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Lee Donghyuck is not drunk. It’s only nine o’clock and he believes that the party has only begun. Not because he’s arrived, and the embodiment of the term ‘life of the party’ occurs whenever he shows up, more like when the red cup settles into the webs of his fingers he feels the thrill. He should be in his room, cramped up in the walls mounting his room—his lab report due tomorrow, or the AP World History essay he was supposed to finish yesterday.
He waves a hand at those thoughts, pushing away his worries. Renjun would probably be willing to lend him the study guide with proper, friendly blackmail.
So, he returns to the day-drunken atmosphere when the cheap beer burns at his lips when he takes a long sip at the red cup, sliding from his hands as he leans against Johnny's counter. He almost feels bad, for even touching the piece of furniture, his parents have always considered Donghyuck as a second son, and as they’re currently out of town for the weekend, a guilt trip heeds his chest so he removes his elbow in repentance.
He should be partying, dancing with the crowd as he was minutes ago, rolling his body mindlessly to 90’s music alongside his friends. Oh, he swings his head around, in surveillance of where his said ‘friends’ have left him.
Eventually, he does find his friends in the sea of people who stumble past him. The music progressively grows louder, and his heart stutters against the beat. Maybe it was the rush of alcohol gathering to his brain, or his thoughts compartmentalizing to make sense of his surroundings. He’s not really sure right now.
He spots Renjun, sitting beside Jaemin who’s well rounded, and comfortably seated in Jeno’s lap. Donghyuck feels the need to puke or chuck the nearest lamp in their direction. “God, get a fucking room.” he says, once reaching the couch.
Jaemin offers him glazed eyes, a strand of inked hair tumbling down his forehead to which Jeno neatly tucks behind his ears. Heart shaped eyes smitten and quietly observed Jaemin as he typically does. “Last time I checked, single lives don’t matter.” Jaemin retorts, gently rubbing his thumb against the nape of Jeno’s neck.
“Oh shut up.” Donghyuck snaps, the malice behind his words left staled and Renjun rests a hand against Jaemin’s hand, as he smiles sweetly. “Not you too.” Donghyuck mutters bitterly.
Jeno shrugs, because he’s never helpful at these important times when Donghyuck is fourth-wheeling and the only remaining single person in their friend group. His eyes wander over to near the stairs, where Chenle and Jisung giggle, holding two cups of baby beer bottles like they’re in their own world. He has a right to be bitter, he was going to remain lonely for the rest of his life, wallowing in his sorrows while worrying about his SAT scores.
He shifts his gaze away from the stairs, fixating back to his friends. “Have you seen Mark?” he asks.
“He came a little later than the rest of us, no one’s really seen him since.” Jaemin offers, which is very helpful as that’s what Donghyuck had imagined. Mark has always been the social butterfly, constantly moving between people like a hurricane and thriving on the words spoken no matter what language. It’s sort of his lifeline, clinging and clinging onto people.
Ever since they were younger, Mark has always been conversable, easy going and illustrative when he speaks. It’s no surprise that he would be off chatting up a storm with a stranger, but sometimes it worried Donghyuck, for if Icarus traveled towards the sun with his white-dusted wings in savoriance of freedom, then would Mark ever collapse in his extroverted awakenings.
“Thanks for the help.” Donghyuck bites back, and shoves his half-way filled cup into Jeno’s open hands.
*
He’s not sure how much time has passed since he arrived. It feels as if he’s been walking in circles, following the flow of the crowd as he inspects and searches the living room and waves to Johnny, the host of tonight’s lovely party—who's been tied together with Ten, another senior. Ten hovers near Johnny’s ear, as he smirks joyously, their hips knocking against each other in the synch to the music. God, Donghyuck was never going to escape it. “Do either of you know where Mark is?” He asks, politely greeting them, while trying to speak over the music.
Johnny shakes his head, swaying a bit and Ten leans into him as he throws an arm around his neck to bring him close. “He might be with Yuta-hyung near the front of the house.” There’s a pair of pink, square tinted sunglasses bent low on Ten’s nose as he runs a free hand through his hair and peers down at Donghyuck. If he didn’t know any better, then he might think that Ten was staring into his soul, he tends to do that when he’s not ‘platonically’ making out with Johnny.
(Platonically making out are the wise words and claims from Ten himself. Their relationship status will always remain a mystery to Donghyuck).
“Alright, thanks!” He shouts, and Johnny shoves a new plastic red cup into his hands eagerly.
“Enjoy yourself Hyuck.” Johnny’s voice wavers over the pounding techno beats blasted in his ears as he walks past the dj’s area.
Donghyuck starts to feel a little impatient, it’s never this difficult to find Mark at a party. While he does wonder off and mingle with the crowd all too often, he was easily spottable. Overly enthusiastic gestures, a laugh that could crack the equator in half and let the humid heat burn Donghyuck’s skin, or how it has the ability to bounce off the walls. Infectious, and bright, that’s how he describes his laugh, a laugh you could listen to on repeat.
Eventually, after pacing back and forth from the kitchen to the living room and even venturing up to the second floors which was a stretch and instant regret at these types of highschool parties Donghyuck finally finds him. He’s stuck to Yuta’s side as Johnny had mentioned, hands tucked into his jacket as the wind messed with hair, recently turned brown and the additional blonde highlights from a bet gone wrong.
Mark looked good, his nose pinkened from the cold as he pulled out his hands to warm his fingers over the campfire. Cute, Donghyuck thinks and immediately shuts down the thought.
He seems relaxed, chatting with a group of people as he gives his sole attention to them. That’s what he does best though, offering his heart on a platter as he carries himself humbly. Mark’s smile glistens against the moonlight, and the smoke wraps around his silotehe in the backlash of the grass tickling his feet.
And it’s simply Donghyuck with one foot on the front lawn, relearning how well comfort takes a million forms on Mark’s face. And yet, Donghyuck could probably get sick and tired of how peaceful he looked, talking up a storm and entertaining the crowd with his awkwardness, genuine personality.
Yuta curls a hand over his shoulder while Mark speaks, fondness clouding his eyes as the senior laughs into his shoulder and Mark appears flustered. It’s best not to bother him. Donghyuck had first period AP Pre-Calculus with him tomorrow morning, he almost does, taking one step forward to waltz over and greet Mark. Instead, he turns his heel back inside to find Renjun and the others. The alcohol finally begins to take toll as it swishes around in his stomach like guilt’s venom in a snake’s bite and Donghyuck only has sixty seconds left to live.
He should start drinking less.
*
“You’re late.” Renjun greets him pleasantly as soon as his butt hits the seat and he slides into the desk just as the bell rings for their first period class.
Donghyuck is a bit out of breath, having woken up past his alarm clock for the third time this week. Luckily, the distance to school was a good five minutes if he bicycled hard enough and used the main roads. His books hit the desk, and he slumps forward in defeat. “Who allowed us to be taught math at eight in the morning?” He groans.
Renjun shakes his head, offering a measly pitied glare before turning his head towards the board where the teacher calls for their attention. “It’s your own fault for deciding to take AP classes in our junior year.”
“Touché.” Donghyuck bitterly answers.
Class begins, as Renjun slides on his thin-rimmed glasses as he opens up his notebook. He might’ve been a bit dramatic, he does enjoy math— a lot. It’s just he feels a bit hungover and his brain is unable to function with a cup of morning caffeine. Too bad Jaemin was in the other class, if he wasn’t then he would snag that nasty, canned coffee he brings everyday. Donghyuck concentrates to the best of his ability, as the rest of the class scrambles to write the notes on the board.
He finds Mark though, halfway through class when the room is quiet except for the noises coming out of his Pre-Calculus teacher’s mouth and the continuous squeak of the whiteboard marker. Currently wearing his own pair of thick, black glasses with those thick lenses, as Mark rubs a quick hand against the nape of his neck.
Tongue poking out of his lips, as he scribbled inside his notebook and squinted at the board. Despite the unenthusiastic responses from the rest of the group when Mark had first shown up to the movie theaters, a few weeks ago. Due to a recent misfortune/discovery, he was shy about the fact he needed prescription glasses. Donghyuck had complimented them, to which Mark had blushed and mumbled a sincere ‘ thanks’.
Now, Donghyuck rests an elbow on the desk and turns his attention to Mark. It’s bashful, but he was beginning to get bored and oddly enough he finds staring at his best friend halfway across the classroom to be much more entertaining.
“Stop staring.” Renjun hisses ahead of him, and Donghyuck kicks the back of his chair lightly, not enough to get a bigger rise out of him.
He feels Mark’s gaze against his neck as he spins in his seat to find him already staring straight ahead before Donghyuck was able to catch him in the act. Weird, he thinks. It was nothing, and finally decided to start taking notes when his teacher announces an upcoming quiz, scurrying to scribble the rest of the notes. Donghyuck hears a muffled chuckle of triumph erupt quietly from Renjun as he gives one more satisfactory kick to his chair. That’ll shut up him for once.
*
There’s something off, and Donghyuck can’t exactly put his finger on it. He knows that Mark is not avoiding, but more keeping his distance. He’s a bit jumpier than normal and at the end of every class they share together (which is almost over half of them, because they both signed up for their AP courses at the same time) Mark jumps immediately to gather his books as soon as the bell rings for next period. Normally, Donghyuck would shrug off the odd behavior, since Mark does odd, unquestionable things and he supports those unquestionable things because that’s what best friends are for.
It gets odder after Pre-Calculus when they’re in Biology as Donghyuck had reached their assigned seating arrangements which were made at the beginning of the year. When Mark had walked in, minutes later he almost seemed hesitant to sit next to him.
“I won’t bite.” he jokes, when Mark finally drops his Biology textbooks on their shared workstation.
Donghyuck gets a half-assed scowl, as he replies with: “Shut it.” Mark seems tired when in his terrible attempt to throw a comeback, so he doesn’t answer him again and instead hums a reluctant sigh as he pretends to not hear what he had just said.
He spots Jaemin, Jeno, and Renjun crammed at one workstation as Jaemin sits his head on the desk and grumbles something along the lines of ‘fuck biology’ under his breath. Renjun swats at his shoulder, before Jeno pats his hand in consolation and Donghyuck has never been more confused and jealous of the three of them then right now. It’s always odd, to see how well they fit into the crook of each other’s neck like a puzzle piece or a gear placed into clockwork. He doesn’t complain, once he sees the affectionate smile Renjun gives Jaemin throughout class like a lovesick fool and Jaemin smiles radiantly and suddenly his mood turns sour and now he wants to go home.
The whole dilemma (?) with Mark doesn’t end after Biology, it continues into their third period class which was Computer Science. Only Jeno, from the selected group besides Mark was in that class and usually they sit together in the mid-row, playing games and texting on KakaoTalk while Donghyuck sends funny gifs and Mark fumbles to close his pages whenever the teacher strolls by. But today, as Donghyuck struggles to make it to his first class, Jeno and Mark are already seated in their usual spots and he finds his seat taken already. He frowns, but makes headway to the empty area in the back of the class.
Jeno swings his head secretly to give an apologetic smile, and he’s not sure if he wants to smack him on the upside of the head or squeeze his cheeks like he’s petting a Somayeed dog. You can understand his internal struggle and conflict once you actually take a look at Jeno yourself.
Meanwhile, Mark avoids his eyes and Donghyuck isn’t sure what to think. Was he really avoiding him? Maybe he wasn’t feeling very well, he tends to frequent migraines if he’s not wearing his prescription glasses whenever he’s studying. And since they both had their AP World History essay due later today, he assumes like the good, scholarly student Mark is, he was probably staying up until early morning prepping. So he ignores them, feeling a bit awkward and pushes away the lapping waves that kick roundhouses in his stomach. There was nothing wrong with him right?
*
During Lunch, he barely gets a word in with Mark as he zooms to speak to their French teacher due to a random grade mark-up mistake. “He’s been weird all day long.” Donghyuck finally says as he soons as his bag of chips smack their designated wooden table outside near the track field and Mark flees from the scene with an overly enthusiastic wave.
“He’s always weird.” Jaemin points out, and proceeds to call over Chenle and Jisung who are almost finished with their own lunch break as the freshmen and juniors have overlapped lunchtimes meaning that it gives Jaemin the ability to dote on his favorite underclassmen.
Jeno smiles reassuringly, helping Jaemin open a can of soda before handing it back to him. “It’s probably nothing to worry about.” and Renjun gives a slice of his oranges. Donghyuck wants to retaliate, but Jeno seems genuine in his advice so he sits back and busts open the bag of chips he had bought from the vending machine.
“I wasn’t worried.” he adds in, ten seconds later.
“Of course you weren’t.” Jeno says in a kind yet mocking, serious tone, nodding his head. And sometimes, Donghyuck wonders if there was an exchange policy on returning his friends.
*
For once in his life, he’s thankful for agreeing beforehand to meet up after school at Mark’s house to study for their upcoming Psychology test. He arrives at his house, after dropping the majority of his textbooks and supplies and sprinting with his shoelaces half-unlaced and his psychology notebook in hand. He’s not sure why he starts to run, maybe because he feels as if he’s on a mission and there are wings bound to the hilt of his back like Excalibur and he’s free on foot. But then he realizes that he lives then a less away from Mark so he slows down so incase Mark’s mother happens to pass by the windows she won’t be startled by Donghyuck running full speed down their street.
He knocks twice and still feels like a stranger despite the numerous times he’s let himself into his house. It’s Mark’s brother who opens the door and opens it a bit wider in invitation upon seeing Donghyuck at the doorstep. “He should be upstairs.” He says, as Donghyuck musters his best smile and slips off his sneakers at the foyer.
He passes by Mark’s mother on the way to the upstairs, and dangles against the kitchen wall, waving charmingly. Donghyuck bows, before she sweetly laughs. “Run along, Minhyung is probably waiting.”
He hurries up the stairs, finding Mark’s room at the end of the hall and rams it open with misplaced brute force as Mark jumps from his desk and nearly spills out of his chair, frightened. “Oops.” Donghyuck says cheekily. Mark realigns the rim of his glasses, and turns around. He throws himself onto Mark’s bed comfortably, messing up the sheets which he knows is his number one pet peeve. But he receives zero reaction, and frowns before opening up his notebook.
It’s quiet for the first fifteen minutes and Donghyuck hates it, typically Mark would never be at his desk whenever he comes over (which is frequent) they’d be slouching on Mark’s bed making use of his flashcards and throwing pokes at each other’s sides whenever either one of them got a question wrong. But now, it’s deadly silent, so silent that it’s made a home next to Donghyuck and plans to stay. He notices the way Mark spins his pen expertly in a twirl around his index finger and thumb. A habit he develops over the years when he grows antsy, unrested.
“Mark-hyung.” Donghyuck starts, as Mark finally looks up. Drop the honorific, he would grumble. But instead he doesn’t meet his eyes, which takes him by surprise because whenever, whoever is speaking Mark has a tendency to offer his eyes in full attention and sincerity like his eyes hold the galaxy with fright and gentle charisma.
“Yeah?”
“Can I borrow a pencil?”
Mark rustles with his pencil case and stands out of his chair to personally hand it over which Donghyuck feels almost touched for a split second if he completely ignored Mark’s abnormal behavior throughout the day. As he hands Donghyuck the pencil, he seizes the opportunity to grab his wrist and tugs him onto the bed. “What the fuc-” Quickly tumbles from his lips as he lands on his ass roughly.
“We need to talk.” Donghyuck threatens, and Mark brushes him off with a distorted laugh.
“What’s there to talk about?”
He shoves a finger at his chest, “you.” and continues when he notices a shatter in Mark’s stiffened expression. “You’ve been acting odd all day. And I don’t like it one bit. Are you sick of me or something?” The last part might’ve been unnecessary and it goes unnoticed the way his voice lowers, almost teething his final sentence.
Mark looks away in discomfort. “It’s not that.”
Donghyuck pulls at his hand, bringing him closer. Mark does double back, or fling himself away at the motion. “Then tell me.” he says gently.
“I want—” he begins. And Donghyuck nods encouragingly, as Mark swallows and he notices the way his neck curves as he speaks. Almost like a painted sculpture in a museum. Man-made perfection rigid once the clock hits the painted number eight. He's reborn. “I want you to teach me how to kiss.”
Donghyuck pauses. Blinks. And then gapes his mouth wide open in shock, he definitely wasn't expecting that. “What?”
“Forget I said anything.” Transparent regret forms along the bottom of his lip as he starts to get up and Donghyuck tugs him down again, this time they’re facing directly towards each other and Mark is practically sitting on his lap.
“Why though? Do you have someone in mind?”
Mark runs a messy hand through his hair, another habit he’s developed over the months past after failing to get a haircut and his hair pools benevolent and stark against his cheekbone. “You’re a good flirt, and people like you. I just figured you could give me a few pointers or something.”
Donghyuck almost clutches his stomach and breaks into laughter but he simply replies, “I’ll do it.” The words smoothly leave his mouth faster than his brain can process it and before he knows it Mark stares at him with eager and nervous eyes, almost bracing for what comes next. “But you have to loosen up, no one’s going to kiss you if you jut your lips like a puckerfish.” He jabs, and Mark relaxes.
“Be quiet.” And as soon as Donghyuck gently tilts his chin upward he can see the nerves scrambling in Mark’s caramel brown eyes that seem to single-handedly tuck the galaxy into hands with fragile care. Because gentleness never leaves his sides, as he quietly accepts Donghyuck.
“You do know that I’ll be your first kiss.” he whispers, hovering over his mouth but miles away from reality. This feels like a daydream, kissing his best friend. “Are you okay with that?”
Mark nods, and he’s not sure where to start. Granted Mark had assumed he was some amazing kisser when truthfully he’s only had a selective amount of people who were willing to kiss him in the first place. His most recent memory was kissing Jaemin just to confirm his feelings, and for Jaemin’s sake as he was in a mid-life crisis over pining for two people. Ideally, it worked out because Jaemin ended up with a buy one get one deal in earning two boyfriends and Donghyuck returned empty handed except for a decent make out.
He begins careful, bringing their lips together after what felt like an eternity. And the first thing he thinks is the way Mark’s chapped lips somehow manage to remain soft. He can taste the lingering taste of bubblegum from the pack he chews to prevent himself from biting his nails. He’s kissing him, and holy shit it’s brutally gentle. Everything about Mark is gentle, tender but he’s clumsy, inexperienced so Donghyuck lays a practiced hand on Mark’s waist to steady the remaining nerves.
It’s a good kind of tenderness, that leaves the stirring passion once burning in his stomach at shore. Mark reaches for his cheek, something to grasp onto as he kisses back inexpertly. Donghyuck parts, catching little breath lost in the last few moments. Mark seems unhinged, glasses pressed against the bridge of his nose. “Let’s stop for today.” He says.
“Okay.” He agrees and Mark slowly peels away, almost falling over the bed in an attempt to untangle himself from Donghyuck’s lap. He returns to his desk, facing back to him as he picks up the abandoned pencil from the floor.
They don’t talk about it for the rest of the night.
*
“Wake up, you idiot.” Renjun snaps. Donghyuck’s eyes peel open slowly. And he’s elbowed in the chest by Renjun, as he sits straight up.
He finds Mark two seats across him, and he waves a fluttery hand in his direction and he sees right through him almost as if he was a ghost and turns back to front of the classroom. Donghyuck wrinkles his nose, taken back by his lack of reaction, on any other day he would wave back at least acknowledge him. Sometimes, he would give an awfully soft smile and nudge towards the board for Donghyuck to pay attention. And in the rarest of occasions, when it’s mid afternoon and the windows are knocked open he discovers Mark staring mindlessly outside.
The sun angling like a microscope, and dust settles in sparkles against the curve of his jaw, his high-risen cheekbones that skyscrapers fear the pinnacle of Mark’s relaxed expression. His eyes becoming marbled glass, riveting against sunlight and hazelnut orbs lay against the green grass peacefully. “Lee Donghyuck, are you paying attention? Or do you need to step out to the bathroom to wash your face?” His AP World History teacher asks, three feet away from his desk and he sees the hopeless gaze on Mark’s mouth when it twitches with slight exasperation.
“I’m fine, thank you.” He rushes out, whipping out his textbook from underneath his desk quickly as his teacher begins to back away and resume class. He couldn’t be falling asleep, and dozing off in the middle of lectures. Especially with midterms approaching sooner than he’d like to admit, it’s not that he’s been behind with classes.
Of course, it’s when he’s off thinking about his best friend’s cheekbones and jawline that his teacher announces that their essay begins. Donghyuck scrambles, and panics because he can’t find his essay research which he had spent over an hour working through after leaving Mark’s house last night.
Renjun is in the chair directly behind him, as he feels a flush of papers hit his neck acutely, “take them loser. And stop misplacing your shit.”
“You’re the best.”
“No talking!” His teacher calls out, and Donghyuck is sure from the corner of his eyes that he sees Mark staring at him, blank and unfazed. He’s an open book, wearing every emotion on his sleeve and with one hit of a button Donghyuck is able to read him, no matter the font. He was going to get to the bottom of this, no matter what.
*
“I definitely failed that dumb essay.” Donghyuck grumbles before he can take a seat at their usual lunch table. Jeno and Jaemin have already opened a shared plate of french fries, as Jaemin wiggles his eyebrows and dangles a fry into Jeno’s mouth as he feeds him. Donghyuck gags, and Jeno gives a sweet, but not at all innocent eye-smile. And now he knows why he can get away with half of the shit he pulls miraculously.
Renjun slams his lunch tray onto the wooden bench and sags like a wilted flower against Jeno, who reaches over with his free hand (as the other was currently occupied in holding Jaemin’s hand) to pat the top of Renjun’s head. “Damn that fucking history essay.”
“I’m sure you did fine,” Jeno consoles gently, rubbing his shoulderly soothingly. “And you too Hyuck,” he says additionally.
“How’d you think you did Mark?” Renjun asks, as he sees him approach the table and sit right across Donghyuck and to the right of Jaemin.
Mark seems rattled at the sudden question, and sheepishly laughs. “I’d rather not think about it.”
Donghyuck puts his arm on the table, jutting his jaw to meet Mark’s eyes. “You don’t have to be humble, we know you probably aced the essay.” He teases.
And there it is. That similar rejection he was given yesterday, before they kissed. Mark gives another cutthroat, haughty laughter and begins to eat. Renjun swiftly picks up the conversation, asking Mark about how he got a ride home to the party a few days ago. “Ah, Yuta-hyung had offered to drive me home.” He seems happy, when he says Yuta’s name, eyes lightening up.
There goes the sinking feeling like a ship’s anchor plummeting into the dark, blue sea of your gut and spreading like grains of sand on the bottom sea level. Hook, line, and sinker that depreciates the emptiness residing inside of Donghyuck. “Did he now?” Donghyuck reiterates.
Donghyuck knew that jealousy was not a beautiful color to wear, and yet he can feel the sensation crawling past every layer of his skin in fury, and he’s not sure why he feels resentment in the first place.
*
After school, there’s soccer practice which is another perfect opportunity to corner and instigate Mark. But he can’t seem to find the perfect timing to corner him. It’s hot, despite the false weather forecasting that it would be freezing cold and Donghyuck once again feels a sense of betrayal, this time by the one and only universe.
Halfway through the line of drills, Donghyuck steps aside to throw his windbreaker over his shoulders and into a messy heap beside his water bottle. The sun is deadly, but gives some sweet glow as it melts his exposed arms nicely. There’s a headband plastered to Jaemin’s forehead, as he bends over to pause at the end of the line. Jeno fidgets out of line, looking for Jaemin in concern.
The sun blinks maliciously into his eyes and Donghyuck turns away quickly. Instead choosing to peer at Mark who’s laughing along Chenle’s side as he dribbles the ball freely while waiting in line. Sweat dribbles down the line shaking the back of his neck, trailing into the deep, v-shaped collar bones that could’ve been chiseled by Michelangelo’s delicate hands. “It’s your turn.” Renjun tugs on his practice shirt, pushing him forward.
He breaks his glance, and carries out his drills. The next hour or so continues, Dongyuck plays, until his calves start to ache and the rising heat curls from the bottom of his cleats. Their coach calls for a water break an hour into practice and Donghyuck throws himself onto the turf field. By now, he’s sweating like fucking crazy as Renjun throws an extra sweat towel at his face. “Thanks!” He chirps.
Jeno and Jaemin are standing by the benches, and Renjun eyes them funnily. It’s not an obvious look of want, or envy. “Stop staring.” He chastises.
“I wasn’t.” And Donghyuck forces himself to sit upright, a hand pressed into bits and pieces of the soccer field. “You’re not a stranger, so stop acting like one.”
Renjun kicks his shin, guarded by padding as Donghyuck can’t help but grin. “Drink your water before I shove it down your throat.” He threatens.
Donghyuck waves a hand, turning across the field where Mark is surrounded by other teammates, his shorts hiked up presumably due to the sweltering heat, as he lifts up his shirt to wipe his sweaty forehead. His mouth dries, he was used to it though, he’s seen Mark shirtless countless times. Renjun snorts before walking away as their water break ends.
Practice resumes until Donghyuck is unable to feel his legs, and it's a delicious kind of ache. One where he spends hours, chasing the thrill and joyously celebrating with his teammates on the field. It’s also a distraction, even if he cannot escape Mark, there is that bit of leeway that practice provides. They all head into the locker room, ready to pack their bags and unchange. “Let’s get something to eat.” Jaemin suggests, throwing on an oversized sweater. Jisung and Chenle creep up from behind, as Jaemin ruffles their heads affectionately, adoration flickering in his eyes.
Donghyuck shrugs off his shirt, facing away from Mark who’s sitting on the locker room bench, pulling off his shoes. “I’ll meet you outside.” He says, and Mark silently nods along. Soon, the locker room begins to fill out, and he waves and hoots good-byes to the rest of his teammates.
Minutes later, the whole room is desperately silent. Silent tugs around the ball of his ankles, dragging him underwater and there’s no way for Donghyuck to escape. “Stop it.” he finally settles on starting with. Mark whips his head up, dressed into gray sweats and a random t-shirt he probably rummaged in the closet to find with his eyes closed.
“Stop what.”
“Avoiding me, it’s getting annoying. If you have something to say then just tell me already.” Mark’s locker happens to be two doors down from Donghyuck as he slowly walks over, ignoring him hesitantly and opens his locker up.
“God, I’m not ignoring you Hyuck, not everything is about you.” Mark seethes. And Donghyuck couldn’t help but laugh, allowing himself to hold his stomach for a good second and release the laugh throbbing at his throat.
He slams his locker room, leaning over Mark, it’s a curse how they’re almost the same height. Ever since middle school, Donghyuck has always had the advantage of being a few centimeters taller but once they returned the summer of freshman year Mark has a sudden growth sprout and ever since then he’s been a bit spiteful. “Then what is it Mark?” he bites back, “was it the kiss, do you regret it?” He can see the tremble on his shoulders, and Mark bits his lip and Donghyuck feels small. He’s never raised his voice like this, where emptiness is a haunting echo, serving as a reminder.
“I don't—” he trips on his words. “I don’t regret the kiss.”
Donghyuck exhales, drinking in the shitty locker room overhead lights and noise right outside the door. Anyone could walk this very moment. “Then prove it.”
Mark reaches over, and yanks his chin to meet his mouth and he can taste the sweat at the corner of his lips. Grape gatorade, coats his bottom lip as Donghyuck meets him halfway. The first few seconds are a struggle, as Mark tries to grab him by the waist to tuck him closer. And he grunts in pain as the metal rings of the locker dig into his back and he pushes him lightly. Mark still kisses blindly, without a plan or strategy and Donghyuck finds it cute how eager he suddenly became.
“Open your mouth a bit,” Donghyuck mumbles between soft kisses. Cradling his jaw, freshly shaven as Donghyuck kisses him first and his mouth is lush, hot, and he can tell that Mark’s breathing hard.
He opens his mouth on command, and slowly wraps his arms around his waist, tilting his head to kiss him long and deep and the heat pools at the bottom of his stomach bursting through the seams and crack at the roof of his mouth. A small gasp escapes Mark and he wants more.
“That’s good.” his voice cracks, and he can feel his tongue prod shyly, as he licks into his mouth. And Donghyuck almost melts, he can feel the arousal parade at the tips of his fingers. Every part of his body could be on fire, or that touching Mark, he would turn into gold.
“Are they coming or not?” Donghyuck hears from outside the locker room recognizing Chenle’s whine and they both freeze up. Mark breaks apart first, covering his mouth before twisting around to reach for his soccer gear.
“We’re coming!” Mark shouts back. “I’ll meet you outside.” before nearly sprinting to reach for the door. The aftermath of the slam leaves Donghyuck a bit startled, as he semi-consciously rubs his fingers gently against his lips. That really did happen, he really made out with Mark. For the second time.
*
The pizza place was busy, luckily it was an in-and-out joint on the corner of the street near the school so getting a seat wasn’t as hard as they thought. Donghyuck trails behind Renjun, who finds a free space near the back of the restaurant. Jeno and Jaemin find the restroom to find a bathroom to wash their hands and Chenle has already opened a menu set at their table. Jisung rests on his shoulder, pacing through the menu along with him.
Mark sits next to him, as they share a menu together, heads colliding as he bickers over when to turn the page, choosing the best kind of soda. And oh, it’s like a sanctuary seeing Mark’s smile at rest, genuine and stretching like a field of flowers, each thorn pricking Donghyuck’s finger as a punishment. “Let’s go with cheese.” Donghyuck decides.
“No pineapple pizza.” he replies, and shuts the menu proudly when Donghyuck wrinkles his nose at his poor pizza taste.
“Absolutely not. That should be banned on planet earth.”
Renjun sighs, waving over the waiter as he spots Jeno and Jaemin returning from the bathroom. “Order whatever the hell you want, just stop bickering like two kids. We’re in public.”
“Someone’s cranky.” Chenle sings. Renjun shoots him a peeved glare, only smiling as Jeno slides into the seat across from him.
“Is everyone ready to order?” Renjun asks calmly. Mark settles to meet Donghyuck halfway with the meat lover’s pizza. He orders a diet coke, while Mark settles for water and he laughs once the waiter leaves their table.
“Shut up.” Mark scoffs, and for a quick second Donghyuck pauses. A hand clasps his fingers slowly under the table and there he lets him. Mark grins, and it’s bright and beautiful and Donghyuck doesn’t know what to think.
*
Mark is too close, leaning over his shoulder as he peers at Donghyuck’s laptop while they write their Biology lab report together. But he hasn’t been able to finish his paragraph ever since Mark began to sit across from him, as their knees into each other every time he leans over. Donghyuck’s mother had been kind enough to spare them peace, instead of interrogating them both about school, the difference in their grades and soccer practice. Donghyuck had to practically drag him upstairs before Mark had the chance to strum a conversation that would last an hour. He knew how much his mother adored Mark, even told him to call her eomma, which he tends to forget most times he comes over.
You’re going to scare him off, he warned his mother who laughs boisterously, patting Donghyuck’s cheek gleefully.
Not if he’s been hanging around you.
“ God,” Two hours have passed and he’s made over 400 words into his essay as he slams his laptop shut startling Mark who’s own laptop almost jumps out of his lap. “This fucking sucks.”
Mark laughs quietly, typing away at his keyboard. “Yeah.” he agrees.
Donghyuck mimics his previous movements, ducking over his screen, and forcing Mark to look at him. “Hey.” he says softly.
He shuts the top of his laptop close, taking in every part of Donghyuck, eyes raking up and down almost shamelessly. Mark watches him huff a dry laugh, as he replies. “Hey you.”
“Can I kiss you?”
There’s a moment where Mark stops, and then inhales like he’s taking a deep breath before lunging underwater. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you,” Mark mumbles, now then and there, Donghyuck almost stumbles but he’s grasping the hem of Mark’s shirt.
Donghyuck’s smile hovers, as he tips his jaw upward and maybe, there’s a galaxy he holds with fright and magnetism that makes want nothing more than to kiss him, again and again. Maybe he’s selfish and wants to kiss him until his lips grow raw. Fuck. This was getting out of hand.
God, this really fucking sucks. He’s drunk on the stigma that keeps up at night, when he’s not awake at three in the morning chugging cans of Red Bull or cramming in a last minute essay. “What’s been stopping you?” He whispers, and Mark. It’s just him, and the darkness that lights a campfire. Donghyuck would be stupid not to kiss him.
But he almost stops, and remembers. They’re nothing more than friends.
It’s unlike the last two kisses, a gradual, but gruesomely tender kiss that pools under his belly but never crosses the shoreline. When he reaches for Mark’s cheek to tug him into his lap, he obliges immediately and opens his mouth wider as he kisses him, hasty and deep. Maybe he’s desperate like there’s a ticking alarm clock pinned to his back and he’s been running out of time the moment he willingly chose to help Mark out. Donghyuck fumbles to take off Mark’s glasses, as he parts for a split second to toss onto his desk, and mumbles a quick, “those are my only pair, my mom would kill me if I broke them.”
Donghyuck smirks, caressing the line of his jaw, trailing down his collarbone as he kisses the underside of his neck and Mark gasps sickly. It vibrated throughout Donghyuck like sweet satisfaction. “And how to explain to her how in the world you broke them.” he says, cupping Mark’s waist, fingers sliding down his shirt as Donghyuck smiles into his skin. Soft, and warm he marvels, before Mark lifts up his chin and they kiss again.
It’s a lot of tongue, and sloppy as Donghyuck guides him with a whispered ‘not so eager’ and ‘that’s good’. His palms feel like a vampire in his chest, as he groans into the kiss. Mark widens his eyes, surprised before melting forward, biting at his lower lip.
“You’re a fast learner.” He praises.
“Only learned from the best I suppose.” he grasps the back of Donghyuck’s shirt as he greedily licks into his mouth, making the bones in his body weak from every touch. He couldn’t control himself, he didn’t want to stop.
(And when Mark does that thing, where he soothingly caresses the pad of skin next to his thumb easing Donghyuck, his head goes empty).
And so, he kisses him not once, not twice, and after the third time he feels as if he’s been placed in a fever dream. And there’s the trip of guilt that sweeps his feet and causes to crash in uncertainty but a storm looms over his lips and sweeps him into the sea and he loses focus. How cares if Donghyuck was right, and all of this practice and lessons were for Mark’s rumored crush.
And so, the decimation of Donghyuck begins, and he crumbles under the pressure with no one to save him.
*
“Did you hear?”
“Hear what?” Donghyuck asks when Renjun stops him in the middle of the hallway. It’s almost time for class and he’s running late.
“Mark’s going to ask someone out at the party tonight.”
Donghyuck knew he should’ve been bracing for this. He was waiting, hiding behind closed doors in anticipation of the news. He’s happy for his best friend, he shouldn’t feel or show any other emotion other than pure happiness. “Is that it?” He begins walking to his next class. Renjun pulls on him by the backpack, and Donghyuck’s hand flies to smack him on the shoulder. “
“You haven’t told him yet have you?”
“We’re friends.” he replies sharply, and Renjun blinks back at him, unimpressed.
We’re nothing more than friends , he thinks miserably.
*
Tonight, he’s avoiding Mark all night. It’s the night after the three exams he had and he regrets the three o’clock can of coffee Jaemin had force fed him. He of course accepts because he rarely gives up his precious coffee if you weren’t Renjun, Jeno or Jisung. He wasn’t pitiful, he was just looking out for himself. And by that, that qualified as crowding by Renjun’s side for the majority of the evening. Chenle had been hosting the party at his parent’s backyard and no matter how many times he’s visited to spend lazy, late summer nights in their pool he manages to get lost.
He’s on his second cup of beer of the night, and he knows it’s a bad idea to drink. He’s supposed to be home, planning a study outline for his AP English oral presentation due in a few days. And that was his original plan, to huddle in his room and self-pity while struggling to use his brain after having it being fried from the entire school day. Chenle had begged him to not ditch the party, giving those ‘freshmen puppy eyes’ that he used to pull when he was their age.
“I hate you all.” he declares to open air as Chenle whooped a triumphant cheer and clapped hands with Jisung.
Now, he sees Chenle situating a group of sophomores that have recently arrived. He can’t seem to find Mark, but that’s not his problem and so he pushes away those feelings. But he can’t seem to let it go. He’s been so bothered these past few weeks, unable to rein the confusing feelings stirring up his throat and gliding choppily around his mouth.
He has words to say, but how to express them properly without getting a) his feelings remotely hurt or b) achieving in being the worst best friend ever and ruining his friendship with Mark. Donghyuck swipes a new can of sprite instead of a fresh cup of White Claw. It bitterly slides down his throat as he coughs. “Ugh, this tastes terrible.” he mutters to himself. He notices Renjun and a few other classmates prepare to jump into the pool. “Come and join us!” Renjun calls him over as he waves him away, he was too drunk anyway.
“Donghyuck?” A voice behind him questions, and he spins around. Mark stands in front of him, “I didn’t think you’d come.” he seems surprised by the least.
“Neither did I.” and he nudged the crowd, where Yuta, Jaemin and a mix of juniors and seniors hung around the drinks table. “Did you tell him? About how you feel?”
Mark looks confused, and fuck, Donghyuck almost doesn’t blame him. The alcohol and rush of sprite plays tongue twisters on his words as he winces. “No—l. Wait, what are you talking about?”
“Your crush, it’s Yuta-hyung right?” Is this what jealousy, and ugly yearning looks like? Did it come in the shape and form of Donghyuck?
He shakes his head, lowering his head to avoid his eyes. Why? Why is it always him, why was it Donghyuck that had to fall in love with his best friend? Why did he agree to helping in the first place. And why the fuck was he so oblivious? “You know that’s not true.” Mark finally answers.
Donghyuck might cry, but he won’t. Because he’s nothing but a seventeen year old who’s a mess, too drunk on a friday night and appears like a jealous idiot in front of his best friend of more than seven years. “I’m going home.” He announces, turning on his heel, he could’ve done something. Anything he plants on foot onto Chenle’s backyard and forces himself to stay.
Then, Mark seizes him by the wrist and pulls him around. It’s actually difficult to hear his words, as he reaches closer and closer and he can eventually smell the sticky taste of beer and coke on his lips. Lips so kissable and appeasing, and fuck there he goes getting ahead of himself. “You are the biggest idiot in the world.” Mark curses. Huh?
“What’d you say?”
Mark brings his wrist even closer, rubbing the inside before moving along his fingers as they mingle together. “I said, you’re the biggest idiot in the world. There was no one else. It’s always been you Hyuck.”
Donghyuck doesn’t know if he wants to burst into tears of relief or laugh in confusion. “Then—why the kissing lessons, your crush?” he babbles.
“The crush is obviously you. Gosh, and Renjun told me that I was the oblivious one.” Mark grumbles as Donghyuck flies to meet Renjun who’s cheering next to Jaemin, dancing in the pool. They meet eyes, and Renjun winks. That asshole.
“So everyone knew?”
Mark nods along. “Everyone knew but you.”
Donghyuck throws his head back, the laughter finding itself minutes later. “I really am the biggest idiot.” and he stares back at Mark, whose eyes hold the key to the universe and all things possible. “Is it alright if I kiss you. For real this time?”
“God yes,” Mark urges, and so they kiss. They kiss in the midst of a party, not minding who sees them. Holding his hand, it feels natural, surreal. And Donghyuck feels at peace, returning from the tug of war battled in his heart. Mark smiles, as it glows and cackles like fireworks and Donghyuck’s heart flutters as he falls in love over again.