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Once you walked into your shared apartment, you threw your bag onto the ground, took your shoes off, and went straight to the bedroom. Not even bothering to turn on any lights, you laid onto your side, hugging your knees close to your chest.
You were trying so hard, so hard, not to cry. You couldn’t manage to maintain your cool composure, however. Quickly, the tears already welled in your eyes pooled over, falling past your face onto your pillow. You found it became difficult to control your breathing, and shaky inhales and short exhales consumed your rhythm.
While you could never pinpoint why, these random bouts of what felt like an insufferable depression came to your several times a month. You could never detect it coming, there was never any sort of signal. Already lacking the knowledge in managing your everyday emotions, you immediately discovered these times the most hellish.
Only because you could never wish to expose yourself to contain such a grave weakness, you fought these times strictly alone. No one knew about them: you were just busy with your schoolwork. You were happy to know your sobs and moments of panic remained unnoticed, in the dark, and quiet.
Until, you heard the doorknob jingle as a result of keys being pushed in to unlock it. A rush of panic ran through the entirety of your body. It can't be him. He was not supposed to be home for at least another two hours. You were supposed to have enough time to clean yourself up, make yourself look presentable, and act as if nothing happened.
“Hey pumpkin, I’m home! Where are you?” Of course you knew who was here, who else could it be. You wanted to curl up tight enough to hopefully disappear completely. You couldn’t just hide from him. All of your energy being used up from the excessive crying, you couldn’t even stand up to throw some cold water to ease the splotchy redness in the whites of your eyes and covering your face.
Once his footsteps made it closer and closer to the bedroom, it had set in that it was inevitable eventually he would have found out. Although the door had been ajar, he still knocked, “Are you in here? Can I come in?” Deft fingers grabbed the edge of the door, slowly opening it to make sure not to scare you.
At first, you wanted to look away, avoiding his new presence in the room completely. However, you found it more than difficult. Your eyes searched and locked onto the deep purple boring into you. He softly put his stuff onto the ground beside the door, and you saw his face immediately soften at the sight of your distress.
An overwhelming rush of emotions came through strong causing tears to fall at a much faster rate now. The clarity of your vision was compromised as the tears nearly completely clouded it. The cold wet spot on the sheets only grew in size. Your breathing became completely erratic, and you couldn’t hold your knees any closer to you.
Kakyoin sat at the foot of the bed, wanting to be able to provide comfort but also not having a clue in what he should do. While he was more open when it came to feelings and emotions, he had never been given the opportunity to deal with yours, as you typically dismissed anything, choosing to battle it on your own.
He moved off of the bed, instead settling for kneeling on the floor, so he could look at your face to face. Your eyes just instantly, ashamed in exposing yourself to him in such a way, embarrassed in not being able to properly demonstrate how you were feeling, and why you were feeling it.
Slowly, Kakyoin reached toward you with an open hand, opting to cradle your cheek. Rubbing the bone of it soothingly, back and forth with his thumb, he hoped it would at least somewhat ground you, and establish you were in a safe place. Now that your senses were hypersensitive, you noticed just how soft his hand and his thumb was, it nearly made you smile. He continued to rub his thumb back and forth on your cheekbone, and eventually you cracked your eyes open, finding the same purple eyes that first lured you in.
A warm smile grew on his face once he made eye contact with you, but it wasn’t strong. You could still detect the worry written all over his face. His moved his hand over to your shoulder, and the touch was warm, electrifying, it was exactly what you needed.
Yet, he moved again. Now he was hovering over you, as if you were fragile, bound and ready to fall apart at any given moment. The worry in his face deepened further. “Pumpkin, why are you shaking?”
He wiped at the salted tears staining you cheeks, waiting for a response. He stood up, walked to the other side of the bed, and sat up next to your laying body, facing your backside. He set his hand on your arm, stroking it up and down in an effort to calm you down.
You closed your eyes, focusing solely on the touch on your arm, and your breathing. Kakyoin was more than patient enough with you, and that was something you loved about him. Even if neither of you understood what exactly was going on, he was patient and was abl to guide you both through it. Once your breathing evened out, you cleared your throat, “Can you hold me? I need you.”
Although you felt terribly ashamed, horribly weak, Kakyoin said nothing about it. Instead, he asked you to turn over, and he laid himself down next to you with his arms wide open. Once you received the message you laid your head on his chest, and he rested his hand on your head, and his other on your back, stroking small circles with his thumb.
The warmth was nearly overwhelming, but you craved it so much it didn't matter. Pure contact with Kakyoin was something that could relax your state of mind almost instantly. Every small point of contact felt electric, and your bodies felt as if they were made to fit together.
The faint smell settled you further, the sweet smell of roses and cherries calmed your breathing even further, and dried the tears from your eyes. You looked up at him, kissing at his jaw, and resting your head back onto his chest, focusing on his languid breaths.
You could feel his smile grow, and then you heard a small chuckle. Kakyoin moved you closer, then peppered small kisses onto your temple, pushing back your hair behind your ear. You could feel him humming against you, and it made you smile. His voice was something you cherished, even the vibrations against your skin made you feel incredibly warm and full inside.
“Pumpkin, do you want to talk about it? What is going on?” His position remained the same, he didn’t want to remove you from the comfort of your bodies touching. He knew how much the contact settled your nerves.
You cleared your throat again, scared the tears from earlier managed to clog it up again. “Nori, for now I just need you to hold me. If we could talk later…?” You nestled your head up in the crook of his neck, leaving a long kiss on his jaw before settling. He leaned down to leave a kiss on your cheek before repositioning so you could lay back down on him. He hugged your closer, maximizing the contact between the two of you.
“I’ve got you.”