Chapter Text
"has anyone seen jaemin, by the way?" jeno asks, clearing the table from dinner that jaemin did not attend.
"i saw him this morning, but he looked totally exhausted," renjun hums.
"he went to bed so early yesterday. i went in to charge my phone at like 8 and he was fast asleep," jisung adds. jeno throws a glance at their door and jisung notices. "he's fine, i think. he was doing okay earlier, he's probably just tired."
"yeah, you're right. i'll talk to him tomorrow," jeno decides, more for his own sake than anyone else's.
"that's the spirit. come on, let's watch something," chenle tells him and the four of them gather in front of the tv. jeno tries to focus on whatever is playing but he knows he can't. after goodness knows how long of the film (or maybe it was a show?) jeno gets up. he knows the others probably watch after him, see him go straight to jaemin's door. they don't say anything, though. jeno pauses on the door handle, listening for... he doesn't really know. without knocking, he goes in.
the room is dark, even with jaemin's bedside light on. all the computers are off, unusually. jaemin is lying down on his bed facing away from the room; he doesn't react to jeno entering. he is on top of the covers in his day clothes. renjun and jisung were right, he must be drained. jeno pauses for a second. he can hear jaemin's breathing now, slow and slight, and the soft rustle of his clothes against the bed as he shifts a little. jeno would talk to him tomorrow. he turns to leave.
"hyung..."
now. jaemin is just a few months younger than jeno and even jisung doesn't usually call them politely. it makes jeno stop dead in his tracks because jaemin doesn't say things like that. unless he needs jeno’s help. occasionally, jaemin says it quietly, pretends he's singing or something, and jeno knows to check on him, look over all of him to figure out what is hurting him. right now, jeno can't tell what it is, but jaemin does not want to be left alone. so jeno turns around and walks over to sit on jaemin's bed.
jeno quickly checks jaemin's form, making sure he isn't in any physical pain - he doesn't seem to be. jeno reaches out a hand and strokes jaemin's side gently, the soft fluff of his sweater warm between his fingers. jaemin moves and jeno stays still. jaemin reaches his hand to meet jeno’s on his waist. it trembles a little and jeno holds it tight.
"i'll stay here, I'll be with you," jeno promises quietly, sensing that jaemin's pain is coming from his mind. it's too quiet and too loud at the same time. jaemin responds with a little tug on his arm. no more words, no eye contact, that would make this too hard. jeno doesn't let go of his hand, but manages to manoeuvre himself so he's lying behind jaemin, one hand over his waist. he taps jaemin's head lightly and jaemin lifts it obligingly so jeno can let him rest on his arm. it will give jeno pins and needles soon but he doesn't care one bit. "okay?" jeno whispers and he feels jaemin nod, pulling him even closer.
jeno breathes safe comfort onto jaemin's neck as they lie in silence, the whirr of the air conditioner and the muffled echo of the television to accompany them. it's fine, jeno thinks, he can be okay like this. before he can force himself to think any clearer, he presses a kiss to jaemin's exposed neck. he hopes it says everything jeno wants to tell him.
"again," he hears. It's so quiet, so cracked that jeno almost thinks he imagines it, but he does it again anyway, further up towards jaemin's ear. jeno feels a faint shiver pass through him and jeno smiles. jaemin adjusts his grip on jeno’s hand and whispers, "again."
.
jaemin wakes up and he's so warm. it's strange because he isn't even under the sheets. they aren't even under the sheets. jaemin is with someone. and, from the steady heartbeat he can hear with his head pressed against that soft, scented hoodie and the strength of the arms wrapped around him, he knows it's jeno. God, why does it have to be jeno? for once, can't haechan come to him and check on him and sleep next to him? or even jisung? they share a room, after all, it wouldn't be too hard. and now jisung would see them like this, too, and expect jeno to do it every time.
the heartbeat gets faster. for a minute or so and then calms back down. jaemin can't be entirely sure, but jeno shifts a little and he thinks that jeno has woken up. and jaemin doesn't want this moment to end, not just yet, so he doesn't move. he keeps his weight over jeno, pushing him to stay. jaemin keeps his breathing slow and hopes with all his soul that it works.
jeno moves and jaemin doesn't want to get up. he doesn't want to leave or face the world or talk to anyone. he wants to stay here and he will stay here until someone forces him out. jeno doesn't do that. jaemin feels jeno’s hand pet his hair gently, comforting and soft, reminding him that the world will stop for a minute if jaemin needs it to. that unconditional warmth can't be good for him, he thinks, but he can't give it up right now. that arm around his shoulders is the only thing holding him together.
jeno shuffles some more and jaemin knows he has to wake up, know why he wants to move if he'd stayed this long already. taking some of his weight painfully away from jeno, he drowsily croaks,
"what time is it?" jeno moves an arm away and jaemin hates how unsafe it makes him feel.
"4:30," is the deep, sleep-worn reply. two and a half hours before they even need to think about getting up. jaemin smiles internally, wanting to keep this feeling in his heart forever. but jeno sits up some more and takes his other arm away and jaemin can't breathe without him there and so he finds his wrist and holds it tight and whimpers,
"please don't leave me, hyung." hyung. he said it again. jaemin has no idea why he says it, when he first said it, why his stupid brain even thinks it makes any sense at all because jeno isn't even older than him and-
"i'm not going anywhere, i promise," jeno croons. he rolls over jaemin to the other side of the bed and holds him closer than before, wrapping him in security and sweetness. jaemin hums involuntarily and knows it resonates against jeno’s chest.
"hyung, I'm sorry," he mumbles, gripping the back of jeno’s hoodie. he hates himself for it but every time that word rolls off his tongue he sinks deeper and falls into a place where nothing can hurt him, nothing can even touch him except for jeno. it's too dangerous to maintain but he doesn't care.
"you don't have to be sorry," jeno whispers. "it's nice like this." he kisses the top of jaemin's head and jaemin doesn't know why but he suddenly wants to cry. jeno is so kind and comfortable and loving and it's too much all at once.
"again," jaemin asks brokenly, feeling empty even though he's so close. jeno complies unquestioningly, moves his legs so they're entwined with jaemin's, promising not to leave. and he doesn't leave for the whole two and a half hours. when jaemin is woken up again by jisung's alarm, they're in the same position, warm and safe.
"are you good to get up?" he hears jeno ask quietly and while jaemin wants to say no, wants to just stay, he's been lying in the same place for twelve hours; he needs to stretch. with jeno's help, he sits up and becomes his own person again. he feels a lot better than last night, his head is clearer and he's more stable. "feeling okay?" jeno asks in his ear and jaemin nods.
"yeah. thank you," he smiles and jeno returns it.
"thank you hyung," he insists, knocking his head gently against jaemin's, making him laugh. jeno hits the bed above them with his hand. 'jisung-ah! get up or im taking the bathroom," he yells and they hear jisung groan.
"fine!" they watch him slink down the ladder, mumbling about how jeno shouldn't even be in his room. he disappears and jaemin feels jeno kiss him on the temple. he blushes accidentally.
"if you need to talk about anything, i'm here for you. if you need me at all, come and find me and i'll always be here, okay?" God, jaemin loves him so much.
"i know. thank you for staying with me. i don't want to be alone right now," he confesses, but jeno knows that.
"you know, you always have jisung," jeno smiles jokingly and jaemin laughs quietly.
"he's nothing like you..."
"hm?" jeno doesn't hear him. but that's okay.
"nothing. i'm sorry i made you sleep in your clothes," he notices, but jeno seemingly hadn't realised.
"oh, right. that's okay, i didn't mind. let's get dressed and then have some breakfast, okay? i'll meet you back in the main room once everyone's ready?" he tells jaemin, who nods quietly, upset at the realisation that he has to live in a reality outside jeno's arms. and then he's being hugged again. "it'll be okay, minnie. you'll pull through like you always do," jeno whispers before kissing jaemin on the forehead and leaving. jaemin hears the door click and lies back on the bed, hoping he can just absorb his tears back into his head.
"you okay? what's up?" jisung asks when he comes back.
"don't fall in love," jaemin advises him, getting up to face another day.