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Sho thought he wouldn’t be able to sleep after last night, but he found himself opening his eyes in broad daylight. He blinked once, twice, trying to restart his foggy brain. When confused memories of the previous night flashed before his eyes, Sho’s head cleared up instantly, and he looked to his side to confirm that it wasn’t all just an impossible, but amazing dream.
And sure enough, Sho’s eyes landed on the sleeping figure next to him. His friend was laying on his back, and all Sho could see was the top of his head and his shoulders. He watched with admiration the faded red birthmark on Aiba’s shoulder as his body was moving in time with his breathing. Sho’s heart skipped several beats at the thought that last night really happened, and that he and Aiba had slept together.
He carefully sat up, flinching ever so slightly but keeping silent, trying to not wake his friend up. He felt his lips curve in a smile despite himself, and he had to stop himself from laughing. He felt so happy that he might just explode. He spent a few more minutes looking at Aiba, wondering if he should wake him up, before deciding to get up and prepare breakfast for the two of them.
Putting on his boxers and a t-shirt, Sho tiptoed outside the room and closed the door behind him to let Aiba sleep a little while longer. He stayed still for a while, his back to the door, listening to his heartbeat and counting his blessings.
After a minute had passed, he peeled himself from the door and walked to the kitchen, looking for something to eat. His fridge was empty as usual, unless you counted the leftovers in the take-out box from the day before that he intended to eat today and, bingo!, a couple of eggs that were miraculously still good to eat.
Sho got the leftover rice and divided it into two bowls, put the rest of the food in another couple of plates, and started heating a pan with some oil to fry the eggs. He carefully laid them on the hot surface and watched them cook, paying attention not to burn them. He remembered that Aiba liked his eggs sunny side up, so he tried extra hard to make it right.
When he was done, he brought the pan to the table, put the eggs in the plates, and admired his work. It wasn’t a perfect breakfast, but at least neither of them would go hungry.
It was at that time that he heard the door of his bedroom click, and he realized that Aiba must be up. It took only a few seconds before his friend appeared, fully dressed but with bed hair.
“Good morning,” Sho said, smiling softly at him.
Aiba looked at him shyly. “Good morning.”
“Sit down, I made breakfast.”
“Made?” He asked, with a raised eyebrow.
“Well, I cooked the eggs,” Sho said as Aiba sat down. “Sunny side up. Sort of.”
Aiba smiled when he saw that his yolk had slid down onto his plate. “It’s perfect, thank you.”
Sho sat down gingerly, flinching just a bit, but that didn’t escape Aiba’s attention. He stopped with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth and opened his mouth to say something. A moment later, the rice on his chopstick fell, spreading on the table, and he scrambled to clean everything.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered when he was done cleaning.
Sho, who was chewing on his breakfast, shook his head. “It’s alright, I’ll just clean later.”
“No, not that,” Aiba gulped visibly. “You’re hurting.”
“Oh.”
“That’s because of what we—what I… Isn’t it?”
“It’s alright,” Sho reassured him. “It doesn’t really hurt that much. I guess it’s just uncomfortable. So don’t worry.” He pointed at the food with his chopsticks. “Just eat up.”
But Aiba didn’t eat. Instead, he put his chopsticks down and stared at the table.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “There’s something I haven’t told you.”
Sho put down his chopsticks too, feeling suddenly worried.
“After that night when you kissed me, I went back home and she was very angry at me,” Aiba said, still unable to look at Sho. “And she started saying that I’m unreliable and that she was sure I was cheating on her. But then she started saying that no one would want to be with me anyway and that she was the only one who was willing to accept the defective me.”
Sho felt his anger mount at those words. “You’re not defective, Masaki.”
Aiba ignored him. “And so she said that she would forgive me if…” He gulped visibly and hesitated a bit. “If we got married and…” Sho held his breath as he waited for Aiba to speak again. “And I said yes, so we… We’re getting married next spring.”
Sho was speechless. He felt the world around him crash and burn as he heard Aiba say those words.
“She’s at her mother’s this weekend, so I thought… I thought I should come and tell you in person and—”
“But we slept together.” Those were the only words Sho was able to utter.
“We don’t need to talk about it,” Aiba said. “It was a mistake, but we can forget it and move on.”
“Move on.” Sho repeated, emotionless. “You want me to move on.” He chuckled humorlessly and got up.
Aiba got up too. “I just—”
“Let me get this straight,” Sho interrupted him. “Am I just supposed to watch you marry her knowing how horribly she treats you?” he asked, voice steadily rising. “Tell me, Masaki. Am I just supposed to pretend like this never happened? You think you can fuck me into the mattress one night and I’ll be so grateful the next day that I will let you walk all over me? Well, you know what? Fuck you!” he spit out at last.
Aiba flinched at those words, but didn’t say anything. For a while, they stayed in silence, Aiba looking at his feet, and Sho looking at anything but Aiba. There were two sides of him fighting right now. Part of him wanted to yell at Aiba until he had no voice left and tell him to fuck off; and the other part of him, the one he was trying so hard not to let win, wanted to get on his knees and implore him to stay.
“I…” Aiba started. Sho refused to look at him, but he could feel his gaze burning him. “I’m sorry if it upsets you, but I am going to marry her. I just need you to tell me that everything is alright between us.” His friend was begging him, Sho could feel the desperation in his voice. “Just say it’s alright, and we can go back to being friends.”
Sho’s jaw clenched. “I’ll never say that everything’s alright. I can’t, Masaki.” He finally looked back at him. “I love you, do you understand that?”
Aiba bit down on his bottom lip, but didn’t reply.
Sho dragged his hands on his face in desperation. He never wanted to make things difficult for Aiba, but how could his friend think that he could sleep with him and ask him to forget about it? How could he think that Sho could see him marry that monster after all of this? And how could he think that Sho would accept that last night was a mistake? He couldn’t. Not when it felt so right to him. Not when it felt so right…
“I think…” Sho felt his voice break. “I think you should go.”
“Sho-chan…”
“No, Aiba—” He closed his eyes and gathered all the courage he had to say the next words without crying. “I don’t want to see you anymore.”
Sho’s heart had already been broken way beyond repairs, but the way his friend was looking at him now was the final blow. Aiba held back his tears valiantly, and Sho thanked the gods for that small mercy. If Aiba had started crying, he didn’t know if he would be strong enough not to take it all back right there, right then.
His friend nodded gravely and walked to the hallway to get his coat. Sho never turned around, not even when he heard Aiba whisper his goodbye. He waited until he heard the door close behind him, and then he dropped to his knees and started sobbing.