Chapter Text
All the Doctor could think as she turned was that she couldn’t tell her. Not now, not with what she was about to do. My Yaz, that’s what she meant when she’d said my fam. She made sure to take one last look at the woman she loved, the beautiful, kind, intelligent, amazing woman. On more look, one last memory of her Yaz to help her through those agonising last moments. She hoped with every fibre of her being that Yaz would understand, understand that even if she hadn't said it that she had never felt as much love for another person or being as she did for Yaz. But she couldn’t say it. It wasn’t fair to either of them, so she turned away.
“We’re not letting you go. You’re not doing this” Yaz frantically grabbed the Doctor’s arm, her voice shaky and her eyes filled with tears.
“Get off me Yaz” there was more bite to her voice that the Doctor intended and Yaz recoiled slightly, the pain in her eyes growing with each passing second. The pair stared at each other seemingly having a silent battle, unbeknownst to the others, before the Doctor spoke again. “Please” the doctors voice help so much emotion. She was so scared she wanted nothing but to wrap Yaz in her arms and never let go but she wouldn’t have another person be lost because of her. She needed to know that Yaz was still out there, living.
The Doctor stepped backwards, trying to put some distance between the two.
“Yaz. Come on.” Ryan broke the silence, unable to look at either woman in front of him, his voice soft yet his words were still jarring.
Another few seconds passed and the Doctor knew that she would have to leave soon lest she become unable to tear herself away. Time was ticking and if she had any hope of saving her fam she would need to hurry.
“Live great lives” The Doctor’s voice was barely audible around the spare TARDIS. With one more moment spared to share with Yaz was all the Doctor allowed herself before turning again. This time Yaz made no attempt to stop her as she left.
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The Doctor quickly made her way to the agreed meeting point with the Master. Their exchange went almost completely over her head, the Master seeming inconsequential now she’d said goodbye to her love.
“I have broken you and created a new race” The Master’s voice full of awe set the Doctor’s anger burning. “And now I shall conquer everything.” The Doctor stepped towards him.
“You think you’ve broken me?” The pain grew inside of her but she couldn’t let on. “You’ll have to try harder than that. You’ve given me a gift. Of myself.” She took a breath, her pain turning to anger. “You think that could destroy me? You think that makes me lesser?” She wouldn’t let him win. Not this time. This time was for the humans. “It makes me more.” This time was for her fam. ”I contain multitudes more than I even thought or knew. You want me to be scared of it because you’re scared of everything. But I am so much more than you.” This time. Well, this time was for her Yaz.
Master made a noise of surprise at the Doctor’s speech. “So why are we here?” He replied almost bored.
The Doctor stared him dead in the eyes as she slowly reached into her pocket, pulling out the bomb, the lone cyberman attached. Suddenly, the Master’s eyes lit up with joy.
“Oo. Good, very good. That’s why I left it for you. Wondered if you would. Take out me. Take out those life forms. All those bodies still in the vaults. Every organic cellular life form on this planet. Forever. And yourself. Do that would you?” Every word felt like a stab in her hearts to the Doctor. All she kept thinking was that Yaz wouldn’t be safe if she didn’t do this.
“Yes.“ Her voice was thick with emotion. Tears flooded her eyes as she spoke, her vision becoming cloudy even as she kept her eyes trained on the Master’s blurry outline. “This time, yes” She paused. Her emotions rising. The anger she felt towards the Master. The love she felt for Yaz. The guilt, the sadness, the hopelessness. The Master saw her hesitation and spoke again.
‘Go on then. You were the start of all this, now finish it! Come on.” The Doctor’s thumb twitched. Just a bit more pressure would ensure the safety of the universe.
“Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. What have you got left anyway? You don’t even know your own life.”
Just a little more.
“Look how low I have brought you. I have won Doctor. You may have made me but I have destroyed you. Become death become me. Come on, come on, come on.”
She couldn’t. She poked away from the Master, dropping her arm slightly, unable to push that button.
“For just a moment there I thought maybe...” The disappointed sigh that left the Master’s lungs was heavy. “Oh, doctor. The universe will suffer for your weakness. I will make sure of it.”
“Not if I have anything to do with it” The Doctor startled as Ko Sharmus entered the room loudly. Suddenly the terrifying thought that she had been about to set the death particle off with her fam still on the planet overwhelmed her thoughts.
“Excuse me, no gate crashers.” The Master was angry. How dare he interrupt him.
“You can't still be here! I set the controls.” The Doctor was panicking. Was Yaz still there? Surely not. If the program hadn’t worked Yaz would have tried to come and save her. Ko Sharmus could practically taste the Doctor panic at the thought of the humans, or one particular human at least, still being on the planet.
“I followed you out they tried to stop me but. Wanted to be sure that these things are gone and now I can be.” He walked up to the Doctor and grabbed the bomb from her shaking hands
“No” The Doctor cried out, she wouldn’t let any more people died. Not because of her. Ko Sharmus saw the pain and grief in her eyes, the guilt so ingrained in the Doctor’s soul that he could feel it.
“You didn’t start this. I did. I was part of a resistance unit that sent the cyberium back through time and space. Now obviously we didn’t send it back far enough so this is my penance mine to finish my journey ends here, but the universe still needs you, so I suggest you run.” He took a breath, turning his attention to the Master. ”Run Doctor!” He shouted.
“Don’t you dare” The Master cried.
The Doctor didn’t even look back at her old friend. His angry screams followed her through the hallways. She quickly made her way to another ship and set a course, the sounds of gunfire assaulting her ears. She felt a shake as she left.
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As she entered her own TARDIS, she took a breath finally able to reunite with her trusted ship. She spent a while chatting with the TARDIS before taking a moment to compose herself. She could go and find her fam. Find her Yaz. The doctor had decided as she’d walked away from the ship containing the humans that if by some miracle she survived, she would tell Yaz the truth. She would tell her how she hadn’t connected with anyone so quickly before. Tell her how she had become one of the best friends she’d ever had, in such a short time. How she felt safe with her. How she felt like home to the Doctor. How she sometimes got so lost in her that she sometimes forgot Graham and Ryan were even there. How she had fallen in love with her.
Suddenly an alarm sounded breaking the Doctor from her thoughts with a start. The Judoon appeared and whisked her away to the prison before she even had time to react and all too quickly she was alone in a cell, no way of finding her fam, no way of even contacting anyone and no way of telling Yaz the truth. She sat down, tears in her eyes, and vowed to herself that no matter what, she would never give up. I could take her decades but as long as she got to see Yaz once more, just to tell her she loved her, then the Doctor would keep fighting.