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It was weird how a gift that had initially felt like such a great idea could seem so dumb when the moment of truth actually arrived.
As Len retrieved the box from his sock and underwear drawer—a place he was fairly sure that Cisco wouldn’t look; while Cisco loved stealing Len’s t-shirts and sweaters, they weren’t the kind of couple that shared underwear—he started to think that maybe he should just toss it out. Sentimentality had never been his strong suit, and he was always worried about overshooting things and coming across as mushy and idiotic.
Then again, he was probably well into “mushy and idiotic” territory by virture of what he’d bought for Cisco in the first place. It was a Christmas tree ornament—more specifically, a photo frame ornament, with a little trapdoor in the back where you could insert a picture so that the image would be visible from the front. However, unlike many of the plain or “Christmasy” frame ornaments that Len had seen over the years, this particular one was shaped like R2-D2 from Star Wars, and the spot for the picture took up most of the front of the droid’s body. The ornament wasn’t totally flat but it wasn’t fully three-dimensional, either; instead, it was maybe an inch thick and had both painted and molded details to give it depth.
Overall, the ornament was silly and a bit gimmicky, but when Len had seen it in the front window of a store at the Central City Mall, he’d immediately thought of Cisco. And he’d also known immediately which picture he would want to put in the frame. Lisa had been with Len at the time (she’d dragged him along to be her pack mule while she bought Christmas presents for everyone she knew), and as soon as she figured out what her older brother was looking at, she’d ginned. “Are you thinking about getting that for Cisco? Because I bet he’d like it. Come on—let’s go see how much it is!”
If he’d been by himself, he probably would have taken some time to think about it. But Lisa—who’d always loved the gift-giving aspect of the holidays—got extremely excited at the thought of Len buying Cisco something so “totally adorable,” and when a store employee informed them that the one in the window was actually the last one in the store, she’d insisted that Len buying it was “meant to be.” So Len had walked away with the ornament in a paper bag, as well as a tiny amount of anxiety in his gut. And that anxiety had gotten worse after he’d inserted his chosen photo into the frame, placed the ornament in a white gift box with silver tissue paper, tied the box closed with a royal blue ribbon, and stashed it away in a dresser drawer.
To Leonard Snart, planning heists was soothing instead of stressful, and running from the cops was exhilarating instead of scary. So why did the idea of giving his live-in boyfriend a sentimental Christmas present make him feel nervous instead of invigorated?
“Babe, are you coming back down here?” Cisco called from the lower level of their apartment, and based on the way his voice sounded, Len could assume that Cisco was standing at the foot of the stairs.
“Yeah, I’ve just gotta throw some clothes on,” Len replied, loud enough for Cisco to hear him. And that wasn’t a total lie, since he’d been in the process of putting on loungewear after a post-dinner shower when he’d found the box in his drawer and suddenly thought about giving it to Cisco early instead of waiting until Christmas morning.
“‘Kay. Just checking,” Cisco said. “You still wanna watch an episode of Cutthroat Kitchen, right?”
Len smiled, even though Cisco couldn’t see it. He’d somehow missed that show during its initial run, but Cisco had recently introduced him to it, and they were now slowly but surely making their way through all 15 seasons. “Yeah. Can you get it cued up for us? I’ll be down in a minute.”
“Sure thing!” Len then heard a noise like Cisco was padding away from the stairs and over to the couch.
With that, Len was back to staring at the box and having a crisis of confidence. Well, what’s the worst thing that could happen, really? he asked himself. It wasn’t like Cisco would physically attack him over a dumb Christmas present. And the ornament wasn’t something so heinous or potentially offensive that Cisco would kick Len out of the apartment or make him sleep on the couch for the rest of the week, either.
No, the worst thing that could realistically happen is that Cisco wouldn’t like it. He’d look at the present, and then he’d smile politely and kiss Len’s cheek and thank him for being “so sweet,” all the while trying—and failing—to keep the disappointment out of his eyes and voice. Like, “THIS is your idea of a special Christmas gift, Snart? You’d BETTER have something awesome for me to unwrap on the 25th!” Or, “Jeez, we live together and talk every single day, but you REALLY thought that I’d like this? Guess you don’t know me as well as I thought you did...”
Len huffed in aggravation. Buying the ornament while Lisa was with him had been a mistake, because now, there was no way he could just forget about the whole thing. Inevitably, Lisa would ask him what Cisco had thought of the gift, and Len would have no choice but to admit that he’d chickened out and returned it to the store. And lying wasn’t an option; eventually, Lisa would mention the ornament to Cisco, and he’d be confused, and then it would just be a huge mess.
It would also be a huge mess if Cisco, curious as to why the hell it was taking Len so long to get dressed, had actually walked in unexpectedly and seen him holding the gift box in his hand—or, worse, hastily shoving something into his underwear drawer and out of view.
No. It was always better to be in control of the situation, whatever that situation happened to be. And if Cisco was going to be disappointed by the gift, it would be better for him to feel disappointed now than on Christmas morning.
Before he could change his mind, Len shut the dresser drawer, exited his bedroom, and walked down the stairs with the gift box clutched in his hand. Cisco was stretched out across the couch in the living room, clad in a comfy t-shirt (heather gray, crewneck, “AUTOCORRECT CAN GO TO HE’LL” written in black letters) and boxers. When he heard Len arrive, he glanced up, but he didn’t seem to notice that Len was carrying anything.
“There you are,” Cisco quipped. “I was starting to think that you’d slipped out the fire escape, or something.” He gestured to the TV with the remote. “Okay, so, this episode? If it’s the one I think it is, then it’s really good. Alton Brown does something truly horrible to a plate of huevos rancheros.”
“Can’t wait to see it,” Len said. Then, he inhaled, steeling himself for what he was about to do. “So, I got something for you,” he started, trying to sound casual. “Ya know. A Christmas present.”
Cisco laughed, his eyes still on the TV. “Yeah, I got you something, too. I hid it in a secret place, though. You’ll never find it.”
“Is it in your personal storage room at S.T.A.R. Labs?” Len asked flatly.
At that question, Cisco flinched. He then turned to Len with a frown on his face. “Lucky guess, dude,” he huffed. “But you’d better not go snooping. As a second line of defense, I booby-trapped the hiding place. If you blow up your present, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.”
There was something about Cisco’s sour expression that Len couldn’t help but laugh at. “Fine, I won’t try to peek. Promise.” As he plopped down on the couch next to Cisco, he said, “But...this is the kind of Christmas present you should open early.”
“Oh? I should?” Cisco said. For the first time, he actually regarded the gift box. There was intrigue in his brown eyes.
“Yeah. You’ll understand why when you see it.”
“Okay.” Cisco took a moment to grab the remote and turn off the TV. Then, he reached for the box. “This is a nice bow. Did you tie it yourself?”
“Yeah,” Len said, hoping that he didn’t sound as apprehensive as he felt.
“Cool. I’ve really never been good at wrapping gifts, so I apologize in advance if the stuff I got you winds up looking like a fourth grader went nuts with paper and tape...”
Would you just open it already?! Len wanted to shout. But he kept his mouth shut and channeled his anxiety into digging his fingers into his thighs. Even if sentimentality wasn’t his thing, staying cool under pressure definitely was.
After what felt like an eternity, Cisco untied the ribbon that was keeping the box closed. He then very carefully lifted up the lid and pushed aside the tissue paper. It seemed to take a second for him to understand what he was seeing. But then…
Len processed Cisco’s reaction in slow motion. First, Cisco’s eyes widened, and Len could swear that he saw the guy’s pupils dilate. Then, Cisco’s jaw dropped in surprise. And after that, his whole face parted into a real, genuine grin.
Those were all good signs. So was the fact that, when Cisco finally spoke, his voice came out in a delighted shriek: “Oh, my God! Len, this is SO freakin’ cute!”
Relief flooded Len’s chest, sending a surge of warmth through his entire body—not unlike swallowing a mouthful of hot cocoa on a freezing cold day. “You think so?”
“Of course I do!” Cisco said. He reached for the figurine in the box and lifted it out to get a better look. As he did so, the silver string looped through an eyelet at the top of the ornament tumbled into view. “Oh, it’s a Christmas tree ornament!” he exclaimed. “I thought it was, like, a refrigerator magnet! But an ornament is so much better!” He looked at Len. “Where did you even find this?!”
“At a pop-up store in the mall,” Len said. “I was shopping with Lisa, and I saw that, and I thought you’d get a kick out of it.” He shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. “I just...this is our first Christmas living together, and that picture’s from our first holiday party, so I thought we should...maybe…have a keepsake?” He was suddenly back to worrying that he sounded stupid. At the end of the day, that ornament was a hunk of plastic with a photo of them slapped inside—not exactly the kind of heirloom you pass onto your descendents.
And yet…
“You’re absolutely right. And this is totally perfect,” Cisco said. He brought the ornament up to his face, and Len thought that Cisco was examining the details on the R2-D2 figurine until he realized that Cisco was actually gazing at the picture Len had seen fit to stick inside the ornament.
In the photo, Cisco and Len were standing side by side with their arms on each other’s shoulders, obviously “together.” However, they weren’t looking in the same direction; Len was glancing off to the side, while Cisco looked straight forward. And while Len was flashing the normal smirk he always put on whenever he knew someone was trying to take his picture, Cisco was smiling—really, truly smiling, with both his mouth and his eyes.
Like Len had said, the photo had been taken at their holiday party (“It’s NOT a ‘Christmas Party!’” Cisco had insisted whenever someone made that mistake. “Len’s Jewish, so we’re celebrating Hanukkah AND Christmas!”), which had been attended by both Team Flash and a few of the Rogues. And their dissonant points of focus were the result of two people trying to take their picture at the same time. Hartley Rathaway had seen Cisco and Len standing against one wall, checking in with each other about the status of their guests (and debating whether or not they should open up another bag of cheese puffs), and he decided he wanted a photo of them being “the portrait of domestic bliss.” After he said that, Caitlin Snow had said that she wanted to get a picture of the two of them, as well.
Both Caitlin and Hartley had gotten out their phones, but Hartley beat her to the punch. So Len and Cisco posed for Hartley, Len smirking and Cisco smiling. And just as Hartley was trying to keep Axel Walker from grabbing his phone and taking a picture (presumably with a dumb, cartoony filter), Killer Frost had popped out long enough to say, “Hey, Mr. Ramon and Mr. Snart-Ramon—Caity doesn’t have all day!”
She’d made that quip so that they would both turn and look at her, but maybe because Len was better friends with Hartley and Axel than he was with Caitlin, he continued to look at Hartley. Cisco, however, immediately shifted his focus to Caitlin, and she had proceeded to take a picture.
Once Hartley and Axel stopped arguing, Len turned to Caitlin and let her take another photo of himself and Cisco—one where they were both looking at her. But when all was said and done, when their guests had left and Len was checking out the pictures that had been taken during the event...he had found the one where he’d been eyeing Hartley and Axel while Cisco was facing Caitlin, and he’d been intrigued at just how genuinely happy Cisco looked. He was smiling in all of the pictures, of course, but in that particular photo…
Cisco had been slightly embarrassed when Len pointed it out to him, especially after Len asked if he’d really been that stoked by the idea of Len being “Mr. Leonard Snart-Ramon.” But, as Cisco explained, it was much more than that.
***
“No, ‘cuz I wouldn’t expect for you to take my name if we got married. Uh, not that I’m even THINKING about us getting married!” Cisco said. His second sentence had been added quickly while he twisted the dishrag he was holding in his fingers. “I just...when she said that...it kinda made me think about where I am.”
“Well, this apartment IS a lot nicer than the places we both used to have,” Len replied. He looked out the window, which provided a great view of downtown Central City. Their apartment wasn’t on the top floor of the building, but it had a patio, and before the weather had gotten cold, they’d started occasionally eating dinner or sipping wine while sitting outside.
“No, no, it’s not JUST the apartment,” Cisco said, rolling his eyes. “I mean…” He exhaled and pushed some of his hair out of his face, like he was having trouble putting his thoughts into words. “Overall, I actually really like my life right now? I’ve got a nice place to live, a job I adore, friends who are basically family, and someone who loves me.”
“Somebody loves you? Neat—is it anyone I know?” Len joked, because Cisco had caught him off-guard with his sincerity, and Len’s knee-jerk reaction to such things was to be smarmy.
Cisco threw the towel at him. “Asshole,” he said, though the chuckle in his voice made it clear he wasn’t offended. “For real, though: I know we’re not the most...NORMAL couple in the world. And the history between us isn’t exactly the stuff of Hollywood rom-coms. But right here, right now? This is one of the healthiest relationships I’ve ever been in. I never, in a million years, would have thought that I’d wind up with you. It’s all totally nuts.” He pointed to Len’s phone, where the picture of the two of them was still pulled up on the screen. “So...I guess...when Frost called you ‘Mr. Snart-Ramon’...it just made me think about how happy I am now, and how much I want for what you and I have together to last.” Cisco swallowed, now obviously embarrassed. “Does that sound dumb?”
“No, of course it doesn’t,” Len said. Again, he hadn’t been expecting such sincerity when he’d just been teasing. He’d thought that this conversation was going to end with him asserting that HE wouldn’t be Leonard Snart-Ramon, though Cisco COULD be Cisco Ramon-Snart if he was really itching to fill out a bunch of tedious paperwork. What was Len supposed to say to such a heartfelt confession? “It’s...sweet.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “I mean, I just like this picture because I look like a total badass, and you look like a little ball of sunshine. That captures our personalities perfectly, ya know?”
Cisco had snorted with amusement at that comment, and to his credit, he hadn’t pressed Len to go any deeper than that. But a few hours later, when they were in bed, and Cisco was asleep with his arm draped over Len’s chest and his head nestled against Len’s shoulder, Len stared at the ceiling and really contemplated all that Cisco had said. And it occurred to him that...well, he was happy, too. Happy to be living in that apartment, happy to have so many people he could consider friends, and—perhaps above all else—happy to be with Cisco.
Len was certain that he didn’t deserve the love of someone as genuinely kind and loyal and sweet as Cisco Ramon. How could he, when he’d spent the vast majority of his time on Earth being a total scoundrel, and he’d actually hurt Cisco (and the people Cisco cared about) on multiple occasions? But things were different now. If he could contribute to the smile on Cisco’s face—if he could help create the kind of life that would make Cisco look at a camera and flash an expression of utter contentedness and joy...then maybe there was some hope for Len, after all?
That was the moment when the first picture that Caitlin had taken of them had officially become Len’s favorite photo of him and Cisco together. He’d told Cisco as much the next morning, when they were picking out pictures to send to friends who’d been invited to the party but couldn’t make it for one reason or another. When Cisco asked him why he liked it so much, though, Len had just shrugged and repeated his comment that it captured their personalities well.
***
Cisco would never know why that photo—as opposed to all of the other photos of the two of them that currently existed in the world—was so meaningful to Len. Or maybe he would figure it out someday. Or, hell, perhaps he’d already figured it out. Regardless of his thought process, after spending a few seconds looking at the picture, Cisco suddenly lurched in Len’s direction and threw his arms around him, practically tackling Len with a hug. “Thank you. Thank you so much, Babe,” he murmured. He was still holding the ornament in one hand.
Len wrapped his arms around Cisco, too. All the anxiety he’d been feeling for the past few minutes was gone, and Len was almost annoyed that he’d let himself be nervous at all. “You’re welcome. I’m glad you like it.”
“No, I love it. And...I love you.” Cisco tilted his head upward so that he could plant a kiss on Len’s chin.
“I love you, too.”
They reclined like that for a few minutes, holding each other and letting the comfortable silence speak for them. Finally, Cisco pulled away. “Can I put it on the tree? Or do you wanna do the honors?”
“It’s your gift. You put it on the tree,” Len replied, sitting up.
Cisco grinned, then hopped to his feet and walked across the room to where they’d set up their Christmas tree. It was already decorated with lights and baubles and tinsel, but they hadn’t sprung for any novelty ornaments that year, so R2-D2 stood out in sharp contrast once Cisco hung it on a branch near their Star of David tree-topper.
(“We don’t actually NEED to get a Hannukah-themed decoration for our Christmas tree,” Len had said when Cisco had found the tree-topper at HomeGoods and plopped it into their shopping cart. Cisco had responded that, yeah, sure, they didn’t need it, but it didn’t “seem fair” to him that they’d have the Christmas tree up for almost a month but the menorah only got to be on display for eight nights. And while Len had thought about telling him that it really wasn’t a matter of fairness, he was honestly pretty touched that Cisco was serious about celebrating both holidays, so he hadn’t argued the matter any further.)
Once Cisco had slipped the ornament into place, Len got off the couch and sauntered over, eventually standing right behind Cisco and wrapping his arms around him from behind. As they both admired their new addition, Len said, “So, is that actually where you want it to be? Or is that just as high as you could reach without standing on a chair?”
“Oh, shut up!” Cisco groaned, though he was laughing. “Why do you have to make a snide remark and ruin the mood every time we’re having a moment?”
“Are we having a moment?” Len said. He tried to sound surprised.
“You know we are, dumbass!” Cisco was now cackling so hard he was practically swaying in Len’s arms.
“Here’s my question: why do our moments always involve you calling me rude names? Also, why the hell are you laughing so much? I know I’m hilarious and charming, but what I said just now wasn’t that funny.” Len kissed the top of Cisco’s head, then nuzzled at his hair. Cisco hadn’t showered since before breakfast, so a smell that was unmistakably him filled Len’s nose. It was the same scent that lingered on their linens, and the one that often greeted Len when he woke up from a nap on the couch to find Cisco in the process of settling in next to him. If Len could, he would bottle the smell and keep it on-hand for whenever Cisco pulled an all-nighter at S.T.A.R. Labs and their bed felt empty.
Cisco shook his head. The grin on his face hadn’t budged. “I don’t know. I think...I think I’m just laughing because I’m happy? I’m really happy right now?” With Len’s arms still around him, he turned around to look Len in the eye. “You told me that that was one of your favorite pictures of us, right?”
“It is.”
“Well...now, it’s definitely in my Top 5.” Cisco turned back around and then reached for Len’s wrists, gripping them gently with his fingers. “But maybe someday, we’ll have so many happy memories and great photos that I’ll have to have a Top 20? Or maybe even a Top 100?” He looked at the ornament again. “That one will always have a place of honor, though. No doubt about it.”
Len smiled. He would give Cisco a new picture frame ornament every single year if doing so would always bring them this much joy.
The End