Archive of Our Own

That’s when I heard the ball drop at the same pace of my heart. All of a sudden the loud cheers and people slowly started to disappear. The only thing that mattered and that was in sight was the volleyball and I. The fact that I could see it on the same eye level really started to get annoying. Was I so lost in my own mind that I couldn’t even hear the buzzer to signify that the other team received the point?
“Oikawa,”
Who’s speaking? Such a familiar and comforting voice filled with such despair.
“It’s time to go thank the crowd.”
It came to me who the voice belonged to and it was no other than Iwaizumi. I finally got off the floor and saw Iwaizumi head tilted back towards the ceiling. What a sad sight to see happen to your teammates. I slapped Iwaizumi’s back as if to say that we have to keep moving forward. Walking past him- I saw those cold shiny eyes that reflected the gym lights as if we were to never see them again. Even though we never said anything, I just knew by his eyes that he got the message and together with the rest of the teammates we gave our thanks to our supporters. Then we walked out of the gym to the changing rooms.
“We played a good game!” I yelled to my teammates.
I turned around to see them with all their heads hung low, tears streaming down everyone's face.
“Thank you for the best three years!” desperately trying to be a good captain to them knowing that whatever I said was probably meaningless at this point.
“Thank you for being our captain!” they all yelled back at me.
We continued to walk to the changing room in silence. After changing, I walked out of the room to go outside for some fresh air. I couldn’t possibly face my teammates knowing that if..
“Oikawa,”
It was Iwaizumi again. Had he followed me out here?
“Pft.. are you going to cry out here now?” Iwaizumi teased.
“Oh? Iwaizumi is wondering what I’m doing. As a matter of fact I actually just couldn’t bring myself to watch Karasuno happily accepting victory,” I said as I purposely turned my head with my nose held high. I think he saw through me that I was being stubborn at showing vulnerability.
Surprisingly there was no reaction from Iwaizumi, he usually would have made fun of me or lecture me as if he was my mom. Before I could turn back around I felt one of Iwaizumi’s hands by my head slowly pulling me into his chest. His hands were so gentle and I couldn’t help but accept that I was acting vulnerable in my best friends chest. It was so warm unlike the volleyball court that my chest felt not even 30 minutes ago.
“If you’re going to cry, please don’t cry alone,” Iwaizumi didn’t say anything after that. He just sat there silently hearing me shed tears of disappointment in myself.
I didn’t and was too tired to form any words to respond. Although I always knew since our childhood together that Iwaizumi and I would have to split one day- it was all too hard to accept. This was our last game together and I couldn’t believe that maybe if I was one second closer to the ball I could have set to him. We could have scored a point together and we wouldn’t be in this situation. We could have... played volleyball some more.

“Good morning Iwa-chan!” I said walking into class.
Iwaizumi was sitting in his usual seat, reading a book wearing his resting anger expression. He really did look like he was concentrating since he didn’t answer me back. I slammed my bag on his desk and he looked up at me. He acted as if nothing had happened and didn’t give any reactions as a usual person would. That’s the thing with Iwaizumi though- he had always been that way since he was a kid. I remember one time a cat was chasing me and he picked it up like it was nothing. Turns out the cat was one that Iwaizumi was watching. Of course I scold him for it, but I ended up being the one lectured. After that we’ve started to spend time together and got to know each other.
“Oh it’s you Oikawa,” Iwaizumi said.
“Yeah it is, what are you reading there?” I asked. No seriously though. What was he reading that was so important.
“Nothing really, but what are you doing this weekend? Want to go to the mall together?”
“Hm.. I’ll have to check my schedule to see if I can make time for it,” I answered sarcastically.
That’s when Iwa-chan gave me such a straight face stare that it was scary. I’ve been with Iwaizumi for so long that I've mesmerized when he was upset or not. I knew this one was his “I-know-you-have-nothing-better-to-do” one.
“Okay yes I’ll come,” I said panicking, scared to upset Iwaizumi.
“Thought so, it’s not like you do anything on the weekends,”
Bingo. If I do say so myself I am really good at reading Iwaizumi.
“What did you say?” In all honesty I was a little offended when he said that.
“Ah nothing, I don’t feel like wasting my air talking to you,” Iwaizumi said.
I pouted and finally decided to sit down next to him.
“Let’s make it a date,” Iwaizumi said quietly.
I turned to him and I think he could tell my eyes had widened.
“Nevermind,” Iwaizumi said. And just like that he turned his head around and class started.
The rest of class time I wondered if that was a joke or not. Did Iwaizumi really want to go on a date with me? But he said that without blushing or being fazed.. Surely he was just kidding then right?

Geez why am I feeling so nervous? The weekend had come along so slow because I stood so much ground thinking about the uh- hangout. I shouldn’t call it a date should I? Would that be weird? In all honesty I wouldn't mind if it really was a date. It’s not like I don’t have feelings for Iwaizumi- I guess I have just been pushing them aside for so long that I never really concluded what those feelings were. At the same time Iwaizumi never said anything about liking me and he’s pretty mean to me. He’s so nice to everyone else- that big bully. He has put up with me for all these years, so I’ll cut him some slacks.
That’s when a lightbulb went off in my head. Does he secretly like me? He can be really mean and always lecture me, but there are times when he really does care about me. What was the reason for him to comfort me after we played Karasuno? I shouldn’t let that get to me, Iwa-chan was probably just being nice. Yeah nice.
My phone went off and it was a text from Iwaizumi. I forgot that he was coming to pick me up. It didn’t even feel like 20 minute of me questioning Iwaizumi's intentions, but now it was the time to see reality. I left the door and there Iwaizumi was in his car. It seemed like he just got here. Which is a good thing because Iwa-chan hates waiting for me. I remember last time we were supposed to watch our favorite movie together and I was taking too long getting the popcorn that he just started the movie without me. Thinking back on that memory it’s been almost 5 years since then. We were so young back in middle school.
As soon as I got into the car we said our greetings, but it grew awkward and quiet. It all depended on who was going to be the one to break the silence.
“Forget what I said last time,” Iwaizumi broke the silence, but didn’t dare look at me to see my expression. His voice was serious that I didn’t know how to react.
What was I supposed to say? I’m guessing he could tell that I was too nervous to actually be myself. I can’t believe he wants me to just forget about the fact he basically confessed his feelings. I was coming up with so many ways to let him down slowly, but now he wants me to just forget it?
He then quietly continued to say, “When you’re upset, I’m upset as well. So just try to cheer up.”
“No, it’s not your fault I was just over analyzing the situation. I’m sorry but I don’t know how I feel and I really didn’t know you felt that way about me,” I didn’t want to crush his ego.
“So you’re really okay?” He said.
“Yes, but don’t worry I’m sure there are lots of people who would appreciate you and-”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Iwaizumi said confusingly. He finally looked my way but his expression was so confused.
“I’m saying that I have to turn down your feelings-”
All of a sudden Iwaizumi started laughing and he was laughing so hard tears started to fall down his face.
Now the roles were reversed and I was the one wearing the confused expression.
“Oikawa, I knew you were an airhead, but I didn’t think you were this big of an airhead,” Iwaizumi said continually to laugh.
“What are you talking about? You just said to forget what you said last time.”
“Yes, because last time during class I told you that if you don’t come to the mall with me I'll bring worms to your house. You came into the car with such a nervous expression I thought you really took it seriously,” Iwaizumi had stopped laughing, but his voice was in such a lighthearted tone now.
I’ve been so wrapped up on rejecting Iwaizumi and what he said in class that day that I forgot all our other encounters throughout the week.
“Wait so you actually don’t mind that I can’t return the feelings?” I blurted out. Just when things were going back to normal I just had to mess it up.
Iwaizumi stopped laughing completely, but it was not like before. It feels like there was less tension now.
“Ah you’re talking about that situation,” Iwaizumi said. “I don’t mind if you have returning feelings or not. I think it was just an impulsive decision that I made, but I thought it over and I don’t think I would want to be your boyfriend.”
To save the situation from turning serious again I said in a joking tone, “Well that wasn’t very nice to say.”
Then we forgot we were at a stop light and the car behind us honked when the lights turned green. Iwaizumi stepped on the petals and started to scold me for not realizing sooner. We had a little quarrel, but I was glad we were talking like before and would be able to spend the day like usual.
Iwaizumi and I spent most of the day together at the mall as we shopped around. I had forgotten all about my worries and questions. It really was simple to just be with your best friend and not be tied down by titles like boyfriends. Eventually around noon we got hungry and decided to get some food. We both decided to get burgers, but with so many people taking up seats we decided to sit outside on a bench. The weather was warm and the sun was shining, a truly perfect day.
“We should go feed some ducks later,” I said happily. I really was at my happiest with him. It felt like nothing could get better than being with him.
“Huh? Why do you wanna go feed ducks?” Iwaizumi said, almost dismissing the idea.
“Oh come on it’s such a nice day and I’m sure the little duckies would be happy to see you,”
“Sounds like a dumb idea.”
I pretended to be hurt and turned away from him.
“I never said no stupid.” It seemed like he almost felt bad, but didn’t want to admit it.
“You really mean it?!” I said excitedly and turned back around him giving my biggest puppy eyes. I get to go see ducks with Iwa-chan. Forget about when I said that he’s mean to me.
Iwaizumi ruffled my hair a bit and gave me such a soft smile. Our eyes had met again and I have no idea why, but a spark went through my stomach and I couldn’t help wish this day would last forever.
“Yes, anything to make you happy,” he quietly and calmly said. Iwaizumi slowly took his other hand to grab my wrapper of the finished burger and got up to go throw them away. I felt another wave of butterflies come through and realized he teased me a bit by grabbing the wrapper instead of my hand.
Even though he teased me a bit, he quickly came back and acted like nothing happened. He has a habit of doing that, but I think it’s another reason why I appreciate him so much. It’s because he can always make things go back to normal- no matter what the situation is.
I walked around the mall for a bit longer because I remembered that I needed to buy him a gift for his birthday that was going to come up soon. I told him to go wait in the car because I needed to go use the restroom. Luckily while we were shopping I spotted the perfect thing to get him and that made things better, so that Iwaizumi wouldn’t get suspicious. The gift that I decided to get him was a little package of cute characters on the paper and envelopes. Iwaizumi doesn’t really like stationary things, but I got some for myself as well because once we part and go our separate ways I would like to be able to write him letters.
I checked out and as I was walking back to the car I saw a jewelry store selling a couple rings. They were so simple- yet so pretty.
That’s when I felt someone come up behind me and touched my shoulders.
“Oikawa, what are you doing?” Iwaizumi’s voice startled me and I felt like I had just been caught red handed- but I wasn’t even doing anything wrong.
Iwaizumi looked over at the rings that I was looking at and started to stare at them.
“Do you want one?” he asked me.
“No, I was just looking at them,” I quickly replied. I didn’t want Iwa-chan spending any money on me, especially since he already was picking and dropping me off. Even with saying that- Iwaizumi continued to stare at them and I had to drag him a little towards the exit.
“They’re really pretty,” he said.
“Yeah, I think so too, but you know the ducks are going to be waiting for us so let’s go,” I said softly pushing him away.
Together we walked to the car and maybe he just decided to ignore it, but he didn’t ask about the bag that contained his birthday gift. Either way it was better that way because it wouldn’t be spoiled. I quickly set the bag in the back trunk of Iwaizumi’s car and sat in the passenger seat with him. After a 10 minute ride to the grocery store I picked up some bread and we headed to the park nearby. The ducks were still roaming around and it seemed like some of the mothers had little ducklings following behind them.
“Iwa-chan, look they’re so small and cute,” I turned to tell him and he was taking a loaf of bread out the back seat of the car.
I broke the bread in half and found a bench for Iwaizumi and I to sit on while we started to feed the ducks. At first Iwa-chan yelled at me a bit for making the pieces a little too big. I tried justifying it, but then the ducks started to eat Iwa-chan’s more and I shifted into making them smaller. Iwa-chan laughed at me and teased me about how he was right as I stubbornly tried to dismiss the idea. The day couldn’t have gotten any better than it already was.
“I hope we get to do this more often,” I smiled to Iwaizumi and he smiled back at me. Iwa-chan said it was the perfect lighting to start taking pictures, so he pulled out his phone and without me knowing snapped a picture.
“Let me see the picture you just took,” I said.
“No, because I like it, but I know that you would complain about it,” Iwaizumi said back.
We played fight over the phone but then Iwaizumi finally spoke up and said,
“I’ll show you some other time geez.”
I pouted a bit and acting as if I didn’t care about how I looked said, “Well any photo of me is a good photo anyways.”
Iwa-chan laughed at me while I had never made such a baffled face at his reaction.
“You’re so funny, I understand why your fangirls are all over you,” Iwaizumi continued.
“They like me more than just my sense of humor Iwa-chan, you wouldn’t know anything about that side of me.”
“Yeah that’s because I’m always the one who tells you to stop messing around with them and to get to practice.”
“I’ve had enough of this boring conversation Iwa-chan,” I said folding my arms and legs.
“Still doesn’t change the fact that it’s true,” Iwaizumi said. “Remember that one time you tried to feed one of the cats I was babysitting and you ended up getting bitten?” Iwaizumi said. It was a random thought, but maybe he remembered because we are at the park where we first met.
“I still have the scar from the cat's bite. Those things are so vicious,” I shuddered as I said.
Iwaizumi looked over with a straight face expression while holding the bread, then continued to say, “Yeah, that’s because the cat could tell you two are the same breed.”
I turned back around to him and we laughed it off together. Although it was true that I have many fangirls, Iwaizumi is the only one who sees the real side of me. That’s why he’s my best friend because he understands everything about me. I couldn’t have wished for anyone else to be by my side but him. It was just unimaginable at this point.
The sun was going to set soon and I didn’t want him to drive home tired. Especially since my eyesight is bad, so I won’t be able to drive him home. As we were driving to go home I couldn’t help and feel a little bit sad that the day really was ending. Change was coming our way. And I didn’t know how I felt about that either.
Out of nowhere I felt a pain start to stain my heart. That’s when it hit me that time was really coming our way faster than we anticipated. Things were changing. And change is scary. It’s not like I needed or is emotionally dependent on Iwa-chan, but the idea of living a life without him was soon to be reality. I only learned not to be dependent on Iwaizumi because I knew after each of our volleyball matches that no matter what- we have to keep moving forward. When either of us were down we would remind each other of that.
Next week was already going to be Iwa-chan's birthday and I was excited to finally reveal the gift to him. I hope he likes it just as much as I was excited to pick it out. It’s really hard to believe that he’s turning 18 now. It’s been a long 18 years of our friendship, but I hope it never ends even after we go our separate ways in college. The last time we hung out was in the spring before we graduated. It was summer break now, but when the following fall came, it would be time to say goodbye to each other. Iwa-chan decided to go to a different college, while I wanted to stay closer in town.
I texted Iwaizumi what he wanted to do for his birthday and he was planning that we go to the beach. It was after all his 18th birthday where he would now legally be an adult, but before that I wanted to make sure that he spent his last days of teenage years with me. The weather was warm and sunny as the summers should be so it would be perfect to go to the beach.
The week finally ended and it was Iwaizumi’s birthday. I texted him that I would be picking him up around noon for us to go to the beach. I made sure to pack everything like sunscreen, sunglasses, towels, his birthday gift and of course my swimsuit. I double checked my bags before leaving for my car. Thankfully Iwaizumi’s house wasn’t too far because the beach would take a while to get to.
“Happy birthday Iwa-chan!” I happily said when he got into the car.
Iwaizumi laughed and said, “Thank you Oikawa!”
Ah there it was. Iwaizumi’s smile. I love seeing his smile and when he’s doing his best. We started to turn the music in the car up and drove to the beach with the windows rolled down. I felt the wind go and it was so nice being able to forget about college for a while. We arrived at the beach and started to set up under one of the umbrellas.
“Oikawa where’s your sunscreen?” Iwaizumi asked.
“Oh it’s in the bag, I’m going to set up the towels first before heading to the waters.”
Iwaizumi nodded and when we both got in the water I splashed him with water and he soon chased me trying to splash water on me as well. We were both smiling and laughing. I could feel the pure happiness and I knew he was happy too.
After a while we decided to take a break and go eat some food, so I told him that I would go order them at the booth nearby. There weren’t many options to pick from, but I decided that Iwa-chan would like a sandwich with me. I paid for the meals, but as I was walking back to Iwaizumi I saw that there were three girls that surrounded him. At first I was confused, but then I saw one of the girls point to her phone. They were asking for his number and Iwaizumi was acting nervous around them. Then he saw me through the corner of his eyes and waved to me. I was a bit taken back, but continued to walk towards him.
“Sorry ladies, I’m actually with my boyfriend,” Iwaizumi said looking up at me.
They quickly apologized and walked away to where their other friend. Where she was waiting for them. I guess they were getting Iwa-chan’s number for their shy friend.
“Why’d you say that?” I asked him.
“I’m not interested in them- that’s all,” he responded.
“Well if it was someone you’re interested in, then would you have given your number to them?”
“I don’t know, maybe?”
His tone was confused and I felt a little hurt knowing that he really could just drop me anytime he wants because he found someone he fancies.
“Oh I see how it is,” I quietly said.
We turned to see each other and our eyes seemed to lock once again. Iwaizumi laughed and teased me by saying, “You’re jealous aren’t you?!”
“I am not!” I said defensively. Well maybe I was a little jealous, but if I told Iwa-chan that he wouldn’t stop teasing me for weeks.
“Yeah, it’s okay to be jealous. Don’t worry I would be too if I was you,” Iwaizumi gave me a side smirk and I knew he was intimidating my moves.
We laughed it off together then ate our sandwiches together. We talked about all our favorite things like volleyball, shows, and more. Time flew by and soon we saw the sun showing across the horizonion. Before it got too dark we went to the car and decided to go watch the stars at our favorite place for a while. The last time we went stargazing was when we were younger.
As we pulled up to the stargazing spot I went to the trunk and grabbed the gift.
“Happy birthday, here’s your gift,” I said handing the bag to him.
Iwaizumi opened the gift and surprisingly he liked the little characters featured on the paper.
“They’re very cute,” he said.
“Almost like me huh,” I said jokingly. But I don’t think Iwa-chan took it jokingly, because he looked dead in my eyes and in such a serious tone said, “No, you’re correct.”
I felt my face start to heat up and I covered my mouth to contain myself. I eventually removed my hands to feel Iwa-chan’s face and said, “Thank you for being here the past 18 years.”
Now Iwaizumi was the one blushing. Without thinking I kissed his forehead gently as if I was his mother. I could feel Iwaizumi’s hand on top of my hand and we touched our foreheads together. As we pulled away I saw the clock strike 12 and just like that Iwaizumi’s birthday was over. I looked into Iwaizumi’s eyes and could see his soft eyes staring at me, The eyes that watched me grow with him. Those were the same eyes that have stayed with me all this time. It’s hard to say that those were the same eyes that I am staring at right now.
In my eyes they were shiner than all the stars about our heads. No words were able to form the way I was feeling at this moment. It was so full of butterflies, but so calm and right. Though he is my best friend- he was the moon in my life even when the star didn’t dare shine. Iwaizumi’s hand holding mines was so comforting that it washed away all the cares in my world. When I’m with Iwaizumi I feel as if nothing could hurt me. It felt like he was protecting me and it felt like I was truly floating.
After we stargazed for a bit Iwaizumi fell asleep in my passenger seat. I took out the spare blanket that I kept in the car and covered him with it. When Iwaizumi is awake his facial expressions are always looking kind of mean and harsh. Now that I’ve seen him sleep he looks so peaceful. I hope that he feels peaceful when he’s with me- just the same way that he makes me feel. I took Iwa-chan home and that night as I laid in bed I knew that I had fallen in love with my best friend- Iwaizumi.

The days continued as usual, but it was soon to be time to be moving to college. It makes me frustrated that I barely had my life together. I wish I could just be like Iwa-chan and know everything. I’m planning on continuing to play volleyball while I am in college, but I’m not sure what I want to major in yet. The whole idea of going to college honestly frustrated me. My head started to really pound from studying some topics of my classes so that I can keep up with the rest of the class. I decided that it was time for a break and went to go grab a snack.
As I was eating away on some leftover bread, the same fear came looming over me again. There was going to be less time to spend with him. I have been mentally prepared this whole time, but I wonder how Iwaizumi feels about moving away. I really do hope that we get to stay in contact- even if it’s just a little bit. I want to be able to write him letters as our special way of communicating. I think it would help keep our friendship stable and alive. It would pain me if he stopped writing to me one day.
My phone lit up and it was a text message from Iwaizumi that read:
Iwaizumi: Open the door, I’m outside.
I rushed to open the door. It’s been a while since i’ve seen Iwa-chan because he said he needed to get things together before leaving. I swung the door wide open and there Iwaizumi was holding a cake in his hand.
“Come in! What’s that in your hand?” I knew it was a cake, but I wanted to hear Iwa-chan say that it was for me. I let him in and it was just the two of us sitting at the dining table. It made me feel like we were really a couple celebrating our anniversary or something cheesy like that.
“It’s a strawberry cake for your birthday, but is it okay if we do your birthday a little early or late this year?” Iwa-chan said.
I was a little disappointed that we wouldn’t get to hangout on my birthday together. I looked up at Iwaizumi to try to understand why.
“What are you doing that day?” I curiously asked, because we usually never have anything to do around this time of year.
“I know I said we could spend the day together, but I started working and the girl at my grocery store where I work asked me to come to her late birthday party and she tried really hard to convince me to go. She said it was going to be really big,” Iwaizumi answered.
I have no idea why, but my heart felt like it dropped a little. Of course it was natural that Iwa-chan would be meeting other people. It was bound to happen knowing his life will keep moving forward.
“Oikawa? Is that okay? If you want me to cancel on her I can-” Iwaizumi started to say but I interrupted and said, “No, you can’t cancel on her! She planned a big party and it wouldn’t look good if you didn’t go.” I smiled because that’s the only thing I can do for Iwa-chan and I didn’t want it to seem like I was upset at him.
“Okay, I guess I’m cancelling. Geez Oikawa, you could have just said that,” Iwa-chan said as he took out his phone.
“What do you mean? I just said I don’t mind,” I was getting really irritated with my headache and the pent up emotions of fear that Iwaizumi really was going to leave me behind started to show.
Iwaizumi sighed and said, “You can never be straightforward with how you feel, it really would make life so much easier if you just knew what you
“Is that how you see me? Someone who’s indecisive.
Oh so what I guess I’m selfish for not knowing what I want too right?” I angrily argued back.
Iwaizumi looked up at me and with just as much anger in his voice as mine said, “Yeah, I’m tired of you being selfish and me always cleaning up after your mess.”
The room was silent, but for me it was spinning and I could feel the tension we had created. I immediately and for the first time… didn’t want to see Iwaizumi in front of me. It was like he read my mind because Iwaizumi got up and left the house, just as quickly as he had arrived.
I heard the door close but I didn’t feel or hear any tears. I was so sure that once he left I would break down from all the stress, but I just couldn’t. Instead I got up and just went back to studying. Anything to get my mind off on what just happened. Iwa-chan and I rarely ever fight. Sure we have small arguments here and there but never like this. He was seriously mad this time. I should've just apologized, but after the way he walked out like that I don’t know if he would want to hear from me.

Well happy birthday to me. I’m spending my 18th birthday with… no one. It’s been a couple days since our altercation and neither of us have spoken to each other. I’m sure later tonight he’s going to have such a wonderful time at whoever birthday party it was. If I waited longer would our friendship really be over?
I walked to the kitchen and the cake that Iwaizumi dropped off was now in the fridge untouched. My heart stung. I turned my body away to forget it and saw the old stale bread that was left. That’s when I decided that I was going to go out for my birthday by myself. I could go to the park and feed the ducks. I quickly got ready and grabbed the bread before heading to my car. Thankfully my birthday was in the summer so I didn’t need to start my engine before leaving.
I drove to the park nearby and saw that there were a lot of kids on the playground. All of a sudden I had a flashback of when Iwaizumi and I were kids and would play in the sand box together. We made sand castles as if we were at the beach. It’s funny how we really went to the beach for his birthday years later. My heart sank a little lower and stung for a second time. No. I need to learn that I don’t need Iwa-chan and that I really am okay with being by myself. I sat near the lake where a bench happened to be and started to rip bits of bread off. This time I remembered from Iwa-chan that I needed to make the pieces smaller.
Gosh this day was supposed to be on me and my birthday- not every little space reminding me of Iwa-chan. To cheer myself up I decided to buy myself some gifts like a new plushie to keep in my car at the mall. He would keep me company when dumb Iwaizumi wants to leave me behind. I giggled at the thought and decided to buy one that had an angry face just like Iwa-chan. The day continues, but why does it feel so slow? Hopefully I run into someone at the food court. I headed towards the food court after paying for the small plushie and unconsciously I said out loud, “What would you like to eat Iwa-chan?”
Obviously there was no response, but it still didn’t feel right to be eating out alone. No one answered and who knows how many more times I would have to continue to make this stupid mistake. I keep forgetting that we aren’t friends for the time being and that Iwa-chan isn’t here with me.
The air felt cold even with all the summer heat circulating.
“It’s so lonely,” mumbling underneath my own breath.
I quickly ordered my food and continued to shop around just for fun. Time went by faster than I had expected. I was so into picking out which hat I would want for when fall came around. The store selling hats were closing down and was having a sale, so of course I couldn’t miss out on a good deal. I saw that it was now 7 o’clock and it would soon start getting dark. I gathered my bags of new things and returned back to my car. Before heading home I wanted to run to the store real quick. I can’t let Iwaizumi’s cake go to waste and it’s one of my favorite cakes as well. That’s when it pained me that he really does know me well. I thought I understood him, but maybe he understands me better.
Thankfully the store was nearby, but when I entered I could have sworn that the universe was playing with my feelings. Down an aisle I saw Iwa-chan standing there with someone else.
Then I heard her say, “I’m happy you’ll be able to come to my party after work is over.”
As she was speaking it seemed like Iwa-chan was smiling. He was giving her the same one that I had so desperately wanted to see this whole day. Maybe I really was selfish like Iwaizumi said. I was the only one thinking about him today alone, while he was here happy with someone else.
The sight of them was too irritating to see and as if my body moved by itself I walked towards Iwaizumi.
“I’m so tired of you playing with my feelings!” I yelled at him with such rage that all I could remember was all the times he was nice to me, but I had mistaken that he had fallen for me. I could so clearly see her face now. A cute girl with nice features whom I could never compete with. So beautiful and she wasn’t even phased with the racket that I was immaturely making.
She just smiled at me and in such a soft voice said, “Welcome to our grocery store, how could I help you?”
I took another look at Iwaizumi’s angered expression and with the same anger I had completely yelled back at me saying, “What the hell do you want? Why are you so obsessed with me?”
I was taken back and realized that maybe I really was being obsessed with him. Just because I had fallen in love with him, doesn’t mean he is. Of course he wouldn’t be- we would never work and there were so many other possible people out there for him. I took a couple steps back because I know I was not strong enough to fight the selfish side of me. But it was too late now that I had lashed out in front of Iwaizumi’s friend. Surely he had fallen for her because I just knew she was a good girl.
I turned around and ran out the store with the girl's voice calling after me, but I didn’t and couldn’t turn around to see her again. I just wanted to yell at her to stop following me but who could say that to someone that Iwa-chan picked.
I started my car and drove off. I didn’t know where to. Just somewhere far away from any radius of Iwaizumi. I pulled over to the side of the road and oh how I wanted to cry from everything. Instead I just stared at the road ahead of me as cars passed by. Life was already hard, but I decided to do a foolish act of falling in love. Why couldn’t it have been anyone else besides Iwaizumi? If only I had fallen for someone who has returning feelings then maybe, just maybe this feeling wouldn’t linger and follow me as bad.
I don’t know how long I stayed there, but I gathered myself to drive to the park where the bridge that Iwaizumi and I used to go often to play. It wasn’t any use to go somewhere close by that Iwaizumi and I didn’t visit at least once. And that fact really made me feel like I was sinking deeper.
As I was driving there I opened the window to feel the fresh air fly by, but it only made me remember how for his birthday I felt the same air while we were driving to the beach. When I got there the moon was hidden behind the clouds tonight and the only thing that brought light was one tall lamp. I sat down to feel more at peace with myself and maybe that was all I needed- time to myself, to face the me I was avoiding. I was scared to admit that I really had a side like that to me. I felt my face heat up and my vision started to blur a bit looking up at the stars. I could no longer see them shine in the darkness due to the lack of the moon's presence. I touched my face to feel the watery tears run down my face. I had reached my maximum containment and I started to feel all the strains in my heart that were building up. It felt so guilty because it was so good to finally be free from it all. Time felt like it was longer than usual, but it didn’t matter anymore. I questioned myself and just needed to feel however I felt. I hope after this I will feel better and finally be a little closer to being a better person.
I want to be a person that helps others and comfort them when they’re down in the dumps. I want to understand them because I could never understand myself.
I felt my phone buzz through my jacket and to my surprise it was a missed call from Iwaizumi. I rubbed my eyes from the tears to make sure I wasn’t seeing things, but there was no mistake. It really was him. The phone lit up again because Iwa-chan called me again. I wonder what he was calling about- it really could have been anything. I was hesitant to pick up because I didn’t know if I was ready to hear what he had to say to me.
I answered and heard Iwa-chan's voice say, “Oikawa.”
If only he knew how happy I was to hear him call my name again. I didn’t even care what he had to say anymore- I settled for the fact I was blessed to hear someone’s voice that I was so sure I had lost.
“Oikawa, where are you? We need to talk,” He continued to talk, but the tears had dried for a moment.
“I’m at the bridge where we used to play…” I was hesitant to tell him because even though I was prepared to hear what he had to say- I didn’t know how I would react to seeing him.
“Stay right there, I’m walking past the playground right now.”
I wasn’t sure if I heard that correctly, but when I turned towards the direction of the playground I saw a man running towards me. He was tall with black hair that was always ruffled. The figure running towards me was fit and even if it was selfish, I was happy to know that Iwaizumi was the one coming after me. I didn’t want to hear from anyone, but him and only him. I couldn’t help it and tears started to form in my eyes again. I thought I was done crying, but there seemed to be so many more that wanted to escape as well.
That’s when I saw Iwaizumi kneeling down in front of me. He stared right at me. The moon revealed itself from behind the clouds, so now I could see that it was clearly Iwaizumi’s face.
“Idiot Oikawa…” He started to softly say and I looked up at him immediately saying with the rest of the energy I had, “I know that already Iwa-chan.”
“If you knew then why are you crying alone here? Did you not listen to me when I said that if you are ever crying to not cry alone?” Iwaizumi’s voice was harsh. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything as I just looked down avoiding eye contact.
That’s when I felt Iwaizumi cup my face and sit down in front of me.
“But I’m the bigger idiot for letting you cry like this by yourself.” Iwaizumi’s voice was now gentle and he started rubbing my face with his thumb to wipe away the tears streaming down my face. That resulted in me crying even harder, but Iwa-chan pulled me into his chest completely taking me into his arms. I immediately covered my mouth and face because it would be rude to get his clothes dirty.
“You don’t have to hold back anymore, you don’t have to feel bad for how you feel. I’m sorry I made you feel that way because of my selfish ways.” He comforted me by rubbing my head and I just felt so vulnerable. I moved my hands away from my face to push Iwaizumi over so that he was on the floor. I’m tired of me always being babied in his arms and not being able to say what I need to say in the moments that we have.
“You’re not selfish Iwa-chan, I’m the one who made a big fuss about something small all because I couldn’t face the fact that one day you’ll be so far out of my reach. You’re always moving forward leaving me in the dust,” I wasn’t sure what I was saying, but I just needed to say everything right now. “I hate that I fell for you so hard, but my pride couldn’t just admit it.” I yelled this all to him because I wanted to make sure I got my message through to him. I wanted to be strong.
There were drops of my tears falling on Iwaizumi’s surprised face now, but he yelled right back at me, “Then let’s move forward together… I’ll…” Iwa-chan was hesitant to complete his sentence. “I’ll always wait for you Oikawa!”
I finally fully opened my dried eyes that had stopped flowing tears. Iwaizumi got off the floor. Then I continued to say, “Okay, I’m sorry.” Iwaizumi rubbed the back of his neck and said, “I’m sorry as well.”
I wiped the extra tears that lingered in my eyes.
“Oikawa give me your right hand,” Iwaizumi said.
I was confused but I lifted my hand towards him. As I did this, Iwaizumi took a small box out of his pocket. He placed it beside him. When he opened it, there were two rings. One side of the ring had a small sun shaped into the ring while the other side had a moon shaped into it. The same pattern was presented on the other ring as well.
“Oikawa, I want to make it clear that I’ve only had my eyes on you this whole time. It was never anyone else- not even my co-worker that you saw today. The only thing is I don’t want to accidentally hurt you like right now as your boyfriend.” Iwaizumi’s voice was comforting and I could tell in his voice he was scared about the outcome. I didn’t think about how Iwa-chan would feel about what I had to say this whole time.
“Will you go out-” he was in the middle of asking me out, but I wanted to be the one to this time. Iwa-chan deserves to feel special and cared about just as much as he does for me. That’s when I took this opportunity to do something for Iwa-chan. I grabbed the other ring in the box.
“Hajime Iwaizumi, will you go out with me?” I interrupted him and I could tell he paused for a moment.
“Yes. I like that very much,” he smiled at me.
Seeing him finally smile at me again made me feel things I had never felt before. I was happy to see him smile for me again.
“Iwa-chan, with this ring I wish for only happiness when it comes to us,” I said as I slid the ring down his ring finger.
Iwaizumi laughed a bit then continued to say, “You make me feel like these are our wedding vows.” He turned his head away from me to try to avoid the fact he was blushing. He turned around towards me and slid the ring onto my finger while proceeding to say, “I also only wish for happiness when it comes to us.” I smiled at Iwaizumi just so that I could see him smile at me.
“You know it’s really ironic,” Iwaizumi said.
“What is?”
“They say that this bridge has brought many soulmates together. It’s just a theory, but if it’s true I couldn’t have asked for a better soulmate than you Oikawa.”
I got up and walked over to the other side of the bridge where we were sitting, then yelled over, “If we’re really soulmates, then I’ll always wait for you at the other side of the bridge.”
Iwaizumi smiled and slowly walked over to the other side where I was, but to my surprise he grabbed both of my hands.
“I’m going to make a selfish action and kiss my soulmate right now,” Iwaizumi looked right into my eyes and I could have sworn they told me a million loving words. He cupped one side of my face and could feel my cheeks red from the blushing. I closed my eyes as I felt his lips lightly pressed against mine. My mind went blank, but nothing matters now.
Iwa-chan slowly pulled away from me. It felt like the longest and fastest moments of my life. We smiled at each other in the glistening moonlight that stood behind my soulmate. The water underneath the bridge was calm as it reflected the moon.
Since we both came to the park with our own cars we took our own cars to my house to eat some cake and just hang out for a bit. There was only an hour left before my birthday ended, but I’m glad I got to spend my last few hours with Iwaizumi. He was not only my best friend now. He’s also my boyfriend, but I love the fact that he’s my soulmate as well. Maybe we are just crazy, but there didn’t need to be a reason that we could be soulmates right?
I got to my house first and checked behind me to see if Iwa-chan was closed by. My phone lit up with a text from him.
Iwaizumi: Wait for me inside, I have to go to the store really quick.
I was a bit curious, regardless I headed inside to take the cake out of the fridge. The room was quiet and still. Looking at the cake reminded me of all that just happened today. Maybe it was a good thing I went to the store first before coming home to eat the cake by myself. It made me wonder how things would of turned out if I just went straight home instead. Either way I was happy I would get to eat cake with Iwa-chan instead.
There was a knock at the door, followed by a text message from Iwaizumi saying that had arrived. I quickly got up from my seat and went to open the door for him.
“Happy birthday Toru Oikawa!” Iwa-chan popped open a small confetti popper while saying that.
We laughed together and went to sit down in the kitchen. We sliced up some cake, but then I got curious and asked, “Why did you come find me?”
“I talked to my co-worker about our situation for a bit and she said that you might be suffering and needing me. Turns out she was right.” Iwaizumi answered.
“What about her party you didn’t go?”
“She said that’s okay and that she was much happier letting me make the decision that I should have made in the first place.”
I felt a little guilt because she really did seem so nice.
“Maybe I should have said this before, but she’s going through a hard time right now since her cousin just died. I thought it would have been rude to decline her offer since she was finally in a happier mood.”
“Do you know the cause of her death?”
Iwaizumi went silent for a bit, maybe thinking about how to form the right words.
“She said they got into an argument a week before her passing…”
Iwaizumi paused and looked over at me before continuing to say,
“I think it was due to overdose on drugs. That’s why she told me to rush over to you.”
I looked down at my plate where the cake was and felt a wave of sadness run over me. While I was being selfish about my own feelings, Iwaizumi was thinking about everyone’s. He just wanted to be a good friend to her.
Iwaizumi ruffled my hair a bit, then said, “It’s not your fault that any of that happened. It was a misunderstanding and now we know how to say the thing we should say.”
I nodded my head.
“I’m sleeping over for the night. I’ll take a shower first, but let me borrow some clothes,” Iwaizumi said.
“Oh yeah that’s fine I’ll leave the clothes outside the door. I have to clean the place up a little first.” I said.
I heard Iwaizumi turn on the water, while I quickly washed our plates. After I finished I went to go sit in the living room, waiting for Iwaizumi to be done showering. I closed my eyes thinking about what Iwaizumi’s coworker wanted to say to me when she was running after me. I was in a rush of emotions, while she just wanted to talk. Maybe to tell me that I should communicate with Iwa-chan better.
I felt arms wrap around my neck behind me and could smell Iwa-chan’s in my shampoo scent.
“What are you thinking about?” Iwaizumi asked while closing his eyes.
I was caught off guard and responded, “Nothing really. If you wanna sleep first I set up a place next to my bed.” I turned around towards him as he let go.
We walked to the bedroom and I quickly grabbed my clothes so that I could change in the bathroom after I was done showering. I turned the water on, but while I waited for the water to warm up a little I thought about how Iwaizumi was really mine now. The thought brought a smile upon my face. I got in the shower and it felt so good to wash away all the tears, thoughts, fears, and all those things. The water was comforting and warm, maybe more than usual because I met my soulmate. I finished washing up, then changing into my night clothes before heading back to my room.
When I walked into the room I saw Iwaizumi already sleeping on the floor. His face was peaceful. It reminded me of when we were stargazing and he fell asleep. It’s funny how things change. I fell in love with him that night, but now he’s my boyfriend. I kneeled down to ruffle his hair the way he always does to me. It was late now- a little over 12 o’clock now. The universe really gave me the best 18th birthday gift. I climbed into bed, but as I closed my eyes I heard Iwaizumi get up. I turned towards him and before I could say anything he climbed into bed with me.
“It’s cold on the floor, let my sleep on the bed,” Iwaizumi’s back was facing towards me, but I knew he was blushing because his ears turned red.
I laughed, causing him to turn around towards me.
“What’s so funny?” his voice was confused.
“Oh Iwa-chan,” I said as I wrapped my arms around his waist. I could feel his fit body as he slowly breathed. I knew he was a liar because his body temperature was warm. Maybe he just wanted to lay next to me. That makes the both of us then. I smiled knowing he wanted to be near me as much as I did with him. “Goodnight.”
After that Iwaizumi turned back around. I slept holding him in my arms. I never want to let him go, now that I have him.

The next morning I woke up to Iwa-chan still sleeping, so I slowly moved my arms to get up. I should make breakfast for the both of us. I want to show Iwa-chan that I appreciate him. He deserves love at its fullest. I washed up quickly before heading to the kitchen. I pulled out the pans, eggs, and bacon. There was old rice, but we can just warm that up.
I heard shuffling while Iwa-chan made his way to see me in the kitchen.
“Good morning Iwa-chan! How do you want your eggs?” I was cheerful and it felt like we were living together.
“Good morning Oikawa, but I would like my eggs scrambled please,” he smiled back at me while saying.
He went to the bathroom to wash up while I continued to make our breakfast.
Iwa-chan came back to the kitchen to say, “How would you like your eggs?”
“It’s okay, I can do it.”
“Sunny side up? You’ve got it,” Iwaizumi looked over at me.
I silently agreed and finished setting up the table for the both of us. We laughed talking about old memories and reminiscing about the days when we were younger.
“Later I’m going to pick out a gift for your co-worker Iwa-chan,” I said.
“Oh alright, I’m sure she’ll like that. I gave her a gift yesterday already,” Iwaizumi said.
After we ate breakfast it was time for Iwaizumi to go to work, while I left to pick a gift for her. We took our own cars and I headed towards the nearby mall to get a gift for her. I wasn’t sure what she would like, but everyone likes jewelry right? Maybe she’ll like this butterfly bracelet. It was cute and reasonable for the price. I want her to know I’m thankful because if she never told Iwaizumi to come after me, who knows what we would be right now. Either way I was rude to her, so I want to apologize for that.
After checking out I went to the grocery store and handed her the gift. I explained that I was sorry and luckily she accepted my apology. She was working, so I left to go home and things were back to how they’ve always been. The summer where I turned 18 is a year I will never forget.

Summer was far gone now. The trees' leaves had all fallen out. The weather was cold, but it has not snowed yet. It’s only been a couple of months since Iwaizumi and I have been together. He comes over every now and then because he has more hours at his jobs now. As for me I got a job at the mall and college had come.
The hours became stressful, long and hard. It was hard balancing life to keep everything on track. Thinking back to when I was a naive 17 year old, I really did change a lot. I became more thankful for things and even Iwaizumi told me that it seemed like I was a completely different person. Time does really change someone. I remember being afraid of what was to come my way, but I’ve learned that the world does not wait for you.
My phone lit up from a text message. I knew it was Iwaizumi, but we had been a little distant lately- only because things got busy.
Iwaizumi: Let’s go on a date to see the city Christmas lights. I’ll pick you up around 6 later.
When I read that it made me happy that Iwaizumi was making time for me. It had been a little while since we’ve been on a date, considering all the other factors of our life.
Oikawa: Okay! See you then :)
I got out of my seat realizing that I had been daydreaming instead of studying for class. I freshened up and picked a cute outfit. We are already dating, but who says I can’t dress up for him to compliment me a little. I figured since it would be a little until we meet again I would give him his christmas present early. It was a red scarf that had a little alien character. I put all my love into making a nice Christmas gift for him because he deserves the whole world for everything he’s done for me. I stashed it into a box and before I knew it, it was already 6 o’clock. I heard the doorbell ring and went to open the door for Iwa-chan.
“Ready to go to Oikawa?” Iwaizumi said.
I nodded my head and as he held my hand to his car I realized his hands were really warm. We drove off to the city lights show and as we were going there we sang to some Christmas songs. Iwaizumi always has a way of taking my mind off things. I appreciated that he could do that for me and I hope I did the same as well.
The sun always goes down faster when it’s winter, so when we got to the city lights it was already dark.
We walked around to admire all the lights, but the best part was that we held hands the whole time, my hands were really cold, but Iwa-chan’s warmed mine up.
I saw one that looked really intriguing and said, “Iwa-chan, look that one has Santa riding in his sleigh!”
“Oh yeah that one is really nice,” Iwaizumi’s voice was happy.
I looked at him and I could see how bright the lights shined in his eyes. The glowed brighter than anything. I was briefly reminded that those were the eyes I had always admired. They were the ones that watched me break down and said things that we never verbally voiced out. That’s because there were no words to describe him, only the feelings that we felt.
He looked over at me and we made eye contact with each other. I so desperately wanted to feel his lips against mine again. I wanted to feel him under all the red lights. I grabbed his hands and faced towards him. I was being pulled into him like a magnet that I couldn’t help. Before our lips touched snowflakes started to fall in between us. We stopped to look up at the sky and that’s when it finally snowed.
“It’s snowing Iwa-chan!” I let go of his hands to reach out to see if I could catch a snowflake. I turned around towards him and saw that he was admiring me. His eyes were soft. That’s when a snowflake fell on his nose and we both laughed. I touched his nose with my index finger and that brought another chuckle along us. Iwa-chan pulled me by my waist and our foreheads touched together. We closed our eyes just enjoying each other’s presence. Our pure love for each other reminded me of the white snow.
We finished walking around with the snow lightly falling, but just before it came to near the end of the lights I turned around to Iwaizumi.
“I have an early Christmas gift for you Iwa-chan,” I was excited to give him a Christmas present.
“Awh, me too!” Iwaizumi said.
I was surprised that he also brought his gift, but I guess soulmates think alike. That made me happy to think of.
I took the box that had Iwa-chan's scarf in and handed it to. Iwaizumi gave me a small box and together we opened our gifts.
“I love the scarf, thank you,” Iwaizumi smiled as he held the scarf and I was glad he liked it.
I opened the little box and saw a necklace placed in there. On the necklace there was a small gold tag that read, “I love you”. I covered my mouth and looked up at Iwaizumi. I jumped to hug him. I was so happy I swear I cried a little on the inside.
“Thank you so much, Iwa-chan. I love you more,” I said those words so dearly because I really meant them.
I pulled away from him and we walked together to the car holding hands. Even though it was colder now, it was warm because of the feelings I have for Iwa-chan.
When we got into the car I told Iwa-chan, “I’m happy that you’re my soulmate Iwaizumi.”
Iwaizumi ruffled my hair softly and responded, “I’m happy that my soulmate is Oikawa.”
I was so tired from the whole day that I fell asleep in the car without realizing until Iwaizumi woke me up. We were already at my house.
“Do you want to come inside for a bit?” I offered.
Iwaizumi paused for a moment, but then spoke up and said, “No I’m okay. I would like you to get well rested.”
I felt the soft love tension between us and the longing to always be with each other. I wish we were fortunate enough to stay in a house together. That way there would never be a day to say goodbye. Only goodnight.
“Goodnight, Oikawa. I love you.” Iwaizumi softly said as he ruffled my hair again.
“Goodnight, Iwaizumi. I love you more.”
I got out of the car and waved goodbye to Iwaizumi before he drove off. I unlocked the door and headed straight to bed. I had only taken a short nap in Iwaizumi car, so I was still tired. Before I knew it I blacked out.

I wonder where I am. It’s snowing and in the distance I can see the bridge that Iwaizumi and I became official. There was someone at the bridge. I started walking towards the bridge and saw that it was Iwaizumi on the other side.
“Iwa-chan? What are you doing?” I was confused.
He didn’t say anything and just continued to walk across the bridge.
That’s when I woke up drenched in sweat. What the hell was that dream about? I don’t know why, but something in my gut told me that things were not right. It was about Iwa-chan. I looked down at the ring and necklace that Iwaizumi got me as I dialed his phone, but it went straight to voicemail. I called again as I pushed off the covers and ran out the door to get into my car. It didn’t feel right and something was wrong. I don’t know what it was, but I just had to get to Iwaizumi as fast as possible. I slapped the steering wheel frustrated that I didn’t know where Iwaizumi was. The only thought that was running through my head was; what’s Iwaizumi doing?
I rushed to the grocery store to see if he was there, but the lights were turned off. I went to the park, but as the snow had grown heavier- it was hard to see anything.
“Iwa-chan!” I called out desperately wanting to hear a reply back. I ran towards the bridge and there Iwa-chan was. Standing on top of the bridge, nearly over the waters. He was looking down at his feet with his back faced towards the river.
“Iwa-chan!” I yelled as I was running towards him. It feels like I am running so slow. Work legs- god damn it. The snow had piled up so high it was hard to run at my full speed. I felt the tears fill my eyes and stream down my face. I didn’t care about anyone or anything besides Iwa-chan right now. I screamed and ran with all my strength, desperately trying to reach him. My cries filled the park, but Iwa-chan still couldn’t hear them. I finally made it to the bridge. The world felt like it slowed down. I reached out my hands to reach my falling soulmate and I swear I felt Iwaizumi’s fingertips brush against mines. His eyes looked back at me. I couldn’t hear him, but his lips read one last, “I’m sorry Oikawa.”
I heard the final splash as it signified that he had hit the river. With the river taking him away tears also streamed down my face. I looked at my empty hand to see only the ring that Iwaizumi had given me. But I don’t want the ring now. I only want Iwaizumi- my soulmate.
I backed away from the bridge. Feeling defeated that I had never changed ever. I was still just as useless to Iwaizumi than before. I stared at the moon crying, shouting, and begging for it to give him back. To let me feel his pain instead. But it never responded and unlike the first time I cried at this bridge- I was really crying alone now. With no one to come after me. I don’t know how long I stayed there, but it didn’t matter anymore.
I looked over to see that Iwaizumi had left his phone, but I was in no mindset to do anything, but hold the last couple of pieces that I had of him. After what felt like hours I gathered all my courage and walked back to the car. I called Iwaizumi’s parents to tell them the news, but I couldn’t bring myself to hear their cries any longer.

The funeral for Iwaizumi finally came. There were those who cried and those who stared at those who cried with long faces. Everyone was wearing black underneath umbrellas to prevent the snow from falling onto them. There were people like Iwaizumi’s parents, other friends, co-workers, and so many other people that Iwaizumi had never introduced me to. Everyone gave their speeches, up until it was my turn to. I looked over in the crowd at everyone.
“Hajime Iwaizumi, was my significant other. He only offered love and support for me. I think we can all agree that he was a hardworking person and always thought about others before his own.” I didn’t have much else to say, but I was also trying so hard not to cry in front of Iwaizumi’s parents that I had no more words to say. I knew that if I said more, they most likely would sob even harder. The funeral ended with a couple of people speaking more. I couldn’t bring myself to see Iwaizumi sleeping in a caset. It was practically seeing him die all over again. Before I left, Iwaizumi's mother came to give me his cell phone and handed me the scarf that I had gotten for him. She told me that Iwaizumi had things for me in his cell phone.
I quickly gave my regards and left to sit in my car. I held back tears, knowing that if I were to cry right now- I would be too tired to drive home. The weather was sad and gloomy. I loved when it snowed that day I was with Iwaizumi, but the snow had now been given a new meaning. I had finally arrived home and tried to pick myself up to go cry in my bed, but I couldn’t do it. I clutched the scarf and sobbed until my eyes were all dried.

One year after the funeral

Things went back to the way they were just without Iwaizumi now. The days were still dreary and lifeless. I had no interest in being with anyone else, but Iwaizumi. I still remember the times we claimed each other as each other’s soulmates.
Regarding myself, I still work at the mall, but I decided to get a second job at the grocery store. Even though it reminded me of Iwaizumi and pained me. It was one of the few places left that he had left a positive mark at. It was comforting in its own way.
The only few things that I had of Iwaizumi were the jewellery, scarf, and his phone. His mother had told me at the funeral that there were things Iwaizumi wanted me to see, but I was never strong enough to accept what he wanted to say to me this time. Until today. I took a deep breath trying to calm down so I wouldn’t have that big of a breakdown. I unlocked the phone to see pictures of us as his wallpaper. I thought the first thing to do was go into his notes. There was one note inside.
Hey Oikawa, I’m guessing by the time you read this I am gone. I’ve explained everything on a handwritten letter behind your bed frame. Before you do that, I’ve left some memories for you, so you don’t forget me too fast. They’re in the photos compartment. Each photo correlates to a different handwritten letter to explain it.
I jumped to get the letters that were hidden behind my bed frame. I didn’t even realize they were located there this whole time. He must have done this when he came over to sleep. It was just like he said. Notes in envelopes that correspond to the pictures. They looked all too similar, until I realized that these were the papers I had given him for his birthday. I opened the red envelopes first as it was different from all the others. In the paper it read:
You’re probably wondering why I did what I did. I promise if I could have done anything to not hurt you as much as you are hurting right now, I would. I can’t do that, but being alive pained me so much that I didn’t want to live anymore. No matter what I did I just felt this constant state of sadness and it never went away. I just couldn’t fight anymore, unlike you who is always moving forward. You gave me life and a purpose to live. It was all I could have asked for. It would just be a pain and cause you to be another victim. There’s just some things that words cannot explain, because it’s how I feel.
I’m sorry Oikawa, I love you.
I moved the paper away from my lap to avoid the dropping tears to mess up another set of things left of Iwaizumi. I looked at the camera roll to see pictures of Iwaizumi and I. The first picture was the day where he took a photo of me feeding the ducks. Seeing it made me remember when I asked to see it. It was because he was saving it for this moment. And knowing that fact really made the picture hurt more. I opened the envelope with the number 1 on it to read what he had to say for this picture.
This was the day we fed ducks together and I was happy I got to take a picture of you because at the time I wished you smiled at me the same you smiled at those ducks. It was pure happiness in that moment with you. You never said anything, but we both knew it really was one of our perfect days that we wished we could have spent forever.
The second photo was the ones that Iwaizumi took of himself, while I was in the back playing with the water. The second letter read:
Remember this day when those girls came up to me? I told them that I had a boyfriend, because I was determined to make you mine for sure. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be yours.
When I saw the third picture and read it- I nearly almost sobbed louder. The picture was when I was stargazing and I can’t believe I never even noticed. As I was reading the third letter, the part that made me realize we were really soulmates was:
I knew we had fallen in love, but neither of us were able to say it.
There was only one picture left and it was when we were under the red light at our city lights date. It felt like it had just happened yesterday, but it was already over a year. The last note read:
There’s not much to say about this photo, but I just want to say as my official last words that the world continues to spin. The sun will rise the next morning and I know it may be hard, but the universe will not wait for you. Change will always come our way and I know change is scary for you. Know that you cannot continue to say things you’ll never say.
I swear if he was here right now I would tell him a million times over and over again that I love him so much. I should’ve told him all the things I never said at those times. Iwaizumi deserved to be told I love you as many times as he wants. But was it too selfish to ask Iwaizumi to keep fighting for me? Didn’t Iwaizumi tell me to not cry alone, when he was secretly this whole time? There were still so many things to talk about and questions to answer. Why would the universe take away my soulmate that I had fallen in love with when I was just 17. Regardless of all that, it’s how Iwaizumi stated. The universe will not wait for you.