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The first time is a week into their lives as trainees.
Jinhwan is sore and tired, and he misses home with the intensity of a thousand burning suns or some similar metaphor for deep feelings, as he mentions to Bobby one night in their shared room.
"With the intensity of a million charcoal barbeque grills," Bobby jokes, and Jinhwan watches his eyes crinkle at the corners. It's cute, kinda, and it'll definitely help him sell if he debuts.
(When we debut, Bobby had said, in a conversation not even three days into knowing each other, optimistic and forever smiling, and Jinhwan had been taken aback by how bright his entire character was.)
Jinhwan doesn't know how Bobby does it. Jinhwan might miss the sound of waves crashing on Jeju's shores, but home is merely a day trip out to the island for him. It would take a day and then some for Bobby just to get home, probably. Jinhwan has held his tongue from blurting out things about Jeju that he misses whenever Bobby is in the room. He has it good in comparison, and Bobby is almost a whole two years younger than him.
Instead he lets Bobby blabber on about home to Jinhwan, about his brother and his mom, and the differences in American and Korean food portion sizes. Hanbin is home for dinner with his mom, and Jinhwan is grateful that at least one of them is closer to home, especially since the last time Jinhwan had accidentally walked in on Hanbin speaking to his sister in the phone, voice wavering and eyes wet.
"I don't think he likes me," Bobby says all of a sudden.
"Hmm?" Jinhwan scrambles to remember the last name Bobby had mentioned. "Who, YG-sajangnim?"
Bobby rolls his eyes and kicks at Jinhwan's feet a little from his place further down the mattress they're both sitting on. "No, hyung. Hanbin."
Ah. Well then. "He isn't that terrifying."
"I didn't say he was terrifying, I just think he doesn't like me. So what should I do?"
A beat. "I've known him for a day longer than you have."
Bobby clutches at his Pooh plushie and pouts at him. Jinhwan can't remember the last time someone other than his sister had given him that expression and Jinhwan reaches out to pat Bobby's head a little awkwardly.
"We'll get closer somehow, we just need to talk more, see?" Jinhwan says, "Like you and me right now. We'll bond eventually."
If anything, Bobby just pouts harder. "But hyung—"
"I'm back!" Hanbin's voice comes from the foyer, sounding a little hesitant. Jinhwan can smell what seems to be home-cooked jeon, probably a gift from Hanbin's mother, and his stomach growls unhelpfully as Hanbin's thudding footsteps get closer to the bedroom.
"Mom gave me some food to share—oh, am I... interrupting something?"
Jinhwan still has his hand on Bobby's head, and Bobby and Hanbin look at each other awkwardly. Jinhwan sighs, ready to explain things, but then is struck with an idea.
"Hanbin-ah, our Bobby feels awkward around you—" Bobby makes a dying sound, and Jinhwan tries not to roll his eyes, "—so come here and help us think of a secret handshake worthy of becoming YG's new unit's trademark show of teamwork and friendship."
Bobby peeks at them from behind his Pooh, and Hanbin is still holding a plastic bag of now cooling food. Jinhwan is about to say something to break the silence when a sheepish smile breaks out on Hanbin's face. Sheepish or not, it's still a smile, and Jinhwan feels himself smile too, especially when Bobby shoots them both a toothy grin.
Hanbin sets his bag down by the door and pads over to them. "Okay."
---
The handshake ends up a little different every time.
It starts off fine, and for the next three weeks after they’d decided on a proper sequence of pointing and thumbwars, finger wiggles and high fives, they do fine. It’s a constant in their lives as trainees, especially when the rest of their time is spent trying to please dance and vocal coaches.
Then their group dynamics change, and the handshake changes too. It ends up a little different by the time Junhwe and Yunhyeong join them, more of a first bump then a linking of fingers if they have the time between rehearsals, and by the time that Donghyuk moves into the dorms, it’s more like a high-five. Hanbin has gotten better with new people over the past year, and Bobby is quick to catch Donghyuk in what he calls aggressively affectionate cuddles (that Junhwe claims are malicious headlocks), and they’ve all changed to slot together in a different manner, better, almost, if Jinhwan had to admit it.
Between the three of them though, things remain a constant, and Jinhwan is grateful. Hanbin takes to being constantly under Bobby’s outstretched arm as if he was born to be there, accepts Jinhwan’s praises with bashful smiles, and asks Yunhyeong his opinion on track arrangements and dance routines despite having more exposure to life behind the soundboards and on the stage than all of them combined. Hanbin loves easily once he gets to know people, and he respects all of them, the older members of the team especially, always keen to follow when it isn’t required of him to lead.
Bobby is a whole different story altogether. He loves freely and openly, trading touches and hugs within an hour of knowing you, and Jinhwan has collected many instances of full-body embraces and hand holding within the years of knowing him—they all have. Junhwe avoids it, Yunhyeong gives them back, and Donghyuk shines under the attention Bobby gives him.
Jinhwan is still the one who gets the talks, though, and he can’t help but feel a little more wanted and needed whenever Bobby slips under the covers with him in the middle of the night to let out his feelings. Bobby is warm whenever their heater isn’t—which is usually—and Jinhwan doesn’t mind, so Bobby is never turned away from potential heart-to-hearts.
“I just miss her, you know,” Bobby says, voice barely a whisper, but his face is devoid of tears. It’s past midnight in Korea, but it’s still day time in the States, and Bobby has just gotten off a late-night video call with his mom.
Jinhwan pats down Bobby’s fringe softly with his fingers. “I know,” he says gently, because he does know, for Bobby has never held back when it’s come down to talking about his feelings with Jinhwan, and Jinhwan likes providing emotional support in any way that he can. It’s just the two of them left in the dorms again, considering they’d finally gotten a couple of days off to be with their families, and though Jinhwan could have flown to Jeju the night before with Bobby in tow, he’d decided to stay back in the dorms with him instead.
It’s quiet under Jinhwan’s sheets for a while. Bobby wriggles closer, and when he reaches for Jinhwan’s hand, it’s so tentative that Jinhwan is honestly surprised. Only when Jinhwan curls his fingers around Bobby’s does the knitted crease of Bobby’s eyebrows smoothen out, though the slight frown on his face remains.
“What’s wrong?” Jinhwan asks, before settling in to wait. Bobby, when pensive, requires no coaxing to get his words out, only time.
Bobby just presses in closer, and his breaths are steady against Jinhwan’s shoulder. “There’s nothing wrong, hyung. I just… Can this… be our secret handshake too?” He says it with such concern and doubt in his tone that Jinhwan doesn’t even think to hesitate on his answer.
“It can be whatever you need it to be.”
---
Things really change after Who is Next is announced, when they’re all stressed out and shaken up from lack of sleep, dehydration, and nosebleeds in the middle of the night.
On a night when Donghyuk looks like he’s about to pass out from exhaustion, Jinhwan lets him take the shower first. Donghyuk breaks out into a tiny smile, but he’s still wary, eyes flitting between Junhwe who’s crashed on the couch and Bobby who stands by Jinhwan outside the door to his and Donghyuk’s shared room. Yunhyeong is probably sorting out his sleep clothes, and Jinhwan knows that Hanbin is sitting at their dining table looking over the day’s composition notes in his notebook. It’s only after a prod of approval from Bobby’s foot to the back of Donghyuk’s shin that he mumbles a sweet thanks, hyung and stumbles into their bathroom.
Jinhwan lets out a small sigh when the door clicks shut. Each of them usually take around 15 minutes to wash up, and with Donghyuk in there first, Jinhwan has just under that time to throw himself onto Donghyuk’s bunk for a short nap. Bobby seems to have the same idea as he does, judging by the hand on the small of Jinhwan’s back that guides him into the room, but any possibility of Jinhwan getting some shut-eye disintegrates when he picks up the sound of the door being locked behind him.
When he turns around, Bobby is looking at him, his expression sheepish, but Jinhwan can tell that he’s eager for something else other than a sleepy cuddle tonight. Warmth settles in the pit of Jinhwan’s stomach. It’s not as if they haven’t done this before, but this is the first time that things haven’t been hurried, haven’t been in the dark of the sound room or in the corner of the practice room where the cameras don’t reach.
Right now, the door is locked, and Jinhwan lets Bobby settle them both on the bottom bunk, Bobby’s legs swung over his own, and when they turn to each other to meet in a kiss, it’s easy. Jinhwan leans in when Bobby pulls on his hoodie, and the same goes when Jinhwan slips a hand into Bobby’s hair to tug him closer. Their kisses are chaste, the simple meeting of lips amidst shaky exhales, shared comfort in the middle of rushing to practices and knocking out for three hours in their beds.
Bobby’s lips are soft though chapped, and everything is comforting and calm until it’s suddenly not. Jinhwan brushes his hand down Bobby’s neck, and Bobby gasps into their kisses, lips parting under Jinhwan’s, and Jinhwan feels Bobby’s whole body shudder against him. There’s a stutter in their rhythm then, but then everything is a blur in Jinhwan’s mind, from his own fists clenching in Bobby’s shirt to the hot drag of Bobby’s tongue along the
backs of Jinhwan’s teeth. It’s overwhelming, and when they pull away from each other it’s to catch their breaths.
“So,” Jinhwan says slowly, still contemplating what they’ve just done, “what is this?”
Bobby swallows, and it’s audible even with Jinhwan’s harsh breathing filling the space between them. “It can be whatever we want—whatever you want it to be, hyung.”
Jinhwan looks at him, really looks at him, bright eyed Bobby with the big smile and bigger heart, and Jinhwan’s chest constricts at the deep flush on Bobby’s face that he’d caused.
With that, Jinhwan knows that seeing and feeling this once wouldn’t be enough.
“Okay,” Jinhwan nods, once, sharply. His eyes shift to look at the clock, and he can hear movement from the hallway outside the locked door of the bedroom. Donghyuk should be done soon. He looks back at Bobby, whose eyes move slowly from staring at Jinhwan’s lips and up to look him in the eye. He’s not subtle at all, and Jinhwan refrains from laughing incredulously at what they’ve gotten themselves into. He settles for words instead. “Do you want this to mean something?”
Bobby’s little smile falters then, and Jinhwan catches his hand in a grip before Bobby can pull away out of uncertainty. The next look Bobby gives him is softer, less confident, but the smile is still there, still genuine. “It doesn’t have to if you don’t want it to,” Bobby replies, but the hope is there in his eyes.
Jinhwan leans forwards to press a kiss against the corner of Bobby’s mouth, and he feels Bobby’s smile spread against his lips. “Let’s figure this out together then,” Jinhwan whispers, and Bobby noses into his hair, “but for now, let’s just call this another secret handshake.”
There’s a knock on the door then, Hanbin telling Jinhwan or Bobby to get their butts into the shower before he claims it for himself, and Jinhwan smiles at the whine in his voice. He shifts back to dislodge himself from Bobby only to see him still staring at the door, gaze lingering.
Jinhwan’s smile only grows wider. Bobby has never been very subtle.
---
Things come full circle after the Mix and Match final battle, when the other members are sent off for the remaining time before the results are released, and the dorm is too big, too quiet for the three of them to occupy more than one room at a time.
It’s the first time that Bobby and Jinhwan have included Hanbin in what they’ve been doing behind locked doors, though Jinhwan knows that Hanbin has probably known about what has been going on between them since that first night when Jinhwan and Bobby had to wrestle Hanbin away from the shower, lips still red and bruised from making out.
That, and the fact that Bobby could never keep Hanbin out of the loop for long, and Jinhwan has never denied anything the few times when Hanbin had stuttered out a questions to him in the dead of the night before fleeing to another room, red faced. It’s not that they haven’t messed around together as pairs in their own time, Bobby and Hanbin or Hanbin and Jinhwan, small touches and stolen kisses when no one was looking, but Hanbin has always been more unsure about change, and this is the first time that all of them are together in the same room, on the same bed, all cameras off and no one around to bother them.
And face it, Jinhwan thinks, if there’s anything at all that porn has taught him that he’s found out to be true, is that things are always hotter with someone watching.
From the corner of his eye, Jinhwan can see Hanbin sitting against the wall, lower lip caught between his teeth and one hand on his chest with his fingers clenched loosely around the fabric of his t-shirt. The grip is nothing compared to the one Bobby has in Jinhwan’s hair though, tight and on the border between pain and pleasure as Jinhwan whines into his mouth. Jinhwan is in his lap, his ass against Bobby’s crotch where he can feel his arousal through the material of his favorite pajama pants and Bobby’s house-shorts, but Jinhwan tries not to move, tries not to focus on how they’re all getting turned on because he doesn’t want things to escalate too fast between the three of them. Today is a day for testing the waters and guiding each other around boundaries, and Jinhwan knows how not to rush.
Bobby on the other hand dives headfirst into everything, and the same goes for the way that he kisses. Thorough and deep, almost as if he were searching for something, and Jinhwan shudders when Bobby’s nails scrape against the outer shell of his ears. From Jinhwan’s left, Hanbin makes a small sound, and he pulls away from Bobby to see Bobby’s fingers curled around Hanbin’s wrist, tugging gently.
Jinhwan moves back a bit then, sliding his fingers along Bobby’s inner thighs teasingly as he pushes himself off Bobby’s lap, and he responds to Bobby’s sharp gasp with a smirk. Hanbin eyes them both, still hesitant, but Bobby huffs at Jinhwan and moves over to lean into his shoulder to try and steady his breaths against Hanbin’s jaw. Hanbin visibly relaxes then, the way he always does when Bobby gets physically close to him, and the first kiss they share with Jinhwan watching is a lot less awkward than he’d thought it would be.
It’s sloppy, but that’s to be expected since Bobby and Hanbin are both eager people. Hanbin always eager to please and Bobby always eager to make people happy and comfortable. They kiss with more tongue and more saliva, unlike the way that Bobby kisses Jinhwan, with clashes of teeth and the occasional split lip, or the way that Jinhwan kisses Hanbin, softer and with more care, Jinhwan usually ending up with his teeth around Hanbin’s lower lip and Hanbin exhaling noisily through his nose. The way Bobby and Hanbin kiss is different, wetter, and Jinhwan lifts a thumb up to brush away the spit at the edges of their mouths gently.
The touch probably tickles, and Hanbin pulls away with a small laugh. His face is red, the flush travelling down his neck and into his collar, and Jinhwan likes the look on him, a little nervous, but mainly calm, and undoubtedly happy. Bobby laughs along with him and his fringe sticks to his forehead with the little sweat that’s formed there. Jinhwan looks at them both for the first time with sunshine streaming in through the windows and not the black of night, and finds that with the two of them here with him, he’s happy too.
“Do you want to continue?” Jinhwan asks, voice scratchy, turning towards a sheepish looking Hanbin who reaches out for him slowly. Bobby nods vigorously, eyebrows waggling, and Jinhwan smacks his knee before pulling Hanbin to him.
It isn’t long before Hanbin is melting into Jinhwan’s touch, Jinhwan’s hands threading through Hanbin’s hair carefully and sorting out a few tangles before he leans in to press their mouths together. It takes an even shorter time for Jinhwan to suck Hanbin’s lower lip into his mouth, biting teasingly at the edges and feeling the slight swell of it between his teeth. Jinhwan feels more than sees the blur of Bobby moving to sit closer to them, what with the hand that sneaks up Jinhwan’s thin t-shirt to stroke between his shoulder blades, and Jinhwan lifts one hand away from Hanbin to settle on Bobby’s cheek, thumb brushing along Bobby’s jaw as Jinhwan continues to lick into Hanbin’s mouth.
Kissing Bobby usually feels like hours to Jinhwan. The same goes for Hanbin now, and for once they actually have all that time to themselves. When Jinhwan and Hanbin finally pull apart, Jinhwan feels like he’s submerging from the depths of a calm ocean, and Bobby’s gaze on the both of them when he opens his eyes feels like the tide crashing against him, and the realisation that this is how they could potentially move forwards together comes almost as a shock.
“Hey,” Bobby gets his attention with a single word, and Jinhwan watches him trace down the knobs of Hanbin’s spine with his other hand. “It’s just us, hyung,” Bobby continues, but Jinhwan’s heart and mind has already settled for the comfort of the both of them there with him, in this together, for as long as iKon and YG can carry them.
Hanbin, on the other hand, seems more conflicted by Bobby’s hand on his back than he is reassured by his touch, and the furrow in his brow is deep-set and a little bit worrying. After a short moment of silence, Jinhwan gets his attention back to them with a tap of his fingers along Hanbin’s collarbones.
“Hanbin,” Jinhwan starts, and Bobby shifts to wrap his arms around them both. Jinhwan can always count on Bobby to use affection when it’s needed. Hanbin’s shoulders sag a little in his hold. “You need to stop overthinking things.”
“Okay,” Hanbin says after a beat, and when he looks up from his lap, the worried look in his eyes is still there, but it now shares its place with an equal bit of determination to make things work. And Jinhwan knows that deep down that’s all they want, to make this work out, to make them work out. “I trust you. I want this too.”
The I want you in his words goes left unsaid, but the three of them have had years of late night talks and practice in how to read each other.
They spend a little time just like that, heads bent towards each other and leaning in, shoulder to shoulder, just breathing together, not in respective pairs and the first time as three, and Jinhwan can feel the weight of the future on his shoulders, but all previous uncertainties about them as three have left his heart feeling free.
“What would we tell the others? What would we tell anyone if they ask what we’re doing?”
This is the question that Jinhwan had been fearing, almost, the distinction, the excuse for there being an us and a them, but Jinhwan has long known the answer to it. And this time, the words are out of Bobby’s mouth faster than they can even appear in Jinhwan’s mind.
“It’ll just be our secret handshake.”