Chapter Text
Alastair dug his fingernails into his palm. It wasn’t enough. Would it ever be?
He was so angry and sad and just wanted to vomit himself so he could free himself from the poison.
He remembered the time when he was young, naive and stupid. Before his father’s alcohol addiction, before the Academy, before Cortana. He remembered his Mother telling him stories from her childhood, about brave people and a sun that brings light inside of them. He had the silly hope that one day he was gonna do something brave, something to be remembered for. He imagined that there is a whole world waiting for him, that would make him feel alive and proud of himself, a world the fairytales were promising him.
That world doesn’t actually exist. Charles showed him this, Father showed him this. Even Thomas did but how could he blame him? It was all Alastair’s fault.
He hated himself a little for being enough stupid to believe, to believe that there is something waiting for him. Or someone.
A sharp pain went through him. Everything around him was quiet. Birds were singing. He could feel the sun on his face. The chatting of the few mundanes who was near.
Alastair was feeling like he couldn’t breathe.
In the last week’s he was worried for the returning of Elias. He didn’t want him here. He didn’t want Cordelia to see their father for what he truly was.
Today Sona told him their father was coming home tomorrow. Like the tension in his body exploded when he heard it.
Even now, when he went out, in a place where no one would be able to see him, he barely could breath. He was feeling like drowning. He propped up to one tree because he couldn’t keep to stood on his own legs.
Alastair shut his eyes and desperately tried to believe he could endure this.
As he opened them, he looked at the people at the park, mundanes who couldn’t see him. If he died here, would anyone find him? Would anyone notice his death?
Alastair looked at the blue sky above him and wished he could disappear into the sun.