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Sakusa knew.
Sakusa knew what he was getting into, and he knew it wasn't going to end well-at least for him-
He knew that those cheeky flirtations weren't important or had any meaning other than annoying him. He knew all those seductive glances and smiles directed at him weren't special. Shit, he even knew that Atsumu liked to use nicknames on everyone. He knew his nickname was neither singular nor unique, but that didn't stop his heart, body and soul from shaking wildly every time that stupid nickname left the elder twin's lips.
Kiyoomi also knew that Atsumu Miya wasn’t single. He knew the setter was in a relationship with his former high school captain.
Kiyoomi was aware of that when he joined the Black Jackals. He was well aware that he was going to have to see him every day. He was well aware that he was going to hear him talk about his beloved boyfriend Kita Shinsuke. He was very aware of the sighs and loving gazes that he saw on Atsumu's face every time his boyfriend went to see him training or when they spoke on the phone. Sakusa was well aware that he wasn't going to have any chance with the setter.
What Sakusa wasn't aware of was the pain he was going to feel. The pain of seeing Atsumu fall more in love every day, but not with him. The pain of seeing Atsumu, a few months later, heartbroken by his recent break-up. The pain of seeing Atsumu overworking himself every day to try to appease the sadness in his soul. The pain of seeing Atsumu with the same silly seductive smile on his pretty face but with his eyes flooded with yearning.
Yearning. Desire. Need.
The yearning to be able to fill the immense emptiness of his chest. The desire to be skin-on-skin and feel the fire that runs through your veins, not only warming your body, but also your soul. The need to feel that warmth called "home" in someone's arms.
Kiyoomi gave him all, and more.
He gave him his whole heart
And his whole soul.
And it was wrong. He knew it was wrong. Kiyoomi had given his entire being, all his happiness to someone who would not do the same for him. Someone who wouldn't love him half as much as he does. It was wrong, but every time he heard him laugh, every time he heard him say "Omi-kun" or "Omi-omi", every time he saw his eyes sparkle when he scored a service ace or when said eyes were closed in deep sleep with his head resting on the chest of the black haired man; Kiyoomi realized that there was where he wanted to be.
Surrounded by the darkness of the night, they were lying on the taller man's bed with Atsumu hooked to his body as if his life depended on it, Sakusa heard him mutter intelligible things. At one point, Atsumu says something that breaks Kiyoomi's heart a bit more.
“I love... I love...”
Even though he did know the answer, Sakusa brought his lips to the blond haired man's ear, and whispered softly and fearfully
“Who do you love?”
“I love... Kita-san”
His eyes shut and he bit his lower lip hard trying to stop the sob. It wasn't the first time Atsumu had muttered his love for Kita, but that didn't make it any less painful. With a slightly shaking hand, Kiyoomi brushed a few strands of blonde hair aside before placing a light kiss to his forehead. He sighed and smiled as he looked at the peaceful face of Atsumu resting on his chest.
His life was more chaotic but fun with Atsumu. Volleyball became more competitive and interesting with Atsumu. His heart was breaking into a thousand pieces for Atsumu but it also beat more fiercely for him.
Sakusa knew
Sakusa knew that in the end, he will be the only one hurt.
“Well, I can’t do anything about you not loving me but, you know what? That never stopped me from loving you, idiot.”
Sakusa let a painful laugh fall from his lips as he brought their bodies even closer. A small, silent tear escaped his right eye which he quickly wiped with his hand.
These little moments with Atsumu he would treasure it forever. It didn't matter if they lasted a day, a month, two years, or until Kita decides to come back with him.
He would enjoy every damn second with the setter, because as much as he did not love him, his days were more exciting around Atsumu.
His life was brighter and sadder around Atsumu.
His world came to life around Atsumu.