Chapter Text
Disclaimer: The characters of Supernatural do not belong to me. The original characters of Tally and Lily do.
A/N:A friend of mine re quested this, and I wanted to have it done by Christmas, but working the Christmas season in retail is anything but joyful. People are rude and entitled (not everybody, but enough to make Christmas my least favorite time of year, at least in my working life), and it just makes for longer and more exhausting days than usual. Anyway, this story is an alternative ending to my story Family Don’t Start in Blood. In that story, Dean and Sam each have a stepdaughter. Dean’s stepdaughter, Tally, has recently lost her father and is having trouble dealing. After a big, blowout fight with her mother and Dean the night before a hunt, which ultimately ends in Dean telling Tally to ‘stop being a bitch’ in the original story, Tally runs away. In this story, Tally doesn’t run away and the fight continues on the road. Because I’ve been all full of angst the last few days (due partly to family stuff but mostly to my raging period hormones), I was able to do a big chunk of this story over the last day and a half or so. I tried to fit it all into one big story, but it didn’t work, so I’ll start on part two tomorrow. Sam isn’t in this chapter much, but don’t worry. He’ll be in part two, and he’ll be my favorite version of Sam Winchester.
Mad Sam Winchester. Very mad Sam Winchester.
Before I get the flaming reviews about how much I hate Dean Winchester, let me just say this (which I’ve said over and over and over and over and over and over again in many of my other stories). I do not hate Dean Winchester. I also do not hate John Winchester. But I’ll be honest-this story will make it seem like I do. There is implicit John bashing in here, and Sam will definitely bash Dean in the next chapter. Again, I don’t hate them, I just like to play with them in order to deal with my angstiness.
That’s all folks. In case I don’t finish this chapter before then, Happy new year to all.
“Happy birthday to you!”
Tally blew out her candles and felt like a real big kid now. She started kindergarten soon, and now she was a whole five years old. She hadn’t been a baby for a while now, but now she felt like a really big kid.
Her party was cool too. There was a big rainbow colored cake, a clown, and even though her daddy had said there wouldn’t be, a bouncy house. Tally figured that her grandmother had done the bouncy house, but she didn’t care. It was there, and she and all her friends were having a good time.
But there was one thing missing.
Tally wanted her mommy here. Mommy had promised to come, but she wasn’t here. It made Tally feel sad, but right now she had friends to play with. Maybe, just maybe, Mommy would come before she went to bed.
“Tally Belle, you can play for five more minutes, then I’m gonna call everyone over for….”
“Cake?” Tally asked, excited.
“You want cake first or presents?” Daddy asked. “If we do presents first, then you can play longer later.”
Tally thought it over, and decided her Daddy’s plan was the smartest. “Presents.”
Daddy laughed a little and kissed Tally’s cheek. “Go play, baby girl.”
“Daddy? You think Mommy’ll be here later?”
Suddenly, Daddy wasn’t happy anymore. He was mad. Really mad. “No, Tally. Your mother’s not coming.”
“What? Why?”
“Because she left us. Because of you.” Daddy said.
Tally felt her heart start to hurt like it did before she wanted to cry. But she was a big girl now, she needed to use her words instead of just crying. She swallowed a couple of times and asked, in what she hoped was a grown-up voice, “What did I do?”
“Mommy left because of you.” Daddy said again. “I’m ashamed of you, Tallulah.”
The tears she’d tried to stop started. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t mean to make Mommy leave.”
But Daddy only had one thing to say now. “I’m ashamed of you. Ashamed. Ashamed…”
“Tally! Wake up.”
Tally jerked awake and found herself somewhere else. It wasn’t her fifth birthday party, it was her bedroom.
“Come on. Wake up, kiddo. We have to leave in twenty.”
Dean. That’s who was in her room. Suddenly, it all came back. The fight the night before. Her mother telling her she wasn’t going to her game because she had to go with them on the hunt. Tally trying to explain that she couldn’t do it. She had to be at her game. Lily waffling, almost letting Tally stay, but doubling down. Dean telling her the same. She didn’t have a choice, she had to go, deal with it and get over it.
In other words, just like every other day, hunting was more important than whatever else might be going on.
“Tally, come on. Get up.”
“I’m up.” Tally said.
Dean sighed. He considered forcing Tally out of bed, but all that would do was stoke the fire that had been lit the night before. He opted for a different route. “Fine. Like I said, we’re leaving in twenty. If you’re not ready, you’re going like you are.”
So that was the way it was. Dean could call her names and be mean to her, but if she treated him the way he treated her, she was the bad guy.
Fine. Tally decided she’d play along. She’d do whatever Dean or her mother told her. She’d be the perfect, obedient kid. But any chance they had of her making any effort to have a relationship with them was done. If they didn’t have to apologize for not listening to her, or calling her mean names, then she didn’t have to make any effort to get closer to them.
After washing her face, brushing her teeth and hair, and throwing a couple of things into her backpack, Tally found she had five minutes to spare. She parked herself on the couch and had to fight a smile when Lily and Dean looked surprised to find her ready and waiting on them downstairs, rather than having to fight with her again.
Tally almost rolled her eyes at what her mother did next. She could see the two of them whispering at the foot of the stairs. She saw her mother point at her, say something, and glare at Dean before walking out to the car. Tally stood up and started to follow Lily outside.
“Hang on, kiddo.”
Tally bit her bottom lip and stopped the my name is Tally that she wanted to snap at Dean so badly. She sat on the arm of the couch and glared at the floor, waiting on permission to move and do as she’d been told. Hadn’t they been in a hurry just a half hour before?
“Listen. I’m sorry about last night.” Dean said. “I shouldn’t have said what I did to you. That wasn’t cool and I’m sorry.”
It wasn’t cool? Tally wanted to rage. Rage and kick and scream and cry. Make Dean feel every bit of the pain he’d caused to her by calling her what he did. Push him and kick him and just pass a tiny bit of the pain she was dealing with constantly onto him.
But she’d learned her lesson last night. How she felt and what she thought meant absolutely nothing. Her missing game or anything else she felt was important? Wasn’t. Only what her mother and Dean deemed important was actually important. While it was true that Dean apologizing was rare, Tally felt the apology fell short and she should make him show how sorry he was, just like her father would have if he’d been there.
The thought of her father’s reaction to the events of the night before brought her a brief second of comfort, but Tally buried her thoughts and kept her face neutral. Her father wasn’t there, and she had to stop wishing that he was. It wouldn’t cause her anything but heartache. Dean was waiting for her reaction to his apology.
“It’s okay.” Tally said flatly.
Dean frowned. He hadn’t expected Tally to be excited about his apology, but he’d at least expected…something. He wanted to pester her about it, but he didn’t. Every time he talked to Tally lately seemed to end in a fight, so he simply instructed her to go to the car and that he’d be there in a minute.
When Tally made her way outside, she found her mother sitting in the back passenger seat, talking on her cell phone with the door open. Tally made her way to the other side of the backseat, opened the door and climbed inside. Just as Dean took the driver’s seat and Tally settled in, Lily wrapped up her phone call.
“Thank you so much, Coach.”
Tally felt her anger go up another notch. “You were talking to my coach.”
“Yes. I was.” Lily said. “I told him that we’ve decided you need some time off from soccer and that you’ll be back in the spring.”
Don’t cry. It does no good, Tally reminded herself. The last remaining vestige of normalcy in her life was officially gone. Her father was gone, she wasn’t allowed to see her family unless it was under Lily or Dean’s supervision, and now her soccer team was being taken away all because her mother, who had been gone for weeks and months at a time for the first years of her life, had decided that she wasn’t good enough for it. Tally swallowed her anger down, trying to quell the pit that was forming in her stomach, and turned to look out the window.
“We can’t stop too much on the way there, but after we get some sleep and start back tomorrow, if there’s anywhere you want to stop, let us know.”
“No thanks.” Tally said.
Lily looked at Dean, who looked just as lost as she did. Lily nodded, and Dean started the car to head towards the hunt. As they pulled out of the driveway, Lily tried again.
“I thought I’d sit back here with you. Would you like that?”
“It’s fine.” Tally answered.
“Tally…”
“It’s fine.” Tally repeated. “It’s fine, Mom.”
Lily cringed. Tally was crushed, and Lily knew that it was on her. The soccer game that she was forcing Tally to miss and the team that she had officially taken her off of that morning was the only thing that had made Tally genuinely smile in the three months since Ken’s death. It was also the only thing that prompted Tally to actually talk to Lily. The question remained in Lily’s mind, and it had plagued her through most of the night. Was it cruel to punish Tally the way they had?
Deep down, Lily knew the answer. The spanking and the soccer team, while hard and painful for Lily, had been necessary. No matter how badly Tally was feeling, or how much she disagreed with Lily and Dean did, her attitude for the majority of the last three months had been unacceptable. They had to be tough on her. They had to take away something that she loved and make her earn it back so she could see what she’d done.
But telling Tally to shut up? That Ken would be ashamed of her? Not sticking up for her when Dean had disrespected her in a way that Lily knew, had Ken been alive, would have landed Dean in an early grave? That had crossed the line in a way that she’d be making up for for years. In a feeble attempt to start the process of healing, Lily gingerly reached over and took Tally’s hand.
“I know you’re angry. I don’t blame you. But please look at me.”
After a few tense seconds, Tally looked up, and Lily saw the tears stinging the edge of Tally’s eyes. She fought the urge to reach over and pull Tally into a crushing hug.
“I’m sorry about your game. I really, truly am.”
“Please don’t do this…”
“Tallulah, I’m talking. Stop and listen, now.” When Tally closed her mouth and let one of the tears she was fighting slip out, Lily continued. “I’m sorry. I know it feels like I am, but I’m not trying to hurt you. I know you’re disappointed. But I don’t know what else to do. I’m trying hard here, honey. I’m just asking for a chance.”
Tally wiped her face and said nothing, making the frown on Lily’s face deepen.
“Look. I know it feels like adults always think they’re right. I wasn’t. I still stand by soccer. I know you love it. I know it means a lot to you. But maybe a year’s too steep. If you start to do better, and you keep it up, you can play in the spring. Do we have a deal?”
Tally closed her eyes and took two deep breaths before responding. Her mother had been told this in the past, but apparently hadn’t been listening. “If I don’t play in the fall, I’m not allowed to play in the spring.”
“What? Since when?”
“Since always. We only practice and play home games in the fall. If we don’t practice, we don’t play. That’s the rule.”
Lily frowned. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know that. If you behave like I asked, I’ll talk to your coach.”
“No. I don’t want to be given favors.”
“Honey…”
“Please. I’m not trying to fight. But if I’m allowed to break the rule, everybody on the team’ll hate me. I know you’re trying to be nice, but just please listen to me on this. Don’t talk to him.”
“Okay. I won’t talk to him.”
“Thank you.” Tally said, relieved.
“But I want to say this too. What I said about your Daddy was way out of line. He wouldn’t be ashamed of you. He’d be nothing but proud of you. I still don’t think he’d be happy with your behavior, but you meant everything to him. You don’t have to write that letter to him. Okay?”
Another surge of anger was pushed down by Tally. She’d had trouble falling asleep the night before, so she’d already written the letter. It was in her backpack. But, in an attempt to keep the waters smooth, she nodded.
“Look. I’ll tell you what. We get to the motel in a few hours. Dean and I’ll go on the hunt, we’ll come back, take a shower and get some sleep, then tomorrow you and I’ll go off and do whatever you want. Just us. No Sam or Dean, just the two of us. What do you think?”
“Can we take Grandma out to dinner?”
Lily frowned again. “I really think we should spend some time together. We can take your grandmother out another night.”
“Please?”
Lily looked to the front seat, where Dean was pretending not to listen. Dean could tell Lily was disappointed, but again he kept silent. She had to do this on her own. Lily turned back to Tally and nodded.
“Okay. We’ll take your grandmother to dinner.”
“Thank you.” Tally said. “I mean that, Mom. Thank you.”
Lily could’ve sworn that Tally almost smiled at her. Her daughter had almost smiled because Lily had done something for her. It had been the moment she’d lived for for months now. But a split second later, that look went away and Tally’s heart sank again.
“Wait. You and Dean’ll do the hunt? What about me?”
“What about you?” Dean asked, speaking for the first time since they’d pulled onto the highway.
“Honey, you’ll stay in the room while me, Dean, and Sam do this. You didn’t think I’d let you come with us on an actual hunt, did you?”
Tally suddenly forgot her promise to herself to keep all her anger bottled up inside. Tally snatched her hand back from her mother and the rage that Lily hoped had been starting to fade came back in all its glory. “So you dragged me away from home, away from my friends, away from my family, just to stick me in a room by myself?”
“It’ll only be for a couple of hours, honey…”
“It’s never for a couple of hours. Ever. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to think that you wanted me to come with you to spend time together.”
“Honey, I do want that, but…”
“Then prove it. Don’t leave me alone in that room.”
“I have to, Tally. I’m sorry…”
“No, you’re not! You said it yourself last night. Or don’t you remember? I’m done apologizing to you? You always do this! You always leave me for a hunt and then say you’re sorry and you turn around and you do the same thing all over again! God, I’m so stupid. I actually thought you cared and wanted me around.”
“I do. How can you say that I don’t? That’s the whole reason you’re here with us!”
“Yeah. Except for when you walk out the door, again, to go save people that aren’t me, so that they can be with their families. While you keep walking out on yours. Except the big difference this time? You’re not leaving me with Daddy. You’re leaving me all alone. If you really cared, if you really, really cared…”
Brakes slamming brought the argument to a screeching halt. Five seconds later, the Impala was at a dead stop on the side of the highway and a furious Dean had turned around in his seat to face Tally.
“Stop. Talking. Now.” Dean said, quietly but with an intensity that shook both Tally and Lily. “Stop it. Your mother loves you more than anything else in the world. She has never walked out on you. You have always had a stable home, a life, friends, and family that care about you. The reason that we don’t let you see your uncle or your grandmother more? Because given the first chance they had, they’d take you away from your mother. And if I thought for a second you’d stop them, or that you’d even be the least bit upset by it, you could go. But I will not let you disrespect the woman I love again. Is that clear?”
Tally, who was now shaking against the seat from a mixture of anger and fear, was silent.
“I said IS THAT CLEAR?” Dean suddenly shouted.
A timid Tally swallowed and answered in a tiny voice, “Yes, sir.”
“I cannot believe how much of a spoiled brat you are. You are eleven years old and your mother, Sam, and I have worked as much of our lives around for you as we can. Sam and I have taken every single hunt for the last three months without your mother so that the two of you can be together. Despite that attitude that you have finally been punished for, you were allowed to play soccer. You have been allowed to see friends. You have been allowed to go see that family that you hold so close when you don’t seem to give two shits about your mother. Well, this is it, Tally. We’re done. If you speak at any point during this ride, answer any question that is not directly asked to you, then you will start coming on every single hunt we have. And I dare you to tell me I can’t do that.”
Tally, whose mouth had flown open to say exactly that, snapped shut again.
“And if you speak another word to your mother about how she abandoned you, I will pull this car over and we will have a repeat of last night. Only this time, it’ll be with my belt. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. You’re still writing that letter to your father. And I’m adding something to this. You’re writing me an essay. An essay about family, and what it really, truly means. If I don’t like it, it gets redone. Understand?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. Now, if you behave the rest of the day, you get your dinner with your grandmother tomorrow. You don’t, you and I have another discussion about respect. We will talk about it as many times as it takes for the message to get through. Do you understand me?”
“Yes,sir.”
“Okay. Lily, are you gonna stay in the backseat or get out and come up front with me?”
Lily didn’t know quite what to think. Tally had turned back to looking at the window, furiously wiping tears away from her face that she obviously didn’t want her mother to see. Defeated, she climbed over the seat and got in the front, while Tally weeped quietly in the back.
Dean could hear her crying, but being entirely fed up, he told himself that he didn’t care. Tally had done it to herself. He understood why she believed Lily had abandoned her. He really did get it. But Tally didn’t understand. She had always had a stable parent. She didn’t know what it was like to have to cook for yourself, pay your own bills, or face problems that no kid should ever have to face. That was abandonment. Though he’d long ago forgiven his father for ever putting Dean in those predicaments, it still made him furious to hear Tally complaining about how hard it was for her. As the drive progressed and Dean’s fury started to abate, he realized that, again, he’d overreacted. He decided to spend the rest of the ride figuring out what to do about it.
In the backseat, Tally was thinking too. In the course of twenty-four hours, she’d had three separate blowout confrontations. Two with Dean, one of which had ended with her being called a bitch and the other which had ended with her being called a brat, and one with Lily, where Lily had told her to shut up and how horrible of a kid she was and that Ken would be ashamed of her.
Tally’s attitude had earned her a spanking. The worst one she’d ever gotten, other than the time that she’d called her mother a bitch in front of her father and she’d ended up with a sore butt that lasted for days. Now, on a day that she’d vowed to not start anything with Lily or Dean, she was being threatened with another spanking, this time with Dean’s belt, because she was afraid to be alone.
Lily and Dean had both apologized, rather weakly Tally thought, and she was just expected to forgive them.
Tally took out the letter she’d written to her father and reread it.
Hi Daddy.
I hope you’re happy up there in heaven. I wish I could be with you.
I’ve made a mess of things down here. I know you always told me I shouldn’t be mad at Mommy for not being here. But I’ve gotten mad at her a lot lately. I know she’s trying, but I just don’t trust her to stay around. I don’t trust that she won’t leave me again and decide that hunting’s more important. I’m sorry, Daddy. I know you always told me that Mommy loves me and I should always remember that.
I do believe you that she loves me. I just don’t know if she loves me more than she loves her job.
I know that uncle Pete and aunt Gina and Grandma love me. I know that they’d take me in in a heartbeat if I asked them to. Uncle Pete even told me he’d take Mommy to court and make sure I could come live with him. He told me I could play soccer and go see Grandma whenever I want and play with Artie and just be a kid. But I told him no. I told him no because I know it’s not what you wanted and because, no matter how mad I am at her, or how much I don’t trust her, I can’t hurt Mommy that way.
I guess I did the same thing with soccer that Mommy does to me with hunting. She took it away from me, so she must know how much I love it. With you not being here and me not being able to see Grandma or uncle Pete and aunt Gina like before, it was the only thing I could really have that reminded me of you. At practice I could think about you telling me I was doing good, or how I could kick the ball even farther than I already did, and it didn’t make me feel sad like I did before. It made me feel good about myself, just like you used to do.
But I guess I should’ve tried a little harder with Mommy and Dean. I’m sorry for that, Daddy.
My attitude’s been rotten too. I tried to tell Mommy that me and uncle Pete were planning a surprise party for Grandma’s birthday this weekend. I was supposed to keep Grandma busy at my game while uncle Pete and aunt Gina set up the party. We were planning it up big-Grandma’s favorite food, a big cake, all her friends, everything. We were trying to make her happy for once. She’s been so sad since you died, Daddy. She misses you so much. But I guess I missed it all up. Maybe if I’d been nicer to Mommy and Dean, they would’ve listened to me last night and just let me stay with uncle Pete. I would have liked them to be there too, but I get that they have a job to do and I can’t always come first. I’ll try harder to be nicer to them, and maybe I won’t mess up the family anymore.
I’m sorry you’re ashamed of me, Daddy. I’ll try hard to do better. I love you and I miss you.
Love you forever,
Tally
The feelings of shame welled up inside Tally again, and eventually she fell into a fitful sleep. Her father’s voice from her dream the night before haunted her, and Tally wondered if anything would ever be alright again.
The sun had just begun to go down when Dean pulled into the motel parking lot to meet Sam. He could tell right away that something was wrong. Badly wrong. Sam approached the car with a bitch face that Dean had never seen before, and he slammed the steering wheel hard when Sam delivered the news. His hand slamming the steering wheel woke a startled Tally in the backseat.
The hunt was a hoax.
Sam had been so angry he hadn’t noticed Tally in the back, or how quiet and subdued Lily was in the front seat. When he saw Tally jump, he asked curiously,
“What are you doing here?”
Trying to follow Dean’s earlier directive of not saying anything unless asked, Tally answered in as neutral a way as possible, “Mom and Dean told me I had to come.”
“What? Why? Didn’t you have a soccer game this weekend?” Sam turned to Lily and asked, “Why not just let her stay with her grandmother?”
It was then that Sam noticed Dean’s own face, which was scowling at him. Sam, used to this treatment from Dean, immediately put the pieces together.
“What happened?” When no one spoke, Sam looked to Tally. “Tally?”
“I can’t answer that.” Tally said. She could, but was honestly afraid she couldn’t answer it in the respectful way that Dean wanted, so she deferred to him by pointing to him again.
“That’s it.” Sam pulled two sets of motel room keys out of his pocket and handed one to Dean. “Dean, Lily, your room is 4C. I’m in 4D with Bobby. You two go up to the room now. Tally, stay down here.”
“Sam…”
“Dean, I am so not in the damn mood right now. Something happened after I left for this hunt, and I am not in the mood to get the watered down version from you. Something good is going to happen this weekend, and whether you like it or not, it’s going to be done my way. We are settling all this shit now. Now get out of the damn car and give me the keys before I drag your ass out and kick it from here to hell and back again.”
A stunned Dean complied, walking with Lily towards their room. Sam drove off a minute later with Tally, and Dean felt his stomach drop at the thought of Sam’s reaction to the previous night’s events. The two of them had taken a shower and were anxiously awaiting Sam and Tally’s return.
Though they didn’t have long to wait, only fifty-seven minutes according to Dean’s calculations, it sure felt like a lot longer. And when Sam opened the door, Tally trailing behind him with a huge ice cream sundae in her hand looking much more relaxed than an hour before, he became even more anxious. Sam shared a brief hug with Tally and told her to sit on the small couch provided in the room.
“Finish your ice cream, kiddo. I got this. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Sam whispered something into Tally’s ear, who nodded and seemed to brace herself. For what? Dean wondered, though he had his answer a second later. Sam slammed the door with such force that the pictures on the wall shook in their frames, and gone was the sweet friend who’d been trying to make Tally feel better. In his place was a Sam who made every inch of six foot four stature known as he crossed his arms against his chest.
“What in the hell is the matter with the two of you?”