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Zoey & Erin
“Hi everybody!”
“Greetings! Hello! I’m Erin.”
“I’m Zoey.”
“Salutations and welcome to Lore OlymPOD, the unofficial—"
“THE UNOFFICIAL,” the second woman interjected.
“Like I said, the unofficial radio and podcast show where we talk about the gods.”
“How they fucked up, or how I want them to fuck me up.”
“Whoa there, Zoey, are you thirst this early?”
“Bitch, it’s not early, I’m on Hera time!”
“And what time is that?”
“Two - Gin and Tonic O’clock.”
“Right?! Well, everyone, buckle up cause this is gonna be a fun one.”
Hades & Persephone
“What are you listening to?” Hades asked rolling his eyes and turning down the volume. Persephone tutted, putting the volume louder than it was to begin with and stuck her tongue out at him.
“Lore OlymPOD! It’s a weekly radio show hosted by a couple of nymphs and they are hilarious.”
“They called it a podcast, can’t you listen to this later?”
“No. I’d have to wait a whole week to hear what they have to say! Just stop being a grump and listen. They think your sexy and they love making fun of Zeus. You’ll love it, I promise.”
Hades grumbled but didn’t touch the volume as they continued their drive towards Zeus’ house for dinner. He’d do just about anything to make Persephone smile, and this show had already put her in a good mood. Which was saving something, because normally she was anxious when they went to dinner at his brother’s house.
Zoey & Erin
“What did you think of the storm last night?”
“I think someone is still salty about losing his case against the future queen of the Underworld.”
Hades & Persephone
“Ok, maybe you’re right, I can listen to this later,” Persephone blushed going to turn off the radio.
“Not so fast, Little Goddess, I’d like to hear this,” Hades said, putting his hand over the volume control on the dash.
“They talk about us a lot. I guess I didn’t realize that could be awkward,” Persephone admitted.
“Everyone talks about us.”
Zoey & Erin
“Seriously, Zoey. What kind of dipshit makes it rain to upset the literal goddess of flowers? Rain makes flowers grow. He’s only helping her out with his tantrum.”
“True, but I’m gonna need a new umbrella. I want one of those fancy ones with a hook thingy. What’s that part called?”
“The handle?”
“Yeah! That’s it. I need one of those and an old-fashioned light post so I can pretend I’m Gene Kelly.”
“Stop.”
“What?”
“If Zeus sees that, you’ll be smitted… smote? What’s the word? He will smite you!”
“Let him try. I moved to the Underworld. Let King Business Daddy Hades protect me!”
“Persephone will smite you there.”
“She can step on me anytime she likes.”
“Stop.”
“What?”
Hades & Persephone
“Step on her? What’s that supposed to mean?” Hades asked.
“It’s a compliment.”
“How is that a compliment?”
“It means that she’d let me do anything I want to her.”
“Oh?” Hades said, raising an eyebrow in interest. He suddenly wondered what these nymphs looked like.
“Down boy, don’t make me curse them, I am not immune to jealousy,” she snickered.
Zoey & Erin
“Did you hear that Zeus was seen at a Karaoke Bar the other night?”
“NO! Are you serious? Who told you this?”
“My neighbor works there. You’ll never believe what he was singing?”
“Was it It Wasn’t Me, by Shaggy?”
“What?”
“You know—” she began to sing.
But she caught me on the counter (It wasn't me)
Saw me bangin' on the sofa (It wasn't me)
I even had her in the shower (It wasn't me)
She even caught me on camera (It wasn't me)
“Do you seriously not remember that song?”
“I was like 5.”
“So was I! And I still remember the song.”
“It fits, but no, his song was even better. Get this The Thunder Rolls, by Garth Brooks.”
“Shut up!”
“I’m serious,” she began to laugh.
“Does he not know that song is about the guys wife murdering him when she finds out about an affair?”
“I don’t know!” Both nymphs began laughing harder.
“How many times do you think Hera has attempted to murder him?”
“Oh, at least 2 million.”
“At least! Could you imagine being the fucking goddess of marriage and having to be married to that asshole.”
“She deserves better.”
“We all deserve better!”
“Persephone’s got better.”
“That she does! Speak of Perspehone, what do you think she would sing for Karaoke?”
“Ummm, hmmm. Are we talking Flower Goddess Persephone or Future Dread Queen Persephone?”
“Either? Both?”
“Dread Queen is definitely Billie Ellish, You should see me in a crown.”
“Fuck yes! What about Girls Just wanna have fun, by Cindy Lauper?”
“Omg, yes! Also, All About That Bass because she’s—” the woman begins to sing and the other joining in right behind her.
Got the boom boom that all the boys chase
All the right junk in all the right places.
“Man I wish I had her ass.”
“Me too! Also, boobs, I’d like to have—you know—boobs in general.”
“Gurl, same!”
Hades & Persephone
“Is this all they do?”
“Mostly. It’s fun though. I do like those songs, so they aren’t wrong.”
“They’ve got somewhat decent sources. I have seen Zeus singing Karaoke and he does sing that song.”
“Really?” Persephone asked incredulously.
“He exclusively sings about thunder and lightning.” He chuckled and Persephone joined in the laughter.
Zoey & Erin
“What do you think Sea Daddy sings?”
“Oh man, I don’t know. I’ve never been to Atlantic, but I imagine it’s a lot of Beach Boys music and Jimmy Buffet,” and the women break into laughter and begin to sing again.
Waisted away again in margaritaville. Searching for my lost shaker of salt.
Hades & Persephone
“Is she ok? She sounds like she’s having an asthma attack,” Hades asked, genuine concern on his face.
Persephone was nearly in tears laughing. Zoey had a crazy laugh that was infectious—it also sounded like she couldn’t breathe. Or maybe it was Erin, she’s wasn’t entirely sure. Their voices sounded similar. “Yeah, she’s fine, that’s just her laugh. Now shush.”
Zoey & Erin
“What do you think Hades would sing?”
“Short skirt, Long Jacket.”
“Oh my gods, yes!”
Hades & Persephone
Persephone burst out laughing and Hades smirked. They had danced and goofed around to this song on numerous occasions.
Zoey & Erin
“Ohhh, what about—” the host said and began singing
There used to be a graying tower alone on the sea.
You Became the light on the dark side of—
The other woman joined in belting out the song.
Love remained a drug that’s the high and not the pill.
But did you know that when it snows
my eye become large and the light that you shine can be seen?
They ended the song and immediately broke into laughter again.
Hades & Persephone
“I don’t know that song,” Hades admitted.
“I don’t know most of these songs,” Persephone giggled, wiping tears from her eyes. “I’ll email them if you’re interested.”
Zoey & Erin
“Alright guys, were gonna have to leave you there. I hope everyone had a great holiday and a happy new year! Stay safe and as always, we’ll see you next week.”
“We’ve done a lot of singing tonight, so we’ll leave you on this oldie but goodie. Seal, Kiss from a rose. Bye.”
“Bye!”
“Byyyyye!”
They laugh again and the song begins to play as their voices fade.
Hades & Persephone
Persephone turns the volume down so that the song place quietly in the background. “See, I told you it wasn’t that bad. I missed some of it because of your talking. I wonder if they did Hera’s song.”
“Hera would never be caught singing a song at Karaoke. It’s Ares who would surprise you.”
“Oh really?”
“It’s all love power ballads from the 80s,” Hades laughed, and Persephone joined in.
“That doesn’t actually surprise me at all.”