! She could hardly contain the glee of seeing so much food at her fingertips, but it also presented her with a conundrum.

For the life of her, she couldn’t decide what to eat first.

She probably stood there for a solid 9 minutes internally debating what she’d have for breakfast until the choices became so overwhelming that she just grabbed a box of her favorite cereal and resolved to try diving deeper next time.

When Lena finally came down, still in her pajamas, Kara had already polished off several bowls and was pouring herself another. Lena didn’t look like she was in a rush or even close to getting ready for work, which was odd because it was getting late. Kara had the advantage of flight and super-speed, but Lena still kept up her image and had a driver take her to work every day. She’d mentioned that it was actually an enjoyable commute because it was quiet, relaxing, and she got more done on the drive to and from L-Corp than she did in hours at her desk with all the interruptions.

Lena went straight for the coffee that Kara brewed and seemed to savor each drop as she tucked her hands around the warmth of the mug, sipping it, and cradled it close to her chest.

“No work today?”

“I decided it would be best to work from home. I was hoping you'd call Julian and let him know the same.”

Kara put down her bowl with a pensive expression. “Lab day?”

Lena nodded. “Lab day.”

The second day was worse than the first. So much worse.

The first was okay actually, all things considered. There were some hiccups and awkwardness, but it went by quickly. Lena didn't ask her to stay there for very long.

But it began the moment she entered the underground building.

The feeling that her clothes weren't fitting right, too tight somehow, even though they'd been perfectly fine up to that moment. There was this grating edge to every noise she heard. A restlessness that itched at the back of her neck. It wasn't until that evening, after they had dinner, cleaned up, and were getting ready for bed, when Kara changed out of the day's clothes and into what should have been much more comfortable pajamas, that she realized it wasn't her clothes that were too tight, it was her skin.

In between tests, to fill the silence, and distract herself from the growing discomfort, Kara asked questions.

“Are you sure there's nothing I can do to help?”

“Not with this.” Lena glanced at her sympathetically. “I'm sorry. I know I'd be climbing the walls if the roles were reversed.”

“Was considering climbing Everest instead. It’d take all of 2 seconds.”

“Think about it this way,” a teasing glint in her eyes, “if I can't figure it out here, Alex will probably take to the streets and start doing shakedowns. I'm sure you'll be able to jump in on that fun. Maybe punch a few bad guys while you're at it.”

“I'm not opposed to the idea, but... Really?” she decried. “Take it to the streets? Shakedowns? You make my sister - the highly trained, human lethal weapon, director of a massive government black ops - sound like a cheesy beat cop from the 90s.”

“If the ill fitting blue uniform fits...”

“Lena!” she gasped dramatically. “If she heard you speaking such profanity...”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” she rolled her eyes, “kill me with her pinkie, they'd never find the body, et cetera, et cetera.”

“Ah, you've already had this discussion.”

“Only about a hundred times over the years. She's all talk in her old age.”

Kara clapped a hand over her mouth to smother the giggles. “You are a braver woman than I, Miss Luthor. I don't know how you've made it this long.”

“Wanna know the secret?”

Kara nodded eagerly and propped her hand up on her chin, listening intently as Lena leaned in with a whisper.

“Marry a Super.” She raised her eyebrow mischievously. “They come in very handy during those life or death situations.”

Kara snorted. “There's no way I fight your battles for you with Alex.”

“You don't have to. She knows how much you love--” She stopped, closing her mouth, and turned away stiltedly. “I mean, she just knows you wouldn't appreciate being widowed.”

“Oh. Sure.” Kara rubbed the back of her neck. “That makes sense.”

A few minutes passed in awkward silence and Kara found herself staring at the walls again, lightly kicking her heels at the exam table.

“So how did it happen anyway?” she tried, desperate for distraction. “Since we're talking about Alex. I thought it was really... Well, it seemed like she and Kelly were in it for the long haul. I tried asking her about it, but she shut me down. Hard. Kinda sorta scared to try again.”

“It’s a sensitive topic. They broke it off about 3 years ago.”

“But why?”

Lena looked uncomfortable. “It was just one of those things. A mistake you can’t come back from. No matter how much both parties want to.”

“Cheating?” Kara caught on, gaping. “That's horrible! I never thought Kelly would be the type—“

“It wasn’t Kelly.”

Her back went ramrod straight. Every muscle in her body tensed. “No. Absolutely not.”

Lena seemed to expect it. “Everyone makes mistakes.”

“Alex would never!” she insisted, bordering on angry. She didn't know where the sudden intensity came from. “I know my sister and she would never do that.”

“Maggie was in town for a while,” Lena continued calmly. “Visiting. So they met up a few times, just catching up really. But Alex...I don’t think she ever fully got over her. So one thing led to another and...”

“Stop. Just stop.” Kara put her hand over her mouth, feeling ill. “I can’t... It's Alex.”

“I know. It was a shock to everyone. Alex most of all. Anyway, she said she realized what a mistake it’d been and that what happened was the last bit of closure she needed. She was ready to move on, but it was too late, of course. Damage done. They tried to make it work, Kelly tried to get past it, but there are some wounds that go too deep.”

She shook her head. “Alex must have been devastated.”

“They both were. Betrayal often comes with the highest price.”

Kara looked up sharply at that, but Lena said nothing more.

They didn’t talk about Alex and Kelly anymore.

That night, they went to bed late. Lena fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. She'd worked the whole day in the lab, long after she'd freed Kara, and nearly nodded off into her wine at dinner. Kara had ushered her to bed after that without protest.

As she lay beside Lena, the unease that began earlier continued to grow. She couldn't sleep. Careful not to wake her, Kara got up, donned the familiar second skin, and flew out over the city.

This wasn't the first time she'd done it or even the second. She'd gone flying over National City almost every night since she woke up in this new life. Watching...listening... Alex told her to back off on the responsibilities of Supergirl and she did, but she couldn't let go completely. Patrolling was one of the few semblances of normalcy she had left. It usually helped, but tonight was different.

It didn't soothe her the way it did before. It didn't relieve the tension in her jaw or the heat behind her eyes. It helped a little, but not nearly enough.

A couple hours later, she tried to slip back between the sheets undetected, but only managed to put her hand on the mattress before Lena's voice sounded in the dark, not a trace of sleep to be heard.

“Patrolling?”

Kara winced and sat down at the edge of the bed, her back to Lena. “I'm sorry. Did I wake you?”

“You’re very stealthy, but...I feel when you're gone.”

It wasn't an admonishment, but Kara felt a guilty tug all the same. She mumbled more apologies, but Lena moved closer.

“It's all right. I knew where you were. Even with a couple years to get used to having others step in as the hero so you don’t have to, you’re always still on the alert to protect the city. To protect the world. It’s your calling. With time, I think it’s gotten a little easier to accept stepping away, but you still do a patrol sweep of the city every night. Sometimes during the day too. You don’t get involved, which pains you to the core, but I think just being there sometimes even only as back up, should they ever need it, it helps.”

Kara nodded even though she wasn't sure Lena could see it in the dark room. “It does. Even though they don’t need me, just knowing that I'm there if they do…it makes me feel a little less useless.”

“You are the furthest thing from useless.”

She swallowed thickly when Lena's hand came to rest intimately on her lower back.

“But I understand feeling the need for a purpose greater than what our day jobs are. Kara, between us, we oversee about 100 companies that are making a difference in the world, making a better world. The strides we’ve made in the past few years will have a lasting impact for generations. But it’s easy to get lost in the mind numbing minutiae of day-to-day busywork and feel like you’ve accomplished exactly nothing worthwhile.”

Her voice was rich and low against Kara's ear as she touched her chin to Kara's shoulder, moving closer still, molding herself to Kara's back, soft and sleep-warmed. Kara's heart thumped wildly against her chest, which seemed deeply unfair since Lena's remained steady as ever. Only the slightest stutter every now and again gave away that she might be affected as well.

“Which is why you’ll always find me tinkering away in a lab on Fridays instead of my office. Also on weekends...but I try not to do that too often because I want to be with you and our friends. And you don't really give me a choice sometimes,” she admitted with a wry chuckle. “What I mean is, I still work on my personal projects, my research, my own inventions, because it makes me feel like I have a purpose when I can build something with my own two hands. Intellectually, however, I know I could delegate most of that work and be far more efficient if I didn’t insist on doing it myself. I imagine it’s a similar feeling for you when it comes to being Supergirl. Except on a much grander scale.”

Kara's throat tightened and she didn't hesitate. She tugged Lena into her arms, holding her in silence for a while before turning her nose into her hair.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“For what?”

“For understanding. For making me feel less alone.” She sighed. “For everything.”

It seemed to be better then. The strange feeling that had lingered throughout the day was finally banished and she was able to fall asleep.

But the second lab day proved her very, very wrong.

They went back the next morning for another round of tests. Lena warned her that this day would be longer than yesterday, but Kara reassured her that she would manage just fine. Anything to figure out what happened.

She really did have to marvel at the lengths Lena went to create this underground city that they so underwhelmingly referred to as a paltry 'laboratory'. She'd only seen a fraction of the interior so far, but each section she discovered was more mind-blowing than the next. Not to mention that Valor was definitely a heavyweight champ in any battle she and Kelex were waging - in Lena's mind anyway.

Valor floated benignly in place across from her at eye level as Kara stared her down from where she was seated on the exam bed.

“So my family worshiped Mordo,” she said, looking the AI with a scholarly sort of scrutiny, arms crossed, “what are the eight principles of raogrhys?”

“Apologies, Lady Kara, but I must correct you,” the AI replied. “The House of El is sworn to Telle under Rao – god of Sapience and Enlightenment. And there are only six principles of raogrhys: English translation – power.”

Kara slapped her hands on the bed. “Shoot! I thought I had you.”

“Does Lady Kara wish me to list the six principles of raogrhys?”

“No, no,” Kara grumbled. “I'm convinced you know them.”

“Should I bring in a chessboard for you two?” Lena asked, her back to them as she watched several monitors. “If you're so intent on waging a battle of the wits...”

“I'm just admiring your work,” she replied innocently. “Testing her out, seeing how brilliant you are.”

“Any conclusions after all this admiration so far?”

Kara looked Valor up and down, squinting in appraisal. “Can you get me a number ten from Mister Jiu's?”

“Affirmative. Order placed. Estimated time of arrival is 3 hours, 41 minutes, and 29 seconds.”

“Yes!” she shouted delightedly, pumping her fists in the air. “Valor has officially passed the test. You're a certified genius, Lena. Unparalleled.”

“Wait, why on earth would the delivery take so long?” She looked over her shoulder in surprise. “Where did you order from, Shanghai?”

“No, San Francisco. It's the closest thing we can get to the real thing without having to cross an ocean.”

Lena shook her head. “As long as you're enjoying yourself.”

Kara deflated a little at that. “Well, what else am I supposed to do for entertainment? You say you can't talk because you have to focus on monitoring all this stuff and I'm not allowed to go anywhere so am I supposed to sit here silently staring at a wall, for hours on end, for what would be two days in a row now? That's how people lose their minds, Lena.”

“I wasn't arguing, darling,” she chuckled. “I'm happy you're happy about the soggy, cold Chinese takeout dish you're getting in 3 hours.”

“Approximately 3 hours, 39 minutes, and 58 seconds, Miss Luthor.”

She rolled her eyes. “Thank you and you're excused, Valor.”

“Yes, Miss Luthor.”

The AI floated out of the room and Kara just barely resisted waving goodbye. “Aw, you sent away my new friend.”

“It wasn't personal,” Lena answered distractedly, gathering some interesting looking tech from the counter. “Her presence would cause an EMI event with the next test.”

So far, the so-called 'tests' Lena wanted to do weren't nearly as invasive as Kara thought they might be. In fact, she'd really just been sitting there twiddling her thumbs and playing with Valor while seemingly invisible machines did things that she didn't even bother asking Lena to explain.

“What's next then?”

Lena didn't answer, instead she pressed a few buttons on her pad and the lights overhead changed. The fluorescents dimmed and a strange, flat red light blanketed the room. Kara looked around curiously and watched as Lena opened a box that contained several neatly rowed circular devices. They powered up and whirled into the air, beeping and rudely flashing lights.

Lena came over and placed two wireless electrodes on either side of Kara's temple, one on her forehead, and one at the base of her skull. “Lie down, please. It won't take long.”

Though feeling unsettled, Kara did as told, eyeing the whirly things as they formed a perfect semi circle above her. “Is this when the torture begins? They look like they're about to zap me.”

“They're just taking neural scans.”

“They're probes,” Kara said, glaring up at the noisy little balls. “You're probing me.”

Lena was only paying half attention as the results poured in on her screens. “Is this the part where I play the mad scientist and cackle about how I've got the alien all to myself?"

“You've definitely set the scene for it,” Kara admitted, still staring up at the devices, her skin starting to itch even more.

She didn't know why she felt so restless. Last night it seemed to get better, only to somehow be even worse today. She tapped her fingers anxiously against the bed and considered zapping one of the little balls with her heat vision. Just because. But the whirlimajigs seemed to be finished already and they flew back over to the box Lena had open for them, powering down harmlessly.

“You can sit up now.”

Kara breathed a sigh of relief and shot up at once, grateful not to be lying down anymore. Lena removed the electrodes with a swift, professional sort of detachment. The disquiet continued to gnaw away at her insides and she rubbed the back of her neck, trying to relieve the tension.

“Is there a reason why you need to make the room look all sinister and foreboding with that light?” she grumbled. “As if a lab isn't intimidating enough when you're the subject.”

Lena was too engrossed in parsing through the data on her screen to respond fully, but she kicked a metal stool towards Kara without looking. “Bend it.”

“What? Why? Aw man, I was really going to try to make it through a whole 48 hours without breaking something in here.”

“Go on.”

Sighing, Kara picked up the stool and bent it.

Except she didn't.

It didn't so much as creak.

Baffled, she tried harder. Nothing happened. Her brow furrowed intensely as she put so much effort into it that she was groaning, but the stupid thing never budged. Unease rose in her chest like a tidal wave. She dumped the stool on the floor with a loud clatter.

“What happened to my powers?”

Lena didn't seem to notice the edge in her voice. She simply gestured to the lights around the room. “Red sun emitters.”

“Red sun as in...Krypton's sun?”

“Yes, I was able to recreate the radiation of a red sun for an indefinite period of time and increased the concentration of the solar waves. The radiation is harmless. The DEO only ever managed to incorporate it into hand grenades for short but powerful bursts to slow a Kryptonian in a fight. Vastly shortsighted use of it.”

Her stomach churned. “And, naturally, you discovered a way to incapacitate me better than they ever could.”

Lena was oblivious. She had that so-familiar-it-hurt tone of delight she always had when telling Kara about one of her new inventions. “I continued to experiment and tried incorporating trace amounts of Harun-El to be released every time they're turned on. The results were remarkable! It increased its effectiveness by roughly 900%.”

Ice shot through Kara's veins. “You're using Harun-El...” she croaked. “Right now?”

Lena waved her hand. “A barely detectable amount. By combining the two, the Harun-El briefly affects your molecular makeup in a way that allows you to absorb solar radiation instantaneously. Before, it took some time for your cells to fully succumb to the radiation, which meant about a 15 minute lag until you didn't have your powers anymore. That would have been fine, but I knew I could improve the reaction time, and--”

“And in your mind,” Kara interrupted darkly, “you somehow thought that it was perfectly okay to use black kryptonite on me.”

She didn't realize how loud her voice was until she heard it echoing back. It seemed to be enough to finally pull Lena out from the giddy research-induced tunnel vision. She spun around, concern written all over her face with an unasked question. Kara couldn't look her in the eye as fury seethed in her chest.

“You're upset by this.” Lena's shoulders fell with sigh. “That's understandable. I mean, for you, you must be thinking of—”

“Being trapped in a block of ice with kryptonite flooding my body?” she snapped. “Yeah. It was a thought.”

“I'm sorry.” She crossed her arms protectively. “I wasn't thinking about how close that memory is for you right now. But I didn't-- It's made so many things possible! The circumstances under which this came about is for an entirely different reason than what you're thinking.”

Kara scoffed. “Please. Like this didn't happen when you were plotting your revenge against me that whole year.”

Lena's voice was quiet. “It didn't.”

“It's fine. I'm fine.” She shook her head with a scowl. “I should know to expect this by now anyway. After everything...” She exhaled shortly. “You'd think the least you could do is give me a warning, but you're using it for good so I don't get to be mad, right? That's usually how you like to justify yourself.”

Lena sucked in a shaky breath, seeming like she didn't know what to say. She just nodded and turned back to the monitors. It was a long moment before she glanced over her shoulder, her gaze low and fixated on some random spot on the bed next to Kara. “I assure you, I won't turn the lights on again without your permission.”

“Is this the part where I say I believe you?”

The look on Lena's face said that Kara might as well have struck her.

They didn't speak for the rest of the morning.

Alex arrived around noon, just as Lena was able to let Kara take a break to stretch her legs. She was by the pool behind the house when Alex came around. Kara dragged her bare foot through the water, kicking up a huge wave that dumped half the pool onto the surrounding area.

“I see your day is going well.”

“I don't want to talk about it.”

“Lena told me.”

Kara groaned and spun around. “What is that about? Are you guys best friends now or something? Cause I hate this odd man out thing. You're my sister, you're supposed to be on my side!”

“Kara, I love you both. There's no side here. What is going on?”

She couldn't hold back any longer.

“Her entire lab is lined with lead!” She gestured wildly. “Her house, supposedly my house too, is surrounded by a force field and other crazy scary defenses that I don't even know about yet. She made a device that renders me completely powerless! And then had the nerve to act like it was totally normal to use her stolen formula for Harun-El on me? Where's the rest of the kryptonite, Alex? Does she have it stockpiled somewhere for a rainy day when she decides to hate me again?”

“Stop.” Her sister held her hand out warningly. “I know that you're going through a rough time right now, but Lena doesn't deserve that. Least of all from you. Don't you dare do this to her. You both have been through enough.”

“Me?” she echoed. “How am I to blame in all of this? She's the one coming up with every weapon possible to hurt--”

“Are you insane? Look around! You live in paradise! Lena has devoted her life to helping people. To create and inspire and be a force for good in this world. She won't admit it, but she fights like hell to make sure that she is somehow, in her mind, deserving enough to be at your side.”

“You don't get to be so self-righteous about this,” Kara replied irritably. “I distinctly remember being the only one, for a long time, who believed in Lena's capacity for good.”

“You're right. It's one of my greatest regrets and Lena knows that. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to her. She's my family now.” She exhaled, softening for a moment. “I know how much it hurt, Kara. You had such faith in her and she hurt you. You hurt each other. But you have to realize that we are so far past that now. Everything Lena has done these past six years is to make the world a better place. It's not even about the Luthor name anymore.”

“No? I seem to remember her choosing the Luthors even after everything Lex did to us and to--”

“She made a mistake.” Alex interrupted. “After feeling like there was no one left in the world that would love her, after she found out that everyone in her life that she cared about was lying to her, of course she tried to seek solace anywhere she could and ended up turning to her brother. But you seem to be forgetting that she killed him, Kara. For you! You lost the last six years, but I know you didn't lose the memory of that. Lena made a mistake when she sided with Lex, but I know now that it was because she saw it as a potential second chance, however small, to wipe some of his blood off her hands. It was a doomed cause. She knew that too.”

“So that makes it okay then?” she replied venomously, hands on her hips. “She sided with her murderous brother instead of us, instead of me, because her feelings were hurt and that makes it okay? No! Alex, she helped him build the monstrosity that he used with Leviathan! E-even if she didn’t know the exact details, she always knew what a monster Lex was. Deep down, she knew, and she sided with him anyway. I was barely ready to forgive her, let alone try to trust her again, and then I woke up and this is my world! This is suddenly my life?”

“You've only seen a small sliver of it.” Alex interlocked her fingers pleadingly. “We've been so focused on protecting you and doing everything we possibly can to get your memories back...you wouldn't have seen the rest. Kara, your public life as Supergirl has grown times a thousand. Whatever spotlight you thought was on you before, it's gone seriously global in the past few years. And it's an extraordinary amount of responsibility on Lena's part because the world now sees her as one of Supergirl's allies. Everything she does is scrutinized beyond belief, more than they even hold you accountable for. For every criticism you receive, Lena gets it times ten. The people love you. You're the dashing superhero who sacrifices herself to save others. But the standard they hold Supergirl to is nothing compared to what they expect of her.”

Alex sighed.

“Lena doesn't just try to be good, Kara, she literally fights for it because the whole world is itching for the chance to knock her down if she so much as flinches. But she's still here. She's saved your life, my life, our friends, and the entire universe, a dozen times over. We would not be standing here today with you making a childish mess of your own backyard if it wasn't for her.”

Kara knew she should listen. She knew she should find a way to rein it in and have more compassion and be reasonable. But the rage wouldn't subside. Everything Alex said only seemed to fuel it somehow and she couldn't push it down as it reared its ugly head. It coursed through her veins with such fire and built behind her eyes that she clenched her fists at her side as she desperately tried to keep herself from blasting everything in sight.

“You say this stuff, but I don’t remember any of it!” she replied furiously. “How am I supposed to know that this is real? How do I know you’re actually my sister? Maybe this really is a different Earth and the multiverse survived after all. Or this could be just some trap in my mind! Another Black Mercy attack. Or maybe I’m in a coma again! Maybe Lena’s even the one behind it.” She chuckled miserably. “This whole world seems to be centered on her so…why not?”

“Wow.” Alex shook her head. “I don't... It's strange, but I don't remember this side of you, Kara. Maybe it's unfair on my part, to expect more, but Jesus.”

“There’s no proof! Why can’t you understand where I’m coming from? The Alex that I know would at least try to see it from my side!”

“Your side?” she repeated disdainfully. “You know…while you've been moping around like a spoiled child, what do you think Lena's been doing?”

Kara’s clenched her jaw and said nothing, but Alex pointed as if she’d given away the answer.

“Exactly! She's been working non-stop to find the tiniest breadcrumb that could lead to an explanation as to why your brain has a black hole where six years of your life should be. Kara, you're still my sister, but Lena lost her wife. Do you get that? You're treating her like she’s the enemy when to her you're...” She shook her head again. “It's not right. I don't expect you to be the same person and I can't imagine what you must be experiencing, but I do expect you to be better than this.”

Kara was speechless as Alex walked away.

Chapter Text

It took a while before Kara finally worked up the nerve to go back into the house. The forgotten delivery from Mister Jiu's arrived with her cold and soggy number 10 and she had to meet the delivery woman at the end of the long driveway where there was a massive, locked wrought iron gate. She had no idea how to open it except to break it...a little. The meal was already paid for in addition to an extremely generous tip. Valor covered all the bases. Bag in hand, Kara stared at the front door for a long moment before finally reaching for the handle.

Her sister was in the kitchen making lunch. Which was...different. A different kind of normal.

She couldn't remember the last time she saw Alex actually making her own food. Were things really so changed now? She dropped the takeout on the counter and sat down without a word, but Alex didn't even acknowledge her presence.

Accidentally reducing the first pair of chopsticks to sawdust, Kara took a deep, calming breath before successfully (gently) snapping the second set apart. She dug into the meal at once, not caring that it was cold and soggy as predicted, and inhaled it in just about 60 seconds flat. She couldn't even taste it.

Meanwhile, Alex kept her back to her as she mixed some fresh greens and grilled chicken and Kara stared at her in silence, mind racing with all the things she wanted to say, but bit back. How could she make her see? How to make her understand? This was all new territory. Before, Alex would never have straddled a line of loyalty between her and Lena. It was downright unthinkable even. If Kara had voiced a concern about her before, Alex would have been kicking down doors and throwing Lena into a DEO cell before Kara even managed to finish the sentence. But now...

Unable to keep still, she jumped up from the chair, throwing away the empty containers, and paced back and forth on the opposite side of the island, glancing at Alex's back every few seconds.

Finally, she halted and slapped her hands on the counter.

“You have to understand, for me, in my head, Lena just stopped working with Lex days ago. This past year, s-she’s done nothing but try to hurt me! To punish me. And I know that I deserved some of it, but the other things...” Kara started pacing again. “I want to be over this, Alex. I want to forgive her, to move on and not think about all that happened. I want it all back the way it was before we hurt each other. It’s killing me that I still feel this way, that I can’t just...” She sighed. “I know none of this is fair to Lena, but I’m trying. You have to see that.”

Alex didn’t make eye contact, instead she wiped her hands on a towel and pushed a bowl of salad she’d just prepared towards her. “Bring this to Lena. I know she hasn’t eaten today.”

Kara stared down at it for a long moment before looking back up in disbelief.

“That’s it? That’s-that’s all you’re going to say?”

“Yup.”

Kara stood there for a long moment, torn between confusion and a startling sense of anger. She stared at the side of Alex’s head, unable to choose between the two. Meanwhile, Alex continued her lunch preparation, business as usual, nothing out of the ordinary. It was as if Kara was an intemperate child and Alex was the level headed mother waiting it out.

Was she really being so unreasonable that even Alex, the most steadfast and loyal person in her life, couldn’t see her side? Was she truly that far off the mark?

No.

This was wrong. Kara had a right to be angry and just because they all moved on didn’t mean that it was okay for them to expect her to do the same at the snap of their fingers. She finally grabbed the bowl and stormed off to the lab without another word. Alex didn't turn around.

Thank Rao for Valor because without her, Kara would have assuredly been wandering the labyrinth of the lab for hours.

Lena was in a different room than earlier. It was walled with screens and on the left, there was a large console that had a detailed holographic projection of what Kara was certain was her own brain, rotating slowly at 360 degrees. Lena was sitting on a high stool at the center of it all. So impressed and distracted by the technological advancements Lena had made in just the past six years, Kara jumped slightly when Valor announced her arrival.

“Lady Kara for you, Miss Luthor.”

“Thank you, Valor,” Lena replied without turning around.

The AI left them alone and Kara felt incredibly awkward standing there with a bowl of food in her hand while Lena didn't seem interested in acknowledging her presence.

Of course. Why would she expect anything different? Maybe Alex was taking a page out of Lena's playbook.

Gritting her teeth in frustration, she nearly shattered the bowl in her firm grip. The conversation with Alex earlier had succeeded in knocking her down a few pegs, but a storm still raged beneath the surface. Kara couldn’t let it go. Not yet. The wounds were too raw and despite all that she’d done to try to ignore that pain, to make this new reality work somehow, it wasn’t going away.

She was still furious.

And still devastated.

Lena, her best friend, the woman she believed in with her whole heart, lied and went behind her back to make the one thing in the world that could kill her. And then used it against her in the one place she had left of her home, on Krypton’s soil, despite all her promises about how she never would do such a thing. How was Kara supposed to forget about all of that?

“Alex made you lunch,” she said woodenly.

“Thank you.” Lena pointed to an empty surface. “You can leave it over there.”

Begrudgingly, she put it down, and looked at Lena who still had her back to her. Ugliness burned and clawed inside her chest.

“Isn’t this supposed to be the other way around?”

Lena stiffened, but said nothing, remaining in place.

“Alex said I’m being a child, but you’re the one who can’t even face me.”

“Don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what?” she snapped. “Be mad? Be angry with you for the choices you made? Where you hurt people? Sided with your evil sociopathic brother against the world?”

Lena spun around. “I never meant to hurt anyone! I didn’t know what he was doing.”

“That’s a lie and you know it. I thought we didn’t lie to each other anymore? Isn’t that what you said?”

“We don’t!” she cried, taking a step forward, nostrils flaring, before she seemed to catch herself. She breathed deeply and clasped her fingers so tightly they turned white. It was a long moment before she met Kara’s gaze again, but when she did, Kara almost wished she hadn’t.

There was so much pain in her eyes.

“I dreaded this part,” she said thickly. “I knew if we had to start all over again then inevitably this part had to come alongside the good. Kara, we have been down this road far too many times and I will not relitigate old arguments with you. I can't. Please don't ask me to.”

“I’ve never said any of this before!” she exclaimed. “How can you expect me to move on if I can’t even say what I’m feeling first? Everyone just expects me to be okay, but I'm not. I am not okay with this! I can't keep pretending like nothing happened. Like it didn't affect me. Because it did!”

Lena turned away, swearing under her breath. She stood there for a long beat, hand over her mouth, seemingly warring with herself before she faced Kara again with that terribly familiar mask of businesslike indifference.

“Fine.”

“...Fine?”

“Yes, fine. Say it. Say the things you need to say. Get it all out.”

“Now?”

“Right now.”

“Okay, well...” She stumbled, thrown by the startling cold against the fury she felt. “Where do I even start?”

“Anywhere you want.” Lena was inscrutable. “You know what? I’ll help get things kicked off with a classic. You’re angry that I manufactured kryptonite and hid it from you.”

The cool nonchalance in the way she said it just made everything in Kara’s chest implode.

“Hid it and lied because you knew how wrong it was.”

“That’s your opinion, but not a fact, unfortunately.”

“You stole Myriad.”

“Yes, I did.”

“And then imprisoned me in the Fortress by programming it to turn on me. Trapped me in a case of ice laced with kryptonite and just...left me there. To what? Rot? You knew it wasn’t enough to kill me, but you wanted me to suffer. How long did you think I would be stuck in there? How long did you hope for?”

“I knew the others would find you soon enough.”

“That doesn't answer my question.”

“I wanted you in there long enough for me to leave without you stopping me.”

Kara rolled her eyes. “Another lie.”

“What do I have to gain by lying to you now? Listen to my heartbeat, Kara. You’re purposely avoiding it because you don’t want to believe me. You’re not ready to.”

“Who are you to tell me what I’m ready for?” she replied bitterly. “You don’t know anything about me!”

“I know more than you think. But back then? Whose fault was it then that I didn’t know you?”

“I was trying to protect you!”

Lena nodded. “That was a part of it, but not the whole thing.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you! I had to keep you safe,” she insisted. “If I told you the truth about me, it would have put you in so much danger. But you… When you found out, you didn’t tell me. You just lied to my face. Over and over again with such malice. I still feel sick to my stomach when I think of everything you said. You orchestrated all of these elaborate schemes and manipulated me because you wanted to make me feel used and humiliated. Just to get back at me. To exact your revenge! I’ve always known you were more than your family name, that you weren’t like them, but this past year o-or whenever it was? There were moments where I wondered, for the first time, if I’d been wrong all along. I was angry with you for making me doubt it. And I'm...I'm still so angry with you. I don't know how to forgive you for that.”

Lena folded her arms across her chest, listening impassively.

“You did everything in your power to hurt me. Coldly. Calculatingly. Cruelly. I was doing what I thought was right when I kept my identity a secret. I know now that it was a mistake and I know how much that hurt you, but you…you betrayed me simply because you wanted me to feel pain.” Kara’s voice broke. “Don’t you see how different that is?”

The silence was deafening.

“Is that everything?” Lena asked at last.

Kara’s eyes widened. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she bit back sarcastically, “that wasn’t enough for you? Let me think, what did I leave out? How about that time you had 3 dozen armed kryptonite cannons aimed directly at me? Or – I know! – when you promised my mother that you returned all of the Harun-El, after she warned us how dangerous it could be, but instead you were making more of it behind our backs. Hey, we could even talk about that time where you hid Sam in your secret basement laboratory for weeks without a word meanwhile Reign beat me into a coma!”

Lena was silent.

Waiting.

After several long beats, a soundless war between their piercing gazes and blood pounding, Kara relented with a huff.

“Yeah. Whatever. That’s everything.”

“Good,” she replied with a sigh. “Kara, I will never be able to express how much I regret the choices I made and how sorry I am, so deeply sorry, for what I did and how I hurt you. But I can’t go through the rest that follows. Not again. We argued so much and we said terrible things. It seemed like there would be no end to it until I asked you a simple question: ‘Do you want me?’”

Kara sucked in a breath.

“You didn’t answer at first,” Lena continued with a dismissive wave of her hand, “just stared at me like I’d painted myself purple and started doing cartwheels in the street. But I asked again. Do you want me? In your life. As your friend. As more than a friend. Me, with my truckloads of baggage, mistakes, mass murdering family history, all of the mess that comes with being a Luthor, and with me being me. Do you want me? If not, then turn around, walk away. We don’t have to do this anymore. We don’t have to torture each other like this. But if you do...”

Her voice faltered.

“If you do, then all these grievances have to be left behind. We have to move past it, learn from it, be better because of it, and not weaponize it to keep hurting each other. And that’s where it changed for us. That’s where we, our relationship as it is now...or was...began.”

“What--” Kara croaked and crossed her arms defensively. “Ahem, what did I say?”

Lena’s expression remained impenetrable. “You tell me. What do you want to say right now?”

Kara inhaled sharply, looking away for a long moment.

“Whatever it is I want...I don’t know if it’s enough.”

“Then I suggest you take some time to figure it out. Meanwhile, I have work to do.”

With Lena’s back turned again, effectively dismissing her, Kara suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of loss. Of fear. Of confusion.

She walked out the door in a daze, feeling sick to her stomach. Valor found her wandering the maze of the lab and escorted her to the surface. Kara wanted to take flight, head straight towards the sun for as long as she could stand, but somehow she couldn’t find it in herself to leave the ground. She felt much too heavy to even remember what it was like to be able to fly. Her feet were sinking into the earth.

Do you want me?

Echoing.

But it was her voice, not Lena’s.

Flightless, she wandered.

None of this was right.

She wanted to scrub herself raw, but there was nothing she could use that would have any effect. She was the Girl of Steel after all. So how was she supposed to get rid of this? This horrible, sickening stain that had seeped into her skin and made her hands tremble with rage.

Why did this have to happen? Didn't she suffer enough? Did the gods laugh when they looked down upon her – their abandoned child of Krypton – the last of her kind that could call herself a true Kryptonian. Was she not allowed a reprieve? She put her life at risk every day to save the people of Earth. To save everyone she could. Over and over and over again. No matter how painful. No matter the cost.

Even when it meant sacrificing a man who loved her. Her closest tie to Krypton.

Even when it meant that she would bring only pain and misery to the people she loved.

She suffered through violent attacks on her mind and body on a near regular basis as she tried to stand up for what was good and right in this world.

Now, after defeating yet more foes who brought yet more violence and vitriol from the darkest depths the universe had to offer, she couldn't have a day to breathe. To exist. To be at peace.

This was all supposed to mean something.

If Krypton had to die and she had to live, then that had to mean something.

But instead of a reward in the form of blessed relief, she went to bed and woke up in another world where she was forced to be a stranger in her own life. And continually let down the people she loved.

Would it ever stop? One foot after the other and still the onslaught continued.

From the moment her parents put her in that pod, she'd been doomed. Trapped in the phantom zone for eons, never asleep, never awake. A childhood destroyed. A life forgotten.

Crashing on Earth only to find, as Kal-El reached out his hand, that her infant cousin had grown into a being that was far more human than Kryptonian, and the singular purpose she'd been given, she'd already failed. Years of trying to repress her true nature and assimilate to this strange world that wouldn't understand all that she'd known...and all that she lost. Then she saved Alex's plane and her life took another drastic turn.

Supergirl. It was supposed to be a good thing. It was supposed to be her calling. Her place. It was supposed to help her find peace, but what did it get her instead? Her beloved aunt tried to murder her. Her own mother, a towering paradigm of justice, turned out to be just as fallible and mistaken as anyone else. Her father, a joy of tenderness and light, had designed a device to perform an unconscionable act of violence and enslave whole species.

Supergirl had more failures than successes. The world still churned in turmoil. Nothing she did seemed to stop, or even alleviate, the spread of darkness. Nothing she sacrificed was ever good enough. It would never be enough.

This is what her parents sentenced her to.

A lifetime of suffering on a strange planet, utterly alone, without recourse.

She was only thirteen.

Rage boiled over and this time she didn't hold back the burning heat behind her eyes. She leapt into the sky with a feral cry and blasted the desert below.

It wasn't enough.

She dove back down and slammed her whole body into the ground, feeling the earth shake around her. Again. She leapt into the sky and plummeted back to the desert.

Over and over.

She wanted the pain to stop.

But no matter how high she flew or how hard she made the ground tremble, she couldn't inflict a single ounce of pain on herself. Her legs should have broken at impact. Her fists should be crushed and bloody. Every bone in her body should have been smashed to pieces.

Yet the most she felt was some pressure against her impenetrable skin.

It was as if someone had detonated a bomb inside a bomb shelter. Nothing could get in, nothing could get out, but the destruction remained.

She pummeled her way through the cracked, dead earth. Slamming her fists into the ground, hearing the dull implosion echo and ripple through the soil as she struck again and again. Roaring. Crying. Screaming for them to hear. Did they know what they were doing? Didn't they know that she would have gladly died with them?

She screamed until she couldn't.

The sun was setting as the dust cloud began to dissipate. Ragged breaths. Tear tracks streaked through a layer of dirt on her face.

Kara raised her too heavy head and looked around at the crater she'd made. It probably ran about 4 miles wide, maybe two or three hundred feet deep.

She dropped to her knees, tears still falling in dark splotches on the ground.

She wasn't angry with Lena. Not really. She was too deeply hurt to be angry at all. She loved her and it caused them both so much pain.

Kara didn't just break Lena's heart, she'd broken her own.

If not for her choices, the lies, the way she went behind Lena's back all while promising to be her knight in shining armor, they wouldn't have reached the point they did and Lena wouldn't have gone through the darkness alone. All because Kara was afraid.

Yes, they were both adults and they both made mistakes, but Kara could have prevented it. She knew that. She knew the burden would always reside with her. Trusting Lena again was never about whether or not she believed in her goodness.

Lena Luthor was, and always has been, good.

But trusting her with her heart again... That was the truly terrifying part. Kara didn't realize how much power Lena had to hurt her until it was shouted in her face. Both of them crying in the Fortress and Lena left her there, walking away into that portal. It broke Kara's heart when Lena chose Lex. Then she did it again by starting Non Nocere - a slap in the face to everything Kara stood for, turning her back on everything they'd been through.

Still, she loved her. That was the worst of it. She never stopped loving her.

She didn't even know if it was possible to trust her again after all that happened, but it appeared she already had. Clearly she did. In this world, she'd married her.

Kara rubbed her dirt streaked face, wiping away the remnants of her tears. Lena had already lived through the pain of repairing their relationship, and here Kara was, forcing her to go through all of it again just because she was the one who couldn't remember.

That was unacceptable.

Wearily, she made her way out of the crater. Speed and flight seemed to evade her once more, as if she were wearing one of the awful red sun things chained around her neck.

It was dark by the time she returned. Alex wasn’t in the house. Neither was Lena. But Kara expected that. Of course Lena would still be in the lab.

Where she’d been for hours. Days even. Working with fastidious determination to find a solution. Working herself into an early grave to find a way to help her when all Kara did was...

Alex’s words came back to haunt her. She couldn’t manage to swallow the stone of guilt in her throat.

Exhausted, Kara shed her clothes outside the french doors so she wouldn't track in a pound of dirt and sand from the desert with her. Once clean and dressed again, it was an ingrained ritual that had her reach for the glasses. She almost had them on again when Lena filled her vision. Lena moving close, so close she could hardly bear it, carefully removing them, as if Kara could be hurt somehow. Those piercing eyes, the curve of her mouth, the headiness of her perfume. 'Not with me. Not anymore.'

She folded the glasses and left them on the table before heading back out to the lab.

Lena was in same room as she was hours ago, with her back to Kara just as before. As if she hadn’t moved in all the time Kara was gone. In fact, it was as if no time had passed at all.

Valor announced her presence again.

And, again, Lena thanked the AI.

For a brief, dark, moment, Kara wondered if she was somehow stuck in a kind of time loop. Doomed to repeat this harrowing encounter as a waking nightmare that only the most sadistic person could dream up for torture.

“It's late.”

Lena didn't respond.

“Are you...” she swallowed hard, “will you be coming back to the house soon?”

It was eerily quiet, save for the soft hum of machines.

“No,” Lena finally answered. “I still have quite a bit of work to do. I'll be here for the night.”

“Oh.”

Kara's heart sank. She didn't know what to do now.

Gloomily, she looked around the room, noting the wilted, untouched salad. She wondered briefly if she should try to bring her something else to eat, but that didn’t feel right. And Lena definitely wouldn’t listen if she tried to convince her to take a break. Maybe if she started small? An ice breaker?

“So...is this the part of married life where we sleep in separate rooms?” She joked, trying to keep her tone light. “Or does someone usually storm out and stay on a friend's couch?”

Lena stopped what she was doing, hands braced on the table, and looked down, not saying a word.

Kara wanted to stick her head in a bucket and kick it herself. Wonderful. Make separation jokes with your wife when you're the one who can't even remember marrying her. Why was she like this?

Alex should have beat her up more.

“That came out horribly. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to-- I don't know what I'm doing.” Kara almost smacked herself across the face for sounding so useless. “Lena, can we... Could we talk? Really talk this time instead of the yelling thing?”

“I'm actually in the middle of something right now. Can it wait until later?”

“Oh. Uh. Yeah. Of course.” Kara stepped back dejectedly. “I guess I'll just...get out of your hair.”

She was one full step out the door before she turned on her heel and marched back in.

“I'm sorry!” she cried. “I'm so, so sorry, Lena. Please!”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” she replied evenly.

“Of course I do! I jumped to conclusions this morning. I didn't give you the benefit of the doubt. One that you've earned a thousand times over. Then I did this massive emotional dump on you when you asked me not to. Yes, there was a time when you wanted to hurt me, and you really tried to, but even in our lowest moments you never...you always stopped short of the worst. I think about that, you know? Of all the things you could have done but didn’t. Even when you were as angry as you were and had no reason left to trust me or care about me.” She sighed. “I’m sorry for not telling you the truth. You deserved more from me.”

Lena still had her back to her, silence filling the room with its painful, cavernous echo, and the realization smacked Kara in the face with force of a 20-ton wrecking ball.

“And I just did it again. Holy... I just did another giant emotional unload that you actually asked me not to do in the first place. I'm...I'm such a jerk!” she cried. “What is wrong with me?”

“Kara, it's okay. Really.”

“But it's not!” she protested. “None of what happened was okay.”

“Just...” Lena sounded so tired. “Go ahead. Tell me what you need to say.”

Kara was utterly at a loss. There was still so much she wanted to explain and to apologize for, but how could she do that when it seemed to be the most selfish course of action? She wanted to relieve them both of the burden of her missteps earlier, but it seemed to be coming at Lena's expense. All of this had been at Lena's expense.

This is not the person she was. This was not the friend...or whatever else...she wanted to be for Lena.

“I-I don't... I should have listened to you the first time. You said you were busy. We can talk later, only i-if you want to. I won't take up more of your time. I'm sorry, ” she said miserably, hanging her head as she started backing out of the room. “I never meant to... I can't believe how badly I've messed all of this up.”

“You don't...” Lena's voice was barely above a whisper. “You don't have to go.”

Kara froze on the spot, her heart leaping despite all protestations otherwise. The smallest flicker of hope turned into a roaring fire that flooded her body. She desperately wanted to cling to it like the life preserver it was, but kept herself in check. This might be her only chance, so she had to do this right.

“I don't want to...” she replied softly, “but, Lena, you still can't even look at me.”

Lena's back straightened and she took a deep breath before turning to face her. “Better?”

It was decidedly not better. Not with that look on her face. Not with how tightly she held herself, as if she needed to protect herself against Kara. It was a sound blow to her heart.

“I really should leave. I shouldn't have come down here in the first place. This is your space and I wasn't respect--”

“You're here,” she replied firmly. “And I know you have more you need to say. Go ahead, please. Say it now. It'll only drag this all out more if we put it off. I'm listening, I promise.”

Kara wrestled with it for the longest moment, unsure if Lena was telling the truth or just trying to placate her. She hugged herself, anything to keep her from trying to cross the divide between them. So badly, she wanted to reach out to her, but Lena didn’t seem to want it, and would probably reject her if she tried.

In the end, Kara decided that the very least she could do was trust what Lena said.

“D-do you know why I was so angry when I found out you had kryptonite back then?” she asked, eyeing her as Lena remained silent. “It wasn’t just…ego…or even fear. Not the way you think. I was never afraid that you would use it on me. It was because you were my best friend and I…I loved you. To find out that you had this deadly poison, the only thing that exists on Earth that could kill me, and you were lying about it… It broke my heart.”

Lena tugged her fingers anxiously. “You don't have--”

But it was spilling out uncontrollably now, the dam collapsing.

“I thought, how could you - the person I loved so much and trusted so deeply - have secrets like that? And I reacted with anger because I'd backed myself into a corner. I couldn’t tell you that I was Kara, I couldn’t tell you how much it hurt. Because to you, I was just Supergirl, and you barely tolerated Supergirl. Then I made everything so…so…so much worse. Exactly when I should have told you the truth, I lied even more instead. I was too scared to do it because I knew I was going to lose you.”

“This isn't--”

“And I couldn’t let that happen!” she continued determinedly. “I couldn’t. I made so many mistakes, Lena. The things I said earlier, at best, they were half truths, and I never should have put that on you. I am every bit as guilty, if not more, of making bad choices. I’m the worst hypocrite. I really am. I demanded honesty and blind trust from you when I wasn't willing to give it in return. Everything that I accused you of, I was the one that did it to you first.”

Kara shook her head with a helpless little scoff.

“This must be such old news for you. I’m sure you’ve heard it all before. I know that for you, this was a long time ago, but for me, it was literally...last week. These past few days have been so confusing, but you did not deserve how I reacted today. I’m so sorry.”

“Stop.” Lena exhaled. “I told you before, you have nothing to apologize for because I did deserve that reaction. I did. Maybe not as the person I am now, but certainly for the person I was then.”

“No! No...” Kara shook her head, unable to take this separation for a moment longer. She crossed the distance between them and cradled Lena's face in her hands. She had to make her understand. Make her see somehow. “Lena...” she murmured. “No. Not then and not now.”

Lena's gaze dropped, her dark eyelashes a sharp contrast against her pale skin. She looked so anguished. The desire to take that hurt away whipped through Kara so fast, she lost her breath.

She couldn't tear her eyes away from Lena's mouth and wondered at what it would feel like to have those lips on hers. Is that something she would have done? As Lena's wife, would she have taken her in her arms and kissed away the pain? Without thinking, she gently thumbed over her plump, bottom lip. Lena's eyes flew open and Kara was entranced by the bright green boring through her.

“I do want you,” she whispered. “More than anything.”

It was instinct above all else that had her lean down and kiss her.

Lena's breath hitched slightly when their lips met. It was a simple kiss, chaste and sweet, but it made Kara feel something she'd never felt before. Something that she couldn't begin to describe even with her fluent knowledge of over a dozen languages.

The only thing she knew was that she needed to feel it again.

She dove in with such urgency the second time that it surprised them both, but it was barely a heartbeat before Lena was kissing her back just as fiercely. She slid her arms around Kara's shoulders and clutched at her in a way that Kara imagined would be painful for a human, but perfect for her.

When Lena licked into her mouth, Kara's knees buckled, taking them a few stumbling steps backward against a metal table. Her entire body pulsed and throbbed with the most delicious sensations she'd ever experienced. Lena tasted so good. Smelled so good. Felt so good. Kara chased her lips again and again. When Lena broke away to breathe, Kara fervently searched for other places to lavish – cheek, nose, jaw, neck, throat, shoulders, anywhere and everywhere until Lena came back to her lips. Her head was spinning in absolute delirium.

And the smile was unavoidable. Between kisses, she couldn't help the ridiculous, giddy grin that spread across her face.

“So we just…get to do this all the time?” she asked breathlessly, lips meeting again.

Lena made a sound that sounded suspiciously close to a snort. “Something like that.”

“Rao...” she murmured as Lena raked her nails across the nape of her neck, eliciting the most delectable shiver. “You mean we...could have been doing this all along?”

Lena bit down on her lower lip punishingly and Kara yelped in surprise.

Right. Not the time.

Nodding wordlessly, she threaded her fingers in Lena’s loose hair as she pressed her into the table with her hips. Definitely not the moment to discuss how much time they'd wasted...rather what Kara's obliviousness has caused them to waste. When Lena's thigh slipped between Kara’s, the sheer pleasure that jolted through her body was almost too much. She gasped fearfully, grabbing onto the metal table behind them and it groaned precariously under the pressure.

Lena slowed to a languid kiss and reluctantly broke away, resting her forehead against hers with a breathless laugh, lips swollen.

“It's all right,” she whispered soothingly as she stroked Kara's jaw with her fingertips, “you won't hurt me.”

“I-I'm sorry...”

Her heart was racing for all the wrong reasons now. Flashes of the destruction she'd wreaked only an hour ago went through her mind like a warning siren. She'd just lost control again, however slight, and the headiness was tainted by a bitter streak of fear.

“Shh.” Lena smiled, nuzzling her nose, and met her gaze with such tender affection that Kara sucked in another shaky breath. “I should probably explain how those red sun emitters came about.”

“No, you don't have to--”

Lena cut her off with a purposeful kiss and tugged at her playfully.

“I think you might be interested.”

“Okay,” Kara breathed as she gently brushed errant strands of Lena’s hair back from her face. Trying to regain control of her body that was still feeling dangerously out of control. “I am all ears.”

Lena traced the curve of Kara’s lips. “You'd never been...intimate with a human before.”

She was already blushing, staring down at Lena’s neck to avoid her eyes. “Hm.”

“And you were so, so afraid of hurting me. It tormented you.” She nudged Kara’s chin, urging her to meet her gaze. “You were so careful every time we touched, like you're doing right now, as if I'll shatter at any given moment.”

“You would if I wasn't careful,” she muttered, flexing her fingers against Lena’s side.

She'd nearly destroyed the table and they'd barely even touched each other. Kara felt close to dropping off into the depths of despair if she let herself think about it for a second longer.

“I simply...made up my mind that I was going to figure out a solution for it. I didn't want you to have to hold back or fear anything, not when we were together. I wanted you to be able to be free. I wanted you to feel free with me.”

Kara's eyes widened in realization. “So you developed a way to replicate the effects of a red sun? For me?”

Lena chuckled again. “I won't deny that it was for my benefit as well. It was not one of my most altruistic inventions.”

“Wow.” Kara breathed. “Then we've been able to...I've been able to really be with you, like that?”

“All that and more,” she purred with a mischievous arch of her brow. “We actually don't even use them that much these days. The wonders that a little confidence and practice can achieve...”

She gulped.

Lena stroked soothingly down the side of her neck before resting both hands on her shoulders. “When I revealed the working prototype to you, do you know what the first thing you did was?”

“I could probably guess...” she mumbled shyly.

“You hugged me.”

Kara scrunched up her nose in confusion then Lena's smile was so soft and loving that she couldn't catch her breath for a moment.

“You took me in your arms and you hugged me with every bit of strength you had. Hard as you could. That was all you wanted, more than anything, just to be able to hug someone and not have to hold back, not be afraid of hurting them. You cried, so naturally I cried more. We were a mess. God, I think we stayed like that for...” she shrugged, “I don't even know how long, but I would have gladly hugged you for eternity if you’d asked.”

Kara's breath caught in her throat with a sickening turn of her stomach. Suddenly Lena's touch became too heavy to bear. She yanked away, moving to the other side of the room to put distance between them. Desperately, she tried to breathe, but her lungs wouldn't fill. Her heart stuttered and echoed in all the wrong ways. She was feverish, but cold and clammy at the same time, nothing like she had felt only moments before when... Her back to Lena, she stared at the ceiling with her arms crossed, violently willing herself back under control.

“Oh, did I...” Lena swallowed thickly, pulling at her fingers, “was that too much?”

“No, no, it's...you're...” she panted, shaking her head, utterly furious with herself.

Why was she acting like this? So pitiful. So unbearably weak. This wasn't who she was. This wasn't Kara Zor-El or Kara Danvers. And it certainly wasn't Supergirl. The past week had just been completely out of control and it was so much.

Too much.

“I just...I can't really...I can't breathe....”

Kara pressed her hands to her forehead as if it would make it stop. She wondered if the red sun emitters were on again, even though she didn't see them. There was a crushing weight on her chest and she grasped at her shirt, tugging, as if that would release it somehow. She could hear her blood thumping in her ears. The room seemed to be tilting.

Lena said her name, but it sounded like she was underwater. Kara was being dragged by her ankle to the depths with Lena calling out from above.

“I can't believe I said all of those things to you!” she gasped, sounding strangled. Her chest heaved with each word. “I was so cruel. H-how could you let me...touch you...let alone… After what I said? Knowing...knowing that....”

She covered her face as she fell apart. After everything today, how did she still have tears left?

While Kara felt like she was falling through an abyss, utterly at a loss for how to cope, Lena – bafflingly - seemed to know exactly what was happening. She was calm and grabbed a tablet by the holographic projector.

“Give me permission.”

But Kara was crying too hard, choked for air, and Lena stepped closer, her voice tight with desperation now.

“Kara, please. Tell me I can turn it on. Just say yes.”

Glancing at her through tears as they spilled down her cheeks, she still couldn't find her voice, but managed to nod instead. Lena tapped the pad a couple times and red light spilled over them again. It seemed so different from before. It wasn't ominous or villainous at all, glowing ten times brighter, and everything around them looked warmer. It was a welcome contrast to the stark, sleek, cool tones of a science lab.

Lena tossed the tablet back on the table and went straight into her arms. Kara sobbed into her shoulder.

“Tighter than that,” Lena murmured against her ear. “I won't break, my love.”

Trusting her beyond a shadow of a doubt, she used her full strength to hold onto her as she wept.

Though Lena didn't break, Kara certainly did.

Chapter Text

She was a Kryptonian burrito. A cuddly, exhausted, but...strangely content, Kryptonian burrito. It was the most at ease she'd felt since waking up to this unknown life.

After finally crying herself out, Lena helped her back to the house. Kara grabbed the nearest blanket, wrapped it around her, and promptly curled up on the couch to sleep, but not before asking Lena to stay with her. It seemed fine because Lena didn’t appear to have any intention of leaving anyway as she settled next to her. Tentatively, even sheepishly, Lena gestured to her lap and Kara didn’t need any more than that to pillow her head there and closed her eyes.

When she woke a little while later, it was to the most comforting feeling of Lena stroking her hair and speaking in hushed tones on the phone. Apparently, Alex never left. She'd been in the lab the whole time, just another section of it. Kara didn't really listen that closely to their conversation, only enough to know that Lena was giving her directives about reviewing the data she'd collected.

Sleepily, she nuzzled her face against Lena’s stomach, but froze when she realized what she was doing. Lena gazed down at her lovingly and dragged her fingers through her hair, grazing her scalp with her nails. The soothing gesture sent a shiver down Kara’s spine and with her confidence buoyed in that moment, she let herself relax again, pressing her nose to Lena’s belly.

“Hungry?”

“Sorta.”

“Ice cream?”

Kara gasped and stared up at her with perfectly round eyes of adoration. “How did you know?”

“You’re not exactly the unpredictable kind.”

She giggled, hiding her face again as a certain blush spread across her cheeks. “I know. I'm boring.”

Lena tugged on her ear until Kara would face her again. “You couldn’t be boring if you tried. Now...up.” She gestured for her to lift her head so she could stand.

Kara righted herself, stretching with a yawn, and snuggled back into the couch cushions. “How long was I out?”

“Not long.”

She looked at the clock across the room and an unexpected warmth filled her heart. Two hours. Lena hadn’t moved an inch for two hours while Kara slept on her. She rested her head on the cushion, watching Lena root around the freezer, pick up a spoon, and presented her with a gallon tub of ice cream.

“No bowl?”

Lena made such a face that Kara wondered at the validity of her own question.

“Since when have you ever bothered with a bowl? You’ll finish that thing in the next 8 minutes and whine about brain freeze. Then whine more about how you should be impervious to brain freeze when you have freeze breath.”

“Okay, one, I figured that me being a respectable married woman now and all, you would have tamed my unseemly single living habits such as eating directly from the carton.”

Lena rolled her eyes with such exaggeration it looked like it hurt.

“Two, it is a totally valid complaint that I can somehow be impervious to almost everything on Earth, but still be subject to something as lame as brain freeze! It’s a crock. I’m gonna ask Kal if he has them because if it’s just me, I’m going to be, like, two thousand times more bitter.”

Lena snatched the spoon out of her hand, ignoring vehement protests, and scooped into the ice cream, holding it up to Kara’s lips.

“Just eat it before I have to listen to another hour-long rant about this.”

Kara pouted at first, but opened her mouth, and let Lena spoon feed her the first bite. She took the utensil back with a small smile as she swallowed the frozen creamy goodness, and eagerly dug back in for more. Lena leaned sideways against the couch, head propped on her hand with a knowing smile.

After a few bites, Kara was feeling more like herself again.

“So...” she started hesitantly, “that was...a total meltdown you had to deal with earlier, hm? I'm really embarrassed. I was acting like a crazy person.”

“No, don't do that. We've both had our fair share of those, especially in the beginning, and I definitely had more than you. It was difficult...navigating all that grief and guilt between us while we were starting to explore an entirely new kind of relationship. We both ran the gamut of emotions back then, rapidly cycling between extremes. I recognized the signs again today.”

“Then I've done that before? Been awful to you then broke down in a mess of guilt?”

Lena was guarded in her reply. “Something like that...” She sighed. “I used to have panic attacks where I thought I was too happy, that I didn't deserve to be. I had dark moments where I thought that I could never be good enough for you or be able to make up for the damage I caused. But you were always there for me, reassuring and loving, and we got through it together. We all make mistakes, Kara. God knows I have. The point is that there's a light at the end. You showed me that.”

“Are you happy with me, Lena?”

“Very much so.”

“I feel like I make a terrible wife.”

“You are, hands down, the best wife I've ever had.”

Kara made a face. “I'm the only wife you've ever had...unless you've neglected to mention something kind of important.”

“Like I said...best one ever.” She smirked teasingly before her expression sobered a bit. “And I think you're happy too. With me, I mean.”

She was doing it again before she could even think about it. Kara set aside her ice cream, leaned in, and kissed her. It felt like the most perfect, wonderful, right thing she could ever do.

“I know I'm happy with you,” she breathed.

Lena's smile was everything.

“So...you say I've done this before?”

Lena hummed gently in affirmation.

“Right. Uh. How many craters have I made then?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Craters?”

“Like...giant meteorite sized ones?”

“Well, that explains why Alex said our bathroom looks like a dust storm hit it.”

“Sorry. I'll clean it up.”

She ran her hand over Kara's knee. “I don't care about that. But did you leave a calling card?”

“A what?”

“Anything that could be traced back to you? If someone trying to surveil the site using satellite imaging, would they be able to notice anything...Super about it?”

“I didn't leave a fiery blaze of my family crest, if that's what you mean.”

“No giant 'S'?”

“It's not an 'S'!”

Lena giggled and that's when Kara realized she'd been teasing so she nudged her with a sock covered foot.

“Be kind. I can only have so many meltdowns in one day.”

“You're right.” She grinned. “Don't worry, I'll be gentle.”

Kara almost choked on the ice cream, face turning a bright pink.

“Are you...” Lena looked at her in surprise. “Oh my God! That was not me being suggestive!”

“I have learned very quickly that everything is suggestive with you.” She grinned and innocently extended a spoonful of ice cream for her. “Truce?”

Lena stared at it for a moment before grudgingly giving in. Giggling, Kara pulled back the spoon and chased Lena’s lips.

They were interrupted by Lena's phone buzzing with an impatient Alex on the other end who wanted to see her in the lab. Kara was already lumbering off the couch with every intention of joining them, but stilled at Lena's hands on her shoulders.

“You don't have to. Really. And you’ll just be bored by our science babble.”

“You’d be surprised at how much I actually know about this stuff,” she protested. “Quantum physics was a breeze when I was five.”

Lena smiled despite herself. “It’s not your knowledge I doubt, just your interest. You’ve never had any patience for this sort of thing, as Kara or as Supergirl.”

Kara tilted her head curiously. “That's...really accurate. I’m honestly surprised at myself sometimes. Maybe I peaked early in the Science Guild. I mean, it's what I was supposed to do on Krypton. They even called me a prodigy, but now? I can’t help it. My eyes start to glaze over whenever it gets too layered and I feel a strong desire to start punching things instead.”

“We can unpack that later, but I’m gonna head down and see what Alex wants to talk about. Will you take care of dinner?”

Kara couldn't help but feel absurdly disappointed when Lena moved out of arms reach, but tried to play it cool when she looked back at her.

“I can do that! I'll just whip something up--”

“God, no. Don't you dare. We've had enough catastrophes today.”

Kara scoffed. “Gee, I think I'm only moderately offended...”

“You can just order in.”

“But it's late.” She frowned. “Everything's already closed.”

“I trust you to figure it out.” Lena disappeared into the hallway and returned with a bag over her shoulder, collecting papers and some tech devices that Kara didn't recognize. “Just nothing fried, please.”

“That's stifling my creativity, Lena.”

“We’re not all blessed with your Kryptonian metabolism, jerk.”

“Name calling? Really? What are you, ten?”

“Nothing fried!”

“I heard you the first time, wifey.”

Lena groaned. “I cannot believe that moniker is actually instinctual with you.”

“Wifey?”

“I’m going now!”

“To recap: you love being called wifey and you’re craving all the fried food tonight?”

Kara caught the plate chucked at her head with one hand. “Hey! You could have broken that!”

Lena just laughed as she walked out which made Kara wonder how many times over the years Lena had thrown random objects at her, testing her reflexes (and exerting her own frustration), only to have Kara catch each one with ease every time.

It left her grinning from ear to ear.

Alex found something.

It was something you’d never really notice unless you were actively looking for it. Along with dozens of other tests she did in the past two days, Lena measured the chronological age of Kara's cells, tissue, organs, etc. Kara's body presented as that of a 20-year-old, which was nothing unusual for Kara because that's what every test had showed every year since she turned 20 (cue malcontent grumblings from the humans), but the scans of her brain were different. Kara's body aged differently than humans, but the pattern of electromagnetic activity in her brainwave frequencies evolved in a predictable way as she aged. It's a natural thing for brainwave patterns to adjust slightly as you grow older so anyone would have missed it, but Lena was exceptionally thorough and Alex was on a mission.

The scans of Kara's brainwaves that Lena did today should have been identical to the ones from a routine physical she had four months ago, but the data was off. Mere nanometers of a difference, but it was the only deviation they'd been able to find so far. Following her hunch, Alex pulled up Kara's scans from a physical she had six years ago and compared them to ones that Lena did earlier that day.

An exact match.

The chronological age of Kara’s brain had somehow reversed. Her brainwaves were exactly what they'd been when she was 29-years-old instead of the near 35-year-old Kryptonian she was now.

Lena and Alex stood side by side as they stared in disbelief at a holographic projection of the results.

“This isn’t simply a case of amnesia,” Lena said, covering her mouth. “Either Kara is aging in reverse or something has altered her brain chemistry so that she’s completely lost six years. There would be no engrammatic imprints coded in her memory center because her mind, as it exists right now, has never experienced those memories to begin with.”

Alex was steadfast. “We’ll fix it.”

“She’s six years younger! She didn't lose her memory, she never had it! I know we’ve ruled out time travel definitively, there isn’t a trace of tachyon particles, but this is not Kara as we know her. She really is existing as she did then.” Lena's stomach churned. “Her mind never actually experienced the last few years.”

“This is a clue,” Alex reasoned. “Not the end result. We don’t know for sure what this means. Let alone what could even cause such a thing to happen. It's...not possible! How do you de-age someone's brain without affecting the rest of their body? What if it's a Kryptonian cause?”

“You're thinking it could be hereditary? Epigenetics?”

“It's one possibility. There's still so much we don't know about Kryptonian physiology. All of that information was lost when their planet was lost. Our most cutting edge technology still doesn't come close to the scientific advancements they made.”

“There's certainly no technology that exists on Earth that could achieve something of this magnitude so it has to be something alien.” Lena pinched the bridge of her nose. “If we were hoping to narrow down the possibilities, we failed spectacularly.”

“Look, if it's not hereditary or an issue of her own genetic makeup, then it has to be an attack of otherworldly means. That does actually give us something to go on...however small. Lena, it's more than we had before at least.”

She couldn't take her eyes off the projection as it rotated slowly, all the patterns and data markers clearly outlined. “Who would do this? If this is really the result of some…bio-attack on Supergirl, what would they stand to gain?”

“I don’t know, but if someone is sabotaging Kara then my guess is there’s something that happened in the past six years that they don’t want her to know.”

At that, she managed to tear her gaze away and shared a worried look with Alex. They both knew that too much had happened since then to ever be able to narrow it down without more clues.

“I'll get Brainy in here tonight and we’ll work on it,” Alex reassured her. “Go be with Kara.”

“Absolutely not!” Lena shook her head. “We have a mountain of work ahead of us and there’s no way you two are doing it without me.”

“Normally, I wouldn’t argue, but I can see it in your face, Lena. As much as you want to work on this, you don't want to be away from her right now. This is me giving you permission. Get some rest. You’ve been at this all day and clearly experiencing some emotional stuff too considering the state my sister was in earlier. No, no, don’t even try to deny it!” She held up her hand. “I know you too well by now, Luthor. Go be with her. Listen to what every molecule in your body is screaming at you to do. Bad things happen when you ignore those instincts.”

Lena didn’t know how to respond. Alex really did know her too well these days, but it still didn’t alleviate the torn feelings about leaving her work for others to do. Kara was her wife and her wife was in trouble. Finding solutions to problems is what Lena did best. But after everything today, she couldn't bear to be away from Kara for long and she didn't want to have to drag her down here again just because she was the one feeling...needy.

“Brainy and I will start combing through this and in the morning you can join us. Kara will be more than fine with zipping around, exploring the lab…and staying close.” She gave her a knowing smile. “If all goes well, we'll have some working theories for you to help troubleshoot.”

Lena had no ground to stand on. Alex picked out each and every one of her concerns with alarming accuracy and flicked them away like it was nothing. Knowing it was a lost cause, she kissed her sister-in-law on the cheek in gratitude.

“Are you going to tell Kara what we found?”

“It can wait until tomorrow. Today was...”

“...rough,” Alex finished for her with an understanding nod. “Go. Get out of here,” she shoved her lightly, “Take care of her.”

“You know I will.”

Kara had fallen asleep on the couch again, but bolted up, alert as ever, the second Lena’s footsteps sounded on the floor.

“I’m awake! I am! And I did not forget dinner. It’s in the oven to keep warm.”

“I never doubted you for a minute. Where'd you get it?”

“Well, everything might be closed here, but Sydney's nightlife was just getting started.”

“Sydney, Australia?”

“No. Sydney, North Dakota.”

Lena stared at her for a beat before giving into laughter. “Wow. Kara Danvers using sarcasm? You're in rare form tonight.”

She grinned cheekily. “What did Alex have to say? I got extra in case she joined us.”

“Nothing concrete yet,” Lena sighed, “but she’s following a lead. It’s probably an anomaly, but we’re investigating every variable.”

“I really appreciate how much you guys are doing for me. I know I’ve been thrown by all the changes, but I really want my memories back. It feels like I’ve lived a whole life and I don’t get to know about any of it.”

Lena leaned over the back of the couch and kissed her forehead. Kara felt it to the very tips of her toes.

“We’re going to find a solution. That’s a promise.”

“Then I know everything’s going to work out. You don’t make promises lightly.”

“Exactly.” Lena made her way over to the kitchen and started opening a bottle of wine. “So do you want to watch some TV or a movie with dinner?”

Kara eyed the dark TV screen with disinterest. “Sure. Whatever you want.”

“That's convincing.”

“No! No, I really am okay with watching whatever you want.”

“Is there something else you'd want to do?” she prodded gently. “It was only a suggestion, I'm not invested either way.”

“Well, I just... This might sound weird, but could we just be together? You could talk to me o-or not talk at all. I know it's been a really long day for us both so I would understand if you're tired.”

“Not weird at all.” Lena smiled. “What would you like to talk about?”

From the couch, Kara watched as Lena grabbed oven mitts and retrieved the food, portioning it out onto two plates. She could clearly tell which was intended for her since the plate was overflowing compared to the other one.

Surreal. It was all just so completely surreal.

Lena's domestic side was like spotting a rare species in the jungle, but here she was. Puttering around their kitchen with bare feet and hair loosely tied, an over-sized sweater and leggings. It was so normal. So perfect. Her chest squeezed with such emotion, she could hardly bear it.

Before this, even when they'd been friends, Kara rarely got to witness Lena without the armor she put on for days at L-Corp and evenings at formal galas or red carpet events. Even when she came over for Game Night, she still had that strategic look about her, a carefully planned wardrobe to fit the precise occasion.

Here, she was just Lena. A Lena that felt safe with her. A Lena that felt at home when Kara remembered her once saying that she never really had a home. She still couldn't believe that she was able to do this for Lena, to be that person, and to be able to call Lena her partner, her wife, her lover... It was better than anything she'd ever dared to hope for.

In all her daydreams, of a life on Krypton and then a life on Earth, she tried to imagine a moment like this. A moment where there were no battles to fight or secrets about aliens. A moment where she was at home at the end of the day with the person she loved, doing something completely mundane and unimportant, and having it feel like the most important thing she would ever do. She'd tried so hard to picture what it would be like and sometimes even thought she got close to it, but being here now...she knew nothing else could compare. If this was her new life, she couldn't have dreamt of a better one. Even with all the loose ends and baggage between them, it didn't matter because Kara had faith. They would find a way through. Despite what Lena thought, Kara's faith may have faltered, but it never vanished. Not even close.

Overwhelmed by the sheer force of her desire to wrap Lena in her arms at that very moment, Kara tamped down on it as hard as she could. After everything today, the last thing she wanted to do was be a clingy child that Lena needed to keep taking care of. But it didn't stop her from wanting to be in her arms right now with every fiber of her being.

Instead, she focused on answering Lena's question.

“Maybe you could tell me more about your life?”

“My life?”

“Yeah. We've been really focused on me and my stuff, but I...I would really like to hear about you. What these past six years have been for you.”

“Ah, I get it. Only talk about things that don't have anything to do with us.”

“I didn't mean it like that,” Kara replied seriously. “Really. I just...want to hear about you and whatever else you'd like to tell me.”

Lena exhaled shortly. “I admit, my life in the last six years involves you pretty heavily. I doubt I could separate it.”

“Then tell me. Again. I-I didn't really hear a lot of the stuff you guys told me this past week. I mean I heard it, but I didn't process it...” She scrunched up her nose as she rubbed her forehead. “Not gonna lie, it totally freaked me out, but now I...I think I would really be able to listen. To all of it. Any of it.”

“I think I can manage that.” Lena held up a second newly opened bottle. “Wine?”

“Yes, please!”

It was in that moment that Kara realized she'd been so caught up in watching Lena prepare for dinner, that she'd completely forgotten to help with any of it! With a tiny burst of speed, she appeared next to Lena in the kitchen, easily balancing several plates of food and utensils in her arms.

“Oh. Um. Where did you...where do we usually...?”

Lena looked at her for a moment before realizing the conundrum and simply pointed. “Dining room table.”

Nodding sheepishly, Kara carried everything over and set the table. It wouldn't always be this awkward, she reminded herself. Even if she had to learn everything all over again, it would get better. She'd figure things out as they went and she wouldn't have to keep doing this to Lena, reminding her that she knows nothing about their life or what it meant to be her wife.

Meanwhile, Lena poured two glasses from two separate bottles. One looked like a typical bottle of wine while the other seemed to be a strangely elaborate decanter. The way the crystal shimmered gave away its clearly alien nature. When Lena joined Kara at the table, she was careful to hand her the glass with the other wine, though it looked almost identical to her glass of Bordeaux.

“Fair warning, this is the one you love from Mringa.”

“Oooh, thank you!” Kara accepted it with flourish. “I think Alex mentioned this the other day.”

“It’s strong, but not Aldebaran rum strong. It gives you the same kind of buzz Earth wine gives a human.”

She sniffed at it curiously, pleased by the scent, and took a small sip before humming her appreciation. “I do like this! How many can I have before I reach the danger zone?”

“Two. Exactly two. Any more than that and you are well on your way off the planet. Unfortunately, you’re convinced that it's three because you don’t feel it hit you until later and every single time it happens, you wake up the next morning complaining about how I didn’t try hard enough to stop you.”

“I will have no more than two,” she replied dutifully.

Lena just shook her head. “We’ll see.”

Kara had four.

It took the combined efforts of Lena and Alex to get her upstairs to bed around 1am.

“I love you guys so much... You’re just the best...the BEST!”

“Why do you keep letting her drink this stuff? She has no self-awareness when it comes to alcohol!”

“Why is everyone under the impression that I control the most powerful being on Earth?”

Alex shot her a look and Lena grinned sheepishly with a rosy flush. “Okay, in retrospect...not my brightest decision. I was only thinking about how my wife would want a glass of her favorite wine at the end of a tough day. I didn't think it through.”

“You think?”

“Come off it, Alex,” she replied exasperatedly. “Kara’s a grown woman and if she wants to be drunk, that’s her choice. How often does it happen, really? I’m hardly going to fault her for indulging in the rare few instances she ever does.”

“Do you think that flowers have feelings?” Kara slurred, oblivious to their conversation. “Like are pinks always happy? Do reds feel sexy or is it grrrr angry? Are purples bi-sex-ual? Or because of the plant thing then they’re bi-pod-ual? Bi-eukaa-ryy-ottic? Lena! You know these things. Tell me the things.”

“I don’t know the answer to that one, darling.”

“Aw...”

“But I like the idea. I think yellows must be even happier than pinks.”

“YEAH! Yes’m! You get it! Oh, Lena, you’re just the most...the most...MOST. Also, you’re so pretty. Like SO pretty. I stare at you a lot. Which might be weird, but Alex promised that we’re married so maybe not so weird?”

“Oh God, I need to leave before she gets any further with this.”

“Alex!” she gasped happily. “You’re here! When did you get here? Never mind! I have to tell you a secret.”

Lena and Alex exchanged a glance as Kara lolled her head towards her.

“You'll never believe this,” she whispered dramatically, “but I kissed Lena Luthor. On – the – lips.”

“That's...that's great, Kara.” Alex sounded strangled.

“And it's soooooo good. Like so good it makes me want to--”

The rest was muffled because she slapped her palm over Kara's mouth, staring daggers at Lena. “Hurry up. I refuse to hear the rest of this.”

“I'm going as fast as I can! You act like she doesn't weigh 500 pounds of pure muscle. Why don't you hurry up?”

Alex stuck her tongue out in response. Kara was still talking, though completely unintelligible from behind Alex's hand.

They finally managed to get her on the bed, which was difficult because Kara kept flailing and rolling around. Alex pulled back the covers while Lena made quick work of Kara’s shoes and pants (which kicked off another giggling fit from Kara) before tucking her underneath the blankets.

“And I’m out! Brainy and I are gonna do an all nighter in the lab, okay?”

“I’ll be down first thing in the morning. And Alex? Thank you.”

“Oh! I have a sister named Alex!” Kara gazed up at Lena. “Do you know her?”

“Anytime. Do you think she’ll actually stay in bed or will you get a repeat of the floating stuff from last time?”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, the wine doesn’t usually last long, but I still have the ties around here somewhere. Just in case.”

“She’d be so upset if she broke another souvenir like she did the one from Ibiza. She moped for weeks.”

“I know, I’ll—“ She was distracted by Kara who was pawing at her insistently for attention.

Alex immediately turned on her heel and ran out before she could potentially witness something she didn't need to see. “Goodnight!” she called back from the hallway

Lena sat on the edge of the bed next to Kara. “What is it?”

“I have floaty issues?”

“Sometimes.”

Kara dissolved into more drunken laughter and smothered her face in the soft pillows on their bed. Lena shook her head and kissed her cheek before starting to undress and headed for the shower.

“You’re leaving?”

“Only going to the next room,” she replied reassuringly. “I need a shower.”

“Ooh, me too! Me too!”

But before she could untangle herself from the blankets, Lena was there with a firm hand on her shoulder. “Any other time, it wouldn’t even be a question. But your memory is significantly lacking right now, sweetie, not to mention you're drunk.”

She huffed, puffing out her cheeks. “I remember plenty.”

“Next time. But I need you to stay in bed now, all right?”

“Why don't you want me?” She pouted exaggeratedly. “I thought you...y-you said you're attracted to me. I heard you tell Alex.”

“When...? Never mind. Of course, I'm attracted to you! That's not even a strong enough word for it.” She swallowed thickly. “Just not tonight.”

“Fine... But I’m gonna be naked when you get back and you’re soooo gonna regret leaving me here.”

It took all Lena had to keep a straight face. “I regret it already.”

She headed for the bathroom, stripping as she went, and glanced back at Kara who was having a very difficult time figuring out how to escape her shirt. She smiled to herself and knew that by the time she came back, Kara would either be sound asleep or sober again.

Shutting the door behind her, she closed her eyes and leaned back heavily against the wood in a picture of exhaustion.

God, this day... This day.

She never imagined this would happen. That everything they went through those years ago...she'd have to live through it again.

She shook her head determinedly, refusing to cry. Not now. Not like this. She couldn't dwell on it. It wouldn't be this way for much longer anyway. Not if she had any say in it.

They had a lead. What it was leading to, she had no idea, but it was something. She would find the answer to this and restore Kara's memories. She would have her wife again. All she had to do was hold on until then and she could do that. Continue the balancing act and keep a brave face. In the meantime, Kara needed her and Lena could be strong for her. She would be strong.

Running her fingers through her hair, she tugged slightly, and lifted her head.

“Damn.”

The bathroom still looked like a dust storm hit it.

Sighing, Lena pulled herself away from the door and gathered some products before heading out to use the guest bathroom instead.

It'd been less than five minutes, but there Kara was, blissfully passed out on her stomach with her arms flung wide. Her lower half was completely sideways off the mattress, but it didn't seem to bother her because she was floating two inches above the bed anyway.

And she was snoring.

Lena shook her head fondly and made her way down the hall.

She loved that ridiculous Kryptonian with all her heart. She only wished Kara could remember the same.

Kara woke before the sun.

She stared at the ceiling for a moment, feeling slightly off kilter, before turning to Lena who was sound asleep beside her. Memories of last night started to filter through and she grimaced, wiping her face. Mortifying. Absolutely mortifying.

Why didn't she just stop at two? Lena had specifically warned her. Looking down, she realized that she was still wearing some of her clothes from yesterday.

Gross.

She got out of bed as carefully as she could, not wanting to disturb Lena. It was an evil hour to wake a human when they required at least seven hours of sleep every night...or so she'd been told. Kara didn't need nearly as much.

She cleaned the bathroom first, grimacing at the sight, and hoped Lena wasn't too upset that she didn't get to it last night. After a quick shower, she put on some clean clothes, but not to go anywhere. She wasn't sure she even wanted to leave this house today. Instead, she just managed to go downstairs.

Yesterday was...brutal.

There wasn't really another way to describe it. Brutal and draining. A hundred things seemed to smash into her at exactly the same moment. Wounds, old and new, were torn open without warning and she felt every agonizing second of it.

This wasn't a coma dream, like the time she'd been trapped by her own fear.

This wasn't a mind prison or an alternate reality created by a Black Mercy.

It wasn't even a parallel Earth.

And suddenly it all just gave way. Everything had crashed down on her at once, toppling her into darkness, and she couldn't even tell which way was up. Then Lena was there, holding her like she'd never let go. Kara wiped away tears and took a steadying breath, willing herself to calm down. She needed to get a grip and figure out the next step. It couldn't keep going like this. All the heartache and anger...

It was just grief.

Always grief.

All that she'd lost. All that she was still terrified to lose. And she took it out on Lena. Then she apologized to Lena. Then she got drunk and made Lena take care of her.

Damn it.

Kara slammed her hand on the kitchen counter then went completely still.

Oh no...

She'd hit it too hard.

Wincing, she peered down at the demolished marble counter-top and...found that there wasn't a single mark on it? Wait. That was impossible. She'd definitely used too much strength. There should be dust under her hand.

Maybe it was a delayed reaction? She braced herself, closing her eyes, and poked the counter, fully expecting the thing to crack in half and collapse.

But it didn't.

Opening one eye this time, she tapped it lightly.

Still nothing.

Bewildered, she grasped the edge and tugged.

It didn't budge.

What the...

She ran her fingertips over the smooth stone and bent down to inspect underneath, but there was nothing out of the ordinary. It looked and felt exactly like marble, solid as ever, except it couldn't be.

Unless?

Her eyes landed on a nearby basket of fresh fruit and she blew. Yep. Frozen solid.

Okay, she still had her powers, but this material definitely wasn't marble. Scratching her head, Kara tried to figure out, why, for the life of her, did they have such a heavily fortified kitchen counter?

Turning away from the new mystery, she glanced at the time. It was still early, but the sun was in the sky now. She listened carefully to the sounds upstairs and found that Lena was beginning to stir. Just the slightest change in her breathing and an uptick of her heartbeat. She was still asleep, but it wouldn't be long before she woke.

Baby steps.

Kara threw the counter-top one last suspicious glare as she walked by...just daring it to try something.

Lena reached for her wife before she was even fully awake, only to find that half of the bed empty. Cold too. Kara hadn't been there for a while. Her disappointed sigh ended up sounding more like a scratchy whine from the back of her throat.

“I'm here.”

Lena turned towards her voice, rubbing her eyes blearily. Kara was standing at the window in shorts and an oversized pajama top.

God, the sight of her still managed to take her breath away. Lena rolled on her side, watching Kara as she leaned against the glass, bathed in golden sunlight, looking out over the city – the city she would always love and always protect – while sipping her coffee.

The smell was glorious and Lena smiled, a melting warmth in her chest, when she realized that there was her very own steaming mug waiting on the bedside table. She roused herself enough to sit up against the headboard and took the cup into her hands with a hum of contentment. Kara looked back at her with a lopsided grin, tousled hair loose over one shoulder, and sheepishly butted her head against the window.

She was so fucking endearing, Lena could hardly bear it.

There was something different this morning. Something in Kara's eyes, the way she looked at her. It wasn't the same as before and it still wasn't her wife, not completely, but there was something.

“I definitely drank too much.”

“Really? I didn't notice.”

She snorted lightly. “I'll try to get better at that, but aside from ending the night with embarrassing drunkenness, I...I really liked our dinner. I mean, the talking to you part, not just the food part, though that was good too.” She was quiet for a long moment before lifting her head again. “This is real isn't it?”

Lena didn't quite know how to react to that. After a moment, she just gave her a slow nod. Kara breathed in tremulously, tracing the rim of her coffee mug.

“I think that's why... Why I did that yesterday.”

“Why you were angry?”

“That and...all of it. This has all been so crazy and too terribly wonderful to be true. I thought it had to be some kind of illusion. A different reality. A world that isn't mine because...because I don't get to have this, Lena. I don't get to be this happy.”

Her jaw tightened almost painfully in response. It'd been a long time since she heard Kara talk that way, but it didn't make it any easier to hear again. Tears formed faster than she could breathe, but she blinked them away just as quickly, taking deep breaths as she listened. Kara didn't need to deal with her falling to pieces right now.

“If it wasn't real then I didn't have to feel everything. I didn't have to remember the bad alongside the good. I could just enjoy it while it lasted. But it hasn't stopped. I'm still here, you're here, and we're...” Kara exhaled, gazing out the window again. “It's like you said. You dreaded this part. You can remember everything we did to get to this point, but I can't. It's still so raw and then I just...couldn't ignore it any longer.”

Lena's voice was tight and measured. “I understand.”

“I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. I don't know which turn is coming next. One minute I'm so...so mad at you with my heart torn out of my chest and the next you're making me laugh, we're kissing, and you're spoon feeding me ice cream.” She chuckled incredulously. “I don't know how to deal with all of this. For me, it's been such a long time since we've been able to just...be okay. You know? I missed it so much. I missed you, Lena. And just getting to talk and laugh and be with you last night, even after we argued so horribly. That we could still have that. Without the secrets, the lies, or Supergirl being the red and blue elephant in the room... It was everything. I really had no idea how much that was affecting us, our relationship, until now. I...I really missed you.”

“I missed you too,” she admitted. “Back then, all through that year, I missed you so much it was a never-ending ache in my chest. There were days when I thought it was going to be a permanent feeling. That hole, the emptiness...the hurt.” She shook her head slightly and sipped her coffee, as if to dispel the memories somehow before they could take hold.

It wasn't permanent.

She just needed to remind herself of that. She could remind Kara of it too. She would do it for them both.

“What do we do now?”

Lena looked at her questioningly.

“I mean, what's next? How do we... How did we do it before?”

“Honestly, I don't know.” She shrugged. “The sequence of events is kind of throwing me. It's out of order. While this is all intensely familiar, it's not an exact replay. Last time, we at least had a few dates in before this started up.”

“Instead, this time we've already been married for years, but I just had my first kiss with you yesterday. I see how that could throw you off.”

Eyes sparkling with amusement, Lena touched the tip of her nose with her index finger to say she'd gotten it.

“So...what do we usually do after a fight?”

Heated memories flashed unbidden - at complete odds with the innocence with which Kara posed the question. Lena tried, and failed, to hide the smirk behind her coffee mug.

Kara made the softest 'eep' sound and ducked her head, fiddling nervously, but Lena could still see the red blooming at the tip of her ears. She would take pity on her, of course, but enjoyed the reaction all the same.

“When it wasn't that...” she trailed off slyly, taking another sip, while Kara was fascinated by some invisible speck on the floor, “it was about other ways to connect. To remember.”

“Remember?” she echoed, seeming to forget all about her shyness, gazing at Lena intently again.

“Why we chose each other,” she explained. “Kara, you know we had so many reasons not to be together, so much history that some days it seemed impossible that we could ever move past it. But we did. Slowly. Sometimes painfully. But I wouldn't have it any other way. We don't argue that much anymore, certainly nothing like we did in the beginning, but it still happens, and afterwards...when cooler heads prevailed, trying to see the other person's perspective, and compromise...I suppose whatever we did was about re-connection, in some form.”

Kara was contemplative as she stood there for a long moment, watching Lena with those unbearably soft, blue eyes. “I like that,” she said quietly.

The warmth in her voice was a thousand times more satisfying than the warmth from the coffee mug in Lena's hands.

“Do you trust me, Lena?”

“Yes.”

“You didn't even think about it.”

“I didn't have to.”

“So whatever it is I did these past years...somehow I earned your trust again.” She blew out a heavy breath. “I admit, I didn't think that was possible. I thought--”

“You'd lost me for good?”

Kara nodded slightly, almost fearful.

“I thought that too.”

The glass seemed to pulsate in the sun as a prolonged silence fell between them.

“I know you don't trust me right now and that's okay.” Lena hoped her smile didn't look too pained. “But if you can find a way to give me a chance, hard as that will be, I promise you – I won't waste it.”

“I'm still...figuring it all out.” She nodded slowly. “I trust that you don't want to hurt me, Lena. But when it comes to the rest... I don't think I'm ready. I really want to be and I want to try, but I just can't do it yet. Not like I did before.”

Lena was hardly surprised. “It's a work in progress.”

“Yeah. Is that okay?”

“Of course it is.” Even if it hurt like hell.

Kara took a breath, gazing around the room. “Our home is amazing, you know?” she said softly. “I'm kind of seeing it for the first time this morning. Really seeing it, I mean.”

“Because now you believe it's real?”

She nodded. “And I can see us in it, you know? I can see where you and me come together. It's like a way more upscale version of my loft. But this room is different than the rest of the house. It's like I see both of us and neither of us here. It's so beautiful,” she said wonderingly. “It's strange how much it reminds me of my bedroom on Krypton. I never would have thought something on Earth could look like this.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“You designed it?”

“That's too strong a word for my part in it.” She smiled, losing herself a bit to nostalgia. “I asked Brainy to help me piece together what Argo City's architectural style was. It became rapidly clear that Krypton wasn't altogether different from Earth in that location is everything and Kryptonians loved filling their homes with as much sunlight as possible. Which makes sense, all things considered. So I aimed to do the same and hired architects to give us that. From this bed, we get to see everything from sunrise to sunset. East to West.”

“But all this glass...” Kara's brow furrowed. “Alex told me about how seriously you take security here. Doesn't it make us exposed?”

Lena took a long sip of coffee before putting it down and pushed back the blankets to join Kara at the window. She was wearing a Midvale High band t-shirt and underwear. It'd been a conscious decision last night. If she couldn't be in her wife's arms, she would take comfort in one of Kara's favorite old shirts and have that wrap around her instead.

Leaning in mischievously, as if she were about to share a secret, she said, “Wonders of technology never cease... No one can see us from the outside.”

“But it's so clear.”

“It's also bullet proof, shatter proof, missile proof, wrecking ball proof, you name it, and reinforced with Nth metal. However, it's still not enough to keep a Kryptonian from crashing through it. As I discovered when Alex convinced you to get drunk with her one night after she and Kelly broke up and you decided to fly through the window instead of using the actual sky entrance as it was intended.”

Kara winced.

“But that's why I have several other security measures in place. I've never been one to put all my eggs in one basket.”

“You've done so much for me...”

“For us. Besides, all of this stuff is just frivolous extra. It doesn't compare to what you give me every day.”

“What's that?”

Lena sighed, a mass of emotions tangled in her chest. “Like...the feeling I had when I opened my eyes just now to see you bathed in sunlight. You're this extraordinary Sun Goddess...the Champion of Earth...and my achingly beautiful wife. You give me love, Kara. Love, happiness, and a kind of peace I didn't know existed. Not a day goes by where I take it for granted.” She ran her fingers down Kara's bare arm, interlacing their fingers, and kissed her knuckles before hugging it to her chest. “What are some windows in a room compared to this?”

Kara blinked away tears. “Can I...” she croaked. “Would it be all right if I hugged you again?”

“I would like that very much.”

She knew what Kara wanted, to feel her completely, as she wrapped her arms around Lena's middle. Curling into the shape of her, arms around her shoulders, Lena tucked her face against the crook of Kara's neck, allowing her to hold her even closer. Kara laid her cheek against Lena's head and sighed. Lena could feel her sinking into their embrace and finally...finally....allowing herself to feel it. To be comforted. Content. Loved.

They stayed like that for a while, basking in the morning sun and listening to the sound of each other breathing.

“Wait, did you say we have a sky entrance?”

Chapter Text

Kara sat at the foot of the bed with her legs folded underneath her, watching Lena move about the room as she dressed and readied herself for the day.

“You're thinking very loudly,” Lena said before disappearing into her cavernous closet.

“Telepathic now?”

She stuck her head out. “Just well versed in Kara Zor-El.” And vanished again.

“I didn't know that was a particular field you could study.”

“Oh, you're my favorite one. You might say I've come to be something of an expert on the matter. There's only two other people in the world who could claim the same.”

“Who are they?”

Shirtless and wearing a pair of jeans, Lena walked back out, fiddling with a blouse she didn't seem convinced she wanted to wear. Kara's first instinct was to look away out of modesty, but she reminded herself that Lena was the one who walked out in that state of undress. She clearly didn't mind that Kara saw her, in fact, it was probably absurd to her that Kara would look away. They'd been here and done all of this and more before. Kara was the one who needed to catch up.

“Your sister, obviously,” Lena replied, distracted.

Kara wasn’t exactly listening as her gaze drifted greedily over exposed skin, freckled and alabaster. Breath hitching, she wondered at the divots in Lena’s lower back, the curve of her hips, the softness of her belly, and the swell of her breasts clad in simple black. Clutching the coverlet in her hands to keep from reaching out for her right then and there, Kara swallowed hard and continued to watch in fascination as Lena slipped on her shirt and swept her hair back, gathering it up into a high ponytail.

“Right,” she said throatily. “But that's only one. You-you said two others.”

Hair smooth and flawless, Lena set about finding a pair of shoes to wear, glancing at her as she walked past with an uptick in the corner of her mouth. Kara thought fleetingly of kissing her there.

“Yes, two,” Lena said, amused. “I believe you are also fairly qualified to be an expert on yourself, don't you?”

“Oh.” Her conversation with Alex those days ago was at the forefront. Pizza and kung fu. Discovering that she'd been ignorant of entire facets of her sexuality for the past fifteen years. “I wonder sometimes.”

Lena looked back with a concerned tilt of her head.

“Nothing,” she replied quickly. “Really, it's nothing.”

“And those thoughts I can practically hear whirling through your head?”

“Too many to say out loud.”

She nodded. Having found her shoes, she came over to the bed, and kissed Kara on the cheek.

“I know being in the lab is the last thing you want to do right now, but it's really important that I help Alex with what she was working on last night. So I'll be down there for the rest of the day, but if you need anything – and I mean anything at all – call me or come find me. I'll be here.”

She turned to leave, but Kara was lightning quick.

“Don't go.”

Lena stopped and looked down at where Kara was gently holding her wrist before looking back up at her. She didn't ask if there was anything wrong, because clearly there was, and didn't push for anything else. Instead, she sat on the bed, arm pressed against hers, and slid Kara's grasp on her wrist into one where their fingers were intertwined instead. Kara wondered if her hand was trembling the way everything else inside her was. Lena silently touched her chin to Kara’s shoulder and thumbed soothing circles against her skin.

“I know that we need answers. That we need to figure out who did this to me or what did this.”

“That's exactly what I plan to do,” Lena said quietly.

“But that's not what I need right now.”

That gave her pause. She pressed her mouth against Kara's shoulder before breathing deep and rested her head there instead. “What do you need?”

Kara squeezed her hand and held it against her stomach. The word was so clear in her mind, but she was almost too afraid to say it. She laid her head against Lena's, turning slightly so that she could nose into her hair and breathe her in.

It gave her the last bit of courage.

“You.”

Alex looked like she'd already been up for hours despite it being early still. Kara doubted she'd even slept last night. She spun her sister round on the stool before planting her hands on her hips.

“Time for you to go home.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “I'm fine. Don't be a worrywart.”

She tried to move away, but Kara stuck her foot out, holding her firmly in place.

“I mean it, Alex. Go home.”

“Look, you don't understand, we're getting close. I found out last night that--”

“I know what you found. Lena told me everything, but you're not going to find the answer by working yourself into the ground.”

“Kara...”

“And you're not going to find it by interrogating every enemy of Supergirl in the DEO database.”

“How did you--?”

“I popped by one afternoon and Brainy said you were busy. Took him all of three seconds to spill about everything you've been doing. Hunting down suspects, coming up empty each time, even calling in people around the world with psychic powers to consult. Even after all that, you still don't have the slightest clue who, if anyone, did this.”

She was ready to argue, but Kara continued.

“I'm not blaming you. Alex, I know how hard you've been trying and it's not your fault. Whoever did this to me, if it was actually someone, they clearly don't have a problem playing the long game. If it happens, they're going to find me on their time, not ours, and use whatever this is to attack us. Until then...we're flying dark. We don't have much of a choice otherwise.”

“You can't give up. I know it seems like we don't have much right now, but all it takes is one lead and what we discovered last night could--”

“If you have a new theory, tell me about it another time. Later. But right now? I don't want to know.”

“You don't want to know that we might have found the answer to your missing memories?”

Kara was silent, avoiding the steely eyed glare directed at her. She knew how hard this would be for her sister, but it had to be done. The way they were going about this? It was all wrong and it wasn't helping any of them. She knew this was the right thing to do, but having to convince Alex of that... Well, that was going to be the biggest hurdle.

“What the hell?” She jumped to her feet. “I am not just walking away when I could be figuring out--”

“I'm not asking you to walk away. I'm just saying we need to take a break for a few days,” she said evenly. “At this point, it doesn't look like anything will really change unless the culprit decides to reveal themselves before then. Which doesn't seem likely.”

“A few days?” she cried disbelievingly. “What is going on here? Why are you getting cold feet right when--”

“It's not cold feet. I want to know what happened just as badly as you do. In fact, I'm pretty sure I want it more. But I need you to do this for me. No more of this stuff today...or tomorrow. Whatever it is that happened to me will, in all likelihood, still be there. And maybe whoever did it will surface by then and we'll have our answers one way or the other. But right now? I need this to stop. I need--”

“No.”

“Alex, please.”

“No! I'm not hitting the pause button right as we're about to have a breakthrough about what happened to your brain, Kara. I don't know why you're second guessing this or if you're worried about what we might find. I promised you that I was going to fix this and that's what I'm going to do!”

“I know that and I know how hard you've been working to help me. I'm so grateful to you. To all of you! But I need you to do this for me.”

“Tell me why.”

“This past week has been nonstop. I told you how hard I was trying to keep it together and that I didn't think it was going to last much longer. Well, you saw what happened yesterday.” She ran her fingers through her hair tiredly. “I can't keep going like this. I need...I need things to just be okay for a little while. Even if only for a weekend. I need all of this to stop and for me to figure out how to be okay. So, please...do this for me?”

Alex took her hands in hers, clasping tightly. “It will be okay when we figure this out. I know you're overwhelmed and this has all been really hard and scary for you, but I can't just give up. That's not what's going to help you. Even if you can't see it right now.”

Kara opened her mouth to argue, but Lena's voice rang out from behind them.

“Alex, we're going to respect her wishes.”

Her eyes widened. “What the-- Are you kidding me? You! Of all people, you are going along with this? This is insane! We need to find out how--”

“I'm shutting it down,” Lena interrupted, typing in a code on the wall panel near the door. The monitors behind Alex went black. “We'll reconvene on Tuesday morning. Eight o'clock sharp. If you and Brainy are still willing to help, I'll be here with Kara at that time and we'll get back to work.”

“Lena!”

“It's done.”

Alex looked between them in utter shock. A long moment passed before she set her jaw angrily and grabbed her things, pushing past Lena at the door.

“I hope you know what you're doing,” she said darkly. “Because if this ends up hurting her, Lena... Make no mistake, I will hold you responsible.”

“Alex! Come on...” Kara tried, but her sister was already halfway down the hall, heavy footsteps fading. She looked at Lena dejectedly. “Well, that could have gone better.”

“I can't say I blame her.”

“But you're still doing it.”

“Because you asked me to, not because I agree with it.” She touched a few more buttons and the room went dark. “Come on. Let's go.”

A small, tremulous sigh of relief and Kara slipped her hand into Lena's as they walked out. Behind them, the lab shut down room by room, like it was going into sleep mode.

When they were above ground again, walking down the path towards the house, still hand in hand, Kara's smile stretched into one that took over her whole face.

The weight was already starting to lift from her shoulders.

“Hey...” She tugged Lena gently until she looked at her. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” She shrugged, lifting her chin. “What are friends for?”

Kara absolutely lost it, doubling over in full bodied laughter.

The rest of the weekend passed without much incident. They spent it just getting to know each other again or, rather, for Kara to get to know Lena and begin to embrace her new life. Lena was true to her word, she didn't run any tests or set foot in the lab or even try to sneak away to parse through data on her many devices. Instead, she turned them all off and stayed with Kara, ever present, matching her stride for stride.

After the first day, the disquiet all but vanished. The second day, Kara was breathing much easier. By Monday, it seemed like the full faced smile she wore would become permanent. She'd never laughed so much in her life.

In just a small polka dot bikini, she cheerily pushed open the French doors, still damp from the pool. She was determined to drag Lena out to join her. It was an unbelievably beautiful day and Lena had promised she would stay home from work so that they could enjoy it together. They deserved a long weekend after the tumultuous past week.

Except Lena hadn’t left her home office and it was almost noon. As Kara went down the hall, she overheard Lena saying, “Just push it to next week and tell him if he wants Catco to move forward with his profile then he’ll do it on our terms. If not, we won’t hesitate to scrap the whole thing.”

“I knew it!” she exclaimed from the doorway, startling Lena. “I knew you were doing my work for me! There’s no way a CEO could get away with doing as little as I have this past week.”

Lena pressed a button on the laptop and raised an eyebrow. “Of course I took on more of your usual responsibilities since you can’t remember any of them. But I’ve delegated most of it between Nia, BB, and Julian. Speaking of the latter, shush. I’ve muted us, but I swear he’s trying to read my lips right now.”

Confused, she came around Lena’s side of the desk and saw that she was on a video-call with Kara's assistant. Lena unmuted him and subtly tried to shove her back before she stepped into camera view, but it was too late.

“Miss Danvers!” Julian cried happily. “I knew you weren’t bed ridden with the flu. You’ve never been sick a day in your life. Loving that suit by the way. Have you been working out? You look positively divine.”

Kara stepped out of the frame self consciously. “Uh. No?”

“The body of a sun-kissed Greek Goddess! Miss Luthor is a lucky woman. No wonder she's insisted on staying home with you. And who can blame her when she’s got you looking like that in her bed? Whatever gene pool you’re from, Miss Danvers, I want in on it.”

“Julian!” Lena snapped. “One more word and I swear today will be the day.”

“I’m simply being complimentary! You’re thinking much more dastardly things than I am, Miss Luthor. Don’t think the quality of the camera could hide how pink your face got when you saw her come in.”

“You impertinent little--”

“Hey! Whoa! Let’s all...let’s just take a breath here. Julian, what else do you need from us for today?”

He rattled off a list of things that needed final approval and dropped some very big names that were getting upset that Kara had yet to return their calls last week. Lena wasn’t paying attention anymore, typing something on her phone.

“Pass the editorial and digital concerns to BB,” Kara said. “She can have final approval for now.”

Lena looked up from her phone, seemingly impassive. “Agreed. And inform the board that we’ll be pushing that meeting to next month. Any grumbling about it, send them my way, I’ll handle it. As for anyone else who’s impatient to speak with Kara, obviously they can wait.”

She put her cell on the desk face up and subtly tapped the screen without looking away from Julian. Kara dropped her eyes and saw the text thread between Lena and Nia.

It’s time for Julian’s quarterly wake up call.

OMG! You’re letting me do it this time? I've been waiting FOREVER for this!!!

The briefs are in BB’s office. Go.

Yes ma’am!

Kara looked at Lena curiously.

“If they don’t want to do business with Catco because the CEO won’t drop everything she’s doing for them,” Lena continued easily with Julian, “then they’re severely overestimating their value. Let them go elsewhere. We’re not exactly hard up for business.”

“That may be true, but don’t you think that you should return Mr. White—“

“Perry White is a blowhard dinosaur that should have retired a decade ago, but the Daily Planet continues to hold on by the skin of its teeth due the star power and journalistic prowess of Lois Lane.”

“Whatever,” he replied dismissively, as if suddenly bored by the conversation with his bosses. “I’m just saying that most people would consider it unprofessional if—“

Julian screeched. A loud thudding noise rattled his desk so hard that the camera shook. They couldn’t see him anymore, just a blurry image of a stack of yellow folders jammed with thousands of documents.

Nia’s voice filtered through the speakers. “Wakey, wakey, little Jules. Reality beckons.”

The tell tale clacking of heels said that she’d walked away. They heard a small, pitiful whine from behind the papers.

“I’m sure I don’t have to go into the details, Julian. You know how this goes. You have 24 hours to finish or your letter of resignation will be on Kara's desk at this time tomorrow. Is that clear?”

“Yes, Miss Luthor.” He sighed. “Jessica is going to be so royally pissed at me...”

“And I’m sure you’ll explain just how it is that you ruined the plans you two had tonight.”

“She’ll know without me having to explain.”

“I’m amazed she’s still marrying you.”

“As am I, Miss Luthor.” Another sigh. “I promise, I will have this completed by tomorrow as requested. Is there anything else I can do for you or Miss Danvers?”

“That’ll be all.”

Lena ended the video-call and shot off some quick texts to Nia.

You were perfection.

That just made my WEEK. I bow to your evil genius, LL.

Never forget it.

“Um,” Kara started with her hands propped on her hips, “what the heck was that?”

Lena closed the laptop and started tidying her desk. “Julian has a tendency to let his attitude get the best of him. He even brought it up as a weakness in the initial interview and said that one of the reasons why he wanted to work with you is that he believed you’d see beyond his well meaning impudence and see his loyalty. You did. But he requires some extreme measures at times to be reminded that he’s gone too far.”

Kara considered it and shrugged. “Fair enough. Who’s Jessica though?”

“His fiancée. And my former assistant for that matter, but she heads up L-Corp's Finance Division now. We’re invited to the wedding. Yes, boundaries are clearly nonexistent to him.”

“What?” she cried, eyes wide. “But I thought... I mean, I’m reasonably sure that Jessica is the name of a woman, but isn’t he... Lena, how is he not gay?”

“Why would you think he’s gay?”

“It’s like...obvious?” Kara spluttered. “He’s a walking stereotype!”

“Tsk. You should know better than to judge. He’s very much in love with Jess. She was mortified when she found out that he sent us an invitation, but I reassured her it was fine and told her about how much you love weddings. I might be bored to tears, but you can't help it, you get sniffly every time.”

“I do not--” she cut herself off. “Okay, yes. I totally do. And why not? I love seeing people in love! You act like that's a crime.”

“Love is wonderful. However, the exorbitant displays and patronizing ceremonies in the name of tradition are soul numbing. Weddings are gaudy, ostentatious platforms of meaningless fanfare. People spend half their life savings on one day, all for vanity, and then end up hating their spouse two years later, and spend the other half of their life savings on bitter and lengthy divorce proceedings.”

“Gosh. Were you this warm and fuzzy about our wedding? Because I have concerns.”

Lena ignored her. “Julian is brilliant, but directionless. He has so many possibilities open to him, but he can't seem to decide on a career so he flies under the radar. It's his comfort zone. Sound familiar?”

Kara gave her a knowing look.

“I think Jess pushed him to apply for the job as your assistant. She knows you'd be patient with him and also, hopefully, help him find what he doesn't even know he's looking for.”

“I'm going to do that?”

“You're already doing it. God knows she would never let him apply as my assistant.” Lena smirked. “I would have fired him within five minutes of hiring.”

“Come on. You always try to make yourself out to be this big, bad, CEO that everyone's terrified of, but I've seen you with your staff, Lena. You're an amazing boss and people love you. Besides, you were definitely the best boss I've ever had.”

“That's sweet of you to say, but I know Cat Grant beats me in that category.”

“Oh, Miss Grant is for sure one of the most inspiring people in my life and I learned so much from her, the experience was invaluable, but she was also mean. She yelled at me every day and purposely refused to say my name right for three years because she thought it was some kind of life lesson to prepare me for the harsh realities of the world or whatever.” She sobered slightly. “Not that she'd ever know, but I'd already experienced enough of those harsh realities to last an eternity. So was Miss Grant inspirational and a formative influence for me? Absolutely. But also deeply flawed in her methods when it came to mentoring.”

“Hm...” Lena tilted her head, contemplative for a long moment before looking up again through dark lashes. “You really liked it that much when I was in charge?” Her voice had dropped seductively, a sudden but visceral thrill. “Having to follow my orders? Having to do exactly what I said, when I said it..." She stood slowly, a dangerous gleam in her eyes, and swayed so close to her that their bodies were almost touching. "Enjoyed getting slapped on the wrist when you stepped out of line?” She bit her lower lip as her gaze raked over her most pointedly. “You know, I don't have to be your boss to make that happen. All you have to do is ask.”

Kara stuttered and stammered so much that Lena had to take pity on her before she had the Kryptonian equivalent of a stroke. She moved back, putting a respectable amount of space between them again, though a laughing smile lingered. Kara's entire body throbbed with desire, but she was equal parts distraught and relieved when the charged moment passed. Heady and wanting, she almost shook her head to gather her wits again.

“Jess and Julian have been together for years, but he couldn’t afford a ring. Even though I pay her a healthy salary, he felt strongly about being in a place where he would be able to give her that himself. So about three months after you hired him, you found out about how hard he was trying to save for the ring and gave him a raise the very next day.”

“I guess I really do like him then,” she conceded, “but you two don’t seem to get along very well.”

“What do you mean? I adore that little shit.”

“You threatened to fire him twice in one call.”

She shrugged. “It’s how we communicate.”

“Oh...kay...”

“I’ve finished what I need to do for the time being. I’ll have to work more later, but the rest of my day is officially yours.”

“Yes!” Kara clapped happily. “So are you ready for a swim?”

Lena’s gaze lingered just a little too long over Kara’s exposed body in the bathing suit.

“Absolutely,” she replied thickly, meeting her eyes with a flustered little smile. “I’ll go get changed.”

As she hurried out of the room, Kara couldn’t help but feel quite proud of the effect she seemed to have on Lena. Then the implications of what that effect really was sank in and she flushed a brilliant shade of crimson. The waves of heat coursing through her had nothing to do with the time she’d just spent outside.

After swimming and sunbathing (well, Kara sunbathed, Lena stayed carefully in the shade with giant sunglasses), they had lunch. Their exchanges were so relaxed and effortless. It was like it was at the pinnacle of their friendship but so much better. There were no secrets. They still bantered and joked in silly ways, but there was an intimacy underneath it all that hadn’t been there before. Kara wondered if it should make her uncomfortable, but it didn’t. It was perfect and nothing had ever felt more natural.

“Do you still not like flying?”

“I don’t like aircrafts considering my less than stellar record with them, but I accept them as a necessary evil.”

“Oh. Yeah, of course, that makes sense, but I didn’t mean planes and stuff. I was talking about...you know...”

“Flying with you?” Lena finished for her with a sweet smile. “That’s something altogether different.”

Kara exhaled in relief.

“Why do you ask?” But she seemed to already know where this was going.

“I was just thinking...things.”

“Such as?”

“Well, I wondered if you’d um...if you’d like to go flying? With me? I-I would completely understand if that’s too much or just not okay. It’s only...”

Lena chuckled.

“Really?” Kara groaned. “You’re going to laugh at me right now?”

“I’m not laughing at you, darling. Not really. It’s just...for me, it’s like we’re doing it all over again. You’ve asked me this before. In almost exactly the same way, same words even.”

“Dating, you mean? This is how we started dating?”

She nodded. “You took me flying on our second date.”

“Gosh... It must be so weird to go through this with me again.”

“It is, yes, but I’m actually enjoying getting to relive these firsts with you. Some certain other firsts, not so much, but this? Absolutely. How often do couples get a chance like this?”

Kara beamed and kissed the tip of her nose impulsively. “We should get changed then! The wind will not be kind to you in that. But have I mentioned how much I like your bathing suit?”

“Only about a dozen times.”

“Oh, well, it’s...it’s a nice looking one.”

“Tell me what you really mean, Kara.”

She froze momentarily before awkwardly resuming as if she hadn't just glitched in real life. “Um. I don’t... What?” Her voice had definitely crept a few octaves.

“Tell me what you really mean every time you compliment my suit.”

Kara gulped nervously, a burst of giggles escaping her.

“I-I uh...oh gosh. I guess I mean...you look great in it. N-not just that but I mean, you look incredible! Beautiful! And...um...really sexy.”

Lena smirked. “Was it that hard to admit?”

“I’m just not used to saying these things to you!” She laughed a bit breathlessly. “I don’t want to say the wrong thing and mess everything up.”

“You’re going to mess up and I’m going to mess up. But as I learned over time, us holding back from each other only ever led to bad things happening.”

“So...don’t hold back?”

Lena nodded.

“I’ll try.” She looked back at the pool longingly. “Time for one more dip?”

“We have all the time you want.”

Kara took off, shouting gleefully, and cannon-balled into the water. Lena laid back on the lounge chair with ease. After a few minutes of Kara swimming around, there was a splash, a rush of wind, then silence.

Kara was no longer in the pool.

Lena seemed to know what was coming. With a long suffering sigh, she reached for her phone and pushed her sunglasses on top of her head to squint up at the clear blue sky, waiting.

Soon enough, the same gleeful cry filled the air again, from much higher above, and Kara came catapulting down, smashing into the water with such force that she created a small tidal wave, emptying the pool and soaking every single thing within ten yards.

Laughing uproariously, she kicked at the puddles of water left as she stood at the bottom of pool. She was laughing so hard that she was hiccuping. When she finally pulled it together, she leapt gracefully out of the empty basin and her eyes landed on Lena.

Lena, who was sitting there, highly unamused, but also strangely bone dry. There was a perfect circle formed around her that was also completely dry, a stark contrast to everything else.

“Aw, I didn’t get you?”

When she got closer, she saw the odd shimmer surrounding her.

Lena waved her phone. “Nice try. But your antics are nothing new and I’ve long since prepared myself for them.”

Curiously, Kara prodded the glimmering field that appeared to form a protective bubble around her. “Oooh, it tingles.” She gave her a wry grin. “You gonna let me in or be alone in your little techie ball?”

Lena raised an eyebrow. “You want to come in?”

Kara nodded eagerly, her wet hair flinging water everywhere.

“All right. But don’t think for one moment that I don’t know what this is about.”

“What do you mean?” she replied innocently.

Of course she had her sights set on something mischievous and she didn't think Lena would mind...that much.

Turning off the shield, Lena put her phone aside, laying back on the lounge as she stretched her arms above her head leisurely. “Go on. Have your way with me, Kara. Get me absolutely...soaking...wet.”

The sultry husk in her voice was too much. Instead of doing what she intended, which was definitely to try to get Lena wet, but not at all in that way, Kara was rendered a useless mess of stutters with a face redder than a tomato. She just made a helpless squeak and ran off, looking for a way to refill the massive pool.

Smirking self satisfactorily, Lena settled under the shade and closed her eyes, seeming to revel in her victory.

But it didn’t last.

Her eyes flew open at Kara’s rapid footsteps returning. She was dripping with even more water than before. She'd found a hose and doused herself with it before coming back, courage drummed up, and pointed her finger at Lena in determination.

“It’s not going to work! You-you did that on purpose to get me all flustered and embarrassed because you know I’m not used to this and it was just so you could get away with it, but I won’t let you! This is happening.”

Lena could only shut her eyes and brace for it as Kara launched herself at her. She squealed and yelped in protest as Kara’s cold, wet body came into contact with her dry, sun warmed one.

Laughing loudly and joyfully, Kara showed no mercy as she pressed their bodies together and squeezed her drenched hair over Lena, making sure she got every drop of water on her that she could. The look on Lena Luthor's face was utterly priceless.

“You do this every time! Every. Time,” she bemoaned, uselessly shoving at her. “Why do you insist on this childish torture? It’s beneath you.”

Kara happily nuzzled her wet face into the crook of Lena’s neck. “Actually, you’re the one beneath me.”

Lena seemed to be adjusting to the shock of the temperature change because rather than push her away, one arm curled around Kara’s bare shoulders and she pressed a palm flat on the naked skin of her back, holding her close. For all her protestations a moment ago, she didn't seem to be minding it much at all. Kara inhaled sharply as she settled intimately between Lena's legs, her cheek against her shoulder.

“That...is a rather good point,” Lena murmured.

Kara lifted her head with a sunny smile and kissed her.

They'd been doing this all weekend. A dance that was almost too much and never enough.

Lena broke away for a moment. “I almost got away with it, didn’t I?”

“Almost.”

“Next time I’ll succeed in my escape,” she teased with a determined raise of her chin.

Kara’s gaze softened. “If you really wanted to escape, you would have.”

Cupping the nape of her neck, Lena kissed her again.

When they touched down later, windswept and exhilarated from their adventure through the skies, they could hardly bring themselves to leave each other's side for the rest of the evening.

Kara held Lena for what felt like hours but was surely less. Soaring above mountains and oceans with ease, at times keeping her so close, she felt every inch of her body as if her suit had melted away to nothing. She also tried extending her as far away as she could, with only their fingers laced, to let Lena experience what it would be like if she could fly herself. Mostly, Lena seemed to enjoy being pressed against her, her face burrowed into the curve of Kara's throat and protected from the wind. Kara secretly enjoyed that the most as well.

She flew lazily, riding thermals and avoiding clouds so that they wouldn't be soaked. It was far more like drifting along a river, buoyant and peaceful, than the brute speed she usually sliced through the air with when she was alone. For a while, she rolled on her back, flying upside down, which allowed Lena to lie on top of her. They were molded against each other from head to toe as they flew across the skies. Lena folded her arms on Kara's chest, propping her chin there, and drank in the sights, seeming far more at ease and at peace than Kara could ever remember. Safe and comfortable as if they were merely lying in bed together and only watching a view from a window. Lena feared nothing here, hid nothing, carried no shadows with her. There was only ever trust. Only ever love.

While Lena watched their surroundings, sometimes directing her to get closer or go higher, Kara watched her. Dark hair floating around her face, familiar green eyes drawing her in irrepressibly, their noses practically touching, the thrum of her heartbeat, rising and falling with excitement and anticipation, but never fear. She loved the way Lena touched her, steadying and wanting. Watched the way her full lips curved and shaped around words and in silence. Reveled how they'd felt pressed against her pulse point before traveling anywhere else she could reach. Even after her feet were on the ground once again, wondrous and elated, Kara felt like she'd never left the sky.

After dinner that evening, she sped around, cleaning up, before joining Lena outside to stargaze. It was a little chilly for Lena so Kara zapped an already prepped fire pit, setting it instantly ablaze. Satisfied, she turned to Lena who was smiling and holding up the edge of her blanket. They snuggled on a chaise together under the blanket, fire warming their feet, and laid back to watch the stars in each others arms. Maybe another night they would try flying through them together.

“Did we ever consider taking the other’s name?”

“Briefly.”

“And?”

“You knew it wouldn’t work for me to change my name, not with the company and...everything else. I’m a Luthor and will be one until the day I die. Which would be sooner rather than later if an alarming number of people had their way...” She chuckled at herself.

Kara felt sick. “Please don’t joke like that.”

Lena turned to her with a loving smile, as if she expected that response, and ran her finger affectionately down the bridge of Kara’s nose.

“I’m sorry. I know it upsets you. I’m trying to be better about it.”

Kara nodded, wordlessly accepting the apology, and gave her a smile. “Well, I knew as much about your name, but actually I was thinking—“

“I know what you were thinking,” she said sharply, a sudden turn from how tender she’d been only a breath before. “And I still don’t understand it. How you could consider it for a second. Then and now.”

“Lena, if you’re my wife, my family...of course I’d want to share your name.”

“You said as much back then too. But categorically not. Never.” She looked pained. “Kara, for you to take the name Luthor... I might as well hand you a vial of kryptonite to inject directly into your veins. At least that way it would be a quicker death. You already suffer enough being married to a Luthor, actually shouldering the name itself...out of the question.”

Kara stared at her for a long moment, shocked, but then a giggle bubbled up and escaped before she could help it.

“How is any of this funn—“

She shook her head, giggling still. “I didn’t realize your flair for drama would increase with age.”

Lena's mouth shut with a click.

“I mean, really?” Kara raised her eyebrows. “A vial of liquid kryptonite instead of taking your name? Lena.” She pressed their foreheads together. “And you have the audacity to call me stubborn.”

She seemed to deflate a little, though still bristling. “The...the comparison stands.”

Kara stroked her back lovingly. “I would have been happy to share a name with you, but I understand your reasons. Even if I still think you’re being slightly over-dramatic.” She held up her thumb and index finger to show her just how much.

Lena's arms around her tightened for a moment in gratitude and the initially tense mood shifted as she let Kara’s teasing melt into her.

“I...” she trailed off for a moment before summoning the courage again. “While, yes, legally my name is Lena Luthor on Earth, we took our vows under the House of El. So...anywhere else in the universe except the planet Earth...” She looked away from the stars and back at Kara. “I’m known as Lena Kieran El.”

“You...” she tried to keep her voice steady, “you really did that?”

She nodded. “It’s an honor, Kara. The fact that you even wanted that, wanted me to share that part of you...something that I know is so incredibly sacred... I cried when you asked, if you must know.” She shook her head fondly. “We were bonded in a Kryptonian ceremony, using the proper rites and rituals, presided over by Kal-El, the last male heir of your family’s noble House. It’s all very official. So, should I ever get myself mixed up in some insane intergalactic mess, which does seem to become more likely every year...” she paused to consider that, “the tribunal will be addressing me as a member of the great House of El and not a Luthor. Which will be a fascinating change for me, all things considered.”

Kara didn’t realize there were tears until Lena was brushing them away for her.

“I never... I didn’t think this would ever happen for me. I couldn’t even bring myself to dream about it.”

The evening was quiet as the fire crackled away.

“Our children will carry on your legacy, my love,” Lena whispered. “One day.”

Thunderstruck, Kara almost catapulted them both out of the chaise. “Children?” she squeaked.

“Oh, yes,” she replied cheekily, far too amused by Kara's wide-eyed shock. “You finally talked me into it last year. We’ve been waiting for the right time.”

“B-but... So we're adopting?”

“We might. It’s an option. However, with Brainy’s help, I’m close to figuring out an alternative solution.”

She quickly grasped what ‘alternative’ meant. “For you and me? T-to have a baby from both of us?”

“If Clark and Lois can manage a healthy twin set of Kryptonian-Human children, I know we can manage at least one. As if I would ever let your cousin upstage me.”

Kara laughed despite herself. “Do you guys actually get along or is it a barely contained rivalry?”

Lena raised an single eyebrow and said nothing else.

She laughed again, taking a deep breath, trying to allow it to sink in. But this was just too much to comprehend. How could she... How was she supposed to fathom this?

Kara did the only thing she could think of to do. The only thing she wanted to do. She sought Lena’s lips and wordlessly told her how she felt in that moment with every parting of her mouth. Every eager, hot, and dizzying kiss, press, and caress. She didn’t know what possessed her to say it. She could hardly begin wrap her mind around it all, but somehow she just couldn’t not say it.

“They’ll carry on our legacy, Lena,” she breathed between kisses. “Not just mine. Ours. Whoever they are, they’ll be more wonderful than we could ever imagine.”

Lena palmed her cheek before stroking her jawline with a deep set sort of sadness. “My legacy isn’t something I want to burden a child with.”

“You don’t want them to know about all the good you've done for the world? For the universe? How intelligent, brave, loyal, loving, and so, so incredibly kind you are? That’s not what you want to pass on?”

“You know that’s not the part I’m talking about.”

“My family wasn’t all sunshine and roses either. I learned that in just about the worst way possible. We all have darkness in us, Lena. You’ve seen some of mine, I know you have.”

“Kara...”

“Shh.” She kissed her. “I have a feeling this subject is going to be a regular thing for a while so why don’t we let it go tonight? It’ll be there for next time.”

Lena smiled despite herself and found Kara’s mouth again, pressing her whole body against her this time, easing Kara onto her back as Kara wrapped her arms around her, thoroughly intent on keeping her there.

Tuesday came and went. As promised, Lena opened up the lab again at the exact time that she said she would. Alex was already waiting outside with a jumbo sized latte and wearing dark sunglasses, two signs that Kara knew very well meant she was nursing a hangover. She hadn't heard from her at all in the past three days. Not a phone call or even a text. She'd been concerned, but thought some space would help if Alex was mad at her. Now she wondered if that'd been the right decision.

But Alex didn't say anything. They all walked in together in silence. Brainy joined them shortly after. Kara spent the day exploring what she quickly discovered was one of the coolest places she'd ever been in. Among many, many rooms filled with impressively advanced technology for Earth, both research and medical equipment, she also found a sun room made just for her that looked like it worked about a hundred times better than the sun lamps at the old DEO headquarters, a full blown automated food court, a Virtual Reality gallery, storage spaces the size of gigantic warehouses, a home movie theater, and a 40-something-foot wide and deep tank filled with a purple gelatin-like substance that looked so suspiciously tempting to dive in that Kara decided it might not be the best idea to try. All of that and she'd still barely even scratched the surface of what this lab held. Apparently, there was even a natural underground river that was incorporated to weave through the entire structure. She ran her hand through the cold, clean water as it stretched down a long hallway and curved out of sight through a small arch at the base of a wall.

Kara shamelessly spent about two hours in an expansive zero-G chamber, spinning around in mid-air and laughing like the most delighted child.

Every now and then Valor would find her exploring another section, inform her that her presence was needed, and Kara would rejoin the others to try whatever test they could think of before she was lovingly but firmly dismissed again.

Nighttime came much more quickly than she expected and they adjourned without any progress made. Alex looked more sullen than she did that morning and even Brainy was exhibiting some uncharacteristic displays of emotion that resembled frustration.

Lena barely spoke for the rest of the evening.

Kara returned to work at Catco. Lena spent her time between L-Corp and the lab. Brainy still showed up to help Lena everyday, but Alex's appearances grew less frequent and sporadic. Kara would soon find out that she started to expand her search, moving beyond the DEO's most-wanted-list, to scour the city using her team of superheroes, to pull every possible informant off the streets and interrogate them. Turns out, Lena had been spot on in her assessment of Alex's next move. She tried asking Alex if she could help, but was pointedly shot down. If Kara got involved, it would defeat the purpose of keeping her safe. No one could know she'd lost her memory or they might have enemies coming out of the woodwork, sensing that Supergirl was weakened, and thinking now was the time to strike.

So Kara just kept trying to put one foot in front of the other and learn the most she could about how to fit into this new world of hers. Because it was her world. It was her life. She needed to know how to live it...as quickly as possible.

Because even when they eventually found whoever or whatever did this to her, it was becoming more and more unlikely that she would ever recover her memories. The damage done seemed impossible to reverse. You can't return memories that never existed and her mind showed no evidence of having ever had them to begin with. She could see that Alex and Lena were slowly starting to lose hope as well, but they were far, far from being ready to admit it. If anything, it was making them fight harder. Kara was going to have to be strong for them. Sooner or later...all of them were going to have to accept the inevitable.

Until then, she would play along for their sake.

“I thought I would miss it more.”

They were cozily ensconced in bed, Lena reading new science journals on a tablet while Kara leafed through one of the books stacked on her nightstand.

Lena looked up knowingly. “Supergirl?”

“Yeah.”

Yesterday, she'd had her first call to action from Alex in what felt like a century. A tsunami in Sri Lanka threatened a wake of destruction and Kara flew in to manage to worst of it. It was the best feeling, being able to help people again. While she hated that it took a disaster of that magnitude for her to feel useful, she was grateful for the opportunity to be of service. To use her powers and save thousands of lives as well as people's homes.

“It was so incredible to be out there again, wearing my suit, actually doing something with these powers of mine. I really, really needed that.”

“But?”

“It's been hard not to respond when I hear people in trouble. Sometimes I find myself halfway there before I realize that it's not my responsibility anymore and turn back. That's been...difficult to accept. I'm so glad I was able to be there yesterday and help all those people.”

Lena waited.

“But even though it's been an adjustment, it still hasn't been as hard as I thought.”

“And you feel guilty?”

“I don't know what I feel. I just...I still hear people's cries for help, I hear their distress, I hear all the things that go bump in the night and the crises during the day. I hear everything. But what's been the most incredible part of this is that now, when I hear someone cry for help, I also hear their cry being answered.”

“Someone else takes the call.”

Kara nodded. “Before, it always had to be me. There was no one else who could get there in time or do what I could do. And now that's all changed. Supergirl is always going to be the biggest part of who I am, but seeing that I can be that and still have a life outside of it? One where I'm not always running out on my friends and family or desperately trying to have a work/life balance that was basically nonexistent? I'm not sure how I feel about it all just yet, but I did think I would miss being Supergirl more than I have.”

“You still patrol every night, if not during the day too. You also do a lot more behind the scenes to help the world. You're just not rescuing cats from trees as often.”

“Aw, man! I've never really gotten to do that, but I always wanted to! It's a classic. It kills me that it hasn't happened yet. Though, don't get me wrong, I'm very glad the kitties of National City have been smart enough to figure their way out of those situations without me. Good for them.”

Even as she said it, she was still pouting.

Lena's eyes never left her tablet. “Would you like me to throw a cat up into a tree for you, darling?”

“You would totally do that, wouldn't you?”

“Anything for my wife.”

“At least it'd be a step up from 'Fluffy', the pet snake in a tree I rescued a while back.”

“Please tell me you're joking.”

Kara shrugged. “His owner, a little girl, was really happy to have him back. Not exactly my dream scenario, but I'll take it.”

“I don't do snakes.”

“Okay, Indy.”

“What?”

“Indy... As in Indiana Jones? It's just a silly reference.”

Lena's face was blank.

“You mean to tell me that I haven't made you watch the Indiana Jones trilogy with me yet?” Kara slapped her hands on her lap. “What have I spent the last six years doing that could be more important than that? Harrison Ford as the rogue archaeologist fighting Nazis? Next you're going to tell me you've never seen Lara Croft.” The look on Lena's face answered for her. “Oh, come on! Seriously? Not Angelina Jolie or even Alicia Vikander? Jeez, what is our life?”

“You have been working diligently to catch me up on the last seven decades of cinema and have deemed it an egregiously negligent crime that I am so uninformed in this category. Especially because I'm human so I have no excuse because I was born here. I watch just about everything you insist upon. I even manage to like a few of them.”

Kara groaned, covering her face. “It's gonna take years, isn't it?”

“Probably a lifetime.”

She looked up at that. “Well...it's a good thing we're promised to each other for a lifetime then.” She grinned. “I have all the time I need to get you caught up.”

“It's why you married me,” Lena said dryly. “Just to make sure my cinematic education is up to snuff.”

Kara chuckled. “I don't know, I think I could come up with one or two more reasons.”

“What would those be?”

She pretended to think hard. “Such as...expanding your board game skills. And maybe convincing you that participating in regular karaoke nights is vital to one's physical and emotional well being.”

“Never.”

“Never, never?”

“Absolutely never.”

“I could bribe you.”

“We're already on the Forbes list.”

“Money isn't what I was thinking of.”

“Oh, yeah? What could you possibly bribe me with that I don't already have?”

Kara put her book down on the nightstand and rolled over to Lena's side, curling against her.

“I think you probably know better than me at this point.”

The implication wasn't lost on Lena and, this time, Kara had won the upper hand while Lena blushed.

“I can't believe you're propositioning me for sex in exchange for having me humiliate myself in front of a drunken crowd on a Thursday night by poorly belting out 'Love Shack'.”

“Don't kink-shame me, Lena!”

“Please,” she scoffed, “you don't even know what your kinks are yet.”

Kara stopped, blinking slowly. “I...have kinks?”

Grinning like the Cheshire cat, Lena knew she may have lost a battle along the way, but ultimately won the war. “Don't worry, you'll discover them in due time. And, just so you know, I am completely supportive and an ever willing participant in new experiences.”

Kara narrowed her eyes at her. “You enjoy doing this to me way too much.”

“On the contrary. I enjoy it just the right amount.”

Lena finally came up for air after another long day of working in the lab and Kara was trying not be to overbearing, but she couldn't help it. Yes, it was a super cool place to be, but she also kind of despised it. It took Lena away for hours and she would come back exhausted, and it wasn't the normal kind of separation like when they were at work during the day in their respective buildings in the city. There she could still find her. This was different and it was awful.

“I hate that I can't hear you when you're down there. What if something goes wrong? What if you blow yourself up or there's a radiation leak or what if there's even a toxic chemical spill? I would never know and I wouldn't be able to get to you in time. Are you sure the whole place has to be lead? Couldn't we just make it half? That's a compromise, right? I read somewhere that marriage is about healthy compromises between two loving and respecting adults...”

Lena just chuckled. “Kal-El wasn’t exactly pleased with the lead lining either. I don't think either of you have fully grown accustomed to it yet. You Supers don't like it when something is beyond your control – a foreign concept when you're the most powerful beings on Earth.”

Kara tilted her head curiously. “You know, I’m usually the only one who calls him that. Kal-El. Even after all these years, Alex has only ever called him Clark. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were using it as an insult.”

“An insult? To my wife’s beloved cousin? Never!”

Kara snorted with laughter. “Can you two even stand to be in the same room or has this rivalry turned Shakespearean?”

“We get along just fine.” Lena rolled her eyes. “It’s only when he starts with that imperialistic attitude of his that I...lovingly...use his birth name.”

“Oh, I get it.” Kara raised her eyebrows. “You’re snubbing the Kryptonian in him.”

“Not just any Kryptonian. Only when he starts sounding like his blowhard father.”

“How--“ Kara took a breath, bewildered. “Wait. Hold on. What do you know about my uncle?”

“Far too much and all entirely against my will,” she groused. “Let’s just say, your cousin owes me for life after that family drama of his that I had to sort out.”

“I-I-I... Lena, wait! Where are you going? You can’t just say something like that and walk away! What family drama? What do you know about Uncle Jor-El? You’re acting like you met him or something which is ridiculous beca...”

Kara trailed off at the look on Lena's face.

Her jaw dropped. “YOU MET MY UNCLE?”

“Something like that.” She shrugged dismissively. “It’s a really long story. How about we just let you remember this one on your own?”

“LENA!”

“The House of El,” she muttered. “More like House of Drama Queens.”

Kara scoffed. “Says the Luthor in the room.”

Lena outright snorted and clapped her hand over her mouth in embarrassment. “Touché.”

“Next you’re going to tell me you went to happy hour with Aunt Lara.”

Lena pursed her lips. “That’s not exactly how I would describe it, but there was a fair amount of alcohol involved.”

“What the...” Flabbergasted, she stared with wide eyes. “WHAT ON EARTH DID I MISS?”

Lena just tutted and palmed Kara’s cheek. “Not on Earth, darling.” She kissed her sweetly. “But it’s getting late and by the time I finish regaling the tale, I could probably have solved the issue of your missing memories instead. So I’m going to choose the more economical option.”

She left the room, trailed by a spluttering and indignant Kara who barraged her with questions and got absolutely nowhere.

Chapter Text

Days turned into a week, a week turned into another, and it seemed that the more Kara settled into her new life, the more unsettled Alex and Lena became. One evening, after she got home from Catco, she found Alex outside cussing up a storm.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” she replied moodily, fishing her keys out of her pocket. “Because that's all we know, right? Absolutely nothing.”

Kara didn't know what to say. Everything she did lately only seemed to upset her more. Suddenly, her sister turned and flung her arms around her, clinging to Kara with everything she had.

“Hey, oh, hey,” she murmured soothingly. “I'm still here, Alex. I'm still your sister. Nothing will change that.”

“I know.” Her voice was muffled against Kara's hair.

“No matter how this plays out, we're going to be all right.”

“I have to do this, Kara. How can I...how can I just not...?”

She pulled away enough that she could see the tears in her tired eyes. “It's just a setback,” she said reassuringly. “If this life was worse than the one I remembered, maybe I'd be freaking out more, but it's actually...it's pretty amazing. I-I think I could accept it. Not remembering, you know? Be okay with it even.”

“You can't think like that,” she protested. “You can't give up.”

Kara saw her opening, however small, and started tentatively, “I've been thinking about this a lot and maybe...we really should start to consider--”

“Don't you dare finish that sentence,” she cut her off darkly and pulled away. “This is far from over.”

Kara sighed internally, shoulders drooping. Her sister wasn't ready yet. She would have to be patient for them both.

Alex picked up her helmet from the back of her motorcycle and swung her leg over. “Lena's still down there. I would give her some space, but if she doesn't come out by dinner...”

She nodded grimly. “Thank you.”

Without another word, Alex tugged her helmet on and kicked the bike into gear, roaring down the long driveway, and disappeared from view on the sloping private road that led to the bottom of the mountain.

Kara decided to give her a little more time even after dinner came and went, but there was still no sign of her surfacing. Sitting against the headboard in bed, she plotted how to convince Lena to break for the night when she finally made an appearance.

It didn't take a genius to deduce that her wife was struggling.

Harried and worn, Lena didn't say a word, instead disappeared into her closet and reemerged dressed for bed. Kara opened her arms and, thankfully, Lena didn't hesitate. She climbed into bed and wrapped herself around Kara, settling her face in the crook of her neck. Kara rested her cheek atop her head.

It was silent for a long while.

“I’m failing you.”

“You’re not.”

“I haven’t fixed it.”

“Maybe it’s not something we can fix.”

Lena’s breath trembled.

“I wish I could make it better,” Kara whispered dolefully. “I wish I didn’t have to hurt you so much.”

Lena turned her face in further, lips pressed against Kara’s skin. She was quiet for what felt like a century. “Just...try to fall in love with me again? I can handle the rest. As long as there’s that.”

She sounded so heartrendingly vulnerable, Kara could hardly bear it, and tightened her embrace. “Oh, Lena... I thought you knew," she murmured. "That happened a long time ago.”

Lena looked up in surprise, eyes wet with unshed tears.

“I love you,” she breathed. “I am so in love with you. I don't know exactly when it started, except that it was long before now. Not days. Not months.” She sighed. “But if this is permanent, do you-do you still want to try? Us? Knowing that it would mean starting over?”

Lena’s huff was a delicious little warm puff against the heightened senses of her bare skin. “I’d do anything to keep you.”

Kara smiled softly. “I know the feeling.”

“Are you scared?”

“Not if I have you.”

“You’ll always have me,” Lena said. “I made a vow. And I will make it again so you can remember it.”

“Is this your way of proposing?”

“Do you want me to propose?”

Kara interlaced their fingers, wedding bands sliding together. “No. Let me do it. I bet I did it before.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because ever since I found out we were together, I haven’t been able to stop dreaming of all the ways I would have asked you to marry me. I can’t imagine it would be any different the first time.”

Lena laughed softly, dried tear tracks on her cheeks. “You once told me you had a list of 46 different ways you were going to do it. Took ages to narrow it down to two. Then you asked Alex to choose between them for you because the pressure was too much.”

“Sounds exactly right.”

Lena sighed and hugged her closer.

“I’ll find a way to make this right, Lena. I’ll...I’ll do anything to make you happy.”

“I’m happy right now,” she replied. “Wholly and rapturously happy in your arms. I always will be. But, if this is really it...” she swallowed thickly, “I’ll grieve our lost years.”

“Will you carry them for me?”

“Hm?”

“Those years. Will you carry the memory of them for us both? If you remember, then it won’t ever really be lost.”

Lena lifted her head and kissed her breathless.

“Yes,” she whispered against Kara's lips. “I swear it.”

“So...I had an interesting phone call with Ruby earlier.”

Lena barely hummed in acknowledgment from where she sat at the counter-top, engrossed in work on her laptop.

“Apparently I stood her up for drinks,” Kara continued, putting away the last of the clean dishes. “For a secret, but not-that-secret, brainstorm session about how to get Alex to ask Sam out. I just can't get over the fact that I was going to meet a child for drinks. Like, in an actual bar.”

Lena's head snapped up. “You recruited Ruby?”

“I'm guessing by the look on your face that that's something I was not supposed to do?” She snapped her fingers. “I knew it! Child endangerment! What was I thinking?”

She rolled her eyes. “Ruby is 21 and technically, you're outsourcing, but I suppose we didn't have a clear list on the rules of engagement.”

“I have no idea what's happening right now.”

Lena closed her laptop. “We have a plan.”

“We?”

“Yes, we. You are in this every step of the way with me. Memory loss or not.”

“And that plan is to set up Alex and Sam?”

“I prefer to think of our role as less direct than that. More gentle nudging to help them towards making their own decisions rather than approaching it with a sledgehammer, such as arranging a fake blind date and have them show up only to realize its each other.”

“Oh, hey! That's a great idea!”

“No! No, it is the opposite of great. That's what you suggested before and I'm heading you off at the pass this time before you grow too attached. Do you really think your sister would react well to a surprise like that? She'd sooner pull a gun on the waiter to get herself out of it.”

“That is a total exaggeration.”

“Is it though?”

Kara managed to keep a straight face for another four seconds before crumbling. “Okay, fine. But what makes you think Sam would be interested anyway? I mean, I always thought Alex had a bit of a crush on her, but Sam...”

“Was rather distracted at the time with her alter ego, Reign, the World Killer,” she replied dryly.

“Fair point.”

“Sam is...intrigued by Alex,” Lena continued. “They’ve kept in touch over the years. Mostly bonding over Ruby. With Ruby in medical school and Sam officially moving back to National City...we thought it might be worth trying. I’m supposed to bring Sam to the table while you convince Alex. And apparently you've recruited Sam's own daughter to do your dirty work.”

“Not fair!” she cried. “I bet Alex has sworn off love forever after Kelly, making my job ten times harder than yours. So, really, having Ruby as an ally is just good stratagem.”

“You’re the superhero. You're supposed to do the heavy lifting, not give it to the kid.”

Kara snorted with a grin. “Okay, I’m actually way too excited about us playing matchmakers to argue!” She squealed, waving her hands. “Where are we at in the plan? I know you have a plan. If it’s a less than eight stage mission, I will be so disappointed by your lack of dedication.”

“Please.” She leveled a steely gaze at her and opened her laptop again. “You know any plan of mine that has less than fourteen points is just phoning it in. Give me some credit.”

Kara laughed and bounded around the kitchen island to wrap her arms around Lena’s waist from behind. She tucked her chin in the crook of her shoulder. “You’re right. Silly of me to even think it. Show me whatcha got.”

Lena paused, considering it, then started unbuttoning her top. “If you insist.”

A strangled sort of yelping noise came from the back of Kara’s throat, but she pressed her cheek further against Lena’s neck and held on, gazing down hungrily. “W-what are you doing?”

“Exactly what you asked me to do,” she replied smugly.

“But I--” The words vanished in an instant, along with all conscious, rational thought.

Lena wasn't wearing a bra.

How did Kara not notice that she wasn't wearing a bra? But, why would she be wearing one, anyway? It was early evening. Lena had come home and changed out of her work clothes. She wore some loose pajama shorts and a button down shirt that suspiciously looked like it might belong to Kara, but who was she to say anything? She didn't remember that specific shirt. Only that it looked like something she would wear far more than it would match anything in Lena's wardrobe. But that's what Lena was wearing – or wearing less of now – as she tilted her head back searchingly. Kara didn't think twice, drawn to those lips by an unseen force that wouldn't be denied. It was honestly embarrassing, the sounds she made, when Lena covered her hands at her waist and slowly slid them upwards over smooth, soft skin.

They'd only ever gone as far as kissing until now. Maybe slightly farther. Just barely. Mostly, Kara was still grappling with the bombardment of new sensations and simultaneously keeping a tight rein on them so that she wouldn't slip up and accidentally hurt Lena. It'd been a long time since she felt this out of control, not since the beginning when she landed on Earth. When she had to learn to manage her emotions, gauge her strength, and practice, practice, practice, until it became second nature. The way she felt when Lena touched her though...it threw all of her previous work out the window and forced her to start from scratch.

Naturally, the next thought was the red sun emitters that Lena created to solve this very dilemma. Which is why Kara had to face the deeper root of the issue. There were times when she wanted to dive in headfirst, caution be damned, let herself be swept away in Lena's arms, but it was also overwhelming and, frankly, petrifying. She wasn't used to these feelings, the sheer strength of them, the way they overtook her almost completely, to the point where she would forget all else.

She didn't hear Alex outside.

“Hey guys, I'm fin-- NO!” Alex covered her eyes and swore so foully that Kara cringed. Eliza wasn’t the type to wash their mouths out with soap when they were kids, but if she’d heard this, she might have changed her mind. Blindly, Alex stumbled backwards, grappling for the door. “I don't deserve this, goddammit. I'm a good fucking person!”

Kara had leapt back immediately, looking every bit as guilty as she was of getting caught with her hand – hands – in the proverbial cookie jar. She was reeling. In a singular moment, she'd gone from the blindness of desire, to being jolted back to reality with her sister at the door, swearing and trying to escape, close to smacking her head into the frame. Lena's voice was the only thing keeping her grounded, instead of full on freaking out alongside Alex, which she really did feel like doing.

“For Christ's sake.” She left her shirt open, uncaring. “We're all adults here. You do realize that you just walked into the privacy of my home that I share with my wife? I mean, would you prefer we be celibate?”

“Yes!”

Kara found her wits enough to snicker, looking at Lena. “I knew she was going to say that.”

Alex finally found her way back outside and took off without another word.

“For someone so sensitive about her sister's sex life, she's like a freaking bloodhound for catching us.”

“Does it really happen that often? Her...interrupting?”

“Certainly feels like it sometimes,” she muttered, buttoning her shirt reluctantly.

This was the first time she had ever seen a crack in Lena's armor like this. It surprised her. Lena had been so unfailingly, lovingly, and adoringly patient with her. If ever she was dissatisfied by the physical limitations of intimacy between them, she had yet to let it show. She seemed to know what Kara was going through, without Kara ever having to say a word. Which was probably not the case. Kara was sure they'd talked about it all before and she just didn't remember it. She was glad for that at least. She didn't want to have to think about how to explain all that she was feeling to Lena, much less imagine how she would have gathered the courage to express that kind of vulnerability years ago.

Lena never pushed, never showed frustration. She would tease, of course, and sometimes the teasing in and of itself seemed to be more satisfying for her than anything else, but she always knew where the line was. Each and every time, she rocked up to the very limit before slipping away just as easily, leaving Kara in a haze of spinning pleasure and awe. She loved her for that. She loved her for so many things.

But, just now with Alex's untimeliness, this was the first time she'd seen even a shadow of disappointment from Lena. For that matter, it was also the most comfortable Kara had been with where they were going. If Alex hadn't walked in on them, she truly wondered what would have happened. There was no part of her right then that said 'stop'. She so badly wanted Lena. Desperately, even. Despite feeling overwhelmed and nervous, she wanted to know what it would feel like. What it would be. Her trepidation had been getting in the way so far, but she knew (and Lena certainly seemed to know) it wasn't going to last forever.

Except Alex never should have been able to walk in on them and catch Kara off guard like that. In that moment, Kara could only hear Lena. The sound of the buttons on her shirt slipping open, the rustling of fabric being pulled aside, the racing of her heart, the way her breath quickened, even the very blood pumping through her veins. She was so lost in it all, swept away in an instant, that she never saw what was coming next. What if it hadn't been Alex? What it'd been something dangerous? Something far, far worse than her sister walking in at an inopportune moment?

Restraint was vital, paramount even, for a being like Kara. Forget the Kryptonian culture of emotional restraint, her existence on Earth with these powers made the need for control a necessity, not a personality flaw. If not for her extraordinary discipline, she could accidentally unleash unfathomable destruction upon the people of this planet in the blink of an eye. That same discipline was also what enabled her to be able to help so many of them.

But to be with Lena, fully be with Lena, she would have to give that up that control. She would have to be able to let go. Freedom was a concept, not a reality for her. Lena said that they'd found a way, that it was possible, but she just couldn't imagine how that could be right. It wasn't safe, not for anyone, for her to consider doing something like that.

However, rather than address the elephant in the room, Kara cleared her throat, and pretended like the moment never happened. That was her default after all. A small part of her whispered 'coward' from the depths, but she ignored it.

“I didn't know Alex was here. I thought she wasn't coming by until later. Was she in the lab?”

“No, she was field training,” Lena replied with ease. She seemed more than willing to follow Kara's lead and act as if they weren't just about to start something new (or not so new for her). “The grounds are only a couple miles away. I guess they finished early.”

“Training grounds? You mean a DEO site or something? I didn't think you'd let the DEO set up shop so close to us.”

“And you'd be exactly right. It's our private training facility.”

“Like a home gym?”

“Hmm...more like an all purpose space to accommodate and test a wide variety of superpowers. You know, you could go check it out yourself.”

“Really?”

She nodded.

“And I can just walk in because it's...ours? Oh my gosh, yes! I wanna see it! Can I go now? Which direction is it in? Should I be wearing my suit? Definitely should have the suit, right?”

“It would probably be for the best if Supergirl went,” she agreed, bemused, “unless you want to expose your secret identity to a dozen newbie heroes-in-training.”

“We let other people in there too?”

“More than that. Lately, your primary focus has been to train the new recruits. Alex was out there with them today.”

“Like...the superheroes that work for the DEO? Those recruits? I help train them?”

“Absolutely. Who better to do it? You're a wonderful mentor and Alex is naturally the bad cop to your good cop. You guys make a great team. The rookies especially fawn over you. Crushes abound.” She smiled. “Actually, I don't think there's anyone in the universe that doesn't fall just a little bit in love with you, Kara Zor-El.”

“Oh?” She blushed, a mixture of intense embarrassment and pride until Lena put her out of her fidgeting misery by taking her face in her hands and kissing her soundly.

“Go get your absurd prude of a sister back.”

“I can do that.” She paused. “Do you really think she's a prude?”

“I think she needs to stop having a heart attack every time she sees my boobs.”

Kara gulped. That wasn't exactly an easy ask, no matter what Lena believed. She also didn't dare broach the insinuation that this wasn't the first, or even the second, time Alex had walked in on Lena naked.

The grounds were insane. It was a massive undertaking in both land and structure, seemingly prepared for every possible super-ability imaginable. Clearly, they'd spared no expense and it looked like the perfect place for heroes-in-training to learn how to hone their abilities. A far cry from the depressing grey of lead and steel walls in the DEO training rooms. The indoor facility was state-of-the-art and the outdoor set up spanned miles over the desert.

Kara stayed in the background, outside the building, watching some of the stragglers still practicing after the training with Alex had ended. She didn't recognize any of them, but they all probably knew her. As much as she wanted to find out all there was to know about them, the safest thing she could do for now was to avoid them. Even though they were all on the side of good, Alex and Lena were insistent that the knowledge of Kara's missing memories was far too dangerous for anyone outside of their limited circle to know.

“I'm sorry about earlier.”

Alex crossed her arms, standing at her side. “Let's not talk about it.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

Apparently, something in her voice gave her away because Alex inhaled deeply, stretching her neck in preparation, before looking at her. “What's the question?”

“I didn't say I had--”

“Kara.”

“Jeez. You're scary good at that.”

“I'm your sister.”

She sighed. “I just...I need to know if it's dangerous.”

“For you to be with Lena?”

“For Lena to be with me.”

Alex looked surprised. “I thought you knew about the red sun emitters?”

“I do. So, yeah, I guess that does really work. But what about...isn't it dangerous for me not to have my powers? Has anyone ever gotten hurt because I didn't hear what was coming or couldn't reach them in time?”

“No.”

“You answered that way too fast.” She shook her head. “How could you know--”

“Why aren't you asking Lena about this?”

“I don't know.”

“Great. Looks like your communication skills have reverted along with your memories.”

“Alex, I don't know how to do this! I should have heard you walking up before and I didn't. The emitters weren't even on. That's not okay.”

“Hey, no. Stop that." She turned to her reassuringly. "It really is okay. Kara, we have so many back-ups and fail-safes now. You are not the only one who can save the day. It's not all on your shoulders anymore. Besides, Lena really thought this through. She even asked for my advice when she was developing it to make sure she had all potential scenarios covered. In the event of an emergency, the emitters can switch to a yellow sun wavelength and immediately restore your powers. Her design is...scary brilliant.”

Kara blinked. Lena hadn't mentioned that part. “But I still can't hear if someone needs--”

“Your signal communicators still work.”

“The signal watch?”

“We've advanced beyond the watches, but yes. They're connected to the emitters so if they're on when someone activates Supergirl's signal, the alert goes through a speaker system in your house and Lena's lab. No need for super-hearing and you're able to respond almost as quickly. We timed it and there's a delay of exactly 2.9 seconds when switching wavelengths to restore your powers, but your speed more than makes up for it.”

Kara blew out a breath. “Rao.”

“Lena is nothing if not thorough.”

“So, it really is okay? It's safe? No one...no one gets hurt?”

Alex softened all the more. “It's not without risk,” she admitted. “When you use them, you're no longer invulnerable so of course there's a risk, but it's small. It's so small because of the things that you've done, I've done, and Lena's done, to make sure everyone is protected.” She reached out and grasped her by both arms so they were facing each other. “You're allowed to have this, Kara. There's nothing to be afraid of, I promise.” She squeezed her hands with a gentle smile. “You get to be in love.”

Kara's shoulders slumped in relief while the vice grip in her chest finally began to loosen.

“As long as it remains confined to the bedroom and far, far away from me."

She rolled her eyes and shoved her good-naturedly while her sister chuckled.

At least now she knew. Alex was right though, she should have been able to talk to Lena about this. She'd been so worried this whole time and all for nothing. Even though Lena knew and had reassured her that they were safe, that everything was taken care of, Kara still hadn't fully believed her. It took Alex's confirmation for her to even consider accepting it. It wasn't that she thought Lena was lying, nothing as straightforward as that, but when it came down to it, she didn't trust Lena's word. Kara swallowed a stone of guilt at the thought.

Lena worked so hard to make sure Kara was able to be free and still retain her responsibility as Supergirl. And she'd dismissed it. Guilt churned in her stomach and she moved away from Alex, taking in the sight of the trainees again, anything to distract herself.

“Am I here often?”

“We were ramping up training right when you lost your memory. But I don't have as much time to be here as I'd like with my duties as Director.”

“I'm sorry I haven't been able to help. Are you getting questions about why I'm not around?”

“A few. They're all wondering where you are, of course, but most of them are so new they're too nervous to ask.”

“They're young.”

“Some of them are shapeshifters, don't let that fool you.”

“But what about him?” Kara pointed to a boy with russet brown skin who seemed to have some kind of elemental abilities. In the waning light of the evening, she watched as he brewed a small sandstorm a few miles away in the desert, brow furrowed intensely as he concentrated. “He can't be more than 12, Alex. What is he doing here? Is this a boot camp for children?”

Alex sighed, looking reticent. “He's an exception.”

Kara was about to push for more when the Martian Manhunter dropped out of the sky, landing next to the boy. He transformed into the human form Kara knew so well and scrutinized the sandstorm for a moment before kneeling on one knee and spoke to the kid who seemed to be getting frustrated. After a few moments of tense conversation, J'onn stood tall again, strong arms folded against his chest, and watched. The sandstorm looked like it was about die down entirely when the boy doubled down, leapt into the air, floating a few feet above the ground as the storm whirled into something three times the size of what he'd created before. Lightning crackled around him and his eyes glowed hotly, tinged with blue.

“Whoa.”

Alex only nodded in agreement.

Seemingly having accomplished what he wanted, the boy dropped back to the ground, eyes returned to normal, and the storm evaporated. J'onn was grinning proudly and clapped him on the shoulder as they spoke excitedly. Even though she was dying to know what they were saying, it would have felt so wrong to eavesdrop.

“You know you have to tell me now, right?”

Alex dropped her head in defeat. “Okay, but you can't go crazy with a million questions. Not tonight. I'm exhausted. You've already put me through enough today.”

“Ugh. How long do you usually hold a grudge about this stuff?”

Alex whipped around on her. “Why? Are you already planning for the next time?”

Kara almost choked.

“Remember to breathe, Supergirl.” She elbowed her affectionately.

“You're so mean.”

“At least I have the decency to keep it in my pants while you and Lena seem to be perfectly fine doing whatever, wherever--”

“We were in our house!” Kara protested.

“It was the kitchen and you knew I was coming over!”

“You were early!”

“Oh my God,” Alex groaned, rubbing her forehead.

“Just tell me about the kid already so we can move on. I promise not to ask a ton of questions. I will be the most patient Kara you've ever known.”

“Sure you will.” Alex looked back at J'onn who was walking off with the boy towards his car. He nodded in acknowledgment towards them and they both waved back. “That's J'onn's son, Virgil Hawkins.”

Kara was dumbstruck.

“His foster-son, to be exact,” Alex continued. “He was orphaned during a war on his planet and came here with a group of refugees. Last year, the DEO brought him in for a string of petty robberies. He didn't have anyone and J'onn...”

“J'onn took him in. Of course he did.”

“They had a rough start. It's still pretty rough at times, but it's been getting better. J'onn is amazing with him. The amount of patience that man has... I guess that's how he's been able to put up with us all this time.”

“Us?” Kara echoed. “The delightful Danvers sister duo? What are you talking about? He's lucky to have us! We're badass in a fight AND we put on the best game nights. Where else are you gonna find that kind of range?”

“Truth.” Alex shrugged and high-fived her. “Anyway, we usually don't let anyone that young join, but Virgil needs the outlet and J'onn assumed all supervisory responsibility for him.”

“I gotta know, how did he end up with a name like Virgil? J'onn wouldn't do that to a kid, would he?”

“He chose it himself when he got to Earth.”

“I can't believe it. J'onn's a father again. That's...” Kara pressed her fingers to her mouth in disbelief, “wonderful.”

“Are you gonna cry?”

Kara felt the tears clogging her throat already. “Yes.”

Alex wrapped her arm around her side comfortingly. “I did too.”

Sniffling, Kara wiped away some of the happy tears and looked at her. “Does this mean I'm forgiven for earlier?”

She chuckled and leaned against her. “There's nothing to forgive.”

“So you admit it was completely your fault?”

“Unbelievable!” Alex snapped. “You asked me over and then couldn't control your horny ass long enou--!”

Kara sped off into the sky before she could finish.

Their daily lunch date was in Lena's office again today. Not that Kara minded, she never minded. Lena's office was becoming something of an odd safe haven.

It'd been a little over a week since Alex walked in on them. It'd taken a considerable amount of coaxing to convince her sister that it was safe to come back that evening. It was like Alex knew something Kara didn't. Which she probably did, but Kara was too anxious to ask what exactly that was. She did come back eventually though after they both agreed not to bicker over who was truly at fault.

As for Lena, they still hadn't discussed what happened and they didn't cross any of their tentative lines since then. While Kara was grateful for Lena's patience and willingness to give her space, it was also driving her crazy. She just didn't quite know what to do about it.

After polishing off her lunch, she sat back on the couch with a sigh. “So we're really doing this feature thing for Catco, huh?”

“The photoshoot is Thursday, Kara. We can't back out. It's for a greater good, I promise. I don't enjoy it either.”

“I've never even done something like that... That I remember anyway. I'm not a model or whatever like you.” Lena scoffed disbelievingly, but Kara continued, “What do I do? What do I wear? What if I'm hopeless and the photographer yells at me for wasting everyone's time?”

“Darling, you just have to show up. A stylist will pick out the clothes. We have a hair and makeup team.”

“Too cool...” she whispered.

“All you have to do is sit and/or stand for a few poses with me. It'll all be over before you know it. The interview, however...”

Kara winced. “At least Nia's doing it, right?”

“I suppose we could just ask her to take one for the team and make it a puff piece?”

“I hate that we'd have to ask her that. If she's any bit as passionate about writing as she was when she first started--”

“More so now, actually. She's done so well as a journalist. We're incredibly proud of her and all that she's accomplished.”

Kara groaned. “So we really can't ask her, can we? Lena, it's just not right. This is going on the front page. Her name will be on it.”

“So I'll field the hard questions and maybe she can just...fudge it a bit for you?”

“That's the same as asking her to lie.”

“We don't have much of a choice.”

“Just...I don't know, maybe you could prep me on some of the answers? Like, let's make a dossier of all the stuff I need to know about Catco and L-Corp and the philanthropic work we've done. I'll have you know my memory is superb. Practically photographic. Um. The recent gap notwithstanding - that doesn't count.”

“I can answer those questions, Kara. That's not what I'm concerned about.”

“Well, what else could I get wrong?” she asked, confused.

“It's not about getting it wrong, exactly, it's just... We don't do very many interviews, but the few that we have... They've been in-depth. We've talked about our careers. Our working relationship. Our marriage...”

Kara shook her head, shrugging. “Okay?”

“It's... No, it won't work. We'll just ask Nia to refrain from the personal questions. I have every confidence that she will be able to come up with a compelling piece without it.”

“Lena, what are you so worried about? You really think it will be that noticeable that I...” She trailed off at the look on her face. “Oh. It is that noticeable?”

“Look, Kara, it's--”

“Just give me a chance,” she insisted, wheels already turning with a plan.

Background research. She'd have Julian send her copies of their past interviews, all pressers, and any solo interviews they'd done in the past six years. She would commit them to memory, make sure that however she sounded then, she could echo now. She could do this!

“It'll go better than you think.”

Lena gazed at her silently for a long moment before acceding with a wordless nod.

“I won't let you down.”

“I know you won't.”

Hector buzzed in over the intercom. “Miss Luthor, Simon Tycho is on the line. It's the third time he's called today. What would you like me to tell him?”

She grimaced. “Not again.”

“Trouble?”

“Just another arrogant male megalomaniac. They're a dime a dozen.” She walked over to her desk to lean over the intercom. “Hector, blacklist him. He's had enough chances to back off.”

“Yes, Miss Luthor.”

She sighed and looked up at Kara regretfully. “I should...I should get back to work.”

“Oh! Uh. Of course. I probably need to head back to Catco anyway. I'm sure Julian has a laundry list of things for me to do.”

“Back to the grind,” Lena said with a rueful smile and pressed the intercom button again. “Hector, I want those reports within the next 20 minutes. R&D has had more than enough time to pull the data together.”

“On it.”

Awkwardly gathering her things, Kara shuffled towards the door and Lena waved goodbye distractedly. She was halfway out before she turned back.

“Wait, I think I forgot something.”

Lena looked up from her desk. “What did you—?”

Kara’s mouth on hers swallowed the rest. Passionate. Tender. Lingering.

“Oh...” She licked her lips in a daze, tasting Lena there. “I forgot to ask if it was okay to do that. Was it okay?”

Lena’s eyes were still closed, seemingly trying to stay in control of herself. “Go to work, Kara.”

“Right.” She swallowed hard and backed away with every bit of reluctance that Lena seemed to feel as well. Her eyes were still closed, hands balled tightly at her side. “A-all right. Work. I’m going. See you at home?”

Lena nodded and turned her head away, biting her lip as she breathed deeply.

Kara actually made it out that time, past Hector's desk, and was walking down the hall when she heard the quietest whisper from Lena's office. From behind the closed door. Past the tapping of Hector's keyboard and the omnipresent hum of the fans from the air-ducts. She heard it as clearly as if she'd whispered it next to her ear.

“Love you.”

Something inside her snapped. Or maybe it all just slotted together at long last.

Lena jumped when Kara flung the door open again.

“How about taking the rest of the day off?” she asked wildly, then winced because she did not mean to say that as desperately and as loudly as she had.

“I—“

She didn’t get to finish because Hector piped in over the intercom.

“I’ve cleared your schedule for the rest of the day, Miss Luthor.”

Kara beamed. “Thank you, Hector!” she called back loudly and looked at Lena in surprise. “That was fast! It's almost like he knew I was going to...” she trailed off at the look on Lena's face. “I've done this before, haven't I?”

“As much as I would love to--”

“You know,” Kara interrupted cheerily, “I've come to learn a very important skill in the last few weeks that's been absolutely vital to this new life of mine. I think you might want to consider learning it as well.”

“And what's that?”

“Delegating."

Lena chuckled, rolling her eyes. “I wish I could, but I've already spent too much time away--”

“Hector cleared your schedule,” she persisted. “And you have, like, twenty department heads that are perfectly capable of handling anything in your absence for the next 48 hours.”

“Oh and you've already turned this into a two day absence? Give you an inch and you take a mile.”

“I'm just planning ahead for all possibilities,” she replied innocently.

Lena raised an eyebrow at that. “Just what sort of possibilities are you suggesting?”

Honestly, Kara didn't have a clue.

“I guess you're just gonna have to come with me to find out.”

They'd find out together.

“You’re not giving me much of a choice.”

“You always have a choice.”

Scoffing, Lena scrutinized her for a long moment before picking up the phone she'd dropped when Kara burst in like a mad woman, and placed a call, putting it on speaker.

“Whatever it is, the answer is no,” Sam's voice filtered through. “Hector already sent out the yellow alert. Go home with your wife, Lena.”

“I need you to agree to something before I can do that.” She made a face. “And he was under strict orders never to do that again.”

“What do you need?”

“Yellow alert?” Kara asked curiously.

Lena waved her off, tell tale pink staining her cheeks with embarrassment, but Sam heard her.

“Hi, Kara. She giving you the all work, no play line again? Don't worry, I'm on your side. The yellow alert, aka 'Blonde Wife Putting Her Foot Down', has already been sent to all senior management and the labs, informing them that they are not to do anything that would encourage their boss to stay in the building today.”

Kara lit up with sheer delight. That was a thing she could do? And did do? She opened her mouth to reply, but the daggers Lena shot her way made her think twice.

“Sam, enough with the torture. I just have a simple request and then you can call off this treacherous campaign. It's essentially mutiny, you know.”

“You call it mutiny, I call it looking out for a dear friend. So tell me what you need.”

“Reach out to the President of Stagg Enterprises, tell her that she has until end of business tomorrow or our project will move forward without them, then handle the follow up.”

“Done.”

Sam hung up and Lena raised her head, gaze raking over Kara until they met head on.

“Take me home.”

Kara wondered if she should have been as thrilled by the illicit gleam in Lena's eyes as she was or if it should have been a warning.

In truth, it was both.

While they were flying, Lena nestled securely in her arms, Kara finally asked the question she'd been dying to ask from the moment Lena explained why she created them, but was too nervous to summon the courage.

She made sure her lips were next to Lena's ear so she could hear her over the wind.

“Where exactly do you have those red sun emitters installed?”

Lena's arm tightened around her shoulders and Kara couldn't help the tiny swell of pride at the uptick in Lena's heart-rate. For once, she was on her front foot with this woman.

“Hm...I don't know,” Lena whispered huskily. “Where do you want them to be?” She traced the outline of her ear with her tongue.

Kara promptly lost altitude and Lena yelped at the sharp plummet. They dropped several hundred feet before Kara leveled off again.

So much for being ahead of the game.

Lena laughed mercilessly while Kara's face was aflame. She didn't trust herself to say anything else for the rest of the ride for fear she might actually end up dropping them both into the desert.

She used the sky entrance, way more efficient and fun than a window, and went to put Lena down, but Lena had other ideas and was on her before Kara even had both feet on the floor. They stumbled down the hall towards the bedroom, giggling endlessly between kisses, grinning lips pressed together, and greedy hands searching.

“As if we wouldn't have them installed in every corner of this house,” Lena murmured.

“We-we've...every corner?” she echoed breathlessly.

Lena groped blindly for the wall panel when they made it to the bedroom. “Good afternoon, Miss Luthor,” a woman's voice said. “How may I assist you?”

She didn't seem interested in answering, instead dove back to Kara's neck with hot open-mouthed kisses. Kara gasped and yanked her a little too hard in response. Lena seemed delighted by it, but Kara shook her head.

“Lena...” she panted, “please.”

“Tell me.”

“Wha-what?”

“I made you a promise.” Lena moved away just enough that she could meet her eyes, that emerald green with pupils blown. Kara just about lost all sense. “I need you to say it.”

Kara lifted her easily with hands under her thighs and pinned her to the wall with fierce kisses. “Yes,” she murmured, kissing along her jaw, “I want them on.”

She made one last desperate attempt to make sure there would be no surprises - no aliens bursting from the ground or a meteor dropping on their heads - honing in with her super-hearing... Just in case. And there was, blessedly, nothing.

Relieved at her answer, Lena tried to focus so she could speak clearly for the command. “Hope, activate--”

Kara stopped, muscles tensing, and trained her ear towards the unknown. Lena knew the look well enough not to have to ask and simply waited.

“Someone’s outside,” she explained, squinting as she used her X-Ray vision and relaxed slightly. “It’s just Nia. She's driving up. How would she know we're here? It's the middle of the day.”

With a groan, Lena reluctantly disentangled them.

“Oh, no,” Kara whined, “wait, don't...”

But Lena still dropped her feet to the floor, taking a moment to steady herself before releasing Kara entirely. “She's probably here for Brainy. He asked to use the lab for some pet project of his. Alex is with him, but I should let Nia in. It’ll just take a second.”

Kara couldn't bear it. She pulled her back and pinned her to the wall with her hips, Lena gasped at the sudden movement. Kara slid her hands into her hair, cradling her head, their lips a mere inch apart. Forget Nia, she wanted to say. Let them all fend for themselves for a moment, just a moment where it's you and me and nothing else with no one else. Just this once.

"I-I suppose she'll be fine out there." Lena stammered weakly, unable to take her eyes off Kara's mouth. "There's no reason for her to be in the lab after all. She's probably just offering them a ride."

Kara didn't say a word, instead she trailed her fingers over the neckline of Lena's dress until she reached the clasp at the back. Lena seized her by the cape at her shoulders and crashed against her mouth again, hot and claiming. Kara had tugged the dress down over her shoulders when she heard the tell-tale ringing and wanted to put her fist through the wall.

Why? Why did she have to listen in like that? Why didn't she let Lena turn those damn things on before she noticed Nia's arrival? They could have been a normal couple, lost to the world, Nia outside unbeknownst and none the wiser. This wasn't an emergency, Kara was sure of that. She heard Nia's voice and groaned, dropping her forehead to Lena's.

"She's calling your phone," she said miserably.

Lena used a few choice curse words that Kara wholeheartedly agreed with. "And, of course, I left it at the office."

"I might turn to villainy, Lena. That's what this feels like."

"It's not all it's cracked up to be. Just-just tune her out. We can still ignore it, right?" she said, breathing hard with wide, hopeful eyes.

"Right! She doesn't know we're here. We can ignore it and she'd never know..."

"I know you're home, Lena. Pick uuuuup already."

Kara was a nanosecond away from throwing Nia's car to the other side of the country. With her still in it.

"...Except she does. She knows you're here." Kara shook her head. "This isn't possible! How could she have even gotten here so fast?"

Lena sighed, trying to compose herself. "She has the ability to see the future, remember?"

"If she was any good at it, she'd know that the last place she should be right now is here," she said bitterly.

"I'll just-- I'll be right back." She kissed her fiercely and then once more for good measure. "Don't you dare move."

Taking a deep breath, Kara nodded. She could be brave, they'd waited this long so surely she could survive a few more minutes. Relenting, she let Lena slip from her arms. “Hurry?”

Lena was already at the top of the stairs when she tossed back a lascivious grin, eyes flashing with a promise of things to come, leaving Kara practically feverish.

“Nia Nal,” she whined as she fell back against the wall with a thump, “you have the worst timing ever.”

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out with some disgruntled muttering. Seeing that it was Alex, she held it up to her ear.

“Are you finally getting bored down in that lab or did Lena build an amusement park in there too? You know what, I bet there’s even a water safari addition thanks to yours truly.”

“KARA!”

Panic arced through her like lightning. Alex was in trouble. She took off towards the lab, but suddenly darkness blanketed her. Alex was yelling her name over and over again, but Kara couldn’t move anymore. Or if she could, she couldn’t feel it. She was adrift in a vacuum. There was nothing to see, nothing to touch. She might have been falling or floating…she didn’t have the faintest clue. It was all so abrupt that she couldn’t think fast enough to grasp what was happening.

She opened her eyes and Alex’s worried visage was hovering above her.

“Thank God,” her sister breathed. “J’onn, she woke up. Kara! Are you alright?”

Blinking, she tried to take it all in. She felt groggy and strange, like the times she’d woken after being seriously injured in battle, but she wasn’t in pain. Her body didn’t ache like she’d been through a fight. It was just…strange. Like she’d been yanked out of somewhere or something that wasn’t ready to let her go.

Looking around in bewilderment, she realized that she was back in her loft with its exposed brick, sunlight beaming through the slotted windows, and lying in her bed.

She sat up with a start, despite Alex and J’onn’s protests. All the furniture was exactly where it used to be. Her pictures, paintings, books piled in the corner, clothes hung on dressing racks... Everything was as it used to be years ago.

J’onn was there, standing over her on the other side of the bed across from Alex. They both had their hands on Kara’s shoulders as if they expected her to fly off at any given moment…as if they had a chance of stopping her if she wanted to.

“Take it easy,” he said. “Your mind might need time to adjust.”

“What…” Kara scrubbed her face furiously as if that would help it all start to make sense. “What happened? Why am I—”

Alex sat on the bed next to her, sliding her arm over her shoulders protectively. “I found you here a couple hours ago. You were MIA and I finally stopped by this morning to see if you were mad and ghosting me or something, but you were here, asleep, but I couldn’t wake you. Nothing worked. I was so scared…”

“I was sleeping?”

J’onn nodded. “Alex called and I came straight away, but there was nothing to be done. You woke shortly after I arrived.”

Kara closed her eyes, breathing deep, and dropped her head in her hands. “Where’s Lena? And what does that mean – 'there was nothing to be done'? What happened to me?”

“Lena?” she echoed in confusion. “Lena was here?”

J’onn held his hand out, wordlessly cautioning Alex. “You’re okay. Just give yourself a few minutes. I believe you saw a great deal.”

“No!” Kara shrugged Alex’s arm off and jumped out of bed, glaring at them both. The grogginess was wearing off already and she felt more like herself again. But so much was running through her head and the only emotion surfacing at the moment was, well and truly, anger. “Explain. You’re telling me I’ve been asleep for a whole day?”

“Probably closer to 48 hours.”

Kara’s eyes rounded in disbelief. “Two days? That’s-that’s not right! Lena…” she trailed off, unable to form the words. Instead she trained her gaze on them again determinedly. “What happened? Why am I at the loft a-and all my stuff... I know you guys know. Just tell me already.”

J’onn glanced at Alex worriedly, but she only shrugged in response.

“I cannot form a link with Kryptonians, you know that, but I was able to scan the surface of your mind. There was psychic energy at work that kept you in such a deep sleep.”

“So I…I was attacked?” she tried uncertainly.

“No,” J’onn replied at the same time Alex said, “I seriously doubt it.”

Kara looked between them in utter bewilderment before taking a deep steadying breath. With each second that passed, fury whipped through her like a lit match to gasoline. This couldn't be happening. None of it was real? None of... She'd just been asleep? She wasn't CEO of Catco. She wasn't the semi-retired hero, training and mentoring others to step into the light. She didn't live in that beautiful house. She wasn't married to-- Kara clenched her hands into fists at her side.

Not here. Not again.

How could this happen again?

Rage coursed through her veins unlike anything she'd known. Staring Alex and J'onn down, she'd never been so angry with them before in her life. A part of her, somewhere that was very far away, knew they didn't deserve it, but all she could think about was how they'd taken it from her.

They'd forced her back into a world where everything had started to feel like a chore. Where each day only brought more sacrifice and pain than the next. Enemy after enemy, battle after battle. And for what? It only ever made things worse. But she'd found a better place! She'd finally found it and it was right there...it was all right there. But they'd taken that from her. They took away her chance to have a life where she didn't have to be alone. They took away Lena.

“One of you needs to start talking," she said through gritted teeth. "Now.”

Alex seemed slightly alarmed. “We don’t have the exact answers yet, but we know where we can find them.”

J’onn scratched his eyebrow thoughtfully. “I recognized the psychic signature,” he explained. “I’ve seen it before many times.”

Chapter Text

They found Nia asleep at her desk at Catco. Since it was a Sunday afternoon, no one else was on the floor except Kevin who was on the opposite side and well out of earshot.

Alex shook her awake. J'onn, Brainy, and Kara crowded around the other side of the desk, waiting. Nia woke like a shot, back snapping straight, looking around in alarm.

“Whoa. Deep one.”

As she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, she realized that there were four towering figures staring down at her. Shrieking, she kicked away from her desk so hard that she knocked her chair over backwards. Kara zipped around and caught her before she hit the floor, righting the chair quickly, before she returned to her spot on the other side of the desk.

“Oh my God! What are you people doing?” Nia cried, clutching her chest. “I'm gonna have a heart attack. You don't stand over a girl that's waking up like that!”

Breathing hard, she settled back, and Brainy rushed to her side, tentatively placing his hand on her shoulder in reassurance. Nia seemed grateful for it and looked expectantly between the others.

“Well? What's wrong? Oh, no. Did someone die? I didn't dream of anyone dying! ...I don't think?”

“What did you dream of exactly?” Kara's voice was tight.

Nia seemed to actually see Kara standing there for the first time and her mouth parted slightly as a deep-set recognition washed over her.

Alex sat on the edge of the desk. “Tell us everything.”

It took some time to work it out. Nia explained what she'd seen in her dreams, their world six years from now, how unusual it'd felt, and how she'd been more or less a passenger, watching events unfold. The closest she could explain how the out of body experience felt was to compare it to her experiences with astral projection. Everyone started to ask questions at the same time, except for Kara who was stonily silent. After some squabbling, Brainy got to go first and quickly put together a theory.

“I'm going through a what now?”

“A growth spurt” he explained, “...more or less.”

“I'm 23, Brainy! The agony of puberty ended for me a while ago. If you're about to tell me that I'm--”

“A growth spurt with your powers,” he clarified quickly, “not your...form. Which, by the way, if I may be so bold, looks lovely as always.”

Nia dropped her head on the desk.

“It seems to me that you're experiencing a rapid flux of your powers where they're expanding so quickly, you didn't have conscious knowledge of this most recent manifestation. This might be a side-effect of the information you gained from Kelex to advance your abilities rapidly and I remain convinced that it was not--”

Nia lifted her head tiredly. “We all know where you stand on the issue, but I did it and now it's time to move on.”

He frowned and crossed his arms, muttering, “That contemptibly witless rust bucket...”

“I still don't get what this all has to do with Kara,” Alex said. “Why would Nia's growing powers affect Kara and only Kara?”

“What happened before the dream?” J'onn asked. “What do you remember?”

Nia clasped her hands in her lap, thinking hard. “We all went out to Al's after kicking evil Luthor ass.” She glanced nervously at the silent blonde. “And I remember thinking how sad I was for you, Kara. For you and Lena. I saw the way you looked at each other, right before Lena left, and I just...my heart was so heavy. I remember going to sleep later that night thinking about how awful it must be for you both to be feeling so lost without each other.”

Kara cleared her throat and fidgeted with her glasses uncomfortably. Alex and J'onn were perplexed, but remained silent.

“This dream was...different than what I'm used to. It wasn't like a dream at all, but a different world. It was so complete, so detailed, every corner and color and person exactly replicated...it was all so real. I was a visitor somehow. Like it wasn't meant for me, exactly, but I-I did see everything.” She swallowed anxiously, a blush creeping up her neck. “I swear, Kara, I tried to look away or-or close my eyes! But it's like impossible to do when you're a non-corporeal metaphysical entity in a dream world.” She groaned. “The next thing I know, I've woken up here and all of you decided to scare the living daylights out of me.” She palmed her forehead, elbow propped on the desk. “I don't even... I went to bed in my own apartment! I don't remember coming to Catco. I must have sleepwalked here. That's another new and frightening development.”

“Okay, all right,” Alex said, nodding as she tried to piece it together, “so you were thinking about Kara and ended up dreaming about her. Fine. But why was Kara pulled into it? Were you dream-walking her?”

“I don't know. At least, I don't think so?” Nia shook her head. “It didn't feel like that.”

“This most certainly was not dream-walking event,” Brainy interjected. “If I'm right, and there is a 99.94% chance that I am, I believe that Kara and Nia were connected in another reality altogether.”

“So Nia created an alternate reality and put me in it?” Kara finally spoke again, a deep furrow etched in her brow. All four of them turned to look at her.

“No, not at all.” Brainy held one arm stiffly behind his back, gesturing with the other. “From what Nia is describing, I believe this is a rare and exceptional power that has developed, an extension of what we already know of her oneiric abilities. It seems that Dreamer can not only can foretell the future, but now has the ability to journey there as well. It's a temporary, but still very real form of time travel.”

“Time travel?” Kara and Nia echoed simultaneously.

“Precisely!” Brainy replied, seemingly excited. “We already know that Dreamer's mastery of oneiromancy includes precognition, dream-walking, anticipatory dreams, and astral projection, as well as various forms of oneiric energy manipulation. This expansion, if you will, combines those abilities. I believe what Kara experienced was Nia transporting her to a future point in our timeline. Unknowingly, of course.”

“But Kara was just asleep. She didn't leave her bed,” Alex pointed out. “How did she end up in the future?”

“She wasn't physically transported. It was done through Dreamer's powers of astral projection. The body remains in the physical world, but a person's consciousness or psyche, is delivered to a different plane, a different realm. From Kara and Nia's description, I believe Kara's mind was projected into that of her future self's body.”

“Dream-travel.” J'onn nodded thoughtfully. “I've heard myths of such a power, but never knew anyone who had such an ability.”

“It lasted for weeks,” Kara protested. “I was there for weeks, but only two days have passed here. That can't be right.”

“The concept of time in the dream-realm is distorted. You can feel as though you live through years in a dream, when only a few minutes have passed in reality. The same concept can be applied for dream-travel. You could experience months of the future while only being asleep for a few hours in the present.”

“Y-you keep saying dreams!” Kara insisted heatedly, arms tucked tightly over her chest. “Which is it? A dream or the future?”

“Er, both?” he said, looking perplexed and a tiny bit afraid.

J'onn stepped in calmly. “Kara, it sounds as though you were able to time-travel through Nia's use of her dream powers. While the method is different from we've seen before, you were transported to the future through your dreams, for however long it was. Dream-travel is an extremely rare power so not much is known about it.”

“This doesn't make sense.” She glowered at him. “You said that when you scanned me, you could sense Nia's psychic presence, and you knew immediately that it was her.”

He nodded.

“But you, supposedly future-you, did that too. It was one of the first things they did to try and figure out what was going on with me. Future-you didn't sense anything. Why would it be different now?”

“Perhaps I was able to see it here, in this time, because this is where Nia's powers were affecting your physical body. It's likely I am unable to sense the presence of astral projection because of its existence on a different plane. The psychic phenomena was happening to your body here, in the present, not to your body in the future.”

Kara frowned deeper and turned to Brainy again. “So you're saying this was the actual future? My real future? Everything I saw – everything I experienced – that's what will really happen?”

He nodded. “If the timeline continues on this path as intended, yes. You were, for all intents and purposes, experiencing your future six years from now. Walking in your future self's shoes, so to speak.”

Kara's mouth went dry.

“I did all of that?” Nia said nervously, shrinking into her chair.

They all fell silent, stunned, until Kara suddenly ripped around the desk and embraced Nia in a bear hug that lifted the girl off her feet.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“What for? Apparently I dream-traveled you without your consent! I'm an awful, awful Naltorian.”

Kara shook her head, eyes glistening. “I’m usually the one that’s supposed to inspire hope and faith, Nia, but this time you’re the one who's given that to me.”

The girl didn't get a chance to reply because Kara was already sprinting for the elevators.

“Wait, maybe you shouldn't--” Alex cut herself off with a sigh. “Why bother?”

They knew where she was going.

“Hey, Kara!” Kevin waved as she ran by him. “William's been looking for you.”

“Huh?” She slowed for a moment. “Who?”

“Uh. Hotshot reporter William Dey? I think he just went downstairs for coffee. But he's been asking after you the last couple of days.”

“Oh, riiiight.” She grimaced. “That's, um, awkward. Hey, Kevin, do me a favor?”

“Name it.”

“You never saw me. I was never here.”

He nodded gravely. “Never liked the guy anyway. Something about the teeth I think.”

Kara wasn't listening, she'd already started moving again. “Thank you!” she yelled back and apparently smashed the elevator button a tad too hard because it cracked.

She looked up and saw that it was still on the first floor.

No. Too slow.

Turning on her heel, she dodged around a janitor who was mopping and slid across the wet floor before bursting through the door to the stairwell, leaving it hanging off its hinges as she sped away.

Alex watched it unfold from the other side of the office with her hands on her hips and turned to J'onn disbelievingly. “She is, like, honestly terrible at hiding her identity. Look at that! How no one has guessed by now is beyond me... I mean, does this place just keep repairing all the property damage she causes without a word? Do they not care?”

J'onn shrugged. “Power of denial?”

Nia yawned. “Lena still owns the building. People have reported Kara before, though they can hardly believe it themselves, and Lena just ignores it. Everything usually gets fixed within 24 hours. Really, she's the best landlord you could ask for.”

Alex didn't know how to respond.

“You guys!” Nia cried, slapping her hands on her desk to get their attention. “What am I going to do? I guess everything worked out okay with Kara this time, but what about the next? I didn't even know it was happening while it was happening. How am I supposed to deal with this?”

J’onn clasped her shoulder. “Don’t worry. I can help you practice this new ability, guide you through it until you’re able to gain more control.”

She sighed and nodded her thanks.

“From what I know of this power from your ancestor, the memory of the one who traveled doesn't last very long. It fades as any dream does,” Brainy said. “Sometimes little moments could stick out, but ultimately it will revert to feeling like a dream instead of the future.”

Nia frowned. “So Kara's not even going to remember this?”

“No.”

“What about us?”

“Kara will remember that this event occurred but won't be able to recall specific details of the travel. As for the three of us, we will remember this occurrence, but not the information shared about the future. Anything that evolves as a result of the choices you or Kara make based on the journey, however, becomes a fixed point.”

Alex shook her head. “Yeah, no, didn't follow a word of that.”

“How long do we have?” Nia asked. “To remember?”

“I conclude that it depends on the person. It could be anywhere between one minute or one day. To be precise, the longest recollection of this type of event was 18 hours, 56 minutes, and 9.1 seconds.”

“What if I wrote it down?”

“You'd soon be looking at a blank page.”

“And the future isn't altered either?” Nia sat back with her arms crossed. “How can you call it real time travel then?”

“Your definition is simplistic. The future can be changed, but dream-travel is not the way we usually imagine time-travel.” Brainy picked up a rubber band from her desk and stretched it between his fingers. “I suppose you could envision it as such: when you send someone to the future, they're tethered by this elastic band, in this case, that would be your oneiric powers, your dream powers.”

He stretched the rubber band into a triangle.

“You send someone forward and they'll have all the interactions they would have as if it were linear travel, however...” he removed one finger and the triangle snapped back to a taught line, “when they return, the future will not remember them, and the traveler will be eventually be unspoiled once the dream-travel fades. You essentially have the benefits of time travel without experiencing the potentially catastrophic consequences.”

“But isn't the point of time travel to change something? From what you're saying, this sounds like a pretty useless power. Everything just goes back to normal. No one remembers anything so how can it change?”

“On the contrary,” Brainy countered, “knowledge is power. Even without having much time to remember the details of the journey, all it takes is one informed decision, one knowing choice. That single variable alone can and will greatly change the future. Whatever the traveler does immediately upon awakening, using that knowledge, will impact the path their life, and many other lives, will take. Thus...to follow this crude visual metaphor, the shape of the rubber band wouldn’t change, instead its properties could be altered. For example, changing its very color. Based on the tiniest of choices, this beige,” he spread the band over his flexed fingers again, “could just as easily be a stunning verdant or perhaps a lovely coral.”

Nia stared at him blankly while J’onn just sighed. Alex pressed her fingers to her brow, looking pained.

Brainy straightened and tossed the rubber band over his shoulder, knowing that he was losing his audience, and tried a different tact. “Direct knowledge of the future, however temporary or fleeting it can be, without having to be wrapped in dream metaphor – which requires great lengths of interpretation – is arguably one of the most powerful weapons a being can wield, Nia Nal. This is an extraordinary development which would give you a multitude of possibilities to change reality as we know it.”

Nia's eyes widened in sheer panic and she started hyperventilating. Alex had to instruct her to put her head between her legs while rubbing her back soothingly.

“We'll practice, Nia. And, I assure you, I can guide you through this,” J'onn said again, but it wasn't as comforting the second time. “You have these abilities for a reason and I can think of no one more capable or worthy of such responsibility.”

“You're not alone,” Alex promised. “You have us. We will get you through this.”

Brainy didn't seem to pick up on the shift and just grinned satisfactorily at having successfully explained the concept to the three laypersons.

Meanwhile, Kara found herself faced with the most intimidating opponent she'd encountered in all the battles Supergirl ever fought: Lena's door.

She raised her hand to knock, then snatched it away. No, she had to think this through first. What was she going to say? What was she going to do? She needed to tell Lena everything, everything she'd seen and experienced – their future together. But would Lena even believe her? It'd been so much easier with future-Lena, she always knew what was happening before Kara did. Now? Lena would probably be just like Kara was at first – skeptical, shocked, conflicted, maybe even upset. Future-Lena made it very clear that it'd taken a lot of work, a lot of ups and downs, before they reached the point they did. Kara had simply been able to enjoy the benefits of it, getting to skip the hardest parts. How was she supposed to somehow kick-start the process of all of that now? How did they do it the first time? She paced up and down the hall for a good while, mind spinning, before she remembered something Lena said, something she overheard her saying to Alex while using super-hearing out of boredom at the DEO on that first day.

'It was always there for me.'

Kara marched up to the door with every bit of determination she could muster and knocked. Lena wouldn't know about their future, but she might not be totally opposed to the idea, even with everything else that happened between them. In any case, Kara could be certain that Lena would be less blindsided by the whole 'attraction' concept than she'd been. Which made her wonder just how long “always” meant... Why hadn't she asked future-Lena about this? Did her feelings for Kara become something more during the course of their friendship and she just thought Kara would never feel the same way? Or was it there in the beginning? Was it the day they met? What abo--

The door opened and everything in her mind came to a screeching halt.

Lena was dressed for comfort compared to what she usually wore, but it wasn't a Sunday afternoon at home kind of comfort. Hair loose around her shoulders, she wore a fitted sweater, black jeans, and heeled boots. Even though she was just at home with likely no expectation of visitors, she still had a meticulously chosen wardrobe from head to toe. That would change over time, Kara had seen it. Lena would grow much more at ease at home, but she wondered when exactly that would start. Would it happen when they move in together? Sooner? Maybe when they start spending their nights together, she'd see how relaxed Kara was at home, and start to let her guard down too.

“Kara?”

Yes. Right. She was supposed to be talking to Lena now, not just staring at her all slack-jawed.

“Hi! You're home! Good. I mean, um, I'm glad you're not at work on a Sunday. I was thinking I might have to... Never mind. I, uh, I...was wondering if you were free for a bit?” She started to second guess the whole plan at Lena's wary expression. “Um. If you're busy, I understand. I could come back another time...”

They'd agreed to a truce. More than a truce. While it'd only been a few days ago, it felt like a lifetime for Kara. She had to remind herself exactly where they were now and not get ahead of herself. Lena had apologized and they'd teamed up to take down the enemy. Kara had admitted to being willing to try and forgive her. Maybe even being ready for it. The only problem was that they didn't exactly lay out the terms of the truce.

What was it going to look like exactly? Would they be colleagues? Allies? Or could they be more again?

There were so many questions and no right time to start except this very moment.

“It's okay. I'm not really busy,” Lena said. “Just a few reports to catch up on.”

“Are you sure?”

Lena hesitated, but Kara decided to plunge ahead anyway. “I come bearing pizza.” She held up the cardboard box. “I would have brought wine too, but I didn't want to insult you with my wine choice. I thought...well, I hoped maybe we could...”

She was about to say ‘celebrate’, but wow was that the wrong word choice when Lena’s brother was dead and her mother was serving a lifetime sentence in solitary confinement (again).

Lena seemed to pick up on the struggle. “…toast to a hard-earned victory over some very bad people?”

“Exactly,” she breathed.

“All right.” Lena smiled tremulously and opened the door further. “I think have some wine that will do.”

Kara was buzzing internally at having successfully gotten into the apartment, but tried to school herself and appear outwardly calm. She used the time while Lena was in the kitchen to look around around the penthouse as she put down the pizza on the coffee table and shed her jacket. Sterile. Lifeless. A home should feel lived in, not this facade of an interior decorator staging it for the next buyer. Everything was methodically arranged with sharp lines, endless whites, beiges, and greys. Minimalist to the point of barren. Kara wrinkled her nose in distaste. How did Lena stand it? No way. They were definitely getting that house.

Wait. Whoa. Where did that come from?

“I have a confession to make.”

“You're not just Supergirl, you've also been Superman this whole time as well?”

“I-- Wait, what?” Kara whirled around, aghast. “No! No, of course not! He really is my cousin!”

“Just checking.”

Kara made a face. “Ha ha, very funny. No, I-I was going to say that I wasn't completely sure you were going to let me in. I spent, like, ten minutes freaking out in the hall.”

“I know.” Lena's lips quirked as she put down a bottle and a set of wine glasses next to the pizza. “I saw you on the security monitors.” She gestured for Kara to sit on the couch and they seated themselves a distance apart, but not as far as Kara expected. “I think I was more surprised that you decided to use that door instead of my balcony.”

“I considered it, but wasn't sure how you would feel about that.”

Lena only hummed in acknowledgment, not making eye-contact.

The pizza and wine went untouched.

“This is weird, isn't it?”

“Very.”

“Is it really okay that I'm here, Lena?”

She raised her eyes at that and took a breath. “Yes. Yes, honestly, I'm happy you're here. It's only that...”

Kara swallowed thickly, bracing herself for what could possibly come next.

“I didn't think you would want to be. Here, I mean. I thought...well, I don't know what I thought. The way we left it... We did our jobs, right? That was the agreement. And now it's over.”

“So we need a new agreement then.”

“What do you propose?”

“A second chance,” Kara said bravely, though her heart was beating erratically, terrified of what could come of this. “For both of us.”

“Starting over?”

“I don't...” She sighed. “Maybe you won't agree, but I don't want to forget everything. We've been through so much together. I know it must seem crazy to you that I wouldn't say let's just wipe the slate clean or something like that, but I was hoping a second chance would also mean we could keep the good parts and...learn from the bad?”

Lena was silent for such a long time that Kara was convinced she'd ruined everything.

“You say 'keep the good parts' and my first thought is...what part was good? The very foundation of anything that could have been good was a lie. Our whole relationship, everything, was comprised of you lying to me.”

“No, Lena, it--”

“I understand--” she held her hand up, “--that you had good reason for some of it and I've accepted that, I've even forgiven that, but there was so much, Kara... So much hiding. So many lies. How am I supposed to trust you like that again? How are you supposed to trust me? If that's what you're proposing, how would we ever know when we're telling each other the truth? It's been five years of blatant dishonesty, of manipulation, of just endless masks we put on for each other at one time or another.”

Kara leaned forward determinedly, sitting on the very edge of the couch. She needed Lena to hear this. Really hear it.

“I kept a part of myself from you. A big part. And I know how badly I hurt you in the process. But our friendship? For me, that was always the truth. Always. So I don't know how to fix this. I just-I just know that I want to. I know I can't convince you that what I felt—what I still feel—for you is real, as real as it could ever be, but if you give me a chance, a second chance, maybe I can show you.”

“With time?”

“They do say it heals all wounds.”

“I don't know if I agree with that.”

Kara's stomach bottomed out. What if they really couldn't come back from this? What if this truly was the end? For so long she'd been holding onto to the shards of their shattered relationship, praying to Rao there would be a chance to put them back together someday. And now she was circling the drain of an abyss, faced with an existence where Lena would never truly forgive her, where she would never have Lena in her life again. In her panicked devastation, Kara almost missed it. Almost missed the way Lena lifted her gaze. Almost missed the apprehensive, but reverent smile. Almost missed the tremulous whisper.

“But I'm willing to find out.”

Kara's heart slammed into her rib-cage and she stared at her with the roundest eyes. Her throat started to close up on her, so overcome with emotion, but she still managed to choke out a weak, “Yeah?”

Lena bit her bottom lip shyly and nodded, never breaking eye contact. “Yeah.”

“So we're officially agreeing to a second chance?”

She lifted an eyebrow. “Do you want it in writing?”

Kara laughed. “No, no, I'm...this is good. This is...” She shook her head, unable to finish otherwise she might start crying.

Hope.

It'd been so long, she almost didn't recognize the feeling. The smile on her lips finally matched the joyousness in her heart. She'd only made it through the past year by sheer determination and dedication to her sister and her friends. She forced herself through each day for them, plastering on the face of a good leader, projecting strength and optimism, when all the while...the light was dimming inside her. Her rift with Lena had affected her so deeply, but she couldn't let them see that. She couldn't let them know that losing Lena threatened everything she believed in, every hope she had for herself and her place in this world. She couldn't tell them any of that because it would have made it too real to bear.

But Lena was here. They were here together. And that light was burning brighter than ever.

As if she hadn't eaten for the past year either, her stomach growled, and her eyes went to the untouched pizza. Lena picked up on it at once.

“How torturous has it been for you to not start eating?”

“Like being plunged into one of the explosive fire pits on Apokolips!” She made grabby hands. “Please let me have it!”

Lena chuckled and pushed the box towards her before opening the bottle of wine and pouring them each a glass. “Is that a metaphor or an actual experience you've had?”

“A mix of both really,” Kara said around a mouthful of pizza, “I haven't been to Apokolips, but one of its delightful citizens brought their hellfire with them to Earth. My suit had seen better days after that battle.”

“Do you... Is traveling to other planets something you do often?” she asked tentatively, handing her some wine.

“Sometimes. I find myself in alternate dimensions more often than I do different planets these days. But I used to travel off-world all the time with my father when I was young. He took me to see so many beautiful places in our galaxy... I miss getting to do that.”

Lena seemed to be caught off-guard by the candid answer and didn't know what to do with herself except sip her wine. Kara smiled and offered her some pizza.

“Don't even think about turning this down. We're breaking bread here, Lena.”

“Only you could turn pizza into a solemn symbol of a peace treaty.”

“Eat up!”

Slightly exasperated, Lena took a slice under Kara's watchful eye and bit into it. “Happy?”

“To be here with you? Yes.”

Lena was stunned once again and averted her gaze, focusing more intently on eating than Kara had ever seen her do before. However, she didn't seem displeased, so Kara took it proudly as a win and went for a second slice.

“Hey, so I wanted to tell you about this dream I had. You were in it. And...” She frowned, trying to grasp fuzzy shaped memories that slipped away further and further the harder she tried to catch them. “Shoot. I think I’ve forgotten it already though. Nia accidentally kept me asleep for a while, which is fine, I probably needed it anyway.”

“Well, thankfully it was only a dream and not a nightmare,” she replied dryly.

“Nightmare?” Kara tilted her head. “No. Not at all. The furthest thing from it. It was… Well, I just remember it being wonderful.”

Lena froze. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “It was…well, whatever happened must have been incredible. I woke up feeling happier than I have in a long time. Confused at first, but yeah, I haven’t been able to stop smiling.”

Lena seemed to be able to move again, stiltedly easing herself back on the couch after putting down her half eaten pizza. “That’s some dream.” Her voice was measured. “It’s too bad you can’t remember it.”

“Maybe it’ll come back to me.” Kara shrugged, offering a reassuring grin. “But…in the meantime…um, would you want to tell me about your day?”

“You want to hear about my day?”

“Of course. Only if you want to tell me though...obviously.”

Lena seemed hesitant, but nodded. “I suppose I can do that.”

Kara listened eagerly as Lena shared a little bit about what she did at Luthor Corp that day and the plans that were underway to transition to L-Corp again, even though no one knew about the first L-Corp in this world.

“I’ve asked Sam if she’d be willing to step in temporarily to help. In this world, she never took over as L-Corp's CFO. So who knows? Maybe it won't have to be temporary.”

“That’d be amazing! I haven’t seen her in ages. How’s Ruby?”

“Sprouting like a weed from what I hear. Next thing I know, she’ll be driving.”

“Stop it. No way. She can’t be that old yet.”

“It’s coming.”

“We’re getting old.”

“Between the two of us, I’m the only one who is actually allowed to complain about aging.”

They both laughed.

“Yeah,” Kara admitted with sparkling eyes, “you got me.”

Lena’s smile was small, but earnest. “I guess I do.”