Work Text:
Jungkook recognized it had been getting worse. They were on the final days of their world tour. They had just finished Europe, the last continent on the trek, and had 3 final shows left in Korea as a ‘returning home’ performance. Everyone was riding a high to the final shows; people were exhausted, some sick, some tired, some injured, everyone trying their best to not let their downs show.
The tour began in May and was concluding in a few days at the end of November, in Seoul, comprising of 58 stadium concerts worldwide. It was a feat for any artist. And luckily Jungkook loved performing, the thrill that came from being on stage; there wasn’t anything like it. And Jimin, his boyfriend of 3 years, was one of the few who truly understood his passion for performing. That intensity and instant gratification that came from being on stage. It was a short lasting high like nothing else.
His passion and love didn’t make it any easier. It was all still very difficult, his body was completely wrung out. Jungkook was excited for a full day or two off before final preparations began for their highly anticipated MMA and MAMA performances in December- the group had already begun practicing their choreography, everything planned out and stage designs finalized by their company months ago.
Bts was thriving at the height of their ever growing career, and Jungkook… Jungkook saw it getting worse.
With the fans, with the tours, with their names displayed on every screen, with the loss of freedom and cameras always in their face, with the need to hide their relationship or be banned from many countries they had just performed in… Jimin was losing weight. It was anticipated for every member for any concert, but Jimin- he always went too far. Jungkook knew he had problems in the past, couldn’t help but remember how slim he had been during the Wings era, at certain points of the Love Yourself Worldwide tour, or even during the Dynamite mv shoot.
“I just want to maintain," he always said when he saw Jungkook's smile drop. But Jungkook saw. With a stable fanbase there was somehow even more added pressure, something even the most experienced artist has trouble dealing with.
And Jimin tended to reverse the questions, tended to put the spotlight on someone else, put all his energy and focus into everyone else's needs. Sometimes when his mind’s thoughts became too much and helping others wasn’t enough and the loneliness of the quiet nights after raging concerts and bottles of soju left him bare, Jimin tended to shut down, close himself off. When stressed, he’d began to stop eating.
When stressed, he stopped looking at himself in the mirror due to the anger he felt from what he saw. 'I'll try harder to be better next time', he always said.
Jungkook figured it was a side effect from how he used to go days without eating prior to their Wings debut. Jimin tried now, he really did, but it just seemed like he wasn’t hungry, his mind nowhere near food. He easily felt nauseous if Jungkook tried to force it on certain days.
Side effects of recovery, Jungkook would remind himself. That’s what every website on the internet told him during his late night searches.
The thing is, as much as they were a couple, they were also individuals. So as much as Jungkook wanted to be there for his boyfriend, be that needed emotional support, Jungkook was also having stresses. His body was at its wits end so close to the final days of this tour. He’d once again injured himself many a time and was literally healing. Most fans couldn’t even tell his knee was injured or that he tore his hamstring anymore. But Jungkook was still dealing with the immense daily pain that left him unable to perform at the best of his ability. And it was aggravating.
Jungkook just wanted to perform. No, he needed to perform but his body was begging for rest and with that his irritation steadily grew.
So yes, everyone was tired, in pain, and Jimin was getting worse, and Jungkook tried his hardest to help, but he also knew he could only do so much. Unless the other came to him in an effort of help, Jungkook really couldn’t do much.
You can never force someone to ask for help and Jungkook realized he had to look after himself as well.
They were close to the end with the final performances of the night. Only 2 full songs left, the thank-you’s and the encore.
The crowd was roaring; Jungkook almost made the connection to LA- the crowd was different there, and tonight Seoul was just as chaotic and lovingly intense. Roaring and screaming and the crowd was doing a wave around the stadium.
Jungkook bit his lip as he hid his smile. He was walking down the catwalk, his hyungs behind him singing their portions of the song. He ran a hand threw his sweaty hair, catching on the hairband that kept it partially up in his well-loved man-bun, something ARMY seemed to die over. One side was shaven down, and Jungkook knew it made people swoon, as embarrassing as the thought was…. But it also made Jimin swoon. The older man loved raking his nails over the sheered portion while they kissed. It made Jungkook weak in the knees and sent shivers down his spine and Jimin was always left a moaning mess in his arms as he begged for more- this was not the time to be thinking that.
Jungkook stood at the end of the stage now, smiling widely. He couldn’t keep his happiness down. He caught a look of himself on the screen- tall, wide, more muscle than had been there a year ago. It was a showcase of his hardwork and dedication. No longer a child standing before hundreds but a man standing before millions.
White pants embraced his thicker thighs and his white jacket hid the black sheer top underneath, stuck to his chest because of the sweat.
Namjoon and Jin were on his tail, Jin waving at fans while Namjoon started up his verse.
Yoongi, Hoseok, and V were all further down the catwalk, taking their time while they danced around.
And then Jungkook stopped smiling.
He didn’t see anything. It was more of an instinct that something was off.
Something was wrong.
He didn’t see Jimin.
Jimin who usually stood in front with him at this moment during this verse. This was their time, they loved staring out at the crowd and waving at fans together, or dancing around and twirling each other under their arms like idiots who had no care in the world.
But Jimin wasn’t here and Jungkook knew.
He made to turn around, Jin offering an odd look with an eyebrow raise before Jungkook’s eyes caught sight of what he was looking for.
Jimin was walking slowly. His skin looked pale and clammy. He hid whatever was happening well. His body was swaying, yes, but it was a small enough movement and close enough to the end of the exhausting night that anyone in the crowd would simply think he was just overtired. That he had simply overworked himself for the betterment of the team and performance once again.
But Jungkook knew.
Jimin had felt weaker that day. He woke up mumbling minor complaints of a headache as Jungkook had to extract his koala of a boyfriend from his arms to please his own morning coffee addiction. Jet lag was a bitch after all.
The headache grew to dizziness.
And Jimin told no one and Jungkook threatened to tell management if it didn’t get better by the time their driver came to pick them up.
Jimin promised he’d sit out if the dizziness didn’t fade. Jungkook made sure that Jimin took it easy, rested his voice and napped whenever possible.
Jimin claimed everything had passed by the time they were getting ready for their performance. He promised that he was feeling better, the one contingent Jungkook set to allow his boyfriend on the stage for the evening.
Jungkook felt his stomach drop. Dashing forward, his mic fell from his hand as he tore back down the runway.
He didn’t even realize he shoved Taehyung aside or that Hoseok grabbed Yoongi to get the older man out of Jungkook’s way. He had a chronic shoulder injury he had to always be careful of.
And Jungkook didn’t even notice that his hyungs were there. Or that he passed them.
His mind was of one singular thought: Jimin.
Jungkook reached Jimin, throwing out his arms just as the others eyes shut and he fell forward, directly into Jungkook’s chest.
“Koo-kie...?” the other slurred his words. His head swayed and Jungkook tightened his hold around the too slim waist. “Lights...s-sound,” Jimin breathed harshly against Jungkook’s shirt. “Blurry .”
“Jimin-”
Jimin’s legs gave out and Jungkook managed to wrap his arms around the other’s knees just in time, lifting him up entirely into his arms. He shifted the other a bit, Jimin’s head lolling backwards over his shoulder as he fell unconscious.
Jimin just passed out. In front of millions. In front of thousands of people live, and even more who were broadcasting this event online.
And given that barely 10 seconds had passed since Jungkook had started running down the catwalk, Jungkook could only hope that everyone hadn’t been able to catch the entirety of what just occurred in the blur of emotions and panic.
Jungkook’s heart clenched and sweat dropped from his brow.
He didn’t allow himself time to think before he moved quickly off stage, taking Jimin away from prying eyes that laid everywhere.
He could hear Namjoon calming the crowd from his in-ear, and Taehyung was singing Jungkook’s verse in his absence.
Jungkook was thankful for how quickly his hyungs could adapt to change, how well they knew each other and when to help or back off. Years of experience and hardships had taught them this level of professionalism. Jungkook knew he could always fall back on the members when needed.
Jungkook was off on the sides of the concert and he ran down the stairs, Jimin light and bouncing in his arms. Medical staff were anxiously waiting, hands up and trying to pry Jimin out of Jungkook’s arms.
Jungkook wasn’t having it.
“Show me where he needs to be placed,” he panted, absolutely no room left for debate in his tone.
He could hear the lead medic ‘tsk’ and saw the wave of a hand for him to follow.
A few cameras were surrounding them; this was going to be another docuseries after all. Something Jungkook tended to enjoy until moment’s like these came along.
The group made it to a small area around the corner. There was a mat laid out on the concrete ground and the medic had a respiratory mask ready.
Jungkook sat himself down and shifted Jimin around. Jimin’s back was laid against Jungkook’s chest and Jungkook didn’t let his arms go from around the other’s waist. The medic rolled his eyes due to Jungkook making his job much more difficult, but he complied and moved Jimin a little so he was laying straight against Jungkook, head tilted slightly back so he rested against Jungkook’s shoulder and neck.
'Airflow', the medic explained as he pressed the mask against Jimin's parted lips.
The team debated taking off Jimin’s sweater but quickly came to the conclusion that Jimin fainting had nothing to do with possible heat stroke. If anything, Jimin was probably too cold given how frosty and numb his fingers were... and that the group was performing outside in November.
It was then that his hyung’s eyes began to blink open with difficulty.
“Mmmnah?’ he groaned, body trying to shift around as he kept his head perched on Jungkook’s shoulder. He tried moving around, pushing himself forward but Jungkook held strong.
“What’s-”
“Shh, Jimin, just breathe.”
Jungkook reached for and held the respiratory mask firmly against Jimin’s slightly parted mouth while the medic checked Jimin’s vitals. Jimin blinked, eyes coming to. He gasped into the mask, taking his first real, deep breath since he fainted. Jungkook let out a sigh of relief.
“That’s it. You’re doing well, Jimin-ah.” He soothed.
The medic continued his work while Jimin peered around, noting the space. He blearily noticed the fact that they were sitting on a mat on the concrete floor backstage. Their crew were trying not to stare from where they stood around them, some dapping at their sweat and makeup and held mini-electric fans against their faces.
“I…” Jimin shivered. “What happened?” His voice was so hoarse and small. He sounded like he was ill.
“You fainted.” The medic spoke before Jungkook could explain.
“How long was I out?”
Jungkook removed the respiratory mask, the medic now lifting a bottle of water to Jimin’s face, instructing him to drink it all.
Jimin sneered his lip a little, his stomach twisting at the thought of so much liquid but he did as told, wisely. It was slow, painfully long sips but he was making his way through.
He tried to take the bottle himself at one point, but found his hands were too shaky to hold onto the bottle correctly. Jungkook had to force down his own nerves at his boyfriend’s pale and shaky fingers. He looked ready to pass out again at any moment.
“To answer your previous question,” the medic began after the water was over halfway finished, “a full minute, maybe 2. Jungkook caught you and brought you backstage before anything bad could happen.”
Jimin shifted again, this time more aggressively against Jungkook’s restraints as he tried to sit up with no luck. Several attempts were made to no avail. And Jimin didn’t like that. He didn’t like being held down. He didn’t like being told to not do something.
Jimin didn't like being told no.
He moved forward again, kicking his legs out more aggressively. “We have to go back out.” He argued, throwing his chest forward and away from Jungkook.
Jungkook latched on harder, forcing Jimin back. The smaller man’s blond head nearly smashing into his chin.
“No, you don't.”
“We have a concert to finish! They’re waiting for us. They’ve waited so long, Jungkook-ah, we can’t- I can’t… we can’t just leave them and-”
“And you just fainted! Everyone will understand-”
“So?! I’m fine now! I’m awake. Let’s finish this together.” Jungkook wanted to snort because yeah, alright. Jimin was so far from okay from where he lay still trembling in Jungkook’s arms. He was slim, too tiny and small and Jungkook was only now noticing how frail he was.
They slept together every night, usually cuddled deeply in each other's arm until the heat became too much, but Jimin tended to wrap himself in Jungkook’s overly large hoodies and baggy sweatpants. Many of his stage outfits had jackets to cover this weight loss up.
He had hid it so well. Jungkook was left wondering if this was intentional or whether Jimin genuinely did not see what was happening because their world’s were just so chaotic and fast-paced right now there was no time to even consider such a problem.
“I have to go back out there, Kookie, we have to-” Jimin was struggling again, his breathing becoming harsh with panic. “I’m okay, I swear! We have to calm everyone. Say I was sick or something- but I’m awake now. Just give me some more water or electrolytes- I just- we have to go back out there!”
“No, Jimin-ah.”
“We can’t scare the fans-”
“And I can’t watch you collapse again!”
Jimin fell silent, his body coming to a halt as he finally stilled against Jungkook. Within seconds he let himself collapse against the other. Jungkook hugged him tightly from behind, hooking his chin over his shoulder, nuzzling into the soft cotton of his boyfriend’s sweaty shirt and fluffy sweater.
From here, Jungkook could feel how boney the other was.
“Give them space.” He heard someone shout, a crew member he guessed, and suddenly the two were left alone in the tiny corner, knelt on the cold hard ground together. Jungkook was holding Jimin tightly to himself as he tried not to let his anxiety get the best of him.
Jungkook could feel his lips quiver. “You fainted.” He whimpered.
“I don’t remember…” Jimin breathed.
“You just collapsed.” And Jungkook somehow knew what was happening. And he somehow made it in time to catch his boyfriend.
Jungkook could hear Jimin swallow. “I- I’m sorry, Kookie… But I’m okay now. I promise.”
His voice was so small, so wafty. There was no power to it, no volume.
Jimin’s body was still trembling, his skin still gaunt and clammy.
And no, no- “No, you’re not alright, hyung. Don’t degrade your health so much that you fall into these false beliefs.”
Jimin bit his lip. “I am,” he argued weakly. “It’s just the concerts. I’m tired, we all are-”
“You aren’t eating.”
“But I’m trying!” Jimin cried out, suddenly turning around in Jungkook’s arms. His small hands fisted into Jungkook’s sheer top, nearly tearing the fragile material in half.
His lips quivered as he watched Jungkook, tears spilling over his apple-like cheeks. “I’m trying.” He whimpered.
Jungkook held him around the waist, pecked away his tears and kissed him deeply before bringing the other to his chest to let him cry. Jungkook shushed him, rocking Jimin back and forth. They moved around so Jungkook could prop himself back against the wall with Jimin laying over his lap, head tucked against his chest as he tried to keep his tears at bay. Jimin hid his face into Jungkook’s pristine white jacket.
“I- I swear, Kookie, I didn’t- I’m not meaning to- I just, these thoughts and I wanna do my best and look my best, and I know I have to work even harder now and it just-”
“It’s been getting bad again, hasn’t it?” Jungkook offered when Jimin’s anxiety started picking up, pressing a kiss to Jimin’s temple,
With a tearful sigh, Jungkook felt Jimin nod. “I didn’t even really realize, I swear. There’s just so much going on, it wasn’t… this wasn’t intentional. I just-”
Didn’t eat.
Jimin, who’d always needed control over his life, the exact reason why he initiated those insane diets in the first place, had now bested his own mind. The control had turned on him and made him spiral. The power of food now controlled him and parts of his demons. It’d never truly leave him, Jungkook knew, like a cancer those thoughts would always remain. It was just learning to live with it and surpass those cruel thoughts and begging temptations to skip meals that was the slow process.
Some days were good, some days were bad, some months there’d be regression but most months there’d be a positive aspect to it all. There could be a time Jungkook and Jimin would go out and share a meal and his boyfriend wasn't left in pain from bloating or indigestion or acid reflux or negative thoughts afterwards. It was a rare thing, but it had happened.
It’d just have to get to the point where there were more positive times than negative.
They were still in the beginning stages of this, after all.
A while passed and Jimin sniffled tiredly. “I’ll have to let the fans know.”
“You aren’t going back on stage tonight, hyung. Fuck- after tonight, you’ll probably be leaving here in a wheelchair on the way to the hospital for the night.”
Jimin’s lips tilted into a small smile, eyes drowsy. “You've been carted off in a wheelchair a few times.” He joked weakly, head lolling.
He was obviously still dizzy. Jungkook sighed. “Yah, trust me. It isn’t fun.”
Jimin shook his head. “Noo… ” He whispered. “‘Was-worried.”
“Same as I am now.” Jungkook said. “Except that was physical. This is mental. But like with me when you helped me every step of the way, it’s my turn to help you and hold your hand. We’ll get through this Jimin-ah… but only if you’ll let me.” Jungkook promised with another kiss to Jimin’s temple.
Jimin blew out a short breath, eyelids heavy as his body seemed to finally pass out once again.
Jungkook tossed his head back against the wall, noting the final verses of the night's encore performance.
The members must have already done their speeches.
Jungkook felt sick. He loved performing. And to end tonight off- this week off- on such a sad note? He should go back out there like Jimin suggested, but he also knew that whatever he felt, Jimin was feeling 10x more guilt and embarrassment. No, Jungkook could not leave his boyfriend right now.
And besides, Jimin was right. They’d have to come up with an excuse: exhaustion; fake an illness; sudden fever; chronic muscle spasms acted up suddenly and he couldn’t move. Just any sort of excuse was needed so Jungkook had to use this free time sparingly to think. Management would surely be coming around soon to ask just what the fuck happened, whether that would be before or after Jimin was carted off to the hospital.
Minutes later the other members were running down the stairs, drenched in sweat and limbs falling forward from exhaustion. Jungkook eyed them looking around. Surely, they thought Jimin would have been taken to the hospital by now, but no- Jungkook was too concerned to let him go.
And besides, with this many fans? Trying to sneak an ambulance in would absolutely cause an unnecessary string of panic.
They’d have to take him later in the evening in a private vehicle after mostly everyone had left the premises for the night.
“How is he?” Hoseok was the first to ask, approaching the couple perched against the wall on the floor.
Jungkook, laying against the brick with a tear stained Jimin held tightly in his arms while curled his lap, was certainly a sight for sore eyes. The blond’s head was pillowed against Jungkook’s shoulder and chest, his soft breath’s tickling Jungkook’s sweaty, cold skin. Hobi winced at the couple.
The other members gathered around, watching the two on the ground.
Jungkook shrugged. “Not good, hyung, but… he knows it’s not good.”
Namjoon bit his lip. “That’s always a good start.”
“I think the fans are starting to suspect you two, though.” Jin spoke up, always trying to lighten the mood. “The screams were wild when you carted that one away.” Taehyung suppressed a sad laugh with the back of his hand, whispering, “starting? Please, these two haven’t been subtle for years. Not since Jungkook’s goddamn birthday video.”
Jungkook pouted. “Hey! We weren’t even together then!”
“But you wanted to be.” Jin teased, poking at Jungkook’s free shoulder gently. He knelt to the ground, brushing Jimin’s sweaty bangs out of his face.
Up so close and personal, Jin was just realizing quite how gaunt the other was. “We really missed it this time.” He said in a whisper.
“We shouldn’t blame ourselves- or Jimin.” Namjoon spoke gently, careful not to wake the sleeping boy.
“He hid it well. I don’t think he even knew what was entirely happening until it was too late.” Jungkook offered. “I think he was just too focused on us and trying to give a better performance... like usual.”
Namjoon didn’t like the statement, but let it slide. Jimin had always been too much of a hard worker, even if it was against his own health.
After making sure Jimin was okay as can be and speaking with Bang PD about the evening’s plans for the hospital (a private room was ready and paid for, just waiting on Jimin’s arrival), the boys took their turns saying bye as they had to get ready to leave.
The final concerts would have to be rescheduled unless Jimin’s doctor approved his condition to perform on the side, which everyone doubted they would.
It was an easy, unanimous decision to reschedule. (One that Jimin would hate when he woke up, but tough love, Jungkook thought).
Jungkook kissed Jimin’s forehead, silently promising the other the world before they were finally carted off to the hospital for just the one night. Jimin was given plenty of rest and IV fluids, alongside a nutrition plan and a personal therapist recommended through the Company if he decided to go down that route. (Yoongi had been a big factor in ‘not-quite-pressuring’ Jimin to just try it out. There was never a harm in trying, no matter how tough therapy may be. He was Park Jimin after all. He was the definition of tough and hardworking, breaking down and obliterating all the barriers placed before him).
It was a starting point.
Twitter was of course a rampage. Big Hit released a statement saying that Jimin fell ill with a fever suddenly before the concert. He hadn’t realized what was even occurring before he collapsed. A public apology came in the form of a tweet, and Jikook trended for 4 full days.
Internationally.
Two fans caught a picture of Jungkook carrying Jimin backstage, his lips pressed against Jimin's forehead. Jungkook didn't even realize he had done such a thing during the moment, which made Jimin absolutely melt beside him. It was an act so pure and honest, Jimin was thrilled to have it caught on camera. Jungkook, remembering his panic, didn't see it that way but let it slide.
The pictures were a much discussed topic worldwide. It even appeared on the news briefly: was Jungkook actually kissing Jimin’s forehead in panic or was it just the angle, low quality, lighting, blurriness, etc.
(Yes, it had been a kiss. No, that was never stated publicly. Yes, Jungkook loved teasing the ever loving fuck out of the fans on whether it was real or not).
Tweets erupted through the platform, Jungkook's personal favorites being:
“Fellas, is it gay if your friend instinctually knows you're not okay, barrel rolls down a cat walk, bridal carries you to safety and then proceeds to not let you out of his arms?”
“No, no, but seriously! We moved on from this moment too quickly”
“Asfgdhjkflasdfghxcbeiufc guys I’m still not over it. It’s been a week and I’ve slept for a total of 6 hours and this is all I can think about.”
"Jk’s fce just shows it all, the moment he turns? How his smile just disappears? Thats love right there. He cares for his hyungs so fking much”
“Guys he literally threw tae to get to jimin. hobi grabbed yoongi in fear that his hyung would be hurt by jk- Like, jk didn’t even notice, he just HAD to get to jimin.”
“The way he full on bridal style carried Mini to safety- thats a man right there”
“Jokers, how we feeling ?”
It had somehow become bigger than the infamous (and secretly Jungkook’s proudest) moments of Rosebowl, black swan, and gcf in tokyo combined.
It started many (more) rumours. Of course, Jungkook already knew they were popular. But given the probable backlash, they always hid their relationship for their own safety. The couple were never hugely into PDA. Jimin loved hugging and holding hands with anyone, but kissing in public he said always felt wrong.
It was meant to be private.
They were equals, they were in a relationship, but they were individuals who could stand alone and also just so happened to be stronger together.
They balanced each other out so it was always easy to hide their romantic love because it was so much more than that- it was kinship, it was a basic understanding of each other’s thoughts and passions that only came with time and experience. They were family, brothers in arms and lovers. They didn’t need obvious affection to prove their love.
They were Jimin and Jungkook; it was just known.
But Jungkook had began wondering, maybe now in 2022, when Bts was at the possibly the height of their careers and backlash may not be as strong, that maybe now they could come out.
So after much discussion with the other members and the label and many tearful, anxious nights, a decision was made.
When the tour’s docuseries and movie released in June 2023, the world roared loudly and happily. Jungkook realized they caught the entire moment on camera and Jungkook had barely even noticed. They cut out some words, blurred some lines so the fans wouldn’t realize Jimin’s harsh eating habits had come back (of course, the fans figured it out anyways).
During pride fest, images of Jungkook holding Jimin after he woke, of rocking him in his arms, of Jimin crying and trying to tear away from his hold only to be held more tightly, when Jimin turned around, crying only to be kissed deeply by Jungkook on the lips to calm him down, had then kissed his tears away, flooded screens internationally. These images played everywhere for months. It was seen as a huge win for the lgbtq+ community worldwide.
The moment was even parodied on multiple Kdramas and late night comedy shows.
Everyone seemed to love the final shot of Jungkook resting against the wall, arms wrapped tightly around Jimin as the other slept, head resting against his chest. Jungkook could be seen just staring at Jimin like he held the entire world in his arms.
The statement wasn’t wrong; Jimin was honestly that precious to him.
The couple was finally confirmed and proudly out after 4 years. They no longer had to hide though that didn’t change their relationship much on screen. They had always acted the same anyways. They had been mostly accepted with ‘jikook ’, ‘lgbtq+’ and ‘love wins ’ trending for a week straight. Many celebrities both Asian and Western offered their congratulations.
They received backlash, of course, extremely harsh words that at some points had left Jimin in tears and Jungkook in rage. There were a few countries that had momentarily banned Bts from performing but thanks to the fan’s outcry, this was quickly overturned for economic and tourism benefits.
Bts continued on as normal. Together they braved the harsh words and tried to change the world one step at a time.
And in doing so, they started with themselves.