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December 31st.
It was New Years’ Eve, and Apollo Justice’s birthday. More than six months had passed now since he had returned to Khura’in, yet things still didn’t feel...right.
It wasn’t all bad. He had missed a lot of things about Khura’in--the food, the beautiful mountain scenery, and all the interesting people. And being around Nahyuta again was nice--Apollo was happy to have a sibling again.
Yet despite all that, Apollo still felt..alone.
Back in the States, Apollo finally felt like he was...at home. He had Trucy, who was like a sister to him, and Athena, and Mr. Wright--and even Prosecutor Gavin, though he didn’t like to admit it. And...he had Clay, of course. For the first time in years, Apollo finally felt like he belonged somewhere.
But then Clay was taken from him.
Apollo never thought he would ever feel as much pain as he had felt when he found out Clay was murdered. The shock, followed by the agonizing, stabbing, wrenching pain, which turned into anger, then dissolved into nothing but emptiness and tears.
He had known Clay for longer than he had known anyone else in America--he had been a constant in Apollo’s life despite everything else changing around him, a friend he could always count on to be there, someone he cared about more than anyone else. Someone who could always remind Apollo that everything was going to be okay, and that he was going to do fine.
And then he was ripped away from Apollo.
And then, as soon as it started, it was over. The Phantom was caught, and it was happily ever after for anyone. Hooray.
But nobody cared to ask how Apollo was feeling after the trial was done. All he had to do was take off the bandages and put on a brave face, and no one would bother to look deeper and question how he was feeling. Why would they? Besides, maybe if he said “I’m fine” enough, he might end up believing it.
It’s not like Apollo wanted anyone to care anyway. He wouldn’t want to be a burden.
Just keep your mouth shut and pretend everything’s fine.
Apollo was never any good at keeping his mouth shut, anyway.
A year passed. A year to mourn for the person Apollo had lost, and a year to move on and move forward. The pain was starting to dull, and Apollo actually hoped that maybe, just maybe, he could forget all this.
But then a new kind of pain came, when a man Apollo had tried to forget appeared on his doorstep.
Dhurke Sahdmadhi. Apollo had spent all those years trying to forget him. His adoptive father, the man who had raised him for the first nine years of his life, and the man that had left him, and never bothered to visit or even call him, not once, in fifteen years.
And then maybe, just maybe, Apollo thought, maybe he was wrong about Dhurke. Maybe Dhurke did love him, because in all the two of them went through during those few short days, it felt clear that he did. Apollo finally felt like... he had a father again.
Maybe he and Dhurke could repair things between them. Maybe everything could get better. Maybe even Nahyuta could be helped, and the three of them could finally be a family again.
Bang.
Bang.
Bang.
Then it all came crashing down.
Apollo didn’t remember much of that first trial in Khura’in. He knew what happened, of course. Dhurke was proven innocent. The truth of what had happened twenty-three years ago was revealed. Queen Amara returned, back from the dead, and Queen Ga’ran was dethroned. And, of course...another, more painful, truth came to light.
But all Apollo remembered was screaming.
Screaming, sobbing, banging his head on the defense’s bench until his vision blurred as he felt that same unbearable pain from a year earlier all over again.
It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair. Just when he thought he could finally have something good, something real, in his life, it was torn from him again.
And he didn’t even get to say goodbye.
God, he didn’t even get to say goodbye.
What was the point of it all, he wondered?
Why did Dhurke bother with all this? Why have Maya Fey channel him?
Was it really just so he could see Apollo again?
If it was, why couldn’t he be bothered to see Apollo again before it was already too late?
How much of it was even real? And how much was a facade?
And maybe Dhurke got his closure. Maybe Dhurke got whatever he wanted before he fucked off to the afterlife.
But Apollo didn’t get anything.
Not even a goodbye.
But of course, he wasn’t allowed to be angry about that.
Keep your mouth shut, and pretend everything’s fine.
So when Nahyuta asked him to stay in Khura’in, despite it being the last thing Apollo wanted, he agreed.
Because...did he even really have a choice in the matter?
It wasn’t important. He had a job to do, anyway. A broken legal system can’t repair itself, and it seemed like Apollo was the only one willing to do it.
Just push down everything that still hurts and forget about it.
Out of sight, out of mind.