Chapter Text
"And?" Olivia asked as tears burned her eyes. She knew he had more to say. He had to have more to say, after what they shared he had to have more
"I've got to move on" Rafael said emotionally. It took every fiber of Olivia's being not to start sobbing when he placed a kiss to her forehead
Olivia stood there and looked on as his tan coat disappeared into the sea of blue and black. She blinked back tears. She would not cry, not here in front of the courthouse. She needed to get home as soon as possible
xxx
Olivia felt her tears mixing with the hot water of the shower. How could he just leave?
Olivia knocked on his door. She wasn't even sure why she came. "Rafa?"
He opened the door and pulled her in
"Rafa, I shouldn't be here. Not in the middle of your trial, we shouldn't be talking"
"I might go to jail" he rushed out
"You won't go to jail Rafa" she touched his shoulder. "Everything's gonna work out fine"
"Incase it doesn't go well, I need to do this"
"Do wha-" Olivia's words were cut off by Rafael pressing his lips to hers. Olivia knew she should push him away but God, this felt so good.
Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck as she slightly parted her lips.
Rafael moaned as he swiped his tongue tentatively along her bottom lip. He pulled back for some air a few seconds later and placed his forehead on hers. "Tell me to stop and I'll let you walk away" he said breathlessly
"Don't stop" she panted.
She had woken up some hours later, only covered in his sheet and a note from Rafael on the pillow next to her.
'I had to go. I'll see you later - Rafa'
That had been the last time he had spoken to her. Touched her. Kissed her.
Olivia hung her head down. How stupid could she get to think that he would stay just because they had sex. He didn't even look back at the courthouse. He didn't care.
Maybe she was just some notch on his board. Maybe it was just the last plea of a desperate man.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Noah pounding on the door. "Mom! You've been in there a long time. Are you okay?"
"I'll be out soon No. Give me a quick minute"
______
"Hey" Fin greeted when she walked off the elevator
"Hey" Olivia mumbled back
"Look, I heard about Barba leavin'. I just wanna say-"
"Can we just drop it?" Olivia said. "Because I really don't want to talk about it"
Fin nodded. "No problem. Dr. West's trial is starting in about an hour"
"Give me a few minutes" Olivia said before she walked to her office and closed her door. She leaned heavily against it and let out a deep breath before pulling herself together to start her day.
That was the last anyone in the squad spoke of Rafael Barba for the next two months
______
"Noah! Honey! It's time to go!" Olivia called out as she grabbed her bag. She didn't even have time to drink coffee yet. They had both overslept after Noah had woken her up in the middle of the night with a nightmare
"But I don't wanna go" Noah pouted
"You have to go to school" Olivia said ushering him towards the door.
"If I go, can we have spaghetti for dinner?"
"Spaghetti night is tomorrow sweet boy"
"Can't we have it two nights?" Noah begged
Olivia was too tired to think of a proper answer. "Sure we can even have it three nights if you want. But, we need to get going"
xxx
"Don't you look well refreshed" Amanda teased as she joined Olivia in the elevator.
Olivia chuckled as she took off her sunglasses. "Noah had a nightmare. It took me an hour to get him back to sleep and then another hour for me to get back to sleep" she explained
"Ouch" Amanda winced. "I do not envy you"
"I can't wait to go back home and sleep" Olivia said stifiling a yawn
"Guess you're going to be hugging the coffee today"
______
Olivia's eyes snapped open when she heard her alarm a few mornings later. She glared at the clock. It felt like she had just closed her eyes. For the past three days it felt like she just blinked and it was morning and every part of her body was tired
She let out a deep breath. Even her bones felt tired if that were possible.
The urge to hit snooze and fall back asleep was strong but she fought against it and sat up.
"You're getting old Benson" Olivia mumbled as she swung her legs off the bed.
Thank God for coffee
xxx
"Detective Tutuola"
Fin looked up to see Chief Dodds near his desk. "How can I help you chief?"
"Is your lieutenant in? I need to speak with her"
"Lemme go check" Fin said getting up and going to Olivia's office
"Hey Liv" Fin started as he pushed open her door. He stopped short when he saw her hunched over her desk. Her head resting on her forearms as she slept.
Damn. He didn't want to be the one to tell Dodds that Olivia was sleeping in the early part of a shift, but he told Dodds he would check. "Ya'll don't pay me enough" he muttered as he walked back to where Dodds was waiting.
"She's unavailable right now"
"So who were you standing up there looking at?" Dodds asked as he pushed past Fin to Olivia's office
"Hey man, don't do that" Fin called out
"Lieutenant Benson" Dodds said with a booming voice
Olivia snapped up, making herself dizzy as blood rushed out of her head. She started blinking rapidly as she wiped the corners of her mouth.
"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" He asked with a raised eyebrow
"N-no sir" she said as she adjusted her blazer. "How can I help you?"
"I thought since I was in the neighborhood, I would pass and collect your progress reports, but seeing as you are oherwise engaged"
"I can get them to you by the end of the week" Olivia offered
"Today is the end of the week"
It is? "First thing Monday morning."
"I expect them on my desk"
"I'm really sorry bout that" Fin said. "I told him you were unavailable I thought he would leave."
"It's okay" Olivia waved him off. "I shouldn't be sleeping anyway"
"Everything okay?" Fin asked
"Yeah" Olivia pushed herself into a standing position. "Just feels like as soon as I close my eyes at night, it's morning."
"Man, I know that feeling. Coffee's still half full" he pointed out
Olivia gave a small laugh. "If I drink another cup, I'll have a worse caffiene addiction than Rafa"
Fin paused this was the first time she had mentioned Barba. "Well we can't have that. Take a sprite" he offered
______
"Hey any of you seen Liv?" Amanda asked as she closed her office door
"She not in there?" Fin asked
Amanda gave him a stare. "Yes I obviously saw her in there and decided to ask where she was"
Fin rolled his eyes. "What you need her for?"
"Me and Carisi have to chase down a lead, I just wanted to let her know"
"You could always tell me y'know"
"Ehh. You barely count. I would text her. Where's my phone?" Amanda said patting down her body. "Break room"
"You want me to wait?" Carisi asked
"Go Carisi. I'll meet you in the car. Lemme just get my phone and tell Liv where we are"
She walked into the breakroom and stopped when she saw Olivia curled up on the bottom bunk.
"Liv" she said softly as she shook her shoulder. "Liv" she said a bit louder when she got no response.
"Noah" Olivia mumbled sleepily without opening her eyes. "Let mommy sleep"
"It's Amanda. You're in work"
Olivia opened her eyes. "What?" She yawned
"Me and Carisi are gonna go chase down a lead, just wanted to let you know"
"You could have told Fin. There's a reason he's sergeant." Olivia grumbled. She had just closed her eyes. All she wanted was a few minutes
"We go to him when you're not here. I was just going to text you but then I saw you in here" Amanda paused and looked at Olivia. "Everything okay? You usually catnap in your office"
"I'm fine. I just wanted to shut my eyes for a few minutes"
"Are you sure? You've been napping more in the past two weeks"
"Rollins just go" Olivia huffed
"I'll text you the info" Amanda said rushing out of the breakroom
Olivia grabbed her phone that was next to the pillow. She had set an alarm to wake her up in ten minutes. Might as well disable it. Olivia was suprised when she unlocked her phone and saw that twenty minutes had passed. Somewhere along the line she had hit snooze
She needed a pick me up. The coffee pot was too far away and empty. She didn't have the energy to get another pot started. Take a sprite. Fin's advice had helped the last time
Olivia went to the vending machine. She smoothed out the money as best as possible before sticking it into the machine. Olivia yawned as she heard the can of soda make its way down. She bent down to get the soda. As she stood back up the room spun slightly.
Olivia put a hand on the vending machine to steady herself. She wanted to take a step towards the chair but her world slowly turned to black
xxx
Fin strode over to the breakroom. With Carisi and Amanda gone, the station was the Q-word. Perfect time for a water break
As he entered the room he spotted a familiar pair of boots on the ground. "Liv" Fin kneeled down next to her and nudged her head slightly. There was no response
"Liv. Olivia" Fin patted her cheek gently. "Somebody call a bus!" He shouted out to the bullpen. "Come on Liv. Wake up"
xxx
Olivia started to wake up in the ambulance. "What?"
"Nice to see you again" Fin said gently
"What's happening?" Olivia asked as she tried to sit up
"Lieutenant, I need you to lay back down" a male voice said and her shoulder was gently pushed back down. Olivia turned and saw a paramedic next to Fin.
"BP is 100/57" he mumbled as he jotted it down on a clipboard. "Do you remember what happened?"
"I remember getting a soda. That's it"
"Well your friend found you passed out. Any health conditions we should know about?"
"No" Olivia answered. "Unless you count stress as a health condition"
xxx
Fin eased himself into the room after the doctor. "They said what's wrong?" He asked
"He took some blood and said the results should be back in about 15 minutes." Olivia ran a hand along her face. "What happened?"
"You tell me. I came in to get a water and see you sprawled out on the ground"
Olivia groaned. "How many people saw that?"
"Not alot. The few that were there, I threatened to shoot them in their knees if they said a word about this"
Olivia gave a small smile. "Thanks"
Fin shrugged "Hey why have a gun, if I can't shoot people in your honor"
"I just want to get out of here before everyone realizes and starts asking questions"
"You sure you not hiding some secret sickness?" Fin asked
"The only thing that I've been hiding is being exhausted" Olivia answered honestly
"It's been a tough few weeks." Fin put a hand on her shoulder. "You would find out what's happening soon enough"
xxx
The doctor knocked on the open door before entering. "I have your test results"
"Imma be right outside" Fin said getting off the chair
"You could stay" Olivia said. She was honestly nervous, not that she would ever tell Fin. Waking up in the back of the ambulance was not something good. The news was probably not going to be, get some more sleep. She needed some form of emotional support for whatever news they were going to throw at her.
The doctor looked between the two of them before starting "So your blood pressure is still a bit low but that isn't anything of concern. The lightheadedness coupled with vasodilation probably caused your lack of consciousness. Sadly we don't have anything to give you to help with that. I can just advise you to take your time when standing up and continue to eat regularly. Let me just do a quick ultrasound to make sure everything is okay"
"I'm sorry. A quick ultrasound of what?" Olivia asked
"The baby" the doctor said looking between the two shocked faces. "You're pregnant"
"Now I need to sit down" Fin said