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Thorin looked at the bouquet on his hand with a smile, he had decided it was time he told Bilbo how he felt and ask him out on a date. He caught his neighbour on the door ready for a night out, Bilbo wore a casual evening shirt and chinas, “so handsome” Thorin thought.
“Hey there, handsome!”
“Bilbo, you going out?”
“Yes, got a date with Bofur” that crushed Thorin’s heart, he knew he hadn’t made any declaration yet, but thought Bilbo knew how he felt. “What about the flowers?”
“It’s nothing, you’re gonna be late, see you later.”
“No, wait” the blonde’s hand on his arm stopped him. “Are you alright?”
“Just leave me alone, for once” he spatted, he knew it was not Bilbo’s fault and that he was not being fair, but it hurt badly and he just wanted to get home and let no one in.
Thorin got into his flat, leaving Bilbo heartbroken on the hallway. Baggins got into the lift trying not to cry and failing miserably. He knew he was being silly, it was not such a big deal, but Thorin had only been loving and respectful to him until now, and his harsh demeanor had brought forward past memories. He looked his cheerful self when he arrived at the pub where Bofur awaited, it was the same it had been on his date with Frerin.
They hugged, asked for a pint and got a table. Speaking with Bofur had always been easy, he had this air of aloofness around him that made anyone feel welcome to speak freely. Someone was singing ‘Let her go’ on the karaoke making Baggins feel as if something was amiss.
From time to time Bilbo’s eyes looked towards the corner where Thorin and Dis had been hiding last time he got a date, hoping to see them there again. It didn’t happen. A sigh beside him turned his attention back to his companion, something was wrong.
“How’s Nori? I’ve been following his tattoos on Instagram, but he’s not posted anything for a week or so.”
“He’s leaving for Amsterdam.”
“For how long? He’s going to that convention he posted about on his stories?”
“I suppose so, he’s staying there” there was something on the tone, something between hurt and sadness.
“Bofur, what do you mean? What happened?”
“Last week he came to me speaking of this convention in Amsterdam, he wanted me to come with him, to present me to his great tattooer friends and show me that world, and…”
“You freaked out” Bofur nodded slowly. “What happened then?”
“I told him no, I told him I was having a date with you.”
“Oh, fuck!”
“Yep, I fucked it all.”
“But Bofur, why?!”
“I don’t know, it’s been difficult, you know? I’ve been in love with him for years now, since uni or so.”
“You never went to uni, Bofur.”
“Oh, you got what I mean. The thing is that he’s always been free, Bilbo, this type of person that comes and goes as he wishes and I’ve been waiting so long for him to give me everything, and now it’s like he’s giving me something more, not more, it feels like he’s giving me everything, and I can’t take that freedom from him.”
“So you freaked out and hurt him.”
“Yes.”
“Didn’t you think that his freedom is his to give? That it’s not your choice but his to give it to you?”
“I didn’t realise till I burned that bridge, till he told me he’s leaving for good, now there’s no way back.”
“That’s not true! Trust me, that guy loves you, oh boy! He looks at you like you’re the world for him, like you’re the only reason the sun rises every morning...”
“Like Thorin looks at you?”
“Thorin? What do you mean?”
“I saw it on that first Christmas, nearly two years ago, and it has never changed, you look at him the same way. We made bets, I lost, thought you’d be together already, proved me wrong when I said date and you said yes”
“Oh shit, holy shit.”
“You just realised, didn’t you?”
“More or less, I thought he just liked me, nothing else.”
“Believe me, Thorin falls for you again every time you smile, I’ve seen it happen, time and time again.”
“No wonder he looked so hurt.”
“Well, good to see I’m not the only one to screw up.”
“Nice to make you feel better, my friend” Bilbo said sarcastically, then he got up from his seat. “Lets go.”
“Where?”
“We’re going to find Nori and speak with him, and later I’ll go home and speak with Thorin.”
“Late, Nori’s leaving today.”
“What?! I’m calling Ori, you pay the bill!”
Nori had left for Heathrow half an hour ago, Ori told them all he knew about the flight, and Bilbo and Bofur went to the airport trying to figure out how they would find the tattoo artist on such a huge place. ‘Let her go’ sounded on the radio and Bilbo switched it off thinking, “not on my watch!”.
For the weeks that came after, Bilbo and Bofur wouldn’t believe how lucky they had been in that moment, because on the main entrance of the airport, on the information point was Nori, asking for indications from the assistant. Bofur shouted for him and the tattooist turned to look at them, he just left his luggage there and hugged Bofur tightly before kissing him soundly.
A bit later he spotted Bilbo and mouthed a “thank you” with a bright watery smile. They left the airport when Nori’s flight took off and Bilbo give Bofur a lift to his house. When he got home he checked Instagram to gain some time, Nori had posted a new photo, of him and Bofur kissing on the airport, ‘Leaving for Amsterdam but not for long, I’ll miss you, my love.’ Bilbo smiled and get out of the car. Thorin’s flat was closed and empty, he tried to call him but someone on the other side of the line hung up, “fine” thought Bilbo “let him the space he needs” he took his guitar and sighed.
“ Well you only need the light when it's burning low, Only miss the sun when it starts to snow, Only know you love her when you let her go” and Bilbo cried.