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He had started to notice just before the Moose Jaw show. Tessa looked tired to him, and seemed to lack a bit of her usual sparkle. He’d been surreptitiously keeping an eye on her since then, noting how little she ate, and the fact that she disappeared almost every night to do school work. And not that Scott made a habit of tracking Tessa’s love life, but he was observant and she’d been his best friend for nearly two decades. So it didn’t escape his notice that she’d barely looked at her phone all week and hadn’t mentioned Ryan once. He’d asked her a couple of times if she was okay and she’d just smiled half-heartedly and said she was just tired.
The thing was that Tessa at half power was brighter and better than most mortals at a 100%, so he was pretty sure no one else noticed. The show was great, she smiled brightly for the group photos, and charmed the pants off everyone at the meet and greets; but the smiles always fell away too quickly, and the laughs sounded a bit hollow. And the other thing? She hadn’t mentioned Christmas once. Tessa loved everything about Christmas; the lights, the decorations, the presents, the treats (especially the treats). Jesus he’d once followed her to 3 different home improvement stores because she wanted a blue spruce garland dammit, not pine and she was not going to settle. There was more than one picture of them in coordinating Christmas outfits that Tessa had chosen for them. She loved, loved, loved the holidays; and they were two weeks away and she hadn’t said a word.
They were finishing up their warm up the afternoon before their show in the Sault, when he could take it no more. As they stepped off the ice he grabbed her hand and said, “Come with me,” pulling her down the corridor and in to a dressing room. He stood in front of her with his arms crossed.
“Alright T, you are going to tell me what the hell is up with you and will not accept some bullshit about you just being tired. Spill it,” Scott demanded.
Tessa looked at her skates and “I’m fine Scott, really. I just…”
“Jesus you’re infuriating. Come here.” Scott interrupted, pulling her in to the circle of his arms. For a long moment Tessa remained rigid, arms wrapped around herself, but he slowly felt her relax in to him, and her arms slipped around his waist. Neither of them said anything. Scott ran his hands up and down her back, and concentrated on slowing his breathing so that she would too, until he realized her breath was hitching. He looked down and could see tears running down Tessa’s face. He squeezed her tighter, murmuring soothing nonsense in to her hair as her crying intensified. He didn’t know how long he held her like that before her shoulders stopped shaking, and he felt her breathing slow. He shifted her until he held her firmly with one arm, and slowly moved them until they were sitting side by side on the bench. He wiped the last of her tears from her cheeks with his thumb, and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Okay. Let try this again T,” he said gently, “What’s going on?”
“Is it a cop-out if I say everything?” she replied ruefully. “It’s just I’m feeling a little overwhelmed with school, and I miss competing kind of, which is crazy I know, but I do and also Ryan and I broke up and it’s overdue, but he said some not very nice things and I feel stupid and like I wasted my time with him, and I don’t really feel like I know what I’m doing most of the time, and also it’s weird not seeing you as much I’m used to and…” she stopped abruptly, “I’m rambling.”
“Well, yeah a little but lemme just make sure I got it all. First: school’s sucking fairly hard, yes?”
“Yes,” Tessa replied, a small smile sneaking its way on to her lips.
“Number two, your boyfriend is now your ex-boyfriend and is clearly a douche. So before I decide just how badly I need to kick his ass – because he disrespected my girl and I WILL kick his ass – I need to tell you that you’re well shot of him T. Seriously he wasn’t even close to being good enough for you.” Scott squeezed her shoulder and she leaned in to him, closing her eyes. “Thanks,” Tessa said softly, “but I chose him so what kind of idiot does that make me?”
“Oh shit T, we all make crap relationship decisions,” Scott replied, “I’d suggest we revisit some of mine to make you feel better, but we have a show in 3 hours and don’t have that kind of time.” Tessa giggled a little and Scott could feel the slight change in her posture. A little more of the tension seeped out of her, and she shifted closer to him on the bench.
“And as for missing competition and feeling weird not seeing me as much? I’m right there with you Tutu. I don’t miss the pressure, or the schedule, but I’d be lying if I said I knew what to do with myself most days. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been somewhere and turned to tell you something only to realize I’m talking to myself because you’re not there. Or worse yet I’m saying something stupid to someone who’s not you and really doesn’t get me and is looking at me like I’m a crazy person.” Scott took a deep breath before continuing, glancing down and their intertwined fingers. “Truth is this last few weeks rehearsing and doing this show is the most normal I’ve felt in months. I don’t know if that’s weird or what, and there’s no one to ask, because no one else has really been through what we’ve been through. Maybe we could ask Meryl and Charlie if we still had that kind of relationship,” he mused. “Anyway I’m going to stop talking now because I’m monologuing like a friggin’ Bond villain over here and it’s getting ridiculous.”
Tessa smiled and squeezed his hand, “It’s good to know I’m not the only one feeling weird about all the changes. I thought maybe you were perfectly fine and it was just me who felt out of balance without you. Like maybe I was the only one not coping well.”
Scott snorted, “Ha! No worries T – I’m hanging by a thread most days.”
“I should have told you sooner,” Tessa said quietly.
“I should have asked sooner,” Scott responded simply.
********
The show went amazingly well, and it reminded Scott of how important the health of his relationship with Tessa was to his life and to their skating. He saw what he considered Tessa’s first real smile in weeks, and this time she didn’t disappear right after the meet and greet. They sat at table at the hotel bar, surrounded by their friends, eating and laughing and generally feeling right with the world.
“So what are you doing for Christmas?” Scott asked, “You haven’t mentioned a thing and surely it’s almost time to strong-arm your closest friends in to your annual baking marathon.”
“Ugh. Don’t mention Christmas. I’m boycotting this year.” Tessa replied, sticking out her tongue like a 5-year old.
“I’m sorry, who are you and what have you done with Tessa Virtue? Boycott Christmas? There were 3 Christmas trees in your house last year Tessa. Three. And they all had coordinating bows. What are you talking about?” Scott demanded.
“Well my parents are going to Australia to see Jordan, and my brothers will be with their families, and I basically haven’t been home in a month so I have no decorations up. Also I’ve bought, like, 2 Christmas gifts. I hate doing anything half-assed Scott, so I’m just going to lay low and let Christmas slide by me this year. I’m too tired.” Tessa finished lamely, fidgeting with her drink.
“Huh.”
“Huh what?” Tessa demanded.
“Nothing.”
****
It was a cock-eyed scheme to be sure, but if there was one thing that Scott knew it was how to be ridiculously over the top. People teased him about his propensity for grand gestures and his love of romcoms, but he thought that if something was worth saying it was worth saying loud (literally and figuratively). So he shoved any nagging doubts about his plans aside, decided this definitely constituted an acceptable use of his emergency key to Tessa’s house, and started to unload his car. He had 4 days.
****
Tessa was fighting to keep her eyes open as she pulled in to her neighbourhood. The truth was she probably shouldn’t have been driving. She hadn’t planned to come home until tomorrow, but when she finished her last meeting she just couldn’t face another night not in her own bed, so she’d gotten in the car and hit the 401 (at rush hour, of course). Now all she wanted was to be home, have a hot shower, get in her pyjamas, and sit on her couch with a cup of tea. Sure, it would have been better with a pretty Christmas tree to look at, and all the Christmas lights on her street were making her feel a little sad about her decision to basically skip Christmas this year, but she was almost home and that would have to be good enough.
She actually missed her house the first time. She didn’t realize until she came to the stop sign that she’d actually driven right by it without stopping. She turned around and headed back up the street, shaking her head at herself and thinking she really shouldn’t be driving right now. As she got closer to her house, however, it started to dawn on her why she might have driven right by. She had been looking for dark and silent, but instead her house was blazing with light. She stopped her car dead in the middle of the street and just stared, her mouth hanging open a little. There were white Christmas lights strung all over her bushes and around her entryway, those lights shaped like candles in all of her windows, and warm light spilled out of her living room windows. What the hell was going on? After a moment of just staring she shook herself a little, and slowly pulled in to the drive.
When she stepped in to her entryway her reaction was immediate and visceral; tears streamed silently down her face as she took in the elegant garland on her bannister, her favourite decorations on her hall table, a beautiful tree in her living room. It even had gifts under it. She wasn’t sure how long she stood there before she heard Scott’s voice calling her softly from down the hall.
“Tessa? You’re home early,” Scott cleared his throat nervously as he wiped his hands on a dish towel. He’d clearly been baking something. Tessa could smell cinnamon, and he had a smudge of flour on his cheek. “I didn’t mean to be here when you got home. I’m sorry if this is weird, I just, you seemed really down and I thought…hey T, don’t cry…” The rest of his words were cut off as Tessa dropped her bags, covered the distance between them in three long strides and launched herself in to his arms. Scott dropped the dish towel and wrapped his arms around her. If he was being honest he was a little concerned by her reaction. Tessa was really crying; her body shaking and he could feel the wetness from her tears through his t-shirt.
“Shhh, T, shhh. It’s okay,” he murmured, caressing her hair and back. She quieted after a moment, and he pulled back a bit, lifting her chin until her eyes met his. “What’s going on T? I wasn’t trying to make you sad,” he said, concerned.
“You didn’t make me sad,” Tessa said hoarsely, “this is hands down the sweetest, most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me.” Tessa’s voice grew stronger as she spoke. “There is no one else in my life who would ever do something like this, no matter how much they love me,” she went on, sniffling, “I shouldn’t really be surprised though. You’ve always known just how to make me feel better when I was sad or scared, and you’ve got the biggest heart of anyone I know.” She hugged him tightly again, pressing her face in to his neck, “I love you Scott. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome Tutu. I love you too,” Scott responded, smiling. He slid his left hand down to grasp her right one. “Come in to the kitchen. The cookies just came out of the oven. You can have one with a cup of tea and I’ll get out of your hair.”
“No!” Tessa responded, a little too vehemently. “I mean, um, you don’t have to go. Please don’t go. I need to grab a shower because I’m gross, but then if you don’t have plans maybe we could eat the cookies together and watch a movie or something?” she ended hopefully.
“I don’t have anywhere to be. Go have your shower. I’ll tidy the kitchen and find us something festive to watch.” Scott smiled and tucked a stray hair from her ponytail behind her ear, lingering a second longer than was really necessary. Reluctantly he let go of her hand and turned toward the kitchen, but as he walked away he glanced back at her over his shoulder to see her still standing in the hallway, smiling at him. He grinned at her again, shooing her a bit with his hand, “Go. The cookies are cooling off.”
Tessa smiled and turned to head up the stairs.
***
Scott was sitting on the couch when she made her way back down, wet hair moderately controlled in a messy bun, and cocooned in her favourite fuzzy pj bottoms and sweatshirt combo. “Nice sweatshirt,” Scott commented, grinning. Tessa glanced down and flushed a little when she realized it was an old sweatshirt of his she was wearing. Truth was she didn’t think she’d slept in anything other than Scott’s t-shirts since she was 17. In fact as she’d gotten older it had made for some awkward conversations with boyfriends about why all her sleepwear used to belong to Scott.
“I found Miracle on 34th Street,” Scott said, patting the couch beside him, “the original – not the remake.”
“YES!” Tessa exclaimed enthusiastically, plopping herself down on the couch, “my favourite.” She reached immediately for a cookie and scooted herself closer to Scott on the couch. He hesitated for only a second, and then put his arm around her, tucking her in to his side.
When she fell asleep an-hour later, he spent a long while just watching her, playing idly with a strand of her hair. He was loathe to wake her, but figured a whole night awkwardly splayed on her couch wouldn’t do either of them any good.
“Okay T, time to go up to bed,” he said quietly, rubbing his thumb gently against her cheek. She blinked open her eyes and stared up at him, and not for the first time he marvelled at the beauty of those big green eyes, fringed by long dark lashes. They were eyes you could get lost in, as he well knew. “Come on. Let’s get you to bed.”
She clung to him on the way up the stairs, still half-asleep and unwilling to give up the warmth of Scott’s body against hers. When they got to her bedroom she hugged him, yawned, and mumbled, “You’re not going home are you?”
“Nah. It’s late. I’ll crash on the spare bed.” He kissed the top of her head and propelled her gently in to her room. “Night T.”
“Night Scott.”
***
She was bone tired, and happy to be in her own bed. But the side of her that had lain against Scott on the couch was cold, and she tossed and turned for a long while before falling asleep, feeling something missing.
***
He could hear the squeaking of her bed as she moved in the next room, and wondered what was keeping her awake. He stared at the ceiling, and thought more than once about getting up to check on her. But the noise quieted eventually and he fell in to a restless sleep of his own.
***
Tessa woke to the smell of frying bacon, and her stomach gave an epic rumble. She knew what that smell meant, and if Scott was making pancakes she was wasting no time lounging in bed. A quick splash of water on her face and couple of minutes with the toothbrush and she was downstairs, peeking hopefully in to the kitchen. Scott hadn’t heard her come down, so she stood in the doorway for a moment watching him move around her space, humming tunelessly to himself. He looked like he belonged, and the though sent a little thrill through her that she couldn’t quite put a name to.
When Scott turned to put something on the table and saw her standing there, his face broke in to a smile. Before he really knew what he was doing he had walked over to Tessa and planted a kiss on her forehead. He immediately realized what he’d done, and froze to the spot for a second, clearing his throat and mumbling, “Um, good morning.”
Tessa smiled up at him brightly, breaking the small tension created by his impulsive good morning kiss. “Good morning,” she replied, immediately followed by a hopeful, “Pancakes?”
“Yep. They’ll be ready in a sec. Grab a seat.”
They ate in companionable silence, pausing occasionally to smile at each other. When Tessa had had her fill, she sat back contentedly to sip her coffee, grinning at Scott over her mug. Why could she not stop smiling? She must look like a half-wit. She buried her face further in to her coffee. “So,” she began casually, “tomorrow’s Christmas Eve. What are your plans? Are you spending Christmas at your parents’ house?”
Scott groaned a little and replied, “Would it make me a terrible son if I said ‘I hope not’? I love my family but I’m not sure I can stomach the drama. The sheer number of people means that if someone’s not crying or threatening divorce by noon it’s just not Christmas at the Moirs’, you know?” He ran his hand distractedly through his hair, making it stand on end. “One of these years I’ll develop a strategy by which I can go a few hours and then pull some kind of magical ripcord that gets me out of there at super-sonic speed just before I lose it and punch one of my brothers in the chest.”
“I could be your ripcord,” Tessa said hesitantly, “I mean, you could use me as your excuse if you wanted. Just tell everyone I’m pathetic and lonely or something and after 17 years you’re, like, contractually obligated to keep me company.” Her face flooded with heat as she realized she was basically inviting him to spend Christmas with her. All she’d really meant to do was give him an excuse for his family, but truthfully as soon as the idea of spending Christmas with Scott had flashed in to her head, her heart had sped up a bit at the thought. God, she was going to end up guilting him in to spending the holidays with her. Pathetic. “Not that you’d really have to spend Christmas with me,” she hurried on, “ just you could, you know, tell your family you had to, or something…” she trailed off, still very aware of the blush burning her cheeks.
Would she really want him to spend Christmas with her? Scott wondered to himself. If he was being honest the idea really appealed to him, and not just because it meant less time in the hotbed of crazy that was his parents’ place this time of year. But if she was just being nice and offering him an excuse it would be weird to say yes, right? Scott realized he’d been staring at her, his mind racing, for longer than would strictly be considered polite. He shook himself slightly and with a deep breath and an internal “screw it,” he said, “I’d love to spend Christmas with you T.” He watched her face light up at his response, and felt his own face respond in kind.
“Well, since I’m not ignoring Christmas anymore I’ve got some things to do today,” Tessa exclaimed, clapping her hands together.
“What do you mean?” Scott asked, raising an eyebrow at her.
“Don’t think I didn’t notice that every one of those presents under the tree is for me, Scott,” she replied softly.
Now it was Scott’s turn to blush. “I just, um, you seemed so down and I thought maybe a few nice things would cheer you up,” he mumbled, suddenly fascinated by the contents of his coffee cup.
Tessa stood up and made her way around to his side of the table, crouching beside him. She put a hand on his knee, and used the other to lift his chin until his gaze met hers. “I know what you thought, and I love you for it,” she said, “and you’re going to let me do the same for you.”
“But I’m not down!” he protested weakly.
“I know, but now I just want to spoil you a little,” she replied. She pulled her gaze away from the warm chocolate of his eyes, roaming slowly over the sharp line of his jaw and the soft curve of his lips. Scott would have sworn he could feel the pressure of Tessa’s eyes on his lips, and he found himself holding his breath; fighting against the sudden and overwhelming urge to take her in his arms and kiss her. He sat still as a statue, mentally berating himself for the wildly inappropriate turn his thoughts had taken.
Tessa stayed just as she was for a few moments longer, then on impulse she leaned over and planted a quick kiss on Scott’s cheek, bouncing upright and announcing, “I’m going shopping.”
The moment she was out of the room Scott expelled his breath in a ‘whoosh’, flopping inelegantly backwards in his chair. Get a grip Scott, he thought to himself. Get a grip.
***
With Tessa there, Christmas Eve at his parents’ had been really nice. Admittedly he barely allowed her to leave his side all night, gripping her hand like a lifeline. She hadn’t seemed to mind, making her way back to him as soon as she could whenever basic social graces meant they had to be apart. He knew he was being a bit clingy, and he’d definitely caught his Mom glance at his and Tessa’s perpetually clasped hands more than once, but he felt better when Tessa was beside him, and at this moment he didn’t feel like worrying about why. And she had been so beautiful he’d felt like he was a little drunk the whole evening, despite having stopped after one beer.
Here’s the thing about Tessa: the closer her proximity to you, and the more time you spend with her, the more her beauty overwhelms you. It’s not just how she looks – anybody can see she’s gorgeous. It’s that she radiates. Her laugh could hit you like a punch in the gut if you weren’t expecting it, or she’d move a little beside you and the soft scent of her perfume would make you light-headed. Scott knew this better than anyone, but he’d always prided himself on having developed a kind of Tessa-immunity over the years. Otherwise who could function day after day? Tonight though; tonight Scott thought his immunity might be failing him.
Now that they were back at Tessa’s and she’d switched her dress for fuzzy unicorn pyjama pants and one his old Ilderton Skating Club t-shirts he felt a little more balanced, but not much. Only Tessa could manage ‘irresistible’ while wearing fuzzy cat slippers. He chuckled a little to himself at the thought and Tessa looked up from the book she was reading at her end of the couch.
“What’s so funny?” she asked, smiling.
“I was just thinking your cat slippers are pretty hot.” Scott said, quirking an eyebrow at her.
“Riiight? All part of my fool-proof seduction technique,” she joked, poking his leg with her foot. “I’ve got all the moves. Wait until you see my bunny pj’s. The bunnies have thought balloons that say “Lettuce get it on.”
“They do not,” Scott said incredulously.
“They do indeed,” Tessa replied.
“It is a complete mystery to me how you are single. With moves like that? Criminal.” Scott deadpanned.
“Shut up!” she replied, whipping off a slipper and throwing it at him. “I’m the hottest girl you know. Just look at all this here,” she joked, kneeling on the couch and gesturing to her baggy t-shirt while striking a hammed-up cover-girl pose.
“You are the most beautiful girl I know. You have been since you were seven years old and you no doubt will be ‘till I die.” Scott replied. He realized what he’d said the moment it was out of his mouth, but it was too late. Besides which it was the truth.
Tessa dropped her arms to her sides and just stared at Scott. “You really think that?” she asked softly, the skepticism clear in her voice.
“Of course I think that T. You’re smart, driven, kind, and about 18 different kinds of gorgeous on any given day. I’m not an idiot – I can see all that.” Scott shrugged. He’d picked up her hand part way through his little speech, and he was staring at it intently, idly playing with her fingers.
For the second time in two days Tessa launched herself in to Scott’s arms. But this time she wasn’t crying, and she didn’t bury her head in his chest. Instead she planted herself squarely on his lap and crushed her lips against his. She felt him hesitate for a second, then wrap his arms around her and pull her tightly against him. His fingers twined in her hair and she decided this was probably what perfect felt like.
Scott had that drunk feeling again from earlier in the evening, only this time magnified by a thousand. The feel of Tessa’s lips on his and her body warm against him made him incapable of coherent thought. Whatever this was he didn’t want it to ever stop. He didn’t know if it had been five minutes or five hours when they finally broke apart. He stared up at Tessa, flushed and disheveled and more radiant than ever, and decided if life ended here he’d be okay with that.
“Why did I wait 17 years to do that?” Tessa whispered in to Scott’s mouth. “So many years of looking for something I already had,” she went on, trailing kisses along his jaw.
“I would have waited 17 more,” Scott whispered back.
***
When Scott woke on Christmas morning it was to the feel of Tessa in his arms, and that sense of total quiet that comes after a snowstorm. He laid still for a while, just relishing the feeling of waking up next to Tessa, burrowing his nose in her hair and thanking the powers that be for whatever got him to this exact moment. His curiosity got the better of him after a while though, and he slipped quietly out of bed and padded to the window. The world outside was blanketed in white, with snow still falling softly. They weren’t going anywhere today. He stood contentedly at the window, and didn’t realize Tessa had gotten out of bed until he felt her arms slide around his waist. He pulled her around to his side, and bent down to plant a kiss on her nose. She smiled up at him, glorious with mussed hair and a crease on her cheek from the pillowcase. There had never been a luckier man than him.
“Merry Christmas Scott.”
“Merry Christmas T.”
The End