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Matt generally did not make a good first impression on others. Even Techie, who couldn’t imagine loving anybody more than Matt, not anybody on any ship in any galaxy in all the universe, was not exactly impressed at first. Overwhelmed was a bit more accurate. But Matt really did have a soft spot for things that were weak and tender and needed protecting. It was those who were tougher than he was that he really had a problem with.
“I saw a holodoc about a planet full of interesting animals,” Techie began, as he combed the curls away from Matt’s face with his fingers to expose the bruised and bloody edge of Matt’s eyebrow, the swollen darkness blooming under Matt’s left eye.
“Oh yeah?” Matt was clearly not sure where this was going, but he was either patient enough to understand that Techie was going to make a point or woozy enough from the recent fight to not care.
“Yeah, and like...there were these birds that, if one male saw another male, ever, they would fight to the death. They’ll just puff themselves up like clouds, as big as they can, and then attack each other with beaks and claws, literally until one is dead.”
Matt got it, then.
“You think I’m like one of those birds.”
“I think you’re like one of those birds.”
“Why do they do that?” Matt wanted to know, though he said it like the answer wasn’t really all that important. What mattered was hearing Techie talk, soothing, gentle, in that voice that always seemed to take Matt somewhere else.
“Just because. That’s just their instincts.”
Matt went quiet, and Techie knew that it was because Matt, too, fought anyone that he thought was even just a hair tougher than he was on instinct. He’d never lay a hand on anyone smaller or gentler than him, and truly, most people were both.
But Matt just could not quit the habit of picking fights with bigger or meaner folks. You could throw him on a planet with jungle or desert or ocean all the way to the horizon, and he’d find the only inhabitant that could kick his ass and challenge that person. It wasn’t just ‘other males’, either. It could be anyone.
“Well. I’m not dead yet, am I?”
“I do worry about you, Mattie.” That was the first time Techie had let his voice quaver that evening. By then, by that point in their relationship, Techie was used to tending to Matt’s wounds. It wasn’t like the very first time--
“Remember the first time I came here all beat up like this?”
It was uncanny how Matt could know just what Techie was thinking sometimes.
“I was just thinking about that. I was so scared.”
“I still feel kinda bad about that.”
“About the fight?”
“About scaring you.”
Techie, ever the one to catastrophize, had thought Matt was going to die right in his tiny bed. Here was Matt who had gotten whacked in the head -- he’d fallen hard when the other person had knocked him down -- and there was a lump on his temple the size of a fist, just like in the holocartoons. There was a whole mess of blood from his nose. Matt had managed to get himself to Techie’s quarters after he’d been wrecked, knocked, asked if he could sit down there awhile, and then passed out. Somehow Techie had dragged him onto the bed (his reward for his panicked efforts had been a few pulled muscles in his back) and cleaned him up, then feverishly searched on the holonet about what to do next. By the time Matt came to on his own, Techie had convinced himself of the worst.
Now, it was a lot less frightening. Matt could take a lot. But Techie still liked hearing Matt say that he was sorry about the first time.
“What was this one about?” Techie wanted to know, gently scrubbing off the blood with the wet rag. The sink in his little fresher was not always inclined to give hot water when he wanted it, but he’d been lucky today.
Matt huffed out a sigh. “I’m sorry.”
“Mattie?”
“The way you said that, like...I know you didn’t mean anything by it, really, I don’t mean you meant anything--”
“Matt, I’m not worried about that. What is it?”
“Well, when you say it like that, like… ‘this time’.” Matt shifted where he lay in Techie’s lap so he could look him in the eye, and Techie liked that, even though they’d been together for so long, how Matt’s attention still felt like the sun shining right on you, even if it was a little too bright at first because you’d lived your whole life in the dark. “It just makes it really hit home how many times it is.”
“It’s a lot of times,” Techie agreed, as neutrally as he could.
“I don’t try. To do it. Sometimes I feel like I’m clenching every single muscle in my body--” Here Matt made a fist, as if to illustrate a concept Techie might not be familiar with-- “But I let my guard down for one second and look what happens.” He closed his eyes as Techie dabbed at his busted eyebrow again. “And plus, I get punished by my superiors. I always get stuck doing some stupid punitive chore on the worst shifts, and that cuts into my time with you, and I just…” He trailed off, his breath flaring quick and hot from his nose. Between his skin and skull, Techie could Matt’s pulse throb louder. “This time, it was one of the other technicians, talking about how he liked to flirt with awkward girls. So they’d think that someone liked them, and then he’d laugh at them when they believed him. And that -- that stuff just makes me wanna draw blood, you know? Who does that?”
Techie nodded. The little bit of blood was all cleaned up, and he had tossed the rag back into the sink, where it lay like a wounded animal. But he still kept brushing Matt’s curls back, out of comfortable adoration.
“So I just went for it, you know? And he--well, I got a few good swings on him, so I guess he’ll know he can’t say that kind of thing without someone trying to shut him up. Felt like I got his jaw pretty good, so who knows? It’s worth whatever my face looks like now.”
It had to be said that Matt could do some damage, even if his specialty was picking fights he couldn’t win. He was large, and the way he slouched, like a bug all rolled in on itself, somehow only highlighted his largeness instead of hiding it. He was well-muscled from years of physical work and from going to the gym. He was fast, though a little bit clumsy, and he could usually hit first and hit hard.
“Your face is good,” Techie murmured down into Matt’s curls.
“Oh, come on.”
“I wouldn’t keep, you know, trying to fix it if it weren’t worth the effort.”
This elicited a laugh from Matt.
“Well, guess I can’t argue with that. Though I could say you are an excellent fixer of all things FUBAR.”
This was one of Matt’s favorite phrases, but Techie had never heard it before they’d met. Fucked up beyond all repair. But Techie really didn’t know of anything that was truly fucked up beyond repair. Not any machine or software, and not Matt, and not even himself, really. Anything could be fixed, with enough time and parts.
“Are you going to sleep here?” Techie asked.
Matt nodded. “If it’s okay. You’re actually pretty close to my first assignment for tomorrow, and that means I can stay longer.”
“Yeah, of course.”
“I’ll get you a sweet at lunch.”
“Mattie, really--”
“No, I’m getting you a sweet at lunch. Though I should really get you more.” He took Techie's hand. “Listen. Maybe in the next few months, if I just keep it all together, I can get bumped up to a supervisory tech position, and then if I’m really on a roll I can even get up to the head technician, or head technician assistant or something. And then that means I’d get moved up to, well, not officer quarters or anything, but the next one down, with the bigger beds and the good windows, not like the little ports. And access to the officer’s commissary. You know they have a better one, right? It’s technically not off-limits to us but they hide it because they don’t want us saving up for their stuff.” He paused to swallow, which was harder at the weird angle he’d been laying at. He swung Techie’s hand a bit. “Anyway, then we can get better stuff, and you could just stay in my room all the time.”
This was all wildly unlikely. Matt was not really hated by his superiors, but he was certainly not the sort to work the system well enough to get ahead that way. He was too plainly himself to plot and plan and scheme well enough to move upward in the First Order. But this story that Matt was telling was as much for himself as it was for Techie.
“Is this all just so you can get me better sweets at lunch?” Techie wanted to know.
Matt had to laugh. “Well. Partially.”
They were quiet, and then Techie said, in his soft meandering way, “Here’s what I’ll do. I’ll research until I find a good planet for us to live on. And then I’ll save up, quit buying silly things, and we’ll get a place to live. There must be planetside assignments we can take. And we won’t have to worry about little ports at all because we can just go outside.”
“That sounds like. Wow. It sounds like something you’ve thought about a lot.”
“Yeah.” Techie hesitated. “I don’t know why I’ve been thinking about outside so much. I used to be really afraid of it.”
“Maybe I made you brave.”
“Hey, maybe you did.”
“Where’d you go? To that place with the birds?”
“It did look awfully beautiful,” Techie said, feeling himself blush as if he were admitting some kind of erotic fantasy. “In a way that I’d never really considered. You know? I saw this island full of birds and flowers and light from the sun and I actually wanted to be there, instead of hiding away. I could see us in a place like that. Maybe, I dunno. Eating fruit or something.”
It was easy to reach the lights from where Techie sat, and so he lowered them down to just above zero, so there was just enough light to see Matt’s wide outline shifting so they could lie down together. For some reason this alleviated the power of such a confession, because then Matt couldn’t see that Techie was realizing that this felt almost like a marriage proposal. The idea of them leaving the drudgery of their jobs, leaving the order, living carelessly in paradise...
“I think you’re wrong, though,” Matt said, and then immediately corrected himself as Techie stiffened. “Not about us living in a place like that! I could see that, definitely. I can picture it right in my mind’s eye.”
“About what, then?”
“I don’t think I’m the one who made you brave. I think you just were, and you just kind of...recently figured that out. And I was just here.”
“Well, maybe.” Techie had to admit he liked the sound of that, even though he wasn’t so sure. “Maybe I was and you just helped me realize it.”
“I think it’s brave to always be willing to deal with whatever stuff I’m bringing into your life.”
That was what Techie carried with him in his thoughts, right into his dreams, as they settled in together in the close quiet dimness. That, and the way Matt curled around him in his sleep as if seeking out Techie’s warmth, his presence, as if Techie really could protect someone so big and strong. As if Matt might have been afraid of something if he’d been all alone, but Techie was there, his presence like a nest, and it was safe to sleep with one’s head tucked under a wing.