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At the age of thirty-two, Seokjin should’ve enjoyed partying on New Years Eve. Him being a bachelor with no kids holding him back, nonetheless. However, that is not the case at all. He did look forward to a party last year, but this year? He’d honestly rather fly over to the Sahara Desert to enjoy his solitude.
As a marketer, Seokjin knows that he has the capability to market himself. He could sell out a new product launch in less than an hour, for goodness’s sake! With a face like his and personalities that he could flaunt as his value proposition, Seokjin could find someone available in the market with a snap of his fingers. Also, he’s incredibly successful in what he does, making it practically impossible for people not to know who he is.
There’s one thing that he currently does not have in him in order to enjoy that year end party: a willingness. Or maybe a healed heart that’s ready to mingle and have fun with strangers.
Last year, he had someone to kiss during the fireworks show. He could cling into an actual person and have an actual pleasant humane conversation that is not even slightly laced with work projects. He had someone who paid attention to him all night, making sure he was having fun. Last year, he had someone other than his group of friends that made the corporate party more fun than what it was.
It had been four months since the break up and Seokjin had not moved on at all. They had been dating for nearly two years at that point--October should’ve been their second anniversary. Yet, they broke up at the end of August and to be honest, Seokjin feels stupid about it. He was the one who asked for a break up because he felt that the relationship was too calm. He had said that he needed someone more challenging and adventurous. If the present Seokjin could smack the head of past Seokjin, he definitely would.
That is precisely why, in this current passage of time, he loathes Jung Hoseok. That epitome of a sunshine is now a grim reaper for him. Ready to suck his soul dry. All because the said human is now rummaging around Seokjin’s closet in search of ‘mouth-watering’ party clothes.
Seokjin’s calm and peaceful evening of carefully planned night-in was interrupted when a loud and persistent knock bothered him. He had pretended to be asleep for fifteen minutes and Hoseok didn’t give up. He bombarded Seokjin’s phone with tons of calls, making it impossible for him to scroll his twitter feed. He gave up eventually and stood up to answer the door, revealing a very put-together friend/co-worker.
“You’re coming with me and that is on period, sir!” Hoseok had shouted over his shoulder as he made his way into Seokjin’s closet.
“Ohh, no, no, no. I did tell you that I ordered lots of snacks for tonight and I very much planned to marathon my latest drama, thank you. You can leave and enjoy the rest of your night. Good bye!” Seokjin dragged Hoseok by his left arm to the direction of his apartment door.
“Lame! You’re thirty-two! Live up a little, man! It's a new year. New year, new me, yeah?” Hoseok tried to argue while also struggling with Seokjin’s grip on his arm.
“Exactly! I’m thirty-two! I’d rather have a glass of expensive wine in my pajamas and the comfort of my apartment than in a tight suit with tons of people I barely know!” Seokjin complained.
“You’re thirty-two and that’s why you need to get laid! You’re coming with me, no complaints are allowed. I will pick your clothes and you just have to put it on. Or I can help you put it on!”
“Absolutely not!”
“Suit yourself then. It’s your loss!” Hoseok had the audacity to wink at red-faced Seokjin. He sauntered back inside and continued his quest inside Seokijn’s closet, trying to find the most scandalous yet appropriate outfit that the closet possibly held.
“A-ha! You can wear this! I bet you’re gonna be a show-stealer in this!” Hoseok threw a few accumulation of clothes into his arms, all in various shades of black.
“Isn’t this a bit too gloomy for a New Year's party?”
“Nah. Everyone will try to look formal anyway. It’ll just be filled with a lot of corporate people in black and white. You gotta wear something that conforms to the norms, but also not exactly the norm, you get what I’m saying?”
“Honestly? Zero.”
“Alright, whatever. Put it on, sweetie!” Hoseok pushed Seokjin into the direction of the bathroom and urged him to change. “Ten minutes tops! I’ll do your hair, don’t worry!”
Hoseok’s idea of conforming to the norm but not really consists of loose dress pants that still hugs his waist snugly, a see through t-shirt with ruffles in the front and a few sparkling sequins along the neckline, and topped with an open jacket that covers almost all of the see through t-shirt. All in black.
Seokjin had to agree with Hoseok on this though. Even if he’s not looking forward to a party where everything bores him, this outfit is amazing on him and he might be able to catch a few eyes in this. No one will really know what’s underneath the t-shirt, all of them would just get a glimpse of the vastness of his torso.
“Are you done, princess?” Hoseok’s voice could be heard close by.
“Yeah, yeah, hold up!” Seokjin checked out his outfit last minute before he stepped out of the bathroom.
“Damn, my dude! You look ravishing. If you go home at all tonight, everyone’s blind for sure,” Hoseok had outright whistling when Seokjin stepped out of his bathroom.
“Come on, let me do your hair real quick and then we’re off to where the fun’s at!”
--
Crowds are not really Seokjin’s thing. Especially those filled with people he doesn’t really know. Last year was bearable because he had his boyfriend and his friends with him. They made the party turn out better than his expectations. This year though, there’s only him and Hoseok. The latter is definitely the life of a party, so he had no trouble sauntering here and there, offering his smile to people looking his way while raising his glass in silent cheers. Seokjin, on the other hand, had bowed politely to people glancing his way and silently making his way to the open bar. Though he could definitely feel dozens of eyes staring as if they were trying to create holes in him.
Seokjin could be a marketer, all charming and persuasive when he needs to. A New Year’s party definitely doesn’t have the same urgency as closing a deal with a brand, so he wasn't even going to try to market himself tonight. He could just sit on the bar stool all night, sipping his tequila slowly until Hoseok decided it’s time to go home. That’s it and he would be met with his own bed at the end of the night.
“One tequila, please. Chilled!” Seokjin called after the bartender who immediately busied himself making the drink.
“Thanks!” Seokjin grabbed the cold glass after the bartender served it in front of him. He sipped the drink slowly, feeling the coldness of the liquid on his tongue and burned down his throat afterward. He wasn’t planning to get drunk tonight, so he drank super slowly as he observed the crowd.
Hoseok had vanished into thin air five minutes into the party, leaving Seokjin confused as to why he had even bothered to drag Seokjin out of his warm bed. It’s not like Hoseok will be bored at the party. He literally was the star of the party. His ability to make conversation left and right is astonishing, to be quite frank.
The place was packed with people, some even spilled out into the balcony outside to enjoy a bit of the chilly night air. A wise choice, if Seokjin should say so himself. The air inside the room is so stuffy and he’s sweating profusely in his jacket. He could not easily take it off because of the see through undershirt, so he had to bear the heat.
Seokjin stood up from the bar stool and made his way to the balcony, setting his sight on the empty bench on the far left of the area. If he couldn’t have his solitude in a Saharan desert, being alone at a party is good enough. As long as no one bothered him, he would be fine.
He was 5 steps away from the door when a voice came up behind him.
“Jin?”
Seokjin stopped dead on his track. This voice. He knew this voice so damn well. Four months of separation did nothing to his memory of this man, after all. If any, everything is even more enhanced when said man is not even present anymore.
Seokjin must be hallucinating. There are tons of people who would have similar voices, right? It can’t just be him?
Seokjin is half-afraid to turn back and face his fear. If only it was proper and he actually had the space to run, he definitely would. There’s no way he’d willingly run into his ex-boyfriend in a new year’s party while being as pathetic as he was.
“Um, hi?” Seokjin croaked out.
“Hi! So, it is you! Eh, you look amazing as always,” Namjoon sputtered.
“Surprise! It is me! You don’t look too bad yourself, Joon,” Seokjin answered awkwardly. Namjoon is sporting an all black look as well. Just like Hoseok said, most of the party guests do. Namjoon looks amazing though. In a fitted black sweatshirt, tight-fitting black dress pants, and a long black coat, Namjoon looks ravishing, if Seokjin is still allowed to say so.
“What happened to your no-party-while-single rule? Are you coming here with someone?” Namjoon asked.
“Ah, that. Hoseok dragged me here, saying that I should not be alone in my apartment on New Year’s Eve. If I may quote the man himself, ‘Lame!’” Seokjin made air quotations, trying to say that if it were up to him, he’d be perfectly fine munching on drumsticks, drinking wine from the bottle, and crying over his TV dramas instead of partying here. He even added an awkward laugh after to try to ease the mood.
“And what? You gave up easily instead of fighting nail and tooth to convince him to let you stay in?” Namjoon teased.
“Well, it wasn’t like I voluntarily dragged myself here. I would rather smother myself on a pillow and be on my merry way to the dreamland,” Seokjin rambled.
“So, my initial question, are you coming here by yourself then?” Namjoon was persistent. And for what, Seokjin didn’t want to look too much into it.
“Technically, I came here with Hoseok and that little devil left me alone, so in reality, yes, I’m very much alone,” Seokjin rattled on.
Before Namjoon even replied to the sudden outburst, Seokjin had spoken up, “If you don’t mind, I might need to leave because my legs are freezing and I would like to be seated in case it snapped.” With that final remark, Seokjin sauntered off to the bench that he had set his eyes on. Luckily no one claimed the seat while he was talking nonsense with his ex-boyfriend.
His whole face was red and he had to thank the cool breeze for blowing at the right time. He desperately needed to calm down.
How are you supposed to act if you accidentally ran into your ex? In a new year’s party nonetheless. Also, being as apparent as Seokjin was that he has not moved on yet. Pretty pathetic, don’t you agree?
Seokjin’s mind had wandered to the time when they were together. How effortless and easy everything was. Namjoon was the picture perfect boyfriend that everyone wishes for. He was so understanding, caring, and loving. Seokjin feels very stupid to let all that go just because he was slightly bored. He wanted something more adventurous and fun in their relationship. Like a spontaneous amusement park date in the middle of the week or a surprise dinner every other weekend. Small things, really. Namjoon was too cautious in the relationship, never wanting to cross the boundaries and relatively unsure of what he could do to make a surprise for Seokjin. Now that Seokjin thought about it, the matter could be easily solved if he had talked to Namjoon instead of breaking up with him.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
Speaking of the devil, the one person that was on Seokjin’s mind had once again materialized beside him. Namjoon nursed a glass of a blue drink that Seokjin would not even question what’s inside and sat beside him with ease.
"Uhm, what are you doing?" Seokjin asked skeptically.
"Sitting? And drinking whatever this is?" Namjoon crooked one eyebrow to his glass. Apparently he had no idea what he was even drinking. Typical.
"You still drink anything that the bartender gave you? Are you insane? What if you get poisoned? Hauled somewhere, murdered, and whoever murder you then tossed your body somewhere in a deep river then you will be missing bexause no one will be able to find your body?"
"Whoaa, easy there. Yes, I accept whatever the bartender made because he said he had made a new concoction, but no one was willing to try it, so I offered to do so. And, I watched him making it with alcohol and syrup, absolutely poison-free. Happy?" Namjoon answered. His eyes crinkled from the amusement over Seokjin's rant.
Seokjin blushed. He had unknowingly told his ex-boyfriend off for being irrational. Who in this world accepts a drink that he doesn't even know what's inside? Namjoon does, apparently. And on a weekly basis or whenever a bartender offered to make him something special.
"You don't usually drink though?" Seokjin asked. That's true, Namjoon is lightweight and he usually avoids drinking at parties. He becomes way too clingy to his drinking buddy once he gets wasted.
"This is my first glass, so I think I will be fine. Plus, I need the liquid courage," Namjoon answered easily.
"For?" Seokjin questioned curiously. It's not everyday that Namjoon needs liquid courage.
"Talking to you, dumbo," Namjoon flicked Seokjin's forehead fondly.
"But you were already talking to me though?" Seokjin asked, unfazed by the forehead flicking because it didn't hurt at all.
"Yeah, I was trembling the whole time. Hence, this," Namjoon raised his glass in a mock salute, "is very needed."
"Why? It's just me?"
"You make me nervous, okay? Exactly because it's you."
"Should I leave then? If I make you nervous? But you're the one coming here, so it's like you tortured your body by yourself," Seokjin rambled.
"No, no. You should stay. All the other seats are full and I hate the stuffy room inside, so I sat here because there was an opening? Should I leave if you're uncomfortable?" Namjoon inquired.
"Nah, you can stay. Just stay quiet though," Seokjin answered, acting as if he didn't care when he was very much aware of Namjoon being in his closest proximity.
"That, I can do," Namjoon jokingly zipped up his lips and threw the nonexistent key away.
Seokjin smiled and just stared ahead to the vast dark sky above them.
Namjoon, staying true to his word, had stayed quiet and began to observe Seokjin. He's much more beautiful to look at than the starless night sky after all. No mortal can blame Namjoon for gazing at Seokjin like he wanted to devour the other. If such beauty exists, one should simply do their best to enjoy it while it lasts, right?
"Stop staring at me like that," Seokjin spoke out loud, breaking the calm silence between them.
"Like what?"
"Like you want to devour me."
"I do," Namjoon answered nonchalantly.
Seokjin stayed quiet. The moment felt too fragile. The party was very much buzzing with life. Laughter and glass clinking can be heard everywhere, yet here they are, sharing a moment of silence.
"Why?" Seokjin asked quietly. Namjoon almost can't hear it in the midst of the party's chaos.
"Jin, why did you break up with me?" Namjoon asked back.
Seokjin knew that this question would pop up sooner if he ever meet Namjoon again, and here he was, being asked the very question that he doesn't even dare to answer.
"I don't know," Seokjin answered meekly.
"You don't know?" Namjoon let out a breathy laugh, almost as if he wanted to be sarcastic.
"I guess I was bored, but that seems stupid now that I say it out loud," Seokjin answered quietly, almost like if he could keep it to himself and never say it ouy loud, he would do just that. Saying it outloud means admitting that he was being unreasonable and stupid. Selfish.
Namjoon sighed and sipped from his glass. He stayed quiet, but his eyes never leaving Seokjin.
"I miss you, you know. Nothing ever was the same without you," Seokjin whispered after some time, breaking whatever spell surrounding them. He starred ahead instead of at Namjoon, trying to hold his tears from falling.
The truth is, Seokjin regretted the break up so bad. He wanted to apologize, but he didn't have the bravery. He knew, after some time and several lectures from his closest friends, that he was incredibly stupid for breaking up with Namjoon.
"I miss you too," Namjoon answered fondly. "I went crazy when you broke up with me, thinking that I did something that made you mad or you were cheating from me. I was imagining the worst thing."
"I am so sorry. I was acting stupid and childish. Instead of talking to you, I took a simple matter and made it big," Seokjin lowered his head in shame. He had no idea that Namjoon wasn't coping well with the break up. Nor did he. He couldn't sleep, he lost his appetite, he was missing Namjoon so bad.
"10...9...8…" there were shouting behind them. Almost all of the party guests had spilled outside into the balcony.
"May I kiss you?" Namjoon asked, gazing hopefully at Seokjin who were holding his breath.
"5...4...3…"
"Yeah."
"1...Happy new year!"
Seokjin felt something warm pressed against his lips as the fireworks went off. Namjoon's hands were cradling his jaws tightly as if he didn't want to let Seokjin go.
"Happy new year, love," Namjoon said sweetly to Seokjin. His breath is haggard and his word came out breathy.
"Happy new year," Seokjin answered and proceed to press a chaste kiss to Namjoon's lips.
"Do you still want your pajamas and drink wine from the bottle?" Namjoon teased.
"Honestly? Yes," Seokjin answered cheekily.
"Up then. Let's go! Your place," Namjoon hauled Seokjin up and intertwined their fingers properly before dragging him out to the parking lot.
Seokjin imagined that Jung Hoseok will shriek like a banshee if he ever found out that Seokjin didn't come home alone. Seokjin smiled happily nonetheless.