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When Ojiro laid his eyes on you, he knew he was a goner.
The way your eyes shone so bright with happiness and fondness, the way your thick eyelashes curled on your cheeks when you gave him one of your infamous wide grins, the way your cheeks deepened in color when Aizawa scolded you for being too loud, and the way you'd fondle with his tail when you got lost in your train of thoughts.
He knew for a fact that you were too good for him. You wore your heart on your sleeve for everyone to see, for everyone to see your kindness, the love that it still held, the love that it gave. Everyone he knew, even himself, have shielded their heart from the pain of being a hero in training, traumatized from growing up too fast, but you? You wore those wounds, those scrapes and cuts and bruises with proudness and honor, showed them to everyone willing to look. Told them stories of fighting against villains with so much awe held in your voice, as if it hadn't traumatized you as much as it did the others.
You never even dared to show anything else than deep-rooted kindness, love, and affection towards those around you, helping them build themselves up when they broke down, holding them if they needed someone to lean on, and shielding them from further pain until you were sure they were ready to go their way yet again. It was just who you are. Someone you'd always be.
But who looked after you?
Despise your extroverted nature, you still kept all your secrets close to your heart, not willing to make yourself vulnerable. Not ready to show your weaknesses, not willing to show the sadness that seemed to rot you down to your bones. You were their anchor, so there was no way you could ever show them how you felt. They needed you, and you wouldn't bother them with what you felt; it wasn't your place to do so.
Not even Ojiro himself noticed first. The way the circles under your eyes grew darker, the way you'd nod off in class, snapping awake the second you started to doze off, or the way you'd down one energy drink after another, hoping to keep yourself going for the rest of the day.
"Y/n looks tired lately." It was a random comment that Sero had thrown into the conversation, but somehow it still made everyone stop talking as they turned to the tall half Latino. "What do you mean?" Kaminari questioned, his head tilting a bit as he looked at the raven-haired male, and so did everyone else as they perked up, standing around the couch the Bakusquad had claimed earlier that day. "Are you fucking blind?" Bakugou questioned, eyebrows furrowed as he looked at his class, and to his shock, they actually didn't notice. "You haven't noticed? They look exhausted, to the point where it's starting to worry me." Kirishima threw in with a frown, cuddling himself into Bakugou's side in hopes of taking the dread he was feeling off of him. Ojiro only furrowed his eyebrows. He hadn't noticed anything different about you; you were still cheery and bubbly as always, kind compliments leaving your mouth when you passed people familiar to you. "You guys are overreacting." Kaminari waved them off, leaning back into Mina's embrace as he took his phone out of his pocket. "They're fine. They always are."
Kaminari was wrong, oh so wrong. After Sero pointing it out, Ojiro started to notice too. The way your shoulders slumped in exhaustion when you thought no one was looking, the beaming smiles you gave everyone disappearing a bit too quick, and the way you couldn't keep your eyes open in class. Ojiro always questioned how he hadn't seen earlier, why did he only notice when it got pointed out to him. Did Ojiro know you at all? Or were you just good at hiding your feelings behind a mask, something everyone here did way too often?
When his class decided there was going to be another class 1-A movie night, he was thrilled. Not only was everyone he liked there, people he had grown to love and cherish, but you were going to be there too. There was just something that made his heart speed up in a way he couldn't describe when you sat beside him, so close he could feel your body warmth against his, lazily letting your fingers curl around the hair of his tail, twirling them around your finger and repeating the motion for the rest of the movies. It was comforting and calming him, the usual tensed up blonde seemingly melting into the couch, enjoying the presence of the people he could call family by now.
But today was different. You still took your seat beside Ojiro, but instead of playing with his tail like you usually would, you had leaned your head against his shoulder. When he glanced down at you, he could see your tired, swollen eyelids heavily dropping as you tried to keep yourself alert and awake, and he frowned a bit. Why were you forcing yourself to stay awake if you were so obviously tired? "You can sleep if you want to." It was barely a whisper as Ojiro hoped he wouldn't disturb the others, their eyes focused on the movie playing on the television. You looked up at him, your eyes red with tiredness, a red rim around them as you slightly shook your head. "I'm not tired." You muttered as you forced yourself to sit up straight, and a deeper frown covered Orijo's face as he watched you closely. He didn't understand why you would do that to yourself. On the other hand, he knew he couldn't force you to go to bed because it wasn't his place to do that. So, all he could do now was lean back, keeping his worries below the surface.
It didn't take long for you to fall asleep, tucked into the corner and Ojiro's tail wrapped around you, and the blonde was rather glad as he leaned back into the cushions. However, despite your sleeping state, you still looked anxious and tense. He could tell something was wrong, but for the love of God, he couldn't tell what was wrong. He decided he'd talk to you tomorrow because right now, he was just happy that you managed to get some rest.
That was until you started to move, face twisted into something he couldn't tell, but that didn't stop him from sitting up, alert as he looked at you. A whimper escaped your whips as you buried your head deeper against the cushions and Ojiros tail, now pulling the attention of the others onto you.
The movie got paused as they turned to you, their eyes filled with worry as they watched you.
"Please, don't."
"Please don't." Your eyes glistered with tears as you pulled against the restraints that held your arms back, taking your mobility. "Why should I listen to you?" His voice was raspy, something that made shivers run down your spine and made the hairs at your neck stand up as you looked at the man that stood in front of you.
Shigaraki.
"Tell me, Y/N, which one should I kill first?" He snarled with a sickening grin as he looked between the three options. "Me." Your voice was shaking yet determined as you stared him right into his eye. "No deal." He smirked as he crouched down, four of his fingers running over Bakugou's neck, making the gagged blonde gulp. "Or rather him?" Your breath hitched when his hand laid on Kaminari's shoulder, his pinky fingers only a few millimeters away from his skin. "Or the wannabe Crimson Riot?" Shigaraki snarled, his finger running through the red hair until he grabbed a handful, a few strands of the red hair turning grey and falling onto the ground, and the only thing left of them was dust.
"Please don't let us die, Y/n!" It was Kaminari's desperate cry that sent tears out of your eyes. "I won't let you die, I promise! I promise Kami!" You panicked, trashing against the shackles as Shigaraki strode his way back to Kaminari, his steps long and predatory. "People that beg for their live die first." Before another word could leave your mouth, his hand placed on top of Kaminari's face.
His cries quiet down as he froze. It took seconds for his ashes to fall to the ground. In shock, you stared at the pile that was your friend, silent tears running down your face as Bakugou screamed against his gag in agony, angry tears running down his face, and Kirishima, whose head hung low as he sobbed.
Why weren't you strong enough?
"Who's next? Your decision, Y/n." You felt nausea bubble up inside your stomach as you stared at Shigaraki, wishing you could tear him apart, rip him apart for what he did to Kaminari.
"You promised we'd get out of this, Y/n!" Kirishima said, his voice shaking and breaking as he stared at you, so much hatred in his eyes that your breath hitched in your throat. "And now Kami's dead! Because of you!" You could feel the way your heart broke at those words, and tears streamed down your reddened cheeks. "Kiri... I'm sorry I couldn't save him." It was a pained mutter as you tried to stop your sobs, only making them worse as they painfully escaped your throat.
"I hope you die just as painfully."
Those were Kirishima's last words before Shigaraki placed his hand over his face, and you bawled as you doubled over in pain, Bakugou's heartwrenching screams for his boyfriend drowned out by the gag.
"And now there's only one left~" Shigaraki sang as he looked at Bakugou, the blonde's eyes blown wide as he stared at Shigaraki, flinching away from his hand. Without another word, his gag fell to the ground, and Bakugou took deep breaths as he hunched over, coughing.
"You'll fucking rot in hell for this, Y/n." You stared at Bakugou as Shigaraki stepped up to him. "Stop, please stop!" You screamed, throat burning as you trashed against the restraints. "Stop, stop, stop!" Your voice was barely more than a screech as Shigaraki placed his hands just millimeters away from Bakugou's face. "Please, I'm begging you, stop, please, please, please." It was a desperate cry as you stared at Shigaraki.
"NO PLEASE-"
Your eyes snapped open, and before you realized what was going on, you pushed off of the couch, barely missing hitting Shoji in the head as you scrambled away from the people.
The people you couldn't recognize yet, still not being able to tell reality and dream apart.
"Fucking stop." Your voice was thick as you breathed heavily, curling up on yourself, wrapping your arms around your legs as you wept into the fabric of your pajama pants.
When a hand laid on top of your shoulder, you were about to send them flying, but when your eyes met warm brown ones, you halted.
Ojiro.
A look of relief washed over your face, letting your head drop in exhaustion as you cried. You weren't dreaming anymore.
That didn't stop your head snapping up, and you saw your three best friends sitting across from you, faces painted by worry, and before they could react, you launched yourself at them, wrapping all three of them into a bone-crushing hug as your tears dripped onto their clothing.
"Did you dream that we died?" Kaminari asked, his voice hesitant. "Mhhm." You muttered, pulling them a tiny bit closer. "Remember when we all got kidnapped by the League of Villians? And Shigaraki made me choose who to kill first before Aizawa, and All Might came?" All three let out an agreeing hum, and you slowly let go of them. "Well, Aizawa and All Might didn't come to rescue us in the dream." You muttered as you sat back down onto the ground, letting your hands tiredly run over your eyes.
"Y/n...maybe you should go to Mrs. Hagami's office too." Ojiro's voice was soft as he scooted a bit closer to you, looking at you with pity. "Maybe you should tell that yourself." You muttered, your eyes never meeting his. "I think we all appreciate that you are helping us, but you're suffering too. You're just better at hiding it." Ojiro muttered, hesitantly wrapping his tail around you, pulling you closer to him, and you leaned tiredly against his chest. "Maybe you should talk to us too." He muttered, a comforting hand running through your hair as you played with the fur of his tail. "But I'm the one that wants to help you. How can I help you when I complain about my problems?" You asked, looking up at Ojiro. "Well, sometimes even the person offering their help needs help, you know." He gave you a sad smile, and you sighed as you leaned back against him.
"Sometimes..." You hesitated as you talked. Was this something you wanted to tell them? Were you ready to be vulnerable, to let your guard down? "Sometimes, all I need is just for someone to be there when things like this happen. Not for them to pity me or to think I'm weak. Someone to be there when things get bad again." The last part was barely a mutter as you unconsciously cuddled yourself further into Ojiro's side, sighing at the smell of the familiar cologne and his body warmth. Something that has always managed to calm you down. "We're right here, you know," Bakugou stated. "I know. I know that you're here. And I want to talk about what bothers me, but I'm afraid if I talk about it I won't be able to stop and if I won't be able to stop you all are going to get annoyed and will leave and then I will be on my own again, and I don't know if I can handle that." You rambled, taking a deep breath before you placed your hand over your racing heart, tears once again filling up your eyes.
There was just way too much to lose if they saw the real you. Deep down, you were a storm raging, tearing up everything in your path, and you didn't know if they were ready to handle that storm, if they were ready to hold onto something, despite it being painful sometimes.
"What are you scared of, Y/n?" Your head snapped up to Ojiro, blinking slowly. "What?" "You're scared of showing yourself to us. The real you. But why would you be? You have seen our ugly sides, our toxic sides, and our dark sides, yet you're still here and ready to help anyone that is in need of help. Why won't you let us help you?" In frustration, your fingers found their way to your hair, tugging at the strands of it as you let your eyes roam over the ground. "I don't fucking know. I don't fucking know, I know you guys are good and kind, but I still can't bring myself to show you my real side. It's ugly, it's depressing, and it's disgusting, Ojiro." You rambled once again in anger, not towards anyone else, but to yourself. Why the hell couldn't you just be normal like everyone else? Why was it you that had to struggle all their life?
"It's okay if you don't want to talk to us yet, but we all hope you know you can come to us if you need someone to talk to or just be there with you when it all gets bad." Kirishima smiled as he tilted his head a bit, trying to find your eyes, and hesitantly you looked at him. He looked genuine. "You don't have to carry your burdens on your own. We're family, after all, aren't we?" Kaminari lightly laughed as he put his hand on your shoulder, and right now, this simple gesture felt like it took a burden off of you, causing your tears to fall again as you chuckled. "Yeah, we are. We are family."
"Let's get you to bed, alright? You look exhausted." Ojiro said with a smile, standing up before offering his hand to you, which you took gladly. "I am exhausted." You chuckled, waving your friend goodnight before Ojiro and you made your way to your room.
With a sigh, you let yourself fall on top of your sheets, head buried in your pillow. A hard pat on the side beside you made Ojiro raise his eyebrows as he leaned in the doorway. You groaned as you realized he didn't take your hint, now looking at the boy. "Come here and close the door, please." Hesitantly, the blonde obeyed, your room only lightened by the dimmed LED lights in your room. You could feel the mattress dip as he sat down on it. "Lay with me?" It was a hesitant question as your cheeks reddened, and you were sure that Ojiro had noticed but didn't say a thing as he laid down beside you. "What-" Ojiro cut himself off as you tiredly wormed your way closer beside him, sighing as you let your head rest on his chest, one arm draped over his abdomen. Even though his heart seemed to be racing, it comforted you as he put one of his arms around you, his tail soon following and making sure you were warm enough to sleep without the blanket since you both were laying on it. "I usually sleep better when someone is with me." You explained, not daring to open your eyes as you felt yourself get drowsy. The tiredness that usually took hours to kick in seemed to kick in within minutes now. "Then why didn't you ask Kaminari or Kirishima? I would've said Bakugou too, but I don't think he's the cuddly type." Ojiro questioned. "Bakugou is definitely a cuddler. He doesn't show it." You lazily grinned before exhaling audibly, shrugging. "I don't know. Having you beside me makes me feel a different kind of safe. When you're around, I feel like I can...let go for once." You could hear the way Ojiro's heart seemed to speed up even more, smiling a bit. "Thank you, Ojiro." You muttered.
"Thank you for being my safe haven if I lose myself."