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“What the fuck were you thinking?” Dean demanded, breath coming in short pants as he glared at where Cas was pressing against the door. Cas merely shook his head and slumped to the ground, legs splayed out in front of him.
“I was thinking they would have found us eventually, Dean.” Cas finally ground out once his breathing had returned to normal. He pointedly looked out the broken window where snow was no longer coming down in sheets now. “It was easier to distract them with scent then wait like sitting fucking ducks as Croats followed our foot prints.”
“So you sacrificed yourself again.” The retort was bitter and short and Cas sighed as he peered up at Dean. His eyes were narrowed as Dean glared back.
“I sacrificed a scarf. There was no harm done to me.”
The bitter scent of agitated alpha flared briefly as he snapped, “Yet! Cas. There’s been no harm done, yet.” He started pacing as he rubbed a rough hand down his face. Cas folded into himself more, legs pulled tight to his chest now. He was aware that his own scent was burning the air but he didn’t care. “That scarf was the only thing we had to mask your scent and you just fuckin throw it away?”
He certainly didn’t regret it either. Between saving them and protecting his secondary, there was no contest. “I’d do it again.” Cas hissed, jerking away from Dean as he came to slump beside him. “I will not let something happen to you if I can stop it.”
“Cas-” Dean started but the rough hand shoving against his mouth cut him short. There was a warning in Cas’s gaze that made Dean’s jaw clench. Placatingly he raised his hands in surrender, head held high he tipped it sideways slightly. Not fully baring his throat, but enough to show he was no threat. At least not to the omega beside him.
Dropping his hand, Cas dug his hands into the pockets of his coat. “I’m sorry, Dean. I know it worries you, and I am sorry.” The ‘but’ fell heavy in the next silence. When it came it was like a punch to the gut even though he knew it was coming. “You may not believe it of yourself but I trust you to protect me, Dean. And I’m not helpless. I can still fight.”
I can still fight.
The words hung like a noose in Dean’s mind. It was true. While Cas was no longer an Angel he could fight and he fought well. He was a former general who had commanded armies. Who saved Dean himself more times than they could count. But that was before.
Before he fell. Before Jimmy’s, or was it technically Castiel’s, body’s instincts arose again once the grace had been burnt away. Before he presented and Dean’s own protective instincts took over. “I’ll find another one.” Cas whispered, tearing Dean from his spiraling thoughts. He looked over just as Cas turned away from him completely. “There’s bound to be more snow coming soon, when it does we can move again and I’ll find another scarf.”
Dean watched him swallow and let his eyes fall shut, “You’ll scent mark another one right?” The trepidation in his tone was enough to set Dean on edge. As if he wouldn’t. Did Cas honestly believe him so heartless as to refuse? If it’ll ensure at least a smidgen of safety for the omega he’d do it. He’d scent mark Cas himself if only the man would let him.
That was another dance in and of itself though. An argument they were both tired of. A bite was permanent. A bite was public. A bite was damning. “Of course I will.” Maybe when they found somewhere to settle. Somewhere to regroup. Maybe he could convince Cas to let him. Maybe if there was less of a threat everyday, Cas would let him claim him. Maybe when they reached Camp Chitaqua and the burning citrus smell would dissipate.
Maybe when Cas knew Dean was safe, he’d let his guard down. Their eyes met as Cas lifted his head, as if sensing the alpha’s train of thought. Apprehension wafted off of him even as he let the gold bleed through his iris’. It was as close as he could get to acknowledging this. Whatever this was that was between them.
“Get some rest.” Dean forced out finally as he pushed himself up and away from the wall. “I’ll keep first watch, if the snow picks up again I’ll wake you.” He left Cas there. Slumped against the door, eyes faded back to dull blue. He walked the perimeter of the studio apartment they were holed up in, running his hand along the wall and over the window sills. Leaving a trail of sour apples and rotting leather behind.
The moment he finished scent marking the small single bed Cas came over to curl up on his side. He knew his scent wasn’t the comforting thing Cas needed, but it was the best he could do. It was enough to make a protective bubble, even if it wasn’t enough to calm him. Opening his duffle Dean pulled out a worn flannel and dropped it on the mattress. It wasn’t much and it wasn’t perfect and it killed him inside that it was the best he could provide. The smell on it was faded, and slightly stale but still Cas buried his face in the bunched fabric. Drinking in the faded remnants of Dean’s dying contentment.
The small, broken whine that slipped out pulled at Dean’s heart. One day he’d be able scent Dean freely. One day he’d be able to bury his nose in Dean’s neck and take comfort in the smell. One day it won’t burn and sicken him. One day he’ll smell like ripe apples and sun warmed leather again and it’ll mix with the sweet clementines and forest after a storm. They’ll reach Camp Chitaqua, and the world won’t be sour around them anymore.
He forced his body to turn away from the sight. One day they won’t have to rely on a scarf to mask the scent of unmated omega. One day they won’t need a scarf at all. And maybe one day he’ll stop lying to himself.