Work Text:
December 31, 2019 10:30 PM
Hyunjae just came back from work. He was supposed to be home sooner, as his shift did end at 6 PM, but because it was New Year’s eve, they had a seemingly endless amount of patients going into the emergency room. Hyunjae could not simply leave his job with how hectic it was. In order to apologize to his long-term boyfriend, Jacob, he had daisies in his hands.
Jacob, on the other hand, stayed at home for the whole day. After all, it was the semestral break at the school he was teaching at. He only needed to sort out paperwork, all he could manage at home with his laptop. He stopped planning for the next semester around 6 PM and decided to prepare for his dinner with Hyunjae. He already expected that his boyfriend would arrive later, as Jacob was aware of the nature of Hyunjae’s work.
When Hyunjae entered their condo, he found Jacob on the couch, petting their pet cat, Dabi, while he scrolled through his phone. He carefully crept to Jacob, in order to surprise him, but Jacob, without flinching, said,” Jae, I heard you open the front door.”
Hyunjae pouted and tackled Jacob, which made Dabi jump away from the couple. He smothered Jacob with kisses which made the latter giggle softly.
“It tickles,” Jacob said as he tried pushing Hyunjae away but Hyunjae stubbornly continued what he was doing.
“Jae,” Jacob laughed,” Come on. You scared Dabi away.”
“You spoil Dabi more than me recently,” Hyunjae whined as he pouted. Dabi, the innocent one in the room, hopped onto one of the chairs in the dining room, which was connected to the living room, and stared at the couple.
“Dabi’s our baby. Of course, I’ll spoil him more than you,” Jacob pinched Hyunjae’s nose,” but remember, Jae, I love you the most.”
“Hmm,” Hyunjae hummed as he wrapped his arms around Jacob,” That’s what I love to hear.”
“I will always tell you that then.”
December 31, 2020 10:30 PM
Jacob was alone at home for the whole day. He expected that Hyunjae would arrive later on because that was the nature of his job. New Year meant an increase in patients who were dumb enough to not let go of the firecrackers they lit. New Year also meant an increase in patients who were the victims of the people who were dumb enough to light up firecrackers in public spaces. Jacob hated that those people kept Hyunjae away from him during New Year’s but he could not really complain. Hyunjae loved helping people and taking care of them. Sure, it was stressful for Hyunjae, but Jacob also saw how much Hyunjae loved his job.
He expected that Hyunjae would arrive around that time. He always did after all, but he guessed, with the current pandemic and New Year, Hyunjae would be busier. Jacob did not know what to do while Hyunjae was not there. As he sat on the couch, lazily scrolling through his phone, Dabi jumped on his lap and made himself comfortable.
“You know how I feel, little one?” Jacob said as he caressed Dabi’s back,” I hope Jae arrives soon. Dinner will get cold after all. Jae hates eating cold food, except if it’s meant to be cold.”
Dabi meowed as a reply. Jacob softly chuckled. Dabi’s presence comforted him. Jacob had been stressed ever since the school year started. With the shift to online classes, which started during the second semester of the previous school year, he had to change everything he planned. Aside from that, their school also fired a few teachers, which meant the teachers left behind had to increase their workload. That included Jacob.
Hyunjae would usually comfort him. It had been that way ever since they lived together, but with the pandemic, Hyunjae had to isolate himself at times. Hyunjae rarely came home recently too from his work. He had to stay with his workmates in an apartment the hospital rented for them. Hyunjae only went home during the weekends and they weren’t really allowed to be too intimate with each other.
Did coronavirus put a strain on their relationship?
Yes. Definitely.
Even though Jacob was mostly at home, he always had a screen in front of him for paperwork and online classes. Hyunjae did not have time to video call him because he was too busy, as one of the head nurses in the emergency room.
Jacob hated their situation. Sure, it was a blessing that Jacob had a raise and Hyunjae was promoted, but it was also a curse. Hyunjae and Jacob never spent this much time away from each other. They always communicated with each other. They never failed shooting a message every two hours or so. At that point, they only texted each other when they woke up, during lunch break, and after their work, which for Hyunjae, was around 10 PM.
New Year’s eve seemed colder for Jacob when he realized how distant he was with his boyfriend. Don’t get Jacob wrong. He still loved Hyunjae more than anything, but with how rare they talked to each other, Jacob sometimes forgot what Hyunjae’s voice sounded like. Sometimes, he found himself replaying the voice messages Hyunjae sent to remember the warm tone of the love of his life.
“Jae… Where are you?”
December 31, 2019 11:30 PM
“I love your cooking, my Bae,” Hyunjae said as he took another serving of carbonara from the pan,” You do everything so well.”
“Oh stop it, Jae,” Jacob laughed,” You say this every time.”
“And I mean it every time, Bae,” Hyunjae smiled,” How did I bag such a perfect person like you?”
“You flatter me too much,” Jacob felt his cheeks burning up. He was not good with dealing with Hyunjae’s compliments and it was obvious. Hyunjae knew that well. That was why Hyunjae loved complimenting Jacob. He found it cute how Jacob got flustered with his words.
“I only say the truth,” Hyunjae acted surprised with Jacob’s reaction,” You know I can never lie to my love.”
“You aren’t bad yourself, sir Hyunjae Lee,” Jacob said as he looked down on his plate,” Smart, sporty, handsome, tall, rich, wow… How was I able to get you? Everyone in the mixer wanted you and yet, you went home with me.”
“How many times will I have to tell you that all my friends wanted you,” Hyunjae put his hand on Jacob’s which was on the table,” and I feel so lucky that you chose me?”
“To be chosen by you,” Jacob almost muttered, because he felt so embarrassed,” is the best feeling in the world.”
“And I would choose you again and again.”
December 31, 2020 11:30 PM
Jacob set the table, hoping for Hyunjae to come home soon. He sighed. He thought Hyunjae would be home at that time. He poured a little bit of wine into his glass and sipped on it. The last day of the year seemed sadder than usual but he guessed that 2020 was a sadder year in general. Dabi walked around Jacob’s ankles, rubbing his back against his owner.
“Thanks, sweetie,” Jacob said as he kneeled down. He patted Dabi’s head and smiled. Dabi reacted well to the touch and rubbed his head against Jacob’s hand. Jacob knew Dabi was comforting him. The cat somehow sensed the loneliness Jacob felt. Everything felt cold for him at that point.
As Jacob stood up, his eyes gravitated to the shelves where pictures of him and Hyunjae were displayed. He headed to it and decided to reminisce while his boyfriend was not home. He remembered how Hyunjae always made ways to spend New Year’s Eve with him. Even if they were busy all year long, they tried everything to spend time during the special days. That included each other’s birthdays, their anniversary, Valentine’s Day, Christmas, and New Year. That was why Jacob was sadder and more disappointed than a normal person.
It was not a vocal deal. They did not promise that they would spend all those days together, but Jacob thought that was one of the things that were understood without being talked about. He thought Hyunjae thought the same, but that New Year’s Eve felt different.
“Jae…” Jacob muttered under his breath. He knew he should anticipate this, as the hospital was in a rush. He knew he should understand whatever reason Hyunjae would tell him. He knew he should accept the truth that it was difficult to date someone in the medical field. If it meant spending New Year alone for once, Jacob knew he should be able to deal with it.
After all, Jacob chose to stay with Hyunjae despite their busy lives.
December 31, 2020 11:50 PM
“We’ll miss the fireworks,” Jacob panted as he stared into Hyunjae’s eyes. One thing led to another after they ate dinner and they found themselves making out on the couch. Hyunjae smirked and cupped Jacob’s cheeks.
“Just one more kiss? We have ten minutes, Bae,” Hyunjae said as he leaned his forehead to Jacob’s,” I just miss you so much.”
“You promised me we’ll watch the fireworks this year,” Jacob pouted, shaking his head,” We missed the fireworks last year, Jae.”
“Well…” Hyunjae’s voice trailed off before he laughed,” Who was the person who wanted another round of sex?”
“Hey!” Jacob suddenly turned red before he stood up from the couch,” I mean… I was stressed. My boss made senseless demands plus parents spoil their children too much and—”
“I know, I know,” Hyunjae reached out for Jacob’s hand,” How about we move this to the balcony then? Continue our little business there?”
“Alright,” Jacob sighed but he had a small smile on his lips. Hyunjae was so clingy when he was in the mood. Nobody could really say no to those charming eyes of his too. Hyunjae always got what he wanted. Jacob hated to admit that but it was true. That was the main reason how they got Dabi, because Hyunjae found a stray cat hanging around the hospital and decided to bring it home. They were lucky that the building they were living in permitted pets.
Hyunjae eagerly pulled Jacob to the balcony, grabbing two wine glasses and a bottle of champagne on the way out. On the small table they had outside, he carefully placed the glassware. He then pulled Jacob by his waist and smiled at him.
“Jacob Bae, I am so lucky to spend another year with you,” Hyunjae almost whispered. It sent shivers down Jacob’s spine.
“The pleasure’s all mine, Hyunjae Lee,” Jacob hummed, pulling the love of his life into another kiss.
December 31, 2020 11:50 PM
Jacob decided that he should get some air outside. Hyunjae would text him anyway if he arrived in their unit. Dabi stared at Jacob as he changed his shoes.
“Just tell your dad I’ll be out for a minute. I’ll be back before midnight,” Jacob said as he lifted Dabi. He smiled at his pet and hugged him. Jacob wished Hyunjae would get home soon but he knew it was naïve to wish that Hyunjae would arrive before New Year. He guessed Hyunjae would try to make it up to him in the morning.
He put Dabi down and watched him walk back into their unit before he opened the door and locked it behind him. Because it was New Year’s Eve, he heard the signs of excitement and happiness from his neighbors. He could hear glass clinking and laughter reverberating throughout the corridors. He was jealous of these people. He wanted to be happy too, but how could he when the source of his happiness was not with him yet?
Jacob decided he was going to the pool their building had. It was on the floor two levels beneath where their unit was. Since it was near, Jacob decided it would be a good idea to take the fire exit instead of the elevator. He did not need to wait and other people might need to use it more than him.
Jacob whistled as he walked towards the fire exit. He remembered how Hyunjae hated using the stairs because, according to him, elevators and escalators were invented for a reason. Jacob always thought it was because Hyunjae was lazy. He may appear like a cool person to other people, but Jacob knew Hyunjae had certain quirks that made him charming, including that philosophy he had with stairs.
Jacob opened the door and heard a familiar sound.
Moaning?
He knew that people sometimes used the fire exit to get it on. He simply forgot about it because he kept thinking about Hyunjae. He hoped that it was not on the floor of the swimming pool or else, it would be awkward if the couple making out would catch him. Jacob did not want to be labeled as a voyeur after all.
Jacob peeked every time there was a platform on the stairs, just to be sure.
Okay, on the floor of their unit, the couple was not there.
Next floor? Okay, good, no one.
Floor of the swimming pool? Okay. Good.
Jacob felt relieved as he held on the door handle of the fire exit. The thing he wanted to see the least was a couple making out after all, especially that the person Jacob always made out with was absent. When Jacob was about to get out of the fire exit, he heard a familiar name.
“Hyunjae… Wouldn’t your boyfriend be suspicious if you won’t be there by midnight?”
December 31, 2019 11:59 PM
Jacob and Hyunjae were both sweaty. They knew they wanted more but they also knew it could wait. Hyunjae wrapped his arms around Jacob with a wine glass filled with champagne in one hand.
“They’re beautiful,” Hyunjae whistled as he watched the fireworks explode in the sky.
“How much do you think fireworks displays go for?” Jacob asked. Hyunjae laughed with Jacob’s random question.
“Maybe… Hmm, I just know they’re expensive,” Hyunjae answered,” What do you think?”
“Around 10 million won?” Jacob said as he looked at Hyunjae. He couldn’t avoid staring into his love’s eyes. Jacob could not imagine his life without this person by his side and he knew Hyunjae felt the same. Hyunjae noticed Jacob’s stare and turned his head to him.
“What is it, Bae?” Hyunjae asked,” Is there something on my face?”
“Handsomeness,” Jacob joked,” Nothing, my love. I just love looking at you.”
“Why?” Hyunjae asked,” Aren’t you getting tired of my face?”
“How can I get tired of it when it’s the face of the man I love?” Jacob said as he held Hyunjae’s cheek,” If only I can stare at you for the whole day, Jae.”
“If only time can stop for the both of us,” Hyunjae wished before leaning in to give Jacob another kiss. It was not tinted with lust like the earlier ones. It was only with love, with every single feeling each of them felt for each other.
It was a kiss everyone would wish they could experience at least once in their lives.
December 31, 2020 11:59 PM
Jacob did not know what overcame him but after he heard Hyunjae’s name, he ran back to their unit. Thoughts were racing in his head. He did not understand them. He closed his eyes as soon as he slammed the door shut behind him. He was trying to remember the voices he heard in the fire exit. He wanted to make sure if it was really Hyunjae there.
If it was his Hyunjae.
He knew the voice was familiar. He knew he subconsciously muted Hyunjae’s voice during his walk down the fire exit.
How did he know?
Recounting his steps, he remembered the voice, one of the many moans that echoed in the fire exit.
“Oh god… You’re so good at this… Even Jacob can’t compare…”
Jacob wanted to break down at that point. He did not understand why Hyunjae would do this. Was it because of their lack of intimacy? Was it because of their lack of time together? Was it Jacob? Was it his fault that Hyunjae had to choose to make out… or worse, have sex, with another person?
Jacob did not understand anything. He only knew that he wanted to forget about it. He grabbed the bottle of wine on the table and a mug from the cabinet. He knew a wine glass wouldn’t be enough for how he felt. He stormed into the balcony, pouring the contents of the wine bottle into his mug.
Jacob wanted to ask Hyunjae why. Or at least, he wanted to ask Hyunjae to deny it. Maybe he was just mistaken. Maybe it was not Hyunjae. Maybe Hyunjae was still on his way back from the hospital. Maybe it was a coincidence, that maybe there was another couple with the same names as they had.
Fireworks abruptly exploded in the sky as Jacob finished the last gulp he had in his mug. It was bitter.
Was that the taste of 2020? Bitter?
Jacob did not know. He regretted not peeking at the couple in the fire exit, but maybe that was a good thing. He did not need to scar himself, to see Hyunjae with someone else.
“Jae… Please tell me that this is all a lie… Please…” Jacob muttered to himself as if he thought Hyunjae would hear him begging, as if that will change everything.
January 1, 2020 12:05 AM
“I love you, Jae,” Jacob hummed as he stared into Hyunjae’s eyes,” I love you a lot. I love you more than anything.”
“I love you too, Bae, even more than I love chicken,” Hyunjae laughed. Jacob could see the world in his boyfriend’s eyes. He could see his future, his home, his everything. He was filled with love as Hyunjae held him under the night sky.
“Happy New Year, my love,” Jacob said as he pecked Hyunjae’s lips.
“New Year,” Hyunjae chuckled,” And the same old us.”
“Of course,” Jacob nuzzled his face into Hyunjae’s neck,” I hope you don’t get bored.”
“I will never be bored of you.”
January 1, 2021 12:05 AM
Click.
Jacob heard the door open. He was sure it was Hyunjae. He did come home after midnight.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you I’ll be home this late, Bae!” Hyunjae shouted from the door,” You know, just because it’s New Year does not mean people should ignore social distancing protocols.”
Jacob did not answer him. He was too absorbed with the mug of wine he had in his hand. He knew he had to confront Hyunjae about what he saw. He knew he should face the truth. Even though Hyunjae did not know that Jacob knew of what he really did during New Year’s Eve, Jacob could not lie to Hyunjae. He could never fool him.
It was just sad that only Jacob thought of that.
“Bae? Oh hello, Dabi,” Hyunjae said as he crouched down and gave the cat a small kiss. Jacob tried preparing himself for Hyunjae.
“Bae, there you are,” Hyunjae said as he entered the balcony and looped his arms around Jacob’s waist,” I missed you.”
Jacob inhaled sharply.
“Bae, have you been crying?”
Jacob removed Hyunjae’s arms around him and faced Hyunjae. He still had that sweet smile on his face but Jacob could smell a different scent on him.
“Happy New Year,” Jacob greeted with the fakest smile he could bring out.
“Is anything bothering you, Jacob?” Hyunjae asked.
Jacob tried gathering enough courage to face Hyunjae about what he heard.
“A lot,” Jacob said. With the coming new year, Jacob never expected that he would have to face the truth: that along with time, he also had to anticipate change between the two of them, even if Jacob was shattered as this happened.
“Like?” Hyunjae asked.
“I knew what you did downstairs, Jae,” Jacob answered. He watched Hyunjae’s expression change. He was obviously guilty. It even broke Jacob even more.
“Bae…”
“So it was you…” Jacob sounded disappointed. He knew he was at the point of no return. He knew, after this, everything would end. He knew he was lighting up the match and throwing it at the relationship they built over the years, but if he did not do it, he would be doing a disservice to himself. Jacob knew he should put himself first.
It was a one-time mistake, Hyunjae would reason, but once was enough for Jacob. How many times did Hyunjae do it before Jacob caught him? What was the one-time mistake? Getting caught? How long had Hyunjae had an affair? Jacob had many questions, but he knew it would do no good to ask them. Nothing will change.
Jacob would still face the end of their story.
‘Happy New Year, self,’ Jacob thought as he watched Hyunjae attempt to explain himself,’ And I welcome the next stage of this relationship.’