Work Text:
If I wanted to know
Who you were hanging with
While I was gone, I would've asked you
Regulus watched as his breath steamed up the train window, oh what his parents would say when they found out he used a muggle transportation method. He would be cursed, he would be hexed, the pain he was going to feel just to see him again. Just to see him was worth every single painful curse he would feel.
He had no idea what his parents would do if Kreacher ever told them where he was. Probably would apparate and kill him on the spot, then dance on his body.
The train pulled into the station and Regulus walked off, his hood up and his head down, trying not to draw attention to the fact that he was the Heir Black in Godric Hollows. He knew the address by heart, ingrained into him as he burned the letter that Sirius sent with it on. The one he had to hide from his mother, not theirs anymore, not after what happened. Was she his mother still? Was he being burned off the tree as well?
Regulus pondered briefly on a what if. What if he had been strong like Sirius? What if he got into Gryffindor? What if he had run with Sirius and was accepted by the Potters as well? Would he be hiding his dark mark under layers upon layers of clothes? Would he have the scars from curses and hexes? Would he be scared to take each step from fear that the Dark Lord would hear his thoughts?
He hated to ponder on the what if’s because they weren’t the reality he had to live with. The what if’s weren’t what he had to run from.
The steps heading to the house were well cared for, and Regulus could imagine himself helping Mrs Potter with caring for them every Sunday, while the other two ran about like the children they were.
He shook his head and stood outside of the door. His hand raised to knock, to ask if James was there, but when Regulus closed his eyes he remembered the last things they said to the other.
It's the kind of cold
Fogs up windshield glass
But I felt it when I passed you
It felt like years ago, both of them standing in the prefects bathroom. James holding Regulus close, their hands intertwined, lips rosy from kissing.
“Come with me.” The older boy whispered to the quiet and Regulus shook his head, he couldn’t do that to his family.
“You know I can’t. They are my family. They care for me and I for them.” Regulus and James knew this argument well, it was common between them both, and Regulus waited for the response but it never came.
“Fine. Don’t expect me to be there when you realize.” Then he left. Regulus was left in the bathroom, alone. James had never said that to him, never left him mid argument.
Regulus didn’t cry over it, he had been taught to never cry. Yet, when James ignored him in the halls and didn’t respond to his messages he knew it was really over, not that they were truly together anyway, no one but them knew.
There's an ache in you
Put there by the ache in me
But if it's all the same to you
It's the same to me
The door opened as Regulus went to leave. James was standing there with a frown. Regulus didn’t mean to fall into his arms but he did and he cried. He cried because he had missed James so fucking much, and he couldn’t do it anymore.
“Reggie what’s wrong? Did they hurt you?” James’ voice was wobbling and Regulus cried harder into his arms. “It’s okay Reggie we have you, I’m here.”
He was carried into the house by James, scared and confused voices were shouting around him but he could only hear James’ soothing voice whispering to him.
It was warm in the house, warmer than Grimmauld Place ever was. He was in James’ arms and he was sure he heard Sirius saying his name and was that Remus?
Regulus didn’t mean to fall asleep but he felt safe and he hadn’t felt like that in years, not even Hogwarts was safe for him.
So we could call it even
You could call me "babe" for the weekend
'Tis the damn season, write this down
When he woke he was in a bed, and he was lying on someone. That someone was apparently James Potter.
“Jamie?” Regulus tried to move away, he couldn’t let his parents see him cuddling beside James Potter, they couldn’t know.
“Reggie it’s okay. You are in my house. You are safe.” Regulus tried to move, he needed to hide, he needed to hide James.
The door opened and Regulus froze in James’ arms. His mother would surely kill him now. He was in bed with a blood-traitor who was also a man. He was fucked.
“Mother, I'm sorry. I’m sorry. Don’t hurt him. Please. Don’t hurt him. It was my fault.” Regulus never cried in front of his mother, he had been told from a young age that pure bloods are not allowed to have feelings like mud bloods and blood traitors.
“Reggie it’s okay. We are safe. No one is going to hurt you ever again. It’s okay. Safe.” Regulus was shaking James’ arms and he couldn’t forget the way the curses twisted his bones and broke them.
“Get Sirius. He needs Sirius.” James was speaking and the person at the door left again, but when Regulus looked back up Sirius was standing there, shaking and crying.
“Regs. You are safe. You are in Godric's Hollow. James and I are here, we will keep you safe always.” Regulus could hear Sirius through his own thoughts, he hadn’t heard his brother in so long, so many years alone.
“Siri. Help.” Regulus was pulled into Sirius’ arms and they both cried onto the other.
I'm staying at my parents' house
And the road not taken looks real good now
And it always leads to you and my hometown
Regulus was a mess for the rest of the day. He stayed in the bed with James and Sirius and ignored them, just trying to remember why he was there.
The last thing he remembered was being in his parents house and the screaming. Always screaming. He was sure someone threw something and then he remembered the pain.
The pain was common. He could get over it, but this time it was agonizing and he couldn’t breathe through it. His bones were broken and healed, then rebroken. His skin was cut with invisible knives. His mind broke into pieces before they finally gave up and left him on the ground.
It was Kreacher that helped him out of the house. It was Kreacher who apparated them into the train and left. It was Kreacher who healed him as best as he could. It was Kreacher who saved him.
He remembered the train ride in small pieces. He remembered thinking what his parents would think. Then he remembered his heavy breathing steaming the window up. Then getting off and walking.
I parked my car
Right between the Methodist
and the school that used to be ours
The holidays linger like bad perfume
You can run but only so far
It was meant to be a good summer. He was meant to finally be accepted into the Dark Lords followers.
He wanted to be in. He wanted to. But they were so wrong. They hated muggles and anyone who liked Muggles. He didn’t even remember what broke him. But he remembered the aftermath.
His mother must have said something about muggleborns in Hogwarts again and it was finally it for Regulus. He couldn’t keep lying to himself. He needed to speak up.
I escaped it too
He was finally free. He was away from them. He never had to go back. Never again.
Remember how you watched me leave
But if it's okay with you
It's okay with me
Regulus didn’t move the next day either, he didn’t eat but the others left him food anyway. He knew that James was there, Sirius was as well, James’ parents steered clear of them but Regulus heard them talking, and sometimes Remus turned up with a smile and a book to read to him.
Regulus had no idea what he did to deserve any of them but he was grateful when he was allowed to stay with them, he didn’t need to go back there.
No one mentioned the mark on his arm but they just have seen it since they had changed him into warmer clothes. James’ clothes. How he missed wearing the older boy’s clothes to sleep.
We could call it even
You could call me "babe" for the weekend
'Tis the damn season, write this down
I'm staying at my parents' house
And the road not taken looks real good now
He knew he couldn’t stay forever. He was a Death Eater and they were in the Order. They were enemies and they were to kill each other in the end.
But he couldn’t do it. He woke up and James was always there with a smile and a drink, they would talk — well James would talk and Regulus would listen — and then they would read a book together.
James was gentle with him, never mentioning the mark or his parents or even the war that they were now part of even if they didn’t want to be.
He wondered if he had been strong like Sirius if he was stronger he could have run before they cursed him for life. He wondered what being part of the Order would be like, not being a Death Eater, not being a murderer.
He wished he had told the Sorting Hat that he wanted to be a Gryffindor. He wanted to be strong. He wanted to be better.
But he didn’t and he knew he couldn’t go back and pick that path anymore.
Time flies
Messy as the mud on your truck tires
Now I'm missing your smile, hear me out
We could just ride around
How he longed to be in Hogwarts again, in the air with James laughing at his stunts. He longed for the wind in his face and the mud coating his shoes as he took off. Flying was freeing. Flying was perfect.
He wondered if James would fly with him again. If he could see that smile and hear that laugh again or if it was gone like the time in Hogwarts was.
And the road not taken looks real good now
And it always leads to you and my hometown
Regulus got up after three days in bed. He went outside and he breathed in the sharp air. His lungs burned but it was fucking perfect. He could not remember a day he felt like this that wasn’t in Hogwarts.
Mr and Mrs Potter still stayed far away but Regulus had spoken a few words to them, and they had told them he was staying with them. Regulus may have cried later about it but only James and him needed to know.
He wasn’t even remotely better but he wondered if he stayed if he could get better. If he could become like Sirius, if he could be strong like him.
He wanted to try and be strong.
Sleep in half the day
Just for old times' sake
I won't ask you to wait
If you don't ask me to stay
They slept in most days, waking when Sirius walked in and exclaimed that he needed attention. No one batted an eye when they continued to share a bed or when they were always beside each other.
But Regulus knew even if they liked him now they would grow to hate him. They would hate his parents first before hating him, then he would have to leave. He knew it was only a matter of time.
So I'll go back to LA
And the so-called friends who'll write books about me if I ever make it
He knew in the end he would go back to the Death Eaters, he would always go back because they were his family. He knew they never cared but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was abandoning them if he just left.
He knew the Death Eaters would most likely kill him when they found out where he had been but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
And wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I'm faking
And the heart I know I'm breaking is my own
To leave the warmest bed I've ever known
His heart would break but it would be for the best. He would never want to risk the Potters getting hurt for housing him. He needed to keep them safe. He needed James to be safe. He needed Sirius to be safe.
He knew James would be hurting and that only him and Sirius knew him well enough to tell when he was lying but he couldn’t bear the idea of them getting hurt.
We could call it even
Even though I'm leaving
And I'll be yours for the weekend
'Tis the damn season
He didn’t say goodbye when he left in the night. He didn’t take anything but his wand and himself. He had no clue how to apparate but he knew how to call the Knight Bus so that is what he did. He called the Bus and told them the address.
They were about to leave Godric's Hollow before someone got on behind him. James.
“Please don’t Reg.” Regulus looked away from the other boy, he couldn’t bring himself to look into those eyes. He couldn’t see him cry.
“I need to. You will be safe.” James walked closer and Regulus was frozen on the spot, unable to move until James pulled him into a hug. “I don’t want to. I want you.” He whispered the truth and James held him tighter.
“You have me. You always will.” James lived him off the Bus and they walked back to his house. Regulus cried silently as they entered.
Sirius was waiting for them, tears running down his own face and James pulled him into their hug.
“You are both safe. I would do anything for you.” James was holding them both and Regulus actually believed that he believed he was safe in James’ arms.
We could call it even
You could call me "babe" for the weekend
'Tis the damn season, write this down
I'm staying at my parents' house
And the road not taken looks real good now
Time flies
Messy as the mud on your truck tires
Now I'm missing your smile, hear me out
We could just ride around
And the road not taken looks real good now
And it always leads to you and my hometown
It always leads to you and my hometown
It had been four years since Regulus turned up in front of the Potters door. Three years since he became a Potter and only two years since James and him moved into a house with Sirius and Remus as their housemates. His mark had been covered with flowers of all kinds, drawn for him by Sirius and tattooed on by a nice muggle. They didn’t move but Regulus liked them like that.
He helped the Order take down Voldemort, and he was one of the driving forces in getting his family behind bars where they belonged.
He did take great pride in turning up to their trials with James’ hand in his and a smile on his face, they had lost and he had won.
James and he had adopted an orphaned baby by the name of Harry Potter, and they both loved him more than words could explain.
Regulus still remembered his past but he knew that when he needed help he had it with James. James was his love and the one who was there for him always.
James was his family.
James was his heart.
James was his soul.
James was his hometown.