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My fingertips dig into the hefty crate in my arms, splinters be damned, eyes trained on Eren and Mikasa with faux disinterest. Where the boy struggled with just one, the latter had no issue carrying three at a time - there had always been something about her that cast a lightless shadow over everyone else’s abilities, her skills so far above the rest even in menial tasks such as this, yet all she seemed concerned with using them for was hovering around her adoptive brother. “Oi, Eren, just let her help, it’ll make all our lives easier.” I click my tongue at the pair, wilfully ignorant of the envy sprouting in my chest. I have my own talents, ones I have every reason to be proud of, but there’s no doubt that Mikasa was impressive in every sense of the word. It made sense that she had admirers.
Not that it mattered.
“Excuse me, do you know where I could find Jeanie- I mean, Jean Kirstein?” My ears inadvertently prick up at the mention of that name and I swivel to face the speaker, eyes now wide with curiosity.
I blink once, twice. “ Jeanie? ” It’s a sweet nickname, and a clear, light-hearted laugh escapes me for a fleeting moment - it’s far from the usual realm of names used to describe Jean Kirstein. I quickly shut my mouth though, my cheeks warmed out of embarrassment at the outburst; laughing at an older woman who clearly has some relation to him is probably not the best way to make a good impression.
The middle-aged woman chuckles almost nervously, fidgeting with the woven basket in her grip. “I’m his mother - you see, he’s from here in Trost, so when I heard the 104th southern Cadet Corps would be staging a training exercise here, I thought he’d visit; the other cadets from around here already have, but he-“
I beam at the sweet woman. In the rare moments Jean indulged me with information about the woman it was clear he cared for his mother, despite the claims he’d make otherwise. It seemed she had doted on him growing up - this was the exact cause of Sasha and Connie’s endless teasing - and he welcomed this until his headstrong persona outgrew her. Meeting the woman in person, I can see exactly why she was so important to him. “No worries, no need to explain, ma’am-“
“Oh, there’s no need for formalities with me, dear.”
I nod slowly, shooting a look at Eren and Mikasa who have been paying attention rather nonchalantly. As I open my mouth to speak, Mikasa answers my unspoken request. “Go, I’ve got this.” I smile and give my thanks as she continues to manhandle Eren despite his protests against both her help and me ditching my duty for ‘horseface and his mom’. Ignoring him, with a bright expression I gesture for Mrs. Kirstein to follow me, dismissing my inexplicable nerves surrounding the situation. It’s just Jean’s mother, it’s not a big deal.
Tch, who am I kidding? Of course it’s a big deal - the woman doesn’t need to know that, though. Not when even her son is unaware of-
“I’m [Y/N] [L/N], by the way, I’m one of Jean’s friends.” I cut my own rambling thoughts off. No need to dwell on unreciprocated feelings - my ambitions are taller than that, better than that. Probably. Either way, it’s not as though I’ll be by Jean’s side for much longer. The Military Police doesn’t hold the same appeal as it does for him.
“Oh, I think he’s mentioned you before in his letters!” She grins up at me, the height difference notable. My mind wanders briefly, wondering how Jean is so tall in comparison. Her expression softens. “My son is a bit rough around the edges, I’ll admit. It’s reassuring to know he’s not alone.”
“He’s got me in his corner at least, and I know there are plenty of people who think of him as a friend too, at the end of the day,” There’s nothing to lie about there - for all his bickering and arrogance, he’s a good comrade to have. I pause, quickly replaying her words back in my mind. Wait, he’s mentioned me before? “I, ah, I trust he’s replying to your letters more frequently now?”
“He is! He hardly replied during his first year in the military, and I must confess it was a tad worrying, but he’s staying in contact far more frequently now.”
“That’s good to hear.” I tell her earnestly. I’d caught wind of Connie and Sasha teasing Jean for being a momma’s boy a long while ago now and it took a lot of nagging on my end for him to stop putting up such a front and just reply to his mother; I keep this to myself though, seeing no need to make this mother needlessly guilty for wishing to keep in touch. The side-eye the woman gives me accompanied by the upwards curve of her mouth suggests she at least suspects as much, though. Mother’s intuition or something like that, I suppose.
I push open the door to the mess hall where I assume the boy in question is lurking, if he hasn’t been too caught up in his competition with Sasha at least. Some other cadets catch sight of me, calling out and waving me over; I have to refuse the offer, but it does give me the means to locate Jean amidst the numerous tables. Needless to say these barracks are larger than those the Cadet Corps are stationed at.
“Jean!” I shout from where I stand on the steps descending into the large hall, beckoning him over. His face is like a flame as multiple emotions flicker across his visage - his eyes are widened when he hears his name, his whole expression softening when he realises it’s me, but the small smile that appears is immediately wiped away and replaced by confusion, recognition, followed by terror when he sees who I’m joined by.
“Jean-boy!” Mrs Kirstein is quick to approach her son who in return attempts to take a step back. Eyes all around the room settle on the exchange, well aware this is likely going to go horribly south. “Jean-boy, why haven’t you come home yet? Mrs Wagner’s little boy, Thomas, has already come home - you really are a problem child.”
I bite my lip at the abject horror on Jean’s face as whispers sound around the room. Honestly, this little bit of humiliation is probably deserved for the stress he’s put his mother through these past few years, but I can’t deny the discomfort the second-hand embarrassment stemming from both Kirsteins.
“Stop that!” Jean’s shout sends the room into a harsh silence and I find myself narrowing my eyes at him from where I stand. His mother takes an apprehensive step back, caught off guard by her child’s blatant rejection. Eren and Mikasa have joined me, apparently done with our duties, and they too are unimpressed by Jean’s outburst.
“But Jeanie-“
“It’s fine! Just go home already!”
He shoves her back. Flustered, his belittled mother turns to the watching audience, raising her wicker basket and placing shiny apples on the nearest table. Given the circumstances, all I can find myself doing is offering a reassuring smile, a small show of gratitude for the gift. “Well, these are for everyone-“
“You don’t need to do that!” Jean cries out again, but this time I step in, getting in his way and catching his arm before he can swipe the goods onto the floor. When he draws back his limb my hands move to his chest, holding him back from any more rash actions.
“Jean-boy!” Mrs Kirstein looks utterly humiliated by the turn of events, quickly averting her attention from her son in an attempt to do damage control. “I know he’s a problem child, but can everyone please be friends with him?”
“ Just go home! ”
“Jean!” I snap at him. Still holding him back, I replace my scowl with an apologetic smile to address his mother. “I’m so sorry about this, Mrs Kirstein. The rest of us are grateful for your gift - please accept my apologies on behalf of Jean,” I bow my head to her. With my hands still on his chest, I feel Jean take a sharp intake of breath and I quickly yank on his ear before he gets the chance to cry out again. “If you give me a minute, I’ll escort you out, ma’am. It’s the least I could do.”
Mrs Kirstein, her eyes so sad, nods hurriedly and escapes the room. “You should be nicer to your mom, Jeanie-“ Eren’s moderately quiet words are silenced by the scathing look he receives from the boy in question. I watch closely, waiting for the door to click close before I turn my attention back to Jean Kirstein.
SLAP
The sound of my palm coming into contact with his cheek reverberates painfully throughout the room.
“What the fuck was that about?” I snarl at the boy. He brings a tentative hand to the reddened mark on his face, almost too shocked and confused by the action to feel the sting. “Give me one good reason for you to have treated her that way, Kirstein .”
With his surname said like it was laced with poison, he seems to shrink back like a scolded puppy. I’d never addressed him like that before. “She- she embarrassed me-“
“ She embarrassed you ?” I’m incredulous. Usually so willing to put up a fight, this time Jean relents. “You humiliated her in front of everyone! And for what, visiting her son out of concern?” I sigh harshly, frustrated, and tug his ear, bringing his face close to mine so I can lower my voice. “You and I both know you care about your mother, so you need to cut this shit out and make amends. It got old two years ago.”
I release him, and with a final glare, I go to catch up with Mrs Kirstein. Much to my relief, it seems she didn’t choose to go on without me.
“I’m really sorry for what happened back there-“
“There’s nothing for you to apologise for, it was none of your doing,” She offers me a small smile but the forlorn look in her eyes seeps into the rest of her expression. She sighs and averts her gaze. “I have no reason to doubt you, but when he acts like that I can’t help but wonder how intolerable he makes himself to everyone. It makes it hard for him to keep friends.”
“For what it’s worth, he hasn’t driven me away yet, and I doubt he will,” I choose my next words carefully - I don’t want to snitch on Jean’s behaviour, nor paint anyone poorly. “Um, Marco’s also aiming for the Military Police, I suppose that brought him and Jean together. Marco’s nice. Connie and Sasha tease Jean a lot and he does the same to them - I’m not gonna lie, it is why he’s been hesitant to bring you up - but the three of them do care for each other. He’s got a big rivalry with Eren, probably because he’s jealous that Eren’s so close with Mikasa - she’s incredibly talented and beautiful, though pretty dismissive of most people - but at the end of the day they trust in each other’s skills, and there’s-“
“Don’t worry, you don’t need to go on,” I pause when Mrs Kirstein laughs softly at my rambling. “I’m getting older and all there is for me to worry about is my son as he does the same. He’s a troublesome boy, and I appreciate you looking out for him and taking the time to reassure an overbearing mother like me,” She takes a moment to observe me. “I’ll confess, although you seem to believe my son has taken a fancy towards this girl, I’m not sure who this Mikasa is - I do know, however, that my Jean regards your skills highly. If I may, do you know which branch you intend to join?”
“I, um,” I swallow thickly, knowing full well my choice isn’t a popular one. “I’m also aiming for the top ten, but I intend to join the Survey Corps rather than the Military Police.”
There’s a flicker of concern across the woman’s face. “Ah, I see.”
It’s quiet as we continue to walk. There’s not much to be said about my choice to join the Scouts without overstepping boundaries.
When the time comes to us to part ways, she rifles through her basket and passes me a neatly wrapped container. “It’s an omelette - it was Jeanie’s favourite food growing up, and I thought he might miss it, so...”
“I’ll make sure he gets it,” I promise her. “And I’ll make sure he pays you a proper visit before we leave. He cares about you more than he shows it, and I’m sorry about that.”
“Thank you for your help today,” The older woman pats my cheek. “I get the feeling he cares about you too.”
“Who’s the letter from?” Are the first words directed towards me when I sit at the table. They’re from Jean, who watches disinterestedly as I open the envelope with nimble fingers.
“Your mom.” I answer glancing at the name at the bottom of the page, hardly sparing him a look.
Connie snorts. “That’s such a shit joke-“
“Again?” Jean groans, exasperated. “It’s been three months since we were in Trost, and in that time she’s contacted you more than me.”
I smile innocently at him. “Well, maybe if you didn’t embarrass her in front of the entire barracks-“
“I apologised for that! And I’ve been replying to all her letters!”
Connie looks between us rapidly, confusion scrawled across his face. Sasha cackles into her mug, grinning at us.
“I’m willing to bet all the meat in the world on who the future Mrs. Kirstein is gonna be.”
I pretend to not hear her, though little can be done about my warming cheeks, and Jean cries out in protest. I keep my eyes trained on the paper, refusing to give my friends any ammunition against me. At the end of the letter is a little note which only further reddens my face.
It’s not long before you and Jeanie graduate and it seems neither of you have pursued one another. I may be overstepping here - and I know Jean would hate to know I’m telling you this - but should he not say anything before you two part ways, I believe you should know he cares for you the way you care for him. From what I’ve gathered, it’s certainly not Mikasa he’s interested in, and you have nothing to worry about.
Best wishes and much love,
Mrs Kirstein
“Oi, what’s got you blushing, huh?” Connie questions as he tries to peer at the paper. I shove him back, clutching the letter to my chest with one hand and forcing him away with the other.
“Try that again and your’s will be the next nape I cut, baldie.”