Chapter Text
“Get off him you pointy little ne'er-do-well! Come on, scat!”
The small spiny monster with a bulbous head and scaly ape-like body hissed and swiped at the spear prodding at it, but once its paw connected with the electrified tip, it received a powerful electric shock that sent it running. Melvin Beijerinck watched it vanish in the far away darkness of the sewer tunnel and lowered his stun spear.
“You alright there Jeff, buddy?” he asked his downed colleague as he knelt beside him.
The other sewage worker lifted his head and through the goggles on his mask Melvin could see the purple darkness begin to slowly cloud his eyes. “Damn Mel, thanks. The little scumbag done got scratched me.”
“Curses! How bad is it?”
”I''ll be fine... if you can haul my ass... outta here...” the worker replied before his eyes turned completely dark. Melvin sighed and picked his colleague up, slinging him over his shoulder.
“Well everyone, looks like our shift today is over prematurely. We have to get Jeff out of here. Is anyone else hurt?” He said as he turned towards his other two co-workers who were fighting off another one of those spiky things just moments before. They both shook their heads, and so Melvin nodded and started heading towards the manhole they entered the sewer through. The other two workers suck close to him, their magitech shock spears on the ready.
******
“Wow Milly. Your collection of romantic literature and movies is... erm... impressive!“ Wilhelmina commented as she stood in front of the loaded bookshelf in Milly's room. Wilhelmina was a tall and broad-shouldered girl for her age, yet she appeared small and insignificant compared to the mass of books and video tapes so heavy that the shelves were bending under them.
Her other friend, Augusta, reached towards them and pulled out a book. “The Chocolate Cake Affair...“ she read on the cover. “Milly, is this a romance novel or a cookbook?“
“Yes.“
“...forget I asked.“ Augusta rolled her eyes and returned the book to its place.
Wilhelmina Beijerinck, Augusta Garrett and Milly Geiger were childhood friends, daughters of sanitation workers who all grew up together in the same cul-de-sac in southeastern part of the City's downtown. They were truly a strange bunch – an awkward shy nerd, a silent hardy loner type, and a high-voltage pathetically romantic gremlin all got together one sunny day and remained good friends ever since. Well, it was mostly thanks to Milly. She first began pestering Augusta who normally wouldn't tolerate being bothered like that, but the bubbly girl's kitten-like antics grew onto her and she decided to keep her around. Milly then dragged Wilhelmina along, thinking her staying away from the other kids was due to her being shunned by them (when in fact it was voluntary on her part) and immediately nicknamed her Beiji once she learned her name. Wilhelmin didn't approve of all of this at first, but she too discovered a special fondness for the cute little pudgy pest. And she later appreciated Augusta keeping the bullies away from her.
“Okay so... ummm, we're here for a sleepover right? What are we going to do?“ Wilhelmina asked a bit nervously, and looked around the room. Besides the extensive collection of goofy romantic movies, Milly's room contained a large vanity table with a lighted mirror, a bed that seemed almost queen size, a big Hi-Fi tower system with a turntable and loads of records, a writing table and a cage with chinchillas. The walls were covered in various romantic posters.
Milly giggled and reached upwards to put her left hand on Wilhelmina's shoulder, also putting her right hand on Augusta's shoulder “Oh Beiji, you're so silly. We're going to watch a movie of course! I always wanted to watch a movie with my bestest of besties!” she declared and playfully shook her friends.
“I hope you don't plan on watching romance with us.” Augusta replied with caution and stared at the nice TV set in Milly's room, then at her romance movie tape collection. “I hate those.”
“You can calm down Augi! Because...” Milly hollered and jumped forward to grab something from a cabinet beneath the TV, presenting it dramatically. It was a VHS tape of the movie Morty Anaconda: The Life Of Brianna.“...we're watching a comedy tonight! One of my most favorite movies of all time, yes! (And not just because my dad is in it)”
“That's a relief. What's it about?”
“Well, this girl named Brianna becomes a magical girl and shenanigans ensue and somehow people assume she's the Second Coming Of Founder and...”
She was interrupted by the door slamming downstairs. The Geigers lived in a two-story attic apartment, and her room was located om the second floor. Both her parents worked for the City Sanitation – her mother as an engineer at one of the the water purifiers, and her dad - a former member of the comedy group Morty Anaconda who had to switch jobs after their fame had faded and they broke up – was on the sewer maintenance crews. It was him who had just come back home from work. Milly shushed her friends and crept over to the door, cracking it slightly ajar to listen for any news.
“Welcome home at last dear! How were the pipes treating you today, hmm?” Mrs. Geiger welcomed him. “Little pumpkin Milly has friends over for tonight, so I ordered in some pizza for dinner.”
“Aaah Marie! Pizza for dinner sounds wonderful, just what I need after a day like this one.” Mr. Geiger replied with his talkshow host-like voice and slumped into a chair. Mel, Jeff, Marge and I were beset upon by some really nasty little monsters, and they were pretty darn relentless. We fought them off, but one of them got poor old Jeff and Mel had to carry him out of there like a sack of taters. Luckily it was just a light contact wound, he'll be fine. What's way worse is that the magitech girl who got us those fancy shock spears turned eighteen today, and so now we're just counting days until her powers go poof, together with our entire arsenal of our only hope against those varmints down there.”
“Oh my, I sure hope Jeff gets well soon! But... what will happen once you don't have the shock spears? How will you be able to work down there then?”
“Well, we are now negotiating with the brass to let us have a magical girl with us there at least temporarily, until a new magitech user shows up who can give us something else. There's a duo, some older team, who essentially volunteered to join us down there, and the CDD is fully on board, but those two are also like, eighteen years old or so, and won't be active for very long, so even if the foundationalists let them work with us, it will be a temporary solution again...
Milly closed the door to her room back up and sighed. “It's dad. The workers are having trouble with monsters again. Why won't they just let magical girls protect them while they're doing their job, Augi? I mean, what the sanitation workers do is really important.”
“Misplaced priorities due to mixing religion into politics.” Augusta replied bluntly. “It's vile. Let's not talk about it further, lest I get pissed.”
“Well... then you will definitely enjoy Life of Brianna, because it satirizes those exact things. In fact, some hardcore foundationalists even tried to get it banned...”
“Hell yeah, plop that sucka in then!”
******
When she awoke, the sky was dark and it was raining. It was actually the raindrops gently caressing her face that awakened her. Slowly she sat up and wiped the water off her face... wait what was she doing outside? Why was she sleeping on the ground all of a sudden?
Opening her eyes, she gasped loudly. All she could see was a barren wasteland, grey dead soil devoid of all life, littered with yellow barrels labeled with some strange symbol in a triangle that she had no idea what it meant. Some of the barrels were leaking a glowing green fluid, and the same fluid was in large puddles and even streams everywhere. But she was not alone there. People in bright yellow raincoats with grey gas masks covering their faces were milling all around, carrying glass tanks with the same glowing liquid on their backs, and pointing strange small devices that made clinking noises at the barrels. They reminded her of the rubber suits that her dad once showed her, that the sanitation crews would wear in the case they needed to do some really dirty work down in the sewer.
Not seeing any other option, she approached one of them. “Um... hi? Where am I? What's going on?”
Instead of an answer, the person in the raincoat just breathed deeply and pointed the clicking device at her, scanning her head-to-toe with it.
“What are you doing?” She asked, but silence was the only answer she got. The machine didn't make a single click, and the mysterious person seemed satisfied, since they nodded and walked away. This made her even more confused and she turned around to head in the opposite direction, only to walk right into a stack of barrels that she swore wasn't there before.
Quickly she stepped back, but the barrel on the top of the stack tipped over and spilled its contents all over her. Closing her eyes and raising up her hands, she expected to it to burn her or something, but that did not happen. Instead, she found it somewhat harder to breathe as if she buried her face in a pillow, and she smelled... rubber.
Opening her eyes, she found herself staring through the visor of a gas mask at her hands, which were now covered in yellow sleeves and gray rubber gloves. She was wearing the exact same getup as the strange people who were walking around, and who were all now staring at her. Startled, she jumped up, but then she noticed they seemed to be... waving at her to follow them?
And so she did, and quickly they vanished one by one, and the barren wasteland faded away into pure light, and then... well she couldn't remember anything after then. Except that there was a cute girl involved. She never ever forgot a cute girl.
******
The sound of an explosion that shook her bed and made dirt drop at her from the ceiling. She shot up, and for a moment she was confused. What was that? Did the barrier get breached? And where did... that dirt come from? Taking a look around, she realized she was no longer in her friend's room, but in some sort underground structure. The floor was bare ground, and the walls and ceiling were made of lumber. There were wooden beds, tables, chairs and boxes, some of them tipped over, and various types of equipment she did not recognize were strewn about. All in all, the place seemed desolate.
Finding the exit, she went through it and found herself in the middle of a trench system in a war torn countryside shrouded in mist, and what more booming sounds could be heard in the distance. Never before she knew anything else than the City, so she felt curious and started walking down the trench, hoping to find a way out of it in order to explore this strange land. But a few moments after she set out, she heard a strange whistling and instinct told her to hit the ground. And her instinct was right.
The dugout she came out of was destroyed in a large explosion. Dirt and pieces of wood rained all around her but luckily none of them hit her, so once the dust settled she quickly got up and rushed down the trenches, away from the point of impact. “Hot damn!” she thought, and did not bother to turn around and look at the smoldering remains, for she feared that whatever caused that could repeat itself. And she was not wrong. More of that whistling sound followed by multiple explosions in the general area. This time she took off in a sprint, trying to put as much of a distance between herself and whatever was that thing causing all those detonations. She rounded a few turns and found herself in front of an entrance to another underground structure, this one dug in much deeper than the previous one, and so she entered it. Something told her that this one could withstand one of those explosions...
Inside it was very much like the one she woke up in, except the walls were reinforced with sandbags, just like some people did in their homes hoping it would help hold off a monster in case of barrier breach (despite there being zero evidence that it worked.) The whistling sound came from outside, following by a deep rumbling explosion, and dirt once again fell from between the gaps in the planks on the ceiling... but the bunker held strong. And there was even something that caught her eye among the items inside.
On a table, there was an olive gas mask. Similar to the ones that sewage workers would sometimes wear. Something compelled her to put it on, and so she did just that. And it turned out to be the right decision, as several metal canisters dropped in through the exit and started spewing thick gas that seemed to be of olive color. Soon the entire structure was filled with it and she just stood there, waiting. What could she do after all? She couldn't even see the exit in this mess, and if she found it, then whoever threw those things in was likely waiting out for her. No, she decided to wait it out.
After a short while the gas cloud dissipated, but instead of the dugout, she found herself in empty, golden-white glowing void. There was bright light everywhere, and so she put her hand in front of her face to shield her eyes... and noticed she was wearing an olive chemsuit and gloves. Looking down, she found a dark olive vest carrying four of the same canisters as the ones that fell into her hideout, and when she reached towards her head to scratch it, her fingers were stopped by a metal helmet. Suddenly she felt a presence behind her and turned around... and that was all she remembered.
******
“Why is it so cold?” she murmured and slowly sat up, searching besides her for her glasses that she put on a night table before she went to sleep. But she couldn't find them... or the table. Opening her eyes, she realized she can see without them... and she did not like what she saw.
She found herself in what appeared to be a laboratory, but it seemed derelict, abandoned for quite a while. All the lab equipment seemed to be completely destroyed: Bunsen burners, stands, racks and other hardware was tossed about, bent and mangled, while all the glassware – beakers, test tubes and so on were all but completely shattered.
Most of the lab tables were overturned, and there was a whiteboard that was miraculously still standing, undamaged, but it was covered in nothing but hastily scribbled gibberish. Some of the neon tubes that lit the place still worked, though most of them blinked and buzzed. The tiled walls and floors were pretty much in a bad shape too. Cracked, grimy, dirty and moldy. Like the ones she found herself lying on.
“Ewww!” she shouted, jolting up. “Gross! I think I got some of that grime on my pajamas... wait why am I not wearing scrubs? And how did I get here anyways?”
From the doorway, which had both wings on it's door smashed and half-hanging on the hinges wide open inwards, came a low growl and shuffling in response. She froze. Was... whatever was making those noises... the thing that thrashed this laboratory? Was it a monster? A failed experiment? And then it came in through the doorway, and she found herself facing...
An amoeba. The size of a St. Bernard's dog. With what appeared to be two beady eyes and a mouth full of sharp shark-like teeth. The monstrous microbe waddled into the room and stared at her menacingly for a second, but the its face (?) seemed to brighten up and it approached her, and it seemed to be... panting? Almost like a dog!
As the gelatinous green microbe stared at her expectingly, she felt relaxed all of a sudden. Something in her mind told her that this bizarre single-cell organism was friend, not foe. “Hey buddy...” she started, outstretching her hand towards it. In response, the amoeba stuck out its long pink tongue and licked her hand... and the strangest thing ever happened. On her drool-covered hand, a gray rubber glove started forming, then an orange sleeve, then the rubbery material spread all across her body and formed a bright orange positive pressure personnel suit.
For a moment she stood there dumbfounded, but then she smiled and patted the gelatinous head of her new microbial friend. “Well you're a strange one indeed! I think I'm going to call you... Moe! Now, let's find a way out of here, shall we?” She then looked up and realized that the laboratory looked like new again. The equipment was no longer in pieces, instead it was neatly arranged on the tables that were no longer overturned and scattered, all the lights were working and the tiling was clean and undamaged. So clean in fact, that the neon lights reflected off it almost blindingly. Wait, that was not it... the laboratory was indeed filling with bright white light, so bright that the rooms seemed to disappear in it... and that was the last thing she could ever recall from that dream.
And then...
******
“Founder dammit Milly, you're drooling on me!” Augusta growled from half-sleep and slapped Milly, whose head was hanging off of the bed, right over Augusta's head.
“Yowch! Augiii, that was sooo meeean...” Milly whined, rubbing her slapped cheek. She sat up and looked down on her friend sleeping on the inflatable mattress at the feet of her bed and noticed something was very different. ”Eeeee!!! Augi your hair! It's... green!”
“Yeah you're the one to talk, yours is now yellow.” Augusta grumpily replied, her not-yet-fully-awake brain not processing what it meant. “Wait hold up... does this mean that both of us just had the dream? The same night?”
“Nrrrgh! Goodness gracious, why are you both making so much noise this early in the morning?” Came Wilhelmina's voice from the corner where she had been sleeping, prompting both Milly and Augusta to look at her, and their eyes widened at what they both saw.
“Beiji... you... you too!”
“Hmm? What are you talking about Milly?” Wilhelmina replied as she stood up, and put her glasses on. Then she looked at her friends and gasped. “Oh my... This is most unusual! I don't think I ever heard of two girls in the same room having The Dream the same night...” She started and then looked at her now bright orange hair in Milly's vanity mirror. She also noticed her mark was on her neck and it felt really embarrassing.“...let alone THREE girls in the same room having The Dream the same night. I wonder if this means we're thematic?”
“I'd be extremely disappointed if we weren't! Say... there's only one way to find out!” Milly jumped up and did a superhero pose. “Are you with me, ladies?”
Augusta simply nodded and Wilhelmina wanted to raise concerns over the possible noise from their transformations waking up Milly's parents, but she was interrupting by Milly starting hers already.
A yellow barrel with a radiation warning symbol materialized around her, full of glowing green sludge. She jumped out of it wearing yellow and gray radiation suit, with a gray gas mask covering her face, and a glass container full of the same green goo was on her back which connected through a hose to a sprayer that was just now finishing forming in her hands.
“Awww” she pouted (even though it couldn't be seen beneath the mask) “So just like in the dream? No cute dress? How am I going to pick up girls looking like... this?”
“I wouldn't worry about that Milly, you can make anything look cute.” Wilhelmina said, outstretching her arms. A swarm of potato-sized bacteria and viruses appeared all around her and got to work, constructing her magical girl outfit out of thin air. When they were done, they simply vanished, and Wilhelmina now stood there in a bright orange pressurized suit, like those you could see in sci-fi shows and documentaries. “Oh my... well, see? Mine is also weird!”
“Yes but such doofiness actually suits 'you' well! Sigh... But in any case we sure do look thematic! ...Augi?”
Augusta nodded and lifted her right arm above her head. A small metal canister appeared in her hand and she pulled a small pin out of it with her thumb, making it release a thins stream of olive gas that quickly snaked down her arm and obscured her completely. Once it dissipated, she stood there in an olive-colored rubber smock, olive drab vest, gloves boots and gas mask, and a combat helmet on her head. “Yes, we are thematic... Milly, what is your problem?”
“H-hair...” Milly pointed at Augusta's head. Her large, perfectly spherical funk afro had vanished under her costume's helmet, which seemed way too small to contain it.
“Okay look, it's magic! Don't bother trying to make me explain it!”
“What's going on in here? Girls, are you all... well golly gee whiz!” Milly's dad entered the room to check on them and got immediately flabbergasted by what he saw. “Girls... you...”
“Looks like you won't be needing that new magitech girl, eh pops?” Milly replied and gave him a big, rubber-scented hug.
******
Later that day, at the registration office
Milly, Augusta and Wilhelmina, together with their parents and the boss of the City sanitation department met with two committees, one made up of Church of Founder representatives, and the other made of registration officers and C.D.D. Agents, in a large meeting room. Augusta had just finished explaining their wish to protect sewage workers down in the sewers, explaining that the Founder had equipped them specifically for that, but the foundationalists seemed unconvinced.
“So, you claim it is your Founder-given destiny to delve into the murky depths? Well then, show us your transformations, and we shall consider... whether we're allowing it.”
The three girls glanced at each other and nodded. Slowly they all stood up from their chairs and walked toward an empty space before the Church representatives' table. They all transformed at once, and before the (magic) dust settled, Milly took the initative.
"Gaze upon our visage!” she proudly exclaimed, making the best heroic pose she could muster. "Surely you can see for yourself it is the will of Founder that we protect the good hard working men and women who maintain our sewage systems! Because, for what other reason would the mighty Founder bless us with such equipment? For if we were meant to stay away from grime and sludge, our costumes would be the beautiful elegant dresses like the other holy warriors! But alas no, Founder calls to enter the depths, and prepared us for it! And it is a call that we shall answer! For who we are to reject the sacred will of Founder?”
Augusta was suddenly very glad that her face was covered with the gas mask, because her expression would've surely betrayed her. Milly's speech not only seemed absolutely ridiculous, but it also seemed to be working, which entertained Augusta even more.
But indeed, the theatrical display seemed to truly impress the representatives from Church of Founder, who had a short skull session together, and then the delegation leader stood up. “Indeed, your words ring true, Blessed Child. It is not in our right to question the Will Of Founder. We have unanimously decided to grant your request. Be proud, for you have started a new chapter in the City's history! We will leave you now to proceed with the registration formalities.”
He glanced at the C.D.D. And M.G.S.I. people sitting at the next table, and one of them stood up as well. “Thank you. Well girls, as you probably realize, you won't be patrolling during the usual hours and instead following the work schedule of sanitation crews that starts at 7:00AM and ends at 15:30PM. Due to this limitation you won't be able to attend regular daily classes at either your current school, Future's Promise or Founder's Blessing. Instead we will arrange for you to have special afternoon to evening classes at Future's Promise.”
“Yes, unfortunately due to our daily schedule we are unable to offer you such an option at our beloved Founder's Blessing. I'm sure you're disappointed that you cannot study with us, but alas.” one of the representatives commented as they were packing up, and Augusta nearly lost it.
“Ha! As if, you freaking religious fruitcakes.” she thought to herself.
“Now, for registration purposes, you will still have to enter a team name, and pick titles for yourselves.” the agent continued, and produced some paperwork for them to fill out. “Have you thought about those yet?”
“Actually, yes!” Milly replied, and Wilhelmina and Augusta nodded in unison.
The three girls have already been brainstorming on what name to pick for their team and themselves before. It was Wilhelmina who came up with the name Team Hazmat, based on the fact that that was what their costumes essentially were - hazardous materials suits, with each of them having their own specialization reflecting their powers. Wilhelmina found the information about them in dusty old encyclopedias. Wilhelmina's suit was a positive pressure suit meant for environmental protection against pathogens, so she decided on the title Virus Hazmat. Augusta's suit was was a military field protection suit of the old world armies, designed for protection against chemical weapons and biological agents, that usually took the form of gases and aerosols, thus her title became Gas Hazmat. Milly's suit was a radiation protection suit, and used to be worn by personnel working with radioactive materials, namely waste. And so, Milly picked Waste Hazmat as her title.
“Very well then.” The agent beckoned them and tapped on the papers she prepared. “Please fill those in here...”
And so, on that day, Team Hazmat was officially born.
******
As they walked out of the C.D.D. headquarters, Augusta couldn't contain herself anymore and burst into loud laughter. “For real Milly, you're a natural. Excellent job convincing those old codgers.”
“Thanks Augi! But I'm... kinda nervous about the whole thing though. And also sad that we won't be going to regular classes at Future's Promise.”
“Why?”
“Because I'll be missing out on so much time spent with the cute magical girls there! So many dating opportunities will be just out of reach! And what is even worse, they probably wouldn't ever date a smelly sewer mahou dressed head-to-toe in rubber.”
Augusta frowned and smacked her on the back of the head. “Get a grip on, soldier. We have a special mission. Don't doubt its purpose over some fleeting romantic flings. After all, our parents and their coworkers need us!”
“Ow! Auuugiii...!” Milly rubbed her smacked head and then sighed. “...yes, you're right. I'm sorry.”
“Now Milly, don't consider it to be such a tragedy!” Wilhelmina chimed in. “Imagine it, umm... like this. All those popular pretty dress magical girls are playing the mahou dating game on easy difficulty. But you, due to your, umm... circumstances, you get to play it on expert difficulty!”
“Expert diffi...? Hmm... Yes! You're right Beiji! Challenge accepted! Now let's go to Mama Maho's diner to celebrate! I've always wanted to go there, but couldn't... until now!”