Work Text:
Lan Baldji:
Jin Clownyao:
Image credits to: elrohir [please listen to her podfics it's much better then anything you will read here]
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“I promise to come later but if I don’t submit this by paper by midnight Jiang-Oniichan will report me for plagiarism,” Wei Ying whined. “I’m not even plagiarizing anything but you know Prof. Qiren won’t believe me.”
“I know.” Lan Baldji answered.
“So please, just go first, I’ll give you something for the way.” Wei Ying said giving a sly smile and turning around from the computer to walk towards the kitchen.
“I don’t need something for the way.” Lan Baldji called into the kitchen. However, Wei Ying had already come back, now holding a small tin of gummies. He immediately popped one into his mouth, and held out his hand with another for Lan Baldji. When the former did not respond Wei Ying just pushed his hand closer to his face until eventually Lan Baldji picked up the gummy and stuffed it in his pocket.
“Hey, if you don’t want it say no. I’m not going to let it melt in your pants.” Wei Ying said, and then quickly realizing what he said he added a wink.
“I’ll have it later.” Lan Baldji answered. Although Wei Ying was not satisfied with this answer he let it slide and quickly started tugging Lan Baldji up off the couch. Lan Baldji didn’t resist much, put on his shoes, and walked out the door. But not before Wei Ying put slapped the hand-dandy trusty Gusu Hat on his head.
“I promise it won’t be long, I mean I only have two hours.” Wei Ying screamed out the window but Lan Baldji was not listening.
---
When Lan Baldji arrived at the address the door was locked and there was no doorbell. Although he could try knocking he could hear the music through the walls and decided no one would even hear him anyways. He stood there for about three minutes, looked up and down the street, and then looked up and down the porch. There seemed to be some weird blobs on the side of the house. First they looked like containers but as he got closer they were clearly bean bag chairs. He poked one and it was a little bit cold, but tolerable. Having nothing better to do he sat down sinking deep into one of the chairs. Upon further inspection these were pretty high quality bean bags, extremely soft, reminding him of fluffy bunnies. He felt his eyes slowly dropping, he wasn't used to being out so later, maybe a nap would be good. But all of the sudden something poked him in the eye. The tag read: Yogibo. This meant nothing to him, but he saw it as a sign that maybe it was time to stop sitting around on some random person's porch and napping.
He fished in his pocket pulling out his phone which had a small square gummy stuck to it. Both remorse and boredom possessed him at that moment to actually eat the gummy before looking at his phone. 10:27pm. He pulled up Wei Ying’s contact. Not one ring and -
“What? You’re done already?” Wei Ying answered, skipping any formalities.
“The door is locked.”
“What? How long have you been waiting at the door? Have even tried knocking?”
“They won’t hear.”
"You didn’t even try? Just try!” And with that Wei Ying hung up.
Lan Baldji was about to get up and walk home when the door opened. A bunch of people were walking up to the house. Lan Baldji quickly got up from the Yogibo and followed suit. The girl he walked in after almost jumped as he joined the group. It looked like she was about to start screaming but then a wave of recognition passed over her face.
“Hey, hey, where is Wuxian?” Said the girl.
“Coming later.” Lan Bladji replied, instantly remembering her name was Main Mian. She didn’t look too pleased but accepted the answer.
“Well, I’m going to go get something to drink.” She said walking ahead of him.
He stood in the doorway for a little, trying to listen to the music blasting from the speakers. It was something he couldn’t put his ears on. He contemplated his plan of attack when someone else walked up to him. My my, how popular.
“Oh hey!” A familiar voice said.
Lan Baldji couldn’t exactly see who was talking through the crowd of way too many people in way too small of a living room.
“Over here!” the voice said again, waving down Lan Baldji. FInally he could see it was Jin Clownyoa, his brother’s friend who happened to go to MIT just like him. Jin Clownyao was pretty easy to spot in a crowd considering how he looked, but Lan Baldji only vaguely knew him.
“Good job on making it over.” Jin Clownyao said, slapping Lan Baldji on the back and pushing him directly into the crowd of people. Lan Baldji flinched and started coughing, weird, he didn’t have the cough yesterday.
“The drinks are over there.” Jin Clownyao said pointing to a dimly lit hallway once they crossed what seemed to be the designated dance floor. The hallway had more people than should ever be in such a tight space
“Just take a right and they’re in the kitchen.”
Lan Zhan decided that he had no choice.
The hallway was very challenging to navigate. He had to ask three different people three different times just to get through. It was dim and dark, the wooden walls gave a very gross and sweaty smell, it might be possible that it was also the people in the hall. But just as he was about to loose all hope the hall finally opened into an exceptionally bright kitchen. The first thing he noticed were the horrendously orange walls, the linoleum floors that were once white now gray-yellow, and the counters were covered in chipped gray-yellow tiles to match the floor. Overall a really ugly kitchen. On the counters there were three large plastic drink dispensers that contained oddly colored drinks. There drinks were probably 95% food coloring, nothing could be naturally that bright black, green, and purple. He drifted towards the purple drink and found that he couldn’t read the label as the words had been completely smudged off. But he did find a pretty tall stack of red solo cups.
---
Lan Bladji was walking around the dance floor holding an empty cup and swirling his metal straw, Bichen. This straw was really the backbone of his society. He made an effort to be environmentally conscious at all times and especially to never waste plastic straws. He never left home without a couple in his pocket. As the straw hit the walls of the cup it made a very annoying sound as no liquid was there to make the scraping of plastic against metal more pleasing. This really aggravated his delicate ears. He found himself walking through the dim and disgusting hallway back into the horrendously orange kitchen. The hallway was much easier to traverse the third time around.
“Back for more!” Jin Clawnyao said with a huge grin on his face.
Lan Baldji nodded his head.
“I’m really becoming the barista here.” Jin Clownyao beamed. “You know, Lan Xichen loves my drinks. Isn’t a drink a sum of its parts? As long as there's enough alcohol it's a good drink. Am I right or am I right?”
“Mhmm” and another nod.
“Say Xi-chan-san left some really pricey stuff here last week.” Jin Clownyao continued, barely looking at Lan Baldji at this point. He brought out a step stool from under the kitchen sink and started rummaging in a cabinet. After clearly not finding what he was looking for he climbed onto the kitchen counter and started rummaging for something on top of the cabinet. His large bright colored shoes were starting to give Lan Baldji a headache.
“A-HA,” Jin Clownyao exclaimed, jumping down from the cabinet and landing with a honk.
“This is the shit, coffee liqueur. You know what’s my new favorite drink? White Russians. I’ll make you one.” He continued, pouring some amount of the liqueur into Lan Baldji’s cup. Lan Baldji instantly pick up his straw and bringing the cup to his mouth -
“STOP!” Jin Clownyao yelled. Lan Baldji stopped, gave a brief pause, and then repeated the motion.
“No really, stop. It’s not done.” Jin Clownyao said, now forcibly removing the cup from Lan Baldji’s hands, who did not let go to the metal straw. Jin Clownyao set the cup on the table and started rummaging in the fridge.
“Usually it’s made with heavy cream but I have 2% milk.” He said as he poured in the milk, followed by some kind of clear liquid from the freezer. Taking the straw from Lan Baldji, only after struggling to pry it from his hands, Jin Clownyao used it as a stirring rod to mix the drink. Finally he handed the cup, the straw, and the milk jug to Lan Baldji with a chief's kiss. The milk jug was not reciprocated, it fell on the ground.
“JESUS!” Jin Clownyao yelled, as the milk spilled out on the linoleum floor.
“New polishing.” Answered Lan Bladji as he walked out of the room.
---
As soon as Lan Zhan finished the White Russian he headed towards the sink. The kitchen was still in disarray. Jin Clownyao was still busy polishing the floor. Someone brought a mop. About 40 paper towels were laid out in an intricate circular array, probably summoning the devil. So instead Lan Baldji decided to try his luck and search for a bathroom. He opened the first door to his left when he saw him. The smallest most circular floofy in the middle of the room.
Bunny.
The party was still in full swing so to respect the bunnies privacy Lan Baldji quickly closed the door behind him. He immediately walked over to the bunny. Upon further inspection this seemed to be an elderly bunny, yet extremely friendly and pleasant. He was mostly orange, only one cream colored spot on his forehead. Forgetting about anything else Lan Baldji sat down on the floor and began petting him.
A very fluffy bunny.
A very good bunny.
---
An unidentifiable amount of time later, while Lan Baldji was still petting the bunny, someone walked in.
“I FOUND HIM!” Jin Clownyao screamed, again. Lan Baldji was convinced this man did not possess an inside voice.
“Jesus Fucking Christ” Wei Wuxian exclaimed, walking in shortly after the scream. “I thought you died, did you forget about your phone?”
Remembering he had a phone, Lan Baldji checked the time. It read 9pm.
“Bed time.” Lan Baldji said, with a slow approving nod. Wei Wuxian squinted as Lan Baldji and then at Jin Clownyao.
“The man said bedtime.” Jin Clownyao answered with a shrug.
---
After a very heartfelt farewell between Lan Baldji and the bunny, promise of reunion and even a handful of tears he was finally walking out the door.
Jin Clownyao stood in the doorway waving goodbye as Lan Baldji and Wei Wuxian walked away. His phone buzzed in his pocket.
