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"What do you mean you wanted to see what would happen?!" Harry roared. "You took a dose of a fertility potion specifically designed for men to encourage male pregnancy which we happen to have in the house because I AM THE ONE SUPPOSED TO TAKE IT and you didn't for just one, brief, teeny tiny second think that what would happen would be - EXACTLY THIS. You. Pregnant. What the bloody hell were you thinking?!"
Draco's bottom lip wibbled and he shrugged dejectedly. "I just wanted to see what would happen," he murmured, so lowly Harry almost couldn't hear it. "I just wanted to know -"
"Draco." Harry rubbed his face. "Remind me again why we decided I should be the one to carry our children?"
"Because..." Draco bit his lip. His eyes were now full of tears but he refused adamantly to cry. "Because I'm a professional quidditch player and because I didn't want to ruin my body and because you were happy to take breaks from being an auror anyway and because I'm hormonal enough as it is and -"
"Exactly." Harry crossed his arms in front of his chest, glaring at Draco.
"Are you very angry at me?" Draco asked quietly.
"Yes," Harry replied curtly. Draco sniffled. "You are not going to play quidditch anymore. Better fire-call and set that straight immediately."
"Wha...?" Draco looked up. "But I'm not even showing! I'm only in week three!"
"And if you get a bludger to the stomach?" Harry dropped his arms and started rubbing his face again. "We can't take that risk."
"I'm sorry," Draco sniffled, tears now streaming down his face. "I didn't mean to get pregnant, I just wanted to..."
"I know." Harry sighed and opened his arms. "Come here, you. Silly idiot."
Draco all but barrelled straight into Harry's arms, sobbing against his shoulder. "I'm sorry, so sorry, I wasn't thinking...." he cried and Harry rubbed soothing circles on his back.
"It's alright, love."
"Are you still angry with me?"
"No," Harry replied softly. "I can never stay angry with you for long, Draco...and you know, all the impracticalities aside..."
"Yeah?" Draco stopped sniffling long enough to wipe his eyes.
"We're having a baby. Another one." Harry smiled. "Well, I suppose I should say a third one."
"Oh...yeah...we are." A slow smile spread over Draco's lips. Suddenly he grinned. "I get to name this one!"
"Oh no -!"
"Oh yes," Draco grinned. "You can't change the rules now. This one's allll mine to name."
"Oh dear God," Harry moaned. "If you try to name the kid Lucius or Abraxas or godhelpme, Bellatrix - I will end you."
Draco snorted. "Not all of us have a compulsion for naming our children after dead relatives, Potter."
Harry narrowed his eyes. "No Lucius? No Bellatrix?"
"No Lucius, no Bellatrix, no Abraxas and certainly no Narcissa, Andromeda or godhelpme - I should end you for influencing me to adapt your manner of speech - Nymphadora. Potter, if we get a daughter I forbid you to name her Nymphadora."
"No Nymphadora. Cool. I'm fine with that."
Draco raised an eyebrow.
"No Nymphadora!"
"Good. So, shall we go shopping for baby clothes before we pick up Jamie?"
"Actually...I was thinking we could do something else..." Harry said suggestively. "We only have two hours until we have to pick up Jamie and that's not nearly enough time for baby clothes shopping, you know, so..."
*
"Harry," Draco whined. "My back hurts. Why does it hurt? And my ankles are sore! Again!"
"Suck it up," Harry said, not moving from where he was lying on the sofa. "I just got kicked in the ribs. You're on your own for now."
"But it's terrible!" Draco whined once more, then was quiet. "Harry," he said suddenly. "Why don't I get kicked in the ribs? What if something's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. It's probably sleeping."
"It sleeps an awful lot, then."
"So do you," Harry countered, finally looking up. "Nothing's wrong, love." Another kick to the ribs had him wincing in discomfort. "This one definitely takes after you. We have a beater in the making in here."
"I'm a seeker."
"Could've fooled me." Harry groaned, shifting on the sofa.
Draco got up from his reclining chair, not without some difficulty, and pointed his wand at the sofa. The sofa stretched, widening enough to accommodate two people, and Draco lay down next to Harry, face turned towards him.
"But what if something really is wrong?" he whispered. Harry turned to face him, linking their hands.
"There is nothing wrong. It moves. Just two hours ago you were all over the place because it was moving, which it has already been doing for weeks now. It lives, Draco. It's just a little bit quiet," he said, then smiled amusedly. "Which is all well and good since the beater in here seems to be a real little rascal."
"We're in a bit of a mess, aren't we?" Draco asked, but he was clearly relieved. "Two at the same time. I thought it was bad enough when it was just Jamie who kept us up."
"Still does."
"Yeah, well, he doesn't cry for hours anymore. Just a little bit and he always stops when I take him into our bed."
"Mmmh."
"You know, this is so weird."
"Is it?" Harry squeezed his hand and then shifted awkwardly so he could reach over and rest his hand on Draco's baby bump. It was all quiet in there until suddenly he felt a tiny movement that made Draco and Harry both break out into a huge grin.
"How's our beater?" Draco asked, rubbing Harry's stomach. "Still kicking?"
"Gone quiet. Suppose it knows it's sib is right here."
Draco smiled. "Hopefully that'll work too once they're both out. Imagine, just put them next to each other and they'll shut up. Bliss."
"If Jamie is anything to go by, they'll be real little terrors."
"Mmmh. Our little terrors, though."
"Do you think they'll look like Jamie?"
Harry raised an eyebrow. "Are you referring to his hair colour?"
"It certainly wasn't I that brought the red-head genes into the family!" Draco huffed.
"No, you brought along pointy-ness instead," Harry replied nonchalantly. "None of which Jamie has inherited, thank Merlin."
"Oi! I'll ha -" Draco shut up, glaring furiously at the twinkle in Harry's eyes. "Potter," he said sulkily, "that wasn't funny."
*
"Godhelpme, Draco, this is the last time I'll carry your child!" Harry groaned, clutching Draco's hand so hard it hurt.
"But we wanted four!" Draco groaned back, his nails digging into the back of Harry's hand. "Merlin's bloody butchered balls, I'll never ever do this again!"
"Oh, you will if you want another one! I've done my share!"
"For how long have they been insulting each other?" Hermione asked the nurse but only got a headshake for an answer. She looked worriedly down the hallway, in the direction the curses were coming from.
"I swear on Snape's grave I'll never touch a potion again!" Draco cried. "Especially yours!"
Hermione winced.
"And just to make doubly-sure, I'm never letting you stick your dick in me ever ever ever again!"
"Draco!" Harry cried and suddenly there was a loud wail, effectively shutting up Draco's litany of insults.
"At least that one isn't a red-head," Draco eventually gasped. "I will end you if the one I'm trying to press out is a red-head, Potter. I did not go through nine months of discomfort -" gasp "- and cravings and back pain and and and - crap - ow! - to give birth to your ginger spawn!"
"Oh do shut up, Draco," Harry said tiredly. "Jamie's hair is more brown than red."
"How's it going?" Ron said, suddenly appearing by Hermione's left arm and startling her. "Did Harry get started on the death-threats yet?" He handed her a styro-foam cup of tea. "James' asleep, mum's with him," he replied to her raised eyebrow. "So?"
"Harry's apparently done," she replied. "But Draco's still in labour."
"Oh, okay - wait, Draco's in labour? He wasn't when we brought them in." Ron frowned. "He wasn't due for another two weeks?"
Hermione smiled. "Oh, you know Draco. He was stressing so much about Harry that he accidentally set himself off."
"Oh."
"Don't say you're surprised."
"I'm not...really. Okay, no I'm not surprised." Ron chuckled. "What about the baby? It's still too early, isn't it?"
Hermione shook her head. "At this point it doesn't really matter. The baby will be fine."
"AAAAUUUUUURGH! POTTER! I WILL END YOU!"
Ron winced, glancing at Hermione's little bump. He swallowed hard. "Does everyone get murderous when they're in labour?"
She gave him a calculating look. "Yes, darling."
"Oh help me Merlin NEVER AGAIN it huuurts I CAN'T DO THIS!" Draco cried. His cries were accompanied by the wails a of a little baby and Harry's loud curses.
"Of course you can, love... shhhh, Al, your Dad is slightly hysteric, don't cry - Draco, you're crushing my hand!"
"Al? You already named him? AL? How...horribly - AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGH - utterly - ow ow ow ow - plebeian -"
Ron and Hermione weren't the only ones staring in bemused horror down the hallway in the maternity ward.
"Sounds like the one Harry popped is a boy," Ron stated.
Draco's cries, Harry's curses and baby Al's wails were suddenly joined by another wail, this one sounding terribly indignant and angry.
"Ohgodohgodohgod," Draco rambled. "I did it! Ohmygod it's a boy! I shall name him Scorpius - do not look at me like that, Potter, these were your rules - what are you doing to my arse?!"
"Sorry sir!" a nurse piped up. "Just fixing -"
"I am ruined!" Draco wailed. "Give me my baby! I want to leave this horrible place!"
"Draco," Harry said soothingly. "Draco, shhhh. Look at our sons."
Silence.
Ron and Hermione looked at each other warily. The rest of the bypassers and staff looked relieved the shouting and excessive cursing seemed to be over.
"Little Scorpius Hyperion looks just like me," Draco said proudly. "Well - except for the hair. Potter, you polluted yet another of our offspring with your terrible hair."
"What? He's blond!"
"And messy!"
"Draco," Harry said incredulously, "he's a newborn. Did you expect him to be born perfectly groomed? Combed over?"
"...maybe," Draco replied petulantly. "All our children have terrible hair and I blame it on you. Even that one. Al? What the hell are you thinking, naming our son Al?"
"Albus Severus," Harry said.
Silence.
"Now you're just having me on," Draco said. "This can't be true. You did not just name our son Albus Severus. Oh my God -"
"And how is Scorpius Hyperion any better? Draco, do you realise you've just doomed our son to endless bullying? Scorpius? What the hell?"
"And Albus isn't a terrible name? No one's been named Albus since the nineteenth century!"
"We'll call him Al anyway," Harry retorted.
"...I suppose I can live with that." Draco grumbled. "Let me see him. I didn't get a proper look before - ohhh he is gorgeous. Looks just like you, Harry. Except more wrinkly and all, but you know. Hi little one, you'll grow up to be a beater, you knew that? Been giving your daddy a hard time, you know. Yeah you have. Look, you have a brother! Lookie, Scorpie, you have a brother! Don't let him throttle you when you grow bigger. Come over here, Harry, look at them. They're precious, the two of them..."
"I suppose that went well," Ron said, slightly incredulously and Hermione nodded.
"Let's go get Jamie. He'll be thrilled."
They came back half an hour later to Draco complaining to the nurse.
"I will not be quiet! You will put me in Harry's bed. We are married! I do not intend to be separated from him. We are a family! We must present a united front! Our oldest son is coming to see us, you know! Do you want to traumatise him? There will be no answering for the consequences if he comes in here and sees us a metre apart! I will not have it!"
"Mr. Malfoy -"
"United front! I did not go through six hours of labour with Harry to be put into a separate bed! And how do you propose we split our sons? WE SHOULD ALL BE TOGETHER!"
"Dad's narky," Jamie commented. "Can I see him? I can make him stop."
"Wait here, honey," Hermione said hurriedly and went inside the ward.
Draco was flailing wildly in his bed, Harry was shaking his head in amusement but not otherwise bothering to assist neither his husband nor the nurse.
"I'll take care of this," Hermione said, dismissing the nurse. "Be quiet, Draco. Jamie's just outside."
"But...!" Draco was spluttering indignantly. Hermione raised her wand.
"As I said," she flicked her wand once to make Draco's bed scoot up next to Harry's, "let me take care of this." With another flick, the two beds fused together seamlessly.
"Thanks, Hermione," Harry said, reaching across to squeeze Draco's hand. Draco instantly shuffled - not without wincing - and curled up next to Harry.
"Thank you," Draco said sullenly. "When will they give our babies back? Are you sure they can take care of them properly? What if something happens? I will -"
In that moment the nurse re-entered the room, pushing a twin trolley in front of her. In it were two small bundles of blue, one with a mop of black hair and one with an equally messy mop of blond hair. Draco instantly brightened when baby Al was put into his arms and baby Scorpie into Harry's.
"That's the one I carried," Draco told Hermione, nodding towards Scorpius with a besotted smile. Harry rolled his eyes, but he too was smiling fondly.
"You can let Jamie in now," he said.
Almost before Harry finished that sentence, an overly excited three year old raced into the room and bounced onto the bed.
*
Draco herded their three boys into the ward and helped the two smallest ones onto the bed. Jamie hopped up by himself.
"Hey, there." Harry smiled brightly. "Ready to see your little sister?"
"Why is she so small?" Jamie asked, carefully scooting closer to the little pink bundle. A mess of bright red hair was sticking out of it, making Draco twitch - but Harry had already spotted the twinkle in his eye and knew he really didn't mind.
"Because she's newborn," Draco explained. "All newborns are this small. You lot were too, just as small as - Harry, did you name her yet?"
"Of course. Her name is Lily."
"Lily...and?" Draco asked, eyebrow raised. Warningly.
"Lily Luna."
"Lily Luna? How does that work, Potter? Luna isn't dead yet. This is completely against your tradition of dead people."
"Well, you forbade me to name her Nymphadora," Harry replied.
Draco burst out laughing.