Work Text:
"Mina are you ready now?" her manager asked as she stepped out of the dressing room.
"Yes, please wait for a second," Mina smiled at them, thankful for being so understanding for her.
Today is Mina's fan call event, it's not new to her anymore but she's still nervous for some reason, maybe it's a good thing, she's not really so sure.
She cherishes her fans so much, so she wants to make sure that somehow she'll remember most of them if not all, though it seems impossible, Mina still tries. That's where her small notepad comes in handy.
Another manager approached her from behind, "Mina here's your notepad," she says as she handed a small, a rather cute notepad with a penguin design and a pen.
"Thank you," Mina slightly bowed, expressing her gratitude. And with that, the event starts.
***
"Hi Mina!" one fan excitedly said.
"Hello, Judy!" Mina responded, she remembers her from the last fan call event they did, "Oh, you dyed your hair mint green!" she pointed out, she remembers last time that the girl had red hair, she then promised to dye it to Mina's official color and show it to her when they meet again, Mina remembered because she wrote it on her notes.
Evidently shocked, the girl, Judy, tries to compose herself, "Y-yes haha!" she stuttered, "Are you having enough rest these days?" she then asked, remembering the call has a time limit.
Mina thinks before answering, "Except the time that we're shooting, I've had a decent time to rest, our staff is taking care of me!"
Before they knew it, the timer beeped, signaling that their time had ended, and the girl bid goodbye and promised to see each other again, hopefully, next time, in person.
The next calls are a series of hi and hellos, some people shows her their collection of her photocards, some show their artworks with her face on it, and some had requested her to do aegyo or recreate her childhood pictures, even though sometimes she’s a bit embarrassed, she still fulfills their wish, seeing her fans happy is a delight for her.
There are some that she can recognize, people that had been with her since the beginning, people that had become her family throughout the years, supporting her in everything that she does, people that don’t need to be taken down in her notes because she knows them enough to be kept inside her heart, some can say, her favorites. And while there are old faces, there are also new characters that she met, faces she hasn’t seen before but appreciates them nonetheless.
Every two minutes, a new person comes up on the screen and it’s a guessing game for Mina if it was another of her favorites, favorites that she’ll never speak out loud, or if it’s another addition to her family.
The next caller however is much more than a favorite, someone deeply rooted in her life, yet it seems like she’s another new face because of how long they’ve lost connection to each other.
The call started and her pen dropped, she picked it up for a second tearing away her gaze at the screen, when she got back up there’s a familiar face looking at her through the screen.
“Hi..Mina,” the woman in front of her started, she had blonde hair and was wearing a denim jacket with flower details at the shoulders.
For a second, Mina’s surroundings stopped, and continued in slow motion, in the contrary, her heart was beating so fast that she wished for the mic to not pick up the sound. “Hello, Chaeyoungie,” she answered with a slip of the tongue, she mentally cursed herself for using the nickname, Chaeyoung, however, is not fazed.
“How have you been? It’s been a long time,” Chaeyoung spoke again, scratching the back of her neck.
Mina is still having an internal ruckus but she has no choice, she has to push through the call, “I’m great, I’m happy, how about you?” she awkwardly asked.
With a smile on her face, Chaeyoung answered, “I’ve never been better.” she fidgeted with the hem of her sleeves before saying her next words, “I don’t have much time so I’ll say this quick, I-”
Miss you? Love you? Still, love you? Mina anticipates what the other will say, already thinking of an answer.
“I’m getting married.”
Oh “When?”
“Exactly one month from now.”
“Are you happy with them?” I hope you are
“Yes,” Chaeyoung answered with certainty, “She’s your fan actually.”
And Mina doesn’t know what came to her mind to ask, “Do you want me to come?”
Chaeyoung was taken aback by the sudden offer, “W-we don’t have much budget to pay for your talent fee, Mina.” she felt her neck heat up, embarrassed.
Something about Chaeyoung’s words and the way she looked down pulled her heartstrings, is it guilt? Pain? Or anger? Mina doesn't know anymore, she lost care about the staff inside the room or her managers looking at her, “I’ll be attending as a friend, Chaeyoung.”
The other line didn’t answer immediately, it was as if the screen froze, it was when she looked up again that she spoke, “I think it would be for the best...that you don’t.”
Then the alarm beeped, telling them it’s over. They’re over.
Before the call ended, Mina uttered, “I’ll be happy for you,” will, because she can’t feel anything at the moment, she doesn't know if Chaeyoung heard what she said but she hopes she did.
When the screen turned black, all the weight that she kept carrying throughout the whole call crashed down on her, its heaviness opened a scar that wasn’t healed and it probably never would heal even with time. It’s a big cut that’s left open for the whole world to see, caused by the person who built her up only to break her again without even intending to.
Ever since their first year of high school when they were tasked to be partners on one of their projects, they can’t ever be separated after that, especially when they got together in the summer of their second year.
"Ms. Myoui, are you okay with Ms. Son being your partner?" one of their teachers asked her, she's still fairly new to the school and everyone is being so kind and considerate of her, not that it's a problem but sometimes, it gets a little too much.
"Mina here, take my sandwich!"
"Mina let me pay for your fare!"
"Mina do you want to copy my homework?"
"Don't worry about it Mina, you don't have to do anything on this project, it's on us!"
Everybody is treating her like some celebrity when she's just like them, a normal person who can do things on her own.
So when Chaeyoung greeted her with a "'Sup" then proceeded to discuss the partition of their work, she knew that she'll be enjoying this particular project.
"So that's how we'll end our presentation," Chaeyoung looked up from jotting down notes on her notebook, "is that fine with you…?"
How can a person look this dreamy? Her dark pupils that hold thousands of galaxies, her perfectly angled nose that will put every geometry genius to shame, her strawberry red lips that seem to be too sweet if one is to taste-
"Uhh… Mina?" Chaeyoung waved her pen to catch the other's attention, instantly snapping Mina out of her reverie.
"Y-yes what is it again?" a pink blush crept through her cheeks, "I'm sorry, I-I didn't hear the last part," she stammered.
Chaeyoung giggled in a low voice sending shivers to Mina's nape.
"I said, since this is an art project, we could draw some pictures to visualize our conclusion, it will also give an impact when we present it, did you get it?" Chaeyoung explained slowly to make sure her partner understood her idea.
Mina nodded, "The thing is…I don't know how to draw," she let out an awkward laugh, she never wanted to be swallowed whole by the floor so badly in her entire life.
Chaeyoung then smiled fondly, "We will do it together, I'm sure we'll do great."
And they did.
They were both praised for doing a good job, and Mina felt proud for the both of them, especially now that she's been praised for something that she really worked hard on.
She didn't fight the urge to hug her partner, "Thank you," she whispered.
The short girl only hugged her tighter.
***
"Chaeyoungie," Mina called from across the table as she watched Chaeyoung munch her fries.
The sun shone brightly outside the diner, a perfect depiction of the season they're currently in, tiny birds can be seen on the sidewalk, flying away every time a person walks by.
When the younger looked up, there's ketchup smeared on her bottom lip, "Hmm?"
Mina picked up a piece of tissue then gently wiped off the ketchup, "I'm going to audition,"
"For real??"
"Yes, for real."
Chaeyoung then flashed a smile so bright, Mina forgot all the nervousness she felt a while ago.
"Then I will support you, I know you'll be great," Chaeyoung said reassuringly.
Mina knew she fell harder for the girl in front of her. "I love you."
***
“Chaeyoungie I passed the audition!” Mina squealed on a fine Sunday.
This was the loudest Chaeyoung heard Mina, and though she’s worried about a lot of things and changes that will happen between the both of them, she can’t hide her grin, proud.
She looked up from drawing something on her sketchpad, seeing the girl twirl in happiness in front of her is a very heartwarming sight, suddenly her worries were washed out in seconds.
"I'm proud of you," Chaeyoung said, and she means every single word.
Mina walked closer and ruffled the younger's hair, "And I'm proud of you too, always," she said, content with what they have.
Months passed, and one of Chaeyoung's worries started to become true, the lack of time with each other.
***
Both knew that at some point they’ll have to deal with not being together all time since they still do have their own lives to live, but it was only when Mina started to train at the company mid-fourth year when they felt their lack of time with each other, they still endured it though.
"Mina, are we going to study at your place, or do you want to go to a café? Oh, the library is good too," Chaeyoung asked, keeping her voice low, as she arranged her things preparing to go home.
Their teacher is not yet done with their lesson, something about kinetic formulas, but the whole class is much more focused on the wall clock right above the board instead of actually listening to the discussion. 15 minutes before the bell rings, everybody's minds are already wandering somewhere far.
Mina stopped scribbling on her notebook and turned her attention to the girl beside her, "I have dance lessons later Chaeyoungie, I can't go with you," she whispered, careful not to gain attention from the teacher.
Chaeyoung moved her seat closer, "What about the midterms?"
"I'll cram it when I get home don't worry about it,"
"What?! You never crammed befo-"
Their conversation was cut off when their teacher called their attention, "Ms. Myoui, Ms. Son, care to share what you two are rambling about to the whole class?"
"Sorry sir," the girls said in unison.
***
After they graduated high school, Mina trained ever rigorously at the company while Chaeyoung prepares for college, they still go on dates every weekend and call each other before they sleep. That's the best they can do, for now if they want things to work, they have to.
"Are you really going to Jeju?" Mina asked one day as they ate their Samanco on top of Chaeyoung's roof.
Chaeyoung looked up, diverting her focus from her sketch pad to the girl beside her, "Yeah, I wish I could just stay here, closer to you, but mom wanted me to live there with my aunt," her shoulders slumped, "No choice, she'll be paying for my college."
Mina scooted closer and laid her on Chaeyoung's shoulder caressing the other arm with hers, "I will miss you" she breathed as they stared at the moving clouds above them.
"I'm scared Mina," Chaeyoung confessed.
The wind blew coldly, resembling the tension they're feeling.
"I am too, Chaeyoungie, promise me we'll do great even when we're going to be apart."
"You'll do great Mina, we'll do great."
***
Chaeyoung went to Jeju for college, and Mina prepares for her debut, their only way of communication is constant calls and text messages, and still, they’re fine with that.
The only problem is the company learned about Mina’s relationship, and of course, it’s not okay with them. They forced the two to break up, leaving Mina with no choice, or else she won’t debut, or worse, she’ll be kicked out of the company. Mina can’t afford to lose her dreams, and Chaeyoung understands how much it means to her love.
So they did, they broke up.
The label is gone, but never the feelings, their hearts kept holding on as nothing happened.
They still communicate regularly, except when it’s exam season for Chaeyoung, and when Mina is promoting a new song or album.
***
Two and a half years through her career, six months left before Mina’s dating ban will be lifted, finally.
But as the time to her “freedom” got closer, some "fan" managed to hack her phone and leak her personal social media accounts, and her contact number, urging her to disable her accounts and her phone number. It happened on the week of Chaeyoung’s third-year finals, she gave Mina a heads up that she won’t be using her phone, so she had no idea what was happening.
"Mina it's an order from the higher-ups, we can't do anything about it." her manager said in a stern voice.
"What about my family? My friends?!" as frustrated as she is, inside that practice room, they all know the decision is final and they're just wasting time and energy in arguing.
One of the managers tried to calm himself down before speaking, "Mina you can still contact your family, but you have to limit your contacts with your friends, especially now that we still have no idea who's the rascal who did this. It's only for a few months or less, just please use the company phone, for now, it's for your safety."
"What about my friends?" What about Chaeyoung? She looked at her managers, they all looked defeated, she knows the answer.
Wait for me please, she wished to the thin air.
It all happened so fast.
The week passed, Chaeyoung’s tests were done, she texted Mina, and her message didn’t go through, she tried calling the number, and it was unavailable. Not giving up, she tried contacting her through her social media accounts but it was nowhere to be found. Even their closest friends had no idea.
[Chaeng] :
Jihyo unnie, did Mina contact you already?
[Jihyo unnie] :
Not yet, my calls are not going through either, all of her accounts were disabled.
[Chaeng] :
Please tell me if she ever messaged you..
[Jihyo unnie] :
I will Chaeng, promise.
[Chaeng] :
Thank you unnie :)
[Jihyo unnie] :
No worries, I'm sure she's okay, don't worry too much, take care of yourself too.
Chaeyoung tried and tried, for weeks, but there’s nothing. Until one day, a rumor spread, Mina’s dating news with an unknown someone, it came from when she was hacked. Chaeyoung saw it everywhere, on tv, on different social media platforms, it was everywhere, she didn’t believe it, of course, she’s holding on to their promise of being together once the ban has been lifted, without being able to communicate, she lives in blind-faith.
***
Six months have passed, Mina’s ban has been lifted, but the rumor once again arose. This time Chaeyoung can't, not believe it, the company confirmed that Mina had a relationship but it is then said that the two already broke up. The person was still unknown but it doesn’t matter anymore, Chaeyoung knows it’s not her.
For Chaeyoung it's not about Mina being single or taken, it's the gray area that the person she trusted the most broke her promise. Because along with that promise, is her heart left broken.
She never tried to contact her anymore, Mina doesn't need her anymore, she thought.
***
In the fourth year of college, Chaeyoung met Sana, she's a gorgeous woman that exudes positivity, she's like the shade on a very hot day, a waiting shed when it's raining, she's all a person could ask for. After a while, they've been friends, best friends to be exact, the last time she had a best friend, it turned out to be her greatest heartbreak, in the end, she wondered how this friendship will differ this time around.
As time goes by, Chaeyoung can't help but compare the two.
Sana is very outgoing, Mina was reserved.
Sana uses her words a lot, Mina doesn't.
Sana likes parties, Mina does not.
Sana brings life to anything, while Mina brings peace.
Lastly, Sana is here, Mina is not.
Every time that Sana does something, there's a voice at the back of her mind that keeps reminding her of a certain person.
It makes her think, why is she even comparing? Apart from the fact that it's unfair for Sana to be compared to someone, she lost grasp of the reason why what for?
So Chaeyoung decided that it's time to let go, she stopped comparing, when she's hanging out with Sana, she doesn't think about anyone anymore, she focused on Sana and Sana only, it is then she saw how much of a person the woman truly is.
She's loud most of the time, and probably even louder when everyone around her is down, she's the rainbow after a rainstorm, with her, a quiet night turns lively in the best way possible.
But she's also a deep person, she understands me when everyone doesn't, she says good things about my art and wants me to draw her, every time the people around me don't want to, she listens to me well, and tries to understand what I mean when no one seemed to care with what I say, she's great, Sana Minatozaki is great.
And when she finally saw all of those things on themselves without comparing it to anything, or anyone, she felt her heart fell, deeper than it is supposed to.
A surge of feelings bloomed at the pit of her stomach, she's damned and she knew it.
Chaeyoung hesitated because deep inside her, there's guilt, the guilt of not keeping her promises to the first owner of her heart.
"I'll keep in contact, I'll still be here, please wait for me," Mina promised before everything turned into a mess, and Chaeyoung promised too that she would wait, that they'll be the endgame.
Chaeyoung remembers their words as clearly as the day.
But then, Mina is the first to break her promise, is it still so selfish of Chaeyoung to do the same?
With that in mind, she pursued Sana, and Chaeyoung didn't fail.
***
After graduating with her four-year bachelor degree, she moved back to Seoul, Sana came with her as they started building their lives.
Being fresh graduates, it was hard for them at first, they surely endured some rough patches along the way, countless holidays skipped because they were paid double if they did, all the all-nighters because of the paperwork piled upon them, the overtime that doesn’t feel worth it yet they still do.
The first year of adulting really is hard, it was the adjusting period of turning from a teen who only knew how to study into women who need to work hard for them to survive the real world. There are times that Chaeyoung and Sana wanted to give up, but they came so far already to dismiss what they’ve done.
As time goes by, everything becomes bearable, they get paid enough and their schedules loosened up, they can spend more time with each other and suddenly, life feels worth living again, especially that a person is willing to go through everything with them.
Chaeyoung then decided it’s time.
***
It was unusual for her to wake up in the middle of the night, Chaeyoung is a heavy sleeper especially after an exhausting yet very special event however, this time, it was different. All the nervousness and adrenaline inside her chest riling her up to think about any possible situation that could happen to ruin the second most important night of her life, the wedding is the most, only to be eased with just one word. A yes.
Things happened so quickly, from the planning, telling their family and friends, even the proposal itself, everything went by in a snap of a finger, yet she's sure that she didn't forget any detail, Chaeyoung was prepared, but why is she feeling like this when it all went according to her plan? It was like when you double checked everything but then you remembered that you forgot to lock the door when you're already seated on the bus.
A door that is closed but not locked, something that will keep anyone restless unless they go back to lock it and make sure that it's safe.
She realized, damn.
Chaeyoung moved carefully away from Sana's grasp, she picked up her scattered clothes on the floor, a reminder of what went down last night between the two, Chaeyoung surely did, she put them on then quietly walked outside to the balcony.
The cold breeze hit her skin, it sure is cold these days, she put her hands inside the pockets of her shorts, and she felt her phone placed on the right side, she took it out and scrolled to hundreds of notifications congratulating her and Sana, she tried to reply to all of them but it was too many it got tiring after her 25th "Thank you so much! <3" as a way of taking a break, she opened her Twitter account, only to be greeted with a picture of someone she tried hard to forget but seemingly impossible when her girlfriend is a fan of that certain someone. Mina.
Chaeyoung never told Sana about Mina, what for? she thought it doesn't matter anymore, what good would it bring if Sana knew that her girlfriend once dated a now superstar, that she's apparently a fan of, also, she'd rather not dwell on the past.
Mina matured, that's the only thing Chaeyoung can say, seeing her concept photos for her new album that will be released in a week, she stared at her phone and think.
Now that a sign presented itself to her, it made her think of how long it has been since they actually talked, she has no way to contact her, to personally talk to her without going through her managers, but Chaeyoung knows that she needs to lock that door for her to move forward towards her destination. She'll figure things out.
***
She bought not one, but five albums, her chance of getting in that fan call event was little to none compared to the other avid fans that buy a hundred copies, but Chaeyoung, she'll take what she can get, and if fate is kind enough, maybe it can spare them a minute or two.
***
Chaeyoung got in.
It dawned on her that in three days she'll be talking to the person she planned her first forever with, it was nerve-wracking as heck.
"Holy shit, you do have a lot of surprises huh," she breathed into the abyss.
***
The day came, a quick reroute from the bus stop to the door she forgot to lock. She can finally move forward with peace of mind, that she left everything okay.
At least it was for Chaeyoung, their talk was short, shorter than any conversation they had in the past, but it was enough for her, a time longer than that is unnecessary.
Now, Chaeyoung is okay and fully moved on, she hopes it was also the case with Mina.
One month later…
Staring too hard at her half-empty wine glass, the darkness under her eyes didn't go unnoticed.
"What have I been doing these past six years?" she asked herself.
Her conversation with her boss earlier that day came into her mind.
"You only have a year left on your contract, but it seems like you keep getting famous as a new booming artist would!" Mr. Park, her boss enthusiastically exclaimed.
Mina knows where the topic is going, and she has the patience as thin as a thread to keep up with the niceties.
"Sir, please get straight to the point."
It caught Mr. Park off guard but he managed to regain composure, "Oh, uhm yes, the thing is, I know that technically, you still have a year to think about this but I really would gladly appreciate it if you renew your contract with us, it would be a win-win situation, as much as you need us, we need you too."
Ever since her last fan call event, Mina already considered all of the things that her boss is talking her into, right now, she's in demand and it really is an advantage for her career, but then, what about her personal life?
She did have some breaks from time to time to spend with her family, but what about beyond that? There's a lot of things that she missed with them because of her profession, she's working hard to live, but is she actually living?
"I'm not renewing." she firmly answered.
A surprise formed on Mr. Park's face, that was a big blow, they both knew, he awfully hid his disappointment with a smile, "You can still think about it, there's still a year left, no need to rush your decision, okay? Also, congratulations on your new single, it's weird that you chose to release it one month after your fan call event but I hope it will do well, " he said standing up and patting Mina's shoulder before he left.
Her deep thoughts were cut off when the DJ on the radio introduced her new song, it was exactly one month ago when she felt what real pain was, all her cuts and bruises from practice are nothing compared to what destroyed her that day, "I'm getting married," the voice echoed in her head.
"Good for you," she whispered to herself before gulping down the remaining wine from her glass. The alcohol burned her throat, the sensation brought her back to reality, she can hear her own voice from the radio, it's better than to hear someone else's that she knew she'll never hear again.
Even if memory is removed like a sticker, it's still there so it looks thicker
I can't handle it, don't get further away from me
She remembered how Chaeyoung's eyes glimmered through the screen when she looked up to her that day.
From all the times that Chaeyoung looked up to Mina, no one expected that the last time she'll do, is because she's letting the other down.
We shouldn't call it quits, 'cause I can't handle it
She can't handle it, Mina admitted unapologetically, she wants the world to know, she wants Chaeyoung to know.
She looked up at the moon outside her window, silently yearning for someone, anyone to hear her, "In another time, in another life, I hope there will be you and I, but for now, I wish you happiness, Chaeyoung."
At one side of the moon, maybe, someone did hear her.