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Eunsang blinks twice. (Once for Minhee, once for Junho)
🜃🜃🜃
He only needs to blink once for the world to fill in around him, but he blinks a second time for good measure.
“Dance with me.” A distant voice murmurs.
The rolling hills draw themselves into the landscape, fields of blue flowers cascading around a boy who’s emerged from the dirt beneath his feet. His face remains in shadow though the sun shines brightly.
Eunsang squints in the light to catch a smile under the shade. The boy smiles and Eunsang can guess who he is, from the inflection of his three words to the way he can just barely see his eyes crinkle when he grins from ear to ear.
“Won’t you dance with me, Eunsang?”
He nods very, very slowly, unsure if he should give into his words, the land, the Earth.
“Take my hand then.”
The boy from the land reaches out to him, nearly in the position to hold him in a dance for two. He smiles again and it warms Eunsang’s heart from the inside out; it’s something familiar that feels like home.
He gets more persistent when Eunsang pauses before their hands touch. “Eunsang, please dance with me.”
“Minhee-” Eunsang breathes, their fingers just barely brushing, ready to intertwine.
“What’s wrong?” The boy’s head tips to the side. “Why are you hesitating?”
“I'm not, I just-” he shakes his head.
“Trust me, Sang.”
“Just trust me.”
“Take my hand, Lee Eunsang. Please.”
But it’s not him. Not really. (Maybe Minhee knows. Knows he keeps falling in and out of love like a dolphin in the ocean blue.)
“I can’t, Mini…”
“…ok then. I’ll wait.”
🜄🜄🜄
“Eunsang-ah,” Someone calls out to him from afar. He twists around, away from the boy from the land, away from who he represents. The sweet tone pulls him blindly away until he feels sand in between his toes.
The terrain builds itself after he blinks again; the beach, the sunset, the sea all coming into view. The waves gently roll across the shore and pull back into the water in a mesmerizing and endless cycle. As Eunsang follows it back into the ocean, his eyes lift to see…
“Eunsang, you’re here.” The boy from the sea says. It’s like they’re standing right next to each other the way his voice is so loud in his ears. And yet, they’re a shoreline apart.
Once again, he knows who it is because he’s been staring at that broad frame, that hidden face for a while.
“Come to me.” The boy from the sea beckons towards him, hands extending out in an offering. The orange sunset sparkles behind him, framing him in a heavenly like light.
He shouldn’t be walking into the ocean but he’s already waist high in the salt water, reaching out to the boy he so desperately wants, a boy he cares about, a boy that’s been hurt by the universe one too many times.
He doesn’t hesitate this time.
But maybe it’s because he’s desperate. He’s desperate for the boy from the sea to be his. Because every kiss he shares with Minhee won’t be with Junho and as much as Eunsang cares for Minhee… he loves… Junho.
He’s so close to the boy from the sea, close to the orange glow of the person he wants; his toes brush over the sandy rocks below before the seafloor drops out unexpectedly.
“Just a little further, Eunsang-ah,” The boy hovers above the water, the waves barely lapping at his feet. “You're almost here…”
Eunsang splutters out water as he tries to keep himself afloat; arms instinctively flapping in panic. He remembers too late, he can’t swim, he can't swim.
“Junho, please-”
“Reach up, Sang, take my hand.”
“I can’t-” He coughs out water, throwing his arm up to try and catch the other’s hand. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t-”
“Eunsang.”
He drowns. He drowns in the sea and he drowns in orange. He drowns and drowns and drowns like a broken record. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t-”
“It’s ok, Eunsang-ah, you’ll be ok. I understand.”
◓◓◓
Eunsang blinks twice (once for Minhee, once for Junho) to his living room, though not alone as he feels inside.
It’s still dark and blue outside, but the room is illuminated by the television’s screen flashing endless movies in the night. Eunsang can’t tell what time it is, just that it’s late and the TV needs to go off. The moon shining through the blinds against the window becomes brighter as he turns off the screen.
Minhee’s head rests in his lap, his freckled boyfriend snoring quietly as he cuddled against his body. Eunsang looks down at him after dropping the remote, admiring his pretty features while his fingers run through his dark locks.
He remembers how Minhee would run his fingers through his hair while they’d cuddle, how he’d do it when he was stressed, when he was crying, when he thought he couldn't do it anymore.
(Minhee enjoys dancing hand in hand with him. It’s just his thing.)
He glances over at Junho’s form nestled in an adjacent armchair, his bangs falling away like curtains to reveal his relaxed expression. There’s something rewarding about seeing Junho asleep; it’s like he had stayed up for days and deserved to sleep. (Well, he really did deserve it.)
(Junho deserves the whole world and more. Eunsang can’t give him that, but he’ll do the best he can.)
It hurts because Minhee is his. It hurts because Junho is pretty. It hurts because he cares about Junho. It hurts because Minhee is loyal. It hurts because he loves Minhee. It hurts because Junho deserves love too. It hurts because Eunsang can’t be in love with two people at once, can he?
He settles with pressing his lips to Minhee’s forehead instead.
Eunsang blinks twice. Once for Minhee, once for Junho.