Work Text:
"Hey," Biana yelled, "please come back!"
It was too late Sophie had already stepped into the light. She had left them there, with tears in her eyes during Biana's 'be better at your appearance' lecture. She had left with half a face of makeup, eyeshadow and liner on one eye, and no lipstick, but concealer with blush and enhanced cheekbones. She was gone.
"I'm going to find her," whispered Keefe.
"I should," Fitz began, "we're Cognates."
"I think I can do this better." Keefe held Sophie's back-up home crystal to the light.
It was warmer at Havenfield but despite the happy noises that the creatures made, there was a faint sound of crying.
Keefe ran up the hill towards Calla's tree.
"Hey, you okay?" Keefe's voice was soft, and even though he knew she wasn't Sophie fought the impulse to lie.
"What do you think?" Sophie said as her voice shook, "I tried to let it go, Keefe, I did, but, but- Do you know how hard it is to be a girl here! No, you don't!" Sophie was waving her hands around like she had more to say.
"Yes, I do, nobody told you, and I'm very grateful for that, but nobody told you that I'm trans," he said.
"What does that mean Keefe?" asked Sophie, softening her tone.
"Well, I was born in a body like yours, and for most of my childhood I was Katniss, the Girl Who was a Disappointment. I mean I always knew, but-"
Let's have a peek at Keefe's childhood, shall we?
It was a bright summer day and little Keefe, in a pink dress and long blond hair, runs along in the meadow. Lord Cassius stands nearby.
"Daddy, Daddy, can you play Bramble with me?" Keefe's high pitched voice carried a hint of knowledge a child so young shouldn't have to bear, the knowledge that the answer is no.
"Katniss! Are you even trying to be a proper lady?" He shouted, "Girls like you shouldn't be so rowdy, so loud, real girls don’t play Bramble!”
This was at age three, let’s see him at 7.
It’s 9:18, late for our little boy, and he creeps into his parents’ bedroom, unable to sleep. They were climbing into bed and looked up as he pushed the door open.
“Katniss?” his mom walked over to him, “let’s get you back to bed. You need your beauty sleep.”
Sure, she sounded kind, but there was something behind those words, a thing that screamed “NOT ENOUGH,” and the thing held his attention more than the words. So, instead of comfort, that late-night interaction left Keefe with more to fear in the scary pits of the nightmare dark.
When Keefe was 8 he met Fitz for the first time. Lady Gisela sent him over for group homeschooling and told him to make friends with “the boy.” That night Keefe overheard a troubling conversation.
“Look, Gisela, she’s a girl, you need to choose, do you want her to be a proper lady, or do you want her to be powerful? Biana is here. She’d be a good choice too, but you want her to be friends with Fitz, the one with the power. Please, don’t embarrass me, woman, she should play with girls.”
“Dear,” Gisela placated him, “She will be how she must, she will be powerful enough to carry out her legacy.”
The next day he asked Fitz if he could borrow a pair of his pants and a jersey, they played Bramble, and Keefe thought about how much more himself he felt.
Months had gone past, this had become routine. Keefe began to sleepover at the Vackers’ often, he’d pack his clothes, wear Fitz’s, and get both a little dirty. When his parents saw him next, he’d be wearing a long skirt and a cute blouse.
After a formal dinner with one of Alden’s guests, Sir Augustus, Della called to her husband.
“He looks great,” she said, “ I’m so glad we have all this new tech, his transition is going so well!”
Alden smiled. “I know, dear, it’s going wonderfully!” He then hurried off to his office apologizing for how busy he was.
Little Keefe, who had, along with the young Vackers, listened to this exchange, quietly tugged on Della’s skirt.
“Yes, darling?” Della lifted him, spinning before taking a seat on the couch.
“W-uh-” he looked up nervously, she smiled in encouragement, “what’s a transition?”
“Well, sometimes, an elf is born in the wrong body, say someone is born looking like a boy, but on the inside, they know that they’re a girl. That elf is a girl, and if they want they can do certain things so others can tell. Some take certain medicines, others don’t, they’re all still girls. We might use the word transgender, or trans for short, to describe them,” she explained softly, “do you understand?”
Keefe nodded, hoping she couldn’t see the tears in his eyes.
It was Keefe’s tenth birthday. Despite his wish to stay by the Vackers’, he was at Candleshade, all alone. When he woke up he saw a couple of boxes on the dresser, walking over he saw a note.
‘Dear Katniss,
Your gifts are in these boxes. Mine is in the pink box, I think you’re old enough for it now. Open it first!
-Mommy
(P.S. We had to go to work we’ll be back for dinner)’
With a sinking in his stomach and shaking hands, he opened the box, there was another note inside.
Your first bra!
Keefe was hit by a wave of emotion and confusion, but one thing he was sure of was that he was glad his parents weren’t home. He grabbed his Imparter, stumbled over to the Vortinator, and set it to 200.
Keefe stepped into the Leapmaster 10,000, “Everglen,” he called.
When he arrived he licked the sensor and headed in. He hailed Della, she answered immediately, and upon seeing where he was hung up just as quickly.
Della ran towards him, he was sitting on a bench by the pond, and knelt beside him, “Can I hug you?” she asked compassion and empathy entwined in her tone.
Keefe nodded, latching on to her, “Della?”
“I’m here, you’re safe, love.”
“Della, I think,” his voice wavered, “I think, I think I’m trans."
"I know, I know, I love you and I know and I will help you and I love you."
And that's what happened, after they talked about it more, Della helped him come out. As the elves usually do, he lived as Keefe for a year before medical intervention, and now he was as far in his transition as a 16 year old boy could be.
"I know what this feels like, I know how it feels to hate it and please feel free to complain about it, but Biana didn't mean it like that, so let's not hate her, ok?"
Sophie smiled. "Ok… Are there any other ones?"
"What do you mean?"
"W-ways to be? I don't feel like a girl, but I don't feel like a boy either?"
"Okay, so…" Keefe happily explained all that he knew about gender, finishing with a, "you don't need to have an answer, but think about it, if you want."
"Okay, bye!" Sophie yelped, Keefe was confused by the emotions she was throwing at him. He watched as she headed back to her home.
It was over a week later when Sophie finally hailed Keefe.
"Hey, Soph, what's up?" Keefe's voice was soft, he understood what was going on.
"I think I'm ready to talk about the whole gender thing." Simon looked everywhere but at his face in the Imparter.
"So, what do you feel like?"
"A little bit of none of it?" Simon looked to Keefe, "Hi, I'm… Simon and I'm agender? Yeah, that feels right." A smile.
"Well, hello, welcome to the world Simon!"