Chapter Text
It’s been a little more than a week since Bernadetta joined the Blue Lion's House, and even though the first day she accidentally sat next to Luca’s spot, she hasn’t left it even for one day. Every day of class, while most people change seat from day to day, Luca and Bernadetta would punctually sit on the exact same chairs at the same desk every single day. It didn’t take too long for the other members of the Blue Lion to notice how the two most shy people in the monastery became a lot more easygoing when in eachother's company. It was obviously too early to assume there were some feelings between the two, in fact not even them, knew one another enough for letting those kind of sentiments to be born. Although Bernadetta and Luca weren’t the most social people in general, they became friends rather quickly.
That day Professor Byleth just finished an interesting lesson about exploiting the battlefield terrain to get the advantage over the enemy, when Luca, without saying a word, packed his backpack in a hurry and left the classroom. It wasn’t an unusual behaviour for his classmates who already had some time to get accustomed to his ways. Bernadetta, instead, was quite surprised, from the very first time they met, she never saw him act that way. She was used to see Luca joking, laughing, or simply being kind, so that behaviour of his gave Bernadetta a bit of preoccupation.
Left in doubt, Bernadetta decided to head back to her room, she was definitely too afraid to ask the others for some informations, fearing she would come up as annoying or meddlesome for something so little. Once in her room, Bernadetta continued to embroid the carnivorous plant she was making.
A couple hours later, Bernadetta was trying a new combination of colours for a painting when she overheard her classmates passing by her room.
(Ashe):”… so, about today’s class, there’s a part I quite didn’t understand, why should you account for the wind direction when you’re throwing boulders with a catapult? Isn’t the boulder a bit too heavy to get diverted by the wind?”
(Annette):”Well, if the wind is the result of a spell it’s quite obvious, but the Professor explicitly said that the opponent army didn’t have mages. Did Luca tell you something?”
(Ashe):”No. Actually he wasn’t at today’s training session and I thought both of you were studying together in the library.”
(Annette):”I studied with Mercie in the hall today, I haven’t seen him since class. It’s not his habit to skip training and studying at the same time.”
(Ashe):”Maybe he's just sick and needs some rest. We should ask him tomorrow before class, maybe he figured it out.”
(Annette):”Definitely. Shall we go to the dining hall? I'm starving!”
(Ashe):”Ladies first!”
Bernadetta didn’t agree with Ashe, Luca didn’t look ill at all. With more curiosity than worry, Bernadetta waited for no one to be around to open her door and sneak away. She had absolutely no hint on where he could possibly be, but her recluse-senses suggested that, as she herself usually does, Luca might just be inside his room hiding away from anyone.
The breeze of the wind in her hair reminded her of what she was doing. She was outside her room, in the danger zone, at the mercy of waves of strangers. Her fear was strong enough to freeze her on the spot, she was about 15 meters away from the greenhouse. Why was she doing that? Why was she bothering going outside just because of a boy she met just recently, who acted in a way she was so much familiar with? Bernadetta’s response to all those questions was to not snoop in other people's businesses and opt for a tactical retreat. As swift as wind, Bernadetta returned inside her room and slammed the door behind her. Her heart was pounding ever so fast for the incredible sprint she had just performed, not only that, but the mixture of fear and curiosity turned her into a kettle, ready to explode. Bernadetta took multiple very long, deep, breaths, before finally calming down to the point of being able to think again clearly, although her blood was still boiling from the tiny adventure. After a miserable attempt, the little recluse was almost certain that she didn’t have enough willpower to try one more time, but deep down she was still curious. What if that guy was actually just like her? Could he be the first person in the monastery to fully understand her? And how was it possible for them to have such a chemistry between them after knowing each other for a short period of time? Bernadetta was steaming hot for the curiosity, so once she swallowed her fear and focused solely on her curiosity, Bernadetta collected herself to venture again outside. She walked down to the greenhouse with a determination nobody, even Bernadetta, never saw in her. At the greenhouse, Bernadetta turned right in direction of the apartments in the back rows. Once there, Bernadetta got caught by a terrible thought :”Where was Luca’s room?” The once-in-a-lifetime determined Bernie left to be replaced by the easily-frightened everyday Bernie. Like a castaway on an unknown island in the ocean, Bernadetta felt lost in front of all those rooms. The only idea that came to her mind was to knock on every single door until she would eventually find the desired one, however, Bernadetta was definitely not in the mood of copeing with the embarrassment of talking to several strangers. Finding herself completely out of her habitat, Bernie decided it was time to give up when two students came from behind her.
(Ingrid):”Bernadetta, what are you doing here?”
(Bernadetta):”Aaaahhhh please don’t kill me! Let me drown silently in this faraway ocean!”
(Sylvain):”A faraway ocean? Where? In the monastery? You have a very vivid imagination Bernadetta.”
(Bernadetta):”Huh? I-ingrid and Sylvain? I swear I wasn’t spying on anyone! Stupid Bernie! Now they’re going to report to the Professor how impertinent you are! What do I have to do to buy your silence? Please have mercy on meee!”
(Ingrid):”Calm down Bernadetta, nobody is accusing you of anything, we were just surprised to see you here.”
(Sylvain):”It’s not common to see you outside of your own free will. But I guess we should leave you to your snooping. 😉”
(Bernadetta):”Wait! Can I ask you something? Wh-where is… where is Luca's room?”
(Ingrid):”Ah! You were looking for Luca! His room is that one over there, the third to last of this row. Anyway I don’t think you’ll find him there, I'm positive he's still studying with Annette and Mercedes in the main hall.”
(Bernadetta):”Ehm, actually, I heard Annette saying Luca didn’t study with her today…. So I thought he was in his room.”
(Ingrid):”Luca skipping both training AND study? He must be sick, we should definitely check on him.”
(Sylvain):”Whoa, whoa, easy there! Maybe our friend just went by himself to town, there’s no need to worry this much!”
(Ingrid):”In any case, is better safe than sorry to check if he’s in his room. If he’s not there than you're maybe right Sylvain. Let’s go.”
(Bernadetta):”Ehm… I'm coming too…”
The trio reached Luca’s door and Ingrid knocked on it.
(Ingrid):”Luca, Are you in there?”
Ingrid’s question was followed by a brief silence, broken by the occupant of the room.
(Luca):”Yes, what is it?”
Luca seemed rather bored, some could say even a bit sad.
(Ingrid):”You didn’t come to today’s training session, and nobody else saw you today. Are you feeling unwell?”
(Luca):”I’m fine guys, don’t worry.”
(Sylvain):”Are you sure ? You left class without saying a word.”
(Luca):” For real, I'm totally fine, there’s no need to worry about me.”
(Sylvain):” Cheer up! We're heading to town, why don’t you come with us? This will bring your mood up!”
(Luca):”My mood is okay, again, I'm fine. I’m just a bit tired, I just need some rest and tomorrow I will be charged up. Don't worry about me, leave me alone and I'll be fine.”
(Ingrid):”Okay Luca, we'll leave you be. Have a good rest. See you tomorrow…”
(Luca):”Goodbye Ingrid, goodbye Sylvain.”
(Sylvain):”Goodbye Luca.”
Ingrid and Sylvain left without hiding their worries for Luca, since they had no idea why he was acting in such way. A bit of disappointment echoed between the two; Luca was obviously sad, and he felt like he was trying very hard to push them away without hurting their feelings; they definitely didn’t understand why was he so eager to be left alone. Hanging out with friends is always relaxing, isn’t it?
Bernadetta was quite amazed. For once she experienced the everyday “Bernadetta get out of your room” scene from the other perspective. It felt strange to not come up with excuses or explain why she was better left alone. This experience also helped her understand the feelings of those who knock on her door. Even if she didn’t speak a word, Bernadetta was actually worried for Luca, and still wanted to understand what was going on with him, to understand if they really were two sweets of the same box.
(Bernadetta):”I-I'm going back… I need to see a thing… ehm… bye!”
Ingrid and Sylvain were left without words by Bernadetta’s quick backtrack. They hoped that maybe she would have been able to drag Luca out of his room, or at least get him to actually explain what was wrong.
That was definitely easier said than done. Being used to be the one to always hide in the room, Bernadetta was positive she could find the correct words to get Luca to open the door. On the doorway, Bernadetta, having noticed Luca getting annoyed by the knock, leaned her head towards the keyhole.
(Bernadetta):”Luca… Lucaaa… ca-can you hear me?”
(Luca):”Eh? Who’s there?... Bernadetta?!? Is that really you?”
Of the entire population of the monastery, Bernadetta was definitely the last person Luca would have ever expected to hear at his door.
(Bernadetta):”Yeah, it's me Bernie… I-I don’t want you to come outside… I just want to know how you feel…”
Bernadetta’s request didn’t receive an answer. A long silence filled the air, so long that Bernadetta begin to think <<You STUPID! Why would he open himself to you of all people? You should have never left your room! Useless Bernie!>> Having realized she crossed the line, Bernadetta turned around to walk away in shame, when she heard the key opening Luca's door.
(Luca):”Come in…”
Bernadetta was relieved, her long experience as a recluse was useful for once, now she could finally get the answers she seeked. Bernadetta entered Luca's room quietly, it’s true that any room felt safer than the outside, but it wasn’t hers, and more also, it was a boy's. Working on her anxiety and embarrassment with each step, Bernadetta walked through the doorstep into Luca's room. The inside wasn’t very much different from any other room of the dormitory, in fact, Bernadetta thought it was lacking in personality, given Luca's nature. She expected a room filled with his interests, like hers, that has rolls of fabric under the windows, many carnivorous plants on the windowsill and a huge teddy bear in the corner. With the corner of her eye, Bernadetta spotted a pile of small bricks on his desk, maybe he was building some miniature thingy?
In absolute silence, Luca sat at the desk, turned his chair towards the bed and then pointed at it, to tell Bernadetta to sit there. After another long moment of silence Luca finally spoke.
(Luca):”So… you wanted to ask me something, don’t you?”
(Bernadetta):”(nods)… You left class without saying anything… Did something happen to you?”
(Luca):”No, no… nothing happened to me… Have you ever had one of those days where no matter what, is just a “no day” and you feel like you don’t want to do nothing?”
(Bernadetta):”Like those days where I just can’t get out of my room? Yes, I know them very well… I thought you weren’t the type of guy who enjoys solitude.”
(Luca):”I’ve been alone for a lot of time, I do enjoy spending time my friends, but after a long time spent in company, I just need some time alone, especially when I’m sad like this… I don’t want to involve others in my sadness… that’s why I tend to hide in my shell many times.”
(Bernadetta):”You… Hide in your shell… (smiles)”
(Luca):”The fact that I'm an half recluse makes you smile?”
(Bernadetta):”I WASN’T SMILING! Well… I was… but PLEASE, I SWEAR! I WASN’T MAKING FUN OF YOU!”
(Luca):”Hehe, calm down, I knew that. Actually, the fact that you came to my door brought my mood up a little bit.”
(Bernadetta):”That’s nice to hear… I'm sorry for bringing Ingrid and Sylvain before… I told them I was looking for you and they came to bother you…”
(Luca):”Don’t blame it on yourself, if it wasn’t you it would have been another person, so things would still be the same. Don’t worry I'm used to people asking these many questions.”
(Bernadetta):”So they do come to your room to drag you out!”
(Luca):”Today was the first time actually… and hopefully the last, it’s so annoying when they’re stubborn. Speaking of which, I remember seeing a crowd in front of your door every morning during the first week of academy. I swear to you, I was pissed for you at first, then it became funny how you bounced every last one of them, seeing them fail was so hilarious. I've always cheered for you during those battles. And I felt disgusted when they started to use brute force or magic… forcing someone to do something will never work, actually I think it makes things way worse than they should be.”
(Bernadetta):” (pinches her cheek) I'm not dreaming am I? You really mean those words?”
(Luca):”Of course!”
(Bernadetta):”Finally! You’re the first person here who doesn’t want to pull me out of my room at all costs! I wish they weren’t so pressing all the times!”
(Luca):”True. I understand that they’re worried about us, but when it’s too much, is too much. They should really understand where’s the border.”
(Bernadetta):”Yeah, they really should… Luca… I don’t want to appear ungrateful… but I need to go.”
(Luca):”You need to go back to your room? It’s understandable, you've been here for a while, if you want I can accompany you to it.”
(Bernadetta):”Accompany?!?” said Bernadetta full of embarrassment “I-I-I CAN ACCOMPANY MYSELF TOO WELL, EHM BYE!”
Bernadetta ran out of the room as fast as an arrow with her hands on her face for the embarrassment.
(Luca):”Oh goddess, I crossed the line this time, I should have definitely not say that… I should have just said she could hide here whenever she wanted… maybe this would have been worse… or maybe I shouldn’t get too attached to her…”
Once in her room Bernadetta threw herself on the bed, how could he have said that? Were those honest words, or just a scheme to get her to drop her guard? These questions put Bernadetta in the most confusional state she had ever been.
(Luca):”B-Bernadetta?”
Hearing Luca's voice made her crawl in fear, she held her breath hoping he wouldn’t hear her.
(Luca):”I-I’m terribly sorry for what I just said, I should have not said that, it was very intrusive of me, I apologize. If you decide to not speak to me ever again, I will understand. With that said, I won’t bother you ever again…”
While leaving the doorway, Luca looked many times to see if Bernadetta would have opened the door to tell him everything was fine. But she never opened it, Luca was hurt by that, but probably it was for the best.