Chapter Text
The mattress dipped again and this time, Neal was aware of Sara shifting her considerable body weight next to him.
‘You okay?’ he asked, groggily.
‘I don’t know…’ she replied, sitting up to take stock of the situation.
Her response rattled him and he mumbled something as he turned to face her in the bed.
At thirty-seven weeks, she’d been having trouble sleeping lately, something which frustrated her to no end and made her restless and irritable. Sometimes, she got so fidgety, she would get up in the middle of the night and walk around the apartment or make her way over to the couch so Neal could get back to sleep. The only problem was that once she settled on the soft, comfy couch, she couldn't get back up by herself and she ended up having to wake Neal so he could help her get back on her feet - which kind of defeated the purpose.
She’d been feeling out of sorts since the previous afternoon, dealing with increasing pressure on her huge belly and contractions that came and went without warning. She hadn't wanted to mention it to her boyfriend for fear of further ratcheting up his already over the top mollycoddling, choosing instead to keep the new developments to herself. At dinner, he’d pleaded with her to eat, reminding her how important it was for her to get plenty of protein at this point in her pregnancy. She’d merely picked at the copious meal of salmon with dill sauce, roasted potatoes and green beans he’d so lovingly prepared and afterwards, she’d suggested they take a walk through the neighbourhood.
Neal had been happy to oblige.
After a couple of weeks of working part-time, she was spending a lot of time at Neal’s, and she was feeling cooped up, something he could certainly understand. The parents-to-be had ventured down three flights of stairs in order to take a ten minute walk around the block, hardly worth the effort. As always, Neal had been attentive, making sure Sara didn't overexert herself and helping her back up the stairs to his third floor loft - something which had taken almost fifteen minutes. They had taken it slow, climbing in increments and taking multiple breaks, Neal holding her steady as they climbed.
Their current living arrangements had been provisional at best following a particularly nasty recovery early on in her pregnancy in which she’d suffered a broken arm and a couple of bruised ribs. Upon her release from hospital, Neal had insisted she come and stay with him at June’s and she’d been only too happy to accept his invitation. But that was months ago… and she was still living there even though she still had her apartment in Park Slope, reluctant to let it go.
The one thing Sara Ellis knew about her boyfriend was that he was steadfastly devoted to those he loved, loyal to a fault. Once they'd made the mutual commitment to co-parent their little bundle of joy, there’d been no doubt in her mind that they were both in for the long haul. But their decision to co-parent had never extended to their future as a couple and although Neal had been nothing but caring and understanding, they had yet to tackle the all-important discussion regarding permanent living arrangements.
Predictably, and with too much time on her hands, Sara had begun to overthink the situation. Was Neal, as he claimed, happy with their present living arrangements? And would he tell her if he wasn’t? Over the last few days, unbeknownst to him, she'd become riddled with self-doubt, thinking ahead to the coming weeks. In the absence of any definitive plans, she wondered if she wouldn't be better off moving back to her own place and giving Neal a little room to breathe. A lot of couples lived apart, she reasoned, raising children together without necessarily living under the same roof. Maybe they should think about settling into a routine before the baby arrived.
Regardless of her nagging doubts, Sara had to admit that their relationship had never been more solid. She loved Neal, of that there was no doubt, and he loved her as he’d proven time and time again over the past few months. And yet, the doubts lingered. And multiplied.
‘Owww’ she muttered as she fidgeted on the bed. ‘That was a strong one.’
Neal sat up, finally taking notice. ‘A strong what?’
‘Nothing, I’m just uncomfortable that’s all’ she said, sitting up in bed and reaching for her aching back.
She was suddenly wide awake and in a sharing mood, whether her boyfriend was up to talking or not. The fact that it was the middle of the night didn't deter her and Sara charged ahead, needing to finally come clean about what had been on her mind for days now.
‘Neal, I’ve been thinking… maybe I should move back to my place. You’re not getting the sleep you need and I’m always worried that I’m keeping you up nights’ she said, trying to ignore the intense contractions she’d been having for the past hour.
‘What are you talking about?’ he asked, sitting up to join her.
‘I don’t know... I moved in here after I was discharged from the hospital and then I just never left. But I have my own apartment and… well, when we agreed to have this baby, we never really talked about living arrangements and I don’t think we should take anything for granted.’
Neal winced, trying to shake off the last remnants of sleep. ‘Babe, what are you talking about?’
‘I’ve still got my place and…’
‘And?’ he said, checking the time. ‘Do you think maybe we could talk about this in the morning? I’ve got to be up in another couple of hours.’
‘That’s just it, Neal’ she said, her voice growing shaky. ‘There never seems to be a good time to talk about it, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot.’
He could hear emotion growing in her voice and despite the urge to turn over and go back to sleep, he reached over and turned on the bedside lamp, looking over at his girlfriend and noticing tears threatening in her eyes.
‘Sara, what’s really going on here?’ he asked, growing concerned.
‘Nothing’ she moaned.
He waited patiently for her to come clean. ‘I’ve just been thinking… it was really sweet of you to let me stay here after I left the hospital but… I don’t want you to feel like you have to…’
‘I don’t’ he said, taking her hand. ‘You know I love having you here.’
She turned away. 'Maybe I should move back to my place and you could stay here and… look, it’s bad enough you’re not getting any sleep now, when the baby gets here, she’ll be waking up to be fed and…’
‘Babe, I know all that. What makes you think I don’t want you here?’
‘Just what I said, we never really made a conscious decision to live in the same place. I mean… permanently.’
‘O-kay,’ he said as patiently as he could manage, fighting to urge to sink back onto his pillow and back to blissful sleep. Instead, he brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles gently. ‘I love you…’ he murmured. ‘And I’m making the conscious decision to live with you and the baby in the same place. Does that work for you?’
‘Owwww!’ she let out, holding on to her stomach.
‘Okay, now you’re scaring me. Are you having contractions?’ he asked, now fully awake.
‘I’m not sure, I’ve been having these… spasms off and on since we came to bed’ she admitted with a worried look.
‘Why didn’t you wake me up?’ he said a little more harshly that he’d intended.
She snorted and for a minute there, he thought she was going to burst into tears - not unheard of as of late.
‘That’s just it, Neal’ she cried. ‘You need your sleep.’
He turned to face her full on, thoughts of going back to sleep fading quickly. ‘Sara, if you’re having contractions, you need to tell me. How often are they coming?’
‘I’ve had about four or five but the last couple were pretty bad.’
Neal pushed off the blankets and stood, making his way around the bed to sit by her.
‘Define pretty bad.’
‘Like… I don’t know… just super strong’ she said as she rubbed her hard belly.
‘Do you think we should go to the hospital?’ he asked, now totally focussed on taking the situation in hand. ‘Do you want me to call Dr. Cooper, or maybe I should call an ambulance?’
‘No Neal! No ambulance!’ she said, struggling to sit on the edge of the bed. ‘Maybe… maybe we should call a cab.'
Neal had been rehearsing various scenarios in his mind, imagining in great detail the moment when Sara would eventually go into labour. Would he be at work when it happened? Would it happen when they were out to dinner somewhere? Or like this, in the middle of the night?
He’d rehearsed carefully planned scenarios for all possible contingencies but at the moment, his mind was unable to conjure up a single one.
He cursed as he stood and grabbed for the shirt he’d taken off when he’d come home from work the day before.
‘Damn it! Why don’t we own a car?’ he asked, rhetorically, his voice panicked. ‘We should have a car. This is crazy!’
‘Neal, we live in Manhattan, we don't need a car’ she reminded him as she winced in pain once more.
He watched her squirm and trying to maintain his composure, he reached for the phone, and waited to be connected to the taxi company.
‘Do you want some water?’ he asked, taking her hand.
‘OWWWW! OWWWW! OWWWW! That hurts’ she moaned loudly. ‘Help me get up.’
He slipped his hands under her arms to ease her up, watching helplessly as she immediately fell back on the bed.
‘No, no wait a minute, wait a minute, that hurts too much.’
He could feel panic setting in at the thought of getting her safely down three flights of stairs and despite his best impression of Neal Caffrey, cool, calm and collected, he felt himself channelling an old episode of the Dick Van Dyke show and morphing into Rob Petrie, panicky dad-to-be, stumbling around the apartment as his wife went into full on labour.
‘I’ll get your bag’ he said, tripping over his own feet as he ran into the back room.
‘Neal, Neal, wait!’ Sara cried out breathlessly. ‘I have to pee, help me get up.’
He took her arm and walked her over to the bathroom, trying to keep his breathing in check as he stood next to her and watched her pee. After morning sickness, snoring and pregnancy flatulence, there was very little left between them in the way of modesty. He helped her off the toilet and supported her into the main room where he helped her slip on some track pants and an old sweater of his and helped her cram her swollen feet into those flat shoes she had learned to despise.
Sara stopped every few seconds, moaning as the contractions became more intense and Neal just grew more panicked with every passing second. He threw on the clothes he’d worn to work the day before, grabbed his jacket and was halfway out the door before he realized he was leaving the apartment without Sara.
‘Come on’ he urged as he helped her to her feet. ‘I’ve got you.’
WCWCWC
To their relief, it didn't take long for the ER doctor on duty to arrive. Introductions were made with the physician putting his hand out to shake Neal’s.
‘Mr. Ellis?’ he said.
‘I’m Caffrey, she’s Ellis’ he replied curtly. Frankly, he was starting to get annoyed at this.
‘Sorry... Ms. Ellis, let’s see what’s going on.’
Neal stood in the corner, not sure where to look as Sara’s legs were perched on stirrups and the doctor began his examination.
‘How many weeks?’ he asked.
Sara hesitated. ‘Hummm…’
‘Thirty seven’ Neal replied from the corner of the room. ‘Give or take a day.’
The doctor turned his attention back to Sara. ‘And how strong are your contractions?’
‘Strong’ she muttered.
‘On a scale of one to ten?’
‘Maybe… seven, eight. I don’t know’ came Sara’s reply as he began poking around.
He popped his head back up, looking into her contorted face. ‘I’m afraid you’re not in labour. You’re not dilated at all. What you’ve been experiencing are likely Braxton Hicks contractions. It’s just your body preparing for the main event.’
Sara looked over at Neal and sighed.
‘You’re kidding!’ she said, relieved yet disappointed. ‘If these aren’t real, I’m not looking forward to the real deal.’
‘They can be pretty strong and they fool a lot of people, especially with a first pregnancy, so don’t be embarrassed’ the doctor explained as he jotted down a few notes. ‘Just go home and get some rest. Your baby is doing just fine and he’ll make his appearance when he’s good and ready.’
‘She’ Neal corrected, smiling at the doctor.
‘She’ repeated the doctor.
‘How will we know when she’s really in labour?’ Neal asked, stepping closer and reaching for Sara’s hand.
‘Braxton Hicks contractions usually cause pain in the abdomen whereas labour pains can cause back and leg pain as well. Also, if you change positions and the pain decreases, it’s likely Braxton Hicks.’
Sara and Neal exchanged worried looks. It seemed they would have to wait a little longer before their baby girl made an appearance.
Somewhat disappointed, they left the hospital as the sun came up, just in time for Neal to head off to the office to start his day.
‘I’m going to go check on things over at my apartment’ Sara announced as they climbed into a cab.
‘What? Why?’
‘I just… I want to pick up my mail and check on things and then I’ll pop into the office for a couple of hours.’
‘But—’ Neal attempted before she cut him off.
‘Neal, I’m fine. I just… need a little time to think things through.’
‘What things? Babe, let’s get coffee and we can talk things out.’
Sara stared back, eyes droopy. ‘Not now Neal, I need to lie down. We’ll talk later.’
‘Did you remember we’re having dinner at Peter and Elizabeth’s tonight’ he reminded her as he prepared to drop her off.
She nodded. ‘There calling for lousy weather. I’ll take a cab from work and meet you there.’
She could tell by the look in his eyes that he was uncomfortable with leaving her.
‘We’ll work it out’ she said as she struggled to step out of the cab.
Neal looked up at her brownstone, fighting with himself, unsure as to whether or not to leave her on her own.
‘I hate leaving you like this’ he finally said as she scoffed.
She placed a quick peck on his cheek. ‘You heard the doctor, I’m not even dilated, I’m fine.’
‘You’ll call if you need me?’ he asked.
She smiled and ran her hand down his cheek. ‘I promise.’
He watched her turn away and with some difficulty, climb the few steps up to her front door.
‘Federal Building’ Neal said to the driver, feeling totally dejected.
WCWCWC
Peter spotted Neal arriving in the bullpen looking less than well put together, a rare sight indeed. Sensing something out of the ordinary, he ventured out of his office and signalled Neal to come on up. He watched as his CI trudged up the stairs and into his office.
‘Well, well, what do we have here? You look like you slept in those clothes’ Peter said, taking pleasure in teasing him.
Neal gave him an eye roll. ‘I might as well have’ he complained. ‘I got about three hours sleep last night.’
‘Sara?’ Peter asked, frowning.
Neal settled in the chair across from Peter’s desk and stretched his legs. ‘Yeah, she was having contractions and we ended up in the emergency room in the middle of the night. We just got out of there now’ he said, looking glum.
‘Is she all right?’ Peter asked, suddenly concerned.
‘Yeah, Braxton Hicks contractions.’
‘Braxton what?’ Peter repeated, totally mystified.
‘Seriously, Peter?’ Neal muttered, raising an eyebrow. ‘If you’re serious about being our daughter’s godfather, you really have to get with the program. Braxton Hicks… they’re contractions pregnant women get towards the end of their pregnancy but they’re not actual labour — yet.’
‘Oh’ Peter said sheepishly. ‘Why don’t you take the morning off and spend it with Sara?’ he offered.
‘She’s over at her apartment.’
‘How come?’
‘I don’t know...’ Neal muttered, looking increasingly upset. ‘She’s got it in her head somehow that I’m feeling trapped and that we fell into living together without giving it enough thought.’
‘And...?’ said Peter, urging him to continue
‘Well, she’s right, I didn’t give it much thought but not for the reason she thinks. I didn’t have to think about it. I’ve known all along I want us to live together - ever since I brought her home from the hospital seven months ago. I just never said – ‘Hey Sara, let’s make this permanent.’
‘Why don’t you just say it now?’ Peter said, in a no-nonsense tone of voice.
‘I tried… but she’s not really in her right mind right now - hormones raging… She thinks I’m feeling obligated to keep up this arrangement and she thinks we should settle into a permanent routine before the baby comes - with her living at her place and me staying at mine.’
Neal leaned in closer to his handler, emphasizing the point he was making. ‘Peter, we’re going to be a family and I want to be with her and the baby all the time, not just some of the time. I want us to live together, raising our daughter under the same roof.’
‘How much of a commitment are you prepared to make, Neal?’ Peter asked, searching his buddy’s face for a reaction.
‘You mean... the big one?’ Neal asked, his eyes narrowing.
‘Yeah, are you anywhere near that?’
Neal grew quiet, his face relaxing as he spoke. ‘I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I keep walking past Perrywinkles and looking at the rings in the window’ he admitted.
‘Why? Are you thinking of robbing the place?’ Peter asked wryly.
‘Cute Peter!’ said Neal, giving him the old eye roll. ‘I’ve actually spotted one Sara would really love.’
‘So, what’s holding you back?’
‘I don’t know… last night’s conversation for one thing. Maybe she’s not ready to make a commitment.’
Peter shook his head; Neal was a mess of contradictions and he could never quite figure him out. ‘Well, you two better get on the same page and fast, my goddaughter is coming in a few weeks and I don’t want her dealing with any emotional turmoil’ he said, to Neal’s surprise.
‘You’re right, we need to sit down and discuss this. I need to know if Sara sees a future for us’ Neal said, nodding.
A shadow crossed his face as he continued. ‘Maybe it’s my damn past coming back to bite me in the ass, maybe she doesn’t want to be saddled permanently with an ex-con...’ he mused.
‘That’s not the impression I get’ Peter replied reassuringly. ‘If anyone knows about your past transgressions and has learned to see past them, it’s —’
‘You’ interrupted Neal, smiling devilishly.
‘...and Sara’ Peter added. ‘She knows you through and through and she still hasn’t run for the hills. You know, she’s actually harbouring a mini ex-con and she seems to be very happy about it.’
As always, Peter’s level headed reasoning had a calming effect on his CI and Neal stared ahead, thinking of what Peter had just said. He got to his feet, newly energized and looked down at his handler, a smile appearing on his lips.
‘You know if your offer is still open, maybe I will take the day off’ he said.
Peter returned the smile. ‘Be my guest.’
TBC