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Mondo would often have days where all the negative thoughts he ever had about himself would come crashing down on him, all his doubt and self pity multiplied by 10 weighing down on his shoulder. Mondo never talked about it with anyone, his beautiful and amazing boyfriend who deserves the world, Taka, knew of their existence but Mondo could never bring himself to be open about his emotions. He always felt he had to be strong for his boyfriend, and protect him at all costs. You can't be strong when you’re vulnerable, that’s one lesson he hammered into his brain.
One day the thoughts got so bad he ended up punching a wall in a panic, Taka was in their bedroom nearby when it happened so obviously he heard and came running to check on his boyfriend only to find Mondo kneeling on the ground gripping his hair like his life depended on it and a fist sized hole in the wall. Taka immediately knelt down next to Mondo and pulled his wrists away from where they were on his head and saw how glassy Mondo’s eyes were. He was just barely holding in his tears.
“Are you okay, what happened?”
“What do you fuckin think?” Okay snappy but that’s fine. Taka turned Mondo’s hands around, his right one was covered in black and blue bruises and just the tiniest bit of blood crept down between his ring and middle finger.
“I’ll be back okay? I’m going to get the first aid kit.” As soon as Taka hoisted himself up Mondo let his hands fall to his knees. He was absolutely not about to let himself cry no matter how hard he wanted to, it was simply not an option. He was not about to be weak in front of the person he’d willingly give his life for. What would that say about him as a boyfriend?
The soft padding of footsteps behind him notified Mondo that Taka had returned, and had resumed his position relative to Mondo and began doing whatever it is you do when you bruise your hand. They sat there in silence for a good minute as Taka carefully and gently handled Mondo’s right hand. Mondo was expecting a lecture. Something like ‘Mondo you need to control yourself!’ ‘Mondo what’s wrong with you?’ ‘Mondo you good for nothing piece of-
“How does it feel?” Taka had snapped him out of his thoughts. It took him a minute to take in everything before he was able to answer.
“Better.”
“Good, I’m glad.” Taka held his right hand in between his two frailer hands, gently petting the top of his knuckles.
“You- you aren’t mad that I punched a hole in the wall?” Mondo hated how stupid he sounded saying that. How vulnerable he was in front of his boyfriend, the man he was supposed to protect.
“We can fix that, it doesn’t matter.” That was a first. Everything mattered to Taka. “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I was more concerned with a wall than with you?” It still felt weird hearing that word. Boyfriend. It had been nearly 6 months since they first got together and it still felt so new and foreign to him. “I’m more concerned with what made you punch the wall in the first place. Do you want to talk about it?” He hated the way Taka was looking at him right now. How laced with pity he looked. No that’s not right. It’s not pity. He’s concerned. He’s your boyfriend, he cares about your well being.
“It's just... it’s been one of those days.” Taka knew exactly what he meant. Mondo had told him way before they started dating about his depressive episodes. How he woke up some days and immediately felt like shit. How the thoughts of self doubt and pity came in waves each one stronger than the last. How some days it got so bad he wanted to pass out on the floor and never wake up. “Today was... worse obviously. Everything just came crashing down at once and I was too weak to handle it-'' He felt a hand placed over his heart. A gentle reminder from Taka that he was breathing like he had just run a marathon.
“Mondo you could’ve... you could’ve came to me. You know that right?” Of course he knew that but...
“But what if you become the next wall?”
“Huh- oh.”
“I can’t let that happen, Taka. I’m suppose- I’m supposed to be the one protecting you but what if... I hurt you? I'm not gonna let that happen.”
“That’s not gonna happen love.” Normally being called ‘love’ would melt Mondo’s poor heart, but right now he just wanted to cry his eyes out.
“How are you so sure?”
“Because I know you’d never do something like that to me.” How? How could he say that with such confidence? Taka completely and unconditionally trusted Mondo with his life, and Mondo could not be more confused.
“I definitely could and I’m not-“ He was cut off my two small hands squishing his cheeks closer to each other.
“It’s not gonna happen Mondo. I know it’s not.”
“But-“
“If it makes you feel better I’ll use a pillow as a shield. Just in case you do decide you need to punch some anger out.” The thought made Mondo laugh. Not his usual booming laugh, just a small laugh only for Taka to hear. Leaning closer to his boyfriend he captured him in a hug.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, dear.”