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He was the talk of the school.
His silver grey hair styled up in a flat top with a scraggly mullet at the back, his blue eyes flashing with a too-open fervour and his mouth pulled on either side into the widest toothy grin, affixed between two rash cheeks. He was boisterously telling all his new classmates about how his father got a new job and so he and his sister, Sherry, had to move from France to Italy, and, lo and behold, he was attending this school with everyone now.
He was indeed the talk of the school. Quite literally doing all of the talking. You turned your music up to drown out the noise.
You jumped in your seat when he plonked himself in the chair opposite you. You hit pause on your walkman on instinct. “Hey, I’m Jean-Pierre! Or you can call me Polnareff.” The boy held his hand out to you, “Nice to meet you!”
You regretted pausing your music, trying to channel all of that resentment into your stoic stare to scare him away. Not that it was working in the slightest. His big stupid grin was all you needed to know about how dimwitted he must be upstairs.
“So, what’s your name?” he asked, dropping the hand that you completely ignored, though not deterred.
“Don’t mind her, Polnareff. She’s just a loner,” called one of the other classmates as his friends laughed.
“Yeah, come talk to us instead!” said one of the female classmates as her friends giggled.
Shallow, the lot of them, you thought, resisting the urge to roll your eyes.
“Ehhh? A loner?” The new classmate looked back at you with something like pity propped on his brow. You never asked for it though, urgh. “Do you not like to talk to others?”
“She doesn’t talk to anyone so we just leave her be.”
“Yeah, she’s always in a bad mood for some reason.”
“Shhhh, she can hear you.”
“You heard them,” you decided to speak up loud enough for him to hear. You wanted to drive home the point that everything your classmates said was true, that you wanted to be left alone. “That’s just how I am.” Now, beat it. You would never say that out loud to the poor new kid on his first day though. You weren’t that cruel.
The bell rang for home class at that moment and you thanked your stars for the blessed interruption. Everyone lazily shuffled their ways back to their desks for when the homeroom teacher came.
The new classmate dawdled a little bit longer by your desk. “If you ever want to talk, just come find me,” he flashed a smile once more before moving away.
“Okay, Polnareff,” you muttered to yourself so absent-mindedly that you doubted he even heard.
But he did hear and he smiled.
---
Apparently, the new kid fit in very well from his first day. He was loud, energetic, athletic and always the centre of attention. His traits made him a hit with both girls and boys alike. The former always got all giggly and flirty around him and the latter always picked him for sports teams. You sat under the shade of a tree one warm sunny day and watched as everyone clambered around to be part of the same team as him during gym class. You faked feeling under the weather to get out of taking part. Everyone’s energy levels exhausted you, and you saw no point in being around when you were always the last to be picked. You had no idea how someone like Polnareff handled all that attention. It was almost dizzying just watching the crowd buzz around him like a beehive.
The baseball game got underway. Your silver-haired classmate proved to be a great shot, landing a home run on the first hit. You watched the ball fly high into the sky. The clouds drifted slowly across, offering a welcome shade to the blazing sun. You laid back against the tree trunk and allowed the cool breeze to wash over you. It was nice like this. Just you, the tree and the peaceful breeze. You could pretend you were alone for just a short while. Your eyelids fluttered shut...
Suddenly there were multiple cries. You snapped your eyes open to the playing field and saw a crowd of bodies huddled around someone on the ground.
“Alright, make way, make way-” The gym teacher muscled her way through the bodies. She exclaimed at the others to make some space and they all backed off a few metres. There, you could see Polnareff sitting on the ground with the gym teacher inspecting a bruising bump on his head. The bump did not look a pretty sight, an unabashed shade of purple bursting across his pale skin, but miraculously, or rather foolishly, Polnareff was laughing it off like it was merely a scratch. With the teacher’s help he stood up.
“Alma, come here,” the teacher called. Urgh, you rolled your eyes discreetly. What did she want now- “If you’re feeling well enough, take Jean-Pierre to the nurse’s office.”
As the teacher instructed the rest of the class back to their game, you were stuck escorting an injured yet still very talkative Polnareff back to the school buildings. Your classmate wasted no time at all in blabbering your ear off - “Man, I totally didn’t see that one coming. It was a really fast pitch, and not only that but the ball curved too! I’m not sure if Leo meant to do that but it was impressive, you know? How do you get a ball to curve like that? I can pitch a ball hard and fast but I’ve never been able to get it to curve. That takes some serious skill! I really wanna learn!”
So much for your fantasised peace and quiet from earlier.
“Listen, Polnareff,” you stopped once you were far enough from the playing field to be spotted. You really just wanted to play truant for the rest of gym class and saw your opportunity, “do you want to go the rest of the way to the nurse’s? I think you’ll be okay to go on your own from here. It’s just down this corridor at the last door on the right.”
You thought that he would gladly take this chance to go off on his own too. Perhaps walking with you was awkward for him, like it would be for all your other classmates if they had to be stuck with you. It wasn’t like you were a great conversationalist for him anyway, knowing nothing - much less, even care - about baseball. This way, you could spare both of you any drawn-out pain.
But he did something unexpected - he pouted. “Awww. But I wanted to talk more with you, Alma.” He actually looked like a little dog with big puppy eyes. You stared at him. This went beyond your expectations and you had no idea how to react.
“Oh. Well. Okay.” Wait, what were you saying? It wasn’t like you wanted to talk more about baseball with him. Anything but. “What do you want to talk about?” The question slipped out of your mouth and you internally winced. He was going to talk your head off about bats and balls. You just knew it-
“I wanna talk about you!” He grinned and you... You had to turn your head away to hide your blush. Where on earth had that come from?
“Well,” you said, trying to keep it cool and clearing your throat, “I’m pretty boring, actually.”
“I bet you’re not! What do you like to do?”
“Um, listen to music. I play video games sometimes too.”
“Cool! What kinda music do you listen to?”
“Like. Punk, goth, emo. That sorta stuff.”
“Niiiice. I’d love to listen some time.”
“I mean, they might not be to your tastes. They’re not like mainstream pop stuff.”
“Doesn’t matter. You always look so happy listening to them so I can’t help but be curious.”
“Oh. Well, sure, then. I guess. I can lend you a tape some time.”
“Let’s listen now.”
“What? What about your head injury?”
“Eh, don’t worry about it. I actually feel fine.”
“You could have a concussion.”
“I’ll go straight after listening to one song. How about it?”
For some reason you found it hard to refuse him when he got like this, all starry-eyed and eager. Not only that, it was the first time that anyone ever asked to listen to your music. It made you feel jittery inside in a not-entirely-unpleasant way.
And so you sat out the rest of gym class hauled up in an empty classroom together, your walkman between you both, an earphone each, listening to some of your favourite songs. Some of the lyrics were very deep and meaningful which you took the time to explain to Polnareff, who listened with rapt interest, about their significance and what you thought the words meant. He offered some of his own thoughts and interpretations too, sometimes building on yours or going down another route you hadn’t thought of but which opened your mind to the possibilities. You had never known before now how deep Polnareff’s thoughts could go. All this time you had thought he was just a loud-mouthed, simple-brained guy. You were pleasantly surprised at this opposite finding.
The bell rang for next period and you jumped up from your seat, hand flying over your mouth. “I completely forgot! I was supposed to take you to the nurse’s office,” you gasped.
“Don’t worry,” Polnareff grinned. “I’ll go there now and nobody will ever know that we skipped class together.” He went out of the door, but not before throwing you a wink. Then he was gone. You felt a flutter in your stomach. Wait, what was that? Was that a sign of your happiness? You thought back to the past thirty minutes of just you and him listening to music together and enjoying the conversations you had. Before this you hadn’t talked much to him beyond passing notes and books in class. He was the most popular guy in your class, taking the time to talk with you, the most unpopular girl. Your chest filled with warmth and you placed a hand there. You realised that he was perhaps your first friend.
---
It became something of a secret pastime between you and Polnareff. There was no time during recess or lunch breaks to hang out, as his popularity demanded his attention be split fairly among his peers, but the time after school proved to be perfect. He found you one day cooped up in the corner behind a bookcase, listening to your music with a book perched open on your lap.
“Psst. Hey, Alma,” he waved. “I didn’t know you liked books too.”
You shifted over on the bean bag to make space for him. “Ah, yeah. It’s another hobby I like to indulge in.”
“You didn’t mention it that time I asked you what you liked to do.”
“I thought it was too boring to mention. Not many people our age spend time reading.”
“You’re not wrong,” said Polnareff, looking a bit sheepish, “I might be one of those people.”
“So what brings you here?” you asked.
“I gotta wait until my sister’s choir class is done so I thought I’d hang out here to pass the time. What about you?”
“I sometimes come here to wait until my mother is finished with work before going home.”
“Gets lonely at home by yourself, I guess?”
“Yeah. Sometimes.”
“Hey, I wanna listen to more of your music. We can jam out together.”
“Sure. But we’ll have to be quiet.” You really meant Polnareff would have to be quiet since he was the loud one, but for some reason you wanted to include yourself with him.
You lent him your earphone and together you listened to some punk goth music. This was how you spent your time after school, silently listening to music in your own little corner of the library, undisturbed by anything and anyone around. It was strange how comfortable it became to have him there next to you. You would have never imagined inviting anyone into your space like this but this silver-haired guy leapt and barrelled his way in like a flying trombone. He was part of your routine now. You even started to stay after school more often just to spend more time with him and he seemed to reciprocate the sentiment, turning up with a big smile on his face and snacks he had stuffed in his bag for you both to sneakily binge on.
One of those days though, he didn’t show up. You tried turning your music up, reading a ridiculously boring math book and even flinging an elastic band at various books on the shelf in front of you for target practise. None of these activities could distract yourself from your own disappointment. You started to wonder if he had gotten bored of hanging out with you. Or maybe it was something you had said when you hung out yesterday? Let’s see… What was it you were talking about… You mentioned your father was always away for work and he mentioned that his mother had died when he was young. Maybe your lack of an answer disturbed him? Maybe he thought you were callous in your silence? But you really hadn’t known what to say other than ‘sorry’. Furthermore, he wouldn’t be the type to keep his hurt feelings to himself. He would have said something if you had done something wrong, right? Let’s see, oh dear, oh dear…
In the midst of your inner turmoil, you had taken off your earphones to catch a break, wiping your face with your hands. Because you did so, you were able to catch some harried whispering behind the shelves in front of you.
“... a fight going on in front of the music hall.”
“Who’s fighting?”
“... some guys. I think one’s called Polnareff-”
You popped your head round the bookcase to see two girls scurrying out of the library. You fumbled with your walkman, throwing everything into your bag before dashing out after them. The librarian scolded you for running on your way out, but you didn’t care. You felt so foolish to have stewed in your own self pity just moments ago. Polnareff was in a fight with some guys. Why? What was going on? You wheezed, catching up to the girls with quite some effort. Gosh, this was what you got for bailing on gym class one too many times. But that aside - Please be okay, you thought, fighting for breath on your way there. Please be okay, Polnareff...
The building exit opened out onto the grounds ahead. You reached the sight of the scene.
There was a circle of students around three people - two guys that you recognised from the grade above and Polnareff all fighting one another. One guy was already knocked to the ground by the time you got there, and it was just Polnareff and the other guy wrestling it out. The guy was pretty huge but Polnareff was hardly small himself, almost matching in height and brawn. They were locked in a hold, neither of them budging, but Polnareff had initiative. He swung his head back and crashed it against the other guy’s, knocking his head backwards. The guy’s grip loosened and Polnareff took the opportunity to swing his fist right into the side of his face, sending him up and over in an arc to land with a heavy thump on the ground next to his friend.
“DON’T COME NEAR MY SISTER AGAIN!” Polnareff growled, nostrils flaring. He let out a laboured breath full of malice.
Heart thumped. Polnareff was angry. He was very angry. It was not a sight your frazzled mind was prepared for. Quickly grappling for purchase onto anything, anything to distract-
That’s right, his sister. You shot your eyes to look behind him at a girl with long wavy dark hair, who was whimpering. You recognised her as Sherry from the times Polnareff had mentioned her.
Before anything more happened, two teachers came to split up the crowd. They dished out detentions for the three guys who had fought, Polnareff included. You watched helplessly as he trudged back into the school building, head low and his nose bleeding a little from the earlier scuffle. Regrettably, there wasn’t much you could do for him. But there was Sherry. With the crowd dispersed and everyone else having gone from the school grounds, the poor girl stood alone weeping into her hands.
You approached her slowly. “Hey,” you said. She looked up at you, her face scrunched up and red from crying. You fetched a tissue from your bag and offered it to her. She took it and thanked you, wiping her eyes and blowing her nose. You wondered if you should give her a hug or some words of comfort. You had no idea what to do. This was your first time speaking to her. She probably didn’t even know who you were. Best to introduce yourself first.
“My name is Alma. I’m in the same class as your brother, Polna- I mean, Jean-Pierre. We’re, um- I consider him my friend. He’s told me about you. About how you’re his sister-” Oh gosh. You wanted to smack yourself. That sounded awkward, didn’t it? Way to blow your introduction in front of your friend’s sister. But no, you mentally shook yourself. This wasn’t about you. This was about this poor girl who was upset about something, something to do with Polnareff beating up those two guys.
You invited her to sit on the wall with you, handing her another tissue though she declined. She had considerably calmed down by now, which made you relieved. “Thank you,” she said, sniffling. “I’m a little embarrassed.”
“It’s okay. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot. If there’s anything I can do to help-”
Sherry shook her head and smiled. “Jean told me about you. He said you were really nice. I have to agree. You are a really nice person.”
Wait, what? Polnareff talked about you, and he thought you were nice? Your heart gave another little thump and you shook your head. This wasn’t the time to think about that. “Do you want to talk about what happened? I’m not sure that I can help but I can listen, if you want,” you offered.
Sherry clenched her hands in her lap. She took a moment to herself before answering. “Out of the two of us,” she began, “I was always the timid one. Jean was always so outgoing and confident, charging headfirst into everything new. Even when we first moved to this country and neither of us could speak Italian very well, he didn’t let that hold him back. He spoke to anyone to practise more, making many mistakes as he went. I’m not like him so I kept to myself, afraid to speak and reveal my poor Italian speaking level.”
“But I got picked on for being quiet. My classmates would tease me and try to get me to speak but that only made me want to speak less. I kept this to myself and never told Jean. I didn’t want him to worry. To be honest, I made one friend in my class and she helped me to improve my Italian in private, so I thought it was okay.
“I also really enjoyed singing so I joined the choir club. Then some of my classmates found out and teased me again, trying to get me to sing in front of them in Italian. They even got their older siblings involved, and I guess Jean found out and got mad for my sake.”
Sherry started tearing up again and you patted her gently on the shoulder this time, offering sympathetic words. She smiled at you gratefully and continued, “I feel really bad about it all. Perhaps if I had faced everything head on like Jean, I wouldn’t have had to get him involved like this. I should have solved my own problems instead of pretending they didn’t exist. And now he’s in trouble for the mess I made.”
Sherry’s words made you a bit angry. You clenched your hands. “It’s not your fault,” you said firmly. You had to say it. You did not see it as Sherry’s fault at all. Rather - “Your classmates shouldn’t have picked on you to begin with. I’m so sorry you went through that. Why, if I had been there...”
Sherry gave a small smile at your words. She thanked you for being frustrated for her before falling sober, staring at her hands. “Jean is really protective of me, you know? Ever since our mother died he’s always done his best to cheer me up and look out for me. I think he worries about me a lot because I’m not as confident as he is. I really appreciate him. He’s a great big brother and friend.”
“Yeah,” you agreed, nodding your head. When you really thought about it, Polnareff was a great friend to you too. He didn’t treat you as the others did. He never avoided you. He always spoke sincerely to you. Being with him felt like you were being seen for the first time. It felt like a light being lit...
“You and Jean must be good friends.”
Sherry’s comment brought you out of your reverie. “Why do you say that?” you asked, genuinely curious.
“Because he’s always talking about you at home,” Sherry beamed.
Your cheeks grew warm before you knew it. Sherry had a knowing smile on her face and was about to say something further - when the sight of her brother came into view approaching them.
“Jean! Are you okay?” Sherry ran off to Polnareff and you caught up just behind her.
“Yeah, I’m fine. They scheduled my detention for tomorrow after school but I don’t really care,” Polnareff waved his hand with a smile. Though there was a smile, you thought it was laced with tiredness. His hair was a bit messed up too with some strands falling down and the blood on his shirt had dried to a muddy brown. He looked to you and raised a hand to his hair, trying to smooth it back up. “Man, I let you see me like this,” he said, avoiding your eyes, “this is so uncool.”
“Jean, I’m sorry for getting you involved,” said Sherry as she teared up again. “I… I’ll talk to my classmates. I’ll confront them so they won’t ever bother me again. I’ll be like you! Strong and confident!”
“You’re the only sister I have, Sherry, so I don’t mind fighting for you.”
“But I don’t want you getting into trouble for me! And… and you can’t always fight my battles. I promise I’ll do my best. My friend, Isa, will be there with me. And I can always tell a teacher I trust. Don’t worry too much for me, Jean. You’ve done so much for me already.”
Polnareff patted Sherry on the head mildly. Then he gave her a little nuggie which irritated her. “Heyyy, stop that,” Sherry whined, shielding her head with her hands. “What was that for?”
“Nothing, I’m just. Just proud of you, that’s all. You’ll always be my baby sister.”
Sherry slapped her brother lightly on the arm. “Alright, enough with the sap. We should probably head back and get your shirt washed. Is your nose okay?”
“Yeah. It was only a small nosebleed. You should’ve seen that other guy’s though.”
The three of you walked out of the school grounds and made your way down the road until you had to split at the cross section.
“Sorry I said so much earlier,” said Sherry to you, “but also thank you for comforting me.”
You shook your head. “Not at all. I’m glad that you’re feeling better.” You took a glance at Polnareff to find him staring in the distance. He seemed lost in thought. You wanted to talk to him too but perhaps this wasn’t the best time. You chose to let it go for now. “Well, I guess this is goodbye. See you guys tomorrow?”
“Yes. See you, Alma!”
“Bye, Alma. Thanks for taking care of Sherry.”
“No problem.”
You waved goodbye to them, a frown forming on your face over how subdued Polnareff seemed. You hoped that he would feel better the next day.
The next school morning came. Polnareff never arrived for the morning classes. Gossip had reached all around about how he was in a fight with two guys. Already there were mixed stories spreading about how Polnareff lost the fight or that he had been suspended. The wildest one you heard came from two classmates.
“Here’s your biology book, Alma. Thanks for letting us borrow it,” said Mia, laying the book on your desk.
“And here’s the chocolate bar we promised,” said Luna, placing a Snickers bar on top of the book.
“Thanks so much,” your eyes lit up at the sight of the Snickers bar. You resisted the urge to gobble it down right there and then. At least not in the company of your classmates.
“Hey, if we can ask you about something-” Mia leaned in closer to you and said in hushed tones, “You were there when that big fight happened. Is it true that Polnareff pulled a sword on Franco??”
You choked on your own breath. “Excuse me?” you brought a hand over your mouth to cough into, covering up your would-be laughter and recomposing yourself. It was the most ridiculous thing you heard. “There was no sword,” you told them bluntly.
“Really?” Mia and Luna seemed disappointed. You almost laughed at their fallen expressions. How could anyone buy into that?
“That’s a shame. I kinda like the idea of Polnareff with a sword,” said Mia thoughtfully.
“Yeah. He’d look pretty hot,” nodded Luna. Then her eyes widened as she remembered you were there, “Oh but don’t tell him I said that.”
This time you actually let out a chuckle. “I won’t,” you promised.
“You know, Alma,” said Mia, “I used to think you were scary but you’re actually pretty nice. Not that I mean anything bad by that, by the way! Sorry if I offended you.”
“No offence taken,” you reassured her lightly.
“Yeah,” said Luna and her lips lifted into a smile, “and you know, I think it’s thanks to Polnareff. He always says hi to everyone. Most of all, to you.”
“Right? He goes out of his way especially for you, Alma. And I feel like you’re opening up a little thanks to him.”
“We should talk more, Alma. If you want to.”
“I wouldn’t mind that. Thanks.”
It was unexpected but you felt a little warmth bloom in your chest. You had never talked to Mia and Luna before this year and now it seemed you stood to make two new friends. You couldn’t want to share the news with Polnareff.
You almost didn’t recognise him as he skulked into the classroom.
Instead of his usual hairdo up in a proud flat top, his hair was down with some strands covering his face, as if trying to conceal his presence. He took the few steps to his desk and dropped his bag on top heavy-handedly. You didn’t know if you had imagined it but you thought he threw a glance at you for a split second before dropping into his seat.
Everyone crowded around him in an instant.
“Polnareff! Is that you?”
“Dude! I almost didn’t recognise you! What’s with the new hair, haha!”
“You look kinda cute like this, Pol~”
Polnareff leaned back on his chair, hanging his head over the back with his eyes closed. He didn’t answer any of his classmates’ questions or comments. Not that it even mattered as they quickly turned to the hot topic of the day -
“Yo, is it true that you were in a fight yesterday?”
“Did you pull out a sword and stab them??”
“Bro, I heard you kicked their asses really hard. Luca’s not even in school today.”
“I thought you got your ass kicked cos you didn’t turn up this morning.”
“I thought you got suspended. But since you’re here I guess that’s not true!”
“Were you fighting over a girl?”
“Oh my god, was it your girlfriend-”
“Polnareff has a girlfriend?-”
“I thought it was his sister-”
“Guys.”
Polnareff swung forward and slapped a weighted hand on his desk, the sound reverberating across the suddenly curbed classroom. “Can we not do this? I’m just here to have a normal school day. No more questions about yesterday, please.”
There were a few timid apologies and some grumbles of disappointment. Then someone suggested playing card games and tried to pull Polnareff to join. He got up abruptly. You watched as he left the classroom wordlessly, leaving everyone to stare after him.
“Huh. What’s with him?”
“Who knows? Let’s just leave him alone for now.”
You excused yourself from Mia and Luna’s company, hastening out of the classroom. You saw him down the hallway and hurried over to him. “Polnareff,” you called as you caught up.
He stopped upon hearing your voice, turning to face you with a solemn expression. “Alma,” he said in a subdued voice.
He looked so tired. Your heart was aching for him. “Are you okay?” you asked, a frown adorning your face.
Polnareff looked away, as if he couldn’t bear to meet your concerned gaze any longer. “I’m fine. I just want to be alone for a bit. It’s best if you don’t talk to me right now.”
He walked off, leaving you to stare after his receding back. You clenched your hands at your sides. Maybe he didn’t want to talk about it but you couldn’t leave him alone like this. You hurried to your locker to grab your bag and went to the vending machine. Then you went to the cafeteria before you scampered all over the school in search of your silver-haired classmate.
Finally, you found him on the supposedly out-of-bounds rooftop (but since when did any student care about such rules), looking out above the treetops towards the sky. You made loud steps towards him so he could know you were approaching and he turned round-
Turning your bag upside down, you let a landslide of snacks, drinks and food fall all over the floor in front of him. “Hungry?” you asked with a smile.
“Alma, what on earth?” Polnareff stared from the pile of foods to you with a bemused look. You laughed and sat down next to him before handing him a croissant. He took it apprehensively, thanking you.
“You could say this is payback for all the snacks you shared with me in the library,” you replied with satisfaction. “And I figured you might be hungry. It’s always better to be sad on a full stomach.”
“Hey,” said Polnareff, frowning, “who said I was sad? And you didn’t have to pay me back for anything.”
“Shh,” you said, holding your index finger up at him. “Just eat. Take as much as you want. My treat.”
Polnareff’s stomach growled at that moment and he blushed as you laughed again.
The two of you ate in silence for the next few minutes. You were so content to fill your stomach with chocolate, crisps, cinnamon roll, pizza bread and cookies. Your mother would scream if she knew. The thought brought a smile to your lips. You chucked the latest empty packet into the growing pile of wrappers.
At one point the school bell went off, signalling the end of the lunch hour.
“You should head back to class. I don’t think I’ll bother for the rest of today,” said Polnareff.
“I’m gonna skip too.”
“What? You can’t!” Polnareff protested but you only sat back against the wall in contented bliss, settling into a comfortable position with your hands over your full stomach, surrounded by empty wrappers. Polnareff only looked at you with a frown, “You’re gonna get into trouble with me.”
“I don’t mind,” you shrugged your shoulders. “I would rather be here to console a friend than down there learning gross equations.”
Polnareff regarded you for a moment before he huffed with a bit of laughter. He also settled down beside you, stretching his legs out in front of him in the midst of more empty wrappers, and bringing his hands around his head. He looked up at the sky to see fluffy white clouds in funny shapes. The wind was stronger up here and it gave ample relief to the approaching summer heat.
“You know, I… I came to school so that you wouldn’t worry about me,” said Polnareff. “But I guess I still made you worry anyway. Ahhhh. I’m really not good at hiding how I feel.”
“Truly,” you agreed light-heartedly, “but that’s not always a bad thing. You’re only human, after all.”
He fell into a contemplative mood, his brow seemingly weighed down by his thoughts. “I think,” he began hesitantly, “that I’m not as great as Sherry thinks I am. I feel... I am to blame for her being bullied. No, I am to blame for that. I let it happen because I wasn’t watching over her carefully enough. I feel it’s all my fault for narrowing my tunnel of vision onto only the things I want. I’m self-centred like that, completely absorbed in only the things I like. I should have looked out for her instead of- I should have been there for her all this time. I try my best for her but it’s not enough. It’ll never be enough. How could I be so stupid-”
“No. You’re not stupid. Please don’t blame yourself,” you said, your voice cracking. To see him clutch his head like that, to see him filled with such anguish over his own torment. It hurt you, like a knife cutting deep. To think that he had been feeling this way ever since yesterday. You were angry all over again this time for him, but more than that you were aching in sadness. You wanted to soothe his pain. You swallowed your tears to carry on, “How can it be your fault when it was those people who picked on her? Shame on them, not you! You didn’t know because Sherry didn’t tell you. There’s nothing wrong with focusing on what you want.”
A teardrop fell down your cheek, to be swept up by Polnareff’s finger.
“You’re really kind, Alma. You would even cry for me.”
He was looking at you. His eyes reflected the softness of the clouds above.
He leaned closer…
You felt his head rest gently on your shoulder, his hair tickling you on the neck.
“Let me do this because I want to. Just for a moment,” he murmured, closing his eyes.
It took your brain a few seconds to register, but once it did… A blush crept up from the base of your neck to the top of your head. Oh, you thought. Oh.
“I should fix what I said before. I’m really not good at hiding how I feel from you.”
It could have been your imagination but you felt him snuggle into your shoulder a little more. Time seemed to stretch on and on. The things that were raging on inside you. Nerves. Anxiety. Fear of the unknown. Euphoria. But most of all. You were so happy right now. This simple act of his head on your shoulder. How it made you burst with joy.
It wasn’t only that, you realised. It was every joy, every smile of his. Even all his other sides - his depressed face, his angry face - especially his angry face - you accepted them all. His goofy side, his attention-seeking ways, his care, his loyalty, his confidence, his strength, his sadness, his defiance, his brashness, his softness, his hair up, his hair down, the way he scoffed bread down his mouth, the way he bobbed his head along to the music, the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed...
You had the pleasure of getting to know it all.
You realised you were in love with Jean-Pierre Polnareff.
---
When did it start?
You spent lunchtimes with Mia and Luna nowadays. They even introduced you to their two other friends, Ari and Bella, who attended a different school. Some weekends you would meet up just to play video games and hang out. You had been surprised there were others who shared your interests but you couldn’t really complain. No, quite the opposite, in fact, as you laughed and howled together with them for hours until it was time to go home.
How did it start?
Sometimes Polnareff would come and hang out with you and your friends too, whether at lunchtimes or at Luna’s house, where you often congregated for F-Mega tournaments. Now and then, Polnareff’s friends and Sherry would come as well and it would be mayhem. It would get loud and rowdy but for some reason you didn’t mind it like you would have before the start of the year. Perhaps being in the right company of friends made all the difference. This was something you had come to realise lately.
Why did it start?
Even your classmates started speaking to you. They were no longer afraid to approach you and they even asked for your help on class work. Word had got out about your penchant for snacks, and you soon became known as the Snack Queen as everyone showered you with snacks in gratitude for your help on their studies.
Life had changed so much for you in the past nine months. You hardly recognised who you were at times, as you gradually became a true part of the class. This fact surprised you almost daily and you had to pinch yourself just to be sure this wasn’t a dream. Back then you would have never believed you could be where you were now. You thought you would have hated to be ‘one of them’ but you found you didn’t, not even a little bit. It was only because you had turned your back to it that you had missed out on all the good things there was to offer.
It was because Polnareff was the answer.
You didn’t want to be cheesy and say that he became the ‘light of your life’. But he did something for you. He gave you the match with which to strike your own light. A fire burning that you didn’t even know you had. You had been blind to the world around you but now you could see it all. If he hadn’t been there...
That was why.
You had to thank him for all he had done for you.
It was Valentine’s Day. You witnessed many girls come and confess to Polnareff. You thought he’d be happy of the attention, providing confirmation of his handsome looks and charm, but instead he seemed a bit troubled, having to reject them all and watch as they walked away dejectedly.
“Are those chocolates for Pol?”
You shushed Mia in an instant, throwing an alarmed glance over at your target to check if he heard. Thankfully he was occupied with other classmates. You let out a sigh of relief, pushing the chocolates back in your bag. “Keep it quiet, but yes they are for Pol.”
“Oopsie. My bad~” Mia stuck out her tongue at you before asking seriously, “When are you going to give them to him?”
“Mmmm,” you pondered. You had thought of several options already the night before as you were making the chocolates. In the end you settled for one, “Probably after school. We’ll get some privacy then.”
Mia nodded. “That’s a good idea.”
Luna chipped in as she leaned on your desk from the side, “You guys often hang out after school anyway. It’s a wonder how something hasn’t happened already.” Her eyebrows raised up and down in suggestive fashion.
You cringed into your bag. “Do you think he’ll accept them?”
“Definitely. You’re really close to him.”
“Probably closer than any other girl, his sister aside.”
“Urgh. I don’t know…”
Your friends doggedly cheered you on, giving you their full support, which you really appreciated. You felt your confidence blooming, thanks to them. Yeah, you could do this. You could drop the casual suggestion to Polnareff to meet after school to hang out. It was what you two usually did anyway. No big deal. Just meet up, give him the chocolates and say thank you for everything. Done.
Except things didn’t exactly go that way.
When lunchtime came, everyone was asking Polnareff one question: did he have someone he liked?
“C’mon! Tell us!”
“We’ll keep it a secret-”
“Dumbass. As if you could keep anything secret-”
“Which girl do you fancy? Someone from Bea’s group?”
“Hey. What if Polnareff actually swings the other way?”
“Oooohhhhh~!”
“Tell us! Is it Leo? You guys are super close~”
Polnareff laughed, “You guys. What am I to do with you all? But yes, it’s Leo-” He spent the next few minutes laughing and joking with them all as Leo next to him pretended to blush and be smittened. “But really,” he said a bit more seriously this time, “what if I do have someone I like?” He threw everyone a suggestive look and there was a chorus of ‘oooooh’s permeating around the group.
“Dude. You gotta tell us now-”
“Yeah, don’t keep it to yourself!”
“Is it Lili?? It’s gotta be Lili. She’s so cute-”
“Doesn’t she have a boyfriend?”
“Pol here could give him a run for his money, right, Pol?”
“Guys, please! What do you take me for? I’m not a homewrecker.”
“Hahaha! Sorry, Pol!”
“Maybe it’s Val?”
“What if it’s Rosa-”
“-Luci-”
“-Dani-”
“-The teacher-”
“No,” said a classmate as he slammed his hand down on the desk. He jabbed his finger in your direction - “What if it’s Alma?”
There was a collective silence which befell the classroom. Then, suddenly, noise erupted.
“Is it Alma?!”
“Oh my God, Alma??”
“That Alma?! No way-”
“Geez, stop playin’, Romeo. Tell everyone you’re joking right now-”
“Oh my God, she’s staring at us. We’ve really done it-”
“... And what if it is?”
Everyone stopped and stared at Polnareff. He said it again, enunciating every word: “What if it is Alma?”
His face was stern and he was only looking at you now. His eyes held yours in such seriousness… but there was something else just underneath.
Raw. Exposed. Terrifying.
The harping resumed around him as everyone demanded confirmation and further answers. The noise got too loud, becoming unbearable, becoming static in your head. Your own breathing became louder and heavier, burdened suddenly by the closing walls on all sides. You couldn’t even register Mia and Luna calling your name as everything else got too much, too much.
You ran off.
Mia yelled at Polnareff as he stood rooted on the spot, unmoving - “Don’t just stand there! Go after her!”
Finally, her words kicked him into action and his feet took off after you.
The others tried to chase after him but Mia and Luna blocked their way. This was a crucial time for you and Polnareff now. They wouldn’t let anyone else interfere.
…
You were up on the rooftop trying to catch your breath when he found you. Your hand on your chest, as you breathed in for five seconds and out for five seconds, you turned to see him push the door open with a clang.
“Alma,” he called, catching his own breath. He sounded like he had run all over the school looking for you. “Alma. Are you okay?”
“I’m-” You stopped yourself. Were you okay? You didn’t know. You didn’t know how to feel at the moment. Everything had been so sudden. You shook your head.
“Why did you do that?” your voice came out demanding instead, quivering more and more. “Why did you say it was m- me? Was it a joke? D-did you do it to make everyone laugh?”
“No.”
Polnareff took a step forward then another. He was cautious, his eyes filled with worry. “No,” he said again, more gently, “I would never joke about that.”
“Then why…?”
“Because I wanted everyone to know. I wanted to do it in the way I wanted - in front of everyone on a big stage. Out in the open, so they could all know and hear… My feelings for you. But I see now -” Polnareff stopped just a couple of steps away from you “- that maybe it wasn’t what you would have wanted. Perhaps it was best if I had confessed with just the two of us in private. Like now.”
He drew himself up to full height, holding his head up high, chin poised, and his fist over his chest as if he was doing some military stance.
“I will tell you properly now and in such clear words that you can’t miss. I like you, Alma. Please go out with me.”
Your inner being flooded with so much emotion it could have flowed out of you in tangible waves. You gaped, opening your mouth like a goldfish. You couldn’t look at Polnareff. “Since when?” was the first thing that tumbled out of your lips.
“Since the start, I think.” Polnareff scratched his head, frowning in thought. “It’s hard to remember the exact details, but I remember seeing your smile as you listened to your music on the first day… and I remember thinking to myself, ‘I wonder what kind of person she is.’ I just had to know the person behind that radiant smile. Needless to say, I wasn’t disappointed. Far from, even.” Polnareff grinned at you, his cheeks blushing.
You felt like a bucket of ice cold water had been dropped on you. “I- I didn’t even like you back then!” you blurted out. “I thought you were annoying. I wanted you to go away.”
Polnareff burst out laughing, “I know! Trust me, I know. I’m not as dumb as you thought.” He winked at you and your cheeks burned with shame. “But you don’t think that now, do you?”
He smiled at you tenderly. You didn’t even have to answer because he already knew. Oh gosh, how he knew. Was it the smiles you gave him? The snacks you shared with him? The time spent together at lunchtimes, Luna’s house and in the library after school? It was all of this and probably more. Oh gosh, you had been so obvious all this time. And he didn’t mind. Not one bit.
You brought your hands up to hide your face. You wanted to die.
“Tell me what you’re feeling, Alma.”
You took a deep breath and exhaled. “I don’t know, I’m just so overwhelmed right now. But I think the first thing I should tell you is--” You patted your hands down over your hips, suddenly realising. Your face turned pale once more, “Oh no. I left the chocolates back in the classroom! Aaaaarghhh--”
Polnareff brought you into his arms in an embrace. You were silenced at once within his encompassing warmth. Somehow, in the midst of being pressed up against his entire firm body, you managed to focus on just his height. You knew Polnareff was big but this just drove it home even further, with your face smushed into his chest. How was this guy so tall? He was probably still growing as well. You gave a little sigh over how unfair that was, given your short stature.
“Everything okay down there?”
Of course, Polnareff knew this weakness of yours and had to make a pun to tease you for it. You pouted at him but it did the trick of cheering you up. “Yeah. Well, no- I mean, it is, but. You know. I’d rather confess to you properly with the chocolates at this moment.”
“Do you want to get them now? I can wait.”
You shook your head. “Maybe after school? We can eat them together in the library.”
“So that was your plan all along, huh. You really want to eat your own chocolates and you used me as an excuse to make them. My feelings feel so reciprocated.”
“Hey, no! They are for you. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to eat them too. It’s up to you if you wanna share them with me.”
“Of course I’d share them with you, ma cherie.”
“Did you just speak French to me?”
“I did. Do you like it? It means ‘my dear’.”
“No, no- Wait- Hang on,” you blushed furiously, pulling away from him slightly. You inhaled again to steady your nerves. “Before that, please let me answer you.” You breathed out slowly. You were shaking, but you could do this. “I just want to…I want to tell you that… Before you came I was always alone. I didn’t like my peers. I didn’t like the things they talked about. I thought them ignorant and harsh. And in return they seemed prejudiced against me. I thought it was better to remain by myself if I was always going to be met with their hostility. But then you came, and since then everything has changed.” You told him how he had become your first friend and how talking to him had opened up your world to the others. You told him how, if he hadn’t been there... perhaps you would have continued all the way until graduation with that thick dark shroud over your eyes, never getting to befriend Mia and Luna, nor Ari and Bella, nor Sherry, nor any of your classmates. “I wouldn’t have gotten to know everyone like I do now. It would have been sad and lonely. So that’s why, I just wanted to tell you… Thank you, for everything. I… I like you too, Polnareff. I would be happy to go out with you.”
You thought you would die on the spot, either from your heart jumping out of your body or from blood pouring out of every pore on your red-hot face. Confessing to the one you like was incredibly frightful. Even though he had confessed to you first, it was still exposing. All the things you just told him, like you had been peeling all the layers off for him to see.
Thankfully, Polnareff accepted it all.
“I’m so happy.”
He pulled you into a bear hug, this time lifting you off your feet and swinging you round like a merry-go-round. You screamed, half in anxiety and half in laughter, as you clung onto him. He put you down after the third swing, steadying you so you didn’t fall from the dizziness.
“You’re wrong about one thing in your confession though,” he said cheekily. You were about to protest when he answered, “You would have found your way even without me. You would have met everyone because you’re strong, smart, kind and caring. You inspire me every day to become better. Especially in my studies.”
You both shared a chuckle, bathing in one another’s happiness. It was really happening now. You and him, together. You couldn’t be happier.
You became the talk of the school.
You and Polnareff. The girl who wanted to be left alone and the guy who charged in like a truck. The once Lone Wolf and Mr Popular. You didn’t like the attention your relationship brought, but seeing Polnareff’s happy face made it worth tolerating. Mia and Luna were really happy for you, moved to the point of tears. They told Ari and Bella about the development and everyone was invited to Luna’s to celebrate at the weekend. And the rest of the school continued to blow up over the news but you had faith, whilst rolling your eyes with a smile, that they would get over it sooner or later.
“Say ‘Aaaaaah~’” Polnareff tried feeding you a chocolate.
You turned the other way, covering your mouth whilst blushing. “Pol, please. This is too much.”
“This is what you get for signing up to date me,” he grinned. “Now, do you want this chocolate or shall I have it instead?”
“No! I want it-” You struggled for it as Polnareff lifted it high above his head, which had the result of getting your face very close to his. You blushed again, sitting back down while folding your arms and pouting. “I hate that you have long arms.”
Polnareff laughed. “You know you’re so cute, right?”
You sighed, leaning your hot forehead against your hand. “Yes, you’ve told me at least ten times already.”
“And I’m going to keep saying it no matter what.”
You looked back at Polnareff. The sun rays came pouring through the window, making his skin glitter with gold and his smile shine more brilliantly. He looked really handsome in this moment. How lucky you felt to have met him, even more so to be by his side.
“Suit yourself,” you beamed back, which really meant that you didn’t mind.
Indeed, you were the talk of the school, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
-End-