Work Text:
Aug 27
PB: Are you nervous
CG: Why aren’t you using punctuation
CG: Not like you
PB: I’m not sure.
CG: Feeling unsure?
CG: Haha, jinx
PB: I’m just…
PB: I’m better when I’m writing.
PB: Does that make any sense?
CG: I think so, but… talk to me anyway
PB: In person, I’m…
PB: I’m just
PB: The awkward, nerdy professors’ son
CG: *who I’m in love with
PB: Who goes on too long about shit like wastewater
CG: *and who I’m in love with
PB: (who gives a shit about wastewater?)
PB: You’re sweet.
PB: You’re always sweet.
PB: But…
CG: ?
CG: But what Peter
PB: I don’t know.
PB: I get to choose my words when I write to you.
PB: See the words before I send them.
PB: And I’ve just been thinking, what if…
CG: You ok?
PB: Don’t tell
CG: Never
CG: Come here
CG: Come to bed with me
CG: Just brushed my teeth
CG: Curled up under a blanket waiting
PB: What if I’ve...broken somehow, and this is the only way I’ll ever be able to express love?
PB: From a distance.
PB: Never looking at you, or… in any other way.
PB: I’ll write a hell of a love letter.
PB: A hell of a love poem.
PB: But letters and poems aren’t enough to keep someone.
PB: No matter how hard I'd try.
CG: Peter
PB: Let me finish
PB: How long have you dreamt of meeting in-person?
CG: Since the first day
PB: Same.
PB: I’ve always dreamt about your coming here.
PB: I suppose because home means so much, and you mean so much.
PB: I’ve had dreams about it.
PB: VIVID dreams
PB: I can imagine the sound of your footsteps on the porch steps.
PB: And I’m on the other side of the front door frozen and…
PB: I don’t know; we’ll get in a car - my car or your rental…
PB: We’ll go for dinner
PB: But in person, it turns out we won’t have anything to say.
PB: All we’ll hear is everyone else talking all around us.
PB: Or you won’t like what I say or my voice or my skin or how I move or…
PB: I don’t know what you wouldn’t like
PB: But there would be something
PB: And that would make this… False somehow.
PB: It will shatter me if this was false.
PB: What if this summer was just me being broken?
CG: What if this summer was just *me* being broken?
PB: Apologies for even bothering you about this, I’m sure I’m overthinking.
PB: How can you be the broken one?
PB: You’ve dated for years.
PB: You know how to act.
PB: You know how to fall in love. You’ve fallen in love before.
CG: Yes.
CG: But in a different way
CG: I wasn't expecting you
PB: How did I make it to my fucking thirties with no frame of reference?
CG: Ok so look
CG: Maybe we won’t have anything to talk about
CG: But…………..
CG: What if we do?
CG: What if we talk through the whole date?
CG: What if I see you after and
CG: Reach for your hand
CG: When you’re least expecting it?
CG: What happens then?
PB: I don’t know.
CG: Do you trust me?
PB: Yes.
PB: yes
CG: So question
CG: Would you want me to kiss you?
CG: If things go well?
CG: You can say no
PB: I think...
PB: I think I would.
CG: You’ve never kissed someone you were in love with.
PB: No.
PB: Shit, so embarrassing
CG: It’s a big responsibility, being someone’s first
CG: So let’s leave it, if I kiss you tomorrow…
PB: Yes?
CG: ...That’ll be my way of telling you I still love you in real life, too
CG: No words or writing or contract required
PB: I love you.
CG: (But I can’t guarantee I won’t use words once I walk you up those porch steps and gently walk you up against the back of the door and then kiss you and kiss you and kiss you...)
CG: I always like seeing those three little dots come and go when you’re thinking
PB: How do you always know what to say?
CG: Because
CG: I know you, Peter
PB: Yes.
CG: Do you think that means this is real?
PB: Maybe.
PB: Maybe it does.
CG: Here, come next to me
CG: I’m going to have to fall asleep soon
CG: I have a busy day tomorrow
CG: (I don’t know if I told you but I’m getting coffee with a hot mayor)
PB: Really
CG: I might be in love with him even
CG: Terrifying, but I'm making do
PB: Relatable
CG: I need my beauty rest first, though, so
PB: You don’t need any beauty rest.
CG: Flatterer
CG: Ok, going to sleep now for real
CG: Assuming you’re ok
PB: I’m okay.
PB: You made me feel okay
CG: I’ll stay up if you’re not
CG: Not a big deal
PB: Go to sleep.
PB: Love you, love you, love you.
CG: Ok I’m trusting you
CG: Love you x 3 too
CG: See you tomorrow
CG: (!)
PB: !!!
PB: Good night
Aug 28
PB: And good morning.
CG: Good morning
CG: I love you
CG: Ready for what's next?