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“it was just a joke..”
it’s 11:48 P.M. when wilbur says that.
you see, tommy is like the sun, bright, fun and seen as annoying by some. there doesn’t go a day where he isn’t laughing loudly, his smile conveying a happiness that some didn’t even know was possible, his bright blue eyes sparkling with a certain joy that is timeless.
except; just like the sun, tommy has days where he feels dim. he is darker, and his eyes don’t sparkle, and his smile isn’t the same, and his laugh doesn’t have the normal energy. yet, you have to look closely to see these days. you have to understand him to understand when he feels like this, and even then he may not open up.
today is one of those days.
he hears his usual stream music in his ears, he hears wilbur jokingly insult him, and so to retaliate he yells in his usual persona, full of anger and spite, he hears the silence fill the call, before he hears the infamous sentence, “it was just a joke..”
and he knows. he knows it’s a joke. so why does it hurt him? why does he feel his soul deflate, and the burning sensation fill the brim of his eyes? tommy has always been one for jokes and bits, but something about this one stung. he was just trying to make jokes back, he didn’t mean to actually annoy wilbur.
but if there’s anything tommy knows, he knows the show must go on. so before he can get too in his head, he tries to snap back into his regular persona, hoping the audience didn’t see his little crybaby moment.
he knows they saw.
“well i know that, bitch! you are just so stupid.”
he hopes it sounds like him.
wilbur sighs, ( definitely annoyed, and not in the way tommy finds funny) , before carrying on as they continue their late-night stream. tommy acts like he’s not hurt, laughing at wilbur’s jokes and going along with his bits, and wilbur has seemingly forgotten that he had just crushed tommy’s spirit. he hasn’t even noticed tommy’s slightly watered-down jokes, his normal vibes gone from sight.
was tommy overreacting? it’s not like wilbur was intentionally trying to hurt him, and it wasn’t even that harmful of a statement.. so why did it make him feel so sad?
after what feels like weeks, wilbur decides to end stream on a happy note after discussing his music. tommy says goodbye to wilbur, goodbye to their chat, and logs off everything while shutting down his computer. the digital clock besides him reads 1:03 A.M. and tommy knows he should sleep, but twitter seems more interesting than sleep.
logging into twitter, the first thing he sees is #TOMMYSUPPORT on the trending page. against his better judgement, he taps on it, and he’s greeted with pictures of himself seemingly on the verge of tears, looking clearly upset. people caption these photos with “IS HE OKAY?” and “GUYS LOOK HOW SAD HE LOOKS :(“ and it makes tommy feel weak. he’s so weak that he let himself look genuinely sad on camera - he’s supposed to be the funny one! not the pathetic one..
he sees the fans trying to be supportive, and he notices the hate comments that he normally chooses to overlook. “guys it’s tommy who the fuck cares,” “jfc he finally learned how to shut the fuck up..”
it’s then that tommy wishes he chose a different persona to display online.
the sight of his own face looking so upset makes tommy want to throw his phone and never go on social media again. but instead he opts for the safer choice, and so he just shuts off his phone and gently flops onto his bed, not bothering to get into the covers.
he falls asleep that night at 2:17 A.M. with salty tears falling onto his pillow and thoughts of self hatred drowning his mind.
43 new imessage notifications.
what the fuck?
the blond wakes at two in the afternoon, a lot later than usual, only to find his phone had been blowing up with notifications all night. he groans as he sees his discord pings going haywire, there’s hundreds of mentions on twitter and plenty of missed calls.
did he get cancelled or something? what the fuck?
wilbur apparently was texting him all night, and tubbo has been nonstop calling him since eight in the morning. there’s even a few messages from techno and dream! tommy rubs his eyes in disbelief, shocked to see the amount of people trying to reach out to him, but then he recalls last night’s events, and he feels his spirits plummet a bit.
groaning a bit, the boy shuts off his phone again as he buried his face in his tear-stained pillow. why did he have to show his emotions like that? why was he making people concerned?
why were people concerned for him?
he barely hears the ringtone of his phone, but he’s too consumed with his own thoughts trying to tear him apart. it was like someone was scribbling in his mind, thoughts misplaced and mixed and suddenly he can’t breathe, a heavy feeling washing over his entire being.
he was just so annoying, why did his friends put up with him? they deserved better than tommy, who claimed he wasn’t a child and yet sure acted like one.
it’s at 4:48 P.M. that tommy finally drifts off into another sleep full of demons that torment him.
ringing explodes in his ears again, waking tommy from his sleepy state. he audibly groans before finally deciding to pick up the phone without looking at the contact. he was tired of people nonstop calling him, he just wanted it to stop, so he figured maybe this would help?
“hello?” tommy groggily asks into the phone.
he’s met with some shuffling coming from the other side, and it’s only then that he realizes he’s talking on a discord call with wilbur, before he hears, “oh thank god tommy! i was beginning to worry you’d never pick up your phone.”
“yeah, yeah,” tommy sighs, “sorry about that.. what’s up wil?”
wilbur begins to ramble, “what do you mean ‘what’s up wil,’ do you have any idea how worried i was? how worried everyone was?!”
“err.. sorry,” the blond winces at the loud voice coming from his phone.
he seems to notice the hesitance in tommy’s voice, so wilbur softens his own before speaking, “look, toms, i didn’t mean to get upset.. it’s just, you went M.I.A today and no one saw you active on any social media, plus we saw the tommy support trending on twitter and..”
tommy sighs at the mention of the newest trend on twitter about him, rubbing his eyes tiredly, “look, wil, i appreciate the call but if you just called about the trending tag on twitter than i’d rather we just hang up now.”
“no, toms,” wilbur takes a breath before speaking again, “i saw the pictures, and i’m worried for you. normally you don’t let yourself get upset so easily.. what happened?”
“it’s nothing.” tommy firmly denies, his eyes finding themselves looking at his hands rather than anything else, a feeling of melancholy finding its way into his chest.
“i know thats bullshit, tommy, what’s wrong?”
his hands make their way to his hair, and before he knows it he’s tugging on it as if it’ll relieve his stress. “look, i just was having an off-day and was upset by a few things, that’s all.”
“you can quit the act,” wilbur sighs, “it’s just you and i, no audience or cameras. it’s okay to open up.”
can he open up? what if wilbur just gets angry because of how silly of a reason it is? tommy is aware it’s not a valid reason to be upset - so what would wilbur say?
the silence drags on in the call, as tommy contemplates opening up or not, and wilbur is patient with him. wilbur understands how tommy works, that he’s not one to just instantly start talking about his feelings. the brunet knows that tommy is like that, both in character and out of character. so he waits patiently. (tommy can’t understand why someone would be so patient with him.)
“i.. i just felt like i was annoying,” he finds himself wondering, was his voice always this quiet? “there, are you happy?”
“tommy,” wilbur speaks in that pitying tone that tommy hates, “you know you’re not really annoying-,”
“i don’t think you understand, wil,” he interrupts and the words begin to fall from his lips before he can catch them, “i know i’m annoying, and usually hearing people get all bothered and shit doesn’t hurt me, but hearing you sound so fed up with me.. it really set something off in me. and now the whole internet has seen me upset, which is the last thing i wanted and.. i-i’m sorry wil..”
tommy’s voice cracks at his apology as tears begin to drip from his eyes again, and he mentally wishes he could punch himself in the stomach for that. he’s never let wilbur hear him cry before, and he wanted to keep it that way. he didn’t want to be a baby in front of the man who he adored and idolized.
“oh toms,” was wilbur’s voice always so soft? tommy wonders as the man on the line talks, “i’m the one who should be sorry. i didn’t mean to upset you, with what i said and all, because you’re like a little brother to me! and the last thing i want is to upset my little brother. you’re not annoying, you’re talented, and funny, and i’m sorry..”
no one speaks for a moment, before a small sob chokes its way out of tommy’s mouth, tears falling faster as he slaps his hand over his mouth, “do you really mean that?”
wilbur feels his heart break at tommy’s unintentionally small voice, “i do, i love you tommy, and i’m so sorry.”
and it’s at 11:11 P.M. that tommy feels the sunshine find its way back to his soul.